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No TPing!
2007-11-03 04:37:00
Was it just me, or were there not nearly as many trick or treaters out this year as last? I have SO much candy left over, and the number of door knockers was way down this year.So I did go ahead with my plan for selective candy giving. I had a big plastic bowl filled with Twix and Nestle Crunch bars, and inside that, a tiny little cup with candy corn inside it. To answer one person's question, I had no problem giving good candy to the older kids, as long as they were in costume. Though I felt a bit awkward seeing the kid in the orange m&m costume who appeared to be 18, who came up to my door alone and said, "Twick o tweat!"One group of about 7 kids approached, and I gave out Twix, Nestle Crunch, Nestle Crunch, Twix, Twix, Nestle Crunch, one candy corn. Six little kids in costume and one teenager in street clothes with a plastic grocery sack. When I put the single piece of craptastic candy into his bag, he glared at me and said, "Man, that's all I get??"I replied, "Yep, t...

'Twas the night before Halloween
2007-10-31 00:59:00
Tomorrow night is Halloween , which means a lot more to me now as a homeowner than it ever did as an apartment dweller. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved Halloween -- dressing up, going to haunted houses, eating so much candy that you beg someone to kill you -- but I never got any trick or treaters at my apartment, whereas I get a ton of them at my house.So I've made all the preparations for this year. By that, I mean I've gone to the store and bought candy. Name brand candy, thank you very much, none of this knockoff stuff. One of my colleagues was talking about how she went to the dollar store to get candy and came away with a bunch of really cheap, imitator brands. I can just imagine kids coming to her door and receiving packages of n&n's, Smickers, and Swete Tarts.None of that for me! I've got Twix, Nestle Crunch Bars, and Jolly Ranchers at my disposal. Of course, my plan is to give these precious candies ONLY to the little kids who come dressed in costume th...
More About: Night , Allo

Mr. Teacher is back!
2007-10-31 00:37:00
Hey everyone, it's Tuesday again, which means it's time once again for my weekly column over at education.com!This week, my column is about the dreaded Parent-Teacher Conference Night. Something I'm sure you're all very familiar with.Please go check it out and share it with your friends, family, convenience store clerks, and bus seat companions.
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Let me tell ya, I got boxes
2007-10-30 00:10:00
For the past couple of weeks, my classroom has had a most annoying habit of accumulating boxes. These boxes are delivered to me, usually via trolley by the custodians, at all times of the day. It's gotten to a point that I'm afraid to go into the office in the morning, because I see the boxes THERE, and I know they're going to wind up in my classroom!Now if these boxes were full of money, chocolate, or vintage comic books, I wouldn't be complaining. Unfortunately, these boxes always contain math products. And when I say math products, I don't even mean the cool stuff, like laser pointers to help you figure out symmetry, or transforming robots that quiz you on basic multiplication facts.The math products that these ubiquitous boxes contain are just samples -- one textbook, one workbook, some promotional material, a handful of flyers, and a smattering of manipulatives.From what I can gather, the program that my school district has used as a large part of its math curriculum f...

Bathroom browsing?
2007-10-26 01:13:00
Yesterday was my first day back to school since last Friday, as I woke up Monday morning and started vomiting. Vomiting is really a big deal for me, and when it happens, which is incredibly rare, it means I'm really sick. So I stayed home on Monday and Tuesday.Which of course means that I got to behold all of the wonders that await a teacher when he or she returns from an absence. The missing pencils, the overhead markers in random locations, the page full of notes from the substitute teacher detailing exactly how poorly behaved my class was.And why do my kids always ask me, "Where were you???" Like I took two days off to attend a Dixie Chicks concert in Tuscaloosa.But enough about that. My topic today is the odd behavioral patterns of the little girls in my classes when we take a restroom break. Not just the girls in this year's classes, either. The girls have always done this, and it makes me wonder what is going on in their heads.Here's how it looks to me: I'm standing...
More About: Bathroom , Browsing

And so it begins
2007-10-23 17:28:00
My career as an online columnist has officially begun!I few months ago, I was offered a weekly spot for a humor column on education.com. Of course, I jumped at this chance. And now, my first column is up and running!This first column is all about the frustrations involved from a teacher's standpoint when kids come to school unprepared to do their work. In particular, that frequently asked, yet always groan-inducing question, "Can I have a pencil?"Please, please, please -- Go and check out my column! Rank it! Leave comments! And forward it on to your friends and fellow educators!Thanks in advance for all your support.

Does this make cents to you?
2007-10-22 05:32:00
Last Thursday, I spent about 10 minutes with one of my students on what I thought started out as a simple question. She had written, "200 cents" as an answer for one of her questions. I asked her, "What is it another way we could say that?"She stared at me uncomprehendingly. I tried to clarify. I said, "That answer is not wrong, but usually, when the number is that high, we use a different unit for money. Can you say 200 cents a different way, using that other unit?"She thought for a moment and then responded, "200 dollars?"Since cents and dollars are not the exact same thing, her response began the long, complicated discussion of how many cents are in one dollar. Getting that answer out of her was like pulling teeth. Teeth that apparently would have wildly fluctuating values for the tooth fairy.I asked her to imagine that she had one dollar in her pocket, and I asked how many cents that would equal to. She corrected me, and informed me that she actually had seven dollars in...
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It's nice to have friends
2007-10-19 03:45:00
Our Problem of the Day this morning read as follows:Mister Teacher scored 148 points playing basketball. His friend scored 99 points playing basketball. How many more points did Mister Teacher score? When solving a problem such as this, my kids know that they need to draw a picture to show what is happening in the story. This can be done by putting the large numbers into circles and either putting the circles into a box to show that they are being put together, or by drawing an arrow from one number to the next to show that something is being taken away. The kids are also supposed to label the circles with something that will make them stand apart.So for the circle with the number 148 in it, the kids wrote, "Mister Teacher" above it. But instead of writing, "friend" above the 99 point circle, several of my kids called me over to ask, "Instead of writing 'friend,' can we write 'Ed U Cater?'"Ed is of course a fellow teacher at my school. Obviously these kids recognize that h...
More About: Friends , Nice

Um, I don't think you're doing that right
2007-10-18 02:16:00
A couple of weeks ago, my partner, Ms. Jenn Ed, told me a pretty funny story about her conversation with my homeroom kids. One of the kids had mentioned one of her dad's bad habits, and so of course, that sparked a battle of oneupsmanship.The verbal skirmish culminated with one kid declaring, "Sometimes, my parents drink pot!"At least nobody mentioned snorting vodka, injecting cigarettes, or smoking Michelob.

Yo, Joe!
2007-10-17 01:24:00
Today is Anonymous Joe's birthday! So let's all sing a rousing round of Feliz Cumpleanos to our crazy art teacher!!And speaking of Joe, my brother sent me this link today:http://www.hasbro.com/gijoe/default .cfm?page=Entertainment/onlinegames/casua lgames/gijoetriviagameIt takes you to a pretty funny Family Feud-style game show that will strike a chord if your childhood was anything like mine.

And the winners are...
2007-10-16 05:06:00
OK, the day has arrived, and it's time to pick some names for T-shirts! Thank you to everyone who participated!Remember, even if your name wasn't chosen, you can STILL wear one of these stylish shirts by checking out my stores and clicking the cute little cart.And so, without further ado, let me reach into the hat and pull out the two names. If your name is listed here, please send me an email at learnmegood2@yahoo.com and let me know which type of shirt you would like and an address that I can direct it towards. Don't worry, I won't put you on a mailing list for Ronco products or Leapin' Lizards Dogfood. Or maybe I will, you just never know.And the winners are...................................... ..............Rasurec!!ANDSimply Sublime!!Congratulations to you both! I look forward to your emails.
More About: Winners

Have gun, will lecture
2007-10-10 04:02:00
There was a story in the paper today about an Oregon high school teacher who is fighting for her right to carry a concealed handgun in her classroom.I wonder what the dress code is at her school, because I have a feeling that she's also petitioning for her Bad Idea Jeans.This teacher claims that it's for protection against a vengeful ex-husband as well as being a preventive measure for a Columbine-like situation. I really don't think that arming teachers is the way to go. I'm thinking, if you HAVE to have guns at your school to deter would-be killers, you want those guns out in the open where everyone can see them! Therefore, armed security guards would be the way to go. School kids who can't even remember which hand is longer on the clock certainly aren't going to be deterred by the possibility that one of their teachers might be carrying a 9mm Glock in her Louis Vuitton.Besides, can you imagine the lawsuits involved if one of the students got their hands on a gun that belong...

Seven days!
2007-10-09 04:39:00
Just one last reminder, there is only one week left to get those comments in over on YouTube to be entered into the drawing for a T-shirt.Two names will be drawn next Monday. Winners will be announced sometime between Monday night and Thursday afternoon.Get on over there and comment!
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Accountable Counting
2007-10-07 20:32:00
This year, the Dallas school district has made a really big point of stressing "accountable talk" among the children. This means that the kids are supposed to explain how they got their answers and discuss their strategies with the other students.This is often quite difficult for many of my kids, since they are used to just saying a number when I ask a question or shouting NOOO! at another kid when they disagree with his or her answer.Frequently, I will say, "Please raise your hand if you know the answer," and 15 hands will shoot up. But when I add, "and if you can explain to me how you got your answer," 12 of those hands go back down.Anyway, the kids have lists of accountable talk prompts taped to their desks to help them remember how to begin. These prompts include: "I got my answer by ____________.""To solve this problem, first I _______________, then I ______________.""I'd like to add more to what __________ said."To be honest, my kids very rarely begin their sentences any ...
More About: Counting

This has gone too far
2007-10-05 20:27:00
Call me a cheapskate, but I hate tipping. I WILL tip, for certain professions, but I still hate doing it. When I go out to eat, I try to tip between 20 and 30%, and when I get my hair cut, I always tip two bucks.But now, I've noticed a tip jar in a place where a tip jar has absolutely no business whatsoever. Without getting into too many specifics, there is a lady at our school who performs a certain necessary function for all of the teachers. This is a function that teachers used to be able to do for themselves; however, a couple of years ago, our collective hand was slapped away from the cookie jar, and this woman was brought in to regulate things.This week, she had a tip jar placed directly in front of her IN tray. Kind of hard not to notice it there, especially since it had been primed with a couple of bucks already.Now maybe it's just me, and my crotchety old-fashioned ways, but I don't think it's right for someone in this position to be petitioning for tips. She does...

Mmmmmm... Traffic donut
2007-10-04 03:56:00
As I was walking back into the school this morning at 7:45 (leaving poor Anonymous Joe all alone to fend for himself amongst the mad rush out on the street), one of my students came running up to me and handed me a donut!How sweet is that!!Oh, and also, one of my little girls handed me a ziploc bag with a nice big piece of cake in it. She had baked it for me in her Easy Bake Oven! She didn't look injured, and the cake tasted great!
More About: Traffic

Red letter dates
2007-10-03 00:34:00
I just learned yesterday that my column online at education.com will make its first appearance on Tuesday, October 23. I had petitioned to title the column "No Child Left Befuddled," but unfortunately, the editors thought that title might leave a few readers befuddled. So instead, the column will be titled "Mr. Teacher."So mark your calendars! October 23, and every Tuesday after that for the first seeable future. Or until I just plain run out of ideas.Also, there are less than two weeks left to get in on the free T-shirt offer that goes with my YouTube Challenge! Just leave a comment on one of my videos (or all four for more entries), and you will automatically be entered for a chance to win a shirt!October 15 is when the drawing will be drawed... or something like that.
More About: Dates , Letter

Sharp dressed man
2007-10-02 00:25:00
Just like September is now over, so too is our privilege of "summer dress code." As of today, we had to wear our OFFICIAL teacher dress code, which is pantyhose for women and ties for men.Never before in years past do I remember getting so many comments and compliments from the kids! My homeroom class didn't say a lot when they saw me this morning, but at 10:30 when we switched classes, Mrs. Jenn Ed's class had a lot to say!"Nice tie!""You look great today!""I like your shirt!""Handsome!""You look like a businessman!""Is that 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag??"I just threw that last one in as an example of the kind of thing that was NOT said to me today. Everything was very positive!So here's to the new dress code! And here's to the temperatures staying below 100° while I have to wear a tie!!!
More About: Sharp

Future fender benders
2007-09-28 00:45:00
Today on the way to the cafeteria, I ran into a stumbling block. Getting the kids to lunch this year has been a logistical nightmare. All of third-grade and all of second-grade go at exactly the same time. The third-grade classes walk down their hallway and make a left-hand turn into the main hallway, but then they're expected to be on the right hand side of the hall to enter the proper cafeteria door. The second-grade classes come into the main hallway from outside and are expected to be on the left-hand side of the hall to enter THEIR cafeteria door.Somewhere in there, the lines have to cross, and as Egon said in Ghostbusters, "Crossing the streams would be bad."So today, I find myself stuck at the corner, with a wall of second graders to somehow get through. So I thought I would suggest taking turns, in much the same way that cars (are supposed to) take turns at a four-way intersection.I might as well have been speaking Klingon.Even with me standing right there, trying to d...
More About: Future , Enders , Fender

My biscuits are burnin!
2007-09-26 00:28:00
Just a general note to everyone --If you don't have a license to drive a school bus, don't assume that you can operate any of the controls on the school bus either.When I had dropped off all of my kids at their buses this afternoon after school let out, I noticed that the driver was not present at the bus I monitor. One of the other monitors was inside the bus watching the kids, but she kept complaining about how hot it was. So I figured why have the kids sitting on a sweltering bus, when I could easily turn on the A/C?So I flipped the knob, and we felt the air coming out of the vents. A couple of minutes later, the driver came back (she had been helping out on another bus), and the bus left.About half an hour later, I passed the driver in the hall, and she informed me that I had actually turned the heater on.D'OH!!!From now on, I'm sticking to my trusty Toyota console...
More About: Biscuits , Burn

Inside, outside, upside down
2007-09-25 01:50:00
I've been having some back problems lately (OK, ever since summer vacation started back in June), and I've tried a lot of stuff to get rid of it. Not so much to get rid of my back -- I'm kind of going to need that. But to get rid of the back pain.I had an MRI done in late August, right before the school year started, and it revealed a couple of bulging discs. Nothing requiring surgery, thankfully, but painful and annoying just the same.I've been to chiropractors, I've tried heat, I've tried ice (I've seen fire, and I've seen rain), and I even tried yoga -- once. I think I might like to go back to that at some point, but my back just isn't ready for it.But last week, Anonymous Joe let me have an old inversion chair that was cluttering up his back porch. This thing is pretty cool. You hook your knees behind these padded rollers and then swing yourself up and over the apex of the frame so that you're hanging upside down. It really feels kind of cool. You can't do it ...
More About: Inside , Upside

A bit of housekeeping
2007-09-22 00:21:00
I am currently enjoying a three-day weekend, thanks to the fact that I got my professional development hours over and done with during the summer. So just a few things to blog about today:1) A reminder that we there is less than one month remaining until the October 15 deadline in the YouTube challenge. If you'd like to win a free T-shirt -- as seen in the sidebar to the right -- all you have to do is leave a comment on one of my videos at YouTube. You can start with this one.2) Another reminder, the Blogger's Choice Awards end on November 10. So if you have already voted for me, another big thank you, and if you have not yet voted, what are you waiting for? :) Seriously, I appreciate every vote that I receive.3) I've discovered a new blog worth reading lately, so I thought I'd post a link here and direct traffic that way. Simply Sublime is a good read!4) And finally, a first-time announcement, rather than a reminder. I have been offered a position as weekly columnist f...
More About: Housekeeping

World Series of Taboo
2007-09-21 02:31:00
To put it quite simply, I am a Taboo genius. For anyone unfamiliar with Taboo, it's an incredibly fun and addictive party game where one person tries to get his/her teammates to guess a word or phrase while NOT using certain helpful words. I've played this game a lot, and I'm a really good clue giver and also a really good guesser.And after today, I feel like there should be some venue for me to win large amounts of cash and fabulous prizes with my great guessing ability.While reading the chapter about the water cycle with my afternoon class, we started discussing one of the vocabulary words -- precipitation. Precipitation is water that falls from the sky in the form of rain, snow, hail, or sleet. The kids didn't know what hail was, so I explained it to them.Later, while the kids were busy making a little water cycle representation, one of the girls called me over to ask me about something."What's that big circle in the sky?" was her leadoff."Um, the sun??" I ventured."No...
More About: World , Series , World Series , Serie

I blinded her -- with SCIENCE!!!
2007-09-20 01:20:00
Last week, one of my little girls presented me with a very odd statement. We had just returned to my classroom after the restroom break that follows our P.E. period (or, if you prefer, the time formerly known as recess). Which means that it was around 12:45, and this class had already been in my room for an hour before lunch and P.E.Yet it wasn't until that moment that my student, A, chose to inform me, "Last night, I was watching TV, and it blinded me. I can't see my paper." Her paper, of course, being her piece of scrap paper on her desk, a foot and a half from her face.As you might imagine, I was a bit skeptical. I mean, when MY television blinds ME late at night, I don't get my vision back temporarily in the morning and then lose it again after lunch. Heck, even Han Solo didn't come out of his Carbonite suspension just fine and then go blind a day later.So when A persisted and wouldn't do any of her work, I finally took her across the hall to my partner's room and as...
More About: Science

Kill and drill
2007-09-18 02:34:00
Apparently, we had a quota to fill today. Three weeks into the school year, and we hadn't done any sorts of drills as a school community.So today, to make up for that, first we had a fire drill, then we had a lockdown drill. Thankfully, I had some advance warning on the fire drill, so I was able to make my expectations very clear to my class and even have a trial run before the siren went off. During the drill, my class behaved very well.The lockdown came as a surprise. I hadn't gone over the procedure with my kids, so I had to quickly bark at them, "Get on the floor, under your desks -- no talking!" as I turned the lights off, closed the shades, and locked my door. Some of the kids thought it was a blast to huddle together under their desks, so keeping them quiet was a bit tougher this time around.After that, I was expecting a tornado drill or a duck and cover or SOMETHING!Hey, it's not like we were doing much today anyway, right?
More About: Kill , Drill

The Best of Blogs, Take 2!
2007-04-02 03:16:00
I wandered over to The Best of Blog s page again today, and I see that the voting is now live. I'm still not sure exactly why the blog that I nominated, Education in Texas, is not listed among the finalists, but it should be.But I am very honored to have been nominated myself, so if you like this blog, Learn Me Good, please feel free to head on over to the voting page and cast your ballot for me! Just don't forget to completely punch out your chad...
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Worst Assembly Ever!
2007-04-02 02:59:00
We ended last week with a flurry of assemblies, at least that's the way it seemed. We had the "Cheese" assembly on Thursday, which actually went very well, thanks in large part to the third-grade teacher who presented. She kept the kids' attention, and I think she really got the point across.On Friday, we had ANOTHER assembly, this time for a PTA fundraiser. And the difference between the two assemblies was like night and day. How to run an assembly and how NOT to run an assembly.This lady on Friday actually started off her presentation by telling the kids how unprepared she was."I didn't know there would be so many people here, so I didn't bring a microphone."Yeah, next you'll be telling us how you were out of deodorant and didn't have the time to go to the local Walgreens.Then she attempted to make some joke, at least I assume she thought it was a joke because right afterwards, she followed it with, "I'm dying up here." We're not even a minute into her presentation, f...
More About: Assembly , Ever

Behold the power of cheese
2007-03-29 03:23:00
Monday afternoon at our staff meeting (now weekly, for our pleasure!), a spokesperson for DISD came and talked to us about cheese.I'm not talking about your typical individually-wrapped slices of processed Velveeta. This is "cheese," the new designer drug that is sweeping the halls of Dallas-area schools.Cheese is a combination of black tar heroin and crushed Tylenol PM. Two great tastes that taste great together, right? I can practically see the Colombian drug lords sitting around their compounds, going about their business, when suddenly -- "Hey! You got your Tylenol PM in my black tar heroin!" "Hey! You got your black tar heroin in my Tylenol PM!"Cheese follows in the footsteps of last year's scare -- Pepto Bismol and liquid ecstasy (codename: Pickles). Rumor has it that a new threat is on the horizon -- a hybrid mixture of flour, methamphetamines, and oatmeal termed "Sesame Seed Bun."I can't for the life of me imagine why an...
More About: Power , Behold , Hold

Weed Whackers Anonymous
2007-03-28 00:42:00
For the past couple of weeks, my lawn has looked like the background scenery in the movie Predator. Small animals were getting lost in the dense vegetation, and several of the weeds were taller than my third-grade students.So on Saturday I was finally able to do something about it. I may not be able to convince some of my kids that subtracting makes your answer go down, but by golly, I proved that mowing will make weeds go down.I set my lawnmower to the lowest possible setting and I scalped the crap out of that bad boy. I'd say the results speak for themselves.Here is what my backyard looked like BEFORE Operation: Lawn Gnome...If you look very closely at the following picture, you can actually see a troop of jungle-equipped Ewoks...And now, the final results...Tonight, I'll go out and fertilize it back to the Stone Age!
More About: Hack , Hacker , Hackers , Weed , Anonymous

FINALLY!!!
2007-03-28 00:38:00
Wow, what a relief to be back online!As some of you may have noticed, I have not been able to blog since last week. It is at this point that I must admit that I am still a member of the dial-up community, and therefore dependent on my household phone line to access the Internet. Therefore, when my phone line gets screwed up, I can no longer access the Internet.When I came home Friday evening, my phone line was still audible but it was filled with static. I WAS able to get online, but the speed was ridiculously slow. However, by Saturday, I had no Internet access, and picking up the telephone produced a sound like an angry beehive.So when I called the good folks at AT&T (early Saturday afternoon), they informed me that they would be able to send someone out on Tuesday, between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. What expeditious service!!!Apparently, the guy came out around noon today. So once again, I am able to blog.Priority 1 -- research DSL plans...
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