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This Much Fun Should Be Illegal
2008-06-11 20:23:00
Before I continue with this post, it should be noted that I was highly gassed for much of yesterday, which may or may not explain this next statement. And here goes: the hospital is so much fun, I would pay to go there, just like Disneyland. Oh wait, I do pay to go there. Through the teeth I pay, but I guess that?s just like Disneyland too. There are actually a lot of similarities.The hospital has a little of everything. Rides (wheel chairs and beds), food (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and lots of waiting. Imagine getting to the hospital at 5am only to be told the admitting office doesn?t open until 5:30am and that you won?t even be prepped for your procedure until 7:30am. Yep, if you are thinking that?s just ?like a ride queue at Disneyland, you would be right sir. My favorite ride yesterday was Nurse Who I Couldn?t Understand?s Wild Bed Push.? Not to throw around NASCAR terms, but I think my bed was a little on the tight side because it kept pushing coming out of th...
More About: Illegal

600?s A Charm??
2008-06-10 03:00:00
So here I sit, knowing that I am writing my 600th blog post, which I will tell you upfront is not exactly accurate because of my fondness for being lazy reposts. But, I have pushed Blogger?s little ?publish? button 600 times, so I have no problem taking the credit. After all, assuming I have used my same index finger to push the mouse button to hit ?publish? all previous 599 times, I have expended a decent enough amount of energy. My first instinct is to look back fondly on many of my past post topics much the same way Mike Rowe does on Dirty Jobs after about every 25 episodes. I assume this is because of a lack of material on their part. Well, perhaps I am just pushing what I do onto Mr. Rowe. I think that is called ?transference,? but I?m really not sure. It could also be called passing the buck or making something up to complete a paragraph.Whew, one paragraph down on my 600th post. If this pace keeps up, I will have completed the most boring and self-centered post ever w...
More About: Charm

A Slow Pitch Right Down The Middle
2008-06-08 21:28:00
I should go ahead and tell you that this is a repost. I know it's a horrible thing to do for a Sunday or Monday (depending on when you read this), but to make up for it, I can offer you a new new podcast to listen to. Besides, I have to think of something memorable to do for my next post on Monday night, which will be my 600th.Feel free to offer suggestions because after 599 posts, I am running out of things to write about. As proof of that, I offer the fact that I almost posted my confession of love for home water filtration today instead of this repost. Fortunately I realized ahead of time that it would have been a 'Pur' mistake to do so. Hmmm, have I written about cheese lately? That always goes over well....When you get your inspiration from making fun of odd news stories, it doesn?t get any easier than this: A woman with the last name of Butts was accused of stealing toilet paper from an Iowa Courthouse. Ok, it could have been just a little better; her last name could have b...
More About: Middle , Pitch , Slow

Friday Randomocity II: Electric Boogaloo
2008-06-06 04:28:00
I have to thank Eva for the Randomocity title. I had kind of run out of things to call Randomocity Friday s other than more, even more and yet again more Randomocity. I think the Electric Boogaloo version works quite nicely, with the little exception of the fact that I dance about as well as a brick wall suffering a seizure. So, I present to you this week?s More Friday Randomocity, in electric boogalooing style?* When a coworker is showing you the map of where she plans on vacationing over Memorial Day weekend and the address is on Starvation Flats Road, do you bring up the fact that NOTHING GOOD could possibly be located on a street called Starvation Flats Road? I?m sure there is plenty of parking there though.* Can you cherry pick a nut or is that mixing metaphors? It obviously sounds crude, so I will explain. I was accused of fishing through the can of mixed nuts that was put in the communal place where we share food in the office. My coworker called it cherry picking, but ...

Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It, Is?
2008-06-05 03:20:00
Imagine getting home from a long day of work all set to celebrate Cheese Day Eve and you are directed to a little postcard sized piece of mail. You are probably asking why don?t I just imagine that instead of asking you to do so. Well, I don?t have to because it happened to me. As this piece of mail had no identifying marks, a lot of things raced across my mind. Namely, I had finally been fired. I got ready to dismiss it as junk mail and then was directed to look at the other side.And there it was: an invitation to call the sender of this bit of postage regarding a position in this individual?s ?company.? Because I am a very attentive person (no seriously), I noticed (after staring at the card for 25 minutes ? see attentive) two key pieces of information that even our friends at CSI may not have noticed. The front and back were written by two different people (one male and one female) and that the sender used the word ?company.? Obviously, we?re talking at least a two-person...
More About: Mission , Choose , Accept

What A Loss
2008-06-04 03:56:00
No, I?m not talking about politics or Hillary. That just makes people angry. Before I go any further, I need to warn you that what you are about to read is very sad, it?s beyond sad, it?s ?Shitacular? actually. It?s that rare mix of horrible and awe-inspiring rolled up into a big ball of cookie dough that you can?t help but taste even though you know the raw eggs are going to make you sicker than a visit to the nursery at the local preschool. That?s my definition of ?shitacular,? by the way. It just popped out of my mouth during a meeting at work and it seemed to be well received. But anyway, this post is going to sadden and possibly depress you, so if you need to read it at a later time like when you are so happy that nothing could bring you crashing back down to earth or after you go grab a box of facial cleaning wipes, or just tissue, please feel free.What I am about to tell you (more like break softly to you) was covered by some media outlets over the weekend, so you may al...
More About: Loss

It?s The Cheesiest!
2008-06-03 03:56:00
Yep, I?m the one running through the halls of my office singing ?It?s the most cheesiest time of the year?? Yes, I realize that is horrible grammar, but it?s the only way I can bastardize that wonderful Andy Williams tune. I suppose I COULD sing it by saying ?it?s the cheesiest time of the year,? but that makes it sound corny. Well it makes it sound cheesy, but somewhere along the way the meanings of corny and cheesy apparently intersected. All of that aside, there?s actually a reason for me singing my cheese song?this time, anyway. Wednesday, June 4th is cheese day!! Yes, I realize that it?s only Monday, but I have already begun celebrating. This is mostly due to the fact that I did not get to leave the office early Monday in honor of Leave Work Early Day. And that folks, is a shame I can never shake. While you could successfully argue that every day is cheese day when around me, the official day falls on Wednesday. That makes Tuesday Cheese Day Eve, which is just as holy ...

Want A Reason To Leave Work Early? Here?s One.
2008-06-02 05:48:00
I have met very few people who actually enjoy going back to work on Mondays. Truth be told, when I have, I ignore them or point and scream. I am definitely one of the Monday haters. Sometimes though, all the moons line up just right and you get a Monday that is actually a holiday. Now granted it?s not one of those fancy schmancy Mondays where you don?t have to go to work like Memorial Day or Labor Day or whenever Fred Willard?s birthday falls on a Monday, but it?s close.Why is it close? Well, Monday is ?Leave Work Early Day.? As soon as I learned of this blessed day, I knew immediately that I needed to blog about it. I?ll be honest with you though, I was tempted to make it a really short post (as in Mini Me or ?Da Plane, Da Plane? short) because most everyone I know blogs from work. Except for me because I am the quintessential loyal employee ? well that and the fact that I have already been caught for blogging at work, but mostly because I am a wonderful and exemplary emplo...
More About: Reason

The One Where He Drones On Forever And You Are Stuck Listening To It
2008-05-31 18:23:00
Well, the weekend is upon us and really, who wants to spend all day reading something, especially when the weather is so nice and the kitchen needs to be cleaned. Wait, that last option doesn't sound like much fun.I have an alternative for you. You can listen to something. It's really much more efficient an activity when you think about it. You can crank up the volume and do whatever you wanted to while still being able to listen. Your hands are freed up and you are not stuck in front of your computer. I prefer this option at work, but even though it is more efficient, my productivity suffers horribly.Now here's the downside. The thing I am offering up for you to listen to is 9 minutes of solid, irrefutable evidence that I should stick to writing. I am going to choose to say it's because my podcast skillz (the use of the 'z' makes me hipper, though if you read that really quickly, you'll probably think I just wrote the word 'zipper') are a bit rusty since I haven't podcast...
More About: Forever , Drones , Listening

Where Hath The Time Gone (And Why Am I Using Words Like Hath)?
2008-05-30 03:20:00
Increasingly I am beginning to feel my advanced 34 years of age. The month of May has given me heart issues, that mysterious popping sound in my leg heard ONLY when I go up a flight of stairs and now yesterday?s events. Lucy and Ethel graduated from Kindergarten. I realize that apparently some people don?t view the completion of kindergarten as something worthy of a graduation ceremony (hi Mom), so I will rephrase that to say Lucy and Ethel completed Kindergarten with honors. Yes, I added the honors part. This all means that effective this morning, I can now say that I am the father of two first graders.Here?s the rub: I don?t want to be able to say that. Not because it makes me feel old, unlike the effect of having two open-heart surgeries or falling asleep in the recliner before 9:30pm every night, but because I am not ready for my little ones to grow up. It also isn?t made any easier by the fact that they are now easily more mature than I am. I know that a lot of the people who r...
More About: Time , Words , The Time

This Is One Mission That Will Not Go Down The Drain
2008-05-29 03:56:00
Space travel can be pretty serious and life threatening stuff. After all, if we had been meant to be space dwellers, we would have been born there. Wow, that may have been the dumbest thing I have ever written. Well, not counting the proposal I turned in at work once that had errors I put in it just to see if they would be found, because that was a whole different kind of dumb, as in I really thought I?d get away with it but didn?t and am lucky to still have a job. It seems that our interstellar gamble with space travel has come back to bite us (in the rear) again. Yep, while taking Lucy and Ethel to school this morning, the radio reported that the toilet on the international space station has stopped working. I was immediately touched by how difficult dealing with this will be for the unlucky astronauts aboard the space station. Then I realized I could blog about their bodily relievement challenges and felt much better. Seriously though, what a hard time they now face. As ...
More About: Mission

Book ?Em
2008-05-28 05:07:00
Well, we all made it back to work after the weekend that marks the unofficial start to summer. We celebrated with 55 degree weather, the Danica Patrick 500 Indy 500, lobster ravioli from Trader Joes (I swear to you when I saw it in the freezer section, I heard angels sing for the first time. And I mean real angels, not the ones in Anaheim or the ones from those crappy Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials) and of course a BBQ. Ok, you got me. The BBQ was actually a fire in the fireplace to keep the house warm, but there were flames and I got to go all goo-goo while watching them flicker. I also got to spend some time in a book store, which got me thinking. In my defense though, I only mentioned to my friends three times that I was going to have to blog about it. Ever notice how often we say that phrase? I just spilled lemonade on my shorts, I gotta blog about it. Thanks to a fortunate twist of rigor mortis, the dead possum in the middle of the road looks like it?s flipping...
More About: Book

A Job A Day?
2008-05-26 20:32:00
This may come as a shock to a few of you, but I am not the biggest fan of my job. Actually, I fear the people at my job are not the biggest fans of me, but that?s not really material to this discussion. It?s just something I?m pretty sure I?ve FELT. Get it? Material, felt? Never mind. I bring all of this up because a) I didn?t think I could make an entire post out of the recent mysterious popping noise that my left leg know makes only when climbing stairs and b) I recently found the coolest website and it is somewhat job related.I am a dreamer, well it might be more like hallucinator as many of my dreams have no basis in reality, let alone some magical dream-like place where beef jerky grows on trees and I can openly blog at work. Ok, I am a ?hallu-ceamer.? I was going to go with hallu-creamer, but I didn?t want you to think I just sit around putting weird things in thickened dairy products. Well, I do prefer to eat cottage cheese with pasta sauce in it, but again, that?s n...

Work Blogging?Yeah, I know, It?s Wrong And Stuff
2008-05-23 04:17:00
I used to do a weekly Top Ten And A Half list each Friday and then got too lazy forgot to keep doing them. So, I am reposting one of my Top Ten ½ lists today. Please remember that I do a Top Ten ½ to avoid copyright issues and because back when I started this last year, I thought the extra 1/2 was clever for some reason. With age comes wisdom and both are now telling me it might not have been as clever as I initially believed. I'm pretty sure the inventors of the Edsel and New Coke know what I'm talking about. As I sat in the office all day, I realized how much I miss blogging at work, and believe me, I used to blog a whole lot while in the office. I can say that now because I already got caught. I knew it was taboo to do so, but so is flaunting bad taste and we still have Paris Hilton walking around. So, I will dedicate this Top Ten And A Half List to:?The Top Ten And A Half Ways Work Is Different Since I Stopped Blogging There.?11. I find myself gazing into my monitor dreaming...
More About: Stuff , Wrong , Yeah

An Exercise In Futility (Also Known As ?This Post?Sucks?)
2008-05-22 03:35:00
If you have ever seen my favorite movie, ?So I Married An Axe Murderer,? then you know exactly how to say ?this post?sucks.? Keep that saying close at hand for the next few minutes. I have taken a holiday from sharing holidays with you this week. And I promise if that is as clever as I can be today that you can just stop reading now and I?ll still respect you tomorrow. Well, I might not respect you as much, but I?m certainly not going to tell you that or act like my respect for you has diminished in any way. I mean not that I?d be fake about it or anything but the truth is that I have already forgotten the reason I was writing and was just sort of hoping I could write my way out of it until it came back to me. It?s a pretty handy trick if you?ve never tried it. And the best part is that it works with both speaking and writing. In fact 87.4% of my 590 or so posts have been completed with this method and just ask my boss how effective the speaking form of the trick is when I a...
More About: Exercise , Post , Sucks

Fun* With Atrial Fibrillation
2008-05-21 03:17:00
I debated about whether I would write a post solely devoted to atrial fibrillation since it might not be as fun to read if you have never experienced it and no one likes an inside joke that they aren?t part of. Do I say this from first hand experience? I don?t want to talk about it! Anyway, I shall attempt to get to the heart of atrial fibrillation. Oh come on, that?s funny. Perhaps not as funny as an America?s Funniest Home Videos crotch shot, but then what really is.A couple of weeks ago, I slipped back into atrial fibrillation, again. That basically means that some part of my heart isn?t pumping right and that my heartbeats are all irregular. And no amount of bran is gonna fix this irregularity. My heart more or less quivers instead of pumping blood to wherever it should go, which is undoubtedly somewhere in my body. I?d like to be more ?medical? with my descriptions, but I tend to drift off when my cardiologist gets all med school graduate on me. Sadly, the same thing...

The Cheese To End All Cheese?
2008-05-20 03:51:00
I love cheese, many of you love cheese, so it just seemed that writing about this next cheese was something I had to do after learning of its existence. And I will admit that it?s a much better topic than the other one I was toying with: Starbucks? new nudie mermaid logo. They get enough publicity. But Casu Marzu on the other hand, does not. If you had asked me about Casu Marzu, I would have told you it was the fancy name of the mansion overlooking Corona or that it was possibly the name of that weird sounding band from the 80s. Oh wait, that might actually be Spandau Ballet, and I have no idea what the heck that means. I understand ballet, but is Spandau just a fancy way of saying Spandex? Because a spandex ballet might be kind of funny to watch. Perhaps a little chaffy for the performers, but that?s what they get for wearing non-breathable spandex during a dance performance!It seems I have drifted of course, again. This post was supposed to be all cheesy. Sorry, I couldn...
More About: Cheese

Hello CIA, I?m Responding To Your Ad
2008-05-19 04:00:00
I joked last week (meaning November of 2006 when I originally wrote this because yes, this is a repost, but I took the time to spruce it up and add things like George Lucas did to Star Wars) about wanting to do a story based on a radio commercial I heard about the fact that the CIA is hiring, but I was too afraid of Big Brother. I mean if my work monitors my blog, there's no telling what the CIA is doing. Well, after reading this AP story about the CIA on Yahoo, I?m ready to. The story is about how the CIA is looking for new employees, which I guess they call 'vacuum sales persons,' though I think that's code for something. The story says that they have shown ads during baseball games, taken out ad space in various magazines and airport billboards as well as during movie trailers and airtime during 'Dancing With The Stars.' Ok, I made that last one up. It even says the CIA has hired an ad agency.I bet the ad company?s creative folks are having a blast pitching ideas to CIA em...

The Mow The Merrier
2008-05-15 02:38:00
The gas price spike hike (I can?t even say it one time fast) has affected a lot of things from the price of food to the reduction of traffic to the stopping of the wonderful gasoline water fountain down at city hall. And it?s a shame too because the ?fueling the future? sculpture was so nice. Perhaps even more than that, it has put yet another crimp in my attempt to get a riding lawn mower (the other crimps of course being the relatively smaller size of my yard and the price of the mower, but those objections can be overcome with time, by which I mean constant nagging, whining and pleading until I get my way).My pure unadulterated lust desire for a riding lawn mower was renewed when I read an AP story recently about how NY police arrested a man wearing a tuxedo who was tooling around on a riding lawn mower in the middle of the night. Yes, he was drunk, but I feel that just obscures the real story here. The real story being that he loved riding lawn mowers so much that he was wi...

Poly-Ticks
2008-05-14 04:07:00
Have you ever wanted to write about politics (heck, even hearing the word can get people riled up) but were afraid to upset or anger or offend or sadden or enflame or pander to or accuse or disenfranchise anyone? Well, I don?t know that anyone actually worries about disenfranchising readers, but the political pundits say that word whenever I watch election coverage on CNN and I wanted to try it out. Honestly, I didn?t think I?d get to use it this early. I thought I?d have to mention Florida or the 2000 election before I got to say it. I have to admit though that it feels good. Well, saying disenfranchising feels good. I?m not really sure how actually disenfranchising somebody feels since I haven?t done that yet. There was a McDonalds in town where I grew up and they had horrible health standards. I think they were disenfranchised since the place is now a $1 Burger joint, but that might be something different. I?ll let you know for sure as soon as I look up the meaning of ?d...
More About: Ticks , Poly

Top 10 Things NOT To Do On Mother?s Day, Even If They?re Accidental
2008-05-13 03:52:00
I realize that this list would have been more helpful if I had shared it BEFORE Mother ?s Day. I promise I?ll try to repost it in time next year. The following are examples culled from all of my male friends and family members. Please note that they are not mistakes I have made. Shirley Surely no single person is capable of being so absent minded. You believe that, right?10. Do not sleep in until well after 10:30 (also know as Noon), especially when you may or may not have offered to serve breakfast in bed. Also, make sure you remember whether or not you offered to serve breakfast in bed. In addition, a late afternoon nap is not a good way to follow up the other stuff I just mentioned.9. Not everyone believes that Indy 500 qualifying is the most important thing happening during the second weekend of every May.8. Similarly, not everyone puts the same importance on having to watch a Ronald Reagan western just because it happens to be on TV. Though, who programs stuff like tha...
More About: Things

The Gettin? Ready Song
2008-05-12 04:03:00
No, that?s not a real song title. I mean there is the Temptations? song called ?Get Ready ,? but that?s about a different subject matter. That one is more of a warning to a lover or some chick that doesn?t wish to be the lover but is about to be pursued by 5 really swell guys all dressed the same who can dance to the music as one. Ok, I think that clears that up. I guess I never admitted to the blog world that I once wanted to be a Temptation. Don?t laugh; if it weren?t for that Peter Brady-like period in ?92 when my voice kept cracking whenever I would sing, I might have become the bass voice for The Temps. Well, until they saw me dance.But enough about spilled dairy products, what I mean is the song you listen to or at least mentally play in your head while you get ready for a day at work or an evening out or maybe a job interview or like me, just taking the trash out. You know what I?m talking about here, right? It?s that song that fills you with confidence, inspires you a...
More About: Song

Randomocity ? That?s all, just Randomocity
2008-05-09 04:02:00
Put your gameshow host voices on and read the next line: It?s Friday and we know what that means?Randomocity!!! Actually, that might not be a bad idea for a game show title. The contestants could be presented a bunch of random photos or words by c-list celebrities and have to figure out what they all have in common. Although, I think we?ve played that before and it was called ?Kindergarten.? Oh well, at least it?s the end of the week. Unless of course you work weekends, but then you?ve been relaxing all week while we were all desk jockeying, so it?s hard (that?s what she said) to feel pity for you. And on to the randomness?* Is ?homey don?t play that? still in use? I used it at work this week and the reaction I received gave me the overwhelming impression that it has been phased out for quite some time now.* Was the El Camino the first hybrid vehicle? After all, it was part car and part truck. Or would that make it the first SUV? And isn?t SUV one of the 14 Law and Orders ...

And Speaking Of Segues?
2008-05-08 03:38:00
I received a comment on yesterday?s post that I just could not ignore. I couldn?t ignore it for two reasons, actually. First, it mentioned creating a holiday and second, Blogger emails me whenever I get comments, so getting comments is pretty unavoidable, not that I?m complaining. I truly believe that man (or even woman) can live on comments alone. And speaking of living, my grass is finally turning green again after So Cal?s most recent heat wave. Yes, I realize that was a sub-par, non-booty kicking segue, but I?m just getting warmed up.And speaking of segues or whatever else I began talking about in that last paragraph hanging up there above this one, Eva left a comment in yesterday?s post (remember when I mentioned that before I starting segueing) about having a National Segue Day. I?m all in favor of that and will spend the remainder of this post writing segues in my hopes of getting everyone excited about a National Segue Day. How will this segue experiment go? I have n...
More About: Speaking

Grumpy Is As Grumpy Does
2008-05-07 04:11:00
Ok, Ok, I know that I?ve been featuring 13,589 too many holiday noticements lately (I think I just used noticement in the wrong context, sorry) but if you hadn?t figured it out yet, I am going to come clean with you or possibly for you. When I can?t think of something to write, I know I can always fall back on a holiday that you have either never heard of or that you don?t believe exists and bastardize that for about 1,000 words. Today is one of those days. Actually, so was yesterday and I?m going to go ahead and warn you right now: tomorrow might me too.Wednesday, May 7 is National Grump Out Day. The name of the holiday can be taken two ways, so I will make sure that by the time you are done reading this that you are fully versed in exhaustive detail about the appropriate way to celebrate National Grump Out Day. Or, I suppose when you are done reading about how to celebrate National Grump Out Day, you might not want to have anything to do with said holiday. The choice is your...

What To Celebrate First?
2008-05-06 03:10:00
Hello there friends, it?s holiday time again (and again, sorry Kat). There are actually a few little celebrations on the calendar for Tuesday. I?ll delve into them one at a time, but first, a disclaimer. I tend to disclaim a lot of things. Perhaps this is because I know I?ll do something wrong or offend someone, yada, yada, yada, etc., etc. The current disclaimer of the day is: I?m writing this while under a bout of atrial fibrillation (as opposed to Monday?s which was: before you go into the office?s breakroom, I made the coffee today, but didn?t know about that little hole that you aren?t supposed to fill the water beyond, but I will clean it up, eventually. In the meantime just be careful where you step because I used all the ?Wet Floor? signs to help me build that fort in my cubicle). So, just like my heart rhythm, my thoughts may tend to be a little pitter-pat, pit, pit-patter, patter, pitter patteryish today.Now, on to the frivolity and general madcap mayhem! Tuesday we celebr...
More About: Celebrate

When A Dream Becomes Reality
2008-05-05 02:05:00
Or, how about when reality becomes a dream? I?m pretty sure that one of those 2 scenarios is better known as déjà vu, but I don?t speak French. Oh wait, is Monte Cristo French? I know that beignet is. Well there ya go, perhaps I do speak a little French. Well, I don?t speak it when my mouth is full of beignets, because that would be rude, but I do speak it when I order them, with extra powdered sugar, of course. I also think I just won an award for excessive over-use of the comma in a completely unimportant sentence. I think I?ve won that award two years straight now, by the way.Do you remember your dreams? Do you have dreams? My answer to both of those is: rarely. However, I had a dream the other night that I do remember and was vividly enjoying until it ended. No, stop that, it was totally ?G?rated. It wasn?t too-Disney-ish, but definitely ?G? rated. While some aspects of the dream are a bit hazy, the overall tone and theme was important enough to make it blogable, or ...
More About: Reality , Dream

More End Of The Week Randomocity, Again
2008-05-02 03:50:00
Wow, it?s getting harder and harder (that?s what she said) to keep coming up with titles that reflect more randomocity. I tried ?Randomocity Squared,? ?Hey Watch Out, Here Comes More Randomocity? and even ?Get Aboard The Randomocity Train Because It?s Back Again? but they just lacked that certain something. The ?certain something? of course being code for ?good? or maybe ?decent.? * In my book, a good father is one who has the patience to drive around town for an hour with his girls as he tries to teach them the background vocals to ?Midnight Train To Georgia,? especially with today?s fuel prices! Hey wait a minute, that?s what I did. I must be a good father. Well, thank you for noticing.* I?m trying to get the phrase ?excuse me, I have to go x-ray my chicken? to catch on. It sounds dirty, but it isn?t. It was part of a conversation I had. With real people. I?m thinking if done correctly it has the potential for sitcom catch phrase AND must have t-shirt fad. Wondering how ...
More About: Week

The One About UFOs Because I Couldn?t Think Of A Better Title
2008-05-01 09:21:00
You may have read this one before. Or, perhaps you did not. The good thing is that after reading it today you will be able to say that you have read it, possibly even twice. Have you figured out yet that I finally figured out that when I put the word 'Repost' in the title that less people are inclined to read it? I also figured out that 'excuse me, I have to go x-ray my chicken' isn't catching on the way I had hoped. I tried it at work, I tried it with friends, I tried it here and on my little Facebook status thingy. Wow, it's a good thing I held off on ordering those 3,000 'excuse me, I have to go x-ray my chicken' t-shirts. That would have been awkward...According to a Reuters news story from Monday, an international panel has asked the US government to reopen its UFO investigations. It also asked the government to open up its ?Elvis is Dead? file and to publish all of its research on the Flying Soda Bottle phenomenon. I however am going to focus on the UFO thing, although...
More About: Title , Ufos

Let?s Be Honest
2008-04-30 09:03:00
Thursday is National Honest y Day. No, I?m lying. It?s actually today. See what I did there? It?s just a little honest humor. Honestly, National Honesty Day is today. What kind of person would I be if I lied to you about National Honesty Day? If you play it straight and honest just one day this year, surely it will be today, right?As usual, I?m not sure what the best way to celebrate National Honesty Day is. I?m thinking it does involve a measure of oh, telling the truth? Even if the girl in the cubicle across from you asks what you think of her new hairdo inspired by Prince and Tina Turner (that would be purple and sticking out all over the place for anyone currently suffering from Mental Imagery Deficit Disorder), you can?t tell her how good it looks just to avoid hurting her feelings. I realize the moral dilemma with this, but it is National Honesty Day. Perhaps your best response to this should be to tell her to ask you tomorrow. Don?t give her a reason, because most ...