Collective Heartburn

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Hanukkah lovin (also posted on the Heady Pepper)
2007-12-10 13:58:00
this post can be see at the Heady Pepper
More About: Hanukkah

Preperation
2007-12-07 23:19:00
At the moment I'm wondering if Simon and Grafunkel counts as Jewish music. I'm preparing for our first annual Hanukkah party here in Ribe, Denmark. Here in Denmark period. I've got Spanish tortilla on the pan and latkes in the prep stage.
More About: Prep

Careful
2007-12-04 09:56:00
At first I got a kick out of finding this sitting around and immediately felt like posting about it. But I realize now the irrelevance and silliness of it. It happens, but I'm putting it up anyway.---It's good that "Toothpaste" is written clearly. Among other things this little guy bears a striking resemblance to another little guy called O.b. , and could be mistaken for a knock off if it weren't significantly smaller. BUT - for the intoxicated - please read the label. Yes I realize you'll realize before any damage is done that it is indeed not a tampon...but still. It looks funny to me.Hmm. Does anyone knock off tampons?
More About: Careful

Thanksgiving
2007-11-22 17:13:00
"Don't go near the window, you'll fall out", my mother would say. It defeated the point of having one of the most prime views of the Thanksgiving Day Parade. From my uncle's place, the 11th floor of 65 Central Park West I could see Snoopy, Tweetybird, Rocky & Bullwinkle and a number of other giant floats. The marching bands were dots until I took out my uncle's opera glasses. They brought me onto the ground amidst the leggy dancers, santa and just beyond - Tavern on the Green. My brother and I would get there early to see March of the Wooden Soldiers, my favorite Laurel and Hardy.Every chance I got I went to the window and dangled out as much as I could to get view of the action on the ground. It was the late 70s when almost every other taxi was checkered with bucket seats and drivers who actually spoke. It was one of the few days out of the year the street was void of taxis. Every floor the elevator stopped on gave off varying smells of Thanksgiving.Abe Beame into Ed K...

Apple
2007-11-19 11:13:00
I can't get over how perfect this machine is. This iMac. It conjured thoughts in my head about aliens delivering the product to Steve Jobs personally in a warehouse. This led to thoughts of these highly intelligent beings showing up in Soprano style warm-up suits. Then I read about some flaws in the new iPhone. So here's what I whipped up...
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Just saying hi - and the bionic woman - ROCK ON!
2007-11-12 19:41:00
ok left? Right? I mean up there. If you're confused you didn't watch the whole video. Or ... if you're confused then you did watch the video!OK...update: up to episode 2 now. Jamie says to J. Bledsoe (Oscar Goldman equivalent), "you're a douche". And my second favorite line:. Bledsoe: "Anything else"? Jamie: "tyah..I have this ringing in my bionic ear"?OK One can appreciate high and low art just the same, no?And she's gonnaa ruin her leathah in that rain (in the clip).
More About: Rock , Woman , The Bionic Woman , Bionic Woman , Bionic

Ribe Jazz
2007-11-12 00:18:00
I just got around to cutting some footage I shot in July of the Ribe Jazz Festival. These guys were on fire! Enjoy!

Candidates - A post peppered with paranoia!
2007-11-10 22:41:00
OK I wrote this late last night and laughed about how paranoid, conspiracy theroryish it sounds. Anyway....There are posters of these two figures hanging in the study center of my language school. The language program is primarily attended by non-Danish immigrants who are required by law to learn Danish within 3 years. This is one law, among others for immigrants to abide by while waiting to acquire permanent residence after 7 years. There's also a 52.000 kr deposit (roughly $10,000), and a list of other requirements before being accepted into Danish society. The politicians above are, for the most part anti immigration. Especially the one on the right. No pun intended. That would be the ultra-right.I asked one of the school's administrator's why the more liberal candidates were not represented in the study room or anywhere in the school halls. She told me that they ordered one, but it never arrived. I say bullshit. I say they want to send us a message. A common message sent by...
More About: Post , Candidates , Paranoia , Candidate

bastards! (revised)
2007-11-02 04:21:00
2 November 2007 4:16:I cannot express in words, in this society - the honor system - how I feel after my bicycle has been stolen. Fucking bastards!2 November 2007 21:02I recovered my bicycle. I found it in the Kvickly parking lot, unlocked and unharmed. "They" took the TIME magazine I left in the basket, but left the lights on. Literate thief.I know what you're thinking - IDIOT! - and rightfully so. I was too trusting. NO MORE! From now on I lock that shit.Kvickly. It's a popular "drop off" place for temporary thieves who need a faster means home late at night. They're drunk and tired. And after they drop it off they can go into Kvickly and browse the organic section, sit in the bistro upstairs and read TIME!My mother in law recently recovered her bike in the parking lot too.

Um...I love you...
2007-10-17 13:11:00
...or the awkward hang-up. I just hung up with TDC (local phone company, or telecom would be more accurate) and I noticed something that happens quite often. It's the awkward difficulty of hanging up with a sales rep. I'm speaking English so I don't lose any important bit of information...like mistakenly ordering a 5000 kroner satellite TV package or a 20,000 kroner package of family/premium/soft porn/movies/sports/a gazillion channel package. I play it safe. After about 20 minutes of the man struggling for the equivalent of oere (the small change Danish sister of cents), while I'm trying to explain how unnecessary it is for him to explain - that I already know what they are and he doesn't have to tell me, to the EAR (oere also means ear) what oere means. It's just currency dude. You lost me at "Uuuhhhhh....hvad hedder det (uhhhh....what's it called).Then comes the sales pitch for every service under the sun that I have researched and researched and calculated, budget wise w...
More About: Love , I Love You

Kulturnat 07
2007-10-15 00:33:00
By Fozzi, waitress carrying pints upstairs. Poor gal yelled excuse me 40 times in order to get through. Excuse me doesn't go over too well here.**Correction. The Latin quarter was not found next to the firehouse, which would explain the lack of latin music. There was a sign, however in Spanish introducing Latin Jazz...ooh...wait...some Cuban music just came on...sorry...anyway strange, but true.This year's Kulturnat in Ribe was down-played a great deal. Almost to the point where one might pass through town and - aside from the lamp posts being replaced with fire - not really notice much. Not until you get near thechurch and see some guys in tights and armor, a few wenches and a gypsy woman with a large brass jug on her head. The town was dark in many ways. The theme had to do with secrets. Strange hidden surprises of varying multi cultural themes tucked away like treasures in a scavenger hunt. OK the people wearing glow in the dark jewelry and the period costumes might have giv...

Nielsen Rating
2007-10-07 20:00:00
The following events are true. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.The Rotary Club I went to my very first Rotary club dinner. I am impressed with myself that I'm still alive.17:48 : Arrival to Weis Stue in the center of Ribe. I'm wearing a tan blazer, a blue neck tie with a Wall Street dimple in the knot just like I learned how to make when I worked down there.17:52 : I sit down with 3 gentlemen, 2 of whom are quite advanced around 80. The 3rd was around 50. We three sit before the doors to the dinner meeting open.17:53 - 17:54 : Same as above only bits of small talk.17:55 - 18:03 : a gradual flow of elderly men arrive, shake hands with each member already seated, mumble their names to me, as I am the "new guy".18:04 : Ole Hansen, the president enters with a notebook and a carousel for slides. I note that he is the only elderly man with ebbing hair. The rest have full bodied heads of hair. This impresses me and gives me a deep pain in my stomach, as I have a...
More About: Nielsen

The Heady Pepper!
2007-09-25 21:13:00
Rub My chicken, formerly Collective Kitchen is now called The Heady Pepper !

What's different from one year ago?
2007-09-21 23:00:00
NEW YORK EATS BREAD AGAIN!!!It seems as if the curse of the carbs had been lifted. I didn't see one "Lo-Carb" sign. I can't help but assume that the "0 trans fats" sign has replaced the "lo-carb" sign in the windows of New York's dining establishments. Bloomberg shot Atkins out of the water. So now what do we do with Splenda?
More About: Year , Diff

Why I love New York
2007-09-11 03:35:00
[picture to be inserted later].Too many reasons and too tired to write them now. Food is the main one. Home. People. Will update later. It's so good to be home.
More About: Love , New York , York , I Love New York , New-York

Do you have anything bigger and...shorter?
2007-09-03 20:16:00
All I wanted was a white T-shirt with a V-neck. I know why I don't have any white T-shirts that are not gray by now from age. It's because when I go for new ones they are either so form fitting that I need to suck every bit of flesh and air in or I can't find the right V-neck. A round neck would be fine, but I can't seem to find one that doesn't choke me. OK I'm a bit challenged in the neck length arena so I need something that provides the illusion of a neck.The belly I'm trying to reduce is a result of emotional eating and a summer, which lacked much activity beyond thinking about food. Nothing to do about the neck. I was born with that.The other problem with the tight-ass form fitting shirt made for a bean pole Scandinavian or a Stanley Kawalski wannabe is that it accentuates my broad shoulders and, if I didn't have the abdominal pouch I could be one of the Kawalskis. Only thing is I was granted this little Jewish ass and legs. I'm a cartoon sailor. Not a V shape, but...

Say no to CRACK!
2007-08-30 20:57:00
The love affair is over. It's been cracked. Irreparable damage. When I received the above DVD in the mail from LoveFilm.dk after a series of damaged films, I decided to call it quits. Fool me once and you're the ....um...company that keeps sending me defective movies. Anyway this thing was cracked from one side to the other. It was the Bille August film Return to Sender (awful title), which I really enjoyed. I actually think it was called Convicted in the US. A little better.Although I previously posted about my level of irritation with Dancer in the Dark, that film's execution scene really got under my skin. Far more than Bille August's opening scene of Return to Sender. I don't want to give anymore away, but the emotions and fears were handled more effectively in Von Trier's film. Perhaps both just as real, but the intensity was felt more [by me] from Bjork's character.Anyway I love anything that Connie Nielsen is in. Except of course cracked DVDs.
More About: Crack

What the?
2007-08-26 23:59:00
I'm baffled by what I'm seeing. Dancer in the Dark? Script in the dark? I've never had such a strong desire to throw something at a television like I do now. OK, granted I gave a semi-serious review of Scott Baio, 45 and Single, but that is what it is. Dancer in the Dark is a tedious, uninformed, absurd, embarrassing, manipulative and ... what else can I say. It's as if a bunch of pretentious teenagers got high and made it up as they went along.***sometime later***OK, actually the courtroom scene with Joel Grey made up for a bit.

WHOA!
2007-08-24 01:15:00
There was absolutely no alteration to the color of this photo. The sky was this color. Something wicked this way comes? Or sepia X-ray dye is being injected into the clouds. Is it pink?
More About: Whoa

What a sky
2007-08-20 21:10:00
actual sky about 20 minutes agoOK there is a scheduled power outage in 45 minutes so I need to wrap this up quickly. Or slowly depending on how fast and just what I would like to write about. It's up in the air.It's raining. Not a biblical rain at the moment, but the sky is a lovely Armageddon hematoma. Mild thunder, bolts of lightning and if I open my left ear - what's hearing is more acute then that of my right ear - I can hear the faint sounds of a wolf trying to locate it's pack.Now the thunder begins to really whack the shit out of the sky here in the land of Thor. The lightning pierces my retina and the rain is pounding onto the skylight upstairs.Hold me? Kidding.Looks like rain is in the forecast indefinitely. When it rains here it means that it's cold and windy. Not like New York where you can have heavy rains and watch the steam rise from the pavement. I suspect the summer is over until maybe late September. Then it might reappear for an extended engagement.Maybe I'l...

T-shirt day
2007-08-09 20:35:00
Here we are. I finally got my ass into the Wednesday market. The rainy stormy forecast turned out warm and sunny. I got a couple of nods and sold one T-shirt for 250kr. That's roughly $46. That pretty much paid for all the recycled merchandise, but didn't cover other expenses like materials, fee for the space, shwarma, ice cream, mobile clothes-hanging rack and ... I think that covers it. So I'll try again next Wednesday. The expenses are all paid, except for next Wednesday's fee, which is 100kr or $18.I got the feeling that people generally were there for the usual goods like tchotchkes, old toys and videos, knit sweaters that are generally scoffed at for the price, but they buy them anyway because that's just what you do. There is an appreciation for hand made knit sweaters and scarves because everyone's grandmother's grandmother knits. They get competitive. They say, "that's too expensive. I can knit that" and the response might either be, "so go home and knit it" or th...
More About: Shirt , T-Shirt

Super
2007-08-06 18:47:00
I heard a cricket snoring.Intense painting on T-shirts for Wednesday's - will be - rainy market. It doens't deter my pace probably because there is a strong chance of rain. If I knew it would be a sunny day I might put it off for a while.Look up self defeat in the dictionary and you'll find me there. Amidst the self, layered and cramped like an onion in placenta."I'm gonna get you muthafuckah", I said to the big, juicy fly who landed on my desk. He gave a heil hitler salute and circled clumsily away. He turned and laughed and mocked my czech beer. I said "Fuck off fly".I'm 23. Tomorrow I turn 37.
More About: Super

My new gym
2007-08-05 19:26:00
the funny thing about my new gym..well...for one thing -No lockers yet. The changing room consists of a "cozy" 2 stall shower. A bit strange for such a small town. Maybe not. There's no partition, which is normal, but the 2 at a time thing is a bit amusing.Open house. Saturday was the grand opening, which welcomed new members from 9am with bottles of wine, chips and cheese. Perhaps it was for the art on the walls. 9am. Fitness club. Drunk people. Exercise. On one hand I would say, "my kind of gym". On the other hand I feel a bit uneasy. I guess the way I would feel walking into a Doctor's office to find the Dr. smoking a cigarette.

Monday morning fever
2007-07-30 22:20:00
It's been a struggle. I've never "gardened" in my life. Now I find myself trimming hedges, mowing lawn, weeding, digging, raking and most of all sneezing. Benadryl works to fight the symptoms, but renders me useless. As I am one of those people who suffers paragraph III - the rarest side effects - of every drug I try, I best take it while not operating a machine that can trim hedges as well as maim humans.I never in my life thought I'd use something called a hoe.At the start of Spring I was excited. I bought packets of herbs and seeds for chili peppers, tomato plants, strawberry plants and more. I dreamed of picking my own basil, using my own, home grown ripe red tomatoes for sauces, salads and stews. Somehow my periphery of the rest of the colossal yard failed me.We're enjoying the freshest, sweetest zucchini, green tomatoes that have turned out just fine for verde sauce, and a few minor herbs that have come up, but the edible garden is not what I expected. It's an uneven ...
More About: Morning , Monday , Fever , Monday Morning

I STILL HATE the swim hall
2007-07-30 21:59:00
Anarchy in the shallow end. I still hate the swim hall. It's bad enough that wild children randomly jump in the pool without looking, smacking and splashing into the water, but grownups violently kick their flipper covered feet without looking behind them.Large floats capsize at any given moment giving the water a constant agitating current. Kids have throwing contests - small and large plastic balls - with their PARENTS. No regard for people who wind up in the cross fire. I get smacked in the nose. My daughter in her cheek. We have one boy removed from the pool, and his ball is confiscated.And the noise. The shrieking. The belly flopping smack of pre-adolescents hitting the water or those devil balls stinging the flesh of other "swimmers".Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water.
More About: Hate , Swim , Hall

Cheney temporarily in power
2007-07-21 16:10:00
I would say god help us while Dick Cheney is temporarily granted presidential power while George W Bush is undergoing a colonoscopy, but seeing how the president has had his head up his ass since he's been in office, I see no reason to be worried about a little hose with a camera on it's end.
More About: Power , Temp

Starting over
2007-07-13 13:11:00
.........

Memorial Day, 1983
2007-05-23 23:06:00
In 1983, one month after my bar mitzvah I went to see Twilight Zone, the movie. In 1982 I learned about decapitation. My brother taught me about beheading and guillotines from his history classes, French revolution studies and such. Decapitation was a word I had not heard before. I had to break it down. De (remove) cap (head) i (me?) and tation or tate. Jessica Tate? I got lost. I found myself in a place…Not only of sight and sound, but of mind… Vic Morrow got decapitated on July 23rd 1982. The imagery stuck with me far longer than the movie did. On May 28th 1983 while croaking my haftorah in front of 283 people, the image of a helicopter blade replaced Zechariah’s prophecy. My pubescent crackling sounded the tropes and my superb bar mitzvah training (thanks dad) allowed me to chant the verses mechanically while I thought about Vic Morrow’s head, among other things. I thought about the pain in my big toe, my cousins that flew in from Texas, the breasts on one of t...
More About: Memorial Day , Memoria , Memorial , Memo , Rial

Tulipanfest with good sync
2007-05-22 15:06:00
Alrighty. For those of you who are not sick to death of the tulipfest video - here's a version without sync problems - Ribe Tulipanfestfor the full experience go to Collective Heartburn
More About: Good , Sync

The Ribe Tulipanfest (re-cut)
2007-05-21 07:16:00
Study of Danish drin....uhh...I mean culture!for the full experience go to Collective Heartburn