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A Hard Blog Life Tribute: John M. Rigo
2006-09-11 21:30:03
Today marks the 5th anniversary of the September 11, 2001, when terrorists attacked the mainland of the United States and felled the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and were presumably set up to strike the White House as well. Hard Blog Life wishes to recognize this day by remembering one of the many who lost their lives in the attack: John M. Rigo John was a businessman who lived in New York and worked in the World Trade Center, travelling frequently. One of his favorite things to do was to walk his Scottish terrier, in his tuxedo, while smoking a cigar. His friend Sherry Boyar describes him as an "intensely serious, hard-working, intellectual individual who was paradoxically (and seamlessly!) a bon-vivant" [someone who has refined taste, particularly in food and drink]. John was 48 when he was killed by the attacks. We at Hard Blog Life wish to also honor all others who perished that day. sources referenced: http://memorial.mmc.com/pgBio.asp?ID=227 other sources: http://www...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episodes 48 ? 60 [Unedited]
2006-08-20 19:42:03
[Due to a few problems, the rest of this story has been posted unedited or prettied up, things that will occur later on. Still, enjoy the story...]
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Matthew Says ?So Long? for a Bit
2006-08-20 19:42:03
Hey everyone, all our wonderful readers. Bad news. I?ve found myself in a situation where I will not have access to the internet for a few months to possibly a year or so. Therefore, I will not be posting anymore for a while. My wife also won?t be posting as often as she has (which wasn?t very often at all). And, as Aaron rarely posts as well, it is my pleasure to temporarily hand the reigns over to Dakota, who WILL continue to post regularly on this thang. The HB Tunes won?t be updated, the Survey Wars Audio Books are being put on hold, and I?ve rapped up the Surveys Reloaded story early with a big unedited file containing the rest of the story. Dakota is a very busy boy, which means that the blog won?t be updated daily as it has been, but he will update as often as he can. The new posts will not stop! Keep reading, please don?t stop! Read our archives of nearly a thousand posts, over ¾?s of which aren?t time sensitive and the ones that are time sensitive are a great walk down...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 46 ? State of Confusion
2006-08-17 19:36:03
State of Confusion By Matthew Coker Silence. Silence so loud Matthias?s ears hurt. Darkness. Darkness so dark is was really dark. Wherever Matthias was, he sure couldn?t see. I mean, this darkness was really, really dark. It was so dark, he couldn?t even see his hand two inches from his nose. I want to make sure you understand that this was some dark darkness, here. Not like evening darkness on a cool summer?s eve. I mean, like if somebody had duct taped Matthias?s eyes shut and threw him in the trunk of a car and buried the car under ground kinda darkness. Like, six feet underground. Hey, was he dead? Right, right. Matthias blew up in the last episode. Matthias knew this. So, why was he still conscious? Was he going to see the Almighty Being? Why was it taking so long? You would think it would be a quick journey to Heaven in the spirit world. [...]
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 47 ? Harsher Reality
2006-08-17 19:36:03
Harsher Reality By Matthew Coker ?What do you mean it hasn?t happened?! I remember everything!? Matthias protested. Dakius said, ?Get it all out, Matthias,? as he waited for Matthias to say everything he needed to say, partially because he was curious, partially because it?s relevant to this story. ?Look, Dakius! I remember you taking my wife 45 years ago! I remember following you through that first rift 25 years ago! I remember spending the next 25 years of my life hatching an ingenious plan to save her! I remember arriving at the wrong point in time! I remember blowing up and dying! Then, suddenly, I find myself back aboard the shuttle with my wife again?! Like someone pushed the reset button on my life! Then, you took her again, but returned her this time before I could follow you! Then, you took me!? ?Okay,? Dakius said, ?First, you?ve got to understand something, in returning your wife to your shuttle, we prevented you from following our ship. That means that you never ...
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First-Hand Westboro - Part 3
2006-08-17 19:36:03
With Army Sgt. Leroy Segura?s funeral long over, we saw no sign of West boro Baptist Church. They didn?t show. Why? Because they never intended to. Westboro sent a new release that they were coming to our town to protest the funeral of a fallen soldier, claiming that God had killed him, that God is America?s terrorist because we gave American over to ?fags?. They are wrong of course, but it is not always necessary for them to show up when they say they will. They main goal is to spread their message, and since we have but only a few news outlets in our area, they all covered it, running stories that stated the message of Westboro. That is why they did not come. They already shared their hate and caused an uproar in our community against them, exactly what they wanted. Westboro is sickening. I hope to God that they never do show their faces in our town. If they do, our denizens will be ready, armed with In-Context Bibles and Right-Side-Up American Flags. God bless America. A...
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Final Fantasy MEETS dc Talk
2006-08-17 19:36:03
Okay, one more video. Pretty sweet.
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First-Hand Westboro ? Part 2
2006-08-15 19:33:03
After a rather hectic night, completely unrelated to current events, my wife and I finally made out way to Clovis at around 9:45 AM. We drove by Sacred Heart Catholic Church expecting to see a large group of people surrounding a small group of people holding horrible signs. However, as we drove past, there were tons of people, tons of the Patriot Riders, but no protestors, no groups of angry people, no mob scenes. No West boro. [...]
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12 Things I Hate: Crying Out from My Soul
2006-08-15 19:33:03
1. People who misspell ?Santa Claus? as ?Santa Clause? because they?ve seen that Tim Allen movie too many times. 2. Modern art that is, well, stupid and pointless and shouldn?t be anywhere near the term ?art?. ?It?s crying out from the depths of the artist?s soul.? Yeah? Prove it. I think he?s giving you garbage to see how much you?ll pay for it. 3. Knowing you are going to throw up, feeling yourself about to throw up, tasting the throw up in the back of your throat, hovering over the toilet for two hours, wanting to throw up to just be done with it, trying to just make yourself throw up to just be done with it, dry-heaving a few times and feeling the throw up coming, and never throwing up. 4. Rude waitresses. 5. Fajitas served in a hot skilled, filling the entire restaurant with thick smoke. 6. Purposeful misspellings in the name of cuteness. 7. Stores that don?t open until 10 AM. I?ve been awake for four hours. Don?t you want to take my money? 8. That every Cracker Jacks ...
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HBL History: Aug 12 ? Aug 18
2006-08-15 19:33:03
Here are the posts from Hard Blog Life in the past from August 12 to August 18! August 12, 2005: Back From Brazil ? Deus Ama Voce by Aaron [Aaron has just returned from a mission trip to Brazil. Read the awesome story!] August 13, 2005: iPod People by Matthew [Some people take their music seriously. Seriously enough to kill their significant others over the loss of their music. Really.] August 14, 2005: Walk with the Wise (Proverbs 13) by Matthew [Devotional by Matthew on the topic of God-breathed Wisdom.] August 16, 2005: Complaints about being a Christian. by Matthew [Why is America less and less tolerant towards Christians when tolerance of all faiths is being pushed for so fervently. Why can a persecuted Gay man be called a victim, but the persecuted Christian had it coming?] August 17, 2005: Would You Kill a Man for This? by Matthew [If your county was giving away slightly used Apple iBooks for $50 each, how far would you go to get one? Would push and shove your way to t...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 45 ? Grand Theft Shuttle
2006-08-15 19:33:03
Plenty of Time By Matthew Coker Finding a shuttle without a signature and finding one equipped with a phaser coagulator-converter on board was a pretty easy job. Michael Solo was the owner of the only one. He specifically made sure it had no signature so he could go where ever he wanted, and as fast as he wanted, as long as he stayed out of view screen range. He lived for danger and excitement. Michael was enjoying a bowl of macrowaved Mac & Cheese, the kind that comes pre-mixed and only takes 3 seconds to make, when his doorbell rang. ?Come in!? he hollered. It was Doc H. Michael put his food down and walked over to him, ?Hey Doc! I thought our appointment wasn?t until Wednesday?? ?Oh, right, well, I have to change our schedule, something rather important has come up for Wednesday. Do you have five minutes?? ?Sure,? Michael said, ?I can always reheat this Mac.? ?My name?s not Mac.? ?No, I mean, I can reheat the Mac & Cheese later.? ?Oh, right, right. Well, let me giv...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 43 ? Back to the Past (Again)
2006-08-14 19:30:16
Back to the Past (Again) By Matthew Coker ?You want to kill the Imperial Queen Dee, too? Why? I?m sick of people wanting to kill the Imperial Queen Dee!? a distraught and heavily bound Captain Deidra Vassar asked. The tall, strange figure responded, ?We are not going to kill her. You are.? ?Why me?? ?Because, Ms. Vassar?? ?It?s ?Misses?!? she yelled. ?Sorry. Because, Mrs. Vassar, you are the chosen one,? the man walked away. Just as he cleared the doorway, he muttered, ?We hope.? *** Aboard the USS TitanPrize D, in SickBay, Matthias came to. At the sign of him stirring, Doc H ran to his side, ?Hello, Commander!? ?Doc H? Where is Dr. Martin?? a disoriented Matthias asked. ?Sir, I am the Chief Medical Officer aboard this ship. As a matter of fact, all Chief Medical Officers aboard all ships have my program.? ?But I just saw Dr. Martin this morning,? Matthias protested. ?Commander, need I remind you, you are not aboard your TitanPrize. I scanned your body. You passed ou...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 44 ? Plenty of Time
2006-08-14 19:30:16
Plenty of Time By Matthew Coker The next twenty five years for Matthias were a blur, passing almost as quickly as they had when he traveled through time. He was now 64 years old. He stayed aboard the USS TitanPrize D, with Captain Anna Brim, for a while. Upon hearing of his return, SkyFleet made him an Admiral. There were parties, a parade, even a few high schools had been named after him in his absence. He enjoyed the honor, not knowing he was missed so much. Of course, more high schools were named after his wife, Deidra Vassar. By now, she had to be dead, Matthias thought. He watched Anna grow up and eventually become an Admiral herself. He treated her like daughter, which she was to him, especially since she didn?t age nearly as fast due to the few remaining Korg implants that kept her young. She lived next door to Matthias and was always at his place. He also tracked down the original program of Doc H, which was aboard another SkyFleet vessel. SkyFleet made a trade in...
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First-Hand Westboro - Part 1
2006-08-14 19:30:16
A couple weeks ago, a fallen solider named Robert Kassin was honored in my church, having been a resident of Clovis. That was a hard time for community and we were all in mourning for our fallen friend. Then, less than two weeks after the service, we found out that another one of our soldiers had fallen, Leroy Segura Jr. His services are being held tomorrow. This morning, in our church service, my pastor got up to speak about this, saying that a special circumstance has arisen around Segura?s funeral service. At that moment, I felt a knot in my stomach. ?No,? I thought in my head. My pastor continued, ?A group from Topeka, Kansas?? ?NO!? I thought even louder. ??is going to be there protesting the funeral, called West boro Baptist Church.? A collective grown was released in my Baptist church?s sanctuary. Westboro is no Baptist church. No Baptist association wants anything to do with them. They are as far from Christianity as any can be. My friend Dakota and I, who have been...
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Christian Q&A: ?Gay Bashing?
2006-08-11 19:24:14
What is ?gay bashing?? ?Gay Bash ing? is a term that is used when someone is vocally intolerant of a homosexual. In most cases, the charge of ?gay bashing? is accurate, because many people are upset with, angry with, or flat out weirded out by homosexuals. Gay bashing could be anything from making fun of people, not including people, firing people, or even a physical act of violence on someone all because he or she might be a homosexual. Unfortunately, if someone says that a man dressing up like the Chaquita banana lady is weird or ridiculous, that is also considered ?gay bashing? and possibly even a ?hate crime?. Who are doing these things? A large percentage of those who ?gay bash? are Chris t ian s who care nothing about the souls of these homosexuals. Some Christians just see homosexuals as a stain on the new shirt of society that must be removed. [...]
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 42 ? Angry Skies
2006-08-11 19:24:14
The shuttle?s shields weren?t even raised. Worse yet, that first blast knocked them offline anyway. ?Who fired at us?!? Captain Vassar yelled. ?I don?t know!? Matthias responded. Matthias had almost instantly grabbed the controls. He scanned the area, ?Nothing is on sensors.? Another hit. Not only was nothing on sensors, nothing was outside the window either. The shots seemed to materialize right out of thin air, so to speak. ?Is that ship cloaked?? the Captain asked. ?Babe, it cannot be cloaked and be firing at us at the same time!? ?Well, it sure looks like it can.? ?Awwwwwww, our first fight,? Matthias said, sarcastically. ?Remind me to punch you in the face later.? Another hit. This time, weapons were gone. It didn?t matter really, they couldn?t see who to fire at anyway. ?Matthias, get us out of here!? the Captain demanded. ?Gladly!? Matthias said, just before another hit rocked the shuttle, ?Um? nevermind. We?ve lost propulsion.? [...]
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?Bully?-ing Their Opinions into Our Brains
2006-08-11 19:24:14
Video games have a bad rep. They are violent, gory, bloody, outlandish, vile, and they cause little children to torture their pets. And that?s just Pac-Man! Rockstar games is releasing their newest controversial title, called ?Bull y ?. Yes, the same Rockstar games that brings us the Grand Theft Auto titles that are commonly at the top of the list for those who want to prove that video games are despicable. ?Bully? follows a kid in a boarding school who basically chooses how he will live there, which includes battles with the nerds, who are small, but smart enough to build fireworks to hit him with. While many are already calling this new Rockstar game a ?Columbine simulator?, in reference to the Columbine shootings in 1999, the game itself has no guns, no deaths, no gore, not even splattering blood! Just fisticuffs and planning. I don?t believe it?s a coincidence that on the same day, a report is released blaming video games for desensitizing kids to violence. [...]
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An Inconvenient Truth about Al Gore
2006-08-11 19:24:14
Global Warming is striking fear in the hearts of millions as Al Gore continues to push his movie, ?An Inconvenient Truth ?, and yet, Al Gore himself is living very conveniently. According to a new report by Peter Schweizer, Al Gore is not living as ?green? as he?s telling the rest of us to live. Al Gore?s save the earth sermons always push a ?carbon-neutral? lifestyle: use compact fluorescent light bulbs, dry clothes on a clothesline, drive a hybrid car, recycle, live a little less conveniently, stop the excessive consumption. All the while, he and his wife own three homes, large homes, one as big as 10,000 square feet with 20 rooms and eight bathrooms! He travels around in a private jet, which he claims to offset by renewable energy credits, however, just one trip from coast to coast on that private jet puts as much pollution into our atmosphere as a Hummer 2 would in an entire year of driving! [...]
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Surveys Reloaded: Introduction
2006-08-11 19:24:14
Survey s Reloaded was originally a separate-but-equal continuation of Survey Wars featuring an entirely new cast of characters and Ike and a Matthew-based character Mateo, modeled after Neo from The Matrix. In fact, the entire story was written by Dakota & Matthew in the same manner as Survey Wars was. But, upon the time of the completion of the story, which took much longer to write than expected, many of the episodes were missing, due to an e-mail account switch mistake. The story was unsalvageable as it was, but neither Dakota nor Matthew thought it was very good anyway. It?s hard to do something like that again and make it as good as the first. So, that whole version was scraped and a few months later, Matthew decided to write a new version of it, keeping the good jokes and a few of the characters and the main premise intact, but he decided to make it a continuation from Survey Trek, using Captain Deidra Vassar and her crew again, to truly make this a trilogy of Sci-Fi parod...
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So Much Time, So Little to Do
2006-08-11 19:24:14
Some of my friends at work are saying that they are ready for school to start because they are bored. But not me. I am dreading the fact that I am now going to have schoolwork up to my eyeballs as well as usual work, and I will still need to find time to spend with my husband, as well as keep the house clean. It has been nice not having to worry about what day it is and which class assignment I should do first. However, in anticipation of school starting I decided this week that I would start getting up at 7:00 instead of the usual 9:30-10:00. It was a difficult decision and I almost backed out, then I made the mistake of telling my husband, there?s no way I can sleep in now. I can?t believe that I am actually functioning pretty good for having a lot less sleep. I am hoping that this will fix my problem of staying in bed awake for an hour and listening to Matthew snore while I wonder if I?ll ever get to sleep. This is only the second day of me waking up at a decent time, a...
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Ask :Dr. Smile: Privacy from Mom
2006-08-11 19:24:14
Dear Doc Smile , Does my mom have the right to go through my drawers? -Keith Broccoli Dear Buttbroccoli, I guess it just depends on the kind of person you are. Are you a child between the ages of zero and 18 living with your mom? If so, then of course she has the right to go through your stuff, you stupid punk kid! Are you hiding stuff? Hmm? Dirty magazines perhaps? Drugs? The latest Justin Timberlake CD? Stuff you don?t want her to know about? If you are, then you asking me this question is just an attempt to prove to your mother that she can?t touch your stuff so you can get away with your disgusting little habits. Well, be prepared bucko, because when you are living in your parents? home and you aren?t paying your share of the rent, then they control any and everything. And if you are paying your share of the rent, then if you are until 18, she still has the right because you are still a child in the eyes of the law. If you are 18, then she still has the right? because s...
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Surveys Reloaded: Episode 41 ? June 10
2006-08-11 19:24:14
June 10 By Matthew Coker ?Then, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife! You may kiss the bride!? announced Rev. Earl Turbaville, ?May I present for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Matthias? uh? Matthias?? The Reverend leaned into Matthias?s ear and asked, ?Um? what is your last name?? Matthias whispered back, ?I don?t have one. Like Napoleon.? ?Napoleon had a last name. Bonaparte.? ?Oh, I mean Gandhi.? ?Gandhi was his last name. Mahatma Gandhi.? ?Fine. I just don?t have one, okay?? The Reverend stood back up and continued, ?Mr. and Mrs. Deidra Vassar. Or, I guess, First Officer and Captain Deidra Vassar.? The crowd laughed. ?May the Almighty Being bless this union!? June 10th. The wedding day for Captain Deidra Vassar and her First Officer Matthias. It was unusual for a SkyFleet Captain to marry, let alone get married to her First Officer, but after ten years of dating, they thought it was about time. As did most of their crew. [...]
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Survey Trek: Episode 40 ? The Journey Home
2006-08-09 19:21:02
The Journey Home By Matthew Coker ?Captain?s Log. Stardate 473425.2. With Darth Coker dead and Imperial rule safe, Ike sent us back to our ship. We now await the arrival of J to make the space anomaly reappear so we can get back to our universe and continue our original mission.? The Captain closed her logbook and walked onto the bridge. ?Captain.? ?Yes, Tech.? ?Captain, I was pondering the reason why Ike did not bring us with her and yourself to disable Darth Coker."? ?Have you come to any conclusions?? ?I assume that she was looking out for us. Or that she thought it would take too much energy to get us to the Death Planet and then to R-WAC 1.? ?Well, Tech, your assumption is wrong. She just forgot you guys.? ?Ha ha, so much for logic, ear boy!? CD hollered out. Matthias looked over at CD, ?Aren?t you supposed to have your emotion chip off when you work? And don?t you work in Engineering?? ?My shift just ended, sm?? Drasan interrupted, ?I wouldn?t call the First Off...
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Survey Trek: Inside Jokes Explained
2006-08-09 19:21:02
MATT: Hey everyone, Matthew Coker here. And joining me is? DAKOTA: Dakota Helphenstine, how ya doin? MATT: And we are well aware that there were probably some jokes you didn?t get or some lines that might have come out of no where in this story. Some things might have been understood, even laughed it, but you didn?t know that there was actually some significance behind it. DAKOTA: Well, welcome to EPISODE TWO of INSIDE JOKES YOU PROBABLY MISSED, where we will reveal to you each inside joke and the stories behind them. [...]
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The Republican Party is No Place for Christians
2006-08-09 19:21:02
Bold statement, that one. I don?t believe that Christian s should join the Republican party. However, I don?t think Christians should join the Democratic party either. Neither of them are trying to live by Godly standards. The following is an opinion of mine, something that I am starting to see more and more clearly since I left the Republican party and starting making my own decisions politically. Many may disagree. I welcome the criticism, but this is something I must get off my chest. For anyone with eyes and a capacity for thought, it?s plain to see that neither the Democratic nor the Republican parties are truly ones that Christianity can support whole-heartedly in the way it is run or in the stances they take. Like it or not, the stereotypes are true in both categories. Republicans are money-mongers who desperately want to line their own pockets. Several cases each year are brought up against well-known republicans and their money grubbing ways. [...]
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Doodle Toosdies: Petey the Pistol
2006-08-08 19:18:04
You new favorite child-time puppet-plushie! Coming soon, Sammy the Switchblade, Freddy the Flamethrower, and Ricky the Rocket Launcher!
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The Dixie Chicks Play in Heartbreak Town
2006-08-08 19:18:04
Since their comments in March 2003 that because of the war declared in Iraq, the Chick s were ashamed that the President was from their home state of Texas, they haven?t been able to live it down. The liberal side wants to have you believe that they haven?t been phased by that at all, that they are as popular as ever. Heck! Their latest two albums went platinum! STRONG SALES! But the things is, their latest two albums came out following those comments and went platinum. However, the albums released before the controversial comments went Platinum times six, times ten, or even times twelve! When you compare Platinum times one to Platinum times TWELVE, you know something went wrong. Sure, they may have strong sales compared to John Lithgow?s ?Singing in the Tub?, but not compared to their previous albums. Their latest battle has come during their Accidents & Accusations tour, in which they?ve had to cancel some of their shows due to sluggish ticket sales. What cities have been crosse...
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12 Things I Hate: Lateness
2006-08-08 19:18:04
[Sorry this is a day late. I don?t know how I forgot about it!] 1. People who don?t rant about things that upset them because they ?try not to be negative?. Let it out, man! 2. Anyone who devotes themselves wholeheartedly to Republicans, Democrats, or any other party as if they were infallible. 3. Slow-butt elevators. 4. Signs in store windows that say in huge text ?Everything $1? and then in smaller text cramped in a corner: ?and up?. So, basically, it could cost between $1 and $infinity. 5. The inevitable event of everyone and their mother quoting the annoying catchphrases from the latest movie or episode of South Park. 6. That despite the amount of times I give her the opportunity, Mrs. Butterworth has never spoken on my kitchen table. 7. Buying gas for $2.83 at the first gas station I see and then afterward, driving by all the other stations who are only charging $2.71. 8. That I remember, just a few years ago, when gas was, like, $1.28 or less! 9. People who are afraid...
More About: Hate , Hat , Things , Ness , Late

HACKED: Why Elvis Isn?t Dead
2006-08-08 19:18:04
Greetings once again from the celebrated institution that is hackdom. Once again I have invaded the Hard Blog Life control panel to release to you information that has been dying to surface for the longest time. Here is the latest theory: Elvis is alive. We?ve all heard the official story. August 16, 1977, Elvis returns to Graceland, after a late night dentist appointment, with his girlfriend Ginger Alden. They stayed up late, partly because Elvis had taken some ?uppers?. Alden went to sleep at 7 am, but Elvis took a book and went to the bathroom. Alden woke up at 2 pm and found Elvis dead on the floor in the bathroom. At 3 pm, he was pronounced dead with the official cause of death slated as ?cardiac arrhythmia brought on by straining at stool?. Pushing too hard killed him. But here is some information I have recently uncovered that might prove the King could still be alive and well: The medical examiner?s report said that Elvis was found in the bathroom, already in a rigor-...
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Survey Trek: Episode 39 ? Aye, I
2006-08-08 19:18:04
Darth Coker began the firing sequence and targeted Tos 4. *** On Tos 4, Drasan warned Ike, ?It?s warming up! He?s about to fire.? ?What am I going to do?!? Ike yelled. ?I have an idea,? Tech said. *** Darth Coker fired the weapon. It would take 20 seconds to hit from this distance. *** Ike focused hard. ?It?s coming!? Drasan yelled. Ike flicked her wrist and one of Tos 4?s moons was moved from behind the planet to right in the path of the Death Survey shot, only ten seconds away. ?Oh no!? Drasan yelled, ?There is a Tos 4 ship in front of the moon! Ike, move them! Quick! Five seconds!? Ike focused hard again. She flicked her wrist and the ship disappeared. Just in time, as the Death Survey?s laser beam struck the moon of Tos 4 and it disintegrated. Ike said, ?Okay! We?ve got to get aboard the Death Survey before Darth Coker fires again!? Ike moved her hand, but Captain Vassar stopped her. ?Wait! Where is that ship you made disappear?? Vassar asked. [...]
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