Collective Heartburn

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Of Course!!!
2008-05-29 23:43:00
I knew it! Stonehenge was used as burial grounds. Read more..

Eurovision 2008
2008-05-25 16:31:00
For the past 6 years or so that I've been in Denmark I have grown more and more enthusiastic about the Eurovision song contest in which contestants from all across the continent and a little further compete for the title of best song. I don't know if it's because of the ostentatious costumes and sets or the spectacle of people with questionable talent performing the most awful, the most cheesy, pop candy, gooey, loud songs ever created!! Or might it be over the top theatrics or the gyrating dancers bouncing from one end of the stage to the other like wasps chasing and retreating, soaring and falling, tumbling and...skating?It's a contest in which citizens of countries vote via SMS on the acts that are the flashiest, most erratic on stage or the most ...naked. I think that there have been exceptions in the past when performers won based on shear talent for song. But this contest is much, MUCH more than just musical talent. This is a war between the most costumed and made up and t...
More About: Eurovision 2008 , 2008

Mary, Marie quite....not so contrary
2008-05-25 13:30:00
When I flipped on the news the other day I was shocked to see Crown Princess Mary kissing the brother of the future king! Little Joachim in a passionate embrace with Ma...wait a second...Marie ! Not Mary! This was not Princess Mary, but Marie Cavallier of France. I was relieved yet a trace of confusion lingered a bit even after I realized this was not the Crown Princess. The resemblance is just weird.Marie Cavallier (left), Mary Donaldson (right) - Cavallier is a shade or two darker, but otherwise...
More About: Contrary

Post diner food coma
2008-05-21 15:30:00
It seems that just about everyone over the age of 50 is on some kind of medicine for high blood pressure where I come from. That would be Merrick, Long Island. In my recent visit home something happened that made me a little nervous, but later made sense. After eating in one of the numerous diners I became lethargic, suffered severe dry mouth and blurred vision. After ruling out diabetes it dawned on me - the food I ate was some of the saltiest and fattiest food on the Planet.The American diner is not a heart healthy institution, but it spots America more than the Evergreen. From train car nostalgia to Greek and Polish diners you can get staple plates like Cheeseburgers and fries, American cheese omelets, pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches. Depending on where in America you are you'll find local specialties like scrapple and cheese steaks in Philly or biscuits and gravy throughout the South.Don't get me wrong. I love diners, but I guess I've been away long enough to have lowe...
More About: Food , Post

Oy!
2008-04-25 09:50:00
The previous post was a result of BWI. Clearly BWI. What nonsense! It was fun though. Especially the part with winning at pool and eating cold pizza at 2:20.Happy Friday everyone. It's all about David Bowie today. Not David Hasselhoff!

They just keep swimming over the foamy tide
2008-04-25 02:58:00
Ok it's not often you get me like this. Drunk and easy, but here goes.I had a nervous feeling somewhere between the troff and home. Was it the notion that the finest dining in Ribe, the town where I live has a troff for a urinal not unlike the basins of the local cow field where the bovine replenish?Was it the fact that the piece that covered the chain of my bicycle snapped into two?Was it the realization that no matter what I do, Ann Coulter will still try and trick people into believing that she genuinely supports Hillary Clinton?Is it the feeling that I am not alone in the universe beyond Greg Brady's UFo with his covered up white head - the Carl Sagan universe robust with life forms beyond my perception, only characterized in science fiction tales of the absurd to the seriously considered in... The Twilight Zone???What I'm getting at might not go farther than a mocrowavable burger in a local kiosk. But what it might mean for us is that - this burger, which may or may not cons...
More About: Swimming , Tide

Land of the free, home of the insane hypocrites
2008-04-22 12:18:00
Yes. That's right. Think about this:Barack Obama is being attacked for statements regarding gun toting Christ mongers. Why? Because despite the questionable values of rednecks and their (in some instances) all too ready to pull the trigger mentality - these rednecks are Americans after all. So when you think about running for president, god strike you down with a fiery cross if you dare speak your mind.Now lets look at homosexuals - Gay Americans have not only been psychologically bashed (and in many cases physically bashed) by the Christian right and other homophobes, But they have also been denied equal rights as straight Americans. Our political leaders have not only had harsh words against gay Americans, but they have set legal limits to an institution that all Americans and everyone else in the world should have a right to - MARRIAGE! Our president, George W. Bush attempted to amend the constitution limiting the rights to straight couples only. Banning same sex couples from th...
More About: Insane , Home , Free , Land , Hypocrites

Ziesen Pesach
2008-04-19 20:11:00
Another day arrives and I forget the Paschal lamb. I'm not referring to Jesus or the day that Christians turned the events surrounding a seder into what we today call Easter. I'm talking about Passover. For those of you who might take for granted that your friends and neighbors might have a few Jews thrown into the mix then think about this - My neighbors have no idea what Passover is. Even though the holiday of Easter is called Paaske in Danish, which I believe is linked to the Paschal lamb, they have no connection to anything Jewish."Why is this night different from all other nights"? My neighbors might say, "Because on this night the sun falls below the horizon two minutes later than it did the night before". Or the fact that yesterday was a holiday called Store Bededag (Great Prayer Day), which was invented in the 1600s in order to consolidate some minor Christian holidays. I'm also wondering if it wasn't designed as another way to disassociate Christianity with it's Jewish...
More About: Pesach

Self Awareness Epiphany
2008-04-15 15:34:00
Hi. Allow me to introduce myself. I am a product of mass media. Just yesterday I was a regular guy with a creative side and a quick wit with all my left field references based on stuff very few people remember or thought they'd forgotten. I pull things from episodes of series' I might have seen once back in the 70s. This does not make me some kind of savant. If there's such a thing as having a mind too open, I believe I have it.I used to think it was a strength to be able to consider and agree with aspects of both sides of any given argument or cause. I consider myself liberal and super aware of the sadistic wrong doings of my own government that many people just see as a way of life. The way corporations manipulate products, the economy, medicine and even our idea of politicians. Aside from branding of products and the scary impact and cross pollination of "health" and "happiness" based on said product, our very waking thoughts are 9 times out of 10 predetermined by corporate s...
More About: Awareness , Epiphany

This "little" light O mine.
2008-04-14 22:50:00
A significant event, which has finally prompted me to make mention in this journal of mine, is the head bump into the giant lamp that hovers over the dining table. This is a recurring event and usually takes place when I'm serving a meal. It's diameter spans about your average car tire. It's some kind of metal and it's a Danish designer piece.Like some other forms of Danish design, this lamp pisses me off. Unlike many of the designer lamps I've seen - this one casts light. It has 5 bulb fixtures and casts a potential of 340 watts. The light brilliantly casts onto the table without blinding people around it because of the distance between the lamp and the table. See..that's just the thing. This lovely masterpiece of lighting is too damn close to the board. You lean over and you hit your head if you're standing and placing things onto the table.If it's not one thing...Other designer lamps here might be giant cake like figures or overgrown origami or intricately cut in order to...
More About: Mine , Light

Thought on global warming
2008-04-11 14:12:00
OK I'm not up on my scientific knowledge about global warming and melting ice caps, but I've been reading about glaciers melting at a rapid pace. It makes me think of the times when I defrosted my freezer. The ice would seem impossibly far from melting. I'd allow it to sit and attend to other things. After several hours I'd hear some dripping. Always as the ice patches got smaller the dripping would be more rapid and eventually sound like a hail storm. It made sense to me that as a mass of ice gets smaller, the faster it melts. Less cold mass. Expose it to heat and it'll melt faster, but as it shrinks it becomes a speed race.I have no idea what I'm getting at. Just a thought. Nothing to defend or negate melting glaciers and global warming. Just wonder how they're going to close the freezer again.
More About: Global Warming , Global , Thought

APRIL FOOLS?
2008-04-02 06:38:00
So ...um...I'm wondering if any of you got my April Fools joke. The one in which I changed the theme of this blog and the title? "Random Acts of Bondage" it was called. With the "flaccid manskank" post? Ok, ok for those of you that missed out here was the top banner for yesterday instead of the Ripenser (inhabitants of Ribe) enjoying their ribs.

Submit you flaccid manskank!
2008-04-01 11:40:00
"Hit me" raven said and not another word. His cheek began to swell as Tweety swung at it with the heel of her steel toed boot."You're a failure!!! You little scumbag, I HATE you!", shouted Tweety."YES", cried Raven..."AGAIN"!!!"SHUT UP", she yelled as she yanked his rubber vest off of his hairy, bare chest.
More About: Submit

Portions
2008-04-01 07:06:00
exaggerated portionThis post is inspired by Laura Stadler-Jensen's "What's New in Denmark" piece. She mentions the fact that Danes can't wait to start eating ice cream. As soon as the season approaches everyone gets a cone. I used to work in Fields and I'd watch people go back and forth with overflowing cones of white, brown, pink and goo.When I go for a bagel in Denmark (none where I live) I get a thin smear on one side. I have to request 2 generous smears, both sides. Otherwise they carefully put as little cream cheese as humanly possible on one side hoping that the creme fraiche makes up for the dryness. But I'm a New Yorker and like my bagels generously smeared on both sides with lox and red onion. That's me. They approach the neatly sliced bagel with the precision of a sushi chef who barely touches the block on which he/she is slicing fish. The spreading knife barely touches the bagel side. It's almost like magic how the translucent white layer of cream cheese just appea...

Who's got glue thinner?
2008-03-26 14:39:00
I'm going through a phase. I hope it's a phase. I notice other people's frequency of Internet usage judging by their web presence. I gauge the frequency of people's status updates, twitter updates, response times, etc. I can say I'm not the only one. But maybe they're just better at multi tasking. Maybe they are at work while futzing around online. I'm between Facebook, nytimes, cnn, foxnews, yahoo, salon....and more (I like to get all kinds of angles). Google! Thinking of random people. Anyone from day camp when I was 8 to old classmates, neighbors, forgotten celebrities, back stories, authors, herbs, spices, food origins...and on and on.I cannot get my ASS off this chair. Please help me. Please!? I need a way to remove myself from here to go out there. In 14 minutes I should go and retrieve my two daughters from their respective daycare institutions. That means that from around 9:15 am to around now I have done absolutely NOTHING!!!!Is it because I'm just warming up? After...

35 years of experience and Obama's free jazz
2008-03-25 21:23:00
Former first lady, Nancy Reagan is endorsing John McCain for his bid for president. With all the weight Ms. Reagan pulls in the Republican party for her contributions to her husbands presidency, it should sway many skeptical conservatives into supporting McCain.After all - Ms. Reagan was responsible for the collapse of the Berlin Wall thus ending the Cold War as well as singlehandedly conquering America's drug problem. Just say no!Like Nancy Reagan, Senator Hillary Clinton took on some pretty hefty responsibilities while in office (or down the hall). She dodged sniper bullets in Bosnia, negotiated peace talks across the world, provided health care for millions of babies, painted the oval office, took part in covert CIA missions as both coordinator and field agent, balanced the budget, removed tough stains, led her husband's secret service team and helped Dorothy return safely to Kansas.I'll be the first one to admit that I might have embellished on a résumé at one time or anot...
More About: Jazz , Free , Experience , Years , Free Jazz

Eliot Spitzer: Client 9
2008-03-11 15:07:00
Will client 9 please stand up and approach the bed. They gave John Edwards shit about a $400 trim, which contradicted his views on poverty in America. All the while Eliot Spitzer was getting $5000 trim from an organization that the Governor spent a good part of a career busting the likes of.What is it with these politicians and deviant sex? Speaking of which...Has anyone seen the Barack Obama video footage in which he explains he is not running for vice president? Well call me crazy, but isn't that Monica Lewinsky in the front row? I'm wondering is she's applying early for a White House internship. Only if Obama is headlining though. Then he ought to curb the "yes we cans". Headlining:).But seriously folks. Why is this so common in politics. I've heard the most common psychological explanations like people in positions of power sooner or later feel invincible. There are people who fiercely protest the things they want the most. All those anti gay republicans caught having sex...
More About: Eliot Spitzer , Client

Just what we need
2008-03-10 23:32:00
Hey sorry folks. This quote changes and I didn't realize it did that on a "grab". SO here's the image that should stick here...Yes more young people with guns. What ever happened to young Timmy getting his first rifle at the age of 12?? Ahh the fun my cousin in Texas had when he shot me in the foot with his pellet gun. Those were the days. Nowadays you get them bleeding hearts talking about gun control and psychiatric testing!!! HOGWASH!!! Well I won't be surprised when those days come back. Get em young, get em armed! President Bush made one more veto to bring the good ol US of A closer to a dictatorship. The country is closer to recession and you know how much fun the youngins have playing war while a real war is going on. Why not let the kids play with guns...little bro get to be the Al Quada while big bro gets to be the all American soldier. Little sis stays in and helps ma make the pie. Foxnews plays in the background while Tommy gets his leg bandaged from bein' accidental...

New York Times video
2008-03-09 19:39:00
This video is a reminder of what many of us don't think of when hearing the words "holocaust survivor".
More About: Video , New York , York , New York Times , Times

Another Jesus holiday and Q+A
2008-03-06 09:51:00
How exciting. I just received my first ever visit from Jehova's witnesses! Two very well dressed elderly gentlemen invited themselves into my home to talk about "god" with me and to invite me to an Easter event on the date shown in the flier above. First a party at the bank and now this!!! Who said this town is short of activity???I wonder if I can bring a box of matzoh? I told the guys I'm Jewish and they looked puzzled, but invited me anyway. They had that --we haven't seen your kind round these here parts since the 1940s -- look. The topic comes up from time to time and people are usually confused. Or they look confused, but they know what one is. A Jew that is.Last night I gave a presentation to an English language class. Danish people mostly over the age of 65. The teacher (my friend Martin) prepared them with a little background info about me including the fact that I'm Jewish. They had some questions prepared.Q: what is the difference between regular Jews and religious ...
More About: Jesus , Holiday

Comedy = Life?
2008-03-04 10:52:00
I've been following some of the SNL sketches lately of the democratic debates, which aren't a huge stretch from the truth. I found this excerpt from todays nytimes.com article:"The day was the latest installment in the riveting drama between two formidable, historic candidates: the first woman to be a serious contender for president and the charismatic young black man who has packed arenas across the country and overtaken Mrs. Clinton in many polls and the delegate count."I'm wondering if they couldn't find any adjectives to describe Senator Clinton or they got caught up in Obama reverie. Is a woman just a woman and all descriptions are just understood? I think it's really hilarious. Not that I want to switch candidates at this juncture, but I'm beginning to question the fairness of popular opinion based on charisma. I'm not a fan of Hillary's tactics nor to I approve of her fear campaigning, which is not unlike what the republicans have given us the last several years. But ...
More About: Comedy , Life

Evidence of weird climate changes and my portfolio case.
2008-03-03 20:53:00
Exhibit A: First let's take this traffic circle. Hard to see, but there are yellow flowers covering the top of the mound. Thing is they started to sprout up early February. Now this is Denmark. I don't think, in the years that I've lived here, I've seen this before. This early.Exhibit B: The leaves on these hedges have been stuck to the branches all winter long. Last winter the fuckers were bare. Now that Spring is approaching the leaves never had a chance to fall. Does this mean that the new leaves will force the parched ones out? By the time Spring began last year there were no attached leaves and certainly not many traces of fresh flowers sprouting above traffic circles.This is my portfolio case. It's the morning of my job interview at Blend in Vejle. It makes for a nice portable coffee table. I made it out of a fence my neighbor gave to me in pieces.Open case.
More About: Weird , Portfolio , Evidence , Climate , Case

boring
2008-02-22 09:41:00
Wow! I've been invited to a party at my bank! Or something. With Beer, wine and "hyggemusik" (cozy music). RSVP is 3 March. It could be my big chance to get to their safe! Drunk bank people. When a party at a bank becomes the highlight of my month ...there's something not right in the State of Denmark.
More About: Boring

Fires everywhere
2008-02-18 18:15:00
Noerrebro is on fire again. I think Jylland's Posten re-published the infamous prophet drawings? That's just crazy. What's also crazy is setting your neighbor's cars, garbage containers and schools on fire. Wouldn't it make more sense to light Jylland's Posten on fire?:) Or take it up with them in a peaceful protest, talk to other media and demand an apology? I wonder what I would do if the newspaper published anti Jewish propaganda like it did in the 1930s and 40s or published a drawing of Yaweh. Would I light cars on fire? Probably not. I'm sure there might exist the possibility that a handful of Jewish kids might take it up with the neighbors though. Oh wait. I'm the only Jewish kid around here. There might be a few in Copenhagen. What a weird reaction. It's like if someone calls you a name and you shoot that person in the foot. Punishment:crime. Thuggish move.In other politics I'm afraid the republicans have a fucked up yet clever little strategy up their sleeves. You...
More About: Fires

Senator Obama - There is help!
2008-02-15 10:14:00
The republicans are having a field day with this image. Barack Obama is not placing his hand over his heart - a patriotic tradition - like the others on the platform. The mystery here is that Senator Obama does it sometimes. He says the pledge or sings the National Anthem, hand on heart just like any good ol boy American. But sometimes he doesn't. So why is he not doing it here? Does he forget? Is it because he's in front and he can't see that the others are doing it? NO!I'll tell you why. The Senator suffers from what many of us men suffer from. Spontaneous Erection Disorder or S.E.D. The candidate would rather seem unpatriotic than to share with the world that even he, a bright young presidential hopeful gets monster hard-ons at the most inopportune moments.I suffered all through school and through my adult life too. Especially on trains and buses where the vibrations are just way too much to handle. In Synagogue and yes...sadly, at funerals too. S.E.D. strikes us when we leas...

Happy Valentine's Day!
2008-02-14 22:09:00
Cilantro martini with floating chili pepper, fresh cilantro, lime and a splash tobasco.
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If I were a Scientologist like Tom Cruise
2008-02-11 22:35:00
You might have to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music to hear the video
More About: Tom Cruise , Cruise , Scientologist

quirks
2008-02-11 18:48:00
Who doesn't have them. We all talk to ourselves from time to time, but who raps to himself or tells herself a bedtime story. Not that I do. Well I might go into human beat box or conjure up a tale before bed that only I can hear, but what else? Plenty of us sniff ourselves. We all have eating quirks. Yesterday I sprayed a large spider with spray mount glue. Just now I threw a pair of underwear into the furnace. It had holes! Earlier I made room for a carton of eggs in the fridge. Strange? I moved aside a container of heavy cream dated November 2007 to make room. I didn't throw it away. I just moved it over. I know I'm not the only one. There is at least one other person in this household who has been shifting the same container of cream from side to side for over 3 months now.Please share something. This is my message to other life forms that you are not alone. Do you check that mail slot 4 times? Do you check all the toilets before guests arrive to make sure that they are flus...

Yes it has
2008-02-09 09:23:00
It's been a while. The haircut took place a couple of months ago. I learned the difference between a 200 kroner ($40) and a 300 kroner ($60) haircut. For 200 you get to sit in a chair and have someone chop the shit out of your dry hair and have the hair grow back in 2 weeks looking like sex head no matter what. For 300 you get a chair that gives you a massage and real fingers to massage your weary scalp. This alone makes up for what the "stylist" lacks.My friend Heather used to cut my hair. I think she normally charged a butt load, but I gave her a couple of paintings. A couple of months ago Heather told me to go in and see if they had a razor and to only let them use that. No scissors. A real yank job. I didn't listen. Now my hair, within a few weeks has become a cross between Tom Petty and Javier Bardem's Anton Chighur.I'm afflicted with a large face that benefits from some length. I have this extraordinarily thick hair except for the line where my forehead begins. I was rece...

Keep it on Earth please
2008-01-23 13:29:00
This is disturbing me a bit. One of the more liberal candidates here, up in the clouds right up there with a divine so and so and a bit of text in quotes reminiscent of a bible passage on one of those evangelical websites. This is the strongest visual example of churchiness I've seen amongst any of the candidates, but the message is loud and clear amongst the front runners of both parties.One of the things (among other things) I find least appealing about returning to the U.S. is the striking emphasis on faith in politics. The American people expect it from their politicians. They expect the people who represent them to reflect their own beliefs and to stand up and prove it time and again. Who can mention "god" more times?Below are the top examples of a Barack Obama defense page against those nasty "rumors" people have been spreading about the Senator's faith. I received an E-mail from John Kerry about the "swiftboating" people have been practicing against Obama's character.--BAR...
More About: Earth