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God?s Gifts
2007-06-18 17:05:00
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. “It?s a very handy thing” God told the couple, “and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty.” Adam jumped up and blurted “Oh, give that to me! I?d love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It?d be so great. When I?m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It?d be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please.” Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn?t mind i...
More About: Jokes , Gifts

What Makes a Man?
2007-06-15 15:10:00
What makes a man a man? If you are a guy, you have been called a ’sissy’, ‘pussy’, or ‘girl’ at some point in your life. Whether it be in elementry school, high school, college, or just yesterday. It’s happened…and if you deny it…you are a sissy for not admitting it. Are you a man just because you drink beer, burp, and scratch yourself? Are you a sissy because you cry during movies, enjoy pottery, and dance ballet? Maybe so…or NOT! Check it out: The moral of the story: Do what you enjoy, no matter what society thinks of it. Who knows, you might get laid in the process!
More About: Humor , A Man

Murphy?s Law
2007-06-12 17:09:00
? Whenever I find the key to success…someone changes the lock. ? To err is human…to forgive is not a COMPANY policy. ? The road to success…is always under construction. ? Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but if you think again, neither does Milk. ? In order to get a loan…you first need to prove that you don’t need it. ? All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening. ? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak. ? Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?which never works. ? If at first you don’t succeed…destroy all evidence that you ever tried. ? As soon as you mention something…if it is good, it is taken; if it is bad, it happens. ? If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late, the bus is still late. ? Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate. ? When in a queue, the other line always mo...
More About: Jokes , Murphy

Some People?s Children?
2007-06-11 17:02:00
Have you ever come across kids that make you think “that little bastard”? Some one in your class when you were a child? A child of a friend or acquaintance? Maybe your own kids? If you have, you probably have your own hypothesis on why the kid is the way he is. I’m sure you never thought it could be this: Moral of the story? Pick one: 1) Don’t be so loud while doing the deed, (maybe a position that results with ‘pillow-in-face’). 2) No more morning sex, (bad idea…I know) 3) Find an alternate to screaming the word ‘yes’
More About: Humor , Children , People

Paris Hilton - Jail Break
2007-06-07 16:27:00
Well it technically wasn’t a break out in the traditional sense, but it’s still fishy! Paris Hilton ’s 45-day stint cut to 23 days has gone down to just 3 days in the slammer. The reason: medical conditions the Sheriff’s Department is unable to discuss due to privacy issues. Paris is being allowed to server the remaining 20 days under house arrest. What kind of punishment is that? I know a lot of people who would consider house arrest at the Hilton mansion would be a vacation…not a punishment! In today’s press conference, the Sheriff’s Department advised that Paris Hilton was released from jail because of a medical condition. When questioned about how long they had observed this medical condition his reply was, ‘dozens of visits over the past three or four days’. Paris was only in the slammer for three or four days! And who in their right mind has heard about dozens of medical visits over the course of just a fe...
More About: Break , Jail

I?ve heard of MILF but what is a NILF?
2007-06-06 19:29:00
I’d like to think that all my readers are intelligent and street smart. Therefore you must know what a MILF is; incase you don’t know what a MILF is…let me educate you. MILF stands for Mother I‘d Like to F@#%. Now no matter how intelligent and street smart you are, it’s unlikely that you know a NILF is. I had no clue until I came across this juicy timbit! Check it out! Warning: If your bedtime is before 10:00 PM, do not watch this video.
More About: Humor , Milf

Monster Hog - Kids Hunting at Early Age
2007-06-04 04:27:00
Jamison Stone, 11, was recently in the news for having killed a hog (May 2007) which he shot eight times with a pistol on a hunting preserve in eastern Alabama. Jamison has recently completed sixth grade at Christian Heritage Academy in Carrollton, Alabama. He shot the ?hogzilla? with a .50 caliber revolver. There was some controversy that surrounded the entire episode. Many people felt that the photograph of the hog had been doctored in Photoshop, while others felt that Jamison did not how to shoot so he couldn?t have done it. In America where we have had so many school children going off on a shooting rampage in school, why exactly are children who are 11 years old allowed or trained to go hunting. Jamison, who killed his first deer at age 5, was hunting with father Mike Stone regularly after that. And once he had killed this hog trophy, father and son were accepting backslaps from family and friends. It was Jamison?s moment of pride. In effect, we are also indicating...
More About: Kids , Monster , Early , Hunting , Hunt

Girls Night Out
2007-06-03 15:16:00
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her bu...
More About: Jokes

Why Men Are Just Happier People!
2007-06-01 17:16:00
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics always tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress — $5000. Tux rental — $100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood — all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks! A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the sl...
More About: Jokes , Pier , Happier

Nicole Ritchie - Unsexy to the Limit
2007-05-31 15:10:00
I must say Nico l e Richie reminds me of the children from Ethiopia who have reed thin bodies and swollen tummies. Their distended tummies are due to the extreme hunger they face?.what is Nicole ?s excuse? To top it off, the glamour girl who keeps company with showbiz hot bodies and is a television actress, has an ultimate death wish in fashion. Whatever Nicole is trying to prove, it definitely isn?t working for her image. There is absolutely nothing a guy would go for in Nicole based on looks?.unless it?s mind ?blowing? sex?..which also I highly doubt. I mean almost no hair, grayish pallor to skin, zero curves, pre-teen breasts. Girl, you need to get your life and body back on track. And for all of you who think I’m being a very mean person, talking negativly about someone’s physical short comings and that maybe she has a ‘good personality’. Wrong! Nicole Ritchie is surprisingly cold hearted considering she looks like a baby dinosaur. Her adopt...

Before and After Marriage
2007-05-31 06:10:00
Before Marriage : He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She:Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don’t even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She:Will you hit me? He: No way! I’m not such kind of person! She: Can I trust you? He: Yes. After Marriage: Just read from the bottom up.
More About: Jokes , Arri , Fore , Before and After

The English Language
2007-05-29 15:36:00
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language: 1. In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway? 2. Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall? 3. Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo? 4. Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists? 5. In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand? 6. Why is it called a TV set when you get only one? 7. Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell? Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should becommitted to an asylum for the verbally insane: 1. If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from? 2. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume? 3. A writer is someone who writes and a stinger is something that stin...
More About: English Language , Raves , Language

Poor Misunderstood Lindsay Lohan
2007-05-28 18:02:00
Following in the footsteps of her ‘guru’ Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for DUI, (driving under the influence). However Miss Lohan has outdone Miss Hilton and also added possession of cocaine to the list of charges! Lindsay Lohan was driving in Beverly Hills early Saturday Morning, (May 26, 2007), with two others in her Benz when she lost control of the car and struck the curb & a few trees. After the crash, being the responsible citizen she is, Lindsay remained on the scene until authorities arrived. While no one else was hurt, the irony is that Lindsay Lohan suffering minor injuries to her large breasts in the irresponsible incident, (for those who weren’t aware, it has been reported that she has implants). Lindsay’s arrest brought her acting career and personal life to a new low. This latest incident makes Lindsay Lohan the black sheep of Hollywood actresses, (if she was not already). Reportedly, insiders say no one will b...
More About: Poor , Under

I want to work for Google?
2007-05-28 17:17:00
I want to work for Googl e . Why you ask? Seems to mee that working for Google pays you in more than just money. Google is a $150 billion company, (that is NINE zeros), and was setup by two Stanford PhD students. Google became one of the biggest internet success stories in just four years. The VP of Google confesses ‘there are a lot of geeks in Google and it is a wonderful place for geeks to interact with each other’. Still not convinced? Read the ‘Geek benefits’ below then watch the video clip from the Oprah Winfrey show: 1. 11 different cuisine cafeterias serving gourmet food 2. state of the art gymnasium 3. lap pool 4. facilities for various other games 5. foreign language classes 6. massage parlor 7. hair salon 8. taking your dog to work 9. laundry & dry cleaning facilities 10. concierge service 11. doctor check-up 12. day care 13. dental clean-up 14. competitive salaries 15. company stock purchase options Definitely so...
More About: Work , Raves

Enrique is a ?little hung? up
2007-05-25 17:57:00
Enrique Iglesias is regularly featured in the celeb section of gossip rags. Why you ask? Could it be because he has show of honest humility, has confessed that he has a small willy? Enrique Iglesias who is dating tennis hottie Anna Kournikova told a magazine that there was only one thing he’d change about his body: ?I?d change my penis if I could. It?s way, way, way too small.? Why he felt we had to share this information with the rest of the world is anybody?s guess. If I was less than well endowed, I wouldn’t want it to be publick knowledge. But then Anna Kournikova is still keeping him arround so maybe it’s not the size but what you do with it that counts. Enrique’s father, Julio Iglasias, (who is was also a latin singing superstar), was considered a casanova in his day and is rumored to hav bedded up to 3000 women. Julio became a father for the fifth time at age 65. The moral of the story: Like father, not like son.
More About: Ique , Enrique , Litt

People Who Annoy You?
2007-05-25 15:09:00
I never watch South Park, something about the intro song just hits the wrong nerves. But, (there’s always a but), I recently came across this funny BUT somewhat politically incorrect clip that I just had to share. And if any of my loyal readership is offended in any which way…go to hell. :p Joking. But seriously, if you are offended…it’s a bloody joke! If you read my blogs closely, I’m sure you can come up with a reason as to why I possibly cannot be racist.
More About: Humor , People , Anno

It ain?t over ?til it?s over and even then it ain?t over!
2007-05-24 19:15:00
Right from the time of Presidential assassinations to 9/11 and now to the firing of 8 US attorneys, an affinity for official secrecy has now become a defining characteristic of the Bush administration. In this video, Jon Stewart exposes the US Senate?s weakness, when the President?s Attorney general answers many questions with an eloquent phrase of ?I don?t know?. Here are a few excerpts of the White House?s unanswered questions: 9/11 investigations ? Al Qosi, a Sudanese accountant apprehended on suspicions of ties to Al Qaeda, claimed that U.S. military inquisitors had subjected him and others to bizarre forms of humiliation and abuse at Guantanamo Bay. The answer given by a Senate representative was that they could not talk about the matter in question because it was going be investigated. CIA Leak - In 2003, the Bush administration was in hot water again over Valerie Plame, a former CIA officer who held non-official cover (NOC) status before her classified covert CIA...
More About: Raves , Then

Nicole Ritchie - I?m going to be a good girl too.
2007-05-23 18:43:00
So it is official. Nicol e Ritchie , daughter of Lionel Ritchie and on again, off again friend of Paris Hilton, is in rehab to get her act together. Nicole is an amazing 83 pounds and as per a medical doctor ?along with illegal substance abuse very, very lucky to be alive.? She is receiving treatment for an addiction to pills as well as anorexia. Though the glamour puss? publicist has denied the reports, photographic evidence lends credence to the story. Nicole had been spotted entering the rehab with an overnight bag. When she arrived at the clinic, the 5-foot-2 celebrity weighed a shocking 83 pounds and was in tears that she had once again lost control of her life, says an insider. ?Nicole’s been a mess for months.? Apparently, Nicole was in the clinic for a few days and now is an outpatient. Guess Nicole has taken a leaf out of her friend?s book and is trying to be ?good? too. With a court hearing coming up for her DUI arrest last year, maybe Ritchie wants to...
More About: Girl , Good

Is Paris a Good Girl?
2007-05-18 22:55:00
More on our favorite hotel heiress ? Paris Hilton. On hearing that her sentence has been chopped to half, from 45 days to 23 days, Paris has endeared herself further to officials by abandoning her appeal of the jail sentence. Apparently she feels her attorney has gotten her a good deal and why rock the boat. Why as her sentence been reduced? Because the authorities who gave her the sentence in the first place have given her a pardon for good behavior. What good behavior you ask? Officials considered several factors in calculating the credit including that she appeared for her latest court date. Are people not supposed to appear in court when they are asked to?!? Naturally, it is very disappointing to see that the law is not above prejudice towards the socialites in the world. Are your two minutes of fame are guaranteed to help you escape the long arm of law? Though we do know that, it is definitely disillusioning to see it happen. Maybe if they were to make a socialit...
More About: Girl , Good

Why you should not use cell phone while at a gas station?
2007-05-17 17:09:00
EVERYONE is complaining about gas prices these days. There might be a time when you are filling up your car’s gas tank and think ‘I’m going to call so-n-so and vent about the price gouging’…DON’T DO IT! This is why you should never talk on the phone while you are at the pumps:
More About: Phone , Cell Phone , Cell , Station , Should

Sexy Webcam Girl - No Joke
2007-05-16 16:00:00
Regardless of your gender, you are going to want to watch this one. As you all know, I normally do not post questionable content on zoobat.com but this one is good for both the guys and the gals. Check it out and leave me a comment. This one will definitely leave you saying OMG, (Oh My God!).
More About: Humor , Joke , Girl , Sexy , Webcam

Oprah Doesn?t Need Reparations!
2007-05-15 17:54:00
Oprah doesn’t need reparations and not because she’s stinking rich, (her net worth is reported to be approx. $1.1 billion). But because instead of the white man holding her down, she is not holding the white man down! The filthy rich media queen told a group of graduates at the Howard University commencement Saturday that her grandmother’s wish was that Oprah would someday work for some “good white folks.” How the tables have turned, said Oprah, now that those “good white folks” are working for her. Oprah Winfrey wishes her grandma was still around to see all the “good white folks” under her domain. Oprah’s grandma worked as a servant in Mississippi in the 1950s, and the younger Winfrey has often invoked her as an inspiration and a guiding force in her life.
More About: Oprah , Para , Need

Police Man Takes Work Home?
2007-05-14 22:05:00
I’m not a smoker or a midnight toker…but it would still suck if a cop confiscated my weed only to take it home for himself. The only consolation would be if he got caught. Dearborn, Michigan police officer Cpl. Edward Sachez admitting he took marijuana from criminal suspects and, with his wife, baked it into brownies. How did he get caught…read on…it’s worth it! The department’s investigation began with a bizarre 911 call from Sanchez’s home in Dearborn Heights. On the night of April 21, 2006, a panicky Sanchez told an emergency dispatcher he thought he and his wife were overdosing on marijuana. “I think we’re dying,” he said in the 5-minute tape, obtained under the Michigan Freedom of Information Act. “We made brownies and I think we’re dead, I really do,” Sanchez continued. He told the dispatcher he had never made marijuana brownies before, but had previously used marijuana. Then, he asked...
More About: Home , Work , Police , Poli

A Good Marriage
2007-05-14 07:49:00
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my Grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll....
More About: Jokes , Marriage , Good , Arri

My Convenient Truth About Alcohol and Drinking?
2007-05-11 19:38:00
Everyone has their perceptions about alcohol and my use of it…significant others, family, and friends all claim that I’m doing my self more harm than good with every glass I empty. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to get stone drunk, I just enjoy partaking in the elixir every now and again. White wine, red wine, vodka, whiskey, rye, or rum…I’m an equal opportunity drinker and I’ll take one of each. It was difficult to convey my reasoning to anybody to justify my drinking until I came across some interesting facts. Read on my friends… Water vs. Alcohol - It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria found in water that contains faeces. In other words, we are consuming one kilo of sh!t. However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol...
More About: Truth , Raves , Drinking , King

Dead Donkey
2007-05-11 00:32:00
A man bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. Come morning, the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I’ve got some bad news. The donkey died.” “Well then, just give me my money back.” “Can’t do that. I spent it already,” replied the farmer. “OK then, just unload the donkey.” “What’re you gonna do with him?” asked the farmer. “I’m gonna raffle him off.” “Ya can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” exclaimed the farmer. “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.” A month later the farmer met up with the guy and asked about what happened with the dead donkey. “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of $898.” “Didn’t no one complain?” asked the farmer. “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.”
More About: Jokes , Dead , Donkey

An Illistrated Guide to Bra Sizes
2007-05-10 17:01:00
Up until recently, I was very confused about bra sizes. The sizing system must have been thought up by a group of women who wanted to confuse the heck out of men. Why else would there be a ‘a double d’ but no ‘double c’? Well loyal readers, ZooBat is proud to bring you a Crash Course on Bra Size s. So if you have ever wondered why bras are lettered A, B, C, DD, E, F, G, H, and what the letters actually stand for…keep reading! Pay close attention to the reaction of the guys around the woman. End of class, thanks for reading!
More About: Jokes , Guide , Trat , Stra

More Paris Hitlon Jail News
2007-05-09 23:38:00
If you are a regular reader, you already know that Paris Hilton got sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating her parole by driving with a suspended license. She is scheduled to start her 45-day sentence in Los Angeles on June 5, 2007 and does so poorly equipped. Paris Hilton will be given two blue jump suites, one bra, and two pairs of panties per week. In addition to this, she will only be allowed one 5-minute shower per day and if that wasn?t bad enough?laundry won?t be done for her so she has to fit her ?panty-washing-time? into that five minutes. Have you ever wondered how Paris Hilton will look without hair extensions and make-up? Now you?ll see it to the 45th degree! “I feel that I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted and I don’t deserve this,” Pairs Hilton told photographers outside her home Saturday. A pal of Paris? said: ?She is devastated and terrified about going to jail. She goes from sobbing to fury...
More About: News , More , Jail

Bad Customer Service Award
2007-05-09 15:20:00
Nothing ‘irks’ me like bad customer service. My morning routine is quite simple: I go to a franchise coffee & donut establishment on my way to work and pickup a cup of joe via drive-thru. This morning, I had a realization…companies are more interested in getting you in and out that they don’t care about service! McDonalds used to have a item on their menu board that said, ‘Smiles are free.’ I haven’t been into McDonalds for a VERY long time…do they still have it? Or did they remove it because ‘free’ doesn’t make money? Leave me a comment if you see or don’t see it on the menu any more. Have you been ignored, left waiting on an automated phone service, looking in vain for sales help in a store or am I the only one? Are you frustrated of the poor service that you have received in spite of the adage, ?Customer is king?? More often than not, they make me feel like they are doing me a favor b...
More About: Customer Service , Service , Raves , Award

SEX 101 - 10 Things You Should Know
2007-04-30 15:25:00
Sex, people say, is the best thing that happened to mankind. Whether it is good sex or bad sex, it is better than no sex. Here are 10 things you should know about sex. 1. How about a quickie? Who says that a lovemaking session can go on for an hour or more? The typical lovemaking session lasts around 15 minutes. And around 70% of that is foreplay. 2. Like they do it on AnimalPlanet. Humans aren’t the only species that have sex for fun. Dolphins and the bonobo, (a type of chimpanzee), do it too. 3. Do they make a pill for that? Erectile dysfunction has become a household phrase thanks to Viagra however it only affects 10-12% of the population while premature ejaculation affects 24-27%! They should make a pill for that! 4. Turn up the heat. Having sex in a hot room may make orgasms more intense! The Degree of vasocongestion aka ?sex flush?, (reddening or darkening of the skin), is an indication of how intense an orgasm may be is more common in warmer temperatures...
More About: Tips and Tricks , Raves , Know , Things , Should