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MisterhubsMisterhubsA blog on movies, TV shows, celebrities, rumors, scandals, hunks, the legal profession, food, sports, and more, from the perspective of a cranky Filipino blogger.
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Coming
2007-11-10 12:35:00 I was lying in bed with my legs spread apart like I was about to give birth, maniacally (then later, mechanically) stroking my russet erection. It’s 7:20 p.m. and the room was silent save for the hypnotic whir of an electric fan. Next to me was a fat roll of tissue paper and an opened bottle of cocoa butter body lotion.Unbeknown to me, my mother had just arrived home. If I were to guess what she did before she barged into my room seconds later, I’d say she dropped her car keys on a ceramic bowl at the kitchen, turned on the lights at the dining room, wondered where everyone was, and instinctively headed towards my room to check up on me.I should have heard her heels click-clacking on the floor as she walked through the long, dark corridor leading to my room but I didn’t. I was so engrossed with what my dominant hand was doing to my core erogenous zone, pounding it into submission, milking it for all its worth. Oh, any second now and my entire being would be in rapture!But just...
Eyeball Number One
2007-11-04 17:20:00 I logged-in, browsed, selected. I wrote, sent, waited. He responded. I replied. He asked. I gave. He called. I answered.We chatted, acquainted, discussed, reminisced. We flirted, teased, joked, laughed. We fantasized, whispered, jerked, moaned. We climaxed, hanged-up, wiped.He called and suggested. I considered and agreed.I came, looked, waited. He arrived, saw, approached. I grinned. He smiled. We walked, entered, sat. We ordered, talked, relaxed. We ate, drank, stared. We left. We felt. We knew.He drove, he parked, we checked in. We unbuttoned, unzipped, undid. We showered, soaped, rinsed. We kissed, tongued, bit, licked. We groped, tickled, cupped, toyed. He knelt, tasted, sucked, bobbed. I directed, approved, edged.We rolled. Spread. Spit. Rubbed. Teased. Inserted. Squirmed. Adjusted. Shoved. Ached. Wriggled. Pushed. Rocked. Enjoyed. Pumped. Pounded. Accelerated. Clenched. Oohed. Exclaimed. Cursed. Begged. Screamed. Warned. Anticipated. Exploded. Arched. Throbbed. Subsided. Embr... More About: Eyeball , Number
Defragmentation Rant
2007-11-02 04:07:00 While others are luxuriating in some idyllic beach-resort-spa place this long weekend, I'm currently defragmenting files in my laptop using Windows' default Disk Defragment er program, which, I believe, is powered by crippled nano turtles and, at the rate at it's going, will approximately take three to twenty generations to finish.Sigh. Wake me up when the defragmentation is finally completed. By that time, I'll probably have Alzheimer's, silver pubes, and wet stool in my adult diaper. Until then. More About: Rant , Fragment
Bad Vibrations
2007-10-30 17:52:00 I felt it --- a vague shiver inside my pocket ---- as I was walking along an empty sidewalk, strewn with urban litter, some time past midnight. I intuited that my worried mother, with curlers on her hair and anti-aging cream on her face, had just sent me a text message asking what time I’ll be back home. But when I checked my cellphone, I saw no new arrivals in my inbox.Strange. Thinking nothing more of it, I put the phone back in my pocket and quickened my steps. A giant city rat with a tail as thick as power cable dashed across my path in the direction of a vacant parking lot which, at night, resembled a graveyard. Above, a chewed-up, pockmarked moon cast its dull, yellowish light as if struck with hepatitis. I hurried along.I was just a few blocks away from home when I sensed another vibration inside my pocket. I stopped and, for a few seconds, stood silent amidst the overlapping shadows of my concrete surroundings, feeling the faint but palpable tremors of my phone. Surely, I ... More About: Vibrations
Chipmunks: A Love Story
2007-10-28 06:45:00 "Simone, I can't hold back my feelings any longer. I must tell you that I... I love you.""Oh Alvin. How long have I waited to hear those words from you. See, I love you too..."Then, as the two little chipmunks held each other in a tight embrace, a speeding monster truck, out of nowhere, drove through both of them, leaving behind one gooey mess.--- The End ---(Moral of the story: Don't stand in the way of oncoming traffic.)Image from 4durt's Flickr page. More About: Love , Story , Love story , A Love Story , Chipmunks
Apologize
2007-10-26 02:24:00 I’ve just come back from my echoic bathroom where, for the past couple of minutes, I’ve been singing the song, Apologize , in front of a foggy mirror in the most melodramatic way, my left hand microphoning a hairbrush, my right hand pantomiming some great emotion, while imagining a captive audience which includes the Ex Who Did Me Wrong But Now Wants Me Back (Mostly For Carnal Pleasures), the Grade School Classmate Who Stole My Glow-In-The-Dark He-Man Ring, and the Acquaintance Who Made Me Wait For Four Hours and Then Stood Me Up.I know, it’s unusual behavior. But see, Apologize is one of those songs which, every now and then, comes along and hijacks certain lobes in my brain, compelling me to sing it or hum it or lip-sync it, wherever I am, be it indoor or outdoor, over and over again for several weeks or months even; thus, my recent restroom performance. (Other songs which had the same effect on me in the past include Stay by the Shakespeare Sisters, The Blower’s Daughter b... More About: Polo , Logi
Ogie's Outfit
2007-10-24 17:45:00 The most disturbing thing about this is...(A) That people paid good money to see this;(B) The ensemble (elfin shorts, hooker hosiery, crisscrossed ribbons) in Banana Ketchup Red;(C) Ogie's pencil eraser genitalia;(D) None of the above; it's __________.(Hmm. What if I wear this for our Halloween party?) More About: Outfit
Nice Chatting With You
2007-10-22 18:00:00 (Unfamiliar number): Hey. Care 2 chat?Misterhubs: Who’s this?(Unfamiliar number): Gabby. 24 Pasig. NASL?...Misterhubs: Franz. 25 M Makati.Gabby: Cool. Whats up?Misterhubs: Just took a bath. How about you?Gabby: Still in bed. What u wearing?Misterhubs: Only a towel.Gabby: Take it off now.Misterhubs: Why?Gabby: I wanna see you naked.Misterhubs: Really now. :-)Gabby: Yeah…Misterhubs: Then what?Gabby: Lick u all over. Top 2 bottom.Misterhubs: Nice .Gabby: Then suck u off.Misterhubs: Are you good at sucking?Gabby: Damn good.Misterhubs: Awesome.Gabby: Tell me what u gonna do 2 me.Misterhubs: I’ll start with kissing your neck.Gabby: Aah. That feels good…Misterhubs: Then work my way down to your nips.Gabby: Oooh. Keep going Franz. I like that…Misterhubs: Then I’m gonna stroke your cock....Misterhubs: And play with your balls.......Misterhubs: Hello? Still there?Gabby: Yup.......Gabby: Btw, I’m a girl.......Misterhubs: Oh.............Misterhubs: Nice chatting with you. Bye.Gabby... More About: With You , Chatting
Misterhubs The Stalker
2007-10-22 01:09:00 I’ve been stalking him for weeks now, this freshman. I knew his class schedule, his usual parking slot, his mannerisms, the fact that he uses two neon highlighters to mark certain key words and phrases, yellow for the first reading, orange for the second. Many electrifying times, at hallways and stairs, I’ve brushed past his hairy arms and wide shoulders. And once, inside a crowded elevator, I got so close to him I could’ve touched the back of his neck with the tip of my tongue.At night, I visualized me and him in a thousand-plus scenarios, all ending in ripped clothes and slobbering kisses and his lean body (actually, my pillow) over mine. The only hitch was, in my fantasies, I couldn’t capture his image perfectly. I could conjure his chinito eyes and movie-star nose but when it came down to the other details --- his right dimple, his ear lobes, the tiny dent in his upper lip --- my mental faculties faltered. My memory had become unreliable. That’s why I decided to take h... More About: Stalker , Talker
Glorietta 2 Explosion
2007-10-19 11:16:00 One second, you're strolling inside Glorietta 2, deciding whether to buy a new pair of shoes. The next, you're dead, one of the many casualties of an explosion. Such is the ephemeral nature of life.Note to self: Live each day as if it was your last. Try something new. Make someone happy. More About: Explosion
My 250th Post
2007-10-17 05:56:00 No, I haven’t died, descended into hell and, on the third day, ascended into heaven. I’m still here, breathing, burping, but with a universe of distractions (work, movies, life, etc.) keeping my mind off blogging. But I know, like time, trains, and menstrual pain, this too will pass.By the way, this is officially my 250th post. I dedicate this milestone entry to hubby who’s flying to Bangkok tomorrow for some overnight event.Post script: If this turns out to be my last post here, then I'd like to end it by finally identifying myself…But this isn’t my last post. I still have a shipload of things to say (and blog income to earn). ‘Til the next 250 posts!
Long Weekend Hang-Over
2007-10-15 14:16:00 The long weekend (which isn’t long enough, if you ask me) has come and gone but I’m still stone-drunk with sloth and lethargy. At work, an uncomplicated demand letter (to an oft-advertised skin clinic which botched a supposedly non-invasive procedure and turned my client’s already imperfect skin into a horror show) took me an unprecedented four hours to draft; three, if you deduct the time I spent updating my Twitter page, YM-ing my friends, and staring blankly at the computer screen like a prisoner gazing at the ceiling of his shoe-box cell.I hope I’ll be more productive tomorrow. More vibrant! More snappy! Write a Pre-Trial Brief in less than an hour!But for now, I prefer to just laze in an idle haze. More About: Weekend , Long , Hang
Gretchen Barretto And Her Mystery Date
2007-10-11 17:59:00 Well, well, well. Look who a paparazzo's lens has caught: Gretchen Barretto, out on a sunny date with a man who isn't her partner slash checking account, Tonyboy Cojuangco. Oh, La Greta, you naughty, little minx, you just had to do it out in the open, don't you?Gretchen: "So, how much money do you make?"Myst ery Man: (whispers amount)Gretchen: Mmm... (Having a mini orgasm)Gretchen: "Nice butt you got there."Gretchen: "You're gonna do what to me later?"Mystery Man: (whispers his plans)Gretchen: "Waiter! Check please!" More About: Etch
Spanish Film Festival
2007-10-09 07:50:00 Tired of the same old Hollywood movies with plotlines you can spot from 10,000 galaxies away with just one cataracted eye? Then you may want to catch some of the Spanish films currently being shown in Greenbelt 3 (for just P65 at that). Among the 15 movies left, I highly recommend these two quirky romantic comedies:1. El proximo Oriente. Two brothers named Cain and Abel fall in love with the same girl, Aisha, the daughter of a Bangladesh family. Culture clash ensues. Showing on October 10, Wednesday, 9:30 pm; and October 13, Saturday, 7:00 pm.2. Semen, una historia de amor. Serafin, who works in a clinic for artificial insemination, secretly uses his own semen for the implant of a patient he is falling in love with. Showing on October 14, Sunday, 4:30 PM.Notable mentions are Habana Blues (Oct. 9, 7:00 pm) and --- takes deep breath --- Azuloscurocasinegro (Oct. 12, 12 am). This week, hubby and I will try to catch a few more movies (Tu vida en '65 and La vida secreta de las palabras ... More About: Film , Festival , Film Festival , Nish
Shake, Body Body Dancer
2007-10-07 17:59:00 Here's an adorable commercial from Thailand featuring a bunch of guys in a photo shoot dry humping the air. For some reason, I'm riveted to the guy holding the boom mike. Watch and smile: More About: Body , Dancer
John Pratts and Diether Ocampo
2007-10-06 04:03:00 Backstage, John Pratts and Diether Ocampo are:(A) Rehearsing their Village People routine.(B) Hugging a giant, invisible penis.(C) Singing that old kid's song, Sasara ang bulaklak, bubuka ang bulaklak, dadaan ang reyna, pa-kembot-kembot pa...(D) None of the above; they're actually ______________.
Extra Briefs
2007-10-04 17:57:00 I was hunched over in one corner of the locker room, putting a sock on, when he (late 20s, 6 feet plus, boyish face) stepped out of the shower with a white towel wrapped precariously around his loins. His skin was smooth and opaque like river stones and a thick vein zigzagged down his right bicep like a petrified bolt of lightning.Hallelujah, the all-boys choir in my head sang. Right away, I began taking mental Polaroids of this fine male specimen for future reference, all the while pretending to adjust my glasses.“Sh*t,” he muttered as he riffled through the stuff inside his locker. He then looked around, saw me, deliberated for a few seconds, and said, “Hi. Do you happen to have extra briefs that I can borrow?” with a twinge of urgency in his voice.Now, there have been times in the past when my ears would play tricks on me and transform an innocent remark into something pornographic. Like the time when my Chemistry lab partner asked me, “Did you flunk the test too?” wh... More About: Extra , Briefs , Brief
Faces
2007-10-02 16:12:00 Look around you. See that ticking wall clock, that crumpled paper, that cement-colored cloud? Stare intently at these and other objects and you may just see a recognizable face. For example... Left: Light fixtures; Right: Homer Simpson Left: Garden path; Right: Tim YapBrought to you by: misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: A stone object; Right: Pong PagongBrought to you by: misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Rooftop; Right: Imelda MarcosBrought to you by: misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Faucet; Right: Fidel RamosBrought to you by misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Kitchen gadget; Right: Nyoy VolanteBrought to you by: Misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Toy guitar; Right: Sharon CunetaBrought to you by: Misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Chair; Right: Arnold ClavioBrought to you by: misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Cement post; Right: Heath Ledger (as the Joker)Brought to you by: Misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Open zipper; Right: Geneva CruzBrought to you by: misterhubs.blogspot.com Left: Seat tray holder; Right: KC... More About: Faces
The Leandro Okabe Chant
2007-10-01 13:47:00 Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.(Repeat chant after each photo)Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.Your face is comely; your body gorgeousNow let us have a look at your penis.For maximum results, say chant 7x a day, preferably at these times:4:45 AM, 7:05 AM, 10:12 AM, 1:26 PM, 3:08 PM, 7:30 PM, 11:27 PM More About: Chan , Kabe , Chant
My Day
2007-09-29 19:00:00 My Thursday morning began with me waking up, feeling like there were a hundred microscopic jack hammers drilling my cranium. Then I found out, in chronological order, that I’ve ran out of headache pills, that the maid had arsoned my breakfast, that the toilet wouldn’t flush my corn-speckled turd, and that my nose was three months pregnant with a pimple.I fled to the office, hoping that my day would turn from bad to good over there. But no; it turned from bad to Dante’s Inferno. My secretary was absent. The air-conditioning unit and the Xerox machine were both out of order. The phone shrieked incessantly with client calls. My computer decided to run slower than an old, arthritic turtle. Somebody used my favorite coffee mug and dropped it, accidentally, of course, on the pitiless hardwood floor.When night fell, I braced myself for more unfortunate events. A bout of food-poisoning perhaps. Or a spectacular vehicular accident. Or maybe, a space satellite would crash upon me, endin...
Sunshine Cruz
2007-09-28 14:30:00 In a number of interviews, Sunshine Cruz has said that when she's in the U.S., people often mistake her for Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts? Really now. I don't know about you but to me, from this angle, she looks more like... ... The Joker.Speaking of whom, check out this promo shot of Heath Ledger as Batman's neurotic nemesis.They've turned him into a psycho Ronald McDonald. Zexy.
Miscellany
2007-09-24 16:52:00 Screw coherence. I'm spraying my thoughts, like a porn star's jism, all over the place tonight.* * *Is it cocaine? Crystal meth? Plain old rugby? Whatever it is, I'm quite certain the makers of Chocnut have added an extra somethin' somethin' to their petite milk chocolate bars. How else to explain my snorting addiction to this supposedly innocent candy? Officials of the Bureau of Food and Drugs Administration, please do something about this before I start injecting this dope up my arm. (Opening another bag of Chocnut.)* * *I just found this on You-Tube, a video of the 'SiBoom, SiBoom' TV commercial featuring the APO Hiking Society, Bert Marcelo, and the walking vagina that is Rachel Lobangco. This ad, by the way, is one of my 20 Top Classic Filipino Commercials. Watch it.* * *The fourth season of Lost is still light-months away. Sigh. So right now, I have to make do with the new season of Survivor, America's Next Top Model, and Ugly Betty. Or should I say Gay, Gayer, and Gay... More About: Miscellany
Riding The Rails
2007-09-23 15:42:00 The following pop-pysch game is brought to you by Tadahiko Nagao and Isamu Saito, authors of the Kokology and Kokology 2, available in Fully Booked and other bookstores.You’re riding on a crowded subway when you see that a single seat has opened up nearby. You are just about to sit down when you notice another person has also begun moving toward the same empty seat. What do you do?1. Take the seat, of course.2. Hesitate and look around before doing anything.3. Let the other person have the seat.4. Move to another car.It may not be the most glamorous way to go, and you can’t expect much of the view, but sometimes a trip on the subway is the only way to get where you’re going. In that sense, subways are a lot like blind dates. And in both situations, it isn’t always easy to change course once you’re started heading down the wrong track. The way you saw yourself confronting the problem of taking the seat corresponds to the way you would act when you wanted to turn down a seco... More About: Rails , Riding
If Regine and ET Mated
2007-09-22 02:58:00 Unearth below the core-shaking Answer to one of Life's most recondite mysteries --- What if Regine Velasquez and E.T. spawned a secret love child?Lips from mom.Eyes from dad.Nose, 50/50.
An Open Letter
2007-09-19 17:59:00 To The Man In The Elevator:“Sorry”, I know, is not a word to be tossed around lightly like garden salad. But when you’re inside an elevator in the company of a living, breathing human being and, intentionally or not, you make firecracker sounds out of your sphincter and let loose from the depths of hell the ghosts of your recent meal, which, according to my keen olfactory senses, had beans, yogurt, bagoong, onions, and (sniff) sweet potatoes in it, common decency demands that you apologize to your defenseless, collateral victim.Don't stand there in front of the shiny door and pretend that I, your only co-passenger in that small, confined space, didn't hear it, didn't smell it. I did, buster. Worse than that, I became one with it. As I type this, I can almost feel your dirty gas stuck inside my non-smoker's lungs.A quiet sorry, a simple shrug of the shoulders saying “Oops, my bad”, would’ve been enough for me. But no, you didn't even give me the courtesy of an apolog... More About: Open , Letter , Open Letter
Sportsmen
2007-09-18 15:11:00 The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat. The leg splits of Alexei Nemov. These are just some of the reasons why I love watching sports, specifically sportsmen, specifically the bulges of sportsmen, specifically the bulges of sportsmen in their lower extremities, specifically the bulges of sportsmen in their lower extremities when they pop out of their shorts.Which brings us to...Get. That. Ball. Get. That. Ball.Your body temperature is 37 degrees Celsius.Juan Carlos, eat my banana.There. I'm almost in.There goes my virginity.The pole vaulterKagigiiil! Mmm! Eyes on the ball.Heavyweight divisionCareful with your teeth.Misterhubs.blogspot.com More About: Ports , Sportsmen
Iron Penis Man
2007-09-17 17:59:00 First, there was Iron Man. Then came the Iron Chef. And now, saving the world with his thickset testicles of titanium, here's Iron Penis Man. See IPM and his steel-scrotum sidekicks in training.The next time my car stalls on the highway, you know who I'm gonna call.
My Celebrity Look-Alike
2007-09-16 16:54:00 2002. Me, sitting in the couch, talking on the phone with cutemakati23, a guy whom I’ve just met online but, within seconds after our initial “Hi. Care to chat?”, I knew to be The One.“Hey Franz (my assumed name). I have a question", he asked.“Shoot.” I girlishly twirled the telephone cord like hair.“Do you have a celebrity look-alike? Foreign or local maybe?” His voice, dripping with expectations.I paused. As I have learned from experience, this question should be handled delicately as one would a butterfly. My answer could spell the difference between Happily Ever After With The One and Weekend DVD Marathons For All Eternity.If I answered, “What kind of superficial question is that? I don’t resemble any celebrity. My look is unique, one of a kind!”, I might just end up sounding like a defensive circus freak with extra body parts. His interest in me would go downhill faster than an Olympic skier. Must not let that happen. He's, after all, The One. This was ac... More About: Celebrity , Look-alike
The Balloon
2007-09-14 18:36:00 Late afternoon. The sun was bleeding profusely like a punctured egg-yolk. So was my left knee, which I’ve scraped badly after falling off my bike while speeding down the street, trying to overtake Carl. It didn’t really hurt and I could’ve raced my Carl and Bjorn and Janelle and the rest of the Centurions (that’s we call our clique) again but I decided to go home and band-aid the geyser wound before my yaya finds out about it and never lets me out of the house until the next decade, the ‘90s.With my head down like a bendable night lamp, I followed the vertical line which ran along the center of the street, the same line where I ran many times as a patotot in patintero. I was just a few steps away from my house when I saw, what seemed at first, a fat, pinkish worm sleeping on the ground.Curious, I bent down and inspected the worm which turned out not to be a worm but a deflated balloon, probably a left-over from our neighbor’s noisy party yesterday.I looked around, to the... More About: Balloon , Allo
"Leave Britney Alone!!!"
More articles from this author:2007-09-12 13:11:00 A Britney Spears fan of indeterminate gender, channeling his/her inner Meryl Streep, makes an impassioned plea to the cruel, cruel world to "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!" because "SHE'S A HUMAN!!!" Grab your hankies, folks. This is an absolute tearjerker.My guess is that he/she missed his/her hormone shots for the day. More About: Leave , Leave Britney Alone 1, 2 |
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