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I AM A CHEESEBURGERI AM A CHEESEBURGERFree and addictive storytelling freshened twice each week by author Cheeseburger Brown. Articles
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Twenty-Two
2008-06-06 20:04:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your intermodal host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the twenty-second installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |18|19|20|21|22|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: TWENTY-TWO Boston Harbour. September 16, 2001. There are police on the quay. They amble on slow patrol, panning the wall of freighters, checking critically through binoculars the drivers of Zodiacs and dinghies cutting across the calm, steely surface leaving trails of spume in their wakes. The bubbles roil, anxious to return to equilibrium. A Navy helicopter beats up above, its shadow flashing over the docks. The police take off their caps to watch, turning to track the great mechanical... More About: The Secret , Twenty
Interlude IV
2008-05-30 01:37:00 I regret the interruption in storytelling. Apologies, all. The fact of the matter is that, while writing is renowned as a career for its rewards in fabulous riches and acclaim, I do have a day job. I am insufficiently celebrated to make my way in this world by stories alone. As some of you may already know, I work for an event management company. We put on shows of various kinds -- awards banquets, celebrity roasts, annual general meetings for heartless multinationals...that sort of thing. The firm I'm associated with provides a so-called "turn key" solution, taking care of everything from travel, staging and pyrotechnics to dinner, entertainment and custom-made high-definition propaganda videos projected on fifty foot screens. I, of course, am responsible for folding all the napkins. Don't laugh. It's not always easy. You know those little crown shapes you sometimes see at fancy dinners? I majored in that at college. I was head of my class. Of course, event manageme...
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Twenty-One
2008-05-13 15:20:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your singular host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the twenty-first installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |18|19|20|21|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: TWENTY-ONE It's midnight in jail. Alexander Baum shudders and awakens, his head jerking upright as his eyes snap open. He straightens in his chair, grimacing at a stitch in his side. His dream -- a tall, dark man who whispers about the end times -- pulses blotchily in his bleary vision, throbbing in time to his heart, fading as his mind steadies. The clock ticks. The ventilator hisses. Baum takes a breath, blinking at the bank of video monitors above the desk: four four-man cells, the bunks ... More About: The Secret , Twenty
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Twenty
2008-04-29 00:39:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your monomaniacal host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the twentieth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |18|19|20|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: TWENTY She's lost. The corridors are a maze. People rush past her. They're young, badly dressed, pressing laptop computers into their chests as they scurry. Most of them wear glasses. The collective gait is inelegant, shuffling, heel-peeling. She follows the trail of nerds in search of its source. Another turn brings her around to face a standing parade of girls in a tight line packed along the wall with a closed office door at its head. Eyes flick up at her, flick down again. Someone mist... More About: The Secret , Twenty
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Nineteen
2008-04-22 21:07:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your expository host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the nineteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |18|19|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: NINETEEN "Doctor?" Abrams looks up. "The prince will see you now." Bahram's apartments are opulent. The archways framing the walkout to the balcony are shrouded in red velvet drape lining niches of white marble sculpture on ebony pedestals. The warm breeze from outside causes the drapes to sway, seeming to wave invitingly to the old physician. He aches. He crosses the floor and steps out into the sun. He puts his hands on the white stone railing and looks out over the city of Nuribad spread bene... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Eighteen
2008-04-08 20:53:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your paranoid host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the eighteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |18|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: EIGHTEEN Paris is changing. It isn't the new, rectilinear monstrosities of American-style office towers rising up to form a new skyline at La Defense. It isn't the union with Europe, or the switching of the money. It isn't the roiling cites with their packed apartment blocks of restless young blacks, populating the nighttime neighbourhoods with the fear of ultraviolence and the putrid plastic perfume of cars set on fire. It's not anger from the Algerians, and it's not bombs from the Basques. But the... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Seventeen
2008-04-01 20:58:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your nocturnally active host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the seventeenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17 |... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: SEVENTEEN Sunset on Somerset West. Dundonald Park. Men stand in the bushes. Mr. Mississauga walks the path, smoking, overcoat trailing out behind. His shadow is long. The light is bronze, the sky bloody. Parliament's spike is in silhouette. The capital is small; he spies senators and spots spies, but names aren't acknowledged in the park. Mr. Mississauga cruises on, gaze averted. "How old are you?" "Are you a cop?" "No." The kid asks to be called Jack. Mr. Mississauga doesn't offer a n... More About: The Secret , Seventeen
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Sixteen
2008-03-25 16:43:00 The Secret Mathematic is an original novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your covertly surveilled host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the sixteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|.. . Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, the story continues: SIXTEEN In old Saint Medard they rent rooms by the hour. When the young become unruly its alleys choke with burning cars. It's a place to be mugged, to get stabbed, to make a deal. It's a place for running away, for hiding your shame, for feeling better about your lot when you eavesdrop on your neighbours. The streets run with piss. Drago trudges up the stairs from the metro, his crutch clicking on the pavement. He skirts a man swathed in newspapers grumbling in a wet corner, then steps carefully ... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Fifteen
2008-03-13 11:46:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your full-colour glossy host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the fifteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: FIFTEEN The plane banks. Porter's view dips lower, tracking along the terrain: runs of crinkled, leathery rocks separated by flat lakes of sand. Down below, between two faded stripes of highway, the plane's shadow is fuzzy and translucent. It appears to ripple as it slides up and down over the dunes. An announcement in Arabic: "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please: we are commencing our final descent into Nuribad at this time. Fasten your seatbelts and return your trays and seatbacks to the ... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Fourteen
2008-03-05 18:09:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your weather-challenged host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the fourteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: FOURTEEN Thunder Bay, Canada. It's the height of a short, torrid summer. The air is humid, and everyone's clothes stick to their bodies. The police station is crowded and noisy. Telephones ring. People have to shout to be heard over the battery of desk fans that rattle different piles of papers in clockstep turns as they oscillate back and forth. There is a handwritten sign over the coffee machine that says UNPLUG FAN BEFORE TURNING ON but nobody reads the sign, so the circuit breakers keep trippin... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Thirteen
2008-02-27 18:44:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your recuperating host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the thirteenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: THIRTEEN A navy blue Taxi Parisienne screeches to a halt outside of Hopital Saint-Lazare. Danica Zoran bursts from its back door and runs across the asphalt to the lobby, her face anguished as she squeezes roughly past a man in a wheelchair and his startled nurse. "My son, my son!" she cries at the reception desk. "Where is my son?" A plump, sour-faced matron looks up languidly. "One moment, madame," she mutters and then returns attention to her keyboard. "He's been hurt in an accident! I must see him immed... More About: The Secret , Thirteen
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Twelve
2008-02-20 22:22:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your sifting and trenching host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the twelfth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: TWELVE It's autumn in Algeria, and the mountain passes echo with the clang and thump of tools. The sun shines, but on the northern horizon visible between the peaks a sombre line of iron-grey clouds is rising up over the Mediterranean. Soon the rains will come, and all work must stop -- a Sabbath declared by seasons. Dr. Hallow checks her watch and frowns. It's a race against time. "Doctor? They need you at the site." She nods, turning away from the panorama of patchwork fields colouring the foothills o... More About: The Secret , Twelve
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Eleven
2008-02-17 20:23:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your investigative host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the eleventh installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|... News: Ephemera Bound's new hardcover edition of my novel Simon of Space is available now via Amazon and Barnes & Noble or direct from the publisher (as of this writing, B&N has the best price). Please consider picking up a copy in order to help me make the case to the media barons that stories like these are stuff people care about. Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Stubborn Town, Three Face Flip, The Long Man, Plight of the Transformer, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: ELEVEN It's winter in Winnipeg, and colder than you care to imagine. The little bungalow on Heathrington Avenue is covered in snow, and surrounded by lines of yellow police tape that fla... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Ten
2008-02-13 17:27:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your occulted host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the tenth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: TEN In an alley older than the New World's oldest cities Drago T. Zoran shuffles, stumbles and laughs. The ancient cobbles are tagged by fresh spray-paint; graffittoed over a run of trash cans is emblazoned the phrase LES PASSIONS IMPATIENT! Drago whirls and titters. Before he plants himself in the swill-burbling gutter he's caught by a friend, thrust upright, then caught again on the far side as he overbalances. "Whee!" squeals Drago. "Watch it, watch it," warns Ray Chin. "I can't carry you home." "Who needs for carrying when I can to fly?" Drago a... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Nine
2008-02-08 17:01:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novel told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your securely ensconced host, Cheeseburger Brown. This is the ninth installment. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: NINE A long grey limousine slides through traffic, a brace of tiny, colourful flags flapping from its front corners. The windows are black and glossy, reflecting smeared versions of the surrounding skyscrapers, fingers of metal and glass reaching impossibly high into the blue, cloudless sky. Bahram watches Lower Manhattan pan past. His bodyguard sniffs, craning his head to see the antenna-studded summits. "People sure do love megaliths," he says, his voice a gravelly baritone. "First Stonehenge, now this." "Indeed," says Bahram distantly. His sl... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Eight
2008-02-05 19:45:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your truckin' host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: EIGHT Yves cranks down the window. It's windy, but between the gusts he can hear a thousand kinds of frog clicking and croaking and beeping at the moon. The air is warm and thick, the night suffused with an extra glow by a heavy soup of spring humidity. His eighteen-wheeler tears through the fog banks, sending them sloshing away into ghostly, symmetrical twists on either side of the wake trail. The engine keens. A line of palm trees flashes by in his headlights. He glances at the map pinned to his visor, checks the rolling digits on the tripmeter, then shifts down to ninth gear in an... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Seven
2008-01-31 21:02:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your renormalized host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: SEVEN Piroska has a tired arm, but a tireless spirit. She props the arm up on a book and then, when it chafes, uses her opposite elbow as a lean. When she shifts the resettling of her dress releases blooms of perfumed air, scented jasmine and girl, and its diffusion can be tracked by the subtle sniffs and slight lifts of the head from the other students around her. (The others are, of course, boys. They smell like rubber erasers and toothpaste, tobacco and coffee, perspiration and stale laundry.) When the boys put up their hands they're called on immediately. Some of them don't ev... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Six
2008-01-27 19:24:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your grand unified host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|6|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: SIX New Jersey. 1955. Spring. Elsa's portrait is on the mantel, though her body is in the ground. Albert polishes the glass once a week. He often hums as he does so. He hums Schubert, because Schubert was her favourite. The house is modest and crammed full of bookshelves. The tables are papered in academia ringed by the imprints of coffee mugs, paperclipped according to topic, yellowed according to age. In the diningroom is a record player and a stack of vinyl discs in cardboard sleeves. Most of them are Mozart, but none of them have been put on to play in a dog's age. Alber... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Five
2008-01-21 15:08:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your wanted host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|5|... Multimedia: Listen to the The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format, by Syntax Error. Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: FIVE Creek chops wood. Each fresh division echoes far in the still, morning air. He hefts the hatchet again, spins it, swoops it home: thock! It is otherwise quiet. This is the furthest edge of the reserve, backing on the glen, tucked away under a smeared-out, sun-dappled border of shadow from old, old maples. The house is small and sagging, its front and back gardens museums of grass-choked kipple: rusted engines, empty bottles, torn tarpulins, cigarette butts and woodscrap. Creek Edges isn't wearing a shirt. He never wears a shirt. His brown chest glistens with sweat, painted through with... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Four
2008-01-15 19:24:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your war-torn host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|4|... Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars Multimedia: Also, as promised, here is The Secret Mathematic Overture in MP3 format created by my brother's experimental music concern, Syntax Error. Many thanks for his efforts on this! And now, our tale continues: FOUR They live in a shrine. It is a tattered, streak-stained, dust-clogged, drafty and dank temple -- surrounded by the cattle mews of indigent thousands, inundated from all quarters by their rank animal reek: black and yellow bile, yeast, halitosis, jealousy, fear. This is a displaced persons camp. None of its denizens are prisoners in any technical sense, yet the barbed-wire boundaries are patrolled by heavy tanks. They have blue and white NATO star logos peeking out from beneath the splatters ... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Three
2008-01-09 20:25:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your metaphysically curious if somewhat drunken host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|3|... Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: THREE "Herr von Steissbein, I salute you!" The Turk pours another round of his unspeakable liquor into the bottom of each greasy glass. Albert pinches his violin under one arm to take his, then all four men tilt back their heads and drink. Three of them wince, but the Turk smiles. "It's vile!" swears Conrad, wiping the residue from his moustache. "Is it Turkish?" "I have told you, I am not from Turkey," grins the Turk, teeth gleaming in a swarthy face framed by a black Van Dyke beard. "And you drink like a small child, Herr Habicht." Maurice laughs, then coughs. "Oh my Hell it's terrible stuff," he agrees between hacking giggles. "But in Romania... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter Two
2008-01-07 12:16:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, the host most often prescribed by three out of four physicians, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|2|... Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our tale continues: TWO It's 1960. You can tell because everyone's hair looks funny. "Mother of Hell," groans Fleuve. Her hair is long and straight and black, clumped into ropes by smears of vomit that steams in the winter morning air. Her knees shudder and then buckle. She hits the pavement and retches into the slush-clogged gutter. The passersby give Fleuve wide berth. Nobody offers her help. They avert their eyes. They assume she's drunk. When she's recovered her breath she steadies herself against a newspaper box, then checks herself in a shop window reflection. The other girls have loaned her their best, so she almost looks as if she belongs in this... More About: The Secret
The Secret Mathematic - Chapter One
2008-01-02 00:54:00 The Secret Mathematic is a science-fiction novelette told in an indefinite number of chapters, posted serially by me, your dice-rolling host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapter s: 1|... Related reading: Three Face Flip, Stubborn Town, The Long Man, The Extra Cars And now, our first tale of the new year begins: ONE Dragana Zoranovic is the prettiest girl in town, but she won't be for long. No one has any idea what is to come. The universe may have its own suspicions, but it holds its cards close. Tomorrow can be like that: as inevitable as inscrutable, as obvious as a lottery after the draw. (The future is usually likely, but seldom sure.) Doroslovo is a small place. The main intersection and the way over the bridge are cobblestoned, but the rest of the roads are packed dirt or gravel. The houses are humble, thatched and shuttered and moldering, but connected to the sagging lines of utility poles and lit at night by the flashing glow of television. To the north are the t... More About: The Secret
One Small Step for Santa - Part Three
2007-12-18 20:06:00 One Small Step for Santa is a kid-friendly Christmas story told in three episodes, posted serially by me, your merry host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3 Related reading: Pink Santa Multimedia note: This story's header illustration has been composited for anaglyphic stereoscopic viewing. For best results, look at it through red-and-blue 3D glasses. Upcoming: The next story will be The Secret Mathematic, which begins serializing in January 2008. Don't miss it! And now, our yuletide tale concludes: 3/3 The Seyfert City Prison was full of Santa Clauses. They weren't real Santa Clauses, of course, apart from Novice George and Brother Marcus. The others were people hired by shopping malls to pretend to be Santa so kids could visit them and have their holograph taken, or people hired by charities to stand in the street and collect holiday donations while ringing a bell. Like a lot of pretend Santas, they wore big red pajamas with fake fur trim, and some of them had ... More About: Part
One Small Step for Santa - Part Two
2007-12-10 20:41:00 One Small Step for Santa is a kid-friendly Christmas story told in three episodes, posted serially by me, your waylaid host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3 Related reading: Pink Santa Multimedia note: This story's header illustration has been composited for anaglyphic stereoscopic viewing. For best results, look at it through red-and-blue 3D glasses. And now, our yuletide tale continues: 2/3 When you look up at the Moon in the sky it might look like a very small place, but when you're driving across the bottom of a deep crater, lost in a forest of giant Lunar boulders, the Moon can seem very, very big indeed. It was quiet, because there isn't any air on the Moon. It was also very dark and very cold, because it was night-time for the far side, and on the Moon each night lasts for two whole weeks. George shivered. Brother Marcus grumbled. He kept hitting a little box on the dashboard of the buggy that was supposed to tell them where to go, but instead of showing... More About: Part
One Small Step for Santa - Part One
2007-12-06 15:47:00 One Small Step for Santa is a kid-friendly Christmas story told in three episodes, posted serially by me, your jolly host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3 Related reading: Pink Santa Multimedia note: This story's header illustration has been composited for anaglyphic stereoscopic viewing. For best results, look at it through red-and-blue 3D glasses. And now, our yuletide tale begins: 1/3 It was a dark and starry night, and had been all day. George woke up to the smell of tangerines, which are like small, sweet oranges. He was lying in a hammock, which is a sort of bed made of fabric and ropes, and it swung gently back and forth as he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. George yawned. Outside the window the sky was black. The stars were bright, but they didn't twinkle. There were no clouds or birds, because George was in outer space. Remembering this made him feel nervous. The next thing he did was to fall out of his hammock, which was easy because in outer spa... More About: Part
And Bananas for All - Part Six
2007-11-28 19:35:00 And Bananas for All is a story told in six episodes, posted serially by me, your lunatic host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3|4|5|6 Related reading: Night Flight Mike, The Reaper's Coleslaw, Simon of Space, Plight of the Transformer, The Long Man Coming up next: Stay tuned for this year's science-fiction Christmas story beginning the week of December 3rd! And now, our adventure concludes: 6/6 The preparations for the exodus were, in a word, grim. An exodus was required: that much was plain to Mike. Each day the gaily coloured, mud-dripping dinosaurs tore deeper into the forest with their lockstep march of slash, burn, churn and level. A constant pall of dust hung over the treeline, making visible the slanted rays of the sun. Birds fled in swirling clouds, squawking. The fight to defend their Eden was childish, Mike knew, and ultimately doomed. He could not continue to risk the lives of his troglodyte brethren to buy another hour or an afternoon. The slow life... More About: Part
And Bananas for All - Part Five
2007-11-20 19:14:00 And Bananas for All is a story told in six episodes, posted serially by me, your guerrilla host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3|4|5|6 Related reading: Night Flight Mike, The Reaper's Coleslaw, Simon of Space Our adventure continues: 5/6 The subterfuge was, in a word, hilarious. Mike watched from a safe distance through his recently purloined field glasses, witnessing a pantomime in which two chimps brazenly approached the camp of four researchers from the National Geographic Society and began performing various antics. One chimp climbed aboard the shoulders of his companion and then the tottering, living totem wobbled around stiffly, the upper chimp offering his hand to shake and pretending to doff an invisible hat. The researchers were shocked and instantly engaged. They fell over themselves to grab their cameras from their cases, to dangle microphones by the chimps, to jot hurried notes into their books. Mike grinned, knowing what was coming next. In an homage ... More About: Part
And Bananas for All - Part Four
2007-11-12 01:58:00 And Bananas for All is a story told in six episodes, posted serially by me, your leopard-skin loinclothed host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3|4|5|6 Related reading: Night Flight Mike, The Reaper's Coleslaw, Simon of Space Our tale continues: 4/6 The slow life was, in a word, refreshing. That is not to say it was always easy: Mike and his troglodyte brethren lived balanced on a knife's edge of survival, allowing them to forget for only the shortest, sweetest moments that almost every element of their surroundings would prefer them dead, and would conspire to arrange for it given the most humble opportunity. The plants, the bugs, the beasts, the spores: all of them were hungry, relentless, and untroubled by conscience. In the wet season it rained, and then even the water itself seemed determined to wipe out the little troop -- floods, monsoons, quicksand, the bacteria of something rotten spreading down the stream to poison whosoever should want a drink. The wind wa... More About: Part
And Bananas for All - Part Three
More articles from this author:2007-11-06 18:40:00 And Bananas for All is a story told in six episodes, posted serially by me, your castaway host, Cheeseburger Brown. Chapters: 1|2|3|4|5|6 Related reading: Night Flight Mike, The Reaper's Coleslaw, Simon of Space Our tale continues: 3/6 The afterlife was, in a word, bewildering. Mike believed his life was passing before his eyes, because he dreamed he was latched at the teat of a mother he had never remembered. The presentation did not progress, however, nor dwindle into a tunnel. There was neither a great light nor a chorus of angels, but there was something tickling his nose. Mike sneezed. As if this were not a sufficient clue, he next became aware that he ached. A resolute corner of his foggy mind decided that sneezing and aching were not consistent with death. If he suffered, he lived. It was easy to be lulled away from such irksome thoughts: he was warm, he was reclined -- the world was dark and delicious, if slightly musky. He passed on into another valley of ... More About: Part 1, 2, 3 |



