BRAINFRIENDENEMY

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4

Setback OVER.
2007-08-23 00:41:00
I deem it so, and so it shall be.The photo to the left was taken last spring while I was still in Austin. I was looking out the window and had noticed this girl, who was walking down the sidewalk, go down to the creek (out of frame to the left). It was slightly unusual, I thought.A few minutes later she reappeared on the other side, literally stumbling up the bank. That's when I decided to get the camera and get a shot of her. Perhaps it's not true, but I really think she smoked a joint under there. She smoked something, I know that, and you don't normally hide if you're walking down the street smoking a cigarette.So there you go.This afternoon I had an appointment at 4:30 near Fair Park. I was home just prior to that, so when I left I took my camera with me. Fair Park is full of awesome deco architecture. It's also the site of a bandshell (similar to the Hollywood Bowl but a lot smaller). There, in 1995, I went with my friend Donut to see a punk rock band called "Fir...

The Lost Day?
2007-08-22 18:49:00
Well, that photo turned out small on here. You can click on it to make it larger if you like. It's an image of a friend of mine taking a jump shot a couple of years ago. I probably shouldn't post photos of friends on the blog, but this was shot on high-speed film and it's pretty grainy. You can see his face, but you couldn't recognize him from it.I love film. It's hard to shoot digital and get that gritty effect. I can get kind of close with photoshop, but it takes a LONG time and still doesn't quite do it for me. Unfortunately, I sold all my film equipment. I have no film cameras at all anymore, and no darkroom stuff, either.Anyway, I went to sleep at a reasonable hour but didn't get out of bed until 10:30 in the morning! I don't know what's going on. Luckily I have no anxiety to speak of. Since it's so late I'm wondering what to do with the day...I could just take the day off. I could do some office work/reorganization. But I really need to get out and deli...
More About: Lost

A Setback of Some Kind
2007-08-21 23:52:00
Today's photo is another from the wayback machine. I found it on a CD that was in the trunk of my car. I remember making this photo very well because it took a LONG damn time to make. It was in the summer of 2002, in the "dark days" a year or two before I left for Austin.The photo was made by what was then a fairly expensive digital camera (four whole megapixels). It actually took some good shots. The lens was a a Zeiss, so the bokeh and colors always looked good. The camera was not exactly a point and shoot, either. It had a fixed lens but had full manual capability, aperature priority, and shutter priority. The only bad thing was that you couldn't really turn the autofocus off, and the auto focus sucked. So that's why it took so long to make this photo.It was my favorite whiskey glass at the time, and the dishwasher managed to break it. The goal of the photo was to show my profound disappointment. That's me in the background there, of course. The original looked ok...
More About: Some

More About Agent Reyes
2007-08-21 04:54:00
Prior to September of 2004, I was employed as an electrical engineer, electrician, assembler, and mechanic with a manufacturer of long wall/continuous mining equipment. The above photo is of a continuous miner, similar to the types I used to build. The first photo is of a newly manufactured miner, and the second shows the miner in action.They were well built, but nothing is without its flaws. On rare occasion, they would break down in the field, which meant traveling out to the mining site to perform repairs – sometimes within the actual mine, itself. Anxiety provoking? Absolutely. There was always a risk of explosion from methane gas, the risk of the roof collapsing, and other various risk factors involved. The idea was to work as quickly as possible to restore normal operation and then get the hell out of there. Fortunately, when the equipment would break down, it was more often than not shipped to one of our various service centers for repair.Reflecting back on the past, life w...
More About: Agent , Reyes , Gent

The Window
2007-08-21 00:44:00
This photo required two exposures to make, and I forgot to lock focus between them so you can click on it to make it larger if you like, but it's not very good close up. I post it only as an illustration.My last two posts described consecutive days in which I woke up and shortly thereafter experienced high anxiety levels. The first day was Sunday and I didn't really have anything to do, and figured it would just go away. But it didn't.The second day was Monday and I had to work. In spite of the anxiety I had to press on, and the anxiety subsided. I've posted about that before. Getting involved in something else simply puts you in a different frame of mind.However, in the midst of that horrible anxiety spell I had on Sunday I wanted to go out and get it off my mind, but became so anxious so quickly that I couldn't. Thing is, if I had gotten involved in something early enough I probably could've averted the day-long battle. There appears to be a window. On some days it ...
More About: Window

A Stellar Beginning to the Working Week
2007-08-20 17:13:00
For some reason, back in 2002 or so when my creative well was dry, I thought a night photograph of these piles of dirt would look just great. As you can see, they do not. There are some interesting elements, I guess: the hard shadows, etc. All of the piles of dirt were slightly different colors, but this was a bad scan and I don't feel like doing the photoshop work necessary to bring it back to life.See, I'm barely alive myself. In yesterday's post I noted that I'd been in a high anxiety state all day long, and I guess it took its toll on me. By the evening, it had gotten to my stomach. Until about 9pm or so I was in pretty rotten shape. But luckily things picked up and I started feeling better. Even got to bed at midnight, which is a reasonable hour for me.This morning I woke up very, very late. I suppose yesterday just wore me out. My alarms started going of at 6:30 but I could not begin to lift myself out of bed. Eventually I did, shortly before ten. Even then I ...
More About: Week , Working , Stella , Workin

Sunday Boring Sunday
2007-08-19 21:37:00
A photo taken in the stairwell of my building.I'm unable to get out today. For no apparent reason my anxiety level has been very high since about an hour after I woke up. It's similar to what happened yesterday...it's not a panic attack, and there wasn't a GI component until the last hour or so. I guess anyone's stomach would bother them if they'd been feeling anxious for such a long period of time. And it's just an "irritated" stomach. There's no bloating or nausea. Just a feeling of discomfort.I guess since my panic attacks are so infrequent these days, maybe it could be said that my condition can be "downgraded" to GAD.Anyway, I have gone through my regimen of coping measures and nothing has worked so far. What I should've done was wake up, shower, and went somewhere. That may have worked, but I had no way of knowing this would happen.Oh well. At least I've gotten to see Johan Santana strikeout 17.
More About: Sunday , Boring

Loving the Weekend
2007-08-19 03:57:00
Some friends and I spent the afternoon at Bachman Lake, which is directly adjacent to Dallas Love Field. It's where Southwest Airlines was started, and they still maintain a hub there.So, anyway, it was just a fun afternoon. Eating burgers, playing frisbee, trying to keep the dogs from humping other peoples' dogs. It was really humid but the temperature was reasonable for a change.When I got home, though, I found myself in a very heightened state of anxiety that lasted for about two hours. It wasn't a panic attack. There was no GI component at all; I was just very nervous and jumpy. Not sure what caused that, but things are back to normal now.For the moment I'm trying to figure out whether or not I want to go out tonight. Haven't heard of anything going on, but I could probably get something together. Then again, my Netflix account was reinstated last week and I have the first season of The Tick as well as Metropolis, which I have never seen. So it might be a pretty go...
More About: Weekend , Loving

Identity
2007-08-18 02:56:00
This photo depicts a portion of a mural that's painted in the basement of the building I live in. I do not take photos of others' art and call it mine; this is only for documentary purposes.The rest of the mural is jovial. It's quite large -- covering an entire wall -- and the subject is an urban apartment building with surrounding streets and markets. This portion comes from one of the windows.It could be interpreted that the guy has just finished a song, but to me it suggests identity crisis. He's in a work outfit...suit with tie. He's holding a double bass. To me he looks exceedingly depressed.I play guitar and take photos. I don't wear a jacket to work everyday but I do wear pressed slacks and a tie. I don't feel depressed, though. If you've read this blog for very long you know that I take work very seriously and I take my art almost as seriously. I say "almost" only because there's just no way I can spend as much time on those pursuits.For now, at least, I'...
More About: Identity

Nothing Like a...
2007-08-17 16:24:00
...big hunk of metal to greet you in the morning post. That's what the photograph is. Some will call it ugly, no doubt; I call it beautiful. It reminds me of a painting. Click on it to make it larger.I stayed up way too late last night and got up way too early. Writing this post is simply a diversion from a little bout of morning anxiety that I'm having. Actually, I can't wait to get out of here and hit the road. The temperatures, which have been oppressive of late, are only supposed to top out at around 90 today. And there's a chance for rain. Anyway, there's an incredibly big difference between 105 degrees and 90 degrees. Right now it's 80.6! For the first time in at least a week, it's cooler outside than it is in my loft.And I want to publicly thank Agent Reyes for contributing to the blog. His posts, so far, have been to inform the readers and I've made them available on the sidebar under "Favorite Entries". I encourage everyone to have a look at them, espec...

Sweet, Sweet Progress
2007-08-17 06:42:00
I like to have a photo at the top of the page, but I do not want to distract from Agent Reyes' excellent post below. So if you haven't read it yet, please scroll down and do that.I've had a very, very long work day. Lots of stress, but no real anxiety problem at any point. Not really in the morning, even. Even though there are troubles afoot, I think I'm handling it really well. More retrospection: had this happened several months ago I would've been at the doorstep of some mental hospital, banging on the doors and begging them to admit me.So I've had this fixation on pipes lately. No snide comments. There's just a lot of exposed pipe in the building that's all. It doesn't mean anything!
More About: Sweet , Progress

The Treatment of Anxiety Disorders
2007-08-17 02:16:00
The information to follow will largely be devoted to Psychopharmacology, the treatment of anxiety/panic, or anxiety/panic co-existing with depression by means of Pharmacology (medication treatment).No treatment option (pharmacological or otherwise) will provide a total cure. Medication and psychotherapy can be useful tools, but ultimately, there is no known cure for acute anxiety disorders. Ideally, therapeutic treatment options should be used as tools only. Ultimately, only you can address and resolve your own issues, and work them out in your own unique way. This blog is one of many methods that can be utilized to help alter your thought pattern by providing a creative outlet. My own personal creative outlet is drag racing, which has helped me to overcome my driving phobia.As stated earlier, it is crucial that the dominating disorder be differentiated against any secondary disorder, and treated. When anxiety/panic does not occur in isolation, such as when there is a secondary comp...
More About: Treatment , Anxiety , Disorders , Diso , Anxiety Disorder

More Reminiscing
2007-08-16 16:05:00
Ah, college. What fun that was. I don't remember what year this could've been taken. 1998 or 1999, probably, which means I would've been 23 or 24 years old. Damn I had a good time back then.There's nothing like HP5. Look at that grain! Very hard to replicate digitally. There's probably some photoshop action that can do it, but I don't know that I'd use it if I had it.I don't know who took the photo, either, but they didn't know what they were doing so my face is conveniently obscured. Both photos are way underexposed. But they kind of look good that way, I think. It was most likely a girl, and I was most likely playing her a song to try to get her into bed. Or maybe I was playing a song because she got in bed with me. Or hopefully she was an actual girlfriend. I don't remember any guys ever taking photos of me, though.Those were the days, but these are good days, too. I'm refining my new style, but I think I'm going to be a better photographer than I ever w...
More About: Remi

A Blast from the Ancient Past....and other stuff
2007-08-16 03:57:00
I've finally stumbled on some of my old CD archives. Not the good stuff, yet, but I'll find it eventually. I guess I'll title this photo "Los Angeles Circa 1997". You can click on it to make it larger if you want, but it's soft. In those days I knew my way around a dark room but I didn't know the first thing about scanning. The reason I'm posting it? Read on...I remember the week it was taken very well. I was supposedly enrolled at Cal State LA, but was really out there for more clandestine reasons. Anyway, some friends came to visit this particular week, and I remember I was letting them drive me around when I made this photo somewhere near Hollywood, if memory serves. How does it relate to this blog? The very same day we were walking along Melrose and some chump comes up and asks us to screen a movie. Nothing unusual. It happens all the time out there. Well, I didn't particularly want to go but they did as it would be an unusual experience for them. The film w...
More About: Stuff , Past , Blast , Ancient

Part II - Anxiety Disorders Revealed
2007-08-16 03:30:00
This post is a continuum to that of the one titled: Part I – Anxiety Diso rders Revealed. The initial posting contains the more commonly encountered anxiety disorders, sorted by their DSM-IV classifications. However, they are not comprehensive by any means, and many folks presenting with acute anxiety states will do so atypically. Some will also present with other psychiatric manifestations, generally depression, which may co-exist secondary to the dominating disorder (an acute anxiety state).For the proper treatment to be implemented by the physician, he must possess the ability to differentiate between the dominant disorder, and any secondary disorders that may be present. Treating the dominating disorder will also treat the secondary disorder in the vast majority of cases. However, this does not always hold true (particularly if some physiological component is involved), and responses to medication are largely individualized. In a future post titled “the treatment of anxiety d...
More About: Anxiety Disorder

Part I - Anxiety Disorders Revealed
2007-08-16 00:02:00
What exactly IS anxiety, you may ask? By definition, anxiety is the unusual and overwhelming sensation of apprehension and fear, generally marked by physiological signs and symptoms.In the “normal” person, anxiety is a functional part of life, and is very common. Ideally, anxiety is only triggered at appropriate intervals – intervals of acute fear or danger (ex: swerving to avoid an accident, slamming the brakes to avoid a deer in the road), and other defensive acts or threats that occur abruptly. Anxiety triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, which is responsible for the release of Endogenous Catecholamines (Adrenaline reserves). The anxiety is typically short in duration (varying from a fraction of a second, to several minutes depending on the circumstances). Adrenaline is both a stimulant and potent vasoconstrictor, affecting various organ systems, namely the autonomic and sympathetic nervous system(s). Heart rate and blood pressure are increased, the respira...
More About: Part , Disorders , Diso , Anxiety Disorder

New Contributor - Agent Reyes
2007-08-14 23:49:00
Debaser has formally invited me to be a contributor on his blog titled "My brain: My friend, My enemy". Like Debaser, I have had my fair share of issues with regard to anxiety/panic, as well as some unrelated physical issues that have most certainly contributed to the anxiety/panic over a span of four years. Frankly, in some respects, the symptoms of anxiety/panic have surpassed those of the underlying physical issues in my case, often by a large margin. Anxiety is known as the "great imitator", and can mimic almost anything that can be conceived by the human mind and manifest itself as seemingly, and very realistic, signs and symptoms. More often than not, such signs and symptoms are misinterpreted as some disease process (where no actual disease exists). The more notable ones involve the cardiovascular, respiratory, gastrointestinal, and neurological systems. However, anxiety does not discriminate, and almost any bodily system may be adversely effected (or, I should add, perceived...
More About: Agent , Reyes , Tribu , Gent

The Afternoon, and Taking a Look Back
2007-08-14 22:35:00
I need to catch up on my post-processing, get some new photography done, and then do that post-processing. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here.Anyway, so this morning was kind of annoying. I woke up feeling suboptimal but was stuck here for work reasons. I desperately felt the need to leave, but there was nothing I could do. Finally, I decided to head up to the printers' shop and stand there and wait for my stuff to be done. As I approached his front door I got a call saying my order was ready. Perfect timing.And I was in a good place, geographically, too. The printer was sort of on the way to Plano, so I decided not to come home but to just continue on up there. I wasn't there long but it seemed to be productive, and in spite of the heat (I'm finally getting used to it, I guess), I was physically feeling quite good. So good, in fact, that I decided I'd just come home.I'm supposed to get paid on Mondays. Yesterday was Monday and I did not get paid. The check ...
More About: Back , Afternoon , Taking

Mechanic's Liens -- Texas
2007-05-28 04:38:00
Do you own or manage a facility which repairs cars, trucks, trailers, motorcycles, or watercraft of any kind? Do you restore classic vehicles? If so, you likely know the frustrations of having title problems or being stuck with a vehicle in which your customer either refuses or cannot pay for its repair. You must store these vehicles that you have put parts and labor into, and while you do so their value depreciates.Lone Star Vehicle Title Service has been in business for almost eighteen years. The main office is in Temple, and we also have an office in Dallas that serves the Metroplex. We'd be happy to help you rectify title issues.I am the Dallas office, and you can contact me through the "e-mail me" on the side bar.Our main office telephone number is 1-800-762-6596.
More About: Texas , Liens

404 on 613photo.com
2006-05-30 17:28:00
My photoblog must be down for some reason. If you don't mind letting me know via Email or just by leaving a comment here, I can take it up with my host.Thanks, and try again later.