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An Alphabetical Journey of the Places I Went in (and Around) the Twin Citie
2008-06-09 05:32:00
1. Axel's. "You know," I said to the Bryant Lake Bowl audience on Thursday, "Minnesota is nothing like the movie, Fargo," because I hadn't run into anyone as eccentric or at least accented like the characters in the Coen Brothers film. The BLB audience assured me that Fargo was closer to the truth than I had witnessed in my short time in the state, an assertion that was confirmed when I had dinner with Brandon, his mom, and Kellie at Axel's, a fancy steak and seafood restaurant in Mendota, a town with a population of 197, just south of St. Paul. The waitress spoke with the accent and carried Minnesota Nice in every pore on her face. In the car after dinner tonight, Brandon told me to run back in so I could interview her for this blog, but I have to be up at 4:30 tomorrow morning to catch a plane to New York. This bitch is tired.2. Dixie's. Sunday Champagne Brunch here is a real culinary treat, made even more complete with a glorious chocolate fountain that you could dip strawber...
More About: Theater , Journey , Places , Twin , Asian America

Down to Two
2008-06-07 09:07:00
I've been immersed in the Asian American Theater Conference (woo-hoo...details to come) at the Guthrie Theater (OH. MY. GOD...details to come) in Minneapolis, so I haven't had much time to cavort about the Twin Cities. I will have an opportunity to wreak some havoc on Sunday, so I have whittled down my list of things I want to do to two necessary activities: (1) I want to touch the Mississippi River ("No, you don't," said Brandon's friend), and (2) I want to ride the indoor roller coaster at the Mall of America ("No, you don't," said the Minneapolis audience).Have you all not already figured out that I have bizarre priorities that must be attended to?! I'm within walking distance to the Mississippi Fucking River! What the fuck?! I have to touch that shit! I have to! And that roller coaster is inside a mall! What the fuck?! I have to ride that shit! I have to!

Storm's A-Brewin'!; or Recapping Jukebox Stories 06.05.08 (Minneapolis)
2008-06-06 09:30:00
On our drive to our Bryant Lake Bowl performance of Jukebox Stories in Minneapolis , the NPR station kept announcing every three minutes or so that there was a major storm warning?complete with threats of treacherous, quarter inch-sized hailstones that were bound to damage cars and shatter nerves. Having acclimated myself to Los Angeles life, I screamed in panic any time I saw lightening or heard thunder, as Brandon laughed in sadistic glee. His delight didn't last long because he realized the thunderstorm was going to hit big an hour or so before our show, potentially deterring people from coming to see us and leaving us to perform for the wait staff. That made me panic even more.The storm didn't seem to be as bad as NPR anticipated (faux intellectual nutjobs!), so when we pulled back the red curtain at about 7:00PM there was a good-sized crowd of people in the cabaret-ish tables-and-chairs section in front and in the traditional theater seats in the back. It was a cool venue to p...
More About: Theater , Brandon Patton

First Impressions of the Twin Cities
2008-06-05 21:16:00
I touched down at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport at the crack of dawn this morning, and Brandon picked me up.BRANDON: So what do you want to do?PRINCE: Is there a Chinatown?BRANDON: No.PRINCE: [Grumble, grumble.]BRANDON: There's a large Vietnamese population.PRINCE: [Grumble, grumble.]BRANDON: And there are a lot of Hmongs.PRINCE: [Grumble, grumble.]Minutes later:PRINCE: What's that body of water?BRANDON: That's the Mississippi River.PRINCE: WHAT?! THAT'S AMAZING! THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKING MISSISSIPPI RIVER?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and the Mississippi River beats the Chinese.
More About: First Impressions , Cities , Twin , Brandon Patton , Twin Cities

Twin Cities, Prove Your Love to Me
2008-06-04 20:02:00
Tonight I'm getting on a red-eye flight to Minnesota (because of this and this), and I am fully prepared for everything Minneapolis and its surrounding areas have to offer. You see, I've been doing lots of research on the state, I've been re-watching Fargo, and I've been spinning Prince (the musician Prince, not myself) nonstop. I now practically have Minnesota blood pumping through my veins! I could have even more if I ever find out where all the hookers hang out?a cursory Google search on "Minneapolis hookers" turns up slim pickings. Hey, Minneapolis, where your hos at?!You ask, "Hey, Prince [me], what's your favorite Prince [musician] song from his last album that nobody heard, Planet Earth?" I'm glad you asked. The lovely "Resolution" brings the funktastic album to a smooth end. Listen (it's mis-titled in the imeem player, by the way):
More About: Music , Love , Cities , Twin , Twin Cities

Seattle Wants to Make Out With Me (Again)
2008-06-04 19:35:00
If I ever make it up to Washington state, I'm going to visit all the Twin Peaks shooting locations with a divining rod to see if I can find gemstones that Kyle McLaughlin may have left behind. I now have good reason to go?my handy dandy Google Alert just informed me that my epic exploration of Asian America (and space aliens!), The Theory of Everything, will open SIS Productions' 2009 season in Seattle . (You know, if it weren't for Google, I would have no idea what was happening with my career.)For no reason other than ancient Chinese intuition (yeah, there's some Chinese blood pumping through my Thai veins), I've always felt a strange affinity with Seattle, even though I've never been there or know much about the city. Seattle creamed its jeans when my Big Hunk o' Burnin' Love played there last year, so I get the feeling that the city will love me and I will love the city back and we'll make out in the backseat of a taxi.
More About: Theater , Make

!!!!!
2008-06-03 20:44:00
I'm only a third into the new Weezer album, but I had to stop to blog about track #2, "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)." Holy fuck! It's epic, anthemic, multi-layered, familiar yet constantly surprising, fun, funny, beautiful. Beautiful:I actually have to stop and not listen to the rest of the album today. I just can't go on. Do you ever get like this with anything? Or is it just me and my drama?
More About: Music

"He Ordered a Cone AND a Sundae!"
2008-06-03 02:46:00
Speaking of juicy Roger Ebert outbursts, how about this classic 80s outtake from Siskel & Ebert & the Movies? The dueling critics rip into each other with no signs of stopping:
More About: Video Clips , Sundae

Gender Confusion
2008-06-02 06:33:00
I will never ever in a million years see the film version of Sex and the City. (I've never seen the TV series either.) You already know my aversion to vagina movies, and, if anything can be labeled a vagina movie, this is it. Apparently, this weekend's audiences for Sex were 75% women. You know how much stray estrogen must've been pumping through air ducts at cinemas across the nation? You know how many women in heat must've been secreting vaginal juices onto movie seats? If I had been at a screening and so much as accidentally brushed against a few audience members, I may very well have impregnated them all. And then where would I be?While my avoidance of Sex and the City is somewhat understandable, you may not quite grasp my equal disdain for the BBC sci-fi series, Torchwood. Loren has been watching that show as much as possible, and it's pretty much the only thing in our Netflix queue. I was kind of looking forward to the series because of all the Captain-Jack's-a-homo hype...
More About: Movies , Television , Gender , Confusion

Revisiting "Gaysian Heroes"
2008-06-02 06:01:00
Speaking of Arthur Dong, remember the Gallery of Gaysian Heroes that I complied for AOL's now-defunct QueerSighted last year? Of course you don't remember. Your constant cocaine use has seriously damaged your long-term memory. So, once again, let's celebrate the community to which I so proudly belong (and should rule over with an iron fist). Go here.
More About: Asian America

Me Put Pee-Pee in Your Coke
2008-06-02 05:05:00
From now on, whenever I see Roger Ebert, I'm going to point a finger in the air, roll my neck, and yell, "You go, girl!" Some years ago at the Sundance Film Festival, Ebert famously defended the film, Better Luck Tomorrow, against an outraged Caucasian audience member who felt that the Asian America n-made BLT was an amoral affront to the Asian-American community. What I didn't know?until I saw Arthur Dong's juicy new documentary, Hollywood Chinese, this afternoon?was that Ebert's impassioned, vociferous outburst was recorded. Skip to the 2:35 mark in this video clip (from a BLT DVD extra, I believe) to see that electrifying moment:That moment is among many enlightening pleasures in the endlessly fascinating Hollywood Chinese, which digs into 100 years of film history to trace the trajectory of the Chinese in American film.In another eye-opening segment, Dong discovers two reels of the movie, The Curse of Quon Gwon, now considered to be the first-ever piece of Asian-American cine...
More About: Movies , Video Clips , Coke

Why I Never Go to the Country
2008-05-31 06:59:00
You know where all the psychopathic killers of the world are? They hang out around cabins in the woods and, like in The Strangers, around summer homes in the country. This is why I only vacation in big cities, where the only thing I have to worry about are your everyday garden-variety muggers and not people with burlap sack masks over their heads and axes in their hands.The Strangers has its share of good scares (I don't think I've ever heard so many terrified girls screaming repeatedly in a theater), but it's the movie's expertly taut atmosphere and its unrelenting commitment to dread that makes it deeply, deeply unsettling. You see, first-time filmmaker Bryan Bertino (someone give that man a cigar or a blow job or some kind of reward) eschews such pesky cinematic notions as plot and character, opting instead for a simple structure (our two lone heroes fend against three bloodthirsty motherfuckers in the middle of nowhere) and sticking to that with an obsessive glee. Sick bast...
More About: Movies , Country , Video Clips

Same Old, Same Old
2008-05-29 19:15:00
Some of my friends bristle at John Hiatt's gravely voice, but, whenever I hear a singer that raw and distinct, I think to myself, "That man must know something." No, you don't necessarily gain anything intellectually by listening to John Hiatt albums, but the complexity of human emotions?love, vulnerability, heartache?are revealed to you in the light of his music and showmanship. Occasionally, you want to set aside the fresh-faced boy bands and listen to someone who's lived a little, who's been through shit. John Hiatt has (premature family deaths, alcoholism, his first wife's suicide).Before I tell you about his new album, which was just released Tuesday, I will relate two John Hiatt anecdotes. (Briefly, for the uninitiated: though John Hiatt is a Grammy-winning singer/songwriter [for the superb Crossing Muddy Waters], he is perhaps best known for penning Bonnie Raitt's smash hit, "Thing Called Love.")I first saw John Hiatt in concert in 1993 at the Warfield in San Francisc...
More About: Music

Remember Jackie?
2008-05-28 20:17:00
[Speaking of Rachel, she's always taking me to interesting theatrical experiences, right here in Los Angeles for some reason. So it's time to revisit a past post that details our journey to Jackie Mason.]All About Stalking CelebritiesJune 12, 2003Rachel is in town from New York, helping to develop Lauren Weedman's new one-woman show. When Rachel and I are together, we're all about stalking celebrities, or at the very least, spotting them. And what better place to do that than Hollywood!Tickets to the new Jackie Mason stand-up extravaganza at the beautiful Wilshire Theatre landed in Rachel's lap, so she decided to drag me along. We entered very skeptical because, after all, Jackie Mason is 76 and loud and always shouting "Jew, Jew, Jew!" or something to that effect. Because the idea of Jackie Mason spitting at us was unappealing, we handed the "A"-row tickets to Lauren, and Rachel and I took "D."Because the bio in the program for Jackie Mason was two pages long (four columns, si...
More About: Theater

From the Street to the Stage
2008-05-28 20:04:00
Rachel is in town, and she enticed me to accompany her to a play last night by dangling the fact that it starred a significant Tony Award-winning Broadway actress. What she didn't tell me?and what would have been the ultimate deal-breaker?was that it was a wrenching Armenian melodrama. Afterward, I yelled, "I live in Glendale!"?which boasts the largest Armenian population in the United States?"I see wrenching Armenian melodrama every time I look out my window!"Rachel produced one of my first plays ever in New York (Seat Belts and Big Fat Buddhas in 1999), and, as Jukebox Stories attendees know, was my sidekick in my adventures at the Maury Povich show. So all has been forgiven.
More About: Theater , Street , Stage

Another Blatant, Throw-down Provocation
2008-05-27 20:02:00
A statement with which you will all agree: "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is to the Indiana Jones movies as Return of the Jedi is to the Star Wars movies." A statement with which you will not only disagree but will use as a reason to burn me in effigy: "Since Return of the Jedi is hands down the BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER, then Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is the BEST INDIANA JONES MOVIE EVER." Let the flame wars begin! (You started it, dear readers, with your h8 comments! Don't h8! Don't h8!)I drew the ire of a nation by defending those goddamn adorable Ewoks and took my lumps like a man, so I'm not afraid to stand up for Short Round (Temple of Doom's one-boy version of the Ewoks!) and the entire sequel. I was 11 when I first saw Temple of Doom, and I hadn't had an experience that great since...well...Return of the Jedi, which was released one year earlier. At 11, there was much to love. The thrilling action sequences (the Shanghai club fight! the mine cart chase...
More About: Movies , Throw

"24" Is Crack--So I Want My Crack Back!
2008-05-27 19:26:00
I know that a handful of you, for some reason, rely on me exclusively for your 24 information (what??you don't visit the 24 fan boards every day under the nickname AsianJackBauer to defend your wild theories about past seasons?), so I apologize for not reporting this earlier:You probably already heard that because of the recent writers' strike Season Seven will be delayed for an entire year, not hitting small screens until January 2009. That's a 20-month hiatus, and the cruelest punishment ever bestowed upon an innocent man. However (Did you hear?! Did you hear?!), the new season will be preceded by a two-hour, stand-alone movie that will air November 23! Glory, glory, hallelujah!
More About: Television , Back , Crack

Boldly Audacious...or Absolutely Preposterous?
2008-05-25 09:21:00
How about both?The first three Indiana Jones movies had their fair share of supernatural craziness?ghosts in an ark, melting faces, magical glowing stones, hearts beating after being ripped out of chest cavities, a healing holy grail, and a 700-year-old knight. Nineteen years later, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull could've peddled your average, expected number of unearthly delights and dangers, but Spielberg, Lucas, and crew decided to push everything to mind-blowing (and head-scratching?) extremes. Yes, much of the new movie is absolutely preposterous?from the preposterous secrets behind the crystal skull to the preposterous action sequences to Cate Blanchett's preposterous accent?but after all this time would it really be prudent to deliver just another Indiana Jones movie? The moviemaking team have merged genres here, namely action/adventure with...[BEGIN POSSIBLE SPOILER]...science-fiction...[END POSSIBLE SPOILER]...launching the franchise into the stratosph...
More About: Movies

Hot Underwear; or Prince's Final Thoughts on "American Idol"
2008-05-23 19:48:00
I haven't really watched American Idol since the Fantasia-Jennifer Hudson season four years ago, but I did tune in to the Dolly Parton episodes this season, only to be devastated when that cute little Filipino girl got booted, prompting me to stand up, point to the TV, and scream at America, "Racist! Racist! Racist!" She did a terrific version of Parton's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind," while other contestants absolutely butchered?and I mean butchered?some of Parton's better-known songs. Goodbye, Ramiele Malubay. Maybe you can become the new Jollibee spokesperson? Your own people would never sell you down the river!:As for David Archuleta and David Cook, I didn't really care who won. It's not like I was going to buy either of their albums, and, for once, I was not lecherously obsessed with either of them.... Until?OH MY GOD?they ran a Guitar Hero commercial featuring David Cook dancing in his underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Seriously hot. So seriously hot that I have ...
More About: Television , Music , Video Clips , Thoughts

Pork? Beans? Hell yeah!
2008-05-23 19:28:00
So many songs from Weezer's new "red" album have already been leaked (the official release date is June 3, 2008), but Rivers and crew have finally taken it upon themselves to post the "Pork and Beans " music video, a YouTube-themed extravaganza of visual and aural delights:For those haters (I know who you are) who have been crying for years, "Weezer hasn't made a good record since the blue album," and who practically shit themselves in disgust when they first heard "Beverly Hills," GET OVER IT! It takes real genius to create something as unabashedly infectious as "Beverly Hills," and Weezer's best album is actually 1996's flawless Pinkerton?derided by "fans" upon its release and only enjoying a sort of renaissance in recent years. "Across the Sea," anyone? It's one of my favorite songs of all time, so much so that I've even found a way to "teach" it in my playwriting workshops. I'm a tricky one:
More About: Music , Video Clips , Hell

"Mountain, Get Out of My Way!"
2008-05-22 19:58:00
The farewell episode of The Montel Williams Show aired last Friday, a bittersweet goodbye for an Emmy Award-winning program that's been on the air for 17 years. "Wait!" I hear you cry. "Prince, why would you of all people even care about Montel Williams? You watch The People's Court every day at 1:00PM?the same time Montel is on. So why is the cancellation of his show such a big deal to you?"Let me explain. I don't watch the commercial breaks during The People's Court, so during that time I either make lunch, read magazines, or flip through channels. And I'll frequently land on Montel Williams, a talk show that tackled heavy topics such as drugs, domestic abuse, rape, and murder?but also gave the audience some relief by presenting "renowned" psychic Sylvia Browne almost every Wednesday. I couldn't help but be mesmerized by Montel's honest concern for each issue he covered, by his shiny bald head, and by the fact the he cried more than anybody I had ever seen on television. Se...
More About: Television , Books , Mountain

Boston, DC, Minneapolis, New York--Point Me to Your Red Light Districts!
2008-05-21 20:36:00
The dates and venues for Jukebox Stories' June "tour" have been confirmed, and it looks like Brandon and I will be in some crazy-ass places. I put "tour" in quotes because we're doing a mere five performances. The rest of the country scares me. Prove me wrong, people!On June 5, we're in Minneapolis at the Bryant Lake Bowl in their basement cabaret space. According to some Minneapolisians (what the hell do you call yourselves?), it's supposed to be an awesome venue. If you're lucky, I'll let you bowl me down a lane!On June 6, those of you who will be attending the Asian American Theater Conference in Minneapolis will be able to see a private performance of our show at the Guthrie Theatre. We can all gang up on Brandon and yell, "Get whitey!"On June 12, we're in Washington, DC, at The Wonderland Ballroom, a multilevel bar that's proud of its beer selection. I will be sad in DC because the first male strip club that I ever went to and that remains in my memory and heart ("Wet")...
More About: New York , Boston , York , Light

Holy Wiener
2008-05-20 18:50:00
My friend Rica had a Filipino-Catholic upbringing, which means she now walks around feeling guilty all the time. I found great pleasure in sneaking up behind her and whispering in her ear, "Do you think Jesus had a big cock? 'Cuz if anyone were to have a big cock, it would have to be Jesus since he's the son of God and everything."She would scream, "OH MY GOD!," and cover her ears?those years of fire-and-brimstone warnings coming back to haunt her.In 2002, in an early draft of Boyz of All Nationz: The Rise and Fall of a Multi-Ethnic Boy Band, there were several lines of dialogue that were considered so offensive that the artistic director of a company that produced the play begged me to cut them:LUZ: Do you think Jesus had a big cock? 'Cuz if anyone were to have a big cock, it would have to be Jesus since he's the son of God and everythingThe AD, also from a Filipino-Catholic background, was sure that the county would be so horrified that they would cut the theater's funding ne...
More About: Writing , Holy

The Worst Album Covers Ever?
2008-05-20 18:33:00
There are several websites and books that compile some of the "worst" album covers ever (just do a Google search), but I think some of those covers are actually brilliant?borderline genius?in how (unintentionally) hilarious they are. This site has a gallery of 50 covers, and they all are fascinating in their own funny or bizarre or, yes, completely disturbing way. My favorites:[Thanks to Scott Heim for sending me the link.]
More About: Music , Covers , Album

Pickachu Says, "Come Inside! Free Juice for Everyone!"
2008-05-19 19:44:00
This item is a tad old, but the sheer head-shaking delight of watching Japanese kids climb into Pikachu's happy vagina just never dies (click to enlarge):[Thanks to Peter at Plastic Bubble World for sending me this. Sick half-Japanese bastard.]
More About: Free , Inside , Juice

$15 Million for an Ejaculating Cowboy
2008-05-16 18:44:00
The New York Times was all abuzz over the $86.3 million sale of a triptych by Francis Bacon at a Sotheby's auction on Wednesday. I really don't give a crap because I don't even know what the hell a triptych is, and I'm too disinterested to type W-I-K-I-P-E-D-I-A into my address bar.What's wrong with you New York Times? Buried eight paragraphs down in the article is the announcement that Takashi Murakami's "My Lonesome Cowboy " sculpture sold for $15.1 million. The piece is an anime-style cowboy, fully naked, fully erect, and ejaculating a geyser of sperm into the air and over his head?a cloud of love juice in the sky. Now that's art.View the sculpture here, pervs.
More About: Million

Help These Kids Because I Won't, Part 2
2008-05-16 18:12:00
Last year, dear readers, I asked you to help a middle school buy theater books. And in a matter of hours you, as well as others in the blogosphere, fully funded the project because you had some extra money lying around from that crack deal you pulled off. Crime pays!When those in charity circles say that no amount is too small to make a difference, people for some reason don't believe it and that measly dollar they would've given remains in their pocket so they can buy a Frosty later. Well, please hear me now when I say to you that NO AMOUNT IS TOO SMALL in my latest effort to help the children of America by getting you to help them first.A low-low-low-low-low-income middle school in California needs money to buy some nonfiction books. All they're asking for is $979, which will make a significant impact on kids who should learn more about Martin Luther King Jr. and Stonewall and Stephen Hawking. (I'm amazing?I played the race card, the gay card, and the disability card all in on...
More About: Kids , Books , Part

I Am Not Ashamed
2008-05-15 09:27:00
"Mmm Bop" by Hanson is one of the most played tracks on my computer, according to my Rhapsody music player, which chooses songs from my online library at random for me throughout the day. I am not ashamed. You bitches couldn't stop singing that song when it first debuted in 1997 either, so shut the fuck up!:That's right. You, like me, could only decipher about six words in that entire song, but you loved it anyway. You can't get it out of your head now, can you?And remember when you finally did look up the lyrics online? You realized how fucking profound that song is! For reals! It's an ode to deep friendships and a lament for relationships that have faded. All those "mmm bops" and "ba duba dops"? Those are supposed to be the heartbreaking sounds of people you have loved disappearing from your life.You need more reasons not to be ashamed of your love of "Mmm Bop"? Here's three more:First, was it not hyper-intelligent playwright Rickerby Hinds who pointed out the deep cultural ...
More About: Music , Video Clips

Their Poor Nuts
2008-05-15 09:20:00
I love the Dutch for creating Deal or No Deal (I mean, you know how much I love the Dutch), but nobody has game shows quite like the Japanese. Case in point? This video clip. Six contestants, six tongue twisters. Guess what happens if they mess up? Guys, this might be painful to watch?but hilarious nonetheless:It's amazing how nut pain transcends language barriers.
More About: Television , Video Clips , Poor , Nuts

Things Younger Than John McCain
2008-05-15 09:02:00
This amusing blog is not only a compendium of things that are younger than John McCain, but it's also a fascinating exploration of the history of American culture.[Thanks to Isaac B. at Parabasis for posting this.]Ready to be further disturbed, but for different reasons? Take a gander at this unbelievably hunky picture of a young John McCain in military garb. I'm horrified that he's kind of sexy. Absolutely horrified.[Thanks to Jesse W. at Allegories of a Bundle of Sticks for posting this.]
More About: Things