Directory —
Entertainment —
Blog Details for "Hardcore Film Maniac Reviews and News"
Hardcore Film Maniac Reviews and NewsHardcore Film Maniac Reviews and NewsI like movies... a lot. And I review movies for many sites. So I set up my own blog so people can read my reviews instead of going to all of my different sites. Articles
FilmFanatix Review: "Crawl Space"
2007-12-24 04:30:00 “Crawl Space ”2007** out of ****Director: Michael TiddesCast: Lindsay Lorraine, Erin Ross, Brad SchmidtSPOILERS!!!Aww, now I feel bad. Not for the directors, the producers, the cast members, and everyone else that was involved with the production of the eleven minute short film “Crawl Space,” but I feel bad for me. It turns out that I had two copies of this sent to me. The first time the lady that sent it to me sent it to the wrong address, to a place that I don’t even exists in New Jersey. When I asked for another one, she sent it to me. I feel bad just because I looked forward to “Crawl Space” for that entire time waiting for it (which if I remember correctly, I think it was a month and a half).But it seems like that everyone else likes “Crawl Space,” which I’m only judging by the two reviews that are on its IMDb external reviews page. My boss at F-Ys said it was one of the best short films she had ever seen. Some other guy from the U.K. thinks that it was tense... More About: Review
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "Jingle All The Way"
2007-12-22 02:23:00 “Jingle All The Way”1996*** out of ****Director: Brian LevantCast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil HartmanSome could say that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s film career was going through the shitter after “Batman and Robin”. Our favorite governor (after James McGreevy, of course) starred in some of the world’s greatest films, playing the title role in “Terminator” and played main characters in “Predator,” “Commando,” and “True Lies.” You could see his film career was going to the dump from a mile, maybe two away. But most people consider his worst film to be “Jingle All The Way.”Of course, I’m not one of those people. Memories bring be back to when I was a youngin, watching “Jingle All The Way” over and over again. It seems like a long time, but after watching “Jingle All The Way” again today, I remember almost all of the words to the Schwarzenegger “classic.” A movie from the past could never have been so enjoyable. Quite frankly, it’s p... More About: Exclusive , Film , Review , Hardcore
Saturday Movie Night Week 5: "Underdog," "Once," "The Simpsons Movie," "Bri
2007-12-21 16:18:00 "Underdog”2007*** out of ****Director: Frederik Du ChauCast: Jason Lee, James Belushi, Peter DinklageYou guys remember when I reviewed “I Know Who Killed Me,” and said that I had a whole line of Lindsay Lohan jokes lined up for a rant, right? Well, “Underdog” was another one of those films that I thought was going to suck more than a Thai hooker, and I was going to be the one that was going to slap it with a purple dildo. But, of course, something happened. It may have been my love for superhero films… or my love for films in general… or maybe Tony DeFrancisco’s heart is turning from black to red.But whatever the hell it was, I liked “Underdog.” And that’s not it… I actually feel bad for making fun of Jason Lee for this film.“Underdog” isn’t much, but I learned that a film like this doesn’t need to be. It’s directed towards little kids, and works as a family movie. There are many people who are going to hate it just because it’s a kid movie, but t... More About: Movie , Night , Saturday , The Simpsons , Week
MovieBuffs Review: "Enchanted"
2007-12-17 04:00:00 “Enchanted ”2007*** out of ****Director: Kevin LimaCast: Amy Adams, James Marsden, Patrick DempseySo after my great-grandparents were killed in a car accident, I decided to take myself out for a little bit of fun. And what better way to start off my day when I go to the movies. I really wanted to see “No Country for Old Men” again, but I think it would have been better for me to see a happier film. And then again, “Enchanted” was the only movie that I could really smile over (since “August Rush” even had a few depressing moments and “Beowulf” was depressing just to watch). While the trailer was horrible (and if anyone disagrees with me, watch it with every… single… movie… that you have seen in the theaters leading up to November 21), it doesn’t mean that I couldn’t have fun.And I did have fun with “Enchanted,” but that’s it. I don’t know if it was good and I don’t know if it was bad. Maybe I was just looking for a silly movie to brighten up my ... More About: Review
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "Black Santa's Revenge"
2007-12-16 01:38:00 “Black Santa’s Revenge”2007**** out of ****Director: David WalkerCast: Ken Foree, Todd Robinson, Gracie StarrWell, I am speechless. So speechless that I can’t even come up with a half decent thing to say about “Black Santa’s Revenge,” a short film starring Ken Foree, and I don’t have to explain what movie that guy was from. I hate Christmas, but even the heartless motherfucker in me even admits that “Black Santa’s Revenge” is what the holiday is really about. Fuck those songs, the cookies, and the presents. Give Ken Foree a gun and put him in a Santa outfit, and that is a Christmas gift for me.Holy shit, I just came all over myself.Ken Foree is… Black Santa. He’s a voluntary Santa Clause for the local community center. He deals with kids that either hate him or just think he’s weird. On Christmas Eve, Black Santa looks at all the presents, a group of criminals hit Black Santa over the head with a pistol, and steal all the toys. He’s questioned by the au... More About: Exclusive , Film , Review , Hardcore
Fatally-Yours Book Review: "Horror 101: The A-List of Horror Films and Mons
2007-12-14 23:50:00 “Horror 101: The A-List of Horror Films and Monster Movies Vol. 1”2007Editor: Aaron ChristensenAuthors: 78 horror fansHorror films today aren’t like what they were back in the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and hell, even 90s. Boogeymen and monsters inspired a trend of fantastic movies back in their days. “Black Christmas” inspired “Halloween.” “Halloween” inspired “Friday the 13th.” “Friday the 13th” inspired many after that. In the 80s, a new horror film was released every single week into theaters. They were always unique and had brilliantly-crafted deaths and villains.I forget those days.But a group of seventy-eight horror fans remember everything. They remember their experiences. They remember the controversy surrounding their favorite horror films. They remember people at school talking about it. “Horror 101” is a brilliant collection of 101 essays, written about 110 films within the 320 page book. Do you remember having so much fun remembering the... More About: Book Review , Review , Book
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "The Girl Next Door"
2007-12-13 03:30:00 “The Girl Next Door ”2007**** out of ****Director: Gregory M. WilsonCast: Daniel Manche, Blythe Auffarth, Blanche BakerMy philosophy while watching film is that as long as I’m entertained, I should enjoy it. I only care about the entertaining ones and don’t give a flying fuck about the ones that aren’t. Put an entertaining movie in front of me, you will have two hours with me off of your hands. Even if it’s one of the worst movies ever, I will watch it.But how could you like a movie like “The Girl Next Door?” A film that is so vile, so despicable that it is so frightened and filled with terror when it looks at itself in the mirror. “The Girl Next Door” has subject material that the only people that will find it entertaining would be the people that it’s based around on. We watch “torture-porn” films and bitch and complain how stupid and unoriginal they are, but we think they’re entertaining anyway. “The Girl Next Door” is so far away from being enterta... More About: Exclusive , Film , Review
Horror-101 Review: "Tree"
2007-12-12 03:43:00 “Tree ”2007***½ out of ****Director: Michael R. SteinbeckCast: Bill Elverman, Kate Berry, Avery LaneThe best kinds of films are the kinds of films that leave an impression on you that don’t leave until another great movie comes around and sweeps you off of your feet. A movie like “Tree” is a movie that the viewer should go into knowing nothing about, but later the viewer will find out that they love every single moment of it. What it lacks in blood and gore it gains in suspense and momentum. “Tree” isn’t one of those films that are scary just because there is blood and guts. It follows the same formula that Friedkin’s “Bug” follows – we meet the characters and get to know their deepest fears. “Tree” is the ultimate independent horror flick in the last couple of years.There’s a scene in “Tree” that perfectly explains why movies based on premonitions suck, like “Final Destination 3” and Sandra Bullock’s queef of “Premonition.” Throughout the... More About: Horror , Review
By the end of Christmas vacation, you will be sick of me.
2007-12-11 22:39:00 On December 28th, 2006, Hardcore Film Maniac was born into the world of MySpace (or once again). After his very long haitus, he's back, and now, it's the holiday season.But while I despise the holiday season as much as Royce, I don't despise the movies that come out. This is that one period of time where they DON'T dump all of the films out, and release them for Oscar release. So, being that I have nothing to do over the holiday season aside from internet porn and swimming in a pool of movie shirts and Blade Runner, I will be spending my time at the movie theater.That means that you will be seeing reviews for...The Kite Runner*Atonement*JunoCharlie Wilson's WarWalk Hard: The Dewey Cox StoryNational Treasure 2Sweeney ToddBucket List*AVP 2The Savage*There Will Be Bloodthe ones marked with an astreick means that it will only happen if it plays in the shitty state of New Jersey.And aside from that, here's what else you can look forward to:Bargain Bin Review: "Crossroads"... yes. T... More About: Christmas , Vacation , Sick , Christmas Vacation
Geeks of Doom Review: "Arctic Tale"
2007-12-11 04:01:00 “Arctic Tale ”2007Directors: Adam Ravetch, Sarah RobinsonCast: Queen Latifah, little kiddies and animalsLet it be known to the people who just scroll down at the bottom of the review JUST to see what my score was for it that I never gave this movie a score. If you watched “March of the Penguins,” you will know how hard it is to say how a documentary like that is as far as quality goes. (And no, calling it cute doesn’t qualify how good it is. You can call one of the girls at the mall cute and she might have a history of Chlamydia that you don’t know about.)That is why “Arctic Tale” isn’t receiving a rating from me. It won’t get my opinion, because I’ll just be calling it cute. I won’t compare it to “March of the Penguins,” because they are two different movies and “Arctic Tale” never received as much buzz, therefore they won’t make animated movie after animated movie of polar bears and walruses. I won’t even be criticizing Queen Latifah’s narratio... More About: Geeks , Review , Doom
Saturday Movie Night Week 4: "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," "
2007-12-10 05:57:00 “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ”2007Original Rating: *** out of ****New Rating: *** out of ****Director: David YatesCast: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert GrintAfter “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” there was a reason to stay the hell away from the “Harry Potter” movies. It was filled with so much drama that it would take high-school one thousand years just to get half of the drama. I figured that it was the kids that were growing up, so I was about to stay away from this movie…It’s a good thing though that when you made a promise to see every summer blockbuster except for “Shrek the Third” that you have to see every summer blockbuster except for “Shrek the Third.” It must have been director Mike Newell, because the fifth “Harry Potter” film is without a doubt the darkest film, with the least amount of drama and the most amount of horrific material. Hell, this may have even been scarier than “From Justin to Kelly” for all I know.... More About: Movie , Night , Order of the Phoenix
Saturday Movie Night Week 3: "Superbad" and "Pirates of the Caribbean 3"
2007-12-08 06:32:00 “Superbad”2007Original Rating: *** out of ****New Rating: ***½ out of ****Director: Greg MottolaCast: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse“I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. but you're doing great. Now fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry!” – Joey Lauren Adams, “Dazed and Confused”“That's crazy, I'm only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there's 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there's a midget in the crowd.” – Craig Robinson, “Knocked Up”“There is a very good reason for why my fake I.D. says I’m 25 and not 21. Everyday hundreds of kids go to the liquor store with fake I.D.s that say they’re 21. Just how many 21-year-olds are there in this town? It’s called strategy.” – Christopher Mintz-PlasseChugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-c hoo-choo! All aboard the Judd Apatow train. After his comeback directing ... More About: Movie , Pirates , Caribbean , Night , Pirates of the Caribbean
Fatally-Yours Review: "Cannibal Flesh Riot"
2007-12-08 01:45:00 “Cannibal Flesh Riot”2007?**½ out of ****Director: Gris GrimlyCast: David Backhaus, Dustin Loreque, Gris Grimly“You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.” – Kevin Smith, “Clerks.”“...I got nothing.” – Kevin Smith, “Clerks 2”Kevin Smith is one of the greatest screenwriters of our time. His words are just thrown in with a sentence filled with fuck, ass, and “Star Wars.” He can talk about anything he wants to. Not only does he have the talent to do it on a piece of paper and have other people just sound it out, but he can do it in real-life. (Don’t believe me? Check out “An Evening with Kevin Smith” and watch the improvisation genius tell someone to go fuck themselves, or just check out the clip on YouTube from the San Diego ComiCon where he tells that one guy that he has his rod in his mother’s ass.)There have been many people following him too.... More About: Review
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "Girl With Gun"
2007-12-07 23:00:00 "Girl With Gun”2006**½ out of ****Director: Russ EmanuelCast: Tracy O’Connor, Michelle Martin, Erick HollowayBefore “Girl with Gun,” there was Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece “Kill Bill,” one of the greatest cinematic journeys that this Hardcore Film Maniac was ever to endure. It was not only funny, but it had the greatest fight sequence ever, using a white woman and an Asian woman going head-to-head outside with no one around them. I think I came just typing that last sentence.Why am I comparing “Kill Bill” to “Girl with Gun” though? Well first off, they’re oddly similar. Aside from the actual character played by Tracy O’Connor who is a trained assassin, there is a battle where the white woman goes up against the Asian woman. In the trailer, it seemed to be the biggest thing that happened in the independent cinema since “Clerks.” I’m glad to say that it is one of the biggest things that happened in the independent cinema since “Clerks.”However, ... More About: Exclusive , Review
Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake...
2007-12-07 05:23:00 Hey gang! I’m back!Actually, I’ve never been gone really. I’ve been on here just to get away from the family. But I’ve learned my lesson… never give those bastards your Cheetos.Anyway, aside from the recent deaths of my great-grandparents, a hectic battle going on between family members, work, and school (and NBA 06 on the PSP), I just noticed that… I HAVEN’T GOTTEN SHIT DONE! I promised so much and gave nothing! Off with my fucking head!I have five screeners here that haven’t been watched (sorry filmmakers), another five somewhere in the mail, Saturday Movie Night from last week, an “Enchanted” review and a “No Country for Old Men” essay that still haven’t gotten around to write up. I still have that Quickie Reviews Installment 3 and I never even gotten around to watching a single movie for that.So since the year is almost over (hard to believe), I have A LOT coming. And by A LOT, I mean A LOT.- I got my Best of, Worst of, and Award Show for 007 (we ... More About: Nuts , Serve , Polish
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "Murder Party"
2007-12-02 04:48:00 “Murder Party ”2007**** out of ****Director: Jeremy SaulnierCast: Chris Sharp, Macon Blair, Alex BarnettFACT: The last great horror comedy was “Shaun of the Dead.” Before that, I can’t even remember when the last decent one came from.ANOTHER FACT: None of you bastards have heard of “Murder Party,” which is why it’s so fucking awesome.“Murder Party” is not a horror film. It’s a satirical look into the horror subgenre that we now hate. It’s like Jeremy Saulnier took notes while watching every film that showed blood on boobs and said, “Hey, wouldn’t this be funny if we do that?” Then they take the Eli Roth/Rob Zombie approach, and every little bit of death that is included into the picture, it’s considered ‘art.’ I don’t know about you, but if a little independent movie like this makes it to my top ten of ‘007, a screener for such a fun movie is now considered as artistic as Da Vinci’s painting of his ass crack. The day you find a better movie s... More About: Exclusive , Film , Review
So Long, and Good Night
2007-12-01 01:23:00 “I used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't gonna be long enough. Hell, I wouldn't care so much if there hadn't been so many things I haven't done yet. So many damn things I ain't seen or done.” – Ralph Maccino, “The Outsiders”“You can't stop what's comin'. It ain't all waitin' on you. That's vanity.” – Barry Corbin, “No Country for Old Men”During lunch today, my friends and I were talking about how I’m an Atheist, but how I should start believing. Something that I never understood was why people believed in God so much. If war is going on, don’t you think a man with so much power would try and stop something like this? I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe that there is a time that we all die. I don’t even believe that a man like Dane Cook could father a child. But I believe in one thing…I believe in reality.Today I faced one of the most brutal things tha... More About: Night , Long , Good , Good Night
Fatally-Yours Review: "Blood Car"
2007-11-29 03:46:00 “Blood Car”2007***½ out of ****Director: Alex OrrCast: Mike Brune, Anna Chlumsky, Katie RowlettOutrageous prices in gas and killing people combine into one of the biggest and craziest independent movies that I have ever seen. If you HATE movies that deal with killing kids, babies, animals, and other people, then by all means stay the fuck away from this film. But if you love the following, keep reading the review, because it’s packed into one fantastic indie film. “Blood Car,” directed by Alex Orr and stars Mike Brune, is a fantastic look into what could be in the future. And if this really is going to happen one day, I’m already looking forward to it.In two weeks, gas prices will be at thirty-two dollars a gallon. People have abandoned the use of cars by either walking or riding their bikes. The only time they use cars is to have sex in them at the “car graveyard.” Archie Andrews (Mike Brune) is a kindergarten teacher, who has enough and decides to experiment on wa... More About: Review
Hardcore Film Maniac Exclusive Review: "Bratz"
2007-11-28 04:39:00 “Bratz ”2007BOMB out of ****Director: Sean McNamaraCast: So why is Jon Voight in this again?Well it’s official. Hollywood has finally ran out of ideas. You know, I thought horror remakes that had Chinese kids purring like a cat said that Hollywood was desperate. I thought that stars like Dane Cook and Zac Efron were only on the world for eye candy for girls. Even you didn’t think that bullshit like “Are We Done Yet” was just so Ice Cube can buy his family a pack of hot dogs. But after watching “Bratz,” this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.Now THAT was a movie.“Bratz” is not.If you don’t know what “Bratz” are, you are better to live your life the way that it’s going without the understanding of it. But “Bratz” are dolls that dress up in slutty clothi... More About: Exclusive , Film , Review , Hardcore
GeeksOfDoom Review: "August Rush"
2007-11-27 23:37:00 “August Rush ”2007***½ out of ****Director: Kirsten SheridanCast: Freddie Highmore, Keri Russell, Jonathan Rhys Meyers“Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore... play it loud enough and it keeps the demons at bay.” – Martin Luther, “Across the Universe”“I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. Can you hear it? It's like when you put your head to the grass and you can hear the growin' and you can hear the insects. Do you like Beethoven?” – Gary Oldman, “Leon”I remember the first time I was obsessed with music. Back in 2000, the one artist that I always wanted to be like is Eminem. Back then, I thought he was an amazing musician. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about in his songs, but it didn’t matter. His rap songs had some funky beats and made my head bounce the entire time I was listening to it. “The Real Slim Shady” was played so many times in my cassette player that I still know the lyrics... More About: Review , August Rush
GeeksOfDoom Review: "Guy X"
2007-11-26 22:48:00 “Guy X”2005** out of ****Director: Saul MetzsteinCast: Jason Biggs, Natascha McElhone, Jeremy NorthamGeeks Of Doom sent an email for movie screeners. The movies were about aliens, “SpongeBob,” and a little movie that seemed to caught my eye, all by one little name. His name is one name that I know very well. I stuck by him when he stuck his crank in a pie, and I cheered him on in that Freddie Prinze, Jr. bullshit called “Boys and Girls.” I watched him the very depressing “Prozac Nation,” and I once made sweet hot DeFrancisco love to his “Anything Else” co-star Christina Ricci. I even sat through “Loser” just to for him!You guys know him by now. The name is Biggs, Jason Biggs, and he’s here to sleep with your cousin.But even the god’s reincarnation into Jason Biggs couldn’t save a movie like “Guy X”. It’s not so much horrible, but at times it is either boring or tiring. It begins onto a good start, and hell, I even laughed at a few of those scenes.... More About: Review
Saturday Movie Night Week 2: "Waitress," "I Know Who Killed Me," "Hot Rod"
2007-11-26 03:58:00 “Waitress”2007**½ out of ****Director: Adrienne ShellyCast: Keri Russell, Nathan Fillion, Cheryl HinesI want to start this review by saying that I never got to see “Waitress” back when it was released in theaters. I desperately wanted to see it, but due that all of the theaters that are near me are either mainstream or shitty theaters, we never got it. Hell, we even BEGGED them to get “Across the Universe” and we were straight-up lucky to get that. But “Waitress” is one of those movies that deserve a standing ovation by a few people. It’s not everyday when someone can display a movie like “Waitress” in a somewhat comedic form.The purpose of “Waitress” is to show just how much an unwanted pregnancy can affect someone’s life. Whereas Judd Apatow used it just to be comedy, Adrienne Shelly uses unwanted pregnancy to use it as a dramedy, plus a much serious issue. It’s more than an unwanted pregnancy. It’s an unwanted marriage where there is spousal abuse... More About: Movie , Night , Saturday , Week , I Know Who Killed Me
MovieBuffs Review: "Futurama: Bender's Big Score"
2007-11-24 04:58:00 “Futurama : Bender’s Big Score ”2007**½ out of ****Director: Dwayne Carey-HillCast: Billy West, Katey Segal, John DiMaggioAfter “Futurama” was cancelled, they put the show on DVD. Many people bought them, and it became obvious that you guys wanted more. The show became a cult classic and they brought it back to the TV. But here’s what happened. Throughout the next year, they will be putting out four “Futurama” movies on DVD. In a few months, each movie will be separated into four episodes and will be aired on Comedy Central. “Futurama: Bender’s Big Score” was the first of the four movies to be released straight-to-video, and many named it one of the most anticipated titles of the holiday season…… Except for me. I was never a fan of “Futurama” to begin with. I always found the show to be tame and boring. Sure, it’s a nice concept, but what does “Futurama” have that “The Simpsons,” “South Park,” or “Family Guy” doesn’t have? It’s the ... More About: Review
GeeksOfDoom Review: "Mr. Bean's Holiday"
2007-11-24 01:59:00 Repost..."Mr. Bean's Holiday "2007*** out of ****Director: Steve BendelackCast: Rowan Atkinson, William Dafoe, Emma de Caunes“Come on, everybody, it’s gonna be great! Dr. Bean is a genius of the very highest order!” - Peter MacNicol, “Bean”Let’s start this off on the right spot: if you don’t like Mr. Bean, don’t fucking see this movie. Now that I got that out of the way… If you do like Mr. Bean, you should be happy. It contains jokes that are pretty much just like the original TV show. I am a self-confessed “Bean”-er (1. person who likes “Mr. Bean”; 2. a racial slur. I’m number 1). I grew up watching Mr. Bean when I was young, and I caught the first midnight showing for Bean: The Movie when I was five. Therefore, I liked Mr. Bean’s Holiday. I know not too many people (er, anyone who didn’t put their eight dollars in the ten million gross just for the U.S.) like “Mr. Bean,” and they often call him “pain in their assholes,” but for them people t... More About: Review
FilmFanatix Review: "Paprika"
2007-11-24 01:18:00 “Paprika ”2006**** out of ****Director: Satoshi KonCast: Megumi Hayashibara, Toru Furuya, Koichi YamaderaSatoshi Kon loves movies more than Quentin Tarantino.In his latest directorial effort, he throws in tons of references to so many movies, including “King Kong” and “From Russia with Love.” He creates a powerful film that is unique and creative. Hell, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that “Paprika” may have been one of the best films of the year. I think I woke up from a fantastic dream after watching ‘”Paprika.”The DC Mini is a sort of tool that therapists test out patients on to see what their dreams are. There are only four of them within the entire world. Dr. Chiba (Megumi Hayashibara) uses it, and is basically a schizophrenic who has an alternate personality called Paprika. Chiba’s DC Mini is stolen and the person who has it invades Chiba’s colleagues’ minds and plants powerful dreams. She uses the other three DC Minis to watch the dreams, an... More About: Review |
|
