Hopecube.com Community BlogHopecube.com Community BlogCommunity blog of Hopecube.com, a site dedicated to helping people with health issues find support and hope. Articles
Jump to conclusion?
2008-06-08 17:54:00 I would like to think I am on the road of recovery. I try very hard to stay positive. I don't know if it's just me or it is just how it works. I find myself go really quickly to "it's easier to just die" when the "moment" comes. I spent most of my life trying to fit the expectation. After my break down, I realized I really didn't know who I was and what I wanted. I didn't know what made me happy but I only knew what I hated. I have been trying to figure myself out. I want to be happy and enjoy my life. But the thought of "why try so hard.. just die…" has never left my head. I hate myself for thinking that way. But it feels impossible not to feel it. More About: Jump
“title is required”
2008-06-06 22:02:00 why does this thing keep logging me out everyday? it's pissing me off. "remember me" means leave me logged in, dammit. More About: Title
…
2008-06-06 21:36:00 I think about it more than I care to admit. Random things make me think about how it once felt, from the beginning to the end, and I start to remember.. I remember the cold air and wondered if it bothered you.I wished for the sun to warm you and to help you find your way home.I remember the familiar itch in my body, waking me during the night.I asked the shadows what you were doing and hoped you were safe and sound.I remember with difficulty your smile, how your presence once engulfed me.And I wish I had back that time so I could remember things once more. What once happened yesterday is now what once happened months ago, and you're dying quickly in my failing mind. So I ask for you to see me once more and say something, one more thing… but you remain hidden in the darkness as you fade gently in my memory
fight
2008-06-06 20:24:00 so my family went to a party last saturday. it was boring to me. so went home at 9:19 p.m. but my parent's did'nt get home until 1:30 a.m. when they got home my brother said they had fought. i think it's my fault that they always fight. :( More About: Fight
sleep!!
2008-06-06 20:20:00 iam trying to get some sleep ,but i can't. well last night i went to sleep at 11:55 a.m.. and tried to get some sleep but i couldn't. so i wanted to know what time it was and it said 1:30a.m. i just could'nt get to sleep. More About: Sleep
Running on empty
2008-06-05 21:05:00 I haven’t written for a while.. I suppose an update is much overdue. I had a early flight yesterday morning. My grandparents got some really fancy service to pick us up and drive us to the airport. The driver wanted someone with short legs to sit in the front seat, so of course e wanted me to sit there. XD After we got out, my grandmother came up to me and said, “I have shorter legs than you. He just wanted you to sit up there with him!” He thought I was going to Phoenix is begin my freshman year in college.. I just let him think that. XD We had a big storm the day before I left and lightning struck this gas/oil company thing(didn’t both to get a lot of details) and all of the smoke was just covering the city. Once we got into Kansas, it looked a little better compared to Missouri. The flight was alright- very cold on the plane though.. Very cold. My grandparents came down too- since my step mother’s college graduation is tomorrow morning. She really li... More About: Running , Empty
pills
2008-06-04 19:11:00 i am taking seroquel 25 MG tablets, an hour before i go to bed, and strattera 18mg CAP lilly 1 at breakfast and 1 at lunch time. i know about seroquel, and how bad it is but if it helps with my sleeping then i'll take it, my dr. said that seroquel is for helping me sleep but i did some research and i found out that it's to help with Bipolar Disorder so my dr lied to me, and i don't know any thing about strattera. please if u can help me out. More About: Pills
Coping with death
2008-06-04 16:47:00 My grandaddy died when i was 10. I watched him die slowly. The cancer ate and ate and ate until finally it had eaten all it could. Iwatched as my aunts gave him a breathing treatment, then slowly he stopped to take the last breath. that was it…… he wasnt breathing anymore, i looked into my daddys eyes, as he was sitting in the livingroom of my great grandmothers house in the chair i seen my daddy cry for the first time. I thought this was it…… hes gone and theres nothing anyone colud do. I can still see the time on the microwave… 2:35pm… August 21,1997… That was the day i lost my best friend, the man that had raised me, the man i loved more than life itself…… I thought at 10 years old….. theres nothing to live for now… what do i do….until this day that is the way i feel…. why live? More About: Coping , Death
Drunk White Bitch
2008-06-04 16:23:00 I drink so i cant feel the pain of being wanted or being excepted by family and friends. I ma the outcast of family and friends. Being drunk makes me feel better, makes me fell wanted and takes all the pain i have ever felt my whole life AWAY. I haven't drank anything since Jun 1, 2008. I know that it hasnt been that long but ya know what its a start. More About: White , Drunk , Bitch
new to this site
2008-06-03 12:26:00 Hello everyone. I am new to this site, just signed up this morning. I really wanted to connect to people who are having the same problems I have. I am bipolar, was diagnosed a few years ago. I have been going through anxiety and depression more and more lately. I have 3 girls, and 3 grandchildren. I also have a daughter who is Type I bipolar, and it's very hard dealing with her problems as well as mine. I am always open to making new friends, so anyone who wants to can send me messages. It would be great to gain some support as well as give support. Even to just chat sometimes is very helpful. Thank you all More About: Site
the truth
2008-06-03 11:41:00 well i know alot of you are thinking why i said all thoughs things to my mom…. well she had it coming if you guys only knew why i said thoughs things, i know shes my mom and all and you only have one mom in the world, but she dosent act like one, or treats me as a daughter either… More About: Truth , The Truth
New to site
2008-05-31 11:47:00 I would like to get help for my problems and my friends list is always open More About: Site
fight
2008-05-29 22:36:00 i just had a big fight with my mom, i told her i dont love her, that i dont think of her as a mother More About: Fight
Hi - new on site
2008-05-29 13:39:00 I am new on this site and am hoping for some support from others with chronic pain. I have had the constant pain for 4 years now due to an injury suffered at a physical therapy session. How's that for ironic? Anyway, I have up and down times. Times where I can bear the pain and times when I just don't see how I am going to keep going. Today is one of those days. I depend on my faith a lot as well to get me through. I am looking forward to seeing how others deal with the pain and hopefully I will be able to help others as well. Thanks for taking the time to read this. More About: Site
THE DARK WORLD
2008-05-26 00:39:00 MY LIFE IN THE DARK IS NEW TO ME. I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THERE IS SOUND NO LIGHT. I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE BLACK HOLE ALL ALONE. MY HUSBAND DAVID HELPS ME AS BEST HE CAN. HE PUT BRAILLE LABELS AROUND THE HOUSE TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY AROUND. More About: World , Dark , The Dark , Dark World
Blank
2008-05-23 12:36:00 Sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am, anymore. I'm just going through the motions of life. I've been pursuing things that I used to think I wanted and they just don't fit anymore. Nothing makes sense. All I know for sure is that I want a real life that I can call my own. Other than that, I feel lost. I don't even know what I believe anymore. That's the hardest part to take. I used to have a strong spiritual base. I tried to maintain it these last few months, but even that has crumbled away slowly. I feel so….. empty….. and ….. blank. It's like nothing is real. There's nothing there. It's not the same as depression, I've been there; but even that's gone. I still have moments of joy, moments of sorrow. I still experience the full range of emotions, but nothing holds lasting meaning for me anymore. I don't even... More About: Blank
this goes beyond depression
2008-05-22 12:43:00 last night i od'd and cut myself and i'm still cutting myself in the same place watching the blood ooze out, it's completely noticable. my dad swore at me, he was awnry and mean and it really hurt me so when i was alone, i was crying and cutting myself and od'ing and i'm still here =| i saved the knife, it has my blood on it, i use it to cut down deeper, the cut cut stings and i just sit there and don't even treat it. i'm the kind of peep that 'cannot' handle any kind of pain wut so ever, i'm too emotional. i hate peeps i can't work with them and sum1 told me that i didn't 'qualify' 4 ssdi. every minute my depression deepens and i'm still at the bottom of an xtremely deep muddy hole with a sad face, if sum1 tried to help me, i wouldn't budge, i totally lost wut held my grip on life/reality =| More About: Depression
:( life sucks
2008-05-19 10:34:00 turns out my gf has some thing called a friend with bennifits. i had no idea what that ment until i talked to my friends. i guess she is just some crazy whore. I am done with her now i cant believe that she is like that though. we have been going out 4 a while now and now i found out she had another side to her. i always get hurt in the end. I almost lost it i felt so angry and i could do nothing bout it. when i was not angry though i just felt a horrible depression. More About: Life , Sucks
School?
2008-05-17 11:32:00 I've found an online school that covers courses that interest me. I really want to study this, but I've heard a lot of bad things about correspondence courses (not the least of which is that nobody recognizes degrees earned through them), so I'm really scared to follow through. I'm afraid that this will turn out to be another pipe dream and that I'll hit yet another brick wall. But at the same time, the courses covered are the direction in which I really want to go. And normal colleges don't offer these courses. I couldn't afford to go if they did. I'm kind of thinking that I should do this before it gets accepted by the mainstream because then it would become inaccessible to me. If I can get in there before that happens, I'd be okay and able to build a future for myself. I'm so nervous though! More About: School
What most cannot see.
2008-05-17 05:01:00 I kinda like this website. It's a place where you can safely complain about all your troubles without having some idiot saying "wah wah wah quit crying" or "lol emo". You get so tired of going around pretending to be happy and that everything is fine because you don't want people to go around giving you their horribly bad advice which you know they have no idea what they're talking about. Only way you can understand it is to be experiencing it really.
i did not make it to nyc
2008-05-16 22:52:00 i got there and did some work, and a few days later while on the job i blacked out so they sent me home. why do i have to have this damn problem. but hey some good news for u guys, doctors and other people are getting together to help me, so i can live on my own with out fer of death and that type of stuff.. my life is looking good now. More About: Make
eUseless
2008-05-16 06:30:00 so I heard about this crap website on TV, the get to meet your perfect match one, and they were having a “contact your matches for free” weekend soon or something, so i went and filled in the basic “free” profile. I Tried to be as broad as i could be but still stick to my personal preferences, and here’s my final result! : Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. You can still receive your free Personality Profile by clicking here. Apparently i am: Adaptable, passionate, romantic, receptive, aware, flexible, engaged, distinctive, indecisive, middle-of-the-road, instinctive, impulsive, intuitive, rule-breaker, sometimes inefficient, procrastinator, reflective, thoughtful, modest, introverted, private, meditative, careful, fair, contemplative and romantic (again)… A NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH IS. .. lame.
Family?
2008-05-15 20:16:00 If you have depression, have you ever felt your family is the least understanding people? I didn't include my family in my condition until I was hospitalized after a few attempt of suicides. At beginning they were really supportive, but now if I called up my mother to talk when I am not in a very good mood, she would tell me that I am so selfish that people have to talk to me when I am not feeling good. And now if I leave some messages on my MSN, which might indicate I am not in a good mood, my mother will call me up and say "What's wrong with you?" I am so tired of always being the one thinking that they mean well just didn't pick the proper words instead of being angry. Although I cry all the time after speaking to my mother. We all know that you will never loose your family. But it doesn't give them the right not to be sensitive. I am really fad up. More About: Family
career choice
2008-05-14 23:17:00 so, this year my excel teacher is forcing us to look into a career we want to go into, and i was looking around and i found i'm getting really interested in psychology. i think i'm attracted to it because of my issues and others. i kinda wanna know why i act the way i do and why others do too. do you think going into this field may help me to get through my self injury, or do you think it is a bad idea? thanks, FyreSakura More About: Career , Choice
i feel so horrible
2008-05-14 14:48:00 I dont know why i feel so depressed but i just want to kill myself right now. i feel so sad i dont know why i but it would cure every thing. i just want to die. i tell other people not to that things get better i should take that advice maybe things will get better. I care about this girl so much i am so happy when i am with her but when iam not with her its like every thing that can go wrong will and i miss her so much. i wish i knew why i felt like that More About: Feel
Stuff -n- Things.
2008-05-13 12:44:00 I went to the first meditation class last night. There's another tonight and again tomorrow night. Last night, I didn't really learn anything that I didn't already know, and there were a couple of ideas that didn't ring true for me. But hopefully tonight will be better. I can always take what I agree with and discard the rest. The biggest thing for me right now is to build my own life so that I don't need anybody. I'd still like to have someone in my life someday, but not at the cost of my dignity. I may end up alone forever, and maybe that's how it was meant to be. I hope not, but I have to accept that as a possibility. I really don't want to, but I don't want to get hurt again either. The last shot I took in the heart nearly killed me. Literally. I can't go through that again. I won't survive another blow like that. More About: Stuff , Things
Tired
2008-05-13 00:05:00 Me and my family went to the DC area so my mom could have an appointment about her knee surgery and it turns out that it won't be as complicated as everyone thought it would be. She is even considering having it done this summer. I feel happy for her that she has a higher chance at getting out of this pain, but I'm also so scared. Is that selfish? As if that hasn't been enough on my mind in the last 24 hours, I've been having more …bad thoughts. I just want to bed dead. I don't know why. I'm tired of breathing, I'm tired of making dumb mistakes, I'm tired of the relentless let downs life pounds upon me, I'm tired of being so stressed, I'm just tired of living the life I'm living. I'm constantly hurting whether it's my chest or my headaches and I'm just tired of it. My family's always complaining that I'm so gloomy a lot of the time and the excuse is always, "I'm just tired" when I&#... More About: Tired
The end of my “love” life
2008-05-12 12:45:00 Everything seems like it was going fine, till i realize i was with him because he needed my help. Hes got issues too and i understand but i got enough problems to deal with his, i mean, i dont want to sound like a total bitch, but iam going through alot right now, i hardly have any time for him anymore. I didnt wanted to hurt his feelings, but when i saw him cry…i didnt know what to do, i panic and ran away. Iam too nervous with this kinds of things. In the end i realize i just need to be alone for a few days to think of what happend in my life. I dont want to hurt anybody anymore. More About: Life , Love
I must die
More articles from this author:2008-05-12 10:53:00 I will kill my self now so that i do not see anyone suffer anymore i cant belive all these problems. i hate seeing people go through all this so i leve my final message a farewell to all of you and i hope you all get better. I plan on killing my self when i get out of work i shall pull this trigger on life so that i no longer see any more chaos in our world. god bless 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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