The Ups & Downs of Life

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Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

I'm Missing You...
2007-12-05 11:04:00
someday when i'm awfully low, like now when i'm missing you so much. i play back our videos and pictures and stare at the screen for the longest time. and then i wonder what it would be like if we were to be back together again one day. and then i would remember the way you tease, the way you kiss...and i would ask myself how could something that seems so right be so wrong?there is nothing there for me but to love you, and yet you my dear sweetheart could never feel the same for me. i wonder if you're missing me, or if you actually thought of me while you're away. and then i doubt it. why would you when your arms are around the love of your life?i miss you sugar...come back soon...
More About: Missing You , Missing , Missi

Lookalikes Are Dangerous
2007-12-04 16:36:00
she looked at me and asked me where's the manager. i turned around and was about to replied that i have no idea when the words just died.and there she was. an exact lookalike for sporter.the features. her eyes. her lips. the way she smile. and when i stuttered my reply, she laughed. she laughs the same way as sporter did. that infectious giggle. for a moment there i really thought she was standing infront of me in person and then i saw the black uniform, and realised it was not one of the same.i smiled in relief and walked away.lookalikes are dangerous.
More About: Dangerous

Missed Calls Now & Then
2007-12-02 16:47:00
sometimes i don't know why you won't allow me to give up. is it because of your huge ego at the loss of me? that i hardly think so. but yet whenever i bring up the topic of asking you to leave or indicating that its time i should leave, you would reprimand me harshly asking why i would i want to give up, asking if i'm bored, asking if i no longer love you and thats why i want to leave.oh no sugar...how could i ever be bored of you? you're my sunshine.there are times when you could catch me off guard with your messages, like when you suddenly send a text telling me that you will me miss when you're away and you asked if i would miss you as well. i thought it was endearing, and when you appeared just as suddenly beside me and kissed me. you took my breath away. though i did wonder if its was the whisky smell or it was the kiss.i'm hoping its the latter.and when you hugged me and almost kiss my forehead. i almost...almost...took it as a sign that you could have and might have a c...
More About: Calls , Then

You Give Me Something
2007-12-01 19:58:00
You only stay with me in the morningYou only hold me when I sleepI was meant to tread the waterBut now I've gotten in too deepFor every piece of me that wants youAnother piece backs awayYou give me somethingThat makes me scared alrightThis could be nothingBut I'm willing to give it a tryPlease give me somethingBecause someday I might know my heartYou only waited up for hoursJust to spend a little time alone with meAnd I can say I've never bought you flowersI can't work out what they meanI never thought that I'd love someoneThat was someone else's dreamYou give me somethingThat makes me scared alrightThis could be nothing But I'm willing to give it a tryPlease give me somethingBecause someday I might call you from my heartBut it might be a second too lateAnd the words that I could never sayAre gonna come out anywayYou give me somethingThat makes me scared alrightThis could be nothing But I'm willing to give it a tryPlease give me somethingYou give me somethingThat makes me sc...
More About: Give , Some

So Long As Its With You...
2007-12-01 17:37:00
i wanna go see all these places with you...in no particular order. as long as its with you...Twin tower, DubaiGreat Wall, ChinaMilford Sound, New ZealandWat Pra Keo, BangkokMount Fuji, JapanGold Hill, United KingdomHong Kong, ChinaLake Beratan, Bali, IndonesiaOpera House, Sydney, AustraliaDurban, AfricaTaj Mahal-agra, India
More About: Long , With You

Tuluskah Hatimu Mencintai Aku
2007-12-01 10:14:00
Kekasih aku tak mengertiApa yang ada didalam hatimuKau diam kau tersenyum pada akuDisaat aku salah...Jangan pernah dustai hatiBila memang sudah tak cinta lagiPercuma bila terus bersamaPastikan terpisah...Tuluskan hatimu mencintai akuBila aku pernah menyakiti hatimuMaafkan aku, lupakanlah akuBila itu maumu...Tuluskah hatimu mencintai akuBila aku pernah melakukan salahMaafkan aku, lupakanlah akuNamun jangan tinggalkan cintaku...Jangan pernah dustai hatiBila memang sudah tak cinta lagiPercuma bila terus bersamaPastikan terpisah...Tuluskah hatimu mencintai aku

Happiness
2007-12-01 09:52:00
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but, rather, a manner of Travelling...
More About: Happiness

Kaleidoscopes
2007-11-30 18:25:00
here's how it is. my mind's a total jam. just tasteless, unlike strawberry jam. my thoughts are all in a swirly mess with no sense of construction, its just swirling round and round in my brain. and if i rattle off my thoughts one by one it will come to this:ah moi says, "...find someone who can love you, not suffer in silence. don't be his part-time love. don't let him love you only when he's bored or when you're at work. if you can't get him to love you at all then move on..." i turned to ah moi, "...he makes me feel complete, at ease with myself. and i love him even though i know i'm just a deal for him. can?" she didn't reply.fireworks at vivocity. indicating the 1st year anniversary. and as the fireworks blast off in pretty kaleidoscopes of colour, he's arms was around me and all i wanted to do was whisk him away to some enchanted place. i'm pissed with kk for the accusations. i'm not even responsible for anything let alone start anything. you really think i'm that...
More About: Cope

Lost Without You
2007-11-30 08:13:00
its been 2 days since he last call or message. i've been keeping myself busy. constantly filling up my time with activities just so i won't miss him at all. unfortunately for me everywhere i go, my thoughts are on him, and it doesn't help that i'm at some place where we use to hang out at together or where there are memories between us.good or bad: its a constant reminder forcing me to reminense the past and ponder on why our relationship have to meet a sorry end. LN sat with me for a smoke break, and along our brief conversation, we talked about me and KJA. funny how she thinks that me and him should be together, when yet the person in concern thinks otherwise. when LN tells me that we're compatible, i wanted to laugh out loud."...really? then why doesn't he think so..?"when it comes to falling in love, always be ready to prepare yourself for a heartbreak. for some one who's constantly prepared for anything. this was something i was not prepare for. i was aware of a failure,...
More About: Lost

Never Need To Ask
2007-11-29 08:05:00
can't help but to think that this is wrong. and that we should be together. not the other way round. can't help but wonder what is it about her that makes you love her so. can't help but to wonder what is it about her that makes you want to walk the path of life with instead of with me.as the days go by, we're drifting. i can feel it, i can sense it...but i'm not in the position to stop it. not in the position to stop anything at all. i've love and lost you. there's so much things to say between us, so much dreams. i wish there's something i could say to make you see and feel things the way i see and feel. but i know its impossible.you ask me if i will miss you while you're away. cookie...you never need to ask me if i'll miss you. you know i will. you never need to ask if i'll ever stop loving you. you know i won't. you never need to ask if its ok for you to call me at 6 in the morning. you know that you can reach me anytime of the day.and baby...you never need to ask if...

My Brain's A Mush!
2007-11-28 05:15:00
my mind's a total jam. full of information and exams are hitting me every single week. its like everywhere i turn i have courses and exams screaming back at me. i'm going crazy. i have cu3 (developing & programming) last week, this week i have cu5 (programming) plus my exam and following closely would be my cu4a ( facilitating). my brain's overload with information and i can't seem to organize my train of thoughts.its times like this that i wonder if its going to be a test of my mental strength and my capabilities. sometimes i doubt both of them greatly. pendek and galah keep insisting that they know i can do it and that i definitely can make it, but what if i fail? would they have words of comfort for me? a 12 month course which i chose to jam within 3 months is considered impossible even for specky, what more me?grin and bare with it i guess.i missed working on the floor. missed being on the operations team. missed getting slammed. i miss my regulars, kidding and joking wi...
More About: Mush

Oh God...Give Me Strength
2007-11-27 16:45:00
i'm lacking of time to do anything...frankly i feel like i'm tied for time and i'm always rushing. getting really tired myself and it doesn't help that i need more time in my life, and also more vitamins since i'm always falling sick. cicak feels that i'm weak and penguin feels that i have too many things on my hand, doesn't help that he thinks and feels that he should be in my position instead of me getting promoted instead of him. heck i never asked for it. andrew put me up for it and i merely agreed. i guess i didn't expect agreeing to his request means sacrificing my time and sleep.why is always impossible for me to schedule my work and time accordingly? is it bad time management or just plain bad luck?i'm guessing both. urgh...dear god...give me the time and luck to go through this stressful period please?
More About: Give

Cinnamon
2007-11-26 15:30:00
she has aged visibly. there were streaks of white hair in that once black mess. wrinkles were sprinkled on her face where previously there were none. i raised my hand and wave, and she called me over. i managed a quick smile and walked towards her. she stood up as i approaches, and then when we neared face-to-face i couldn't decide if it was proper to shake hands, hug or kiss. i decided it was best not to do anything so i turn and sat down."would you like coffee?""yeah. coffee sounds great. could you get me a double tall capp..""...with 1 raw sugar and a dash of cinnamon powder. i know what you want princess."i looked up and smile. "you actually remembered after all these years. i can't even remember what i had for yesterday's breakfast!"she didn't answer. she look at my face intently and touched my cheek. fondly. i cradled my face towards her open palm. and then she lean forward and kiss my forehead. i looked up. "and yes princess i still remember what it means if you kiss some...
More About: Cinnamon , Namo

Yes...I Do Notice Actually...
2007-11-24 00:06:00
and then when you look at me. and smile. a rush of warmth just spreads through me. i couldn't help but think. the whole world thinks we look so god damn good together. why is it so damn hard for you to just see things the same way?and when you sneak a kiss, and when you hold my hand, and when i rest my head on your shoulder....everything feels so right.and yes cookie...i notice you changed your shirt halfway through the operation. i notice everything about you. i notice how you would fiddle with your phone and then have a wry smile on your face, as if you're thinking about world crisis when you don't even know the first thing about world crisis. i notice how you would look my way and have this weird but tender look. i notice how you would try so damn hard to not be jealous but it shows...yes cookie...i do notice...
More About: Notice

It's Finally Over
2007-11-22 23:57:00
"so...its over?"i shrugged, barely able to hold back my tears. i lit up a joint and for a moment stare blankly into space. i don't know if its an act of betrayal should i decide to talk to wei wei about it. afterall we were not that close to begin with."i heard it from aidil actually. he told me that he saw you crying outside MV and you told him that its finally over and that he finally decided to choose the girlfriend over you. i'm sorry babe...wish i could do something." she continued. i nodded. words were hardly sinking in. i was desperately trying to hold back whatever tears i have left within me. whatever strength i have had inside me had evaporated the moment he chose to walk out of my life. i crushed the can of beer and fiddled with my mobile.new message (1)it came from him.'...she loved me unconditionally. mentally, physically, emotionally. she did no wrong to me. i've been a beast. let me make it up to her pls...'i bent over and started crying. weiwei came over and tri...
More About: Finally

My Heart
2007-11-21 21:22:00
"...its mine to give. to whom i want and to whom i please..."when your heart is broken to pieces, and then glued back together again only to have it broken again by the same person...just exactly what do you do? you smile your sweetest smile, you grin your silliest grin, raise a hand and salute your friends and colleagues and pretend that the whole world is the same. nothing happen. nothing changed. no sadness, no anger.nothing.only the sound of your heart breaking. pieces after pieces. and then you continue pretending that you're fine, and that you're made to be tough and strong and that broken relationships doesn't faze you at all. not one bit. and then when the lights are off, when the world turns silence once again, you pick up your stuff shut the door and walk. with a tad of spring in your footsteps. so no one would suspect a thing. and continue walking. and only when you're sure that the world is facing the other way, you sit down. take a deep breath. and then cry your hea...
More About: Heart

Stupidity Knows No Boundaries
2007-11-18 04:47:00
i was finally back on operations last night. after a whole week being away from floor operations, being given a chance to finally do what i do best was like being given a can of baked beans. comforting & full of goodness...and yummy! yumz...it also meant more than 8 hours of being near the presense of KJA, after last night disastrous dinner, a whole shift of KJA KJA KJA was soothing and calming. and by the way, i have successfully exhausted zilz and esti's patience on me and KJA. they have officially stamped the word 'LOONY' on me, and have abandon all hopes on me ever again. i totally agreed with them. i would have killed me like months back, but oh well on the other hand i didn't have their level of tolerance and patience. never thought that i would love someone who breathes and dreams of someone else, but in this case i am, not only am i years late, i'm emotionally nor even on par with him. he's never going to be over his ex, and i'm the living standby waiting for him ...
More About: Stupidity

It's All About You...
2007-11-18 04:35:00
It's All About You...Yesterday, you asked me somethingI thought you knew...So I told you with a smile'it's all about you...'then you whispered in my ear and you told me too,say 'if you make my life worthwhile,it's all about you'...'and I would answer all your wishes,if you asked me to...But if you deny me one of your kisses,don't know what i'd do...So hold me close and say three words,like you used to do...Dancing on the kitchen tiles,Yes you make my life worthwhile,So i told you with a smile...It's all about you...

Illegal To Deceive My Heart
2007-11-16 05:48:00
Who would have thoughtThat you could hurt meThe way you've done it?So deliberate, so determinedAnd since you have been goneI bite my nails for days and hoursAnd question my own questions on and onSo tell me now, tell me nowWhy you're so far awayWhen I'm still so closeYou don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"You said you would love me until you dieAnd as far as I know you're still alive, babyYou don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heartI tried so hard to be attentiveTo all you wantedAlways supportive, always patientWhat did I do wrong?I'm wondering for days and hoursIt's clear, it isn't here where you belongAnyhow, anyhowI wish you both all the bestI hope you get alongBut you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"You said you would love me until you dieAnd as far as I know you're still alive, babyYou don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"I'm ...
More About: Heart , Deceive , Illegal

Saddest Poem
2007-11-14 17:31:00
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.On nights like this, I held her in my arms.I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.She loved me, sometimes I loved her.How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.To think I don't have her.To feel that I've lost her.To hear the immense night, more immense without her.And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.The night is full of stars and she is not with me.That's all.Far away, someone sings. Far away.My soul is lost without her.As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.My heart searches for her and she is not with me.The same night that whitens the same trees.We, we who were, we are the same no ...
More About: Poem

Just What Are You Doing?
2007-11-14 13:20:00
i'm beginning to wonder if you think its funny to play with my heart. maybe for some reasons you enjoy, like some sadistic fetish but i'm hating it. i'm starting to feel worthless about myself and i think the world knows.it breaks my heart to see you cry last night. breaks my heart more so when you ask me to get out from the car because you were heading back to her place. and what was worse, the fact that you can't even seem to be bothered about my very existence.you know: its true what they say. its always better to be loved than to love. at least in your position you're free to hurt whom you want and whom you like. in my position i only seem to be getting hurt and nothing else. zilz asked me what the hell am i doing, i'm beginning to question myself just as much. i keep trying to convince myself that its merely an infatuation as how you keep trying to convince me, but evidence proves otherwise.cookie...what are you doing? as a matter of fact, what the hell are we doing? i'm...

Straight To The Loony-Bin
2007-11-12 10:57:00
i'm totally messed up.one blissful moment with KJA and suddenly the world is all about him once again. and then suddenly the rest of the world no longer seems as important as it had been initially and all i can think about is KJA KJA KJA.i don't know which is worse. the fact that i keep missing him endlessly or the fact that i keep watching the videos of us together over the tiny screen of my mobile daily.i'm thinking i might just be really desperate for sex. just so i could get over KJA. something like rebound sex. either that or i'm turning loony really soon.
More About: Straight , TRAI

Breakfast At Casuarina
2007-11-11 02:26:00
happiness surely must come in the form of double egg prata, and topped it off with teh-o-halia. at least thats what i would like to believe. in my pretty little world that is. i had breakfast at casuarina curry house today. fantastic little coven with crispy prata best paired with its famous spicy fish curry. the meal cost me $40.50 (...extra $10.20 for my pack of viceroy...) but heck, i thought it was totally with it. and why shouldn't it be perfect. i spent 2 hours with KJA along with my two besties, esti and zil, what more could a princess ask for?for the uninitiated, KJA seems to be on a slightly better terms with me. maybe because i've been really awfully sick recently, or either that he has finally patched things up with her, and finally i'm back to being a zest for him. there were the occasional bouts of silence, doubtful and wary stares in the conversation but mostly laughter and stupid jokes, cracked mostly by esti and her silly view of life. she was constantly poking f...
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Checkmate. Congratulations Cookie.
2007-11-06 17:43:00
i'm beginning to understand you. understanding that you will never love me, will never have that zsa-zsa-zsu feeling for me and that you will never ever could and would care for my existence.and i realise now that you're back with her. and that you're trying to work things out once again. very well then. i guess i should wish you all the best. may this time round it would last longer then the previous, and may this time round you won't cheat again on her.and maybe this time you can really hear my heart break into pieces.checkmate cookie. you win. i lose.
More About: Checkmate , Congratulations , Cookie

Random Inklings
2007-11-04 02:49:00
i know i just had to write this down before the memory just fades away. ok seriously the chances of the memory of KJA kissing me would be really slim but i figured i'm not taking any chances. and i swear sometimes just when i figured that i'm an inch to giving up on myself sometimes, along comes KJA and his silly antics, forcing me to rethink and reaccess my life.maybe its the lonliness that draws me to him or vice versa. something attracts me to him, and as much as i think it sucks being this remotely attracted to someone, you just can't help but to feel it. and as much as i try to deny myself or refrain myself from feeling such, everytime i bumped into him, the feelings arises again. and i keep telling myself to stop and to move on, get a grip of myself, shut up - stop whining and stay away from him.but honestly i just can't.silly meaningless antics from him are enough to drive me over the edge. can you imagine if he were to tell me that he really and actually loves me?i would...
More About: Random , Inklings

Invent, Create & Destroy
2007-11-03 03:45:00
i'm beginning to hate penguin. and whoever it was who told me that working with a new boss would be amazing and perfect for me has got to be dead wrong. i don't enjoy working with cicak and i think with her i've been threatening to quit almost everyday for the past few months. i'm miserable and i hate it and i really don't know why i'm putting up with this whole load of crap. i could just leave but then again i know i won't. i enjoy what i do, minus the perils of working with cicak and penguin but other than that i love doing what i do. i love knowing that my gay bestie's just one floor up and my other 2 besties are just right next door.i love knowing that people like to call me the 'mv unattainable babe' or the 'bitchy hottie' and as much as i doubt that the latter is a compliment, i kinda like it anyway. i thought today was a tad special then usual. KJA came by earlier during the operations. i told him i was hungry, and that i wanted to get food. he told me to order. i...
More About: Create

*schmuax*
2007-11-02 20:28:00
and when you kissed me just now...i couldn't help but felt my heart stopped...time as well...i can feel you cookie...just not have you...and i wonder why...

And Just Sometimes...
2007-11-01 14:19:00
"...sometimes...i miss you very much..."and as he says that over the phone, my heart jumps a beat. i almost begged him to come back to me, for a moment there i almost wanted to go down on my knees and make eternal promises. promises that although i know i have little confidence that i could keep or fulfil, but i wanted to make them just so he would return to me. i wanted to tell him that i was his zest, and that i promise to be there for him be it night day, come rain or shine. i wanted to promise him that i would never break his heart nor would i ever make him for pin for somebody's love ever again...i did none of the above.instead i held the phone closer to my ear, and blinked back tears, and then i told KJA, "...okay..." and i hung up abruptly. i didn't want him to hear my voice breaking, nor do i want him to hear any emotion over this call of his. it was of those rare moments that he choose to call and i rather spent it hearing his voice then to whine over my misgivings or emo...
More About: Some

Rain Rain Come Again
2007-10-31 03:43:00
it was raining this morning as i prepared myself for my morning run. i've been running for the past few weeks in a bid to forget about KJA. the further i run, the more exhausted i become, the better i sleep.i think less about KJA and the days goes by me faster then ever.as i run, i could hear my footsteps stamping against the pathway. it was wet, cold and yet i didn't find it a tad miserable. it was refreshing. it was almost as if the rain was washing away my every misery and it was calming...soothing even.i didn't care that i was wet from head to toe. i didn't care that the raindrops were hindering my view of the field, all i care about was running my life away.and i ran further than i needed to today. i felt like i could have run further except that i didn't have my keys with me and i needed to be home before my mom leave for work. but it was a damn good run today. i can't wait for my next run...sunshine you can stay away for a couple of weeks. just let me run in this cold w...
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You, Friendster & The Newbie
2007-10-27 03:10:00
and then i realise how sucky friendster can become. especially when you're viewing your ex's with his current squeeze looking so damn irritatingly happy.happier than he was with you.urgh.
More About: Friendster , Newb , Newbie