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Not my finest day
2008-05-08 04:39:00
This morning, I got to exercise the algebra muscle in my brain and figure out a puzzle without using a paper. Mr. Hard Drive, our IT guy, drove by while I was out in front of the school doing my morning duty and presented me with a math problem. "A guy on a bike is following a path that goes up and back down a hill. He rides for five hours. Going up the hill, his speed is 8 mph; coming back down the hill, his speed is 12 mph. How many miles did he ride?" I won't post the answer here, so as to ruin the joy of discovery. And I do mean joy, as solving that problem was the high point of my day. Lump was back from suspension and up to his usual modus operandi today. You can pretty much set your clock by when he's going to raise his hand and tell you he has a potty emergency -- 8:00. Also, have I mentioned how much of a hypochondriac he is? My knee hurts, the knuckle of my fourth toe is aching, my outer elbow appears swollen. Two weeks ago, he called me over and just pointed a...
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Everything I need to know in life, I learned from Captain America
2008-05-07 01:19:00
I saw the new movie Ironman over the weekend, and it was spectacular! From the previews I had seen, I was very excited to see it, and I already thought it was going to be super cool, but it greatly exceeded my expectations. It had a great story, great special effects, lots of action, some very humorous moments throughout, and it was all about one of my favorite topics -- superheroes! Seeing Ironman -- coupled with the fact that my unwritten topic list already included a column about kids and comic books -- inspired me to write today's Mr. Teacher column over on education.com. I could talk for hours about comic books and superheroes, but I kept the focus of this column on the benefits kids can obtain by reading comic books. Check it out, and until later, Excelsior!! Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
More About: America , Life , Captain America , Learned , Captain

Who WAS that midget???
2008-05-06 01:55:00
What a weird, wild day!!! This morning, a couple of my team members were running late, so I was asked to look after one of their classes until they could get to the school. So I got all of my kids into my classroom, tasked a couple of them with passing out breakfasts, and then went and picked up one of the other classes. I was down in their room with them for about five minutes until a teacher's assistant came, then I went back to my own classroom. When I entered my classroom, the first thing I noticed was that one of my boys looked like he had been in a bar fight. He had a black eye, and several bruises on his face. I asked, "What happened to you??!?" and he replied in a very matter of fact tone, "Oh, I got my butt kicked by a midget." Now THAT'S something you don't hear every day, Chauncey! I wasn't going to be phased, though. He said it so nonchalantly that I figured I should respond in kind. I just said, "Oh, ok," and then turned to talk to one of the other children. ...

Worry about yourself?
2008-05-05 03:26:00
Why is it that so many of my kids have a supreme sense of responsibility when it comes to OTHER kids in the room, but they can't seem to look after themselves? There are so worried about the kids around them not following the rules, but they never seem to notice when they're not following the rules themselves. I think it's great for kids to take on responsibility, but one of my boys, A, always wind up taking responsibility AWAY from somebody else. I'll ask one of the kids to hold open a door so the class can walk through, and seconds later I'll turn around and A will be holding the door. Or someone in my class will ask if they can take a basketball out to recess, yet A is always the one who winds up holding the basketball after lunch. On Friday, with a few minutes before the bell rang at the end of the day, I asked everyone to clean up the area around their desk, as I always do before we leave the classroom. Usually it's the kids with the lumber yard right under their desk...
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Testing is over!!
2008-05-02 00:50:00
Unlike Tuesday and Wednesday, today I did not have to administer a state standardized test!! The only people taking a test today were the fifth graders, who were taking the science TAKS. Third and fourth grade or allowed to resume their normal schedule, complete with outside recess and afternoon specials. Yesterday was the reading test for fourth grade, so I was up in Ed U Cater's room monitoring the test, and he was down in my room teaching my students. After that experience, I have no doubt that he is anxiously anticipating next year, when he will have these kids ALL year long. Throughout the course of this entire school year, my kids have frequently interrupted my teaching with statements that begin with, "Miss Credit told us," or "Miss Credit always said," or "Miss Credit used to..." Then they go on to inform me as to exactly what she told them or said or used to do. Quite often, what they're telling me they learned from their old teacher is EXACTLY what I'm telling them...
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And now we wait
2008-04-30 01:56:00
My kids took the math test today. I really have no idea how they did. I can make a few guesses based on the sheet of paper where they signed their names and wrote down what time they handed the test in, though. Let's just say I'm not too pleased with a few of my kids who turned their test in before lunch. But anyway, moving on. This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com looks at the lighter side of state standardized testing. I had my kids write down some of their thoughts about the Texas test. There are a few humorous observations. And, for those of you who are looking for reasons to continue drawing breath, please allow me to present reason number one to keep living: Ed U Cater and Simply Sublime are finally blogging again!!! Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
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Not so confidential info
2008-04-29 01:23:00
A couple of weeks ago, I was tagged by our good friend Matthew K. Tabor to complete a meme. I say good friend of course, because a while back he wrote a very flattering review of my groundbreaking novel, Learn Me Good. That, and he just seems like a fun guy overall. Not to be confused with a fungi overall.Anyway, rule number one of Fight Club, er, I mean this meme is to post the rules of this meme.RULES:1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer. So let the fun begin!!1) What was I doing 10 years ago?10 years ago would put us in 1998 (see, I like to establish my cred as a math teacher). In 1998, I had just started working for Marlow Industries here...
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Who are the ad wizards that came up with THIS one??
2008-04-29 01:13:00
Today is the day before the third and fourth graders at my school take the state standardized math exam. We had some review material to finish up, but overall, I tried to keep it light and easy and really tried to keep the kids' confidence up. But then someone went and decided that today would be the day that report cards needed to go home. GENIUS!!!! I'm sure that there was absolutely no chance of any risk whatsoever regarding student confidence being lowered due to a less than desired grade. Hey, maybe tomorrow morning right before they put pencil to the test, we can tell them all they were adopted!! Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
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A classic (?) revisited
2008-04-28 02:07:00
Kind of a slow Sunday, so I thought I'd repost something that still gets a ton of queries and hits. And it's still topical, since I have just as many "odd" names this year as I ever have.So, please to enjoy, an old post titled, "Pimp My Name."You don't have to be a teacher nowadays to realize that many people in this great world of ours just can't handle the responsibility of naming a child. So many parents have taken to "tricking up" their baby's name -- choosing something that strikes their fancy, or that they think is "totally wicked awesome!"Exhibit A – Kal-el CageExhibit B – Apple Paltrow (Or is it Apple Martin? Or is that too close to Apple Martini?)Exhibits C-E -- Any of Bruce Willis's kids.But of course celebrities are not the only guilty party here. We get our fair share of kids at school named after luxury cars or royalty, or those with very inventive uses for the apostrophe.So it occurred to me that with this increasing trend of parents naming their kids after ...
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Are You More Cynical Than a 3rd Grade Teacher?
2008-04-26 04:18:00
I auditioned for a game show here in Dallas last weekend called Whatta Ya Think? and I actually did quite well. If indeed they start filming in June as they said, I ought to be called back. Maybe that's why today I had game shows on my mind, and taking a cue from the one titled Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? I would like to humbly submit my own idea. Are You More Cynical Than a 3rd Grade Teacher ? would give everyone a realistic chance to experience the life of an elementary school educator. Here are just a few sample questions that you might see on the show: 1) Last week, you reviewed clock reading skills, something introduced in first grade. Today, at five minutes till noon, you ask the kids to look at the wall clock and tell you what time it is. What answer will the majority of the kids give you?A) 12:55B) 11:12C) 12:75D) Hamburger 2) As a reward for participation, you've decided to hand out Jolly Ranchers ...

the Carneys are back...
2008-04-24 04:45:00
There's a great Carnival of Education but over at The Education Wonks this week. One of the articles that I really enjoyed was Coach Brown's take on people who think that teachers should stop complaining because they don't have it so bad compared to other professions. He writes:"And by the way, firemen are never blamed for starting the fire, policemen are never blamed for committing the crime, and doctors aren't blamed for people getting fat. Teachers are most certainly a target of blame for the lack of education of children, even though they have no control over a multitude of variables. "There's also a couple of pretty funny comic strips here.Go on, check it out, what else have you got to do? Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
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Common sense
2008-04-22 23:57:00
This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is all about the trials and tribulations of getting kids to check the reasoning on their math answers. No, 11-5 should NOT equal 14! Nor should it equal 115!!!I started a Participation Posse today. Took pics of the kids last week, and I devoted a bulletin board to the pictures of the kids who participated in class. Most of them got their pictures up yesterday. Of the few who weren't up when they walked into my classroom this morning, almost all of them really did try harder today and got their picture up. I did have to take one down though, as he wasn't trying at all today.We'll see how it goes for the next few weeks. I think I'll have little rewards or something for the people whose pictures stay up all week long. If it goes well, I may start this at the beginning of next year. Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
More About: Sense , Common , Common Sense

Break out the parkas
2008-04-22 00:29:00
I got an e-mail today through my school server that was a memo from downtown about the summer dress code. In my district, for most of the year, men wear ties and women wear hose. Summer dress code relaxes that a bit. No more ties or hose, it's really more like business casual. Definitely much more comfortable when the temperature starts rising.Normally, the summer dress code ends on the first of October and begins again around the first of May. The memo today informed us that the summer dress code would be in effect from June 2 to September 2.This is brand new and utterly ridiculous. Let's forget for just a second that some of us already are working in a classroom that doesn't have functioning air conditioning. Even if my A/C was blasting away perfectly, I shouldn't have to wear a tie when it's over 90° outside!! And it's going to get there very soon!!School ends this year on June 4, and it begins again on August 25. So according to today's memo, we will get to enjoy the rel...
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Visitors in the room
2008-04-21 01:48:00
I am working on a theory for a new way for kids to learn more. Part of the problem right now is that many of my kids just don't listen to me. I'm imparting great wisdom to them, but they are too occupied with pencil shavings in their desk, microscopic bugs out in the hallway, etc.However, any time another teacher walks into the room and has a quiet conversation with me at the back of the classroom, it's like the old E.F. Hutton commercial, where everybody listens. So I'm thinking that at the beginning of each week, I ought to get one of the other teachers to walk in, ask me if they can have a moment of my time, and then whisper things to me like, "To find the area of a rectangle, you need to multiply the top times the side," or "If you see the words, 'how many more' in a question, you should always subtract."Maybe THEN the kids will actually learn these concepts!!!Actually, I'm just incredibly tired of the way my kids completely forget about me any time somebody walks in o...
More About: Visitors , Room

Career criminals
2008-04-19 20:21:00
One of my extremely hyperactive, misbehaved, needy little boys asked me a very interesting question yesterday. So of course I gave him a very interesting answer right back. He asked, "Mister Teacher, why do some people grow up to be bank robbers?" I could hardly help but give the answer I did. "Well, A, those people just never learned to make good choices. It probably started with them making very bad choices in the third grade, like stealing pencils and lying to their teacher. Then they did things like that all the way through the rest of their school years. Which is why it's so important to start making good choices NOW, when you're still in the third grade." He probably forgot that he had even asked me a question midway through my answer. Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
More About: Career , Criminals

Lump, revisited
2008-04-19 06:11:00
Well, as it was foretold, this was not an easy week with Lump . Here when I agreed to let him come to my classroom (yeah, like I actually had a choice in the matter), I figured it would just be a matter of overlooking the fact that he was doing absolutely nothing and maybe occasionally ignoring little things like ripping paper or muttering under his breath. Nope, it's been much more of a roller coaster than that. After Monday, when he came to my room and sawed logs, I thought maybe he would be used to this new routine. But when Tuesday morning rolled around, he once again went down to Mrs. Math's room. I had to go down and get him again, though this time, he came without much resistance. He still didn't do any of the math work with us, but when we had our science time, he actually took the book out of his desk and opened it to the correct page. I saw that as a step in the right direction. Tuesday after school, I was dropping my kids off at the bus (why does that sound like a...

Que lastima!!
2008-04-15 23:44:00
This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com may make you want to say Hey, watch your language! Since I work at a school with a very large percentage of Spanish-speakers, I have done a few things over the years to try to pick up a little bit of the ol' espanol. Check it out, and I hope that those of you who speak Spanish much more fluently than I do don't hold anything against me! Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.

His name is Lump
2008-04-15 02:07:00
There is a kid in the third grade who is not new to my school but who came to my class for the first time today. He had been in another section, but things weren't working out for him so well over there. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he would suddenly start screaming at the teacher for no reason, or that he would channel his inner Bobby Knight and throw chairs across the room. Whatever the reason, my colleague Mrs. Math (who just so happens to be petite AND pregnant) no longer felt safe with this kid in the room, so it was decreed that he would join my lovable group of misfits and ruffians. I'm going go ahead and call him Lump , for reasons that will soon be obvious if they aren't already. Lump was supposed to be in my class last Friday morning, but he never came. It wasn't until much later in the day that I heard the whole story about what had been going on that morning. Lump showed up in Mrs. Math's room on Friday morning, and she immediately told him that he ne...

Egads, I've been tagged!
2008-04-13 05:21:00
Elementary History Teacher, over at History is Elementary (sounds redundant, but roll with me here folks) has tagged me for a book meme. Per her site, here are the rules:1. Pick up the nearest book2. Open to page 1233. Find the fifth sentence4. Post the next three sentences5. Tag five people and acknowledge who tagged you.I know it's going to seem like blatant self-promotion -- especially to Mike in Texas, who is always going nuts about how I am blatantly self-promoting myself -- but the book that I have sitting here closest to my computer is my own book, Learn Me Good!So, turning to page 123 and reading the sixth, seventh, and eighth sentences, we have this:I'm not really sure how the selections were made, though. Pinar, Rafael, and Xander are in TAG, and deservedly so. But Tereelia, Guadelupe, and Kari are not, and they most definitely should be.Wow, taken out of context like that, those are some incredibly boring sentences! For the next couple of weeks, I'm still offering ...
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It's Gettin' Hot in Herrrrre
2008-04-12 23:04:00
Ever since spring break, the air-conditioning in the third and fourth grade wings has not worked at my school. On some days, this has not been too much of a problem, if it's been relatively cool outside. But there have been a few days that have been downright sweltering, and we haven't even had a day above 90° yet. We all know they're coming though. I have a thermometer in my classroom, and on a few occasions, it has read 78°. When I complained about it, I was told that I could roll up my sleeves and loosen my tie. Yeah, great advice! That's kind of like suggesting to someone who has chewed food in their mouth that they could swallow it. Several times now over the past few weeks, maintenance men have been out to take a look, and they usually leave saying that nothing is wrong with the system. Clearly, these people are products of No Child Left Behind. If it's almost 80° inside a classroom, but the thermostat is set to 60°, it really doesn't take a mathematical geni...

Call me Ishmael?
2008-04-11 04:10:00
I've had an influx of new students over the past couple of weeks, but so far the best story to tell has to do with the one who showed up today. Normally, when I post about kids here, I replace any and all names with the letter A. That just won't work for the purposes of this story, so I'll call this new boy Kevin. Kevin comes to us from a nearby school, and his arrival has been foretold for over a month. My partner, Miss Jenn Ed, had an ARD involving him last week, just so we could be prepared for his situation. Several times, I've heard Kevin referred to as Kev by the teachers discussing him, so today, when I saw him in my line in the morning, I said, "Hi! You must be Kev!" One of my other kids, A, immediately corrected me -- "Kevin!" So I asked the new kid, "What do you prefer to be called, Kevin or Kev?" He mulled it over and told me, "Well, sometimes people call me Kevin, and some people call me Kev. But my real name is Bartholomew. My mom just likes how Kevin sounds....
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Filled to capacity
2008-04-10 02:13:00
This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is all about my experiences with teaching liquid capacity to my kids a few weeks ago. Liters, milliliters, pints, quarts, etc, etc. I gave them assignment and got some pretty interesting results. Go check it out! Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.

March Monday Madness Winners!!
2008-04-09 03:44:00
Ladies and gentlemen, kids of all ages!! The time has come to announce the winners of the March Monday Madness Contest!!! So, without any further ado... let me pull some names out of the hat. And the first winner is... Ms. Longhorn!!! And the second winner is... Happychyck!! Congratulations to both of you! Just send me an e-mail (learnmegood2@yahoo.com) and let me know if you'd like a copy of my book, Learn Me Good, or a T-shirt from the Mr. Teacher Store. Thank you to everyone else who participated. As a token of appreciation for your continued support, I'd like to make you an offer. Anyone who is interested in getting a copy of Learn Me Good E-MAILED to them, please just send me an e-mail saying that you'd like a copy and I'll e-mail you one. Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
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A REALLY long post that has absolutely nothing to do with education
2008-04-08 23:55:00
I'm back! Did you miss me? For my dad's birthday last June (yes, June), I gave him a calendar with a couple of specific dates circled in the instructions to keep those dates clear. Ever since they announced that the Final Four would be in San Antonio this year, I had been trying to get tickets for us to go. One NCAA rejection and 2 eBay scam attempts later, I finally had tickets and we were set.Saturday morning, my dad and I took off from his house and made the roughly 5-hour drive down to San Antonio. Once there, we wasted little time in dropping our stuff off at the hotel and making our way down to the Alamodome. If you've ever been to the Alamodome, then you know it's roughly the size of Arkansas. There is a curtain that cuts the floor of the dome in half, and the basketball court and most of the seats are on one side of that curtain. OUR seats, were on the OTHER side of the curtain.This picture gives you a pretty good idea of what our "distant view" was like: We slid over a ...
More About: Education , Post , Long

Advice from 3rd graders -- stay away from conspiracy plots
2008-04-02 03:05:00
This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com pretty much wrote itself. Last year, I gave my kids some creative writing prompts during the last week of school. One of them was asking for what advice they would give to next year's third graders. The column this week is a compilation of some of the best bits of advice that were gleaned. Thankfully, none of the kids advised their successors to plot murder against me, or any other teacher for that matter. Unlike THESE third-graders, obviously. I read this and first thought that perhaps it was an April fools joke, but since it's showing up on CNN and Yahoo and other various sources, I'm going to take it at face value. Just one more sign that our society is going to the University of North Carolina, err, I mean hell, in a hand basket. [That was for you, Chad] :) Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
More About: Advice , Conspiracy , Stay

Playing favorites
2008-04-01 01:56:00
Monday Monday, you know the rest... But the good thing is that it's time for another INTERACTIVE MONDAY!!! This is the last Interactive Monday for the March Monday Madness Contest. Next week, I will draw the two names for prizes from the pool of everyone who has submitted a witty rejoinder to an Interactive Monday question. This week's question is, Who was your favorite student of all time, and why? I know that lots of kids come through our doors that we enjoy, adore, and love. But most of us can pick one or two that stand out even from all the rest. For me, it was a little girl that I had my second year of teaching. I've made it a policy not to use names on my blog, so I'll continue that tradition by calling her A. A was the sweetest, friendliest, brightest little girl I've ever known. And by brightest, I don't mean most intelligent. She was bright enough in that sense, but I mean brightest as in vibrant and joyous. She always had a smile on her face and was cheerful a...
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Should I really be on this list??
2008-04-01 01:40:00
Most of the contact that I have with parents of my students is either in person or over the phone. However, I have one student whose mother asked me to e-mail her when her son was having issues. So throughout the year, I have sent and received three or four e-mails, mostly when he was not doing his homework. Today, I got an e-mail from this mother with the subject line "FWD: talking photo booth." This e-mail had been sent to about 12 other people besides myself, and the only thing it contained was a movie file. To be honest, the video clip itself WAS very funny. But what I don't get is what on earth would possess this lady to think that I want to be part of an e-mail forwarding group?? Now I have to worry about her sending me jokes of the day, top 10 lists, and messages directly from Bill Gates?? Has this ever happened to any of you? Read all about Jack Woodson and his first year as a teacher in Learn Me Good, available at Amazon.com! Start with a preview here.
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The end is near!
2008-03-31 03:31:00
I was surfing around on the Education in Texas blog today, and I came across this very interesting post by Mike. According to a post in the Houston Chronicle, a middle school principal in the town of New Braunfels, TX threatened to kill himself AND the science teachers at his school if their students' test scores did not significantly improve on the science TAKS.Perhaps even more disturbing than the psychoticness of this principal is a common theme running through many of the comments online on the Chronicle story. Even though the story clearly states that the principal did not make his comments in a a joking manner, many of the commenters seem to think that the teachers at the school have blown this all out of proportion.Just to take a sampling of a few comments:sounds to me like the teachers are nothing but a bunch of babies who cant be serious when they think he really meant he was actually gonna kill them then himself. he was not joking about the serious nature of the TAKS test...

March Sickness
2008-03-29 22:37:00
Well, we started the official March Mathness tournament in my classroom a couple of weeks ago, and as of yesterday, we are down to the Great Eight. The kids do seem to be enjoying it, and I think more than anything, they really get a kick out of seeing their names in the brackets up on the front wall. All of this week though, I didn't have the Madness as much as the Sickness . I woke up Tuesday morning with a really bad cough that only got worse the next couple of days. We're talking that kind of cough that makes you feel like you're going to throw out your back. The cough that actually noticeably rattles your brain. Then yesterday morning, I woke up, took my temperature, and read 100° on the dot. I always feel a little guilty taking a day off from school, so I downed some Tylenol and slogged through the day anyway. Hopefully, I didn't pass on whatever I have to anyone else. I got up and went to the doctor this morning, and he prescribed some antibiotics. Hopefully this ...

Oh, the Corners You'll See!
2008-03-27 23:02:00
One of the little girls in my class, we'll call her A, seems to have a particular fondness for corners. She must like spending time in the corner in my room, because she's constantly doing things that make her wind up there. When I go to pick her up in the cafeteria after lunch, she's got her nose in THAT corner. When I pick her up from PE, she's closely examining the corner of the gym. Today when I saw her in the gym corner, I told the teacher there that I might need to help A write a brand new book that would express her obvious loves and interests. I suggested a Fodor's-style travel guide, something like, 200 Classroom Corners in 185 Days. I'm thinking, who knows these corners better than someone who has spent so much time standing in them? I'm sure that A would have some very useful insight about which corners smell the best, which corners are most likely to provide habitat for spiders, and which corners are most aesthetically pleasing. A told me about a month ago t...