MyteryShrink MyteryShrink What we can learn about people and relationships through the movies.
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To Be a Person: TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!
2008-04-08 02:37:00     Now, it’s important here to say that no one takes our life away from us. No one slips inside our brains and chests and TAKES OVER our feelings.  The only way to for another person to take charge of your life and your FEELINGS is for you to abandon yourself. You must abdicate responsibility for your feelings; you must abdicate responsibility for your goals and actions.      You have to get out of the way and turn the steering wheel over to the other.     ”You always make me feel stupid.” “Every time you say that I just give up.”   I can’t stand it when you say that.” “You hurt my feelings.” “After what you said I didn’t sleep all night.” “I would have gone back to law school, but my husband didn’t encourage me.” “I’ve always wanted to write a book, but my father wanted me to stick with medicine.” “I started writing a ... More About: Life , Back , Person
Can A MARRIED WOMAN Still be a PERSON?
2008-04-07 02:06:00     Becoming a SELF DEFINED PERSON means working to have your ACTIONS–      Determined by your BEST THINKING–     And not by EMOTIONAL PRESSURE from someone else–     Or EMOTIONAL PRESSURE from within yourself, your own anxieties and fears.      What in double-donuts does that even mean? Now, the airplane story, or “How I first ‘felt’ what this Self-Design business is about in a way I could describe to clients.”  The husband and I are both huge basketball fans. For a time, we would go to all Texas Longhorn games including those out-of-town. One Saturday the women were playing out-of-town in the afternoon.   I’m not a fan of early morning flights, so my husband, from now on, H., decided to leave at 8 in the morning. I settled on skipping the women’s game, flying up that afternoon. We’d both go to the men’s game in the evening. Stop. When I’m describing this in a ses... More About: Woman , Person , Married
WHY depending on the OTHER PERSON for maintaining SELF ESTEEM does NOT WORK
2008-04-06 01:48:00   ”Hey, buddy, I’m not feeling so good about myself. Do something to fix me!”   Bad news. No matter how hard you try–how skinny, sexy, funny, good at the house, cooking, or whatever, you are– Relying on other people to keep you liking yourself WILL NOT WORK.    Why and damn, you say?    1. People are UNRELIABLE.       Here you are this lovely person, doing what you usually do, being yourself, which he liked yesterday and now he has a problem with you. You’re too controlling– Truth from Last Therapist Standing: Everyone is controlling. We’re designed to “want” our own way. There’s nothing wrong with that.  Some of us are just lousy at the game. Now, I assume all of you are nice people who want good lives. That being said, we also want others to have what they want. We’re better off admitting, “Yes, I do want my way, but I’m willing to listen.” ... More About: Work , Self Esteem , Person , Esteem
WHY “TAKING CARE of the other’s ANXIETY” DOESN’T WO
2008-04-05 00:26:00     Setting: The yard stretching between a Southern mansion and a river is scattered with leftover wedding guests. The glowing bride steps over to the serving table and picks up the saucer with what was left from her slice of wedding cake used in the cross-over, feed-each-other ritual. She smiles, gazes into the distance as if she sees a beautiful future. She nestles the cake in her hand and takes a nip.     The groom rushes up, takes the saucer out of her hand, and stares hard at her.    “Not with your fingers! There are people here!”      The bride’s expression darkens, as if she is seeing  an . . .  entirely . . . different future.          I may have used this bride before, as I often recall and share her changing expression when I present to groups and teach. I’m bringing it up here to say, her changed view of WHAT IS POSSIBLE is not his fault. It’s not her “fault” either. She i... More About: Care , Anxiety , Taking
DO YOU LOVE ME? How about NOW? And NOW?
2008-04-04 01:31:00     Were you as shocked as I was to hear Radio Dr. Perfect say that if a husband goes to prostitutes, his behavior is the fault of his wife. Were you?      Apparently, YOU are RESPONSIBLE for your MAN’S happiness. Every second of his life. That’s what it means to go down that aisle. YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE for his life satisfaction. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for the marriage.      Not I’m not bashing the guys, read on. I believe men love woman who are real, just as we love men who are true to themselves.     How much of your energy goes into making sure the person you are with is not anxious? How much of your intimate relationship is spent trying to keep the other satisfied? Making sure he is calm?  How much of your energy goes into keeping yourself non-anxious by making sure he is not upset? Making sure he is pleased?     Me? I don’t have a problem with this. At least I don’t until someone I care a... More About: Love
LAST SHRINK SNEEZING
2008-04-02 23:44:00      “IF YOU DON’T TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY, IT’S NOT WORTH LIVING.”  (cough) “IF YOU ONLY TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY, IT’S NOT WORTH LIVING.”        Okay. When I started this process I was determined, as I mentioned earlier, to not make it personal. Then I broke a bit. Then I got a cold. Now mentioning one’s cold, that’s personal.  However, not all bad. Over the last three days I’ve had a chance to see what can be learned about people and relationships through a constant feed of television.          Constant feed is probably not the the right term as I switch between at least two programs per session. My favorite combo was last night—three hours of “America’s Funniest Videos” inter-spliced with three hours of “Intervention.”     Sort of an Americana emotional roller-coaster keeping my mind off my burning throat. The last time I had a corker col...
Last Therapist Standing
2008-03-30 03:24:00     SOME WOMAN HAS TO SPEAK OUT! When I decided on this project, I determined I wouldn’t have entries using personal experiences to illustrate points. Mostly I based this on what I read once about writers: “Writers are people who think everything that ever happened to them is interesting.”     Someone has to speak out if only to counteract that woman on the radio.   You, know. Dr. Perfect. Where does she find worshipers to call in acting as if they have no thoughts of their own? Also, the questions I’ve received have been very personal requests (I have my methods) wanting down-to-earth examples. Examples are what I do best, so here goes.     When I was fifteen and my sister seventeen, she had a free guest visit at her spa-gym and invited me along. I was a horseshow person, a sport (okay, obsession) focusing on strength and accomplished fully clothed. Thus, the “counselor” at the spa inspecting my skantily cloth... More About: Standing , Therapist
Yea, TYRA!
2008-03-28 22:29:00     Yesterday, I was flipping through the channels during a Court TV (Tru TV) break and there was Tyra interviewing guests. Each woman in the audience had a large square of paper taped to the front of her shirt. The square read, “My True Weght” (or something close). The idea was that at the end of the show all papers would come off, including Tyra’s, and we’d have a chance to see just how worthwhile each woman was.   Tyra chants, “One, two, three,” and off they come. Under the paper? “SCREW THE SCALES.”   How great is that? Just taking women’s number one reason to feel bad and stupid and laughing right in its face. I’ve never had scales and suggest to the women I see to dump those ridiculous torture machines!   But, “Oh, oh,” come the frightened cries.     “If a woman doesn’t weigh herself, won’t she lose all control and get fatter and fatter until she’s...
THE JOURNEY, Ha!
2008-03-27 15:56:00   Yesterday I wrote a lovely post to serve as an introduction on the importance of the journey over the destination. That life is about PROCESS over product. I mentioned how living in the present isn’t easy in this culture. I felt quite in gear and, okay, a bit smug.  Then, I worked on webpage construction for about a minute and a half. Just that fast, I obliterated the blog completely. And the partial website. I ceased to exist, cyberwise. And, I–the wise psychologist who’d spoken of the importance of process, enjoying what you do while you’re doing it, was so much more important than the product– Lost it. Became an anxiety .     The Blob Shrink will return. More About: Journey , The Journey
Last Shrink Standing: Mysteryshrink Responds to Relationship Questions
2008-03-20 19:54:00     LOSE WEIGHT, FIND BURIED TREASURE, AND GET A LIFE!      MysteryShrink is going a new way. The nature of a blog is upside down.  A new entry introduces ideas, which to understand, presuppose you’ve read earlier posts. So . . . that’s confusing. Then come the headaches, the whining, and the Cheetos.          What can you do to attract and keep relationships? How can you keep a relationship juicy, and have him wanting more of your time and attention?  How can you improve your relationships with parents and siblings?     How can you decide goals and stay motivated to accomplish your dreams?     MysteryShrink is trying a new format. Specific answers to specific questions.  Starting with Mollie in Boulder who’s sure she’s driving away her fiance with her insecurity, but can’t make herself stop. Part of her thinks, because he says he loves her, he shouldn’t push her away. Another part knows e... More About: Questions , Relationship , Standing
WHO IS MYSTERYSHRINK?
2008-03-13 21:09:00  I am a psychologist who has been tossed on my head by horses since I was a child. Had I known the long-term effect would be a dedication (okay, a mild obsession) with the importance of humor in our brief lives, perhaps, I would have worn a helmet.
Movies: Perception, Step One in Our Reaction
More articles from this author:2008-03-13 21:05:00  Hmm . . . Which One of these Stories Will Be the Reality I Have as My Day?   A recent television ad (paraphased) Wife to husband: “I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. I do everything around here while you lie around watching sports. I cook, I call, and save five hundred dollars on car insurance. I pick up after you and you never so much as notice. You’re getting fat and you’re driving me crazy.”    The husband turns to her smiling:  ”you saved five hundred dollars on car insurance?”  The wife smiles, gives him a hug and says, “Thanks for noticing.”                                                                                                                                          I made that last part up, of course.  That’s just what I wis... More About: Movies , Step , Perception , Reaction 1, 2 |
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