The Epicurean Dealmaker

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A Modest Proposal
2007-02-03 15:01:00
FOR PREVENTING THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICERS OF PUBLIC CORPORATIONS FROM BEING A BURDEN TO THEIR SHAREHOLDERS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC1IT IS a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and expensive restaurants, crowded with former Chief Executive Officers of public companies, followed by three, four, or six hangers-on, consisting of PR flacks, personal trainers and bodyguards, and second or third wives, all in furs and importuning passersby for the location of Charlie Rose's studio. These ex-CEOs, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in playing the 100 Best Golf Courses in the World, yachting in the New Hebrides, and giving interviews on "Larry King Live." Worse, they are routinely compelled by their straitened circumstances to author self-exculpatory autobiographies and tendentious management screeds (with the...
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"Iacta alea est"
2007-01-12 23:43:00
Afficionados of Ancient Roman history (and the current HBO series "Rome") will recognize the title of this inaugural posting as coming from our good friend and paragon among alpha males, Gaius Julius Caesar. It translates roughly as "the die is cast." Caesar supposedly uttered this phrase as he crossed the river Rubicon, ancient and sacred boundary of the Roman Republic, in full war regalia at the head of a fully armed legion of crack Roman troops. Other Romans, historians tell us, considered this to be very bad form, at the least.Caesar went on to oversee what we might call a successful hostile takeover of the Republic, ultimately appointing himself as Dictator for Life. Eventually, of course, some disgruntled senators took it upon themselves to restore the Republic (or at least get rid of Caesar), and the poor fellow ended up expiring on the Senate floor in a pool of his own blood. Now—minus the dodgy togas and the bronze daggers—this scenario draws so many parall...

About Me
2007-01-02 00:05:00
WHAT IS AN EPICUREAN DEALMAKER?Simply put, an oxymoron. Or at least an anachronism.Merriam Webster (our heroes, dontcha know) says Greek philosopher Epicurus (Greek Έπίκουρος) (341 BC, Samos – 270 BC, Athens)subscribed to a hedonistics ethics that considered an imperturbable emotional calm the highest good and whose followers held intellectual pleasures superior to transient sensualism.Doesn't sound like the typical M&A closing dinner to me ...ABOUT METHE EPICUREAN DEALMAKER — New York, New York, USAI facilitate, justify, and advise parties to M&A transactions, when I am not advising against them. I have been doing this for almost two decades, mostly at a couple of big banks everyone has heard of and lately at an independent advisory boutique. I am one of the bad guys, if you like.I remain anonymous because I enjoy my job, my apartment, and my family, and I would prefer not to give any or all of them up because I have insulted or ridiculed some vengeful member o...

Topics Addressed in These Pages
2007-01-01 23:10:00
These topics will be added to, deleted, and modified at the whim of the editor. No returns, exchanges, or refunds will be accepted.ad hominem — Scurrilous slander, vile calumny, and cheap shots levelled at those among the Great and Good deserving of such treatment (i.e., most of them). A perennial favorite of our readers, and one guaranteed to continue ad infinitum, given the reliably ludicrous and pathetic behavior of said G&G.bon mots — Memorable quotes and other tidbits authored by persons not formally employed by TED or its Cayman Islands affiliates.Folly — A catch all topic, which should be self-explanatory to anyone with more than a third grade reading level.fourth estate — Affectionate gibes and tender pokes at the follies, pretensions, and general misdeeds of our fellow bloggers and friends among the financial press and mainstream media. Always good for a cheap laugh.ghost in the machine — Discursions on financial bubbles, the madness of crow...
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Graveyard of Slightly Relevant Quotes & Aphorisms
2007-01-01 06:01:00
A collection of quotes usually appearing on the home page of this blog that, in my sole and unappealable opinion, should be preserved for posterity. This post will be added to sporadically at whim. Amusing and slightly relevant contributions are welcome by e-mail at epicureandealmaker [at] hushmail [dot] com.I will make an effort to confirm the authenticity and attribution of these quotes, but I promise you it will not be strenuous. My sources are various in kind and authority, and will include—gasp!—the internet. I am sure you can handle it."Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig."— Anonymous"There are certain sins for which even your death will not atone."— Investment Banking MD, briefing an Associate on a deal"There are many people for whom 'thinking' necessarily means identifying with existing trends."— attributed to Marshall McLuhan© 2007 The Epicurean Dealmaker. All rights reserved.
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