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Jamie Pressly - Southern Fried Hottie
2008-01-10 13:17:00
Jamie Pressly hasn't accumulated a great body of work, but she does have a great body. She is mostly know for her earlier work in Playboy and now in "My Name is Earl". She had a role in the straight-to-DVD release of "Dead or Alive (DOA)" the movie, based on the video game. This isn't a great flic, but there is enough plot to keep you going between the Kung-fu fighting and volleyball scenes. If women kung-fu fighting and playing volleyball in bikinis is your thing, this movie won't gather dust on your DVD shelf ... but I digress ...Jamie Pressly is so southern I bet she tastes like fried chicken. I would like to order up a 4 piece breast and thigh pack, roll her in a secret blend of 16 herbs and spices and show her how the Colonel makes his secret gravy. Side of mashed potatoes with that?Anyone else getting hungry?
More About: Hottie , Southern , Fried , Jamie , Jamie Pressly

Jennifer Love Hewitt is killing me on the inside
2008-01-10 01:54:00
I swore to myself that the last time I blogged Jennifer Love Hewitt would be the last time! Then she has to go out and put on a dress and clean up all nice and go out looking like this. Now I have to say she is hot again. If I flip-flop any more on my position about Jennifer Love Hewitt, I could run for President!I really have nothing more to say on this topic, so:A woman walks into a store with her two kids, ages 7 and 9.Clerk: "Are they twins?"Woman: "No. Do they look like twins?"Clerk: "No, but you're so ugly, I can't believe you had sex twice!"
More About: Inside , Killing

Pamela Anderson is "The Divorcer"
2008-01-08 12:24:00
Looks like Pamela Anderson is getting divorced for the 3rd time. It’s really too bad that she has not been able to find the right man, but it’s her own fault for never coming to my house!I would have definitely gone in for the buy on the 1994 model Pamela Anderson, and I probably would have even gone in on a long-term lease with an option on the 2002 Pamela Anderson. But, the 2008 model Pamela Anderson has a lot of miles on it, the body has been patched and painted a bunch of times, and it’s just not the performance vehicle that it was 10 years ago.Sorry about the used car analogy. I was trying to work out something with a circus, but I get turned on thinking about clowns and just spent an erotic hour with my Vaseline and an over-sized shoe.

Britney Spears is not OK
2008-01-07 12:30:00
Everyone else is reporting on Britney Spears these days, and being the bandwagon jumper I am, I am jumping on the bandwagon.Seems Britney was not on drugs as everyone (including myself) was speculating, but actually had some sort of breakdown. No doubt Britney’s breakdown comes from having way too much money and fame for someone of her talent. When you build that kind of house of cards, it will eventually crash down around you.I know mental disease is not funny, but for some reason I can’t help laughing my ass off.

Kim Kardashian Soul Merchant
2008-01-07 11:00:00
So, the New Orleans Saints didn’t make the NFL playoffs this year. Reggie Bush was injured the last few weeks, and his play has gone downhill compared to last year, and he is dating Kim Kardashian .Seems to me that Kim Kardashian’s ass may be some sort of talent sucking vortex swallowing men up whole. I mean no one has ever heard of Damon Thomas or Ray J since she dated them. I am not saying that Kim Kardashian is a Succubus*, just that she may be some sort of mythological creature that seduces men and drains them of their vital energies, talents and skills.* Succubus – a mythological creature that seduces men and drains them of their vital energies, talents and skills.
More About: Soul , Merchant

Cindy Margolis - the most forgotten woman on the Internet
2008-01-05 05:19:00
Cindy Margolis was a star in the early days of the Internet . She was named Yahoo! Internet Life magazine's "Queen of the Internet" from 1996-1999. She was also included in the 2000 Guinness Book of World Records as the "most downloaded" person in 1999 – a statistic that has no way of being measured (Guinness also list me as the "Worlds Manliest Human" from 1997 to 2008). A few months back I saw Cindy Margolis on some TV game show called "Identity" (with Penn Jillette) around the time of her Playboy cover and pictorial. But it seems that Cindy, "Identity" and Penn Jillette have once again slipped from societies view. Wow, talk about a blast from the past! Cindy Margolis. Sure it may be a past that is less than 10 years old, but with the amount of TV, internet, Twinkies and Johnnie Walker Red I ingest in a day, it's lucky that I remember how to use a toothbrush - and considering where I found my toothbrush this morning, I think that last night I didn't remember ... Ouch!
More About: Cindy Margolis , Woman , The Internet , Forgotten

Kelly Brook - Billy Zane got Game!
2008-01-04 11:56:00
Until about 20 minutes ago I had no idea who Kelly Brook was. Actually to be honest I still don't. What I do know is she spent some time wearing a bikini and hanging around with this fat, bald guy who is apparently Billy Zane.Come to think of it, I don't actually know who Billy Zane is (except for his cameo in "Zoolander") but he must be famous. How do I know he is famous? Because I am a fat, bald guy and I don't frolic on the beach with women that look like this! My friends are fat, bald guys and they don't frolic on the beach with women like this.Now, I am not saying that being famous is gonna get you a hot chick, but being famous will get you a hot chick.
More About: Game

Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston Kiss on TV
2008-01-04 02:10:00
Courteney Cox has been a favourite of mine since she showed up on Family Ties in the mid-80's after her breakthrough performance as "surprised girl in crowd" in Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" video.I followed her career until the late 90's. Even though she isn't a classic beauty, there is just enough dirty in her to keep her interesting. When she married that Arquette guy (from the great Arquette/Baldwin acting family) that was the end of my interest, with the exception of her lesbo kiss with Jennifer Aniston on her new show "Dirt" - video below - and her pop-out performance in "The Longest Yard". It was the end of an era I admit, but time to move on to other things. Maybe Marge Simpson can get used to it, but to me it still doesn't feel right: Courteney Cox Arquette.
More About: Kiss , Courteney Cox

Eva Longoria Desperate Height-wise
2008-01-03 11:51:00
I was watching the Lord of the Rings the other day and I thought to myself "My blog really doesn't have enough posts about elves or dwarfs". I was going to post about Liv Tyler, but then settled on Desperate Housewives Eva Longoria ... they should have cast her as the Queen of Rivendell, they wouldn't even need any special effects! Now, I am not saying that Eva Longoria is short, I'm just saying that she is the worlds tallest midget.It sure doesn't help looking short when you marry a 6'2 basketball player. Eva needs a step-stool to check his pockets for spare change. But there are benefits to being that small: put a diaper on her, give her a bottle and she can fly any airline for free - and she would be dressed appropriately for Friday night at my house. I'm not saying that I have a diaper fetish, just that I tend to drink a lot and soil myself.
More About: Wise

Celebrity Bikinis 2007
2008-01-02 21:32:00
What better way to celebrate the New Year than a montage review the bikinis that came before it. Hey, even Rocky had a Montage!Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Pam Anderson and more! Enjoy.
More About: Celebrity , Bikinis

Doing it Bond Style ...
2008-01-02 13:29:00
I've spent the last 48 hours watching a James Bond Marathon, so right now I am bleary eyed, tired and having delusions of invulnerability. For us British guys, James Bond is like Rocky is for Italians. Where is Ernst Stavro Blofeld when you need him?How can you not like James Bond - stone cold killer, ladies man and ripping drunk. Sounds exactly like me ... well, 1 out of 3 ain't bad. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pump Clara the dry-cleaner for her suds-free washing secrets before she holds the world ransom for One Million Dollars!
More About: Style

Year in Review - Pulp Pictures Style
2007-12-31 16:17:00
It has been a big year for the Fab Four (Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie). Between jail, rehab, divorces, pregnancy and whatever else went on ... I don't have the brain capacity to remember all of it AND my own phone number ... I don't know how any of them managed to produce a body of work - as high quality as that work might be.Hopefully for all of them, 2008 is a little kinder. Remember - if you perch yourself on a precarious precipice, the view may be breathtaking but the fall can kill you.Happy New Year everyone!
More About: Pictures , Review , Style , Year in Review

'Twas the Night before Christmas
2007-12-24 11:13:00
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hallsnothing was jinglingnot even my ballsIt has been a dry spellEight months you seesince anyone unwrapped my presentsbut meSo I dialed up Pulp-Picturesgot out the anti-chaff potionhand cream and towelstissues and lotionsWhen out on 5th Streetthere arose such a clatterI stopped mid-stroketo see what was the matterIt was the copsarresting the Johnsthey rounded up the hookersand then they were goneThere was one blind hookerall alone on the cornershe hadn't seen the copsI thought I should warn herWe ran to the alleyto stay out of sightshe wanted to thank meI said "alright"As she was sugaring my plumsShe said "Have you been naughty or nice"I said "I've been naughty"and I unloaded twiceI don't need Santawith his toys and his sackIt's Christmas babyI can pay hookers with crackMerry Chirstmas!
More About: Night , Twas the Night before Christmas

Amy Winehouse is NOT a whore!
2007-12-24 03:08:00
So the other day, I couldn't find my Amy Winehouse CD, so I threw my cat in the blender ... pretty much the same thing. I'm not saying that Amy Winehouse makes bad music, just that people who buy her CDs have bad taste.Everything I read about Amy Winehouse is about her partying, drinking and exposing herself to strangers. Someone explain to me how this is a bad thing? Sure, maybe she used to be hotter, but are you planning to take her home to mom, or squeeze a few rounds from your "Magnum" on a Friday night? I am not saying Amy Winehouse is on crack, but you don't get a body like that from diet and exercise!
More About: Whore

Carmen Electra wishes you a Scary Christmas
2007-12-22 06:57:00
What happened to Carmen Electra ? She used to be so hot that the value of hand cream stock went up when she entered a room. Since I am not the type of guy to make fun of other people, I'll just imagine that Carmen read the invitation wrong and thought this was a "Halloween in December" party. I get it - you are supposed to be Courtney Love! Oooooooo scary!I think it's appropriate that these pics were taken at a Christmas Party sponsored by booze companies. One shot of each of the brands in the first picture and I would think Carmen Electra was pretty hot again. Actually, that much booze and I couldn't tell the difference between Carmen Electra and a phone pole - and I would probably wake up sore and full of splinters from a night of making passionate love to the tree in my front yard.Honestly, that NEVER happened.
More About: Scary , Wishes

Victoria Beckham - Baby it's cold outside
2007-12-22 00:02:00
It is nice that the Christmas season brings out the best in people, especially Victoria Beckham . I'm not saying those are big nipples, but my lactating sheepdog is starting to get jealous.I don't know if there is some extra hardware on there, or if this is some sort of photo magic or an optical illusion, but there are branches on my Christmas tree that don't stick out as far as those. I wouldn't mind taking her home, standing her in a bucket of water, wrapping her in tinsel and hang a couple of balls on her (it is the weekend after all). The only questions is 'wood or plastic'? ... or both!Do my nipples poke through? ... (baby its cold outside)Are they pointing at you? ... (baby its cold outside)these things could cut glass ... (baby it's cold outside)Would you rather look at my ass? ... Baby it's cold outside!
More About: Cold