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Supernatural: House of the Holy
2007-02-03 11:10:01
An angel of God came down and told this one lady to stab this dude in the heart. The Super natural boys think there is more to it than that. And Dean decided to test out the Magic Fingers of their cheep hotel room. I have not seen one of these beds in reality. Has anyone else? Dean doesn’t believe in angels. Which is odd, because he deals with demons all the time. That’s the weirdest skepticism I’m ever heard. 11 minutes in and there haven’t been any credits yet. This episode is getting all Veronica Mars length on us. Another angel, another knife through the heart. These angels are all into this vigilantly justice. You can’t really get orders handed down from any higher than God, I guess. I wonder how the CEO of the universe feels about his earnings report for Q4 of 2006. First knife heart victim was a serial killer. The second one was a pedophile. These angels are making some good calls. Ahhh. Got it. The victims went to the same Catholic church. So the...
More About: House , Natural , Holy

The Office: Ben Franklin
2007-02-03 11:10:01
I guarantee at least twenty hearty laughs during this episode of The Office . Two laughs in the first minute. I made a good guarantee. Phillis is getting married in a week, so the office is getting ready to celebrate. It will involve a “one hour shower with guys.” Packard! He hasn’t been around for a while! What a wonderful jerk. Michael has decided that it’s a good idea to hire strippers. Jim, charged with hiring a male stripper, hired an educational speaker who dressed as Benjamin Fran klin. I’m smiling really big right now. You could see my teeth of you took a look. Creed! Finally some creepy Creed scarffing down man meat. Lots of fantastic Pam-Jim-Karen tension this episode. Who knew just how uncomfortable a non-dead stripper at a bachelor party could be? Benjamin Frank lin is coming on to Pam.
More About: The Office , Rank

My Name Is Earl: Foreign Exchange Student
2007-02-03 11:10:01
My first choice tonight is My Name Is Earl . My actual choice would be to not watch TV at this time, because Earl has been disappointingly me time and time again. I can only hope that tonight will be different. I fear it will not be. Earl is back to his list this episode. He picked on an exchange student in school, and sent this French fellow a ticket to give America another try. That’s pretty good. Then he totally atomized an apple into the back of his head. I laughed really hard. Pierre punched Earl in the face. Then Earl stole his passport so he couldn’t leave. Now snooty Pierre is trying to get to know America in Hicktown, USA. This show has been a little less horrible than usual, but I haven’t belly laughed like I used to. Remember when we sat hand in hand under the banana trees, My Name Is Earl? What happened to us? Pierre just wanted to kiss American girls. Easily solved. Who doesn’t love kissing American girls? Spiders? Spiders.
More About: Student , Change , Exchange

House
2007-01-31 11:08:02
House is stuck doing clinic duty and testing for STDs. Then a crazy man grabbed his head and started running around the lobby. Unless his head really does hurt. Then he isn’t crazy. Just right. Crazy man had a cockroach in his ear. It was biting him. Maybe it was a zombie cockroach! It wanted brains! Oddly enough, House doesn’t have a case yet. Clinic duty is the case this episode. This is a fine departure from the standard formula. We get to dive a little more deeply into House’s brain. There are a couple of patients. House is dealing with a rape victim who wants to be seen only by House. Cameron is treating a homeless man with an inoperable tumor. Now that House isn’t under investigation by the police, they must need a new sub plot. The raped girl just wants to talk. Life is just a series of rooms, or something like that. And who you get stuck in those rooms with is what matters. And now House has to tell her that she’s pregnant. If there are no answe...
More About: House , Ouse

American Idol
2007-01-31 11:08:02
AI is in AL tonight. We’re going to hear a lot of crappy country. CC as I call it for short. But the “crap” sound really cuts to the heart of the feeling. I love when people keep singing after they were told no. If you believe in ghosts, there is your proof that people don’t move on in the face of overwhelming proof. If I can’t tell where your boobies stop and your stomach starts, you have some issues that need to be taken care of. Wacky outfits don’t work. Lying about your age doesn’t work either. Unless you’re a 29 year old posing as a middle school student. Usually I don’t like sob stories. But this girl helps her grandmother take care of her paralyzed father. How did her father get paralyzed? He shot himself in the neck. After he shot his wife who was cheating on him. That’s some clean country living. Paula had to go back to Hollywood for the second day of auditions on a family issue. She has to spend some time with her...
More About: America , American Idol , American , Idol

My Choice
2007-01-31 11:08:02
It’s time for a short change in format, everybody. The next two or three weeks will be My Choi ce meaning I choose what I watch. I realized that you guys don’t really know the things I would rather spend my time watching. So voting is called off for a short while. It’ll be back soon. But until then, enjoy my favorites. Or, at least, the best of what is on TV at the time. Because it still might be utter garbage.

24: Day 6: 11:00 AM-12:00 Noon
2007-01-31 11:08:02
Last week, Two and a Half Men beat Heroes in Nielsen ratings. Heroes beat 24 in the ratings. How can this possible be? When last we saw Jack, he was suffocating his evil brother with a plastic bag to get information. Just another Thanksgiving for the Bauers. There is a lot of talk about civil liberties this season. Civil liberties are a good thing. You should get yourself some. Bauer’s brother is talking now. But can we believe anything he says? He did want to start a war last season. Right? Wasn’t that his deal? We all have those ideas, but we never act on them. Buy steel at a low price. Start a war. Profit like a those cartoon cats wearing suits and top hats. Poor creepy looking Milo. He meets with nothing but attitude from his underlings. Maybe if he wasn’t so creepy. Or tall. Or maybe if he just shaved that dirt off his face. Karen Hayes is being blackmailed by evil Tom “I Hate Civil Liberties” Something. Something isn’t really his last name. ...

My Super Sweet 16
2007-01-31 11:08:02
My Super Sweet 16 is about spoiled brats getting their way. The people who watch this show for pleasure also like to put bags over their heads while doing the nasty. For pleasure. Stephanie is our “sexy mama” from South Beach. She has a Versace crown, purchased by her mother. The more I type, the angrier I get. Why do little people have a hard time being taken seriously? Because you can hire them to break dance at your party. I blame their parents. Can’t they just take her out for ice cream on her sweet 16? She doesn’t need fire jugglers and pictures out of a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper. It is hard to gage how terrible this show is. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t real. Would I rather watch The Class than this? That is hard to gage as well. It’s hard to believe that Stephanie doesn’t have a boyfriend. Who wouldn’t want baggage like this?

How I Met Your Mother: Ted Mosby, Architect
2007-01-31 11:08:02
How I Met Your Mother is a repeat. And I think I’ve seen it. Phallic building? Yep, seen it. Dang. Weren’t all TV shows just on a month long break? Ted and Robin had their first fight. Ted is goaded into using his architect status (architect status?) to pick up the ladies now. His lady, who got snippy with him about listening to his work stories, is now worried that he will fall into the arms of another temptress. And funny things are said. That’s TV for you. Ahhhh, brilliant. Ted did go out to work, and all the flashbacks were actually Barney pretending to be “Ted Mosby, Archi tect.” That’s some good writing. Remember when I said “that’s TV for you?” They sure showed me. You can stuff my mouth with honey and cement, leaving it to dry in the Grecian sun.
More About: Other , How I Met Your Mother

1 vs 100
2007-01-27 23:05:01
I haven’t seen 1 vs 100 for a few months. I have this thing about one hour game shows wasting my time. But I don’t hate 1 vs 100 like I hate opening random suitcases. How can I comment on this show? I can call people idiots when they miss easy questions. I can make fun of the hyperhidrosis of the contestants. I can tell you if someone won or lost. But you don’t want to know any of this. I wonder if I could write some 1 vs 100 fan fiction. It would be a first, that is for sure. Death in the Bleachers A 1 vs 100 fan fiction by Aric McKeown The large hunting knife slipped swiftly from the oddly small hands of Bob Saget. It hit the floor with a loud metal crash, echoing off the far walls of the empty and seemingly boundless studio. There were no cheers or jeers to accompany the most dramatic ever to take place on the set of 1 vs 100. A torrent of blood spilled down the bleachers where the Mob members had taken their places time after time. Laying dead in the shadow of ...

VH1 News Presents: Child Star Parents Exposed
2007-01-27 23:05:01
Little Beauties: Ultimate Kiddie Queen Showdown is all about child stars and child star families. Oh wait, this is VH1 News Presents : Child Star Parents Expo sed. You lied to me, TV Guide! I do have a feeling that Little Beauties: Ultimate Kiddie Queen Showdown would have been a bit freaky for me. Child beauty contests are scary. Did you know there was a VH1 News department? It must be hard being in charge of so much fluff. A slight breeze could blow it all away. Lindsay Lohan had a terrible papa. Hillary Duff has a controlling mother. Joe Jackson rode his children’s fame all the way to LA. Macaulay Culkin’s dad sucked. This is hard hitting news, people! I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of tabloids. Spears. Simpson. Shields. If you have a last name that starts with S, you are screwed. Take a breath, VH1! We don’t need this much information this fast. And chew your food a few times before you swallow. I’m really sick of this show. It’s poison disg...

Supernatural: Night Shifter
2007-01-26 05:02:01
At least Super natural is new, even if The Office isn’t. It looks like our boys got themselves into a bit of bank robbing trouble somehow. When in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, take a brewery tour and rob a bank. A bank and a jewelry store had been hit by employees of these places in the last two weeks. Then the employee who pulled the crime went home and committed suicide. Allegedly. Some large hairy fellow thinks the robbers are actually shape shifting robots. Mandroids, he calls them. Our FBI spoofing lads told him he was imagining things, while confiscating his evidence. It’s actually a shape shifter. You may or may not remember the shape shifter that turned into Dean and framed him for murder. Too bad Large Hairy went crazy and decided to hold everyone in a bank hostage. Never trust Large Hairy. Unless he’s Hurley. Dean, the smooth talker that he is, calms Large Hairy down. Large Hair insists on locking everyone in the vault while he and Dean search for shape shifters....
More About: Natural , Night , Shift

Smallville: Labyrinth
2007-01-26 05:02:01
Smallville is about Superman. I mean, Clark Kent. His dog heard something he couldn’t. Then he got knocked out. Then he ended up in an insane asylum where he just thinks he is Superman. Hey, that’s a pretty good start. I want to keep watching! He should know that the insane asylum is the fake reality, since it is shot in a dream like filter. The asylum guards are wearing short sleeve white shirts and little black bow ties! Asylums creep me out. Do I need to bring up Return to OZ again? Clark escaped by assaulting a janitor. He doesn’t have his powers in this fake reality. And everything in town doesn’t match his memories. You know, because of the dream world he is in. This whole premise seems very familiar. I can’t put my finger on it though. Clark’s mom married Papa Luthor. It’s like everything is all…bizzaro. “Since your super speed is out of gas, take my Yaris.” Let us go buy ourselves a Yaris! Lex has no legs! Bizzaro! ...
More About: Smallville , Mall , Labyrinth , Ville

Beauty and the Geek: Beauties and the Beach
2007-01-25 17:01:21
The title of this Beau ty and the Geek episode is Beauties and the Beach . This is a play on the title of the show! Which is a play on Beauty and the Beast! How smart and clever and interesting! The writers for this show need more money because they are so good! This show sucks. Two worlds colliding couldn’t be any more boring. Now it’s time to go to the beach! Tee hee hee! How fun! I have blond hair and love the beach and also am abstractly endowed in the chestal area! The geeks have to make up a fitness routine. The beauties need to read books or something. The geeks have all sorts of interesting challenges, and the beauties always need to read books and study something. Way to switch it up! Books! Erin decided to do a little stripper dance on the yacht the contestants went out on. The geeks were rather concerned that she would fall and hurt herself. All that booty shaking can make a body mighty unstable. The girls have to use a metal detector and dig in the sand. Then t...
More About: Beauty and the Geek

One Tree Hill: Resolve
2007-01-25 17:01:21
One Tree Hill = proof that you hate me The events that shook everything up three episodes ago have now been resolved. So it’s like they didn’t even happen. Way to stick out your neck for a split second, Mr. Turtle. That was really brave of you. Nate is going to strip to make money this episode. Fast forward an hour and he has decided it isn’t for him. Can I stop watching now? Did you see the blatant product placement for MusicID from Cingular Wireless? No? I am sorry you are blind and deaf. Please accept my apologies. Drama! The principal found that some test keys were stolen! These actors sure are teenagers alright. “Take another pill, Drunkie,” is the best comeback ever. No way to respond to that! Well crafted, One Tree Hill wordsmiths! Oh no! Nate’s drunk mother is going to OD on oregano! Nathan stripped to buy his pregnant wife a maternity prom dress. But who hasn’t done that? I’ve had so many pregnant prom wives. But then again, I...
More About: One Tree Hill

Gilmore Girls: Santa?s Secret Stuff
2007-01-24 04:59:03
I finally figured out what I dislike the most about Gilmore Girl s . It is not the constantly wacky situations they get in to. If it were, then I should hate The Office for the exact same reason. Seeing as how I love The Office, it must be something else. I hate Gilmore Girls because they know full well they are getting in to wacky situations. They do it on purpose, and acknowledge it. “Aren’t we crazy for having Christmas late,” they think and say to themselves. If they had goatees and creepy eyebrows, they would be thinking about their wackiness while while stroking said hairy objects. Seven Christmas trees? Oh Girls of Gilmore. You’re so crazy. Bland (Lorelai) is asked by her ex, Scruffy (Luke), to write a letter for him. Something about being a character witness for his custody of his kid they he just found out he had. Is that boring enough for you? This show becomes a lot better if you pretend everyone is eternally stuck in limbo. This is where they will b...
More About: Stuff , Santa

Veronica Mars: Show Me the Monkey
2007-01-24 04:59:03
Veronica Mars is back! You know, until it disappears for another eight weeks on March 8th. That’s what they like to call “giving them the old broom handle up the ying-yang.” Ed Begley Jr. was murdered last episode, so there’s a little continuing mystery. Also, test monkeys were stolen. I can’t complain about stolen monkeys. That’s a fine plot. It’s time for the Around the World dorm party! Did anyone have one of these in college? I sure didn’t. Keith is talking to Weevil, who is the college janitor. For the whole college? That seems impossible. Probably just part of it. Dick just took a Polaroid of his, well, junk and threw it off the balcony. Such a crude guy. It’s fun stuff. Veronica is going undercover with some animal activists to find the test monkeys. Hey, that’s kind of weird. Isn’t Kristen Bell a vegetarian? Hey, that’s kind of weird that I know that. The dating scene is now open to Veronica since she an...
More About: Veronica Mars , Monk , Monkey , Show

How I Met Your Mother: Columns
2007-01-23 04:58:02
How I Met Your Mother made me laugh right off the bat. Off the bat? I know that means “from the start,” but how did that phrase come about? Were bats the first animal on the ark? Bryan Cranston, of Malcolm in the Middle, plays the role of Ted’s boss again this episode. Except now Ted is the boss. Birthdays are great comedy fodder. It was Bryan’s birthday, so he couldn’t be fired. After the age of ten, all birthdays are a disappointment. We think they are going to be good, but they never are. Marshall has a nude painting, which is the zany subplot for the episode. Which I’m okay with it. Hey, you know what? I think this show has finally become funnier than My Name is Earl. You had it, but lost it Earl. Hang your head in shame. The laugh track is still annoying and plays more often than it should. Nothing in life is as funny as laugh tracks make it seem. Not even a fat clown riding a horse on a plain of Jell-O.
More About: Other , How I Met Your Mother , Column

Hogan Knows Best: Brooke Bears All
2007-01-23 04:58:02
It’s time for the fairly terrible Hogan Know s Best . Do you know who looks like a man? Here’s a clue. It’s not the Hulkster. Actually, it’s a bit of a trick question. It’s Brooke and her mother. Men! They look like men look. Here’s another question. Who sings like a man? Here’s a clue. It’s not the Hulkster. Brooke is singing at a reggae festival. Reggae festival? Which events promoter got paid off to make this happen? Now someone with an obvious brain malady has offer the boy named Brooke the cover of FHM magazine and an eight page spread. Everyone refers to FHM as the “sexy magazine.” This is where that lipstick on pig phrase comes in to play. What is the Hulkster’s response? He is upset. This causes him to hit all the local stores buying every copy of FHM available. That’s not too different from what I do on the first of every month.
More About: Bears , Rook

Heroes: Godsend
2007-01-23 04:58:02
Heroes is back, beating out 24 by one vote. With it, comes a new catch phrase. “Are you on the list?” Be prepared to hear that for the next few weeks. Changes are settling in for the heroes. Hiro is in New York looking for a sword. Sylar has bugs crawling around his cell. Claire is pretending her memory was erased. Nikki is in jail and hopefully we’ll see less of her. That’s enough recap for now. Time for some gut reactions. Oh yeah, Peter had a heart attack and/or vision from absorbing too many powers. Sponges know just how much absorbing they can take. If there is too much, they won’t soak it up. We should be more like sponges. Hey! The Doctor is in this episode. Hot damn, I like Heroes even more now. That symbol that you can see tattooed on some of the heroes’ bodies? It’s a combination of characters that mean “great power” and “godsend.” There’s a mystery solved. Finally some answers out of Lost. I mean, Her...
More About: God , Heroes , Send , Hero

PopLoad
2007-01-23 04:58:02
Hey, you still there? Good. You should listen to me on Pop Load in about 20 minutes. I’ll be on there talking about something. TV, I think. Is that what my website is about? Yeah? Okay, then good. Come listen!

Sorry, folks. My wife got popped in the nose at work today a
2007-01-13 16:50:05
Sorry, folks. My wife got popped in the nose at work today and it might be broken so I’m taking her to urgent care. In the meantime, watch some shows about sharks. They have very good noses.
More About: Pop , Wife , Work , Today , The N

Supernatural: Hunted
2007-01-12 04:49:01
This viewing of Super natural is sponsored by Wendy Horton with a shoutout to the good folks at Supernatural.tv. Wendy probably sponsored tonight so Scrubs fans can’t sponsor the evening over Supernatural again. Huzzah! What am I saying? I never say huzzah. I’m really excited to be watching Supernatural again. Even though I don’t believe in the supernatural. Isn’t that weird? I think it’s weird. Someone who I was probably supposed to just got murdered. Wait, Dean is going to tell Sam what Papa Winny whispered before he died. If Dean can’t save Sam, he has to kill him. Dean asked Sam to lay low while they figured everything out. Sam promptly stole a car and drove to a burnt out house. The we got all exploded by a grenade. But it was just a dream. Someone else’s dream! There’s a neat twist. You don’t have the monopoly on future dreams anymore Sam! The guy from the beginning who got opened up was a psychic mother-killed-by-demon fell...
More About: Natural , Natur , Natura

The Office: Traveling Salesmen
2007-01-12 04:49:01
The Office is here to wipe away the stink of My Name Is Earl. Hey, one of my friends saw Jim and Karen leaving a coffee shop last week. California is neat. Michael is making everyone pair up and go out on sales calls. Everyone is mismatched for assured comedy. Dwight pumps up for a sales call by blasting Kickstart My Heart by Mötley Crüe. I wish I didn’t know that song. I love how Stanley is always doing is crossword puzzle whenever possible. We get to see most every character in a different situation today. It’s done right and without forcing it down your throat. It’s just good. Plain and simple. Dwight and Jim did very very well together. Dwight just quit rather than reveal his love for Angela. That’s an onion in the ointment. What a great show.
More About: Travel , The Office , Sales , Men

My Name Is Earl: Buried Treasure
2007-01-12 04:49:01
My Name Is Earl is here to possibly disappoint. The show has a 50% chance of being good or lame, which is still better than most sitcoms. Earl is back to crossing things off his list. He stole Civil War silverware. Wait a second. Civil War. Silver Ware. That’s good. The show just did a mid-show My Name Is Randy switch with Randy narrating. I thought we were getting back to form. I guess I was wrong. Dang, Earl. Why you gotta go and trick a dude? Randy re-stole the silverware and gave it to a con artist to make more money. Did I mention that Randy is narrating? I did? Did I say I couldn’t expect it to be so normal and annoying? I didn’t? There’s something new for you then. My Name Is Joy? That’s it. I renounce My Name Is Earl. It is no longer a good show. Hold on, it’s My Name Is Crabman now. I’m sick of this show. The end.
More About: My Name Is Earl , Sure , Treasure

30 Rock: The Baby Show
2007-01-05 04:42:02
Alec Baldwin, give me something to smile about on 30 Rock please. Tracy Morgan, please follow suit. Jack is stressed out so he’s going on an eating binge. A giant container of cheese balls does sound pretty good right now. And then I can lick my fingers clean. Num mum mum num num nummy. It is Jack’s mother who is stressing him out by constantly calling. Maybe it is The Office that is the problem. After watching it, everything else seems a little “blah.” It is like going for a swift run and then just stopping cold. You’re going to cramp up. Maybe I need to take myself some of that Midol. Sigh. Laughs, but nothing that bowled me over. Bowled me over like a bowling pin. I think that’s what that is supposed to mean. Unless the phrase comes from the 18th century. Those guys were crazy back then!
More About: Baby , Show

Scrubs: My House
2007-01-05 04:42:02
Scrubs is here to be okay for another episode. Elliot is starting a general practice in the same hospital. JD’s pregnant lady friend is considering taking some job somewhere else. Carla is spending too much after pregnancy time in the hospital and running up a huge bill. I’m bored. You might have been seeing a lot of commercials for the movie Primeval about a “serial killer” named Gustave who has killed more than 300 people and is “still at large.” Gustave is a freaking crocodile in the Nile who has killed 300 people. That’s as true as the story gets. So don’t let that sham of a commercial fool or scare you. Scrubs is still going on. Dave Foley is stuck in there somewhere. Did I already tell you I was bored? I did? At least is isn’t Saddam and the Third Reich. But what is? Remember when we were dealing with abortion on an earlier episode of Scrubs? Now we have the joys of postpartum depression. Awesome! Boy, this is a season I wa...
More About: House , Scrubs , Ouse

My Name Is Earl: Our ?Cops? Is On!
2007-01-05 04:42:02
The best night of comedy on TV is new again after the “winter sinkhole” of reruns. My Name Is Earl leads off the night. Let’s watch. Interesting. Tonight’s episode is one big Cops parody from back when Earl was still a criminal. Reno 911! has the Cops parody all sewn up, but it is interesting to see this show’s characters in this new genre. I’m not sure what to think about this episode. It has the absurd funny lines that make me laugh, but it seems a little early in the show’s life to be pulling these sorts of stunts. Claymation. Cops parody. Isn’t this only the second season? If the writers are running out of ideas already, we’re all screwed. There is a broom/vacuum commercial on which involves people dancing with these brooms/vacuums. I didn’t see one dead celebrity in the commercial. What is this world coming to? Pretty funny episode overall. Is still have my valid concerns about the continued quality of this show. As sh...

The Office: Back From Vacation
2007-01-05 04:42:02
The Office gave us plenty to be happy about with their last one hour episode. Let us enjoy the uncomfortable comedy. Here it comes! Gut shaking laughter in the first minute? That’s The Office for you! Michael is back from his Jamaican vacation with his mystery guest. The commercial showed us it was Jan. You stupid commercials. Movies and TV? Listen up. Quite giving us the secrets of your hidden insides! Jan and Michael finally did that wild thing which involves them not having clothes on. Jan wanted the vacation to be kept a secret. Michael accidentally sent a risque picture by email to the wrong address, and now it is forwarded around the office. Whoops! Oh no! I think Pam is becoming Jim’s gay advice giving friend. Not that she’s gay, but it’s like a Clueless reversal. Or Emma reversal. Sometimes a steal drum can be the loneliest instrument in the world. Pam and Dwight just had the sweetest moment. Almost. And then it was ruined in a fantastically horribly ...
More About: Cat , Vacation , Back

Beauty and the Geek
2007-01-04 10:40:04
After watching an evening of chimney sweeps and Hitler, it is time to kick back with the new season of Beau ty and the Geek . 8 geeks team up with 8 “gorgeous” women. Geek does not need to be in parenthesize. This isn’t a dating show, mind you. It is about discovering the inner beauty of people you wouldn’t normally hang around. As if you didn’t understand the contrast between the beauties and the geeks, the geeks arrived on scooters and the beauties arrived in limos. Get it? They’re different! The wonderful thing about this show is that the two groups each say equally cringe worthy things. The plus goes to the geeks who don’t giggle and make “I’m so cute” face after everything they say. In listing their qualities, the Trekkie said he was good at Excel spreadsheets. Is he applying for a data entry job? Come on now, geeks. You should know better. Another one can imitate household appliances. And does with little provocation. I...
More About: Beauty and the Geek , The G