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Goozlepipe Movie Reviews

Goozlepipe Movie Reviews
What you'll get here is simple, honest reviews that are our opinion, not a hyped and pimped review like those in magazines and newspaper. Too often, we have paid good money to see movies hyped by the press, only to be sorely disappointed. Between rev

Articles

26+ Best Zombies of All Time
2008-04-03 21:06:00
“For me it’s always been the strangeness of zombies, in that they are very slow and almost inept and shambolic - without motive, without moral rage or agenda. They’re just us: motorised instinct,” he says. “There’s something really eerie about that. They don’t mean any harm; they’re just doing their thing.” – Shaun of the Dead’s ...
More About: Time , Zombies
80s Cult-Classic, Adventure Movies
2008-03-11 18:42:00
“Tales of typically normal excitable youngsters going on epic adventures that lifted the heart stirred the soul and haunted our dreams. But it was the palpable sense of adventure that really convinced, giving us youngsters an achievable sense of daydream adventure” — Oliver Pfeiffer For those who were young in the 1980s, the decade’s movies hold ...
More About: Movies , Adventure , Cult , Classic
Factory Girl
2008-02-13 15:55:00
I went to a party once, and there was a palm reader there and when she looked at my hand, she just froze. And I said to her “I know. My lifeline is broken. I know I won’t live past thirty.” Release: 2006 Runtime: 1 hour, 39 min Genre: Biography, Drama Language: English MPAA Rating: R Starring: Sienna Miller, Guy Pearce, ...
More About: Factory , Girl
Hollywood Physics: Where Movies Get It Wrong
2008-02-07 15:03:00
Popsci.com takes a look at a few of cinema’s most mind-boggling moments of scientific inaccuracy?plus a few rare films that manage to get things (mostly) right. All ten examples are collected here for those who don’t want to flip through ten separate pages: Mission Impossible II (2000): In a critical scene in John Woo’s motorcycle-heavy second installment of ...
More About: Hollywood , Movies , Physics , Wrong , Olly
Dragon Wars: D-War
2008-02-06 06:29:00
?This one?s for connoisseurs of the ?totally preposterous crap? school of fantasy cinema. You know who you are: You have all the Warlock sequels on Laserdisc, the complete Leprechaun series on DVD, and go see Uwe Boll movies on opening weekend.? ? Luke Y. Thompson of L.A. Weekly Release: 2007 Runtime: 1 hour, 30 min Genre: Action, Drama, ...
More About: Wars , Dragon Wars , Dragon
Rambo, aka Rambo 4
2008-01-25 23:25:00
Peace is an accident, war is natural. Old men start it, young men fight it, everybody in the middle dies, and nobody tells the truth. Synopsis (IMDB): Vietnam veteran John Rambo has survived many harrowing ordeals in his lifetime and has since withdrawn into a simple and secluded existence in Bangkok, where he spends his time ...
More About: Rambo 4
Top 10 Most Pirated Movies and TV Shows of 2007
2008-01-16 19:53:00
BitTorrent is a peer-to-peer file sharing (P2P) communications protocol. BitTorrent is a method of distributing large amounts of data widely without the original distributor incurring the entire costs of hardware, hosting and bandwidth resources. Instead, when data is distributed using the BitTorrent protocol, each recipient supplies pieces of the data to newer recipients, reducing the ...
More About: Movies , Irate
Merry Christmas to All the Earth
2007-12-24 19:06:00
Prophecy (740-680 B.C.): Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 Fulfillment: But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not ...
More About: Christmas , Earth , Merry Christmas , Merry
We?re Moving to the Suburbs
2007-11-21 17:09:00
Suburbs: The endless sprawl of identikit mass produced housing that surrounds most towns and cities in the western world. Lacking the rural tranquility of the countryside and the spirit, history and community of the inner cities they are designe to enduce a life numbing stupor into it’s inhabitents to keep the ‘prolls’ under control. Also ...
More About: Moving
Top 15 Iconic Teen Movies
2007-11-20 18:30:00
Coming of age is a young person’s transition from adolescence to adulthood. The age at which this transition takes place varies in society, as does the nature of the transition. Often the individual(s) has developed in some way, through the undertaking of responsibility, or by learning a lesson. Movies of this genre are a very ...
Not Necessarily the Top 50 Dystopian Movies of All Time
2007-11-13 23:47:00
Dystopia: an imagined place or state in which everything is unpleasant or bad, typically a totalitarian or environmentally degraded one. The opposite of Utopia. Several weeks ago, Snarkerati posted a list of the Top 50 Dystopian Movies of All Time . After its release, many people took the site to task for its rather loose interpretation of ...
Biggest Jerks in Movie History
2007-11-06 21:25:00
"An idiot or stupid person. An insensitive, selfish, ignorant, cocky person who is inconsiderate and does stupid things." — Urban Dictionary Everybody knows one. Whether at work, on the road, or at home, we’ve all been confronted by them. In life, they’re bad, but on the silver screen writers seem to bring out the worst in some characters: Johnny - Karate Kid (1984)Yeah! Okay, here’s your first lesson: how to take a FALL! [He sideswipes Daniel, knocking him over the edge and down the embankment.] Philips - The Sandlot (1993) It’s easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez. Col. William Tavington - The Patriot (2000) [After killing another innocent man] You know, it’s ugly business doing one’s duty… but just occasionally it’s a real pleasure. Ed Rooney - Ferris Buellers Day Off (1986) [Whistling for the dog with a vase in his hands] Come here doggy! Look what Uncle Ed’s got for you, you little f*cker...
More About: Movie , History , Jerks
Wicked Little Things
2007-10-31 22:23:00
"As you sow, so shall you reap!" Release: 2006 Runtime: 1 hour, 34 min Genre: Horror Language: English MPAA Rating: R Starring: Lori Heuring, Scout Taylor-Compton, Chloe Moretz, Geoffrey Lewis Amazon Link: Wicked Little Things SYNOPSIS: Wicked Little Things" tells the tale of the recently-widowed Karen Tunny and her two daughters, Sarah and Emma, who move to a remote mountain home inherited from the family of her late husband. Unbeknownst to Karen, the three of them are not as alone as they assumed. The home lies near an old mine abandoned almost a hundred years before, after a tragic cave-in killed a group of children who were forced to work there. After Dark Films billed Horrorfest as “a weekend of horror films that are considered to graphic or too disturbing for general audiences.” Ok, let’s not beat around the bush. That announcement isn’t just a marketing statement; it is a boldface lie to separate patrons from their money. Most of these f...
The Gravedancers
2007-10-30 15:52:00
"You just can’t find good paranormal help, these days." Release: 2006 Runtime: 1 hour, 35 min Genre: Horror, Thriller Language: English MPAA Rating: R Starring: Dominic Purcell, Josie Maran, Clare Kramer, Marcus Thomas, Tchéky Karyo , Megahn Perry Amazon Link: The G ravedancers SYNOPSIS: Three twenty-somethings learn the hard way about proper cemetery behavior in this independent horror film by Mike Mendez. Harris (Dominic Purcell), Sid (Marcus Thomas), and Kira (Josie Maran) are three longtime friends reunited when their college pal, Devin, dies in an auto accident. After attending Devin’s funeral, the three stage an impromptu, graveside wake. Before long, the revelers are singing and dancing around the cemetery, trampling nearby graves. Later, the friends discover they’ve made a serious mistake; they’ve awakened very angry spirits. After watching several films from 2006’s Horrorfest, I was really beginning to doubt that there was anyth...
More About: Edan
Fairy Tales: Horror for the Making
2007-10-29 19:39:00
Monika Bartyzel, on cinematical,  wonders “why we don’t get many classic fairy tale horror movies. I’m not referring to reimagining familial tales into something more adult (like Dorothy and BDSM), but rather going back to the source of the fairy tale”: Hansel and Gretel: A family is starving, burning of the old woman, and her cannibalistic dreams. That the mother or stepmother happens to die when the children have killed the witch has suggested to many commentators that the mother or stepmother and the witch are, in fact, the same woman. Sleeping Beauty: Originally published by Charles Perrault, the story consisted of two parts. The first is what we’re familiar with, except that the prince raped the sleeping girl. Then there is Part 2: Attempted infanticide and cannibalism, war, and an Ogress Queen torn apart by snakes and vipers. Red Riding Hood: In an earlier version, the wolf was a werewolf, and he feeds grandma’s blood and meat to the li...
More About: Horror , Tales , Fairy Tales
The 7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Monsters
2007-10-28 05:00:00
Cracked.com’s Colm Prunty has compiled his list of “monsters that anyone with working legs and the IQ of a well-trained Dalmatian could escape.”: The 7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Mons ters Samara Morgan/Sadako from The Ring/Ringu (2002/1998): “One would think the obvious thing to do would be to step outside and leave the TV behind.” In addition, Samara is screwed unless if she transfers her evil videotape to DVD or possibly Blu-ray/HD-DVD. For a crazy killer, she’s not really on top of today’s technology. The Predator from Predator (1987): Won’t attack the unarmed or helpless. “Using this knowledge to your advantage, smear yourself with feces and crawl weeping toward it.” Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): “Leatherface is stupid. Really, inbred-to-the-point-of-extinction stupid.” The demon Pazuzu from The Exorcist (1973): “He may be the laziest of the monsters on the list. He’ll pr...
More About: Capa
Zombies: Live from the Zombie Reporting Center
2007-10-22 03:49:00
"Zombie s , man. They creep me out." –Kaufman, Land of the Dead (2005) Zombies are fascinating creatures. Combining the horrors of the undead and cannibalism, zombies have become a staple of modern horror fiction, where they are brought back from the dead by supernatural or scientific means, and eat the flesh or brains of the living. Commonly referred to as the Romero zombie, after the filmmaker that defined the concept, this movie monster has become the archetypal version in modern media and culture. In time for Halloween, the Zombie Reporting Center has released their Top Ten Quotes from Zombie Movies: “Send… More… Paramedics…” - Zombie (The Return of the Living Dead, 1985) “When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth” - Peter (Dawn of the Dead, 1978) “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” - Johnny (Night of the Living Dead, 1968 “What did you want me to do? Leave you a message?...
More About: Live
Top Vampire Movies of All Time
2007-10-21 06:39:00
Vampires are mythological beings that are renowned for subsisting on human blood or soul. Although vampires have different characteristics depending on which story one reads (or movie one watches), in most cases, they are described as reanimated corpses who feed by draining and consuming the blood of living beings. The term was popularized in the early 18th century and arose from the folklore of southeastern Europe, particularly the Balkans and Greece. In 1897, Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula, brought folklore into the realm of published fiction. The success of this book spawned a distinctive vampire genre, still popular today. Books and films of the genre have portrayed vampires with attributes markedly distinct from those of original folkloric vampires. With Count Dracula, the gaunt, fanged noble undead, vulnerable to sunlight was born. However, traits such as aversion to garlic and vulnerability to staking were simply incorporated from the folklore. Vampires have also proven t...
More About: Movies , Time , Vampire
Embarrassing Movie Posters Gallery
2007-10-19 07:34:00
Today movie posters are valuable collectibles, but in the beginning, they were just one more way the big studios tried to convince audiences to go to the movies. Lost in Negative Space collected a number of what it calls "Embarrassing Movie Posters ."  Our take is that whoever came up with these movie ideas in the first place are the ones who should be embarrassed. Below is a gallery of some of Negative Space’s best and a second gallery of ones we found: Embarrassing Movie Posters Gallery : Gallery of other cringworthy movie posters that we found:      
Are Horror Games Redefining the Horror Genre?
2007-10-12 18:39:00
Video games have an extraordinary ability to creep out a player. When watching a scary movie, it’s the characters on screen that finds out what’s hiding around the corner. However, when playing a horror video game, you are the one who must creep into the darkness. Colette Bennett at destructiod.com makes the case that the horror genre is being redefined by video games rather than the cinema: …horror games are outdoing horror films by a landslide in quality. What’s the reason? Perhaps games allow for more detail in the storyline (twenty gameplay hours sure beats two in the theatre for building an engaging story). It also helps that games do not require brand name talent… Why aren’t the films able to generate the same powerful reactions the games did, even though they are telling very similar stories? What do the games have that films can’t seem to capture? Some suggest that immersion and conflicting interests are the problems: There’s actually a c...
More About: Horror , Games , Genre
The Hamiltons
2007-10-10 21:55:00
Release: 2006 Runtime: 1 hour, 26 min Genre: Drama, Horror, Thriller Language: English MPAA Rating: R Starring: Cory Knauf, Samuel Child, Joseph McKelheer, Mackenzie Firgens, Rebekah Hoyle, Brittany Daniel Amazon Link: The Hamiltons SYNOPSIS: A low-budget frightener about a seemingly picture-perfect suburban family who harbors a terrible secret. When their parents are killed in a tragic accident, the eldest Hamilton sibling David (Samuel Child) relocates the family to a quiet California suburb and assumes the responsibility of caring for his orphaned siblings Wendell (Joseph McKelheer), Darlene (Mackenzie Firgens), and Francis (Cory Knauf). While twins Wendell and Darlene seem to share a incestuous bond that segregates them from the rest of the family, Francis the angst-ridden emo teen, acquires a video camera and sets out to film his family for a school project. As the all-seeing camera begins to reveal something malevolent in the Hamilton’s home, the youngest sibling is f...
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