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Cup holder
2008-02-15 06:51:00
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
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I know this lawyers
2008-02-15 06:50:00
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with any...
More About: Lawyers

Best Known Man In The World
2008-02-15 06:48:00
There was a man named Sulio and Sulio knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Sulio got a new job, Sulio says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Sulio says "Yes I do!" so Sulio's boss says "Well prove it!" then Sulio says "Pick someone... and I know them!"Well Sulio's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Sulio says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" then Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Sulio!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Sulio and Sulio says ...
More About: Fun , World , Stories , Free , The World

Duck hunting
2008-02-15 06:47:00
He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw...
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Nasty Bug
2008-02-15 06:39:00
Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left. The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He expla...
More About: Fun , Stories , Free , Nasty

The Bar Story
2008-02-15 06:36:00
This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." ...
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Somersaulting Coin
2008-02-09 06:53:00
This trick requires a lot of practice before you can perform it effectively. If you are very proficient with this trick, the coin will look as if it is alive. This is also a very good introductory routine before performing other coin conjuring magic. 1. Place a large coin between your index and middle fingers. 2. Raise your index finger to tip the coin to roll over to the space between your middle and ring fingers. 3. Continue to raise your middle finger to tip the coin to roll over to the space between the ring and little fingers. 4. Continue to raise your ring finger and then the little finger tipping the coin to somersault until it drops off your hand. ...
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9 hidden figures
2008-02-07 12:17:00
9 hidden figuresCan you find the 9 hidden figures?
More About: Fun , Optical Illusions , Hidden , Figures

General Interesting Facts
2008-02-07 11:28:00
No piece of normal-size paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. The first product to have a bar code scanned was Wrigley's gum. Earth is the only planet not named after a pagan God. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight. The new 787 Boeing was revealed on 7/8/07 or July 8th, 07. Every day is about 55 billionths of a second longer than the day before it Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. Footprints of astronauts who landed on the moon should last at least 10 million years since the moon has no atmosphere. The national orchestra of Monaco (a nation in Europe) has more individuals than its army. Earthworms have five hearts The Himalayan gogi berry contains, weight for weight, more iron than steak, more beta carotene than carrots, more vitamin C than oranges. Fingerprints of koalas are similar (in pattern, shape and size) to the fingerprints of humans Genetically-engineered babies were born first in 2001. If an Amish man has a bea...
More About: Information , Interesting , Facts , General

12 Stage of Love
2008-02-07 09:33:00
JANUARY - ROSEFEBRUARY - PROPOSEMARCH - GIFTAPRIL - LIFTMAY - CHATTING JUNE - DATINGJULY - MISS YOU AUGUST - KISS YOUSEPTEMBER - ANGER OCTOBER - DANGERNOVEMBER - LEFT DECEMBER - NEXT
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30 fun things to do while Driving
2008-02-07 09:30:00
1. Vary your vehicle?s speed inversely with the speed limit.2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.4. Two words: Chicken suit.5. Write the words "Help me? on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.8. Stop at the green lights.9. Go at the red ones.10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.11. Eat food that requires silverware.12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.13. Sing without having the radio on.14. Honk frequently without motivation.15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.17. Let pedestrians know who?s boss.18. Look behind you frequently, with ...
More About: Fun , Driving , Things

ABC or Marriage
2008-02-07 09:27:00
A - Absolutely adore each otherB - Be best friends C - CompromiseD - Discover new things together E - Encourage each otherF - Forgive and forget G - Gaze into each others eyesH - Hold hands and hug a lotI - Inspire and intrigue each otherJ - Joke and laugh and have funK - Kiss Kiss Kiss ;-) L - Love with all your heartsM - Marvel at each other's talentsN - Nature each other's soulO - Overcome problem togetherP - Play gamesQ - Quiet each other's fearsR - Remember the little things S - Say "I love you" everydayT - Take time for tendernessU - Understand and care deeplyV - Value everything you shareW - Wish on stars together X - X-press your true feelingsY - Yearn for each other's touchZ - Zzzzz in each other's arm
More About: Marriage

Are You a Real Guy
2008-02-07 09:25:00
Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:Present it to the president of the United States. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?Innocence. Idealism. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.) When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really ...
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Before and After
2008-02-07 09:23:00
Before - You take my breath awayAfter - I feel like I'm suffocating Before - Twice a nightAfter - Twice a month Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac Before - Saturday Night FeverAfter - Monday Night Football Before - Don't stopAfter - Don't start Before - Is that all you're having?After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey Before - It's like I'm living in a dreamAfter - It's like he lives in a dorm Before - TurbochargedAfter - Jump-start Before - We agree on everythingAfter - We can't agree on anything Before - Victoria's SecretAfter - Fruit-of-the-Loom Before - IdolAfter - Idle Before - He's completely lost without meAfter - Why won't he ever ask for directions? Before - Time stood stillAfter - Where did the time go? Before - Croissant and cappuccinoAfter - Bagel and instant Before - I can hardly believe we found each otherAfter - ...
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Beware of girls
2008-02-07 09:18:00
One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 years successfully, doing prayer regularly.Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.Girl: Condition!, what is that?Angel: You have a boy-friend?Girl: Yes.Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn?t know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for th...
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Definitions of common Words
2008-02-07 09:16:00
Atom Bomb: An invention made to end all inventions.Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.Classic: A book which people praises, but do not read.College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip.Divorce: Future tense of marria...
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Excuses Written By Parents
2008-02-07 09:14:00
THE FOLLOWING IS A PARTIAL LIST OF ACTUAL WRITTEN EXCUSES GIVEN TO TEACHERS IN THE ALBUQUERQUE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM BY PARENTS OF STUDENTS:1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him. 9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines. 11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell...
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Female View vs. Male View
2008-02-07 09:11:00
Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder i...
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Funny Definitions
2008-02-07 09:08:00
Beauty Parlor:A place where women curl up and dyeCannibal:Someone who is fed up with peopleDust:Mud with the juice squeezed outEgotist:Someone who is usually me-deep in conversationGossip:A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damageHandkerchief:Cold storageInflation:Cutting money in half without damaging the paperRaisin:Grape with a sunburnTomorrow:One of the greatest labor saving devices of todayMosquito:An insect that makes you like flies betterYawn:An honest opinion openly expressedSecret:Something you tell to one person at a time
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The Power of Three Little Words
2008-02-07 09:06:00
Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other, "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm...
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Think you r clever
2008-02-07 09:03:00
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. You can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil or paper! OK?Let's find out just how smart and clever you really are.Ready? ...GO!!! FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? -------------ANSWER: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? ----------ANSWER: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.Take 1000 and add 40 to it.Now add another 1000.Now add 30.A...
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What The Professor Really Means
2008-02-07 09:01:00
Professor Translation You'll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. I used it as a grad student. If you follow these few simple rules, you'll do fine in the course. If you don't need any sleep, you'll do fine in the course. The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important. I don't understand the details either. Various authorities agree that... My hunch is that... The answer to your question is beyond the scope of this class. I don't know. You'll have to see me during my office hours for a thorough answer to your question. I don't know. In order to answer to your question, you must recognize that there are several disparate points of view. I really don't know. Today we are going to discuss a most important topic. Today we are going to discuss my dissertation. Unfortunately, we haven't the time to consider all of the people who made contributions to this field. I disagree with what roughly half of the people in this field have...
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When will the century end
2008-02-07 08:58:00
There are people going to celebrate the end of the century with a party on 31/12/1999 and others on 31/12/2000. Which is correct? Probably a lot are going to parties on both! In fact any period of 100 years is a century. 1897 to 1996 is a century, and a new century starts on the 1st of January every year. Similarly 1997 to 2996 is a new millennium. But these are not useful, and people have named some decades, centuries and millennia. Strangely, they have named the centuries and millennia differently from the decades.Despite changes in the past our calendar is now calculated from a specific date when something may [or may not have happened]. That date is the 1st of January, year 1: there was no year nought! So the "first" century was years 1 to 100, the second 101 to 200, ... the twentieth century is 1901 to 2000 and the twenty-first century will be 2001 to 2100. Similarly the first millennium was 1 to 1000, the second is 1001 to 2000, and the third will be 2001 to 3000.H...
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Microsoft Contraceptive 98
2008-02-07 08:56:00
Microsoft Contraceptive 98Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of life. The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client / Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups...
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Laws of Computer Programming
2008-02-07 08:54:00
Any given program, when running, is obsolete. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. Any program will expand to fill any available memory. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to maintain it. Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find that programmers cannot write in English. Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in. Weinberg's Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Hoare's Law of Large Programs: Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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Male and Female Showering Habits
2008-02-07 08:51:00
Shower like a woman... Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Sc...
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Top 10 signs your partner needs a vacation
2008-02-07 08:48:00
1) He keeps handcuffing himself by accident. 2) He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 3) He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 4) He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop." 5) He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6) He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 7) He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 8) The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 9) Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 10) He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
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Horoscope Test
2008-02-07 08:42:00
If you are honest this tells the truth - it's pretty good.Write your answers on a piece of paper. No cheatingThe answers are at the bottom of this page.1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?3. Your first initial?4. Your month of birth?5. Which color do you like more, black or white?6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.7. Your favorite number?8. Do you like Sydney or Brisbane more?9. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat)---------------------Answers ....1. You are completely in love with this person.2. If you choose:Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.Black - you are conservative and aggressive.Green - your soul is relaxed and you are laid backBlue - you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.Yellow- you are a very happy person and give good advice ...
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Mind Reader
2008-02-07 08:30:00
Please take this test mentally.Dont write anything down, and dont say any answers out loud. 1) Pick a number from 2-9.It can be 2, 9 or anything inbetween.2) Take that number, and multiply it by 9.3) That should give you a two digit number. Take those two digits and add them together4) Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it5) Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters A=1,B=2,C=3 and so on... 6) Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter7) Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal that starts with this letter8) Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and think of a color that starts with this letter Oh, and just one last thing... There are no ORANGE KANGAROOS in DENMARK!!
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