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I Miss You THIS Much
2008-02-28 01:31:00
I know that I'm often shockingly candid on this blog ("Must he write about self-fellatio again?!"), but I must use this entry to be even more honest than usual.I've been a bit depressed.Anybody who has seen my Weighing Pork Chop video series and has thought about the kind of relationship that Pork Chop and I must have in order to produce such a series together would surely know that we love each other very very much. He is the closest thing I will ever have to having a human baby, so I treat him with what some would call an unusual amount of care and affection. Pork Chop is also a very social cat. Though he meows little and doesn't clamor for attention like some high-maintenance animals, he does enjoy being interactive with people.Although I very much appreciate being up in the San Francisco Bay Area for about two months (after all, I will always consider SF my home, and Jukebox Stories has been so gratifying on so many levels), I really really really miss Pork Chop. He has been ...
More About: Video Clips , Miss , Miss You , I Miss You

"The First Rule of 'High School Musical' Is That You Talk About 'High Schoo
2008-02-27 09:00:00
[Believe it or not, one of the greatest and funniest articles about High School Musical ever was not written by me. Blogger Aaron Sankin of Scenes From the Scene recently penned an entry about the stage touring production of HSM so hilarious and biting that I asked his permission to repost it here for your enjoyment. High praise indeed. And a much-welcome entry into the growing body of satirical articles about HSM meant to rile up tween girls worldwide. Before another flame war starts, ladies, please keep in mind that I like HSM?I really do. Really.]If you've been down Market Street in the past couple weeks you may have seen that big sign advertising the upcoming touring production of High School Musical at the Orpheum Theatre. Since this is probably going to be a big deal, we put together a set of little known facts about High School Musical to get you, the blog-reading, musical-theatre-going public, ready for the magic that is High School Musical.Productions of High School Musica...
More About: Theater , Talk

Buy This Novel! Yes, I Said NOVEL!
2008-02-26 23:55:00
The last novel I read from beginning to end was Scott Heim's Mysterious Skin, which was way back in 1996 and which I later adapted into a stage play. Since then, I've eschewed novels for nonfiction tomes and suffered the snobbery of my literary friends. Basically, Scott Heim and his beautifully written and deeply affecting book ruined me for life.Despite living on opposite ends of the country, Scott and I have managed to forge a lovely bond as strange soul mates (spending a day at Amoeba Records with him is an indescribable adventure, as is watching I Love New York on TV), and I was thrilled when he sent me an advanced copy of his new novel, We Disappear, a few months ago. I can finally let the secret out of the bag and let you know that I've been reading it?yes, I've been reading a NOVEL?and it is so achingly beautiful and personal that I'm actually afraid to read it too quickly, as if rushing through sentences too quickly might "break" the book. It's one that you will want t...
More About: Books , Video Clips

Hotness!
2008-02-25 09:12:00
You already know that Gabriel's movie, The Lost Coast, got into the South by Southwest film festival, but you haven't yet seen the trailer, which is fantastic. Watch it now. It's so curious...BI-CURIOUS!:And then sign up on Gabriel's mailing list to keep updated on future screenings. The more people sign up, the more Gabriel will let me spank his ass.
More About: Movies , Video Clips , Hotness

Which Orifice?
2008-02-25 09:04:00
Long before Diablo Cody , Juno screenwriter and my compatriot in boy band husbandry, won an Oscar, I asked her if I could touch it if she won. She said yes. Then I specified that I wanted to not only touch it but to also stick it in me. She did not protest.She's probably forgotten that text exchange, but I am posting this to remind her that I am currently in the process of choosing which orifice.By the way, CONGRATULATIONS!
More About: Movies

My Ten Favorite Movies of 2007; Or, Your Friendly Alternative to the Oscars
2008-02-24 21:37:00
As you know, the Oscars are not the ultimate authority on films. I am.So, I spent a lot of time and effort whittling down the list of more than 100 movies I saw that were released in 2007 to bring you my ten favorites of the year. Objectivity was not my goal in compiling this list?rather, this is an opportunity for you to understand the man behind Bamboo Nation and his unique aesthetic. If, along the way, you're duly inspired to see any of the films in question, I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. The text about each film is lifted from what I had originally written about them right here on this blog.1. Once"This small, ragtag independent film is devoid of complicated plotting, enigmatic characterizations, layers of metaphor, and literary flash (which many artists nowadays feel are necessary to GET YOUR ATTENTION). But despite its artistic modesty, Once manages to be the most emotionally complex and gratifying cinematic experience I've had this year and certainly the best movi...
More About: Movies , Alternative , Friendly , Favorite

Asian Power!; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02.23.08
2008-02-24 21:00:00
We just wrapped up Week Two of Jukebox Stories : The Case of the Creamy Foam, and many people know by now that Asian -American audience members get special treatment. I will let them choose stories for me to perform, I will root for them to win prizes, and, like last night, I will stop THE ENTIRE SHOW to chat with them about Filipino culture. We APAs have to stick together! It's us against The Man!White people, don't be afraid. Brandon's got your back. In fact, I think he makes fun of me when I'm looking the other way.On another note, how is it that I've ended up at bars the last two evenings?On Friday, Brandon and I stumbled into Raleigh's on Telegraph Avenue. The bouncer found it amazing and rather heartening that we were older than he was because he's used to being the Old Guy amongst rowdy Cal students, many of which happen to be smokin'?and that is why Brandon GOT CAUGHT LOOKING at a hot Asian chick. That made me happy because I'm the one who usually gets caught (not wit...
More About: Power , Brandon Patton

Another Campaign Trail
2008-02-23 22:18:00
The filmmakers of Laundromat (the short movie I'm in) are up for an award for their other movie, Just. You can help these hot and sexy men win by voting early and often. And if they win, they might stick parts of their bodies in my mouth! Here's a message from one of them:Wanted to let you all know that voting for Just as the Member's Choice goes up live today. Voting ends on Feb 29th. The link is here. All you need is a PlanetOut membership, which is free to set up and takes only two seconds if you don't already have it! Then, you can vote once every day.I know you will take a few minutes to vote because you are always so desperate to please hot and sexy men. Do it, bitches!
More About: Movies , Campaign , Trail

My Love Affair With My Own Hair Continues; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02
2008-02-23 21:18:00
I was excited about last night's performance of Jukebox Stories : The Case of the Creamy Foam because I got to show off my new haircut and hair style to the audience. (Unfortunately, I'm not near a preteen girl so I don't have a camera phone or other picture-taking device handy to show you. What I do have is this drawing that an audience member made for us. Thanks!)On my way to lunch and having given up on finding a suitable place to cut my hair (Friday appointments were booked up all over), I accidentally parked across the street from a shop with a big sign in front that read "BLOW." I noticed that it was a salon with a lovely transsexual receptionist in the window, and I was like, "Hell yeah, I'm going to a place called 'Blow' with a lovely transsexual receptionist in the window!" She was friendly, flirty, and can wear a tight sweater like nobody's business.My stylist looked like a rocker chick, tattoos and all, but promptly informed me that she actually sang Scandinavian fo...
More About: Love , Hair , Affair

Murky Outlook
2008-02-22 20:03:00
My entire schedule for weeks and weeks and months and months is meticulously detailed on my Outlook calendar on my computer. This morning I accidentally deleted something that I had scheduled for March 6, 2008, and I don't have the "undo" option to recover it. I don't remember what it is, and it's driving me CRAZY. Does anybody know? I know I have a show that night, but what else? Do I have a meeting with you? Are we supposed have lunch? Were you scheduled to suck me off? WHAT?! I'm having a minor panic attack, as I sometimes do.

Just Go to See's; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02.21.08
2008-02-22 10:02:00
It was cool that people actually braved the Berkeley rain to come to tonight's show, including a Birthday Girl who miraculously walked away with three prizes, the best of which was an elaborate candy-making kit. 'Cuz, you know, who doesn't want to spend seven hours trying to make a single truffle?Afterward, Brandon and I walked up and down the Telegraph Avenue area, and he kept popping into restaurants to ask how late they stayed open because we usually want to be out late after every show and our options have so far been limited. I mean, who wants to go home alone and blog?
More About: Jukebox , Stories , Brandon Patton

"Courageously Expanding Your Vocabulary" by Golf Widow, Guest Blogger
2008-02-21 20:22:00
[Prince's Note: To satisfy my large Jewish readership (and Jewish wannabes), blogger Golf Widow temporarily takes over Bamboo Nation to give you a very important lesson.] I have temporarily infiltrated Prince's dominions. I have a hot pink lipstick, and I'm writing "I LOVE YOU!!!!" all over everything.He's just that awesome.Unfortunately, I'm only vaguely awesome, but, fortunately (for you), Prince tends to keep his posts short unless he has news or else he posts a YouTube for your edification.I don't think his site has enough references to the Yiddish language, so here is a Yiddish lesson for you?because this is the sort of thing you should have at your disposal when reading the blog of a homosexual Thai playwright:Nu?There won't be a quiz, by the way, but only because I expect to be ousted within a few minutes and won't have time to grade anything.
More About: Blogger , Video Clips , Vocabulary , Guest

Bitter? Sweet!
2008-02-20 19:42:00
Patrick A. has been telling me about Trivia Night at The Bitter End on Clement Street in San Francisco for months and months now. He often IMs me in a post-trivia drunken stupor to tell me how I must come when I'm in town. I think he just wants an Asian on his team. It scares opponents, and it's good for the math questions.Trivia Night is pretty casual. Your team can have as many members as you want, and your team name should reference Tim's Mom (Tim is the host) and a lewd sex act if you want to win Best Team Name and free shots. (Last night's winning team name was "When You Hear a Bell Ring, an Angel May Get Its Wings, But Tim's Mom Always Takes a Load in the Face.") You fill out your answer sheet as the questions are asked (questions that Tim, apparently, makes up himself from hours of Wikipedia surfing), and your neighbors score your sheet. There are two rounds of general trivia, one round of music trivia, and one round of picture trivia. The winning team takes $30 and brag...
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My Singles
2008-02-20 04:05:00
The Impact Theatre website lets you make your very own jukebox labels. Here's mine:What would be the title of your songs?
More About: Singles

A Day Without Brandon Patton; Or, Dancing Movies Please
2008-02-19 09:14:00
Read all about it here.
More About: Dancing , Movies , Video Clips , Brandon Patton , Patton

Busted!
2008-02-18 20:03:00
I was walking along Market Street in the Castro on Saturday night and saw a middle-aged man holding an unwrapped joint?a fat amount of marijuana neatly laid across a cigarette wrapper. He was about to hand it to a woman when a police car's spotlight suddenly shined on his hand and a voice boomed, "WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR HAND?"The man's deer-in-headlights look was the most intense I had ever seen in my life. He carefully thought about his answer for a long moment. Then, in an act of sheer resignation, he declared, "Marijuana!" and threw the joint onto the ground.So busted.
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It Takes a Lot More Than Gummi Bears to Make You a Rebel
2008-02-18 09:40:00
Tonight I wanted to tap into my rebel streak by sneaking in Coke and gummi bears into Marin Theatre Company, but, much to my disappointment, they allow food in the theater so I didn't end up doing anything bad. I should've lit up a joint during the performance?that probably would've done it, although Marin County does have its fair share of hippies. (A couple of my friends grew up there, and they have told me about their parents' hippy-ish ways.)Fellow playwright and blogger Marisela Orta had a workshop production of American Triage up at MTC this weekend, the play moves to San Rafael next week (February 22 and 23), and I cannot recommend it enough. The play is beautifully written, with soaring language and imagery, and was staged by a cast and director that seemed to have had the play seep into their very being.It's also rare in Bay Area theater?in fact, it's rare in American theater?to have a piece of work so relevant and immediate to a community. American Triage is inspired...
More About: Theater , Bears , Rebel , Make , Gummi bears

Spank You Very Much; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02.16.08
2008-02-18 00:56:00
I got a straight guy to give me a spank on the ass at last night's show?and I gotta tell ya, if you ever have the opportunity to get spanked on the ass by a straight guy, take it. You see, in order to temper the danger of bi-curiosity, straight guys will overcompensate by making sure the spank is STRONG and FORCEFUL?a sort of "I'm a man, bitch!" declaration on the palm of his hand. Anyway, the straight guy's hand imprint stayed on my ass for several sweet hours, and I must admit my job has many perks that people never even imagine.Much thanks to fangirl Michaela for bring a bunch of horny Meetup.com members, who helped make it another full rowdy house (including some [drunk perhaps?] guy who cheered and clapped anytime I said "rice cooker"), rounding out a truly fantastic opening weekend.Note to self: never make improvised, intended-to-be-funny references to No Country for Old Men on stage?unless you want to hear the deafening sounds of silence.
More About: Jukebox , Stories

Give Me Your Allowance; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02.15.08
2008-02-16 18:14:00
Despite my deeply cynical exterior, I must express gratitude (Oprah told me to keep a gratitude journal, and I always do what I'm told) to everybody who was at the opening night performance of Jukebox Stories : The Case of the Creamy Foam. The full house was boisterous, joyful, and fun to perform with. We talked about High School Musical quite a bit, which probably turned a lot of people in the audience gay in a matter of minutes. You'll thank me for that later, by the way, because you'll come to realize how FABULOUS it is.I was so pumped that after the show I had to have a late-night breakfast at The Original Mel's on Shattuck, which I soon discovered is no longer The Original Mel's because of some corporate something-or-rather. (I don't know the whole story, and I'm too lazy to go to Wikipedia right now to find out.) They actually (rather poorly) scraped off the "Mel's" letters, and the restaurant is now called "The Original." You can still see the faint outline of "Mel's"...
More About: Give , Brandon Patton , Allowance

My Friends Are Gonna Get Laid Over and Over Again
2008-02-15 18:55:00
Filmmaker Gabriel Fleming, who drags me to concerts by Icelandic weirdos, is going to get a lot of ass. That's because his new movie, The Lost Coast, was just accepted into the South by Southwest, the prestigious film festival in Austin, Texas, where there's lots of ass to be had. I've been wanting to tell you for weeks, but Gabriel forced a press blackout upon me until the official announcement?as if I'm not official. What a bastard! I held your boom mike on Halloween in the Castro, mofo!The movie stars former Bay Area residents Ian Scott McGregor (who some of you will remember from my punk rock musical, Emophiliacs) and Lucas Alifano (who's done a reading for me before). Both actors are terrific, and, as an added bonus, you can easily spank it while thinking about them.But wait! The talent of my friends floweth over! Nerdcore Rising, a documentary about MC Frontalot and the nerdcore hip-hop movement, is also in this year's SXSW festival. Jukebox Stories' own Brandon Patton ...
More About: Movies , Music , Friends , Video Clips

Celebrating the "Boo"; Or, Recapping Jukebox Stories 02.14.08
2008-02-15 10:30:00
You know that I'm dedicated to my art because I was willing to miss Celebrity Apprentice for tonight's preview performance of Jukebox Stories : The Case of the Creamy Foam, which was UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE. The audience was jovial and enthusiastic (could it be the special free tickets, cheap bastards?!), and there were many memorable moments: the guy who perfectly delivered my Adam Ant reference punchline at the right moment; the prizes I threw at people's heads; the groans of disgust while I made myself a sandwich; Brandon and my improvised recollection of our, ahem, psychedelic experiences; and one brilliantly juvenile joke that caused the audience to mock boo in retaliation, which in turn caused me to laugh uncontrollably for an uncomfortably long amount of time.Speaking of Adam Ant, how is it that Brandon has never heard "Goody Two-Shoes"? Never forget, okay? NEVER FORGET:
More About: Music , Video Clips , Brandon Patton

Quit Drinking!
2008-02-14 20:03:00
[Thanks to Peter V. at Plastic Bubble World for sending me this.]
More About: Video Clips , Drinking , Quit

Dutch Watch: The Best Use of Flash Animation I've Ever Seen
2008-02-14 19:50:00
I haven't done an installment of "Dutch Watch " in a while, but luckily I have readers who occasionally remind me why the Dutch are still the chosen people:Thought you'd appreciate this [website].... You can't order anything and it's in Dutch, but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. Turn on the audio?there is a tune.The items are self-explanatory, and the identifying names below them are informative, such as "loep" for "magnifying glass" and "neitmachine" for "stapler." It was particularly helpful for me to learn that the Dutch word for a "ghettoblaster" is?natch?"ghettoblaster."Go to this website now, wait patiently for it to load, and prepare to be amazed:http://producten.hema.nl[Thanks to Lucy for sending me this.]
More About: Animation , Flash , Flash Animation

On the Fence Is Okay With Me
2008-02-14 01:19:00
We haven't open Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam yet, but we've already been selected as Critic's Choice in the East Bay Express, the East Bay's weekly, which gives us some cool momentum ramping up to our Friday opening night. Moderately bi-curious guys are invited to sit in the front row so that I can test your boundaries.
More About: Brandon Patton , Fence

No Comment
2008-02-14 01:17:00
[Thanks to Peter V. at Plastic Bubble World for sending me this Internet ad he found.]
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"Creamy Foam" Trailer and Other Items of Business
2008-02-12 09:21:00
After being cooped up in my apartment for two weeks creating and rehearsing new material for Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam (and watching Deal or No Deal in between), Brandon and I spent our first day in the Impact Theatre space tonight, beneath La Val's Pizza on the north side of the UC Berkeley campus. In a fast and furious four hours, we (along with Melissa, Jon, Diana, Read, and three high school interns) dressed the set to look like the crappiest motel room this side of a crack whore's basement, tried out new songs and accompanying tech elements (a drum track, a mike, a mini-fan?don't ask), slammed through the opening story, and basically acclimated ourselves to the venue again (we performed here last about a year and a half ago).Afterward, Brandon and I had French onion soup at Au Coquelet Cafe on University Avenue, where we discussed which songs needed trimming and which needed to be reimagined, how to rewrite certain stories, and the shitload of things we ha...
More About: Business , Video Clips , Trailer , Items , Brandon Patton

Places I Be
2008-02-12 00:42:00
People, I would much rather you stalk me than make official plans with me to meet for lunch or coffee or something. I mean, if we schedule, say, an afternoon tea time together, I will actually be expected to engage in conversation with you and to pay a sufficient amount of attention to you. But if you stalk me, you can satisfy your primal urges and neither of us have to talk. I can go about my day, doing whatever it is I do without interruption.I'm subletting a room from playwright Brian Thorstenson in San Francisco, despite the fact that he tried to murder me in my sleep when I actually lived in his apartment a couple years ago. So you can attempt to hop the fence in the Castro so you can watch me changing my underwear through my bedroom window (an activity that takes place about nine times per day, so your chances are good).On the days I'm in Berkeley working on Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam (opening night is this Friday, bitches!), I'm likely to be found either ...
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Wake Up!
2008-02-10 17:41:00
If I can get Brandon to WAKE UP, we can go to the Jamba Juice and then hit the road to San Francisco. But noooooooooo, he was up until 7AM, doing what it is that musicians do. Brood, I suppose.If you haven't already gathered, I'll be in the Bay Area for the better part of three months working on Jukebox Stories: The Case of the Creamy Foam and other sundry artistic things. The best way to kick off my trip is with an Orange Dream Machine with two extra scoops of protein. And you know how much I love protein.WAKE UP, MOFO!
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My High Maintenance Pays Off
2008-02-09 19:37:00
Remember that short film I'm in? Well, David Maurice Gil and Edward Gunawan's Laundromat just got accepted into this April's FilmOut San Diego film festival. The official announcement will come out soon, but, in the meantime, you can watch the trailer for the movie right here:Laundromat
More About: Movies , Video Clips , Maintenance , High , Pays

Contest Winners! Prince's Hair Care Products Revealed!
2008-02-09 09:19:00
Boy, oh, boy, figuring out the three hair styling products in my bathroom in Bamboo Nation's latest contest was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It was perhaps even more challenging than Deal or No Deal, which is why many people went down in flames during game play. I currently possess American Crew Tea Tree Defining Paste, got2b Playful Texturizing Creme Pomade, and Short Sexy Hair Control Maniac Wax.Fortunately, "Jeff W." and "Ange like Or-ange" made a valiant effort and got two out of three. However, both of them got the tie-breaking question wrong, so they remain tied. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm taking the top two Amazon gift certificate prizes, adding them up, and dividing by two?which means both of them will receive a $37.50 gift card. (Send me your e-mail address!)A bunch of people got one out of three right, but only one person, "Carrie P.," guessed the tie-breaker?my current favorite brand is got2b. So she wins the $15 gift certificate. (Send me your e-...
More About: Contest , Products , Contests , Care