The Ups & Downs of Life

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Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Eternal Sunshine
2008-01-23 08:50:00
i am hugely affected by how things are between us right now. its driving me crazy just to think about it and somehow i keep wishing that there would be ways that i could somehow erase you out of my mind. a couple of years back, furby passed a dvd telling me that it was a sleeper hit in the states and that i might really like it should i decide to watch it.i kept the disc somewhere and totally ignore it. well i did played for a couple of seconds and then i tune it off. i never laid my eyes on the dvd again since then.i'm scheduled to start at 10pm today so i wasn't in the hurry to rush to work. instead i fiddle with my new laptop which i'm typing this journal on and then decided to watch a couple of dvds. one of which would be the one that furby gave me.the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.in the movie, the main protaganist, joel has just ended his long-time relationship with his beau, clementine. upon discovering that she had erased him away from her mind, he decided to unde...
More About: Sunshine , Eternal

Stir It Up Lil' Darling...
2008-01-21 12:25:00
really...its getting more and more difficult by the minute. its not getting any easier and somehow it feels like you're purposely doing it to make me leave you. its getting harder to comprehend your actions and harder still trying to get myself to understand your doings.i've lost my charms on you i suppose. maybe thats why you no longer bother with whatever that is happening to me. nothing about me fascinates you anymore. my jokes are lost on you, my quirkiness are now consider loud, and demanding and my what you use to consider competence are now deemed demanding.so you're sleeping with your girlfriend...no need to blow it in my face. whatever for? i know you're sleeping together, you're probably screwing her and vice versa but save the news for the papers. as far as i'm concern i really don't need to know nor am i interested to know. it does not make you a better person flashing that piece of lousy news in my face. it just makes you look better next to a bug.stir it up lil ...
More About: Darling

Almost Here
2008-01-20 02:30:00
Did I hear you right?Cause I thought you saidLet's think it overYou have been my lifeAnd I never plannedGrowing old without youShadows bleeding through the lightWhere the love once shined so brightCame without a reasonDon't let go on us tonightLove's not always black and whiteOh, Haven't I always loved you?But when I need youYou're almost hereAnd I know that's not enoughAnd when I'm with youI'm close to tears'cause you're only almost hereI would change the worldIf I had a chanceOh won't you let meTreat me like a childThrow your arms around meOh please protect meBruised and battered by your wordsDazed and shattered, now it hurtsOh, haven't I always loved you?But when I need youYou're almost hereAnd I know that's not enoughAnd when I'm with youI'm close to tears'cause you're only almost hereBruised and battered by your wordsDazed and shattered, now it hurtsHaven't I always loved you?But when I need youYou're almost hereWell I never knew how far behind I'd left you...

Little Darlings
2008-01-19 10:20:00
i should consider changing the title to little screaming banshees. thats what they were doing until i agreed to have their pictures taken.my poor ears...

Between Great Love, Great Company
2008-01-16 00:31:00
ask me to choose between great love and great company and i would choose great company. i'm not one to compete for great love and through my entire existence, i know i've never had much luck when it comes to romance, hence whenever i had to choose between great love and great company i would always choose great company.while great love, like a good novel are hard to come by and when you missed it, you will miss it for life, somehow i reckon that nothing else in this world that could ever beat great company. call me a sore loser if you will, but when romance fails you: who else do you look for other than your great company?i have several great company, people who are loyal to me, who will commit their time and lives to me. people whom i know when trouble arises; will not and never step away from me. people whom i know will shield me dearly and protect from the harshness of this world.it all sounds very 1950s but its true. these are the same people who could never fail to me laugh a...
More About: Love , Company , Great

Always On My Mind
2008-01-09 23:18:00
i couldn't help but miss him dearly. it feels like a long time since i last spoke to him. longer still when i last saw him. it feels like an eternity has passed since i last kiss him.maybe sometime he may feel like he's second best in my life, what with my busy schedule and long shifts, but i thought that he should know that he's always on my mind. and that i'm always thinking of him and not a minute passes without him in my thoughts. and no...he's never second best in my life. the world stops whenever he's around.maybe i rarely get to spend the time with him, but whatever precious moments given to me by him i would take it without hesitation. but yesterday when he asked me out, i turn him down. he had the time to spend, but i didn't know, i thought it would only be an hour or so and then he had to leave. i didn't want that. i want him to spend the night with me.utterly impossible.he's on leave. recuperating. baby if you were mine, i would take the time to nurse you back to...
More About: Mind , On My Mind

Just Have To Do It
2008-01-06 19:20:00
You just have to do it...even before you go on ur long leave you just have to pick a fight with me even a small stupid matter. You dont care even if fighting with me always ends up with me being miserable. As long as you're happy that i'm miserable its good enough for you. I dont get you at times...you refuse to choose me,you choose that girl of yours, you insist on using that stupid line "...I have a girlfriend..." once every 2 hours on me but yet you got jealous over a stupid message, and willingly evoke an argument with me. Why? I'm so so so darn tired baby...

I Don't Sleep Alone
2008-01-04 01:40:00
instead...i sleep with the whole scooby-doo gang...and they occupied half the bed already....
More About: Sleep

Have You Ever
2008-01-02 08:14:00
have you ever been in love, so bad that you would do just about anything and everything to make them understand? you would do just about anything within your powers to make them feel the same way as you do, and you would try to find the right words, the right phrase just to describe a sentence's worth of how you feel.only to find that same person won't give their heart to you and can never feel the same wasy as you do.what do i gotta do to get you in my arms? what do i gotta say to get to your heart? just to make you understand that i need you here beside me. gotta to get you in my world..oh cookie...the endless hours of waiting, restless sleep is enough to kill any mere mortal. i'm dying of a broken heart. but somehow everytime you throw that sweet smile my way, its like an exlir: reviving me from the dead.and you, whoever you are...please stop asking him to leave me. stop asking him to abandon me. stop telling him that leaving me would make me happy, because frankly: it won't....

I Can Never Say 'NO' To You
2008-01-01 10:38:00
i think its silly the way i say 'yes' to your every request at times. its like when it comes to you the word 'no' does not even exist at all. no matter how lousy my day was or how pathetic it can get whenever you appear armed with your 1001 requests, i would attend to it. the whole world stops when it comes to you. the rest of the world no is no longer deemed important to me.if you asked me to smile...i would ask: how sweet?if you asked me to jump...i would ask: how high?if you asked me to kiss...i would ask: how long?and truth is, i enjoy entertaining your little silly requests, simply because it means an extra minute of your time. and when you look at me with that puppy eyes of yours...you say 'roll' and i would do it in an instant.you asked me again, if my crush on you is overwhelming my thoughts and common sense. my dear, dear, dear sweet cookie: its not an infatuation. i'm in love with you and nothing else. how many people do you know who would abandon sleep and food jus...

Fotografia
2008-01-01 01:49:00
Cada vez que yo me voy llevo a un lado de mi pielTus fotografías para verlas cada vezQue tu ausencia me devora entero el corazónY yo no tengo remedio más que amarteY en la distancia te puedo verCuando tus fotos me siento a verY en las estrellas tus ojos verCuando tus fotos me siento a verCada vez que te busco te vasY cada vez que te llamo no estásEs por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estásCada vez que te busco te vasY cada vez que te llamo no estásEs por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estásCuando hay un abismo desnudoQue se opone entre los dosYo me valgo del recuerdoTaciturno de tu vozY de nuevo siento enfermo este corazónQue no le queda remedio más que amarteY en la distancia te puedo verCuando tus fotos me siento a verY en las estrellas tus ojos verCuando tus fotos me siento a ver(Ey ey ey ey ey ey ey ey ey te puedo ver...yeah)Cada vez que te busco te vasY cada vez que te llamo no estásEs por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estásCada vez que t...
More About: Fotografia

Hello 2008!
2007-12-31 04:22:00
what are my new year resolutions?every year without fail, i would start the year with a bang. usually it begins with what i plan for the year, what i hope to achieve by the end of the year, as well as what i believe i should have accomplished.year after year, my top 3 resolution would always be the same, just as the sun rises from the east. i figured i would achieve them sooner or later except its been 10 years in the making and i still have yet to achieve any. maybe for the first few days, or weeks and then after that it would be back to the same old routine.well at least not for 2007. what do i mean by 2007? lets start with my resolutions first:quit smoking/drinkingbe less bitchier, be more nicercontrol that outrageous temper1. quit smoking/drinkingi didn't pick up a single stick after we ushered in the new year. i didn't smoke a single stick through the day. even when i finished a meal, i refused to light up a joint. and when i was teased, taunted and tempted i merely shrugged ...
More About: 2008

It Can Never Happen
2007-12-27 22:42:00
you claim that you love me.i guess so.i just don't feel the same for you.go back to pretending that you prefer inamor. i don't mind.just know that between you and me: it can never happen.so no: i don't need you to look at me with sorrowful eyes.and no: i don't need you to fill me in with details about KJA and his sordid affairs.definitely no: i don't need you to be my knight in shining armour.enough woes as it is. i prefer being friends with you. at least this way, i know whenever i need someone to talk to, maybe i can rely on you.for everything else: i have esti and zilz.

If Its Meant To Be...
2007-12-27 10:52:00
i thought i should share the following 2 stories for you:my auntie, Sarah was madly in love with her boyfriend, Salim. they've been together for close to 3 years, and one day uncle Salim decided to ask for my auntie's hand for marriage. my grandmother who had always thought the world of my auntie, thought that she deserved better and turn Salim down. later my grandmother bethrothed my auntie to another man. they got married and had 1 son. a year after the birth of Daniel, the man died. once again uncle Salim came up to my grandmother and asked for the hand of my auntie and once again he was turned away.to quote the old lady, "...there will be another man who will be suitable for Sarah before i would even allow this marriage to happen..!"and thus uncle Salim took his broken heart and went away. my grandmother then bethrothed my auntie once again to another man. a man whom she felt could give the world to her youngest daughter. barely a year after the birth of Daniella, the man suff...

My Broken Hand & Broken Heart
2007-12-26 16:07:00
i'm beginnning to understand and sympathize with those who've ever had their hands fractured.writing this entry along is causing me misery.thanks to KJA, who lovingly twist my hand causing a slight hairline has rendered me totally useless. i can't even complete a meal in less than my usual 15 minutes. instead i take up to 45 minutes just to complete a meal. i can't shower, can't tie my hair, can't make sudden movements and have now been reduce to a total useless person.and the best part: not a single call or message from him asking if i'm fine or anything like that. its like he totally fucked care about the whole thing. cookie: i'm not asking that you bathe me, feed me or take care of me. all i'm asking is throw a message my way, a phonecall or two - just so that i know that i have a place in the heart of yours. or maybe there isn't any?ya, compared to that girlfriend of yours - i'm really not important at all huh?brutal honesty hurts, and the pain is nothing compared to ...
More About: Heart , Hand , Broken , Broken Heart

Can't Cry Can't Laugh
2007-12-23 09:28:00
'...just like you don't like LN in the picture. i don't like them in the picture as well. can that be done?...''...not possible. they're my direct staff...'and LN's what? the external visitor from somewhere? really cookie. sometimes i don't know what the fuck you're thinking and doing. maybe you think its fun to do what you do to me. i'm really beginning to think otherwise. what can i do to make you see things my way?its bad enough already that you can't take my side. or when you refuse to take my side whensomething goes wrong. its bad enough when you won't protect me when someone strikes me, itsdoesn't help when you rather hang up the phone on me then to tell me to take care, but now when you tell me that you refuse to draw a line because they're your staff despite my jealousy really begins to sums up alot of things.its been almost half a year of this insanity. i don't even know whether to cry or laugh. you asked me if i was unhappy over what you've just said. i re...
More About: Laugh

Love To See You Cry...
2007-12-22 23:46:00
Love To See You Cry(Come on. Let me tell you)Maybe I just wanna touch youFeel you warm inside againMaybe I just wanna hurt youThe sweetest pleasure is painI don't know why whyBut I love to see you cryI don't know why whyIt just makes me feel aliveAre you comingTo the momentWhen you knowYour heart can break?I'm inside youI'm around you.I just wanna hear you cry againI don't know why whyBut I love to see you cryI don't know why whyIt just makes me feel aliveI don't know why whyBut I love to see you cryI don't know why whyBut it makes me feel aliveYou don't knowHow much it hurtsTo watch you fall asleepWhen you're in my armsAnd if this dies beforeThe morning comesI wanna runawayI wanna runawayI don't know whyI don't know whyI don't know whyI don't know why(I don't know why why but I love to see you cryI don't know why why it just makes me feel alive)I don't know why whyBut I love to see you cryI don't know why whyBut it makes me feel alive
More About: Love

She's Gone Shopping!
2007-12-20 19:41:00
i hit orchard with much gusto today. i was asked by some of my customers to shop for them.sometimes i think my personalised service goes a tad too much. i was given a sum of money to shop for them for their christmas gifts. and ooh-boy...did i shop...i hit gucci, tiffany, armani...i slammed takashimaya, isetan, wisma...i knocked on zara, mango, guess...you name the brand and chances were i did purchase something there. and it was damn theurapatic. i swear i could feel all stress flowing away from my body. i didn't eat, nor drink. my mind was focused on getting the items, have it wrapped in a classic style with the right wrapping paper and appropriate card.if i had it my way, i would have signed it off with my name.no such luck there.i bought myself a tiffany butterfly necklace and black onyx ring from valencio. a pair of cuff links from gucci for you as well baby. but somehow i have this feeling you can't wear nor explain to your girlfriend why would anyone buy it for you. and thu...
More About: Shopping

A Thousand Flaws
2007-12-18 06:27:00
its never easy to tell someone that you never had any feelings for him or her. and sometimes when you're forced to do it, half the time the deed never fails to make you feel like a monster. and then on the other hand, its never fun to be the receiving party of the unwanted news. most of the time it only ends up making you feel crappy, unloved, mostly fugly.how do you tell someone whom you think is the love of your lifetime that you miss him, when he's no longer in love with you, miles away and he's deeply in love with someone else...or how do you recover from the shock after being told it would only take a crazed man to fall in love with you when all this while you're hoping that the he would be the crazed man...or undo a mistake thats already been uncovered by the world, and here you are left with unwanted attention and all you want to do is to crawl under the blanket and pray that the end would come soon?it breaks my heart when KJA tells me that he can never love me, and choos...
More About: Thousand

Mimosa Love
2007-12-16 13:43:00
how do i put this?...kalau tak sayang punya pasal...dah lama aku angkat kaki, jalan dan keluar dari hidup kau. tapi kerana kasih, aku sanggup lakukan segala nya. apa saja yang hati kau pinta...dengan pantas nya aku lakukan. apa saja yang kau lafaskan, dengan pintas nya aku tunaikan...whatever you want...whatever you need...i'll try to get it for you or get it done for you. and yet you will never hesitate when it comes to punishing me for something. you end things so easily with me as if it all means nothing to you. and when it you tell me you actually like me abit, i was thinking...W-O-W...was i supposed to be impressed?seriously cookie. leave the loving to me. you just stick to your unconditional love with that girlfriend of yours. between the 3 of us. i doubt you would even know the meaning of unconditional love other than what is stated in the dictionary.you make it seem like such a big deal when i was sitting and talking to LN. you claimed that we were bitching about you. were ...
More About: Love

Mojito Friday
2007-12-15 11:27:00
i swear sometimes i think fat people should just be ban from crowded places. not those cute chubby ones. those gigantic ones. those massive ones. the ones that could just crush your skill just by planting one of those huge lips on you.i'm a fatist. i have a huge phobia of them. can't stand being in the same room as them. can't stand being near them. a phobia built since young, during training when mr yong would always tell me, "...not a kg more athena! you'll slow down..!" and yeapz...not a kg more on my already muscular frame. in track it helps if you're lighter, and yet in climbing, it helps to have the frame. in squash it was better to have the muscles.thats right. i end up with a pretty much weird body. muscles where its not suppose to be, mass where its not suppose to be.anyway back to the fat people story. it was already crowded at MV last night. i was pretty much jammed and it was my first night on a weekend after so L-O-N-G, and i was on the ball. rolling from one corne...
More About: Friday

My Dark Prince
2007-12-11 18:32:00
my weakest moment would be to love..my saddest moment would be you. and you my dark prince who would remain my darkest moment..when you love and conquer my heart only to leave me broken and despair alone with my tears. and you my dark knight who strewn your sword through my heart and leave it to bleed in its glorified splendour...
More About: Dark , Prince

Sangria Delight
2007-12-10 18:52:00
and now its only fair that i should let you know what you should know. i can't live if living is without you and i just can't give anymore. i've been thinking and i think its not right what i'm doing to you and more so to us. you're everything to me. i breathe and live you.you're my inspiration and my strength but how can i put you through all this and more when i know you can never love me. yesterday you told me all that i need to know and though you know how much i appreciate honesty, it hurts knowing. for a moment i wish you didn't have the courage to tell me, for a moment i wish you didn't feel that way about me. but you did.baby...if you could only know and feel what i'm going through right now.i can't think. can barely concentrate on what i'm doing. could barely even scrapped though my thesis. its like losing you means losing everything important to me. i would like to give you my best. i would like to accept defeat in my face. but i just can't.have to learn how to...
More About: Delight

Let Me Eat In Peace
2007-12-10 12:09:00
seriously. give me a break. especially when it comes to november to january.there is no training. which means i can eat without give a damn to whether eating that last morself of strawberry cheesecake will cost me to gain an extra gram, and which by the way also means i won't feel guilty for eating 3 chocolate coated caramel bar (twix) at one shot. i refuse to share that last bowl of peppermint ice cream with anybody, (unless off course its you cookie...) and i would eat all the candy floss there is at the night market should it pleases me. i will if i want to: eat 2 filet-o-fish with extra tartar sauce, apple pie, curry dipped crispy fries, original kfc chicken, cheesy bbq melt wrap and finish off with a cedele chocolate cake at one sitting - and you can't do a damn fuckin' thing about it.simply because its 'no training' season. which means: no squash. no wakeboarding. no tennis. no rock climbing. no running.simply N-O-T-H-I-N-G.which also means, i can eat anything i want. ga...
More About: Peace

A Little Flattery Now & Then: I'm Touched!
2007-12-09 03:45:00
flattery will never fail to get you anywhere, but not when its done in private. i wld never have known about this little entry had a little birdie not alert me.i'm touched, seriously i am. erm...you had it done in this really nice calli font, big and all but i had to retouch it and get it done in really, really, really small font so thats it hard for people to read. afterall you miss out one important point: i am really pretty shy by nature in person. [obvious lame joke here...]but still thanks bo...very kind of ya. *schmuax*i thought i wanna share this with you guys, afterall how often do i actually get praises coming my way? :) sweet!*********************************** *******SHE WON ME OVER!She's sexy in her own rights, and I'm not even talking about her looks or figure. The way she laughs and how she carries herself with an air of authority and dignity has so much sexiness that she never fails to turn heads wherever she goes. Have I also mention how smart she is? She's smart ...
More About: Then

I'm Not Your "Cheers" Buddy
2007-12-09 01:52:00
apparently you're mad at me. and i don't know why. you walked off without a goodbye. you didn't come when i called for you. and you message me good night over the msn. its getting harder to draw you out nowadays. harder still to figure you out.sometimes i think your main aim for the day would be to knock me out senseless with your jerkiness & brattiness.since you came back: its no longer the same for you anymore between us huh? not assuming. kinda guessing it out. somehow you're now more comfortable to treat me like one of your beer buddy. you know the kind that you say 'cheers' with at the start of the day and at the end of it with no emotional involvement.you no longer message as much as you used to, no longer call as often as you used to. i guess things are picking up for you right now, and somehow i feel like i no longer have any use for you and its time that you chuck me aside. it hurts actually...not that i bother showing. whats the point? its not like you'll ever a...
More About: Buddy

And I Hate That I Love You So...
2007-12-09 01:36:00
As much as I love youAs much as I need youAnd I can't stand youMust everything you do make me wanna smileCan I not like you for awhile?But you won't let meYou upset me girlAnd then you kiss my lipsAll of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)Can't remember what you didBut I hate it...You know exactly what to doSo that I can't stay mad at youFor too long that's wrongBut I hate it...You know exactly how to touchSo that I don't want to fuss..and fight no moreSaid I despise that I adore youAnd I hate how much I love you boyI can't stand how much I need youAnd I hate how much I love you boyBut I just can't let you goAnd I hate that I love you so...You completely know the power that you haveThe only one makes me laughSaid it's not fairHow you take advantage of the factThat I...love you beyond the reason whyAnd it just ain't rightAnd I hate how much I love you girlI can't stand how much I need youAnd I hate how much I love you girlBut I just can't let you goBut I hate that I love...
More About: Love , Hate , I Love You , Hate That I Love You

Nothing Turns Me On More...
2007-12-08 05:30:00
than this...

I'm Missing You...
2007-12-05 11:04:00
someday when i'm awfully low, like now when i'm missing you so much. i play back our videos and pictures and stare at the screen for the longest time. and then i wonder what it would be like if we were to be back together again one day. and then i would remember the way you tease, the way you kiss...and i would ask myself how could something that seems so right be so wrong?there is nothing there for me but to love you, and yet you my dear sweetheart could never feel the same for me. i wonder if you're missing me, or if you actually thought of me while you're away. and then i doubt it. why would you when your arms are around the love of your life?i miss you sugar...come back soon...
More About: Missing You , Missing , Missi

Lookalikes Are Dangerous
2007-12-04 16:36:00
she looked at me and asked me where's the manager. i turned around and was about to replied that i have no idea when the words just died.and there she was. an exact lookalike for sporter.the features. her eyes. her lips. the way she smile. and when i stuttered my reply, she laughed. she laughs the same way as sporter did. that infectious giggle. for a moment there i really thought she was standing infront of me in person and then i saw the black uniform, and realised it was not one of the same.i smiled in relief and walked away.lookalikes are dangerous.
More About: Dangerous