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Internal Cleansing: Confrontation and Assertiveness
2007-10-30 19:50:00
Lately my life has been filled with confrontation. This is new territory for me. Usually I run from it like the plague. I would rather bottle up any frustrations and deal with those consequences than have it out with someone. Why? Because I hate how awkward it is and I want everyone to like me, and I cave under pressure. I really struggle with defending my thoughts when going into battle. It’s easier to just keep the peace. However lately that hasn’t been an option. I have gone into battle and I hope good has come out of it. A given example is at my work. This morning I had to confront my boss about micromanaging me. I was not looking forward to it but I knew if I didn’t say anything, it would continue and I would slowly lose any power that I have over my department. I don't want to lose my job, or submit my team to being told what to do by him instead of me because its confusing for them. Plus it tells me that he doesn't trust me to do my job. Feathers have been ruffl...
More About: Internal , Assertiveness , Confrontation , Cleansing

Forgiveness: How to Make Peace with your Past and Get on with Your Life
2007-10-26 17:49:00
To search inside click here Sorry it has been so long since I’ve posted. There have been some personal issues that have been taking up much of my spare time. I am reading an amazing book that I can’t put down titled Forgiveness : How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get on with Your Life by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon. It discusses how forgiveness isn’t a gift that you give to someone who hurt you, but a gift you give to yourself. Many physical stressors in our lives occur due to the fact that we are holding onto grudges and other heavy baggage that weighs us down because we feel that by forgiving we are somehow giving in or letting them get away with it or that we are not validating our feelings. I haven’t finished it yet but I feel like I can relate so well with the words so I thought I would share with you a quick summary and some of my favorite entries so far. What Forgiveness is Not Forgiveness is not forgetting.Forgiveness is not c...

Anxiety of Jury Selection Should be a Reality TV Show
2007-10-23 02:30:00
photo by Eric HamiltonToday I had to go to the downtown courthouse to fulfill my civic duty and potentially serve on a jury. For me, this was a dream come true. I am a big fan of the legal world and love to see it in action. I really wanted to be on the jury. When I got to the courthouse I was about twenty minutes early and so I sat down along with everyone else and immediately I was struck with panic. I tried to take deep breaths and that helped a little. I took some Clonozepam and worried that I wouldn't have enough time for it to kick in. I watched the minutes counting down and realized that if I needed to go to the restroom to let the panic explode, I could be late for the beginning and I didn't know what that would do. I didn't want to miss anything. So I pulled out my lappy and pulled up my/this blog- The Reality of Anxiety , and clicked on the label "Self Talk." I scanned the articles and read positive affirmations and similar situations and what I did to talk myself out of...
More About: Show , Selection , Ality

National Love Your Body Day
2007-10-18 18:26:00
Today is National Love Your Body Day. According to this website 80% of Women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. The first day was celebrated back in Sept. 25, 1998.So this morning I got up and did the works to celebrate today. Shower, shaving, tweezing, bleaching, styling, etc. I was thinking about what I would mention and realized that I had it all backwards. I was trying to be beautiful instead of already thinking I was. I think the most important thing is to realize is that today is a day to love your body NOW, the way it already looks. Its not a day to say, “because I love my body I am going to start that diet..." It's where you appreciate what you already have and celebrate YOU!Dove has been doing a campaign for a long time on celebrating "real" beauty as opposed to what society tells us is beauty. Here are some of their videos. They are all short but have an awesome message. Dove- Campaign For Real Beauty Another video by Dove that is very...

Successful Small Trip
2007-10-17 17:11:00
Some of you may have noticed that I removed my last post. I apologize for the broken link to any subscribers. I had mentioned some gripes about work and accidentally left the company name in the post. A coworker found the post by googling the company name and so I thought it would be best to remove it before my company removed me! Lets catch up. This weekend I took a trip to Vegas to watch a football game. Its tradition that we always go to the away game to Vegas and dress up like idiots for the game. Everyone stares at you and either cheers you on for being so gutsy or just stares in amazement. This time when we went I wasn’t looking forward to it because I was worried about my anxiety flaring up and ruining the trip. Needless to say the morning of I took a little Clonozepam and it helped. When I felt anxious the next morning I just did what I wanted to do and didn’t force myself to do anything. I only ate what was comfortable. And I made it through panic attack free. I...
More About: Small , Trip

World Mental Health Day
2007-10-10 19:48:00
Today is World Mental Health Day as initiated the World Federation for Mental Health and has been celebrated annually since 1992. The theme for this year is "Mental health in a changing world: the impact of culture and diversity"."Mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.”The culture you are surrounded in greatly determines the way in which you deal with your symptoms. However, mental health effects every country no matter where you live. According to the WHO website:Mental, neurological and behavioural disorders are common to all countries and cause immense suffering. People with these disorders are often subjected to social isolation, poor quality of life and increased mortality. These disorders are the cause of staggering economic and social costs. Hundreds of millions of...
More About: World Mental Health Day

Feelings of Rejection Lingering
2007-10-09 20:29:00
photo by Ben Larson I had another dream last night about being rejected. This seems to be an ongoing theme to my dreams almost every night. Usually it is being rejected by men, being back in high school and getting rejected by boys I thought were cute for example. But last night’s dream had a twist. My best friend in the dream was Sara Jessica Parker (probably because I really got into the Sex and the City series and considered the relationship the women on that show had as my ‘ideal’ kind of friendship). But at the end of the dream, she decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore and it really hurt. This brought me back to some real traumatic events in my youth that I was thinking about in the shower. A lot of blog post ideas come to me in the shower. I had a best friend all growing up that lived right down the street. We were the kind of friends that are inseparable, weekly sleepovers, secret clubs, dressing alike, the works. Only in eighth grade she decided to tr...
More About: Feelings , Rejection , Erin

A Quick Update and Other Ramblings
2007-10-07 02:49:00
If you are not reading this at The Reality of Anxiety homepage you are reading stolen content. Please click here to be redirected to the original author's page.I made it through my birthday without a panic attack. I didn't really do very much for it and maybe thats why. I kept it pretty low key. And although a part of me was sad that there was no party, no big dinner celebration where all the attention was on me and my existence, the majority of me was happy to just be panic free.So I took the route of doing what I wanted. I took a half day of vacation from work and went out to the mountains with a couple of mt friends to take pictures of the fall scenery. I had been wanting to get up there before the weather got too cold, and photography is very relaxing for me. The weather was perfect. As I have said before, I am a big believer in taking up hobbies because they are very therapeutic and I think they help you to gain confidence. I personally enjoy photography, blogging, and playin...
More About: Update , Quick

If it's Your Birthday, You Can Be More Prone to Panic
2007-10-04 19:02:00
If you are not reading this at The Reality of Anxiety homepage you are reading stolen content. Please click here to be redirected to the original author's page.photo by PinkCakeBoxSo today it’s my 25th birthday. I love my birthdays, I love the gifts and the doting comments you get. The attention is nice and I love positive attention. However there is another side of my birthday that I really hate. Every birthday that I can remember I have had a panic attack. Usually because in our society you usually celebrate someone’s birthday with a big meal. That much attention focused on me always made me sick. I can’t count how many birthdays I have been sick on. This makes sense because people that have social anxiety often don't like to be put in the spotlight. I hate the feeling of having to preform for people. And when its your birthday you are definitely in the spotlight all day long. A year ago I was out to eat for my birthday lunch with my coworkers and in the middle of the me...
More About: Birthday , Panic

A Case of Stolen Identity Blog Style
2007-10-01 21:38:00
It has come to my attention that there is a website out there that automates all of my content onto their website. Now normally I love links back to my site or when someone mentions a post I did or reposts one of my posts on their blog. However this isn't anything like that. This website just takes whatever post I have done and posts it as their own on their website with ads everywhere so they are making money off of my blog. That bothers me because I don't have ads on this blog and if anyone should be making money off my content it should be me.So why am I bothering all of you with this? Because I cannot get this person to stop, so I am hoping that they will see this post when they steal it and get the hint. I have emailed everyone I know of to try to stop them but I haven't heard back from anyone. Not even Google who is sponsoring her ads has responded to my 2 emails I sent them.The website in question is www.fearaid.org. If you are currently on this website and viewing my cont...
More About: Blog , Style , Stolen , Case , Identity

Warning: Anxiety Can Cause Insomnia
2007-09-29 08:23:00
photo by MontanaRavenLately at my house we have been going to bed earlier because getting up earlier in the cold, dark mornings of fall seems so impossible. Tonight we turned the lights off at 10:00 which is pretty early, especially for a Friday night! However my mind was tired and I LOVE sleeping so I don't mind.The last little while I have been having problems falling asleep. This has never been the case before. I used to be able to fall asleep anywhere at any time of day. Lately, when I lay down to fall asleep, I feel like I have restless leg syndrome, only its in my legs and my neck and my arms, etc. I can't get comfortable and after 30 seconds in one position I desperately have to rotate because my body is just itching to move. Previously this behavior would continue for a couple hours until sleep finally came over me, but its a horrible battle. Tonight, I got so tired of it I just got out of bed and decided to do something more productive until I got really tired.I was doing...
More About: Warning , Anxiety , Insomnia , Omni

Blog against Abuse Day
2007-09-27 19:30:00
Today is the official Blog against Abuse Day as you may have noticed on my little poster on my sidebar. It’s where bloggers all around the world are, you guessed it, blogging on any form of abuse in any field. There are blogs today on stopping animal abuse, elderly abuse, abuse against children, sports games, anything and everything you can think of. So when thinking about what topic I would choose that was relevant to my blog, I decided to take a stance today that is controversial in the world of anxiety. And that is whether or not to take medication. In my opinion, by depriving yourself of medication that can help you live a more ordinary life, you are abusing your self worth and your right to happiness. That’s a pretty bold statement to make and I am sure many of you are reeling right now ready to rip me a new one. So I will list all of the reasons I know of as to why people don’t take medication and my thoughts on them. If I forgot one or don’t have your reason on th...

Anxiety is Full of Ups and Downs
2007-09-26 18:10:00
photo from my yesterday's adventure Yesterday was an interesting day. I had to start the day driving around downtown Salt Lake City to find the Utah Board of Education building. I was going to install our software on one of their computers. Well, the address that was given me was wrong. Driving somewhere that I’ve never been to before I hate, but even worse is getting lost and being late to something important. I started to panic. I quickly called Tyler and explained the situation to him. Luckily his new job had him right around the corner and he was able to come and help me. I was able to get there only a little bit late. It was a stressful experience but I made it through just fine. On my way back to the office I picked up some fast food. I tried to eat it at my desk but kept getting interrupted and soon it got cold. But I was full anyway so no big deal. Than a couple co workers and I decided to go take some photos of the fall colors in a nearby canyon. On the drive down t...
More About: Full , Anxiety

I Can Only Imagine
2007-09-25 00:00:00
Its not a new year, but it feels like today is a fresh start, a clean slate. Its a very hopeful feeling. I think its because I am finally starting to feel better, and work is finally calmed down a bit. Instead of working like a dog I am planning for the next time I will have to work like a dog. Also my birthday is coming up and that is in the back of my thoughts, so I guess it is almost a new year in some way.Today I got a magazine subscription offer that I would normally turn down, but it was sent from my little nephew in Ohio in his little kid handwriting to help him raise money for his school. How can you turn down that? So I am going to order Women's Health and I am excited about it.Ok so to go along with this great feeling that I have today, I want to share with you one of the most inspirational videos I have ever seen. Every time I see this video it makes me cry, but it has an amazing message.This is a video of a father and son team that runs triathlons. To learn more about T...
More About: Imagine

Pharmacists Might Care After All
2007-09-21 17:16:00
photo by TheConsumeristYou always see those commercials about the pharmacist going to your kids baseball game, showing how much they care about their patients, but you know its all bull. I usually get my prescriptions filled at the nearby Smiths grocery store, and it seems every time I go the people working there had no idea what they were doing. I have never been impressed.However yesterday I had the first good experience at a Pharmacy. Due to the last week and a half of feeling completely miserable, I decided it was time to go see the doctor and make sure I didn't have strep throat or something that antibiotics could help with. After my doctors visit I went to Smiths to pick up my prescriptions. Ty got a new job but there is a trial period before his insurance kicks in, so I signed up with my company. But I didn't have the card to prove it since I signed up the day before. So the pharmacist told me until I could get them the information they needed, I would have to pay full pric...
More About: Care , Arma

How Dreaming About Positivity Actually Boosts My Confidence
2007-09-19 21:32:00
photo by benrybobenryI had a very unusual dream last night. I dreamt that I was getting ready to go to college and I was organizing my new “dorm” like living space. I was ok with the idea of everything and I felt confident in my ability to handle the situation of going to school and taking college courses. Here’s why that is so interesting. I don’t really tell people this, but I am scared to death of going to college, and therefore have never set foot in a college classroom. Why? I have no idea. I know this is an excuse, but deep down inside I grew up with the attitude that I would never go to college because it was too expensive and I would have to pay for it myself. Now I think it seems too overwhelming for some reason. So it was interesting to me to feel so okay about taking this on. Like it was no big deal. When I woke up it made me start to wonder about if it really would be something I could do if I treated just like that, no big deal. I want to get my hu...
More About: Confidence , Dreaming , Ally , Positivity

9 Ways to Motivate Yourself
2007-09-17 20:18:00
Lately I have been a bit of a slacker when it comes to behaviors I know in the long run will help me feel better but I am not in the mood to do them. It can feel like a lot of work sometimes to start a new behavior, especially if you feel under the weather like I do right now. So I thought I would do a little research on motivating myself to get off the couch (which will be even tougher now that new fall series are starting!) and do my yoga, prepare for a healthy meal, or even simply taking my medication. I have simply gotten lazy. Here is a really cool article I found by Skye Thomas over at www.icbs.com:"Achieving the really big goals and dreams always involves breaking it down into do-able little steps. Assuming that you've picked a goal or dream that you really love working at, then most of the steps are a delight to take. No matter how much you love your dream and no matter how much you love your work, there are going to be tasks along the way that you really don't want to do....
More About: Motivate

Question Box
2007-09-13 23:58:00
photo by Tal BrightI want to base as many posts as possible on real questions from readers. So - the ‘question box’ is open. This posting is going straight to my sidebar as an ongoing conversation. It is my question box, where anyone at anytime can ask me a question about anxiety or stress or anything related to Mental Health. Although I am not a physician, I will do my best to help you with whatever questions you have on the subject, or otherwise find someone who is better qualified to answer it for me. Maybe its medication related, or ways to reduce stress, you name it. Ask away. I will respond here in the comments section but will also do posts on the topic if appropriate. Any topic is fine - but I’ll of course give priority to those that are on topic to this blog. So fire away, I am looking forward to seeing what the Reality of Anxiety community comes up with. Note: If you don’t want your name/blog to be linked to your question feel free to ask it anonymously. Please ...
More About: Question

Lonely Like a Fish Out of Water
2007-09-13 19:51:00
photo by colodioSorry for the delay in posts but I have been out sick for two days without a computer. I have been going through Reality of Anxiety withdrawals. So a very interesting thing has happened to me lately. With my business trip and my husband now gone on a business trip and with all the overtime I have been working before the business trips, it feels like a long time since my husband and I have spent any time together. And at first I was fine, in fact I love spending time alone to do whatever I want, or better yet, nothing at all. However the last few days I have started feeling lonely. This is not common for me at all. I am finding myself calling friends and family just to talk. I actually went over to a friend’s house last night to hang out for no reason at all, just because I wanted to get out of my house and interact with someone. It’s been overwhelming. I haven’t broken down into tears but have felt close to it at times. I just feel so alone and useless. Luckily...
More About: Fish , Water , Lonely

Quick Thought For the Day
2007-09-10 20:47:00
While in a classroom installing our software I saw this quote hanging above the chalkboard, "Be yourself. An original is always worth more than a copy."I like that because so often we are trying to conform to what we think is acceptable, what's appropriate, what others will like us for, instead of just being what or who we are.In this picture my niece is being just that- crazy, spunky, I'll do anything to get you to laugh, Rylee Jane.If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety or Add it to Your Technorati Favorites.
More About: Thought , Quick

Do's and Don'ts of Traveling with Anxiety: Part 3
2007-09-08 21:16:00
For me this is the best thing I did for myself on my business trip to California. If renting a car, DO rent a GPS unit to help you navigate.I have a lot of anxiety with driving. It took me 3 tries to get my license and it was only due to my parent's pushing me. I was 18 when I finally got it. I had no desire to drive. Sitting in the driver seat nearly gave me panic attacks. I eventually got used to it, but had a hard time on the freeways. So I would drive if I had to but I would avoid freeways as much as I could.Now I have to drive an hour to work everyday on the freeway. I don't like driving with people in the car with me, and I don't like driving when I don't know how to get there. So anytime I have to drive with others, I actually ask someone else to drive my car so I don't have to deal with the anxiety.So for me to go to a busy city like San Jose and San Fransisco all by myself and drive everywhere, this caused a lot of panic for me. It was probably what I was the most wor...
More About: Part , Anxiety , Part 3 , Traveling

Do's and Don'ts when Traveling with Anxiety: Part 2
2007-09-07 07:40:00
DO know a bit about the culture you are going to.I will never forget when my 6th grade Spanish teacher told me the most important thing you can remember in the Spanish language is "?Donde esta el bano?" Translation= Where is the bathroom? I used to laugh about that. Today I was driving around and I had to pee really bad! I stopped at a 7 eleven but they didn't have any restrooms. She told me to go to the restaurant next door. In there I asked the woman where the bathrooms were and she looked at me in confusion and said "No speak English." In San Jose, it appears most adults only speak Spanish. All of the children are becoming bilingual in school, but the parents are more behind. I am definately a minority in these parts. So back to the story, I smiled and I was able to ask her in Spanish my question. Its one of the only things I can remember to say and today it was very relieving!DO put yourself first.There have been many times on this trip where I was worried about being late, won...
More About: Part , Anxiety , Traveling

Do's and Don'ts when Traveling with Anxiety: Part 1
2007-09-05 06:31:00
Today was my first day of travel on my business trip and I have sooo much to say from what worked and what didn't that I thought it might be best if I broke it up into Part s. So here is Part 1.DON'T Assume you are in a good enough place to not properly prepare your mind beforehand.You would think I would have learned my lesson from my last trip to Hawaii. But when my business trip that was scheduled in few weeks suddenly turned into a few days, all I could think about was packing, scheduling, finances, etc. I figured I would bring my medication and my mp3 player with my recordings of positive affirmations and that would be enough. WRONG! Unfortunately on the way to the airport I had my first full blown panic attack in 4 months. I am not sad about it because I know that every setback has a valuable lesson to be learned, even if it has to be shoved down your throat in my case. I think the second time is a charm, and I won't forget it for the next time. I should have properly prep...
More About: Anxiety , Traveling

Anticipatory Anxiety over Business Trip
2007-08-30 21:07:00
photo by Bruno D RodriguesToday I found out that in a few weeks I am going to have to travel to North California for business. I will be doing this trip alone. That scares me to death. I am trying to look at it as an adventure but I know I will be a nervous reck about it. I will have to rent a car and drive which that alone is enough stress and anxiety, but add driving to unknown places in unfamiliar towns and cities and thats really scary for me. I have never done something like this before. At least all by myself. I am going to have to plan as much beforehand as I can with maps and mace. Just thinking about it is making feel like I can't breathe. I am having to take giant heaping breaths even as I type this.***Ok I just took a quick walk away from my desk and was thinking about it and I am trying to focus on the excitement aspect, not the fear. I will be able to take pics of the Golden Gate bridge and prove to myself that I am a capable of doing this on my own. It will be a chall...
More About: Business , Trip , Anxiety , Pato , Sine

Rejecting Rejection
2007-08-29 21:06:00
photo by wuji9981It seems that when I am not having horrible nightmares of being shot and dying, I am having dreams of being rejected. The person(s) rejecting me vary from night to night, but the theme is always the same. I am usually back in high school confronting friends, or crushes, or old flames and all of them don't want to be around me for some reason. I spend the entire night pining for their acceptance and mourning over the lack of it. I feel sad, discouraged, and lonely all night long. According to Dream Moods, "To dream that you are being rejected, signifies a lack of self-worth and alienation of others."Another website about the symbolism of dreams says,"Rejection in a dream shows that the dreamer either is frustrated by non-acceptance or want to rid himself of certain feelings."This seems to go hand in hand with yesterday's post discussing Self-Esteem. Ok so I have already admitted that my self-esteem could use some work. But this is not so...

How Self-Esteem Feels
2007-08-29 02:31:00
This is taken from La Belle Foundation which is a self-esteem learning foundation (S.E.L.F.):"These are general descriptions of how we feel when our self-esteem is high and how we feel when it is low. Those of us who fit either description on a regular basis know that our self-esteem is in tact or in need of work. You are generally not thinking about yourself and do not analyze yourself. You feel good most of the time. When you feel bad, it doesn't last long. You are resilient in the face of diversity. You smile a lot. You have positive belief systems about your self, your family and society as a whole. You have lots of energy. You are able toaccomplish most of your goals. You are friendly. You enjoy meeting and being with others. You draw people to you. You make long-term friendships. You l...
More About: Self Esteem , Eels , Esteem

Pulled in all Directions
2007-08-28 19:37:00
Quick Post to let you know that right now I am feeling pulled in all directions. Work, wife, church, all is extremely stressful right now and I am sorry that I haven't posted. I have been thinking about it but I don't have much to offer right now as I am just trying to keep my head above water.I successfully prevented a panic attack on Sunday by breathing deeply and writing down positive affirmations and some mistaken beliefs- ex I asked myself, "Whats the worst thing that could happen? How would I handle that? Is it really all that awful?" and I also took some clonozepam. It was really helpful.I promise to post something useful soon, hopefully today.Here is an interesting article from Healthcentral.com about replicating the out of body experience you feel when having a panic attack.If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety or Add it to Your Technorati Favorites.
More About: Directions , Pull , Dire , Rect

What to Do When Your Spouse Gets Fired?
2007-08-24 17:56:00
photo by blmurchYep, my hubby got fired this week from his job. The stress is horrible. So many thoughts race through your head. What are we going to do for money? What can I do to comfort him? What kind of changes are we going to have to make to our budget? Are we going to have to move? Am I handling this the right way? Should I be angry? The list goes on...Also, I think this would be a great time for him to go back to school, but he is still deciding. I have told him my thoughts several times, but I can only nag so much and its his life. Its so much easier for me to say what to do when I don't have to do it.So for now we will see what happens. Honestly I think its a blessing because the company he worked for was horrible and didn't appreciate his hard work at all. Plus now he can hopefully find something he loves doing or like I said, finish school. I have tried to be very supportive and loving. I have tried not to worry too much because I know he can find another job easily if ...
More About: Fired , To Do , Spouse

Blog down ALL DAY and potential Book Review
2007-08-23 00:39:00
Unfortunately Blog ger has been having some issues and my blog has been unaccessible in IE all day long! So I am sorry for anyone who keeps getting an error. It works in Firefox- woo hoo! I personally love Firefox.So lately I have been feelin the stress. BIG TIME. I am trying to stay positive but we're talking potential life changing events. So I can't really focus on very much else right now. I just pray that it will all turn out okay. I will keep you posted. Usually when I get like this I bite all my nails but since I have fake ones one, I have resorted to ripping them all off. Now my fingers hurt.Anyway, I will try to come up with a good post in the near future as the last little while I have been feeling drained. I want to read "Feeling Good" because I have heard good things about it. I reserved a copy at the library and look forward to getting it. Anyone already read it? Any reviews?If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety
More About: Book Review , Review , Book , Tent

Yoga for Workaholics
2007-08-20 20:32:00
If you are like me than you spend the majority of your day sitting in front of a computer. With all of the work that I do it makes it difficult to set a time to do yoga even though I know it is so very beneficial to me. I always feel so much better after doing it. Luckily I came across some really cool, short videos that show you different yoga techniques that you can do at your desk at work to help you take a break. Its nothing huge or life changing, rather something small and easy to implement that could help you have a better day. The majority of these I could do at my desk without drawing very much attention to myself. A few I probably would get some weird looks if anyone saw me. I think they are worth checking out, especially the neck stretch, shoulder, wrist, spine, chest, seated twist, and seated twist with legs crossed videos.Enjoy :)Click here for more on "Office Yoga : Easy Exercises for Desk Jockeys"If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety