Not Your Mama's Diet Not Your Mama's Diet We're a fat married couple in our mid-thirties with four skinny kids who just moved from the suburbs to the country. Dying young isn't in the master plan, so we're going to grow organic food and raise chickens and find our inner Brad and Angela! Articles
Appetite
2008-02-02 16:52:00 I boiled eighteen eggs to make deviled eggs.I cut up eight big, fat cucumbers to make cucumbers and vinegar.I put out the eggs and cucumbers when my parents came over... and within an hour, they were gone. All of them. Just gone. We need some laying chickens and an organic garden... soon! Is it spring yet?
Junk Food as Stress Reliever
2008-02-01 07:09:00 It's official.Junk food reduces stress.Duh!Really, did they need a study to prove it?I've been using it as a fairly effective solution to the stress issue for years. Oreos are the poor man's Prozac. Sugar is cheap and it does for me just what heroin does for a junkie, bay-bee. Not that I'm not - a junkie. I am. I even nod in the mid-afternoon after a binge like a heroin junkie. Sad but true. How is it that no one else has made this connection is such a big way? We look around and say, "Oh, look, people are getting fatter, I wonder why?"Hello!Sugar. They're putting a highly addictive drug into our food. Almost all of our food, actually, especially anything processed. Anyone remember when Coca-Cola actually contained cocaine? It's true... talk about addictive. My drug of choice is legal, sanctioned, and makes business owners billions a year. It also keeps their customers coming back for more... and more... and more.Not that I think banning sugar is gonna help. Prohibition didn'... More About: Food , Stress , Junk Food
Thursday Thirteen #4: 13 Inspirational Quotes
2008-01-31 07:22:00 1. The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain. - Kahil Gibran2. If you don't know where you are going,you'll end up someplace else. - Yogi Berra3. We can always redeem the man who aspires and strives. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe4. In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Author Unknown 5. There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second. - Logan Pearsall Smith6. Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives. - Viktor Frankl7. The only journey is the journey within. - Rainer Maria Rilke8. Insist on yourself. Never imitate. - Ralph Waldo Emerson9. Everybody wants to be somebody;nobody wants to grow. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe10. If we all did the things we are capable of,we would astound ourselves. - Thomas Edison 11. Our truest life is when we are in dreams ... More About: Inspirational , Quotes , Thirteen , Thursday
Cherry on the Cake of My Day
2008-01-30 03:39:00 I'm mad at Harley for not posting here. One more thing in a long list of things he committed to and said he would do that he hasn't followed through on. And that's just one of the things on my peeved list. The kids didn't have school today. A snow day - or rather, an ice day. Threw off my whole schedule. And of course, it was rainy and wet, so the kids couldn't go outside, which meant they were inside all day driving me insane. Harley worked extra late today, and the Princess is getting over some sort of stomach flu that keeps coming and going. Can you get re-infected with stomach flu? I'm just waiting for it to hit the rest of us. Oh joy. I had an editing job, too, I didn't want to finish that's been hanging over my head for a month. Finally got it done, though, pushed through and now I have a headache and I'm tired. My neck is so stiff and sore you'd think I'd been sleeping on nails lately. Sure feels like it. Oh great. The Princess just puked all over her bed. Perfect... More About: Cake , Cherry
The Sweet Witch
2008-01-29 03:46:00 Whenever we go over to my inlaws, my mother-in-law makes enough food to feed an army. No, that's not a metaphor. She's already cooked enough and packaged it up in Ziploc and Glad containers to feed an army for a week and put it into the fridge. That's for us to take home. That doesn't include the food she sets out on the table. It's always some sort of meat, usually red - prime rib, steak, ribs - plus at least one meat side dish, usually sausage. And there's always shrimp as an appetizer. Harley's a big meat eater, and it's clear she's cooking for him.But there's plenty of carbs, too, don't get me wrong. Baked beans, cheesy potatoes, macaroni and cheese. Occasionally there's a vegetable - green bean casserole (the kind with fried onions on the top) or buttered carrots. Once in a while, a salad. We went to my in-laws for my birthday yesterday. My mother-in-law likes to find reasons for us to come over at least once a month. My birthday is a good reason in January. We came... More About: Sweet , Witch
Say It Ain't So!
2008-01-27 11:24:00 I adore Queen Latifah. She is, after all, my namesake :)I can't think of a more beautiful, stunning, strong, confident woman - of both color and size. She's always been someone I greatly admired, and I think she's an underrated actress, an amazing singer, and just an amazing human being.Today, I saw her on television - a commercial.For Jenny Craig. *sigh*So Queen Latifah is going to join the ranks of Sarah FergusonKirstie Alley and Valerie Bertinelli... Once again making the implied if not direct statement: "I can't be beautiful or happy until I'm thin."I'm just so sad. :(
Queen Bee - Weigh In
2008-01-27 02:27:00 276That was the number on the scale.The last time we did low-carb the weight literally melted off without any effort. And I was eating cream cheese and salami and pork rinds and deviled eggs... and I still managed to lose forty-ish pounds. We'll see what happens this time. I haven't been 100% on "plan" so to speak. There was that chocolate. And that box of macaroni and cheese. And birthday cake. One day at a time, one bite at a time, I suppose. I haven't been perfect. Which usually means, it's time to give up and grab for the Doritos. But instead, I've just been picking myself up and trying again. I suppose the scale is reflecting that. I'm a pound lighter than when I started out (and the scale started going in the wrong direction!)Progress, not perfection. Isn't that what they say? More About: Queen Bee , Queen , Weigh
Magic Chocolate?
2008-01-25 17:49:00 Harley couldn't decide which card to get me for my birthday...So he got one for both of my "sides"... :)The kids drew me pictures. And I got a bunch of Burt's Bee's honey lip balm (my favorite) and some sugar-free Russell Stover's and Whitman's chocolate.As you can tell from the picture, I'm either 83... or 383... :DThey asked if they could have some of my chocolate."No, it's got fake sugar in it. It's candy that won't make mommy fat." -er... fatter... I'm thinking... "Oh... so it will make you thin?"Ha! I wish :) More About: Magic , Chocolate
Thursday Thirteen #3: 13 Funny Diet Tips
2008-01-24 07:07:00 13 Funny Diet Tips 1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda. 3. Foods use for medicinal purposes NEVER count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee Cheesecake 4. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls. 5. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. 6. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter. 7. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon. 8. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach a... More About: Thirteen , Thursday
Happy Birthday To Me
2008-01-22 23:56:00 I feel incredibly old. I'm sure my body is much older than my years, actually. Which is rather depressing. This day always meant a good excuse to eat cake. I miss cake. And frosting. God, I love frosting. Why would something exist in the world that's so incredibly bad for you? I saw an Intervention the other night - the first one I'd seen with a food addict. A young man, over 500 lbs. The therapist said, "Being addicted to food is like being addicted to heroin. You take it to numb out. That's the goal."Yep. That's about right. Food is my heroin.Whenever I complain about having another birthday, Harley says, "Well, it's better than the alternative." Ha. But some days I wonder. More About: Happy , Birthday , Happy Birthday
5 Sticky Notes On My Computer That I Want To Have Made Into Refrigerator Ma
2008-01-22 04:18:00 1. Life is hard.2. I am not that important.3. My life is not about me.4. I am not in control.5. You are going to die.These strike me as true in my heart. They come from a man named Richard Rohr. He didn't invent them. They are timeless truths.They sound harsh to many people when I tell them they are a code by which I strive to live. I don't know if they're harsh. If anyone would like to know how I understand them, how they apply to my challenges with food, eating, body, and addiction, please comment and ask. I would be glad to offer my 2 cents.King Harley More About: Computer , Notes , Made
Some Friends
2008-01-22 02:44:00 Why are women so nasty to each other?My mother never had girlfriends when I was growing up. When I once asked her why, she said to me, "You can't trust women. They'll stab you in the back the minute you turn around. It's better just to avoid them."Nice, huh?I haven't gone my mother's route completely and kept friends out of my life entirely. But I do have a hard time trusting people, and usually I have one or two really good friends at a time. I'm still in contact with a friend who was my "best friend" from middle through high school, although we've grown apart over the years, keeping up with each other in Christmas letters and lately, blogs. My other "best friend" as an adult died of breast cancer last year (her birthday was just a few days ago actually...) but even with her, we both kept a bit of distance. I'm not sharing type. I don't spill my guts. And I usually find people who like to focus on themselves a lot - mostly so we don't have to focus on me. Nicely avoidant,... More About: Friends
Self-Preservation
2008-01-20 23:39:00 Harley and I both have issues with scarcity - they just manifest in different ways. Harley prepares for the apocalpyse. He wants to be prepared for the End of Days, no two ways about it, and if that means making sure we have an alternate power source and canned food to last until 2080, so be it. A few months ago, we heard a town siren go off (we live in a very little town now) and didn't know what it was. We later discovered it was just a fire call (for the local volunteer fire department.) But Harley took it as a sign that we needed flashlights and a crank emergency radio and all sorts of various and sundry things.Not that I wasn't grateful to have them when the power went out at 2 am a few weeks ago. But, of course, by the time he got them all powered up and ready and we listened to the weather, the power was back on again... and I could have been sleeping from two until four, instead of cranking the radio. Harley's a planner. Me, I'm a worrier. He's preparing for the worst a... More About: Preservation , Reserva
Fad Diets
2008-01-20 05:27:00 I was watching a show last week about the dangers of various fad diets. Harley and I seem drawn like moths to a flame to all the shows about weight on the tube (wow, that's an inaccurate metaphor isn't it... there really aren't tubes inside televisions anymore, huh?) Whether it's shows about losing weight, anorexia, bulemia, obesity, it doesn't matter. I was amazed at how many of the "diets" listed that I've tried over the years. I've highlighted in red the ones that the program mentioned that I've given the old college try:Liquid dietAtkinsSuzanne somersWeight WatchersJenny CraigMedical Weight LossMetabolifeDetoxColonicsJuicingRaw foodsMaple Syrup DietAstrology DietBlood Type DietCookie DietTapeworm The cookie diet sounds good, but they're not talking real cookies. They're talking fake "whole meal" cookies. *sigh* If it sounds too good to be true... Note that I have NOT tried using a tapeworm. Although, I remember when I was a teenager, learning about tapeworms, and think... More About: Diets
Sugar Alcohol
2008-01-19 01:35:00 Sugar substitutes that end in "ol" are evil incarnate. At least, that's what my intestines think. They are definitely making a protest at the three Russell Stover Pecan Delights I ate this afternoon. They were yummy... but I don't know if they were worth it. Yeeeeouch!These particular chocolates had malitol in them. And it does say on the package: Excessive consumption may cause a laxative effect. Fun!Guess that's a good way to curb chocolate consumption. :xp.s. actually I ate four. If I'm gonna be honest, I guess I should come fully clean, right? *sigh* More About: Sugar , Alcohol
Thursday Thirteen #2: 13 Refrigerator Magnets About Fat
2008-01-17 07:46:00 13 Refrigerator Magnets About Fat1. If we really are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. 2. I'm out of chocolate and I have a gun. 3. Eat, drink and be merry - for tomorrow they may cancel your Visa. 4. Everyone who diets gains in the end. 5. I am not fat, I am calorically gifted. 6. Life is unsure, so always eat your dessert first. 7. You are overweight if you are living beyond your seams. 8. Diet and exercise to fight hazardous waists. 9. The Joy of Not Cooking.10. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 11. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 12. I'm not overweight, I'm just undertall. 13. On a scale of 1 to 10......We'd weigh a lot less! Check out Thursday Thirteen !
Scars
2008-01-15 14:38:00 Harley's having surgery today.This is just a follow-up, his third cosmetic procedure to fix his neck (as much as they can, anyway.) But I'm not looking forward to being in the hospital with him. All sorts of memories flood back every time I go to that particular hospital. Waiting for Harley to be brought over from one hospital to the other, wondering if he would be alive still... a friend sitting with me and holding my hand. He was the only one who came, that first day, and I don't know what I would have done without him. It was a pleasant surprise, and a relief, to have that human contact.Today it's just routine surgery. They don't even put him under! Just a local and they'll do what they have to do in terms of revising the scar. His scar is looking lots better. Especially much better than the hole in his neck originally looked. There was once an 8"x4" hole in it, while he was in Intensive Care for 8 days and the hospital for 2 weeks. Who knew an abscessed tooth could turn in... More About: Scars
A Surprise Visit
2008-01-14 23:52:00 Maybe Dr. Evil isn't so evil after all...I went in this morning for fasting blood work, plus my annual pelvic and pap (yeee-ouch!). I also got my IUD out. This is the second IUD I've had, and I love them as a form of birth control. It allows for total spontaneity, there are no hormonal effects, and the side effects, for me, are minor. So why did I get it removed?Because Harley and I are going to get pregnant!Well, I'm going to get pregnant. Harley's going to get me pregnant. And I better stop there, because this blog is PG-rated. :DWe have four kids total - but the oldest two are mine from a previous marriage, teenagers (almost 18 and almost 15) who live with their father. Harley and I have two children together, and they're 5 and 6 now. I'm 37, and edging into that gray area of fertility, and we had to decide - are we really done? Do we want more kids? So...we're having another one!I was so nervous about going into this doc for an exam, and even more anxious to tell her I wa... More About: Visit
Sugar Cravings
2008-01-14 00:06:00 Well the grocery shopping was successful. The boys went in, got what was on the list, and got out. I'm amazed by the masculine's ability to do that. Of course, now I'm going through sugar withdrawal. Migraine-inducing sugar withdrawal. Hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet, for pete's sake! I know from experience this only lasts a short time, but man... it's killer. I want to crawl under a rock and die. Or eat a Snickers. Same difference, I suppose. *sigh*Off to get bloodwork tomorrow at Dr. Evil's. Should be... fun. Not. More About: Sugar , Ravin
"Fast" Food
2008-01-12 19:13:00 We had Arby's last night.We rarely eat out, because 1) it's expensive 2) we're far away from places to eat out and 3) we know it's not good for us.But we do, every once and a while, and somehow I always think fast food is going to taste better than it does. I remember it better, or something. I've learned that's true about places like McDonald and Burger King and I just avoid going there altogether, even when we decide to splurge. But Arby's sounds "better" to me for some reason. I thought it would taste good. It sounded good.It wasn't good. *sigh*I don't know why I can't keep that in my head all the time. In fact, it gave me a migraine. Probably some sort of artificial something I ended up eating. Yuk. We're going grocery shopping today. I was very organized this time - I planned the menus, I created the list, and I'm sending Harley and the teenager. Two masculine folks should be able to go into the store and just buy what's on the list right? As opposed to me... I wan... More About: Food , Fast Food , Fast
Mattress Surfing
2008-01-11 10:37:00 You aren't going to believe this.They're going to lose a fricking eye! Idiots!I mean, if they want to avoid getting nailed by someone in oncoming traffic they're going to have to learn how to lean into those turns a lot harder so they don't slide into the oncoming lane. That's the problem with kids today, no respect for oncoming traffic when doing life-threatening, yet meaningless, stunts with motor vehicles! Hell, at least the little miscreants didn't rip the tags off... More About: Surfing , Mattress
Thursday Thirteen #1: 13 Annoying Euphemisms for Fat
2008-01-10 07:42:00 13 Annoying Euphemisms for Fat1. Fluffy2. Big-boned3. "Such a pretty face!" 4. BBW5. Well Rounded6. Rubenesque7. Curvy8. Large and In Charge9. "Bear"10. More to Love11. Thick 12. Chubby13. CuddlySee More Thursday Thirteen Lists HERE.
Baby Got Back
2008-01-09 18:42:00 I've always liked Rachel Ray. She seems like a very real person, she loves to cook and eat, and she even has a "real" body - not a stick figure.Saw this picture of her today.Damn, girl!Maybe I should eat like Rachel? :)Here's my favorite Rachel recipe, just for fun. Citrus and Rosemary Grilled Pork. MMMM! More About: Baby , Back , Baby Got Back
Melting
2008-01-08 18:14:00 I'm melting! MEEEEEEEEELLLLTING!Okay, not me personally. (I wish! ha) But our huge snowstorm is melting into a gooey puddle of water and mud in a freak January thaw. Sixty degrees today. 6-0! And we're still debating whether global warming is real?Come on! I like to live my life in denial, but even I can't pretend I'm 5'8" and 110 lbs... which, seems to me, is pretty analogous.And, as with global warming, my denial and wishful thinking instead of taking action is actually quite harmful.Ouch. I hate it when I take my analogies all the way to their logical conclusion.Ignorance really is bliss, isn't it?
Anyone Out There?
2008-01-07 07:21:00 It's the official blogging "delurking" week.Not that I have any readers who are lurkers. Hell, I don't even think I have any readers.Do I?Mostly I feel like I'm talking to myself - doing a lot of whining and complaining and navel gazing and making excuses. Who wants to listen to that, right?Successful diet and weight loss blogs actually have things like weight loss and diets on them - right?Me, I'm just floundering around, fumbling my way in the dark, feeling rather lost and alone. But that's nothing new to me...
Mean Reds
2008-01-06 15:09:00 I've got the mean reds. Anyone remember that phrase from Breakfast at Tiffany's? Audrey Hepburn got the mean reds, and I knew just exactly what she meant. It seems to be going around. I'm seeing it in the blogosphere, on forums I frequent. Snarkiness is at a high. Maybe it's just the New Year and holiday let-down. Or maybe there's a full moon. Has Mercury gone retrograde?I feel mad at the world today. Our fifteen inch snowstorm is melting into huge puddles of mud, and there's the most annoying drip coming from our gutter that's driving me insane. The kids are going stir-crazy because it's too wet to go outside. The Christmas tree is drooping from lack of water, the ornaments hanging heavy on its branches, and the rest of the decorations now just look garish and are begging to be put away for the season.But I don't want to do any of it.Harley wanted to take our disgruntled children to the movies today, but the thought of spending $8.50 per person (including kids!) plus conce... More About: Reds
Stuck
2008-01-05 14:50:00 Watched Fried Green Tomatoes this morning while the kids went out to play in the snow that will disappear in a great flood this afternoon and tomorrow.Great movie. Kathy Bates character's sobbing into a handkerchief after some young kid called her a fat cow, and Jessica Tandy is patting her on the back and comforting her."I just wish I could get it over with and get really fat! I'm too young to be old and I'm too old to be young."I hear ya, sister. I hear ya. (Has it really been fifteen years since this movie was released? God, I am getting old!) It takes courage to really eat your way toward death. Or to stop. I feel so caught in the middle, afraid to go forward, afraid to go back."One candy bar won't hurt ya," Tandy says."One, no. But ten or eleven?"Yep, I hear ya. I could eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tastes wayyyyy better than Lean Cuisine. (I'm watching the latest commercial - one woman eating a rice cake, the other drinking some frothy, scary-looking diet drin...
There's Always Room for Cello
More articles from this author:2008-01-04 11:04:00 Two hundred and eighty pounds.Which means, I haven't lost anything (didn't expect to) but I didn't gain anything either. The problem is, I feel crappy. I am so unhealthy. It wasn't always this way. I was fat, yes, but I could still DO stuff. I could do yoga! Warrior I, II and III, for pete's sake! I could walk a mile on a treadmill, swim twenty laps. I could do a whole aerobics class at the gym. Now... I can't walk up stairs without panting like a Siberian Husky pulling a sled in Mexico. I can't walk to the corner and back without feeling as tired as a narceleptic on heroin or sweating like a Coke bottle on a picnic table in August. I'm so out of shape. Unless you count a rather squishy circle as a shape. Harley just said, "More like an ellipse... or like a cello."The truth is, Yo-Yo Ma gets more exercise than I do just pulling a bow. I've elevated the role of couch potato beyond reason - like a deep fried Oreo Cookie - I'm redundantly sedentary. And the truth is, I so don... More About: Room , Cello 1, 2, 3 |
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