The Reality of Anxiety

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CELEBRATE.
2008-06-02 21:08:00
I know that I haven’t posted in forever and I am so sorry about that. Lately it seems that as my due date looms closer I have gone into survival mode of just trying to make it through the day doing the bare minimums. Plus I have been blessed to have my anxiety not as strong throughout my pregnancy because my appetite has taken over my worries in my head. It’s amazing what the human body can do. However today started a fresh wave of panic because the plans for 3 baby showers are starting to solidify. The invitations are being made, addresses are being collected, and I have to go register for baby stuff this week because I procrastinated as long as I could. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for the baby showers because we really don’t have a lot of the supplies we need yet and it shows that people really care about me. However being in the spotlight has me starting to worry as it always does. In fact, the anticipatory anxiety over having a baby shower started soon aft...
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A Year Later: Same Scenario, Different Outcome
2008-05-09 22:16:00
photo by hugovkI am excited to talk about growth- of my own personal kind. Its not easy to see on a day to day basis, but today proved to be one of those situations where I could easily compare how I used to be to how I am now. Today we had our company’s annual shareholder’s meeting. Everyone gathers together for lunch to discuss business. Last year when this luncheon happened, I remember being physically sick over it and having to rely and confide in a few coworkers who have now become really close friends. I asked them to sit next to me and I told them my problem in case I had to run out suddenly to avoid throwing up. I was embarrassed, nauseas, and scared of what others might think of me for what I did or didn’t eat. It was around this time that I actually started this blog. What a difference today’s meeting was for me. I walked upstairs alone to go to the conference not even consciously thinking about whether anxiety would be a problem. I also didn't know that I wa...
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Could withholding feelings contribute to your anxiety?
2008-04-24 00:09:00
I have friends who are very open about their feelings. They are able to communicate the good and the bad very easily and openly. I on the other hand have always leaned toward not expressing them. This is hard for me to do as a friend, and was even a manager. For some reason having to look one of the employees in the eyes and tell them what a great worker they were was really hard for me. Easier to understand why it was hard to tell them they were slacking or needed to do better, but it’s a little strange that even positive feedback is hard to express. I think it’s all wrapped around what they will think of me for saying that, or it is just embarrassing for some reason. I think growing up that was just how it was in my family. Positive feelings or problems weren’t openly discussed or expressed very often or maybe just not often enough. It got me wondering if that behavior somehow contributed to my panic attacks. Because had I been more open about feelings with people, than ...
More About: Contribute , Anxiety , Feelings

When Help is Harmful- A Few Quick Tips for Friends and Family
2008-04-18 23:49:00
photo by duncanHow to Avoid Help Hazards:When entering a trigger situation, don’t mention anything about the anxiety to the worrier. It may seem like a nice supportive thing to do to ask “How are you feeling?” “Are you going to be ok?” etc, but for all you know the worrier isn’t even thinking about it and you will make them realize that others may be thinking about it and watching them which alone can cause anxiety and panic. The best thing to do is to ask the worrier later once you have left the situation. You can let them know then that you were thinking about them. Never say something like “It’s not a big deal, just stop worrying about it.” Believe me if we could we would in a heartbeat. Just being supportive is your best bet. Not inviting the person to an event because you know it may cause them anxiety. Give the worrier the option whether he or she wants to go instead of making the decision for them. T...
More About: Family , Friends , Tips , Quick

Spammers Ruin Everything
2008-04-17 18:24:00
Unfortunately because of an increase in spammers leaving bogus comments on the blog, I have had to take the dreaded step of adding word verification to the comments. I hate having to do that on other people's blogs, so I apologize that I am asking you to do it as well. I only want your amazing feedback, ideas, suggestions and questions and I don't want to dilute the content with unwanted spam. If it turns out that the comments really start to suffer from this then I will reverse it and just keep manually deleting the spam as it appears. For those that don’t know what the heck I am talking about, what this means is that when you leave a comment from now on, it will ask you to type in some letters/ numbers in a box first to make sure you are a human and not some spam. It only takes a few seconds to do, but it is an annoyance that I wish we didn’t have to do. ** Update- 5/7/08: Also another annoyance is when people leave comments that are simply to sell something they are promot...
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Attention: Mental Health Bloggers Needed
2008-04-16 21:33:00
Here is an email I received a little while back:"I am part of a research group from The College of New Jersey interested in gaining information on the views of authors of mental health blogs. This study is part of a research project of Dr. Yifeng Hu, a professor in the Communication Studies department at TCNJ. You have been contacted because you are the author of such a blog. Participation will involve responding to surveys about your mental health and blogging habits. The results are completely confidential. No respondent's personal identity will be requested or associated with any set of answers. We appreciate your time and help with our study and as a thank you for participating you will receive a $5 gift card (or you can choose to donate your amount to Mental Health America). If you are interested, please send an email to mhblog@tcnj.edu and be sure to include a link to the home page of your blog as well as your preferred contact email address. The survey will be sent to you...
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Maintaining Control When Anxiety is Triggered
2008-04-11 19:51:00
photo by ortizmj12I would like to wrap up this mini series on working with our triggers, otherwise known as our big, hairy, mean, dark unnerving fears. If you have kept up with the last couple posts, then hopefully you’ve discovered what your triggers are and decided to not avoid them. So, you are now in a fearful situation where your triggers are triggering your anxiety. How do you maintain control? How do you stay there when you really want to run away? How do you face your fears? I have written about this in many different ways here on the blog in my own journey to finding answers and has evolved into what the heart of this blog is all about. This is what we are all looking for, striving for- a way to live our lives without the constant feelings of panic that tag along wherever we may go. A way to not give into those fears and be able to enjoy ourselves. I am not all the way there yet, and truthfully I may never be. But I have learned how to minimize the effects that the pani...
More About: Anxiety , Control

The Importance of Not Avoiding Your Fears A.K.A. Triggers
2008-04-03 21:27:00
photo by kxp130Recently I posted on how to discover what your triggers are. Once you know what your triggers are, its important to not avoid them. I think this is a really crucial thing to remember when trying to manage your anxiety. Avoidance seems like the most natural thing to do. Your insides may be screaming to run the other way. We want to be happy and comfortable, so why on earth would we force ourselves to do something that is scary and fearful if we don't have to?The reason is because the more we avoid them, the bigger, meaner, and scarier those triggers become. For example, if I don't go out to eat with friends because I know it could cause me to panic, then it will be twice as hard to go out the next time too. And even harder the time after that. Eventually I would never go out at all. And that is how agoraphobia starts.Sometimes you hear about people that can't leave their homes. They haven't stepped outside in years. This is an extreme case of agoraphobia but it has...
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Waiting For the Fall
2008-03-28 20:45:00
Do you ever have periods in your life where everything is just peachy? Almost too good for too long a time that you start to worry, and wonder when the next personal setback, family tragedy, or financial blow up will come? Don’t get me wrong, my life is in no way perfect. Pregnancy brings its own share of headaches, backaches, etc. My dogs just escaped from home last weekend which brought on some worry that they were hurt and they were locked up all weekend which made us sad and lonely. You can read more about that here if interested. I've been up since 4 am this morning and am crazy tired. But overall my life isn’t half bad lately. My pregnancy is going so much better than I ever expected it to, money hasn’t been tight for a while, work is cruising along, etc. My anxiety tends to come and go in waves. When it’s around it can be constant, everyday, and then fade away for a couple of months. And I feel that I am in a recession right now where I don’t have to deal with...
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Discovering Your Triggers
2008-03-19 23:36:00
I recently had a conversation with a reader of the blog and it has prompted this post, I hope she doesn't mind. Sometimes I take for granted where I am in my process of figuring all this out that I don’t realize all the steps it takes to get there. Specifically, I know what my triggers are. Performing for people via eating, driving, playing the piano, etc. all cause anxiety for me. Eating is enough anxiety to cause a panic attack. But it took me YEARS to realize that this was what it was. I struggled thinking maybe I was allergic to something, maybe I had a weird eating disorder, maybe I had IBS, and so on. This reader was puzzled because she didn’t know what caused her panic attacks. They would come out of no where and so it was hard for her to prepare for them. If you fall into this same category, all is not lost. Here is my suggestion. For the next while, any time you feel any anxiety at all, track it. Depending on how often you have panic attacks or bouts of ...
More About: Triggers

The Bodies Exhibition- Las Vegas
2008-03-19 00:07:00
I got back from my weekend in Vegas last night. Overall I consider the trip a great success. Certainly not anxiety free, but I had no full blown panic attacks. Here is what I did to help me this time. I printed out my last post that I had prepared ahead of time and kept it in my back pocket at all times. I read it every morning before I left the hotel room. On the first day we were eating in a food court environment at Gameworks and I started to feel nauseous. I am pretty sure it was anxiety provoked. I just stopped eating. When my friends asked me what was wrong I simply said I didn’t feel well. Then when I could feel the nausea subside a little, I just stuck with the simple rice that I had to get something down. The next morning I woke up panic stricken at 5:30 am. I used to feel this every morning when I would wake up. I am glad this happened when it did because I was able to lie there in bed and talk myself through it until I could fall back asleep and feel better about i...
More About: Las Vegas , Exhibition , Bodies

Traveling With Anxiety- Trip #3
2008-03-14 19:46:00
photo by RoadsidepicturesThis weekend I am going on a trip to Las Vegas with my husband and some friends. What a fun thing to do right? However I have had some minor anticipatory anxiety worrying about it this week since the last two trips I went on was either an anxiety nightmare, or at least had some smaller setbacks.Following my true natural instincts I procrastinated all preparation for the trip until the afternoon before we leave. This is because then I wouldn't have to think about it and worry more than I need to. Not very smart after all because now I am a little overwhelmed with everything I have to do and that is stressing me out.So I thought I would take my lunch hour and go over some previous posts I have written to help me be more prepared. Hawaii I didn't prepare at all because its the land of relaxation so why would I have any anxiety there? That was an extremely painful lesson to learn. San Fransisco I prepared only a little bit because I thought I was beyond needin...
More About: Trip , Anxiety , Traveling

Purchase The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook Here!
2008-03-13 19:58:00
Quick Announcement: I have a new feature to the blog. Now you can purchase the book I am always referring to, "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne right here from the sidebar of my blog. The picture above won't take you to it but the one on the left hand side of the blog will. Its a little slow to load right now so if you don't see it give it a few more seconds to load. Hopefully Amazon will fix that soon or I will switch to another bookstore provider. I purchased mine online and it was a very easy experience. I hardly ever buy books but this one was worth every penny. The nice thing about it is that it gives you the tools to learn and then the workspace to practice those tools. You really get a feel for who you are and what the real issues you need to work out come from. You can learn about the Anxiety Scale, Positive Affirmations, Exposure to Your Fears, and so much more.Enjoy!If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety.
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Don't Have Time For a Game Plan? Don't Back Down, But Be Yourself
2008-03-12 20:41:00
I had a situation recently where I was asked out to lunch very last minute. This is something that I don’t want to stop happening because I love to hang out with my friends and family. However because of the timing, I was unable to really prepare myself for any panic that could arise. I told myself on the drive over a few things I thought might help, but I was already a little flustered. As I was waiting to meet my friends, I could feel the anxiety come and felt immediately nauseous. It has been so long since I had felt this high of anxiety that I wasn’t sure what to do at first. I thought, “I need to get distracted.” So I went into a store and looked at jewelry that I wouldn’t mind owning. When I peeked out I saw they were there. We decided where to eat and as I was ordering the food I thought “I am going to throw up right here in line.” I wasn’t even hungry because I had eaten a late breakfast. This makes sense because that is a perfect trigger scenario for me. H...
More About: Time , Game , Back , Plan

Prevent Panic: Have a Game Plan
2008-02-21 03:55:00
photo by TurtbluI am continually amazed. I used to make a point to blog at least once a day even if I had nothing to say. Lately I have been such a flake with blogging and I think its because I have so much on my mind that I don't have as much time to worry about my anxiety. So I get on today expecting a huge drop of readers and what do I see? The readership has grown and I have a handful of comments to read through. I am so happy that this blog has continued to help others even when I haven't needed to rely on it so heavily.Quick update. I didn't go back on my medication. I was unable to get ahold of my doctor for several days because of their weird work hours. I swear doctors are the only people that can tell you to come early for an appt. and then have you sitting there for an hour just to see you for 5 minutes if even that long. Why don't they cut back their schedules? My doctor is only in the office 3 days a week, so if you have a question for her on a Wednesday - Thursday ...
More About: Game , Plan , Panic

To Take or Not To Take, That is The Question
2008-01-29 21:16:00
I've hit my second trimester of pregnancy and BAM! Just like that the anxiety is back. I did really well the last few months going cold turkey off my meds. I expected things to go a lot worse. I gained 5 pounds so far which is really great. Lots of women don't gain anything because they are too sick the first trimester. So I am really proud about that.These last couple days however, I can't shake this anxious feeling. Its there when I wake up, and comes and goes throughout the day. I have no appetite because I am getting over the flu, and I wonder if that has something to do with it. I have lost a pound or two from the flu and that always feels like a setback. I can't help but wonder if I should get back on my meds now that I am passed the first trimester.Overall I just don't feel well anymore. My self confidence is down and I am losing faith in myself. I am tired of not feeling well, not having energy, etc. But I guess it all comes with the territory.If you enjoyed this post S...
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Overcoming an Anxiety Attack
2008-01-11 21:48:00
photo by fotologicI am very proud of myself. Today I had a panic attack, but I rode it out and I overcame it. I haven’t had a panic attack, or anxiety at all for that matter, since Thanksgiving. I got invited to a luncheon with my new department and the fear took a hold right away. It was that panic that I dread which only makes it worse once you recognize its there. So I pulled up some of my previous blogs posts that I refer to often to help myself and I did my mental exercise to prepare for the lunch. I felt a little bit better before we left. Once there the panic came rushing back again and I could tell I was going to be sick, so I went to the restroom. This nausea was definitely different than pregnancy nausea. My face and neck and were flushed and burning. I sat there ready and waiting to vomit, when I closed my eyes, took some deep breaths, and starting saying my positive affirmations over and over. "There’s no need to push yourself. You can take as small a step f...
More About: Anxiety , Attack , Atta

No Sympathy if You Don’t Try to Change
2008-01-08 22:52:00
This is a little thing I live by whether its right or wrong. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize, empathize, show compassion, and feel bad for someone if they are in a crappy situation. I am not a heart of stone. However, if after a certain amount of time of hearing the same complaints over and over and knowing the person has done nothing to change their predicament; I lose the sympathy and just get tired of listening. I have been known to tell people after years of the same problem that unless they do something about it, I don’t want to hear about it anymore. Sometimes I have to take a look at myself and see if I am doing the same thing to others. I have been struggling with work lately and have even written a couple blog posts on it, because it really has been crappy and has been affecting my moods. A couple of you told me that maybe I should be looking for a change. That hit home to me, because really I wasn’t doing anything to improve the situation yet sulking and com...
More About: Change , Path

Great Quote Alert
2008-01-04 17:54:00
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” --Brian Tracy
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New Year, Clean Slate, Fresh Look
2008-01-02 23:52:00
New Year , Clean Slate , Fresh Look Sorry I did not write over break, my computer broke and I had no internet access. It’s nice to get in touch with the world again. Happy New Year! What an amazing feeling to know that you have a whole new year to start over. As Natasha Beddingfield says, “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” I am sure you have all made New Year’s Resolutions by now and I hope you are staying positive and motivated. Just a tip, make realistic goals and not too many of them. I looked back on my 2007 Resolutions and saw that one was to “get over my stomach anxiety” and to gain weight. This made me reflect on everything I have been through this past year and helped me to realize just how much I have accomplished. I have learned so much about anxiety, phobias, etc. and hopefully my journey has helped others to find hope and motivation as well. I may never “get over” my anxiety, but I have learned tools to help me manage it...
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Negativity is Toxic
2007-12-14 22:59:00
photo taken by code_martial Lately my work has been unbearable. Days spent crying in the bathroom, power struggling with my micromanaging boss. He seems to win every time and a little part of my freedom or even my job duties are taken away. I spend time whispering with others who are struggling about a revolution that can’t happen soon enough. Its to the point where finding another job is starting to sound like a good idea, even though in my position I should just wait it out and hope for the best. My last job I was in the same boat and I left to come to this job. But I don’t have the same luxuries I did then, now. Right now my emotions are through the roof and I can’t control them like I used to. I get annoyed so easily and I don’t hide all the anger I feel anymore. Maybe it’s funny at home but it’s dangerous at work. So instead of talking to my boss because I worry about saying something I would definitely regret, I just fester with the hatred. Today I feel li...
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Listen to Your Body
2007-12-13 17:44:00
The biggest lesson I am learning these days is to listen to my body and not my mind. For the last year I have done everything in my power to not throw up and felt like I had a setback every time it would happen. However now I am getting sick everyday because of morning sickness, and its ok because I am learning to accept that my body has needs that I have to abide by. I can tell when my body doesn’t want to eat vs. when it really does want to. I haven’t been losing weight which is really great. When I am tired I rest, when I am sick, I let myself be sick. It’s all working out so far. But it goes beyond just pregnancy. Weight loss, weight gain, self esteem, our panic; all happen in result to what we are listening to in our heads, as opposed to listening to our bodies. If we really were in tune with our bodies, we would eat when we were hungry, and stop eating when we got full. There wouldn’t be so many overweight Americans. Sure there are always exceptions, thyroid issues...
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Catching Up
2007-12-10 19:18:00
I apologize for the long delay in posts. I have obviously had a lot on my mind lately and most of my computer time is spent researching what the heck is going on inside of me. Since I have found out that I am pregnant I have had 2 situations where my anxiety kicked in. One time my family went out to eat after seeing a ballet. I was starving and ate so much I felt huge! Well I wasn’t feeling too great afterward, but it wasn’t nausea. People could see I wasn’t doing too well so the trip home began. The woman sitting next to me who wasn’t immediate family asked me if I was having morning sickness. For some reason this spurred the all too familiar burning sensation in the back of my neck. This happens when I feel embarrassed or ashamed, or I am about to throw up. I told her no, it was something else and then really had to try to distract myself from the pain and the anxiety that came out of no where. I was thinking that maybe it was a miscarriage, and that too had me worrie...

Big News and Lots of Anxiety to Go With It
2007-11-27 00:16:00
Well I have just had the craziest week in my entire life. Big news… dum dah dah dum!!! (Those were trumpets and now for the drum roll) ......................................... .................................. I’M PREGNANT! I found out the night before Thanksgiving which means I had to face the scariest day of the year medication free and completely freaked out. I did pretty well actually. I told the family and they were so excited. Plus throwing up when your pregnant is completely acceptable so had I than it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But I didn’t. So why am I am telling all of you when I hardly know you and I am not in the “safe zone” yet? Because you already know all the most intimate secrets of my life anyway, and my anxiety has skyrocketed the last few days because of it and I need the release. I need to document my feelings and like always, maybe I can help someone who is going through the same thing. I am praying that everything goes well but I kno...
More About: News , Anxiety , Big News

Proof that Positive Affirmations Work
2007-11-21 17:32:00
photo by Thiru MuruganOne of my favorite positive affirmations that I remind myself of daily is “There’s no need to push yourself. You can take as small a step forward as you choose.” When I first started using positive affirmations, I liked this one because it calmed me down, and made me feel safe. At the time I started using it, I was aggressively trying to gain weight by taking weight gaining supplements, counting my calories, and force feeding myself when I wasn’t hungry. I wrote a post called, “My Healthy My Happy” where I decided that I was putting too much pressure on myself which was causing more anxiety. That’s when I posted a picture of a footprint in the sand on my cubicle wall right next to my monitor at work that represented the positive affirmation above. It’s something that no one else would know its meaning except for me, and I can remind myself often that I don’t have to push myself. The underlying fear of trusting this affirmation is that...
More About: Work , Proof , Positive , Affirmations , Irma

Turkey Day Meltdowns
2007-11-15 19:09:00
photo by scruff35 Thanksgiving is easily my least favorite holiday for obvious reasons. It’s the one day of the year where the entire point is to eat as much food as you can in front of everyone you know. It’s a nightmare in real life. Last year I tried to do 2 different dinners, only to wind up having a panic attack at my sister’s house and having to bail out before the food was even done being cooked. I remember feeling so embarrassed and upset that day because I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. This was when I was just learning about anxiety and panic attacks and hadn’t quite nailed it all down yet. Then to make matters worse, the next morning all the girls on my in-law side of the family had to do the early morning shopping. When they were starting to slow down and talk about going out to breakfast, suddenly I started to feel nauseous. Still not sure why I had the reaction I did but knowing it had to do with eating around others, I had to make t...
More About: Turkey , Turkey day , Turk

Our Deepest Fear
2007-11-13 20:06:00
photo by timsamoff"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others."-Marianne WilliamsonAmerican author, lecturerIf you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety.
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10 Step Mental Exercise that Will Reduce Panic
2007-11-07 22:49:00
When you feel a panic attack coming on, usually everything escalates very quickly. With or without noticing it, your mind begins to race and quickly the negative thoughts overwhelm you furthering the panic. Negative thoughts usually start off with “What if…” “I should be able to ….” “I have to…” or other critical comments like “I’m so weak” or victimization “Its hopeless, why bother”. These thoughts are called Negative Self Talk. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne lists a quick explanation of what Self Talk is and how it works: "It is so automatic and subtle you don't notice it or the effect it has on your moods and feelings.It appears in telegraphic form- one short word or image ("Oh no!) contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.Anxious self-talk is typically irrational but almost always sounds like the truth.Negative self-talk perpetuates avoidance.Self-talk can initiate or aggravate a pani...
More About: Mental , Exercise , Reduce , Step , Panic

Can You Be Declined Life Insurance Because of Anxiety?
2007-11-05 19:49:00
photo by clemente This morning I had a nurse come over to my house, take my medical history, draw blood, etc. all for the purpose of approving me for term life insurance. The man signing us up was a little concerned about my anxiety background as cause for being declined. He said that people with anxiety have a separate phone call made (which I am still waiting for) to discuss it in more detail. My question is, since anxiety isn’t life threatening, why would you be declined for life insurance? Its not like having anxiety means you are suicidal. History of cancer? Understandable. Diabetes? Definitely a red flag. But anxiety? Come on! So I am waiting to hear the verdict. If I get declined I will be very shocked. Heaven forbid anyone gets a bugbite because that might be next on the list of potential life threatening illnesses or diseases to decline insurance for! If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to The Reality of Anxiety .
More About: Life , Insurance , Life Insurance

What is RSS? How to Stay Up to Date with The Reality of Anxiety
2007-10-30 21:00:00
Explanation taken from ProbloggerWhat is RSS? Do you want to keep up to date with the latest posts on The Reality of Anxiety ? I have a number of ways that you can subscribe to this site and receive updates. The main one that my readers use is my RSS feed. RSS is a technology that is being used by millions of web users around the world to keep track of their favorite websites. In the ‘old days’ of the web to keep track of updates on a website you had to ‘bookmark’ websites in your browser and manually return to them on a regular basis to see what had been added. The problems with bookmarking You as the web surfer had to do all the workIt can get complicated when you are trying to track many websites at onceYou miss information when you forget to check your bookmarksYou end up seeing the same information over and over again on sites that don’t update very often RSS Changes Everything What if you could tell a website to let you know every tim...
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