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What A Taxing Letter
2008-03-19 04:13:00
Well, it finally came. I finally got mine. I was really starting to worry. It was that same kind of worry one gets during those split seconds as you begin to open an email from your boss titled ?Report Overdue? but it hasn?t loaded and you can?t read the words yet although you begin to vaguely remember a report you think you were probably supposed to have done, but didn?t. Actually, I guess that?s more of a panic than a worry. When the IRS and the government spends over $100 million just to mail a letter that says a tax rebate is coming, well, I don?t want to miss it. Just to be clear though, I?m not talking about missing the tax rebate action; I?m talking about missing the extremely costly letter. And now my worries are finally over because I have the letter and I got to read it and I no longer feel left out when all my coworkers say things like ?well, what did you do wrong, I received mine? and ?can?t you just stop blogging and get a little work done like the rest of us.? Ok...
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Everyone Is Looking For A Bullet Come Monday
2008-03-18 05:08:00
Does anyone else find it odd that random thoughts seem to occur as if on a schedule? I fear that it might take the randomocity out of it. Whatever the answer is, I have some random thoughts to share, just as I do every week, which might not make them as random as I?d like to believe they are. And the answer is yes, I do like to hear myself type?* To everyone who I kept saying ?have a great Monday ? to since Sunday night, I am terribly sorry. I?m not usually such a oxymoron!* It?s a sobering thought when the city puts up those radar screens that show how fast you are driving on your daily walking route and a car zooms past doing 40 and no matter how fast you run, you can?t even make the thing detect you?* It?s a true sign that you are getting older when you no longer see the radar detectors I mentioned above as a way to gauge how fast you can make your car go. In high school and college, we saw these radars as a challenge instead of the threats that we see them as today. *Sigh**...
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That?s One Clean Memo (Again)
2008-03-17 02:21:00
Ok, I have rescheduled Q & A Monday to another day to be determined later so that you can all put on some green and celebrate St. Patrick's day. Since they say that yellow and blue make green, I am wearing blue pants and a yellow shirt to work.I?ve heard of someone wanting to wash their hands of a particular office memo or corporate directive, but I?ve never heard of a company issuing a memo or interoffice directive about hand washing. When I received it in our staff meeting, I thought to myself, boy does my employer care about me. Then I realized it was probably more motivated by my employer wanting to cut down on having to pay sick time when an airborne illness levels their office staff. That made me bitter, resentful and disappointed so I decided it was time to blog about it. Actually, the moment I saw an office handout titled ?STOP THE SPREAD OF GERMS,? I knew I?d miraculously found material to write about just when my internal well of inspiration appeared to have run dry....
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Want To Become A Legend? Paint A Dome!
2008-03-14 03:29:00
On this day in 1512 (assuming of course that today is November 1st, which it is NOT, but which it WAS when I originally wrote this), Michelangelo?s artwork on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome was unveiled to the public. Other than ?ouch, it hurts thy neck to look straight up at thine painting,? the thing most overheard that day was ?woweth, how?deth he doeth thateth and is thee not wearing any pants in thy painting where thee toucheth God?? There are many facts about the frescoes (one of my favorite drinks, by the way) that adorn the Chapel?s ceiling which most people probably aren?t aware of. The real facts concerning the creation of the paintings have been kept from us for almost 500 years.My research is a little sketchy, but I wanted to share the history I?ve uncovered with you all. What most folks don?t know is that Michelangelo (who preferred to go by Mikey, possibly because it is easier to type than Michelangelo) wasn?t as much invited by the Vatican to paint the ceil...
More About: Legend , Paint , Dome

Talk About Getting Tanked
2008-03-13 02:46:00
I just finished reading a Reuters new story that makes me sad?that I can?t make up stuff this good. It?s like the ultimate Liz Lemon, only it was committed by the Russian Military. Apparently, one of their tanks ?accidentally? crashed into a house after the tank?s crew stopped at a local liquor store to buy more, you guessed it, vodka. The story says that the villager got film of a drunken tank driver trying to climb back into his tank holding 2 bottles of Vodka. Um, tell me again why we endured almost a half-century long cold war with these guys. In the ultimate case of a military cover up, the Russians said that the tank must have not been operating correctly and that it had fallen behind the group it was with on an exercise. Which begs the thought that if you are built like a tank, you SHOULD be exercising. OK, go ahead and let out that collective groan?I swear I would give something important like my left pinky finger to be able to dream up a story this good.Seriously tho...
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?Verb?atim
2008-03-12 03:04:00
Inspired by the recent uh, ?adventures? of my blog twin Meleah, I am going to begin working a new verb (or possibly two) into the English language. Since ?man area? hasn?t really caught on to describe the male anatomy (as in ?I just got kicked in the man area?), I am going to try to leave my mark on our language with my new verb. Are you ready? The proposed new verb is ?Liz Lemon. Verb: to find oneself in an embarrassing situation socially, the act of committing a social faux pas, messing up in public.?Here, let me use it in a sentence. ?She pulled a Liz Lemon when she was doing that impersonation of her boss eating like a pig, not realizing that her boss was behind her the entire time.? Or, ?Meleah did a big Liz Lemon when she tried to get into someone else?s car thinking it was hers.? If you have seen 30 Rock, you will understand why I came out with the verb tense of ?Liz Lemon.? This is the same character that once realized she was dating her cousin when she went to her da...

Q & A Monday (Except on the East Coast)
2008-03-11 05:07:00
I dodged a bullet earlier today when for about 45 seconds after our lunch break I was Juror #8. Then the defense counsel exercised their right to have me excused. I?ve had a lot of people make excuses for me in my lifetime, but I never thought a lawyer would do it. I?ll never know for sure why I was dismissed, but it might have been due to the fact that one of the defense lawyers walked by us in the hallway as I was doing my George Bush Sr. impersonation. Or it might be related to the fact that I could not stop yawning while sitting in the jury box. I swear I wasn?t bored, I was just trying to see if I could get all the other jurors and prospective jurors to yawn. Whatever the reason, I haven?t been dismissed that quickly since my Senior Prom in High School. But enough about how I spent my day earning $15 from my friends at the Riverside County Courthouse; we?ve got more pressing matters to discuss.It?s Q & A Monday and I gots me some questions to answer! Just a quick re...
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Special Edition Sunday Post
2008-03-09 09:09:00
I don?t think I?ve written a NEW Sunday post since 2006, but a few events this Sunday make me just want to write from the top of the highest mountain. Ok, that may have been a little over the top, sorry. At any rate, this is the most special of Sundays. Why am I all a-twitter, you wonder? Well, it?s one of my 2 favorite ?clock? times of the year. Maybe I should have said ?clock? days instead of ?clock? times. It is time to Spring forward, which means more sun and longer days, but more about that later. The other reason that today is a great Sunday (and I owe Selma greatly for notifying me of this) is that it is Cheese Sunday in Macedonia. Yep, an actual cheese day. Yes, a day about cheese. Let me state it again to get the full effect here. Cheese Sunday. Sunday/cheese. And if that all isn?t enough, I JUST found out while writing this that my niece ?KFC? was born moments ago at a healthy 5 pounds 9 ounces. Welcome to the world little Colonel. I can?t wait to meet you! ...
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Saturday Evening Post
2008-03-08 17:21:00
Well, since Chefmom only tagged me with this about 3 months ago, I figured I had better get around to writing it. I don't know if there is a universal law against not responding to being tagged with one of these, but I do not want to be the person to find out. So, let's get ready to meme!!! Wait, do I have to pay Michael Buffer $10.80 now for using his line? Great. Well, let me try it this way: Let us prepare to meme!! Yeah, that's uniquely different. Perhaps I can trademark it...The Getting To Know Me Meme...1. What is your occupation?It involves a desk, a drab-colored cubicle and me crying a lot. I think they pay me for it every 2 weeks.2. What color are your socks right now?No socks, just bare feet. It is So Cal ya know.3. What are you listening to right now?I'm not sure if the answer to this is supposed to be 'The Kingston Trio' or Lucy and Ethel whining about me not giving them enough breakfast, so take your pick.4. What was the last thing that you ate?A homemade quesadil...
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It?s Juroriffic
2008-03-07 04:40:00
Or is it Jurortastic? Jurorlicious, perhaps? Whatever you call it, I came one-step closer Thursday to becoming a full-fledged juror as opposed to a juror-elect. That is when I had my first day of jury duty. In the wonderful county in which I currently reside, you have to call in each night for a week until you finally get to Thursday night and hear the glorious recording tell you that by merely calling in for the past 5 nights that you have fulfilled your annual jury duty service. As glorious as that is, they have yet to send me the sticker commemorating by jury fulfillment. Or sucker. Yes, I wouldn?t mind a jury fulfillment sucker. Preferably, grape flavored, though I?d settle for watermelon if that was a deal breaker. In my lovely county, if you make it to Wednesday night without having to report for jury duty, you are usually home free. So, you can imagine my horror delight surprise when I was told that I did indeed have to report in person this year. It made me wonder ...

Display Your Name Proudly
2008-03-06 07:01:00
Thursday is Name Tag Day. As usual, I can only find the existence of the day and nothing about how we should celebrate it. I'm guessing it has something to do with wearing nametags though. Yes, it?s that type of deductive logic that allows me to realize I am burning BEFORE I see the flames on me instead of AFTER I see them like those cartoon characters who think they are so cool. Ditto with falling off cliffs.In honor of Name Tag Day, I am going to create a special nametag for me to wear in the office all day on Thursday. I want it to catch everyone?s attention and explain a little more about me at the same time. However, I won?t resort to bedazzling it with beads and baubles and other glitzy gimmicks like that. Actually, I can?t. I have no idea what a bauble is. I know what a BOBBER is, but I doubt a piece of fishing tackle would look good on a nametag, or smell good for that matter. And let?s face it, if I smell like fish bait, it won?t matter what my nametag says.Maybe the world...
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Random Bullet Shiny Things Wednesday
2008-03-05 03:08:00
Ok, they?re random thoughts highlighted by bullets; I?m just trying to tie into our discussion of bullets from Q & A Monday. It?s that time of the week again where I spew forth useless knowledge, tips and maybe a recipe or two ? a recipe for a good time, that is. Well, that was pathetic. And here come the shiny things?* Here?s a tip for you folks looking to get ahead at work. Stopping at Target on the way into the office (which will make you late) to buy Alan Jackson?s new CD, a bottle of Mountain Dew and a pack of gum (what I call the Trifecta) is not seen as a valid excuse for being tardy. But, it can qualify you to be a redneck (with all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy). I should have picked up that NASCAR magazine I saw just to top it all off. And if it helps, I ended up spilling the Mountain Dew down the front of my shirt and tie.* Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic behind a cement mixer with its chute pointed right at your windshield is not the most comforting thought....
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Before You Call In Sick Today, Read This
2008-03-04 03:07:00
Today was Monday. It was beautiful outside, warm, green, my Mountain Dew tasted just a little more dewier and I swear the birds were singing a Jimmy Buffett tune. It was so nice in fact that I took the longer route into work this morning. It was the route where I drive around for about 45 minutes until I find road construction and a detour so that I can follow the detour even further out of my way and then when I get to work I can blame my excessive tardiness on said detour. It?s been working very well for me, though I fear that coworkers will soon realize that a detour cannot go on for 4 straight months, or that I have yet to find an alternate route into work yet. Until then though, I?ll be living high on the detour hog.Then I got to work and everyone was in such a foul mood. It was a real shame. I don?t know what the last few days were like in Hitler?s bunker (although I?m fairly sure that their lighting and ventilation was better than ours is), but I imagine it was pretty ...
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Q & A Monday
2008-03-03 06:15:00
Well, the calendar say it?s Monday , so I guess I can look forward to changing the month to March on my ?The Office? calendar. Well maybe that and lunch. Lunch is usually good. And I am on call for jury duty this week. To those of you wondering if using the excuse that ?I can?t serve on a jury right now because I have a blog and my readers need me and I have 338 posts in my Google Reader that I haven?t addressed yet? really works, well, I am going to find out. Before all of that however, I need to answer the questions that you were so nice to submit to me over the weekend. There aren?t a whole lot of questions this week, but they are very good ones. I think to raise the number of submitted questions next week that I am going to close down my blog for 3 days and teach myself how to become a better writer so that you, the wonderful reader, can enjoy a better blog visiting experience. I mean that type of publicity stunt worked so well for Starbucks. Surely I can get a little of ...

Escape To Neverland
2008-02-29 07:53:00
Where to begin? It seems like there is so much to blog about. Friday is Leap Day, I walked into the breakroom at work yesterday at the exact moment the coffee maker started beeping that it was ready, I finally beat Ethel at Wii Bowling (but had to apologize after dancing around her in celebration) and I have rediscovered the Slurpee?and am addicted. Well, that?s if you consider 2-3 a day to be an addictive tendency. But I must say that all of those as post topics paled in comparison when I was perusing the news and found out that Michael Jackson?s Neverland Ranch is about to go into foreclosure.Let?s say it does go into foreclosure and someone is stuck trying to sell the place. How do you begin to get people to look at it, or at least get people to look at it seriously? What type of people would be interested in Neverland? After all, it?s kind of like the disgraced version of Graceland, or would that be DisGraceland? Are there that many prospective buyers out there that are ...
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The World Ended, For Just A Little While There
2008-02-28 03:24:00
Yes, for thousands of Americans last night (it could have been millions, but that sounds too dramatic) the world came to a screeching end for a couple of hours. Now, it wasn?t the power outage in Florida. It was the 3-hour closure of every Starbucks. Yep, beginning at 5:30 local time, which would be 5:30 your time and your time and their time, Starbucks closed to train employees on how to make a better cup of espresso. While I never did take a business course, I have worked for a few corporations and even owned my own business for five years, so I feel safe going out on a limb here and making the statement that follows. Is it really that prudent to close all of your 7100 stores for 3 hours? I mean aren?t their employees taught how to make espresso when hired? Isn?t that their THING? You?d think they already know how to do that, right? OK, you?re right, those were more questions than a statements, but seriously, it makes me think of the same thing when I see a gas station clo...
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It?s New And Different Because It?s Random
2008-02-27 03:36:00
Lacking the time to prepare and present one cohesive semi-cohesive essay on something of interest, I am taking the easy way out and writing down more random thoughts and calling them bullets to make it sound fancy. Ya know, the same way that folks refer to jeans as dungarees to fancy them up, which is much better than using a Bedazzler to fancy them up. Ok, now let?s spin the wheel and see what randomitivity is in store:* Happiness is deflating a Whoopie Cushion in front of two 5-year olds. Although truth be told, I may have been giggling harder than Lucy and Ethel.* Why is it that listening to upbeat Sinatra tunes can put a little bounce in your step? Also, why is it that after listening to the same upbeat Sinatra tunes I find myself saying things like ?chick,? ?ring-a-ding-ding? and ?coo-coo baby?? I?m starting to get some pretty funny looks. They are those type of looks that force you to smell your arm pit to make sure you remembered to put on deodorant in the morning. Co...
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Q & A Monday
2008-02-26 04:40:00
Who knew that NASCAR would have a 2 day rain delay at the California Speedway this weekend? Well, I?m sure you didn?t and more to the point: I?m sure you don?t care. But that is the reason why I am posting Q & A Monday so close to Tuesday. I don?t know why I like to preface things so much, but before I get to this week?s questions and answers, let me just say this?Get it? Uh, never mind. Again.OK, just in case you don?t remember the rules of Q & A Monday, please don?t quote my answers for research purposes or to impress your friends. Well, I guess you could, but it wouldn?t be a very smart thing to do. Also, all answers are thoroughly researched and none are fabricated, with the exceptions of the answers that may contain consonants, or vowels and most certainly any combination of both. I think that about covers it. Did I mention the thing about truthfulness? Ok, good.First up this week is Patti who asks:1. Did you have a lunar eclipse in California like we did in ...

Q & A Is Here To Stay
2008-02-22 03:10:00
Once upon a time, I used to do Q&A Tuesdays (I?m sure the few of you who for some reason have kept coming back here since last summer might remember them. If you don?t, well, all you missed was a bunch of misinformation and possibly an inflammatory statement or two possibly coupled with the mention of cheese). Then I got lazy busy and stopped. I?ve been thinking about bringing it back, but in order to do so, I need to have some questions to answer. While I could quiz myself (which I think is legal in all 48 contiguous states, with the exception of maybe Kentucky), I would much rather answer other folks? questions. I say this because I already know the answers to the questions I would ask myself: ?what?s your favorite food,? ?what?s your favorite color,? ?what would be the coolest way to die involving a vat of hot cooking oil,? and on and on and on. Truly exciting stuff as you can see, so yes, I need YOUR questions.If I remember correctly from last time, the rules are simpl...
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It?s Singularly The Greatest Day Ever
2008-02-21 03:36:00
Well, no, it?s not, but the title worked for the post?s subject matter. Tomorrow, Thursday February 21st, is Single Tasking Day. This is of course in direct contrast to multi-tasking or more-than-one-tasking-but-not-enough-to-b e-termed-multi-tasking. Although I guess that would just be semi-tasking or couple-tasking? No wait, semi-tasking would be not completing any of the tasks and couple tasking might be either a couples/relationship counselor or perhaps a swinger, and that thought just makes me a little queasy. And by queasy I mean not wanting to eat for several days, even when deep fried nuggets of beautiful cheese are dangled in front of me on a tray with a Mountain Dew next to it. You know, I sat down to write about something and it seems as though I strayed off course just a little. Perhaps that makes me a semi-tasker or at best, a single-tasker. You may not have noticed, but I have trouble focusing on the same thing for more than?does anyone else hear that squeaking ...
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Woo Hoo, It?s Employee Review Time Again
2008-02-20 03:12:00
Knowing that I will receive my annual employee review later this week and knowing how bad it?ll probably be (remember that little blogging at work talk I received?), I let my mind wander to what lies in store for me. I ended up thinking of: The Things That You DO NOT Want To Hear Your Boss Say During Your Employee Review :?Unfortunately, the Friday before the Daytona 500, Thomas Crapper?s birthday and the anniversary of the debut of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese do not count as official ?national? holidays.??It seems that some people DO find the idea of Disneyland Cuba offensive.??It?s not polite to point and laugh at others while doing the ?Happy Dance? on days when you leave the office early.??Your coworkers seem to have a problem with you playing your Ipod all the time. Well, it?s not so much THAT you are playing it as WHAT you are playing. Really, Barry Manilow? Seriously? Come on, let?s be a little more considerate of the people we share an office with, ok???We decided instead of gi...
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Holiday Repost: President?s Day ? It?s Worth A Day Off!!
2008-02-18 02:06:00
Tomorrow is President ?s Day. It?s a mixture of Presidential Birthdays like Washington?s and Lincoln?s, although Reagan also celebrated a February birthday. As several different food types end up on one plate at a cheap buffet, so it was easier to mix all of the commander-in-chief?s birthdays into President?s Day. Did you think about your Presidents this weekend? I know I did as I spent my Washingtons, Lincolns and Grants at Target, the grocery store, a local restaurant and the gas station. Our Presidents have done amazing and memorable things over the past 200+ years, so let us recall the memorable ones.Who could forget the exploits of our past leaders? Why as far back as 1797 they showed that when elected, they were capable of about anything we could or could not imagine. There was our second President John Adams? XYZ Affair, which almost led us to war with France. Thomas Jefferson had his fling with Sally Hemmings and the impeachment of Andrew Johnson who took office after Lincoln...
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You Know It?s A Slow Day At Work When?
2008-02-15 09:57:00
Well, first of all, you come home from work and actually want to write something detailing how slow the day at work was. That?s a pretty good hint right there. It also may be a sign that I am way too into this blogging thing.Your coworker takes the time to get up from his seat, round his cubicle wall and come tell you personally that he is working on the mother lode of all useless data reports. And you get slightly excited about it for a moment.You actually volunteer to accompany Female Coworker to small claims court, just knowing that she will be found in contempt. Unless of course you are found in contempt for telling her repeatedly to shut up so that she is not found in contempt. It?s a pretty vicious cycle.You find yourself daydreaming about two desert tortoises racing. And the daydream lasts long enough to see who the winner is.You remove the Dwight Schrute head stress ball from the top of your monitor and wash it. You are also found talking soothingly to it while scrubb...
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MMMMMM, Fortified Chocolaty Goodness ? Just In Time For The Holiday.
2008-02-14 09:26:00
CBS 11 television in the Dallas/Fort Worth area recently released the results of an investigation they did that closely examined some of our favorite treats, chocolate. The results, were, well, a bit hairy. Apparently, now there is a new class of chocolate. We have our white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and the newest ? textured chocolate.Yep, the CBS investigation of different types of chocolates found cat hair, human hair, clothing fibers and even parts of an insect. Wow, that is certainly something to, uh, chew on this Valentines Day. Now not only do we have the choice of chewy nougat filled centers, caramel centers or crunchy centers, we get DNA. Wasn?t the big thing about Lady Godiva the length of her hair? How appropriate that you can get her expensive chocolates with some of that hair in there.With all of the things they have found in chocolate, maybe some candy company should come out with CSI Chocolates. You buy the chocolate, you dissect it and you figure out...
More About: Holiday , Time , Goodness , The Holiday , Just in time

Random Wednesday Bullets
2008-02-13 09:11:00
* When your Female Coworker arrives at work with impressions on the skin under her eyes, don?t ask her if she wore goggles on her drive into work. My first clue here was that everyone around me shook their heads as soon as the question left my mouth and began to linger awkwardly in the air. When she puts on her ultra-cool and ultra-hip sunglasses that are all the fashion now to show you how the marks got there, don?t respond by saying ?your sunglasses look like a damn pair of bug eyes.? I probably don?t need to explain any of this any further. Just don?t do it.* Has anyone else seen the Annie Leibovitz Disney World ads yet? If so, have you seen the one with Giselle Bundchen as Wendy, Mikhail Bereznikov as Peter Pan and Tina Fey, yes Tina Fey, as Tinkerbell? Yep, Tina Fey AS Tinkerbell. Those who are regulars to this blog will now understand why I have been reduced to a mass of mumbling, bumbling idiocy?I just hope my boss finds this to be an acceptable excuse for my lack of ...
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Who Knew That Making A Point Would Take So Much Power?
2008-02-12 09:41:00
I have discovered that this week is ?Just Say No To Power Point Week,? although I have yet to see Nancy Reagan. Get it? Just Say No? Nancy Reagan? Oh never mind. As a cubicle dwelling, fluorescent-lit keyboard jockey, this holiday touches a nerve with me. And I?m talking about that kind of nerve where the dentist thinks your mouth is numb but then he scrapes at your gum line only to realize that the local anesthesia hasn?t arrived at its destination yet. Or maybe that type of nerve touching where you watch a video of the guy falling downward onto a pole between his legs. It?s funny, so you laugh while crossing your legs to help numb the pain that the guy on video you have never met is feeling.Like me, I?m sure that many of you are used to the horrible, coma inducing corporate, executive designed PowerPoint presentation. While being subjected to many of those presentations, I gave it some long and hard (that?s what she said) thought and have decided that I would rather be stranded in ...
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The Top Reasons You Know Your Are Sick
2008-02-11 02:31:00
It's been like a week since I made a 'That's What She Said' joke to anyone.You lie awake one night writing up practically an entire episode of the Office in your mind. And it?s about bowling. And then the next night you lie in bed trying to figure out how to produce a video sample of the script for Office executives using only your PEZ collection.After not eating the entire day, you get out of bed at 3AM to make about two pounds worth of pasta topped with butter and parmesan cheese. You top that off with your last egg nog ice cream bar and finish off the great night by bringing it all back up in a very unexpected and unwanted ?encore.?While lying in bed, you think that it would actually be funny that the next time you are in the hospital (which of course is the most positive thought ever) that when your friends or family call you in your hospital room to see how you are doing, you are going to respond somewhat loudly by saying ?well, the doctors say I should go home in a few...
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I Wonder If It?s A Pyramid Scheme?
2008-02-08 09:19:00
Hot on the heels of me offering to write posts for money (which was a joke, really. Honestly. Come on you can believe me) comes today?s pointless holiday that I am choosing to celebrate. Today is called Laugh and Get Rich Day. Now of course I can?t find anything about it on the Wondernet, so I am left to ASSume what we are supposed to do in honor of today.As you might expect, I laugh?a lot. As you also might expect, I GET laughed AT a lot, too. The only problem is that all of my laughing has most certainly NOT made me rich and I?m pretty sure it hasn?t helped my coworkers (the biggest offenders of the laughing at me category) either. If they had gotten money for laughing at me, most if not all of them would no longer need to work and would be what people refer to as ?financially independent.? (When you read that last phrase, feel free to use air quotes).I tried laughing a little earlier, but my wallet still echoes. I thought about trying to laugh outside of a bank to make t...
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The 'I'm Too Busy Watching Election Coverage' Repost: Top Ten (And A Half)
2008-02-06 09:23:00
I post a Top Ten and a Half List every Friday (or at least I used to -- for a few weeks anyway). Why ten and a half? Because I don?t want to be accused of stealing a great idea, of course?So, here are the top ten (and a half) things said either before or after my open-heart surgery for valve replacement:11. That saw isn?t dull, is it?10. Now, when you cut out the old valve, you?ll wake me up so I can see it, right?9. Oh, you say you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?8. Say, did you hear the one about the anesthesiologist and the narcoleptic?7. When I run from now on, will I make sounds like Lee Majors in the Six Million Dollar Man or is that extra?6. Doc, you did a great job. Let me buy you a steak. Oh, the cow is sacred to you? How about pulled pork then?5. Does this new valve make me look fat?4. Can I go home now? I?m starting to lap the old guys when I take my mandatory walks around the nurse?s station.3. What do you mean you can?t find one of your surgical...
More About: Election , Watching , Coverage , Busy

For Rent
2008-02-05 09:18:00
I made a joke yesterday about paying people to write my blogs. Then I retracted that statement realizing that I might be on to something. We all struggle with finding good post material from time to time, right? I know I do. Although there really should be no excuse for that given the fact that I have 3,000 post-it notes surrounding me that contain different things I have heard or seen or thought of for future blog posts. It?s like a giant 3M baby spit up all over my desk, assuming of course there is such a thing as a 3M baby and that it is capable of regurgitating paper in perfectly formed stick squares. Oh man, I think I?m onto next year?s top Super Bowl ad!!But, this isn?t about Super Bowl ads. This is about blogging, or more directly, blogging without really having to blog. So, without further ado, I announce the launch of 'Rent -a-Blogger.? That?s right, for a small fee, you can have ME write your blog posts. I?m still fleshing out the details, but I think I?m going to go with ...
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