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That Smell
2007-09-11 17:59:00
It was a virtual hostage situation. Me, cornered in my office without an escape plan. My client, sitting in front of me, his barong wrinkled like scrotum, with a breath so foul, it makes unflushed public toilet smell like baby powder.“Attorney, I have a problem regarding this lot I just bought in Cavite,” he said and then he went on and on, unwary that his exhales were curling up my nose hairs and sizzling my lungs. The last time I smelled something like that was around seventeen years ago, when I was still in grade six. The class was silently doing long division when, all of a sudden, an ineffable smell filled the room and soon, the entire school and neighboring houses. Classes were called off. An investigation was conducted.It turned out that John, a kid whose multi-purpose pencil case was coveted by everyone, crapped in his navy blue pants. After that incident, John turned from That Kid With An Enviable Pencil Case to That Kid With A Thermonuclear Waste. No wonder he hasn't ...
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Our Second Anniversary
2007-09-09 19:00:00
Dear Hubby,From me to you, back in September 10, 2005:"You don’t know how happy I am na tayo na. I’ll be the best partner I can be. We’ll inspire each other to do many things. I will never leave you. If problems come, let’s face and conquer them together. I love you very much. I’m looking forward to a future with you. I’m forever yours. Sorry if it’s too cheesy but I’m just trying to express what I’m truly feeling."Two years later, I still mean each cheesy word, space, and punctuation mark. Happy second anniversary, hubs! Ayravyu berimats!
More About: Anniversary

Him Again
2007-09-07 15:45:00
Sound the seven golden trumpets! Slay the fattened calves! Strew rose petals on the cobbled streets!Leandro Okabe has returneth.

Girl-ish
2007-09-06 15:15:00
Their faces are a make-up counter; their bloodstream, 65% estrogen; their male genital organs, tucked neatly away like the corners of a bed sheet. And, given the right eye-shadow, head tilt, and dim lights, they could pass off as a local celebrity's more fantabulous sistah. Or maybe not. Be the judge. Left: Geneva Cruz; Right: Ghynnievah Caruso Left: Regine Velazquez; Right: Reigne Velashqiuez Left: Phillip Salvador; Right: Phyllis Salva Left: Tina Paner; Right: Pan T. Left: Tim Yap; Right: Tim Yap Left: Rachel Lobangco; Right: Rhazzelle Loubancioux Left: Mystika; Right: Mhyztyckeia Left: Rachel Lobangco; Right: Rachelle Loubanks Left: Cristy Fermin; Right: (Name This Girl )

If His Bulge Can Sing
2007-09-03 17:30:00
Only in Misterhubs: Jake Gyllenhaal's flaccid penis singing The Little Mermaid's "Part of Your World."I wanna be where the people areI wanna see, wanna see them dancin'Walkin' around on those(Whad'ya call them?) oh -feetFlippin' your fins you don't get too farLegs are required for jumpin', dancin'Strollin' along down a(What's that word again?) streetUp where they walk...Up where they run...Up where they stay all day in the sun...Wandering free...Wish I could be...Part of your worldEverybody sing...
More About: Sing

Cable TV and The US Open
2007-09-02 15:59:00
*%!@ you, cable TV, you useless ^#$!-sucking mother-*%!@cker!That’s me, five days ago, fists clenched, rabidly cursing the flat screen monitor, who just stood silent and absorbed my abuse like an indicted war criminal. That's after I found out that none of the channels on my cable TV will be showing the US Open . Not ESPN, not Star Sports, not Solar Sports, not the NBA channel. I even rummaged the non-sports channels on the off-chance they’re broadcasting Roger Federer’s first round match / practice session but all I got were feuding televangelists, the mating ritual of Galapagos giant tortoises, and ads for a breast plumping cream.Not long after, my infuriation turned into a list of demands. I demanded a letter of apology, 2,500 words minimum, from my cable service provider for all its sins of omission, which include not carrying a channel devoted to Leandro Okabe, 24/7. I likewise demanded a refund of my parents’ money, a cash indemnity of at least half a million pesos fo...
More About: Cable , US Open