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Suicide by Cop
2008-04-21 10:56:00
    A few hours ago I learned of the fatal shooting of a 22 year old man in Greensboro during a traffic check. The family of this young man is well known and close to my family. He was unarmed but shot 6 times in the chest by an officer. Seventeen years ago, at age 29 his father met the same fate but only received 4 bullets to the chest when the police arrived at the scene of a domestic disturbance. Those not intimately involved with such a case seem to have little difficulty making such comments as "they got what they deserved" or that "the officers had no alternative than to kill them." I wonder if these people would make such comments were it their relative or friend who was executed. I feel justified in this stance because I know that neither of these young men were killers and did not necessarily have to die  in the way they did. True, there was a problem with anger and defiance, but does that warrant death? I wish that race weren't a factor but race is ...
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Why I Blog
2008-04-14 00:28:00
Why View Raw Image' xLoc="254" yLoc="173"> ? The most appropriate answer to that question is probably the reply given by President Clinton when asked why he did what he did with "that woman." "Because I could," he replied to a probing reporter. I started posting almost 4 years ago because I could, and never really expected that many people would take interest in what I write. I really just needed a place to vent and explore and express my ideas from time to time. Other than my work, I have shown more commitment to this journal than any other project I've undertaken. My writing style is intentionally original and at times incorporates controversial ideas which on occasion may evoke emotional response from a commenter. I know my perspective on life is unique, mainly because of who I am and what I do for a living. When I feel passionately about something I will fight with everything I have to win the cause. Most people I associate with either love me or misunderstand me or ...
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Valentine's Message Fromda HEADoc
2008-02-03 18:00:00
What exactly is this thing we call love? Philosophers categorize two forms of love; Agape love is the love a mother feels for her child or the love God feels for us. It is never ending and unconditional; Eros is the love man feels for woman. It usually starts in a lustful manner and may grow into something wonderful and Agape-like or it can wither and die if not tended adequately. The seed of Eros happens to two individuals but expression of the emotion is what ultimately matters. If you don't feel loved at any time during a relationship then you must accept that your partner does not feel love for you. It should be obvious but denial can be a real SOB. If you give and give and give but never receive, your partner does not love you or is a narcissistic individual incapable of expressing the emotion of love. Broken hearts always heal but one who is trapped in co-dependency will never be content or find true happiness. One who dwells in denial loses the ability for emotional balance...
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Tribute to King Holiday
2008-01-19 01:54:00
I logged on this morning and to my astonishment discovered subscriptions to Quest 4 Sanity had increased by 6 fold. I have continued to refresh the screen all day to try and be sure that an error hasn't occured. Things of the sort just don't happen for me. If it does turn out to be true I fear the pressure may increase for me to produce more quality entries. In the words of Homey The Clown, "I don't think so!" I'll just keep right on writing what I feel as it comes to me. I'll continue to ramble, rant, rave, preach, and teach in my own unique little way. Still there will be those who insist I'm so wrong about certain issues and get bent out of shape and not read another word I write. This buds not for them anyway. There will also be the faithful few who find what I write to be as intended which is entertaining, informative, and thought provoking. You know who you are. I know I'm not always completely right about some topics and my views are usually modifiable when the eviden...
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DENIAL is Not a River in Egypt
2008-01-11 03:01:00
Feeling a bit like I've lost my mojo lately. In the writing department that is. By that I mean it seems much harder than usual to find something to passionately write about. Usually politics or the frustrations of our health care system are enough to get me started but as of late the angst and fervor have failed me. Just the fact that Bush will be gone in less than a year should be plenty but I'm not feeling too excited about even that. I think I may have become disillusioned by the political system over the years, expecting more of it than it can really deliver. I no longer have any trust in the system and see the politicians mostly as actors that paint an illusion of reality for the citizens. I should be elated and jubilant for the accomplishments of Barack Obama but when I think of him I see images of John and Robert Kennedy followed by the voice of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. playing over in my mind. I'm not a pessimist by nature nor am I a true conspiracy theorist...
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Ready To Change in 2008 ?
2007-12-29 23:54:00
     The time is once again upon us to usher in the new and release the old. . .  at least in a symbolic or intentional manner. Turning such intentions into reality is quite a difficult task. After a string of failures to accomplish New Year's resolutions, the very idea of changing a behavior itself can become part of the stagnation of the procrastinator's world. Most people change unwanted behaviors exclusively through a process of accepting their current state of reality and then recognition of the unwanted result of that behavior, followed by commitment, will power, and perseverance to reach the goal committed to. There are no shortcuts to changing behavioral patterns. Compulsions must be countered repeatedly and consistently in order to neutralize and eradicate the obsessive thought patterns that drive our unwanted behaviors. Think of an unwanted behavior as a mathematical  integer such as negative 10. The ideal desired behavior would be positive...
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Substance Abuse Update
2007-09-13 11:28:00
 Some things never change. That is a great truth I have discovered. Many things are not what they appear to be and if we don't want to see something we usually won't see it until we choose to. As a behavioralist, one constantly learns just as much about oneself as will be discovered about the subject of therapy or treatment. The accurate diagnosing of a condition improves with repeated exposure to similar cases. Strong intuitive instincts can be quite useful and must never be ignored. In this life I believe there is a reason for everything that happens. I once believed that God allowed substance abusers to cross paths with me as punishment for some terrible sin I may have committed at some past time. What other explanation could there be? Over time I've grown to learn that many times it's not even remotely about this sick and clueless individual who chooses to slowly poison themself into oblivion and eventual death of the spirit, mind, and body. Reality often turns out to...
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Media: 3rd Anniversary Post
2007-09-07 07:13:00
  Exactly a month ago marked the third anniversary of this blog. I'm asking myself tonight why I have maintained this weekly ritual since such compliance in practically all other aspects of my life does not exist. I'm also wondering if I would continue to write so faithfully if no one bothered to read my entries. I think I just love writing and find it to be therapeutic in many ways. I probably would. I believe I have a lot to say but understand how limited the audience reached will be. In many ways psychiatrists are still stereotyped and misunderstood. I'm trying to change that as best I can. My view still remains that the total number of readers is much less important to me than the enthusiasm and degree of interest a potential reader may show. The fact that a reader from thousands of miles away can instantly share my ideas and emotions through the miracle of the Internet continues to amaze and intrigue me. Less than twenty years ago this was unimaginable. This mediu...
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Mental Healthcare Reform Update (Opinion)
2007-08-28 05:06:00
      I've probably always been too much of an idealist and a dreamer when it comes to social problems and the realities in which we live today. Avoiding challenges has never been my style. Even when selecting what types of patients to treat, the more difficult cases have seemed to find their way to me. I have learned so much about human behavior, and the world, over the past several years. I have learned my limits much better over time. I went to medical school hoping to one day make a difference. Upon graduation I felt I could do this most effectively as a psychiatrist and set out to meet the necessary requirements for practicing this art. I have engaged in the practice of psychiatry for over a decade now and feel another crossroad is inevitable in the near future. I chose to practice within the public sector because the need seemed so great and I felt my efforts would be most rewarding here. I have worked in clinics hospitals, jails, detox units, nursing ho...
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Real Life and Hollywood
2007-07-10 02:08:00
     I try not to make as many entries when the content is likely to be of a depressive nature.  Even though I'm finding every aspect of my life, at the present time, going in a bad direction I feel pretty good tonight. Maybe because of taking a five day vacation which has been rather enjoyable. My father has been in a hospice facility for the last ten days and I realize he will not return home. This is saddening but right now I'm thankful for these few extra weeks he remained alive. It will be shocking when I learn that he has passed. This I know even though it is expected at any time. I have found the slow dying process of many cancer patients to help with the grieving process more so than many of the rapidly fatal diseases. Part of me dreads returning to work tomorrow. I spent the evening in the country sitting on the porch with my mother after visiting my dad. I know it was difficult for her to verbalize certain unavoidable topics related to my father...
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Silver Lining Search 2
2007-06-15 06:01:00
  Sometimes life gets a little crazy for all of us. . . At such times we can become totally out of control in regards to what will happen in our lives. Individuals such as fighter pilots, trauma surgeons, or astronauts are trained to feel in control of the situation at all times. The truth is that we only have control of the choices we make in any given situation, nothing more or less. This is a core principle of addiction in that the addict has deluded them self into believing that they possess some degree of control over their drug of choice. In reality the person is completely out of control and cannot be helped until accepting this fact. My current circumstances seem to have awakened me to certain realities from a personal perspective. Life has so many lessons. I'm beginning to understand the contradiction between myself and the substance abuse community. With the cynicism and animosity sometimes felt, one would find it puzzling why I might continue treating so many...
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Grief Stories
2007-06-09 06:02:00
     Last night I dreamed of . . . being Gomer Pyle in the Marines going through basic training. The Sergeant really let me have it for not being up to snuff. I'm sure these dreams of late are representative of current real life struggles that cannot be avoided. It was more difficult than usual working with grieving patients this past week after seeing that dreaded look of death in my fathers' eyes last Sunday. For the first time the denial I have clung to weakened as I felt a little shock. He really is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. I placed him in his hospital bed and tried to adjust it to make him feel more comfortable. My mother spoke to me about concerns of a business nature but it was very hard to concentrate or think clearly. I have seen that look several times before in patients I treated in the hospital and they always died. It is an ominous sign but the exact time of death cannot be predicted with any certainty. A little over a year ago...
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Dreams II
2007-06-01 21:31:00
  Much can be learned from dreams. . . Freud once wrote a book entitled The Interpretation of Dreams . Actually I've never read it but have stumbled on many of its principles through different encounters along the way. Our dream life is much like the vacation home of the mind. Some philosophers have pondered whether the reverse is true or not. If you've ever seen Ashton Kuchner in The Butter Fly Effect it becomes easier to entertain this idea. This movie I consider the horror version of Ground Hog Day. In real life our dreams are believed to possibly serve the practical purpose of allowing us a place where we are allowed to be completely insane in a way that is unacceptable during the waking hours. Most of our repressed drives and suppressed thoughts are free to express themselves while we dream. It is really the emotion felt during the dream that has value and not so much the plot occurring, as many are tempted to become more enthralled by. One can dream of war and kill...

Life Pains
2007-05-25 05:15:00
 is an unavoidable part of the human experience... Pain is a sign that something has gone wrong and itself is not a disease or necessarily a bad thing. Pain has been a crucial ingredient of human evolution and without it we would not exist in our current form of existence. One suffering from the neuropathic anesthesia of advanced diabetes can testify to the disadvantage of losing the sensation of pain in the limbs when they suffer from burns or cuts that may have been avoided had the sensation of pain been intact to warn them of the danger of tissue damage at the time of injury. Pain triggered by sensors in the skin signal us to remove our hand from a hot object or sharp object. In the diabetic, sometimes the nerves are damaged and rendered useless by an excess of the sugar glucose in places where it doesn't belong. My work involves the diagnosis and treatment of depressive illness which often is associated with the symptom of pain, both physical and emotional. My experience...
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Advanced Psychotherapy 102
2007-05-17 05:59:00
  My last two entries have been total losses. . .  battling at Battle of the Blogs, essentially losing every battle to every genre. I'm not really sure how to take that but probably best with a grain of salt. I suppose in the blogosphere every author, self included, feels their topics are of the utmost importance. Often I recall my youth when I was totally oblivious to current world events or any topic outside of popular media culture of Hollywood tabloids and the sports world. With age my interests have changed 180 degrees and the space in my brain reserved for starting line up rosters and stats of my favorite teams have been replaced by the Democratic and Republican Candidates for the next Presidential election. I've taken interest in 9/11 conspiracy theories and have even tried the stock market and reached a point where I could care less for the Super Bowl or the Final Four. I find myself turned on by excerpts from Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Bill Mauer. I...
More About: Psychotherapy , Therapy , Psych , Erap , Thera

To Cope with Dope Kills all Hope
2007-05-08 04:02:00
Suffering from a bad case of writer's block for the past few days... All I know to do is keep hitting the keys in hopes that some inspiration will come. Today was not a bad day as far as the types of cases seen. The only drug addict to enter the building today was not allowed access to me after reporting the theft of medications prescribed 3 days prior. It's hard to believe they try the same old tricks over and over. It is usually a good day when there are no addicts to see. I don't dislike dealing with all people that abuse drugs but if I had to choose one group to avoid this would definitely be it. Sometimes in the next few months the 100th dismissal mark for the past year and a half  for non-compliant substance abusers should be reached. I wish this meant that something great was due to happen but it is just another reminder of a limit for helping people. Three out of ten serious substance abusers have a realistic chance of a complete and productive recovery, no matter w...
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ADHD Refresher
2007-04-27 15:59:00
 Sometimes I get a little too serious in my entries here... I then have to remind myself that few people really care about most of those more serious topics. Such ideas don't usually lead to that warm and secure feeling inside that we all seek. Much of the time reality does tend to suck. And then you die. At least once a week I find myself asking why I do the work I do when so many of the people I see seem to suffer endlessly. Without fail, someone will then come in who has responded exceptionally well to treatment to the point their life seems to be transforming. Instantly I'm distracted from thoughts of those who may seem to be in a perpetual state of hopelessness and realize that my intervention has contributed to some degree of happiness for a person in need. It then begins to feels all worthwhile again. I find treating pediatric or adolescent patients to be most rewarding because they possess so much potential. These youngsters are in the process of being molded. I ...
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Mind of a Killer
2007-04-18 23:07:00
   The tragic shooting spree at Virginia Tech on Monday was shocking to all. . .  But psychiatrists in particular are likely breathing a sigh of relief along with the deep sorrow felt across the nation and world. In our worst nightmares, mass murder is probably the one thing we dread and fear more than a patient we are treating committing suicide. No treating psychiatrist wants to be associated with being the one who could have prevented such an occurence. We know that such behavior cannot be predicted with any reliable degree of certainty and that a ball park estimate of risk is about the best that can be expected in most cases. The notorious case of the Law student in Chapel Hill, NC several years ago is a constant reminder of the unrealistic expectations a psychiatrist can face when the worst does happen. This hits home because of actually knowing the doctor who was dragged through the courts for just being associated with the psychotic gunman who randomly sh...
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Imus: Scapegoat?
2007-04-14 08:37:00
Usually not much into commenting on pop culture issues but the Imus saga seems worthwhile to explore a little. . . The perspective offered is from that of a mental health professional who happens to be of color. One thing has nothing to do with the other but chances are this perspective is not commonly heard. I think what happened can turn out to have a net positive effect. I think the punishment was a bit harsh and abrupt but also understand that he should have been aware of the consequences of crossing the line from the past mistakes of others in the business. A patient told me that Snoop Dogg had commented about how it was acceptable for him to use similar descriptions repeatedly in the lyrics of his raps but did offer some criticism of Imus' use of such language. I couldn't help but laugh. I have never been a fan of rap music but have dug the charisma of a few artists. It has been my opinion that keeping it real has often been a big pile of b.s. Art can imitate ...
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FAITH : A Different Perspective
2007-04-07 07:50:00
In my view, there are three levels of religious faith... No I am not ordained by any church organization but do have an opinion from my own experiences which have not been ordinary or trivial. The great thing about having your own site is that it can be used to be truthful about issues and if readers cannot respectfully disagree they are free to change the channel. I once was a big fan of Bill O'Reilly. When I learned what he truly stood for I lost respect and interest and I don't watch his show anymore because i don't see it as representing reality for most people. I won't say anything bad about him but I believe him to be too biased to be objective about serious issues. To the far right is Rush Limbaugh who is mostly a cultish figure almost to comedic proportions bordering on fanaticism. He caters to people who need something to believe in to feel better about themselves. You won't ever here me bash him but neither will I bother listening to what he has to say. He has a purpo...
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Fight or Flight
2007-03-30 06:27:00
   I saw a patient a short while ago who had seen ten doctors and scheduled to see the twelfth tomorrow... We had a good first meeting and I was glad to hear her say she didn't think it would be necessary to keep that next appointment. Her primary care doctor realized he was in over his head and that it might be time for a mental health consult. She had been diagnosed with a common but challenging to treat syndrome Known as fibromyalgia. People afflicted by this condition frequently may also show signs and symptoms of Irritable Bowel, Chronic Fatigue, and frequent migraine headaches. This 55 year old married woman was starting to lose hope that the medical profession could offer any help for her symptoms of constant burning, aching, sore muscles and joints. Unlike the drug seekers that often find their way to my office, she was clearly anti-medication and wanted to get by on the bare minimum of drugs. The history collected from her showed that she had n...
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