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Blog Details for "Hardcore Film Maniac"
Hardcore Film ManiacHardcore Film ManiacJoin me as I take you on a ride to the film world - a ride that is shared with people who don't deserve to watch movies and people who deserve to watch great movies. Reviews and editorials will be written by a Hardcore Film Maniac.
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"Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" Review
2008-05-04 04:07:00 Preshow: Before the movie, my dad and I stopped across the street at the Chinese buffet? and holy shit did that food back me up. Enough about that. I don?t think you want me to go into just what happened after that. But then we bought our ticket, walked in, and I? walked in? on a guy? and a girl? yeah, you got the idea. I don?t know if he spunked while they did it, but if he did, it would have been pretty gross, because to make it look good, he started making out with the girl afterwards. I?m not gonna go all ?Clerks II?-?ass to mouth,? but yeah. So I sat in front of them to make sure that they wouldn?t do it again? and I don?t think they did. But the whole theater was open and I just HAD to be a dick.Then the movie begins??Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay ?2008***˝ out of ****Director: Jon Hurwitz, Hayden SchlossbergCast: Kal Penn, John Cho, Rob CorddryWhat are the similarities between Cheech and Chong and Harold and Kumar? They are both stoners, and aren?t the brightest ... More About: Review
"Baby Mama" Review
2008-05-03 03:37:00 Preshow: I got to the cinema an hour early. Yeah, there wasn?t much to do. Actually, I was the only one there aside from the workers. So I took a huge shit, asked if I could get a job there (which there is a possibility, which means more movies and more reviews), and bought four big Rice Krispie bars. After listening to some shitty Hannah Montana and that damn music from ?Juno? at least five times, and previewing little factoids like ?What was George Clooney?s first movie,? those little previews-that-aren?t-exactly-previews began. Then we had shitty real previews for movies like ?The Love Guru,? ?You Don?t Mess With Zohan,? and ?Step Brothers.? The only one that really looked appealing was ?American Teen.? Hell, I can?t wait to see that.Then the movie begins??Baby Mama ?2008**˝ out of ****Director: Michael McCullersCast: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Steve MartinAh, yes. ?Baby Mama .? The film that I considered as ?the comedy by the comedic masterminds.? Or at least it should have been. ?Bab... More About: Review
"Forgetting Sarah Marshall" Review
2008-04-30 22:36:00 ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall?2008*** out of ****Director: Nicholas StollerCast: Jason Segal, Mila Kunis, Kirsten Bell?When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.? ? Paul Rudd, ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall ?Judd Apatow still manages to be taking over the comedic universe. He already released two films so far this year, the first being ?Drillbit Taylor? and the second being ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall.? Before ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall? started, THREE of the five films that were showed previews had Judd Apatow?s name on them somehow (?You Don?t Mess with the Zohan,? ?Step Brothers,? and ?The Pineapple Express?). This guy has to fail sometime? right?More than likely, it will be "Zohan," but it won?t be his entire fault. You do know who else is writing that movie right?Judd Apatow isn?t in the director?s chair for ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall,? nor is he the writer. This time ? he?s just producing. But the film has elements from Apatow flicks that you will find in all o... More About: Review
"Doomsday" Review
2008-04-27 18:03:00 ?Doomsday ?2008*** out of ****Director: Neil MarshallCast: Rhona Mitra, Malcolm McDowell, Bob HoskinsIf I was living in Britain this present day, I think I would have gotten myself a passport and flew myself across the United States to live here by now. Between ?V for Vendetta? and the film that I?m reviewing, England has some serious explaining to do to people who actually believe this stuff. ?Doomsday,? Neil Marshall?s third film, wasn?t originally intended to be seen by my working eyes. Actually, I was planning on seeing ?Stop-Loss? its opening day, but since I couldn?t sneak into that, I walked into this instead. It turns out that I liked this one just a tad bit better than ?Stop-Loss,? and got a lot more than what I expected.What you got to know before watching ?Doomsday? is that it is that you shouldn?t expected seeing a lot of plot here. If you?re going to see this movie at all you shouldn?t even worry about the plot first watch. Neil Marshall?s last film, ?The Descent,? did s... More About: Review
"Funny Games" Review
2008-04-24 00:54:00 "Funny Games "2008**** out of ****Director: Michael HanekeCast: Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael PittAfter being a film critic for about twenty-some months or so, I have realized three things since arriving to the world of movie blogging and bullshitting…1. Everyone on the outside-looking-in hates you. They will disagree with you because instead of watching “Norbit,” a film that made one-hundred million, you watch a film like “Zodiac” that only made thirty-three million. You know better than to trust teenagers when they say that they know movies… well most of them at least (excluding me, of course).2. The public wants to see you humiliated. Not because it would make a good laugh (but you can always take the good laugh into account), but because they simply disagree with you. If you’re not on the bandwagon with the general public, then you are considered an outsider. You are considered as a fucking idiot. And I don’t care WHAT you say, “The Bourne Ultimatum” isn’t ... More About: Review
"Leatherheads" Review
2008-04-23 23:34:00 “Leatherheads ”2008*** out of ****Director: George ClooneyCast: George Clooney, Renee Zellwegger, John Krasinski“Leatherheads” is more than a sports film. It’s quite obvious that George Clooney was inspired by the early screwball comedies such as “It Happened One Night,” “Some Like It Hot,” and “Arsenic and Old Lace.” In “Leatherheads,” he brings screwball to a new level. We meet likeable characters, a little mystery that definitely ties in with the time period, and there are a ton of laughs to go along with the film.In 1925, college football was more popular than pro-football. Dodge Connelly (George Clooney) and Carter Rutherford (John Krasinski) are two guys who both love the sport but want nothing but success for the both of them. Carter plays college and is possibly one of the best players around. Everyone loves him and he is a sponsor for EVERYTHING. And as for Dodge… well… his pro-football team isn’t nearly as a pro-football team should be. Hell,... More About: Review
"88 Minutes" Review
2008-04-23 04:35:00 “88 Minutes ”2007* out of ****Director: Jon AvnetCast: Al Pacino, Alicia Witt, Leelee SobieskiWhile I was in Pittsburgh, my glasses broke. I came home late Sunday night, decided to skip school on Monday due to a bad headache, sore throat, and lack of sleep, and watched a bootleg of “88 Minutes.” Being half-blind, I came to the conclusion that one doesn’t need glasses to see how bad “88 Minutes” really is.It should be no surprise that “88 Minutes” is considered to be one of the worst films EVER according to MetaCritic.com, a site that displays scores from all big time critics. It should also be no surprise that “88 Minutes” was originally a DTV film in Russia, Germany, and Brazil long before it was released in the United States. Though I went into the film completely not knowing of the following, I came out of it with a sore ass and a wasted 108 minutes of my life.Al Pacino plays Dr. Jack Gramm, an FBI agent/college professor. Nine years prior to the day that thi... More About: Review
"Stop-Loss" Review
2008-04-15 03:58:00 ?Stop -Loss ?2008*** out of ****Director: Kimberly PierceCast: Ryan Phillippe, Abbie Cornish, Channing TatumWar movies are nothing what they used to be. In the raging seventies and eighties, films were released that changed wars the way we looked at them. Oliver Stone?s ?Platoon? and Stanley Kubrick?s ?Full Metal Jacket? were two films that displayed the actual horror of wars. Hell, Francis Ford Coppola?s ?Apocalypse Now? took more than three years just to become the perfect war film.But lately, war films have sucked big time. Brian DePalma?s ?Redacted? isn?t nearly as good as it should be. Robert Redford?s ?Lion for Lambs? was boring and stupid. Even Mike Nichols?s flashback to the Cold War with ?Charlie Wilson?s War? could have even used a little bit more work, and I loved that film. It doesn?t look to clear up anytime soon, being that Bryan Singer?s ?Valkyrie? keeps getting pushed back (it may not be true, but I?m starting to think that the film isn?t as good as to what has been pr... More About: Review , Stop-Loss
"Prom Night" Review
2008-04-15 00:30:00 ?Prom Night ?2008* out of ****Director: Nelson McCormickCast: Brittany Snow, Johnathon Schaech, Scott PorterCan anyone else remember when slasher films were as great as they used to be? Ever since ?Scream,? we?ve been missing out on the great slasher films that were brought to us in the 70s and 80s. ?Halloween? has now been replaced with ?Hostel? and ?A Nightmare on Elm Street? has been replaced with ?Saw.? It seems that within every few weeks, there has been a horror remake that has been released into theaters also.The first one of 2008 was ?One Missed Call,? which was one call I gladly missed. The second one was ?The Eye,? and according to many critics, they wished they would have gone blind. The third one, which I really liked, was ?Funny Games,? but then again I love the original and being that it was a shot-by-shot remake, I couldn?t really complain. The fourth one came a week later, which I know nothing about and didn?t even plan on seeing it.And the fifth one is a remake of 19... More About: Review , Prom Night
"21" Review
2008-03-30 06:03:00 ?21?2008***˝ out of ****Director: Robert LuketicCast: Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey, Kate BosworthYou can never go wrong with a movie like ?21.? No matter how bad it is, it will always been enjoyable. If you bring two hundred dollars with you to Vegas to gamble away and come home with nothing, there is a good chance that you will be either depressed or say that you had a fun time. It goes without saying that if you take a trip to Vegas in ?21,? you will either be disappointed or you will have fun. Hell, maybe both.I?d hate to say that ?21? is a perfect movie, because it is the farthest thing from it. Lord knows how biased this review is. My favorite actor of this day of age (Jim Sturgess), the new and improved Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth, one of the greatest actors that are breathing today (Kevin Spacey), and Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) could always get a great kick out of me. Imagine them all in ONE whole movie? It?s like a splitting fucking orgasm!And ?21? is a splitting fucking orgas... More About: Review
"Run Fatboy Run" Review
2008-03-30 05:09:00 "Run Fatboy Run"2007*** out of ****Director: David SchwimmerCast: Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Hank AzariaAfter "Hot Fuzz," I made a promise to myself to see all films starring Simon Pegg in their first week of release. I don't care how bad they were. I wouldn't stop. "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz" were only starters. After "Big Nothing" premiered on DVD back in June, I caught it and enjoyed it just as much as the other two. "Run Fatboy Run" was scheduled to be released later that year, but for some reason unknown to me, it was pushed back from October to the end of March. That's six months folks. Six months without Simon Pegg's comedic genius is like six months without SEX.So how did I keep myself busy for those six months? Well, I watched "Hot Fuzz" and "Shaun of the Dead" numerous times, and I downloaded some episodes of "Spaced" (which begs the question, why in the fucking fucks fuck is it NOT on DVD around here?). I went to a cinema far out of my way yesterday so I can s... More About: Review
"Superhero Movie" Review
2008-03-29 04:07:00 "Superhero Movie "2008* out of ****Director: Craig MazinCast: Drake Bell, Leslie Nielsen, Sara PaxtonRemember when spoof movies were laugh-out-loud funny? Films like "Blazing Saddles," "Spaceballs," and "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" ruled the parody movie circuit, but all of these films were only Mel Brook?s contributions to the genre. For the title of the king was given to no one other than David Zucker, the man that brought comedies such as "Airplane!," "Top Secret," and "The Naked Gun" films.But over the past five years, the king has been thrown off the throne. His last two films, both entries in the money-making "Scary Movie" franchise, have sucked BIG ones, but they were nonetheless popular with audiences. But he has now lost the steam that he once had in the 80s and 90s, by replacing comical jokes with fart and barf jokes and by replacing plot devices with unnecessary pop culture references. (Although this isn?t much of Zucker?s fault. While he only served as producer, writer of ... More About: Movie Review , Review , Superhero Movie
"Horton Hears a Who" Review
2008-03-27 03:11:00 ?Horton Hears a Who?2008*˝ out of ****Director: Jimmy Hayward, Steve MartinoCast: Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Carol BurnettOh god. Memories of my past have come to haunt me. For the past few years, I have been trying to stay the hell away from Dr. Seuss. Back when I was a child, I would always think of that man being the Anti-Christ of children?s books. It doesn?t take a genius to find a word that rhymes with ?hop,? but I guess that if you do find the word, that must mean that you are going to third grade. But I guess anyone can plagiarize off of Theodor Geisel. I wouldn?t be surprised if your favorite rap artists have borrowed a few of his rhymes in at least FIVE of their songs.And what about that Soulja Boy butt-fuck?The newest film made from a Dr. Seuss book is ?Horton Hears a Who.? It is FAR from the worst film, and you can give that award to Mike Myers. But it is far the best. Personally, I wouldn?t make ?Horton Hears a Who? into a film. It isn?t the most memorable one, but I gue... More About: Review
"Never Back Down" Review
2008-03-22 03:27:00 ?Never Back Down?2008***˝ out of ****Director: Jeff WadlowCast: Sean Faris, Amber Heard, Cam GigandetIt should be no secret by now that I am a very cynical man, and a very angry man can only boil himself to a point that he can only take so much until he explodes. By that very description of me, a weakness in film that I have is films that centers on the world of fighting. ?Fight Club? is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I have no regrets. That movie is a fucking classic. I won?t go nearly as far as saying that ?Never Back Down? is a classic, but it will be a guilty pleasure of mine for many of years to come.The movie isn?t perfect. Once you look at the star rating, you?ll think I?m crazy, but really, I?m not. I?m not looking for the plot in ?Never Back Down.? If I was looking for a plot, I would have given the film a BOMB rating and discard it in my memory. I?m not looking for the acting. If I was looking for some good acting, I would walk into ?Funny Games? next door that... More About: Review
"Be Kind Rewind" Review
2008-03-17 04:07:00 ?Be Kind Rewind ?2008**** out of ****Director: Michel GondryCast: Jack Black , Mos Def , Danny GloverDare if I say how much I have a HATE for Michel Gondry. ?The Science of Sheep? made me nothing but mad and ?Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? just be one of the most overrated movies since ?Titanic.? He even made Dave Chappelle look boring, and I?m a lifelong Dave Chappelle fan. But finally, it looks like Michel Gondry has grown a great pair of balls, for not only does he show why we love movies so much, but how loving movies can bring one together.Film critic Tony DeFrancisco approves of that message.?Be Kind Rewind ? takes place in a video store called? umm? Be Kind Rewind. The store is a national landmark in Passaic, New Jersey for it is the place where supposedly jazz musician Fats Waller was born. While owner Mr. Fletcher (Danny Glover) is out of town for a ?memorial of Waller? (which he really is staying in a room across the street from West Coast Video, spying on the owner an... More About: Review
2007 Cleanups: "Atonement" Review
2008-03-14 21:13:00 This review was originally written March 3, 2008, so whether or not if my opinion has changed then, I would have to atone for it? I guess??Atonement ?2007** out of ****Director: Joe WrightCast: Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Saoirse RonanIf ?No Country for Old Men? lost to ?Atonement,? not only would I be infuriated, but I would go next door, knock on my neighbor Joe?s door, and pummel him to ground and fire shots to his face until blood starts pouring out of his head. Then, I would go upstairs, take his son?s iPod, and torture that metal-head by deleting all of his paid Metallica music and purchasing shitty rap songs sung by Ludacris with his iTunes account. Finally, I would walk another house down and get payback from my one neighbor that stole our light-bulb? by stealing his mother?s ashes and spreading them through the bosom of the Pacific Ocean.I wasn?t joking.But thank god that ?No Country for Old Men? won. It was the first time since 2000 when ?American Beauty? took home Best ... More About: Review
"Definitely, Maybe" Review
2008-03-12 03:50:00 ?Definitely, Maybe?2008***˝ out of ****Director: Adam BrooksCast: Ryan Reynolds, Abigail Breslin, Isla FisherAt last, the day has come that I don?t have to criticize a PG-13 romantic comedy for being too cutesy. At last, the day has come that I don?t have to comment on Ryan Reynolds making faces at the camera to get a good laugh. At last, I can finally watch a romantic comedy without saying that I?ve seen this cliché one too many times.At last, I found a good romantic comedy, and it?s PG-13 to boot.?Definitely, Maybe? could be described as a love mystery, a game of Clue?, or a simple case of whodunit, or in this case, whodunhim. But it?s much more than that. See, while we?re watching Ryan Reynolds tell a story about how he came to make Abigail Breslin?s character, we?re not thinking about who is the mother. We?re thinking what is on the mind of young Abigail Breslin, who insists that not only she is a mistake, but we?re looking into her mind to see what she is thinking as to who her... More About: Review
"Semi-Pro" Review
2008-03-12 02:29:00 ?Semi -Pro?2008** out of ****Director: Kent AltermanCast: Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, Andre BenjaminWill Ferrell is slowly becoming unfunny. Yes, it?s true. Don?t worry, he still has the same type of humor that he used to have in films like ?Anchorman? and ?Talladega Nights,? but the comedic element is slowly going to the shitter. I haven?t said this about a Will Ferrell movie since ?Elf? (excluding ?Blades of Glory,? because that wasn?t a Will Ferrell movie? that was a Jon Heder movie). ?Semi-Pro ? is still funny, and I laughed at quite a few scenes, but overall, those few jokes were it. And being that it was written by the same person who wrote ?Old School? and ?Road Trip,? it?s just a failure as far as comedies go.Ex-pop star Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell) made a fortune with his hit song ?Love Me Sexy,? and with the profits, he purchased a basketball team in the ABA. He didn?t only become the coach, but he became the power-forward and the promoter. As good as he thinks his team is,... More About: Review
2007 Cleanups: "No Country for Old Men" Review
2008-03-11 02:58:00 ?No Country for Old Men?2007**** out of ****Director: Joel and Ethan CoenCast: Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh BrolinI never saw a film that played with me like ?No Country for Old Men? did. I saw it twice while it was in theaters, once again during the Best Picture Showcase, and twice on DVD. And after watching it five times, I still don?t know how in the hell to describe a film like it. This is going to be the closest that you will get to an actual review of ?No Country for Old Men? from me, but it is filled with unorganized opinions, theories, and tons of spoilers (including the ending).And I?m so glad that ?No Country for Old Men? won Best Picture at this year?s Oscars. How in the pluperfect hell did the bastards at the Golden Globes give the Best Picture to ?Atonement?? That film spoke to me in ways that the other four best picture nominees didn?t? it told me to LEAVE. (Which you will read about next Monday before it comes out on DVD).The story tells the tale of three men ... More About: Review
"10,000 BC" Review
2008-03-10 03:05:00 ?10,000 BC?2008* out of ****Director: Roland EmmerichCast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff CurtisHistory has it that after Roland Emmerich made ?Godzilla? and ?The Day After Tomorrow,? he became tired of critics shitting on his movies, and went back to fourth grade history class to learn about the people who lived 12,000 years before him. He was told by his teacher that they all spoke English and lived in houses that were bigger than Michael Vick?s dog-pit. He was told that there was no such thing as the Ice Age. Convinced by his fourth grade teacher, he set off to make the perfect comeback film that would garner critical acclaim and earn Roland Emmerich a Best Directing Oscar. When he would accept his award, he would act surprised, compared to the Coen brothers who whispered in each other?s ears as they won, ?I sooo saw that coming.?Pfft, yeah, and someone would give Dina Lohan her own television show?Umm? skip that.?10,000 BC? is the single most wasted piece of celluloid that ... More About: Review
"Vantage Point" Review
2008-03-05 03:51:00 This review will contain tons and TONS of spoilers, including the ending. You?ve been warned.?Vantage Point ?2008* out of ****Director: Pete TravisCast: Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox , Forest Whitaker?Matthew Fox from ?Lost?? You know what's interesting about him? NOTHING!? ? Seth Rogan, ?Knocked Up?Well didn?t this weekend just suck monkey dick. My one computer crashed on Saturday and Sunday it manages to wipe out all of our shit, including my music. Also on Sunday, I was given the opportunity to see one of three films ? ?Vantage Point ,? ?Semi-Pro,? or ?Definitely, Maybe.? Being that I had to review ?Vantage Point? for Geeks of Doom and ?Semi-Pro? for FilmArcade, I narrowed my choices down to those two. Since I was a week late with ?Vantage Point,? I caught that one. And I can tell you right now that without seeing ?Semi-Pro? whether or not I made a good choice.?Vantage Point? ends up being one of the longest twenty-three minute movies I ever seen. Yes, the film is ninety minutes, but t... More About: Review , Boring
"Charlie Bartlett" Review
2008-03-01 02:45:00 ?Charlie Bartlett?2007***˝ out of ****Director: Jon PollCast: Anton Yelchin , Robert Downey, Jr., Hope Davis?Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.? ? Matthew Broderick, ?Ferris Bueller?s Day Off??M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to Fuck!? ? John Cho, ?American Pie?John Hughes is considered one of the greatest minds in teenaged cinema for the past twenty years. Not only did he bring along what we now call The Brat Pack, he helped create the films ? ?The Breakfast Club,? ?Weird Science,? ?Sixteen Candles,? ?Pretty in Pink,? and ?Ferris Bueller?s Day Off? are among the many classic high school flicks that teenagers now look at today as classics. That?s true; I consider ?The Breakfast Club? and ?Ferris Bueller? to be two of the greatest films on the planet (hell, you don?t even want to begin how many times I pulled off the ?Ferris Bueller? trick? every teenager deserves to watch that).I?ll admit ? there has been a lack of great teenaged-comed... More About: Review , Robert Downey Jr
"The Spiderwick Chronicles" Review
2008-02-29 01:54:00 ?The Spiderwick Chronicles ?2008** out of ****Director: Mark WatersCast: Freddie Highmore , Sarah Bolger, Mary-Louise ParkerThere?s a time in everyone?s life where they really have to let the studio executives know when it is time to bullshit and when it isn?t time to bullshit. In 2004, ?Lemony Snicket?s A Series of Unfortunate Events? was released into theaters and I went to go see it opening weekend (and yes, I do read them books? or did). I liked it so much that I immediately began predicting what the sequel would be like. It made a good sum of money, so you would think by now that it would be made into a sequel by now.I guess Paramount and Nickelodeon would rather dish out big bucks for movies like ?The Spiderwick Chronicles ? instead of dishing out money for movies like ?Lemony Snicket 2.?And they?re alike really. They both have very same moods and they?re both dark films. Sarah Bolger is this year?s Emily Browning and Freddie Highmore could probably be this year?s Liam Aiken. The... More About: Review
"27 Dresses" Review
2008-02-19 19:34:00 ?27 Dresses ?2008** out of ****Director: Anne FletcherCast: Katherine Heigl , Malin Akerman , James Marsden , Edward BurnsFor years, I?ve been looking for that ?perfect? romantic comedy. You know, the kind of romantic comedy that was more comedy than cutesy. Think like ?When Harry Met Sally? or ?There?s Something About Mary.? Whenever there is a great romantic comedy, there are twenty terrible romantic comedies. Upon watching the trailer for ?27 Dresses,? I thought that I finally found that romantic comedy.And nope. I?m still looking for it.?27 Dresses? is nowhere near as good as the trailer was. It plays it cutesy one-half during the movie, but then it plays greed for the second-half of the movie. The characters, all but one, are evil and don?t give a shit about the others around them. Some could say that it?s about time that we see a realistic romantic comedy, but it?s also about time that we see a romantic comedy that had some goddamn jokes. I think I laughed a bit more in ?I Now Pro... More About: Review
"Meet the Spartans" Review
2008-02-17 06:07:00 ?Meet the Spartans?2008BOMB out of ****Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron SeltzerCast: Sean McGuire, Carmen Electra, Ken Davitian?Well, do you know what you want to eat???A happy meal.??Stuart, it's a Chinese restaurant, they don't make the happy meal.??Then I hate the Chinese.?Remember ?United 93,? one of the movies taking place on the disgusting day of 9/11? We sat there watching it and tears flown from our eyes. Why am I bringing it up?Because ?United 93? was funnier than ?Meet the Spartans ? was.Everyone obviously knows about the shit that goes on in a spoof film nowadays. Remember the good spoof films from back in the 70s and 80s. Zucker, Brooks, and Abrahams ruled the streets back in those days. There were so much humor back then that we can all relate to it. It wasn?t too pop culture-y and we all laughed. The parodies were humorous and made sense. It seems like ever since ?Naked Gun 33 1/3,? the parodies didn?t make much sense. Leslie Nielsen starred in a shitty Dracula parody... More About: Review
"Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour" Review
2008-02-17 05:50:00 ?Hannah Montana /Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour ?2008*˝ out of ****Director: Bruce HendricksCast: Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Billy Ray CyrusPreface: Before I begin writing this review, let me begin saying that I never watched the show ?Hannah Montana.? So if I?m completely missing the point of the show, don?t curse me out. Send the death threats to my e-mail address please.Earlier this weekend, some bastards spent their hard-earned money on a concert film called ?Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour.? A ticket cost fifteen bucks a pop, and the money-grubbing bastards at Disney couldn?t even give the audience an hour and a half movie. At the end of the weekend, the bastards at Disney made twenty-nine million on the film. I guess they would rather have money from their movies than the characters at Disney World participate enthusiastically in park events.So, can someone fill me in on a little something-something? what the hell is this phenomenon ... More About: Review
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" Review
2008-02-17 05:15:00 ?In the Name of the King : A Dungeon Siege Tale ?2007**˝ out of ****Director: Uwe BollCast: Jason Statham, Claire Forlani, John Rhys-DaviesLook outside all of your windows, because it?s raining turds. Uwe Boll has made a DECENT movie.For what has seemed like ages, Uwe Boll has been making critically panned films that were made from video-games. There was ?House of the Dead? that was nothing but a piece of shit, but they did have some pretty cool DVD menus. Next on his slate was ?Alone in the Dark,? but that was just a bad movie. I saw this one coming when I actually enjoyed ?Bloodrayne? as a guilty pleasure, but I think people will get more out of ?In the Name of the King? than what some people suggest.Let be known, though, that I too like a good mindless movie. There are movies that are meant to be taken seriously and then there are movies that aren?t meant to be taken seriously. If you?re a movie critic and you called a movie like ?American Gangster? funny, you should be shunned fro... More About: The King , Review
"Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins" Review
2008-02-16 20:44:00 ?Welcome Home , Roscoe Jenkins?2008*˝ out of ****Director: Malcolm D. LeeCast: Martin Lawrence , Joy Bryant, Cedric the FudgepackerMas-och-ist ? a taste for suffering.Douche-bag ? someone who hurts himself for the entertainment of others.You decide which one I am.I know I said I would never do Put Me Thru Hell again after ?Meet the Spartans.? You bastards REALLY like to see me get hurt, eh? In November, it was a three way tie between ?Bee Movie,? ?Fred Claus,? and ?Mr. Magorium?s Wonder Emporium,? but since I had to see ?Bee Movie,? I chose that one. I?m aware I made a stupid choice there. But then in December, you guys took the opportunity to really make me mad. I nominated ?The Golden Compass,? ?I Am Legend,? and ?Alvin and the Chipmunks.? You guys all know what you all chose, and that was some of the worst pain that I ever been through.But then after ?I Am Legend? was in release for more than a month, I caught it while doing a double with ?The Bucket List.? I was surprised how much... More About: Review , Nique , Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
"Strange Wilderness" Review
2008-02-16 07:20:00 "Strange Wilderness "2008**** out of ****Director: Fred WolfCast: Steve Zahn , Allen Covert, Jonah Hill "Strange Wilderness" is the funniest comedy that I had to endure since "Borat." That?s all I need to say. Some may be surprised why I would give such praise to a movie distributed by the guys over at Happy Madison, but I sat there laughing so hard that eventually I snorted up my chicken fried rice by mistake. "Strange Wilderness" will go down into the books as one of the funniest movies that I will ever see within my hopefully long life.And I don?t give a shit WHAT you say."Strange Wilderness" tells the tale of Peter Gaulke (Steve Zahn). Gaulke?s father was originally the Steve Irwin of his generation, but once he died, he passed his hit TV show to his son, and hell broke loose. Peter?s show has been getting low ratings due to the fact that his show comes on at three in the morning, so in two weeks, his show will be off the air.One of his friends receives a map where Bigfoot is, and ... More About: Review
"Rambo" Review
More articles from this author:2008-02-16 07:15:00 "Rambo "2008**˝ out of ****Director: Sylvester Stallone Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Graham McTavishHere's a fun fact of Sly that some of you may have not known ? before he became known for his roles in "Rocky" and "Rambo," he was a porno star in a little film called "The Party at Kitty and Stud's," or better known today as "Italian Stallion."Now I ain't ever seen "Kitty and Stud" before, but from what I heard, after his success in "Rocky," they edited "Kitty and Stud" down a lot? a LOT? and slapped it with the title "Italian Stallion." This means that?A) If Sylvester Stallone didn't have anything to do with "Rocky" and "Rambo," we would never have seen an edited version of the film.Or?B) If we didn't like the two movies so damn much, we still would have a version of "Kitty and Stud" that wasn't edited.Stare at the chart provided to you (click to enlarge). It has all of the "facts" about the "Rambo" movies. People he killed with his shirt on, people he killed with his s... More About: Review 1, 2 |
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