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JAILBAIT - HALLOWEEN'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
2007-10-29 01:27:00
This Halloween corporate America cashed in big on Paris Hilton's short stint in jail with her very own costume. And I'll give them this, the costume is as authentic as it is trashy, it even comes with a false sense of entitlement. But it got me thinking just who's this costume for?Paris Hilton's fans are mostly... well they're mostly older men but except for the random oddball (pictured right), this is definitely geared toward teenage girls. Then I realized--so what else is new? A quick search of any online store reveals an excess of woefully inappropriate costumes for not just teens but preteens as well. Even the names of these costumes are troublesome: Major Flirt (skirt/military outfit), Dragon Geisha (a Geisha is basically a Japanese escort/entertainer), French Maid (just what it sounds like), and let's not forget Frisky Witch. Here's an excerpt of the Frisky Witch description from spirithalloween.com:This ain’t your mother’s witch, with a freaky dress over a white sk...
More About: Dirty , Secret , Jailbait , Allo

LAME NEWS TRIVIAL CONTEST - WIN FABULOUS PRIZES!
2007-10-27 09:07:00
Starting today Lame News will be giving money away. You heard right--FREE MONEY! This contest is partly to reward regular readers and partly to increase readership. And it's very simple. On the sidebar of this blog you will see a clue word--WRITE IT DOWN! Eventually a new clue word will replace the old one and etcetera. These words spell out a movie quote (so you'll need to visit regularly to get it, get it?); on the the final word an email address will be provided (don't use the contact form) the first person to respond with the correct origin of the quote will receive a snail-mailed card signed by me with some CASH MONEY in it. How much money? Not much. I'm not Daddy War Bucks. But as the site grows so will the prize.Good luck.Legal:Odds of winning dependent on participantsFamily members and (real world) friends of Lame News are ineligible.Rules subject to change.CONTEST UPDATE: I'VE DECIDED TO INCREASE THE GRAND PRIZE WITH AN INVITATION TO THE EXCLUSIVE TORRENT TRACKER - DEM...
More About: Contest , Prizes , Trivial

RATED G - FOR GARBAGE
2007-10-27 02:34:00
How could you Hollywood? How could take a classic cartoon like Alvin and the Chipmunks and turn into crap-- literally. The trailer (video below) actually shows Alvin eating Theodore's crap. First of all, there's nothing funny about eating crap. Secondly, the whole point of trailer is entice people to go see it by showing its best parts. I'd shudder to think what the runner up for the trailer was. And finally, it's just completely out of character. Family Guy's cartoon dog Brian may be able to pull off speaking one second and then licking himself the next but the Chipmunks are established characters. Could you imagine Scooby Doo licking himself or better yet humping Shaggy's leg. Of course not these beloved characters have always human first, animal second. Hell the original Chipmunks didn't even looked chipmunks. The only reason for their animal form was sheer cuteness but now look at them they're freaking chipmunks! Worse, judging from the poster they're going gangsta now....
More About: Garbage

IS THAT A WAND IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY FOR HARRY
2007-10-25 04:04:00
All it took was one innocent question from a little girl, "will Dumbledore ever find true love?" And presto chango Dumbledore was transmogrified into a gay. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling vehemently defended the revelation, saying it's her book and her right to say what it is. And she's absolutely right but she's also absolutely wrong. Imagine Sylvester Stallone came out tomorrow and announced Rocky was a white supremacist. Kinda taints those victories over Appollo and Mr. T. You just don't pull the rug out from under the audience like this.A spokesman for the gay rights group Stonewall praised the news, "It's great that JK has said this. It shows that there's no limit to what gay and lesbian people can do, even being a wizard headmaster." Yes truly there are no limits for gays. You can be a wizard, a fairy, even a unicorn. In a related story, Sesame Street announced Bert and Ernie are wizards.
More About: Happy , Wand , Pocket

EXCUSE MY FRENCH
2007-10-24 02:47:00
Recently France got CNN host Glenn Beck to do the impossible admit he was wrong:'I mean, it`s amazing to me. I mean, everybody in Hollywood keeps saying, "We should listen to France. They`re so enlightened." They`re dumping socialism. They`re getting off of the health care. They`re lowering their taxes. And they`re starting to talk tough about follow-through. I mean, OK, Hollywood, I admit it, I was wrong. We should listen to France.'So congratulations France you're off the vacation destination boycott. France too rich for for your blood, you say. Hotels in France aren't as expensive as you might think and can be as cheap as $35. Besides if it's good enough for Glenn Beck it's good enough for you!Now as we all know France is home of the freedom fry but did you know that from September to November France is also the fashion capital of the world. Paris fashion week features next year's most chic designs and naturally after seeing them you're going to want to buy them. Paris' ...
More About: French , Excuse

THE JAPANESE: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
2007-10-23 02:57:00
pay no attention to the woman behind the curtainNo it's not the latest in Halloween costumes. It's called urban camouflage and it's quite possibly the funniest thing ever. The mentally challenged brainchild of designer Aya Tsukioka, urban camouflage gracefully conceals the wearer from would be assailants, assuming that would be assailant is Elmer Fud. Simply duck down a corner, flip your clothes inside out, and pray they ain't thirsty. Unfortunately, due to their size child are resigned to wearing the please don't beat the crap outta me 'cause I'm retard costume (pictured right). There's even a manhole purse... you heard me A M-A-N-H-O-L-E PURSE! Just throw it on the ground and voila instant handbag roadkill but at least those hooligans won't get it. Like all things Asian, expect an American remake in 2008: workplace camouflage, it's like you're not even there.
More About: Japanese

HOLY SMOKES OR HOT DAMN(ATION)
2007-10-21 01:40:00
This week the Poles saw the silhouette of Pope John Paul II in a bonfire while celebrating their hometown hero but was this really a miracle or a foreboding display of fire and brimstone. Besides being much more devilish than the famous Mother Teresa appearance on cinnamon bun (pictured right), the silhouette while accurate is also very dubious. Are we supposed to believe John Paul is still hunching over in heaven! The Polish claim the photo resembles scenes of the late pontiff waving to crowds of the faithful, but take a closer look. The supposed waving hand clearly ends in a point. The Pope's not waving folks, he's flipping us off from beyond the grave, and who can blame him--HELL SUCKS!
More About: Holy , Smokes , Damn , Holy Smoke

R.I.P. YOUTUBE
2007-10-20 01:01:00
This week Youtube launched its automated video ID system in an effort to filter copyrighted content. And it's a dud. The system relies on content owners submitting full copies of their content as a reference, which opponents argue is unnecessary and unfairly places the burden on them. Moreover, the system is hit and miss. It depends on an accurate duplication and cannot take into account things such as re-encoding. This automated system can also impede legitimate fair use, which Lame News witnessed first hand with the deletion of several parody clips.Viacom, which is suing Youtube for $1 billion over copyright infringement, praises Youtube for "stepping up to its responsibilty," but says that it will have no effect on its lawsuit. And in response, Google has passed on a media alliance, which includes Viacom and is designed to set industry standards in content distribution.These are uncertain times for Youtube. And while the loss of some its highest traffic content and an almost ass...

PRIVATE MACGYVER
2007-10-18 04:11:00
Remember those old spy movies where the sexy agent whips out her makeup compact and blows on it to reveal the deadly laser beams? American soldiers do it one better. They've come up with a new use for silly string--IED detection. Soldiers are spraying the Iraqs silly to spot the trip wires of IEDs. And God bless their innovation but just who was the Private MacGyver that pioneered (read: stumbled upon) this technique? Instantly images of every class clown you've ever known spring to mind. While other soldiers were packing razors, tooth brushes, and toilet paper, this super soldier had the foresight (read: dumb luck) to stock up on party favors cause you never know when the mood will strike you to spray your buddy in the face. I, nay humorists everywhere salute you sir!
More About: Macgyver

ARMY RECRUITING: LIFE IMITATES ART
2007-10-17 09:45:00
In the seemingly prophetic Simpsons episode G.I. D'oh (video right) recruiters shamelessly push Army propaganda on school kids offering them the chance to pre-enlist. Sure we all laughed, but who's laughing now?On October 15th, Chicago commissioned the nation's 1st public high school run by the U.S. Marine Corps. And while students are under no obligation to go to the Iraqs and such, they are required to wear a military uniform and are referred to as cadets by their similarly dressed instructors. Chicago schools, which already have an Army and Navy presence, will complete their militarization (barring any ahem: major malfunctions) in 2009 with the addition of an Air Force academy high school. Although these military school are voluntary, in fact over 3,000 applicants were turned away, they are publicly funded inciting some Chicagoans to hit the streets in protest sporting their oh-so-fashionable 'recruit peace' t-shirts.Even comics are not safe from the recruitment onslaught. I...
More About: Life , Recruiting

THE NUCLEAR (POWERED) FAMILY
2007-10-15 21:57:00
Dr. David Levy forecasts that within just 50 years man and machine will be walking hand in grappler down the aisle. Dr. Levy cites: the Roomba, Sony's robot dog Aibo, and Tickle Me Elmo as examples of technology's move toward anthropomorphization. So does that mean we can expect a Tickle Me Bimbo?Probably. Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, predicts that by 2011 robot fetishism (wiki) for will go from fantasy to reality as existing sex dolls are upgraded with vibration and simple voice responses.However, Levy worries about the shadier aspects of bionic love such underage robot sex (check those manufacturing dates people!). And while gay robot sex will still be illegal, female robot sex will be ok... cause that's HAWT!P.S.For all the fembots out there:001000010111010001
More About: Family , Nuclear

HOLY RETCON BATMAN!
2007-10-13 00:56:00
This December in the pages of THE ALL-NEW BOOSTER GOLD #5 Booster Gold discovers that one of comics' most dramatic and life altering stories ever, BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE, in which the Joker shot and paralyzed Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl and subsequently led to Batgirl's transformation into the super-hacker Oracle, never should've happened. WHAM! Take that author Alan Moore.For those unfamiliar with Booster Gold think Pete Rose meets Marty Mcfly. A 25th century football player who's disgraced after betting on his own games, Booster Gold travels back in time to be a hero but instead is recruited by time-cop Rip Hunter to stop a mysteryious villain from erasing the origins of the world's greatest heroes. And so far he's batting a thousand, having already saved the origins of Green Lantern, Superman, and now the Flash. There's only one being in all the universe powerful enough to prevent Booster Gold from saving Batgirl and it's not the Joker. It's writer Geoff Johns. And it'...
More About: Batman , Holy

TEMPLATES REALLY GET UNDER MY SKIN
2007-10-11 16:17:00
Finally, after days of searching, downloading, uploading, and tinkering with code the site has a new template. If I never see another bX-m2rvww, bX-1n3uk8, or bX-aigizw error it'll be too soon. Many templates are incompatible with Blogger.com. And while I'm no expert, Blogger leaves a lot to be desired in usability. Just an idea, but why not offer page elements creation (specifically their positioning and size) without first having to upload the template for it first. Regardless, expect this template to stick around for a while.Anyway, check out the new things on the blog like: a fancy new menu bar, labels for quicker finds, a nostalgic Super Mario Bros. game, and a video feed from Youtube way down at the bottom of the of the blog but easily accessible from the fancy menu bar. Since the youtube feed is specific to the content of the blog you can be sure it will the bee's knee's (I hope).*a new episode of Kung Fu Jimmy Chow is out! (it's been add to the previous post Anime on Ac...
More About: Skin , Templates , Temp

MISFORTUNE COOKIES
2007-10-09 00:03:00
Wonton Food, the country's largest producer of fortune cookies, is putting dire warnings like “Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” and “It’s over your head now. Time to get some professional help,” into circulation. Before you blow off these predictions as a nonsensical jumble of words, keep in mind that in 2005 Wong Food's accurately predicted 5 of the 6 winning Powerball numbers. So will this trigger a scene right out of The Twilight Zone with some William Shatner wannabe fiddling away his time and money in a desperate attempt to avoid an ambiguous fate. Sadly no. After receiving complaints from some namby-pamby, Wong Food has removed many of the more 'questionable' fortunes. Fortunately, there's still some of these misfortunes out there (for now anyway) so why not tempt fate and order Chinese tonight.Click the fortune cookie and learn your own fate!
More About: Cookies , Cookie

THE BOONDOCKS SEASON 2: ADVANCE REVIEW
2007-10-07 05:27:00
With the dust still settling on the N-word's grave, will The Boon docks bow down to all the haters? Don't count on it. Season 2 pulls no punches: ass whoopings, F-bombs, homosexual pejoratives, and yes even the N-word abound; and that's just the way we like it. Nevertheless, expect CNN to once again do a sanctimonious segment criticizing creator Aaron McGruder's ethics, but hey that's just more publicity.The new season (20 episodes) kicks off with "Or Die Trying..." which revolves around the Boondocks gang sneaking into the blaxploitation film Soul Plane 2: the Blackjacking! where their whitebread neighbor Jazmine Dubois is schooled in the 'finer points' of movie theater etiquette. The episode frequently transitions between this and clips of Soul Plane 2, which is every bit as funny as the actual story if not more so. Case in point is a scene (clip right) where Jazmine watches a scared straight PSA on stealing movies that looks like something straight out of Grindhouse [I'll ...
More About: Review

SMALLVILLE PREMIERE PACKS A (DOUBLE) PUNCH
2007-10-04 17:40:00
Ahh... youth. A stupider time, flailing joypads around for added leftness & rightness, kneeling beneath the TV to look up a skirt, and (physics be damned) NOTHING WAS STRONGER THAN THE DOUBLE PUNCH after all it's twice the punch!Bravo Bizarro for proving a spinning downward right hook is no match for the double punch. And now with the advent of motion sensitive joypads, can upskirt technology really be that far away?Episode commentary (spoilers)I had at least 3 problems with this episode:Bizarro has no qualms about killing yet he allows himself to be bitch slapped by Lois LaneMartian Manhunter heals just in time to be of no useLana Lang figures the best hiding spot is in China wearing a blonde wig
More About: Double , Smallville , Premiere , Punch , Packs

Anime on Acid
2007-10-01 10:05:00
Kung Fu Jimmy Chow:Jimmy Chow utterly destroys the inexplicable villain.
More About: Anime , Acid

ONE OF THE GOOD ONES
2007-09-30 22:42:00
You know, I was recently rescued by a black superhero and I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between the way a black superhero fights crime and the way regular superheroes fight crime. I mean, it was exactly the same. He wasn't screaming, 'Yo M-Fer, I'll bust a capp in ya ass!' You know, I mean, he was -- it was like being saved by superman in metropolis in the sense of he wasn't speaking in ebonics or high on dope, just good ol' fashion crime fighting. I think black superheroes are starting to think more and more for themselves.Good for you black superheroes, good for you!
More About: The Good , The Go , The G

Lame News Cuts the Fat
2004-09-03 05:34:00
Lame News has been packing on the pounds, with the addition of pop-up ads its grown slow and sluggish. We here at Lame News (and by we, I mean me, and by news I mean subliminal messages from the 1/3rd dimension) have decide to cut the fat, but don't panic you wont have to go cold turkey. You can still get your junk food fix with the creme de la creme, 100% Lame approved banner ads.Lame News asks "does this html make my blog look fat?"
More About: Cuts , Lame

Is Jesus Stalking Pamela Anderson
2004-09-01 02:42:00
Pamela Anderson isn't taking any chances. After all, this is the King of Kings we're talking about. Fearing Jesus may be following her incognito, Pamela is bending over backwards and giving assets away to any bum who asks. It's just like that Jesus to use deception, but one wonders just how many homeless people the mega-star happens upon.Click Here for Full-Sized ImageSources say Pamela attempted to obtain a restraining order against her would-be messiah, but it was denied on grounds that Christ is omnipresent. Left with little choice, Pamela has accepted this divine stalker even sporting a "Jesus is my Homeboy" t-shirt (pictured right).Praise the Lord, Jesus Christ, for through him all stalkers find hope.
More About: Pamela Anderson , Pamela , Stalking

McCain Looking Presidential
2004-08-31 05:50:00
Senator John McCain stole the spotlight with what will stand as the most memorable moment of the Republican Convention. McCain's speech rallied the troops not to calls of Republican superiority, but to American steadfastness. "We are Americans first, Americans last, and Americans always" McCain affirmed.In a sobering moment McCain invoked the words of Franklin Roosevelt "Of some generations much is asked. To other generations much is given. This generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny." With true compassionate conservativism McCain justified the 'war on terror' as a war on evil that infects an otherwise honorable religion. Praising the President's resolve, McCain declared Bush is still the best man for the job.News analysts called John McCain's endorsement of one-time-rival George Bush a foregone conclusion, citing party loyalty and a possible McCain candidacy in 2008 as reasons. McCain has answered these accusations with flat out denials. John McCain may be loyal...
More About: Presidential , Resident

Korean Honor
2004-08-30 04:21:00
Since losing the gold on a technicality, the Kore an s have been fighting-mad. Now with neither side willing to share in the glory, Korea is on the attack using their trump card--Kung Fu. Fueled by fury, Moon Dae Sung(left, in red) crushed the competition and brought home a gold for South Korea.At the award ceremony, Moon was asked if this win eased Korean anger and if he harbored any ill-will towards gymnast Paul Hamm. Moon responded, "...Hamm I will break you" then he stood silently as he stared at the gold (right).Sorry Paul, keeping the gold is one thing, but then giving a critique and suggesting the Korean was lucky to get bronze is weak. Your only option now is sepuku (ritual suicide).
More About: Honor

Terror Toy - Distributor Says 'Oops'
2004-08-29 00:17:00
Miami based wholesaler, Lisy Corp. is recalling this toy(pictured left), which depicts the tragedy of Sept. 11th, only after receiving several customer complaints. Luis Padron, Lisy's national sales manager, argued that their importer buys toys in bulk, sight unseen, so they hold the supplier responsible. If Lisy Corp. employed some quality control they wouldn't need to dodge responsibility.Contact Lisy Corp.Miami-305- 836-LISY(5479)FAX-305-836-8752sales@lisyc orp.com
More About: Terror