Gymsanity

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No Smiling, Grinning or Laughing
2007-07-08 15:02:00
As a society, we do an excellent job making life easier for those with the greatest need. Handicapped individuals get parking spaces closest to the building. The elderly find reserved seating nearest the subway door. And on any sinking ship, it?s women and children into the lifeboats first. For ...
More About: Etiquette , Grin , Laugh , Laughing

Follow The Money
2007-07-01 21:31:00
I imagine the neat thing about being rich ? and I?m talking really rich ? is that you can indulge your interests in the extreme. John Travolta pursued his love of flight by earning a commercial pilot?s license, then building a house attached to an airplane hangar connected to a private runway. Steve ...
More About: Money , Gyms

Over The Top
2007-06-24 21:53:00
There is a whole class of people that have been ignored by this blog but deserve better: the compulsive overexerciser. I?ve even lived in my own denial for years, but I think I finally reached the acceptance stage. I have always been careful to finish my run before sunrise, especially in summer. But ...

Top 10 Reasons To Switch Gyms
2007-06-17 22:51:00
The most important factor in deciding which gym to join is - let’s face it - proximity. I have heard of guys that drive 20 or 30 miles to their gym of choice, something out of the question for those of us planning to keep our day jobs. Still, there are definitely occasions ...
More About: Switch , Gyms , Reasons , Sons , Witch

Like Fine Wine
2007-06-10 21:55:00
Long time imaginary reader Serious in Seattle has dropped me another note: Muscleman, Your blog is beginning to affect my motivation to go exercise. Frankly, I don?t know how you do it. Just since January, you?ve survived terrible gym music, exasperating slobs, crazed gym ball users, noxious fumes, busted equipment, and idiots trying to fight, ...
More About: Wine , Chest , Like , Fine

Fight Club
2007-06-02 22:32:00
I get into a fight in the gym about once every 7 years. Every time, it?s with some steroid-addled gorilla. You know the type: a giant grouch, wearing a heavy sweatshirt and baggy running pants, acting as if the rest of us are invading his private gym. Side note: If you?re built like a Greek statue, ...
More About: Etiquette , Fight , Club , Fight Club

Gatekeeper
2007-05-27 16:38:00
I?ve invested a great deal of time and thought over the years into sneaking visiting relatives into gyms. Restrictive guest policies combined with the crazy cost of one-time gym passes means there?s real pressure to try and outthink the front desk staff. My uncle is a master in this area. He?s one of ...
More About: Gyms

Trendspotting
2007-05-19 19:53:00
My grandfather always told me if I hung on to old clothes long enough, they?d eventually come back in style. And generally, this fashion phenomenon is harmless: wide neckties give way to thin ties which are replaced by wide ties. However, after being exposed to one man?s gym attire yesterday, I?m here to sound the ...
More About: Ends , Trend

Pain In The Abs
2007-05-13 20:40:00
Funny thing, abs. (Funny weird, not funny haha.) People obsess about this body part the most, yet nearly everyone tries to get away with doing the least. Take the ab-jiggler. I don?t know what this gizmo is actually called, but I saw a remarkable infomercial recently. The idea is that you wrap ...
More About: Pain , The A

Hard Sell
2007-05-05 15:06:00
Checking out a new gym is a bittersweet experience for me. On the one hand, I enjoy walking the gym floor, seeking out the latest equipment as well as old favorites. On the other hand, I really despise the used car salesman approach to membership. I’ve learned to consider unreliable any promises other than ...
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Mirror On The Wall
2007-04-28 21:41:00
Gyms tend to make too big a deal of mirror etiquette. The list of posted rules will always include something about dropping weights, some gym-specific oddball rule like ?No beverages except water allowed on the gym floor,? and then something about not interfering with members? line-of-sight to the wall mirror. I?m a big ...
More About: Etiquette , Wall , Mirror , The wall

Child Care
2007-04-22 19:59:00
Whenever I see a dad drag his 11 or 12 year old son to the gym, I?m reminded of the dog owner who forces his golden retriever to join him in a three mile jog. I really do feel bad for each kid. Every time, he looks bewildered and intimidated, as if he?s joining his ...
More About: Etiquette , Care , Child

Noise Pollution
2007-04-15 01:29:00
I worked out in a gym last week that had on display the biggest indoor sign I?d ever seen. It was more like a billboard, in 2000 point font, hanging above the dumbbell rack: DO NOT DROP WEIGHTS. The dropping of weights, dumbbells in particular, seems to be one of the top etiquette issues at ...
More About: Pollution , Poll , Noise

Giving It Your All
2007-04-08 20:23:00
Overheard at the gym today: I know it?s a nice, cool Easter Sunday. But I came in anyway because I wanted to go through some motion to appease myself.?
More About: Your , Giving , Ving

Team Effort
2007-04-03 03:17:00
I?ve often wondered whether asking a stranger for a spot is a violation of gym etiquette. I know that when I?m asked for a spot, I?m irritated by the disruption in the pace of my workout and the break in concentration. I also resent channeling my precious energy into someone else?s workout, and, considering the ...
More About: Team , Fort

Lazy
2007-04-01 03:58:00
I always get a kick out of watching big burly guys use the seated leg curl. Few people realize this machine was designed specifically for pregnant women (who can?t lie on their stomach to perform a traditional hamstring curl). Still, the machine does a good job of targeting the hamstrings; it’s a respectable ...
More About: Lazy

What?s It Worth?
2007-03-22 14:47:00
I?ve been travelling for business this week, and had to do some soul searching regarding one of life’s fundamental questions: How much should I pay for a workout? At home, my gym membership costs about $40 per month. If I go two of every three days, I?m paying an actual $2 per workout. Not ...
More About: What , Hat , Worth , Wort

Here?s A Tip
2007-03-18 21:45:00
Judging from comments on the web, unsolicited exercise advice is a chronic problem at the gym. To be fair, I?ve often had the urge to run up to people and ask what in the world they are thinking. However, I respect people?s space. I?m open to at least the possibility that a person is working ...
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The Rest Of The Story
2007-03-15 01:57:00
My nightmare featuring crazed gym ball users keeps getting worse. Remember the guy standing on the exercise ball with his dumbbells? I guess balance really is an issue: So I saw the guy on the swiss ball again today doing bicep curls, but this time he fell off, twice … The ...
More About: Story , Stor , Rest , The Story , Tory

Customer Service
2007-03-12 11:35:00
Today at the gym I watched a personal trainer and his beginner client spend a good 10 minutes exploring the all-important torso twist machine. Don’t get me wrong - I?m all for a well-defined set of internal obliques. But I have to believe there are better places in the gym for this novice ...
More About: Customer Service , Service , Customer , Vice , Custom

Too Much Information
2007-03-09 21:50:12
A couple readers have suggested an 11th thing not to do at a gym water fountain: put your mouth over the entire spout like you?re trying to suck the water straight out of the pipe. I guess this is akin to double-dipping your chip; it?s like putting your entire mouth in the bowl. In any event, it?s gross. Thanks for sharing.
More About: Information , Info , Inform , Informa , Much

The Broken Windows Theory Of Health Clubs
2007-03-08 09:48:01
All this talk of barbells sailing through actual gym windows got me thinking about sociologists? theory of Broken Wind ows . Some researchers believe that municipalities can prevent serious crime by addressing problems when they are small: Repair broken windows quickly and vandals are much less likely to break more windows or do further damage. New York City applied this theory on a wide scale in the 1990s, cracking down on turnstile jumpers, public drunkenness, urinators, and the rest. Rates of both petty and serious crime fell. I wish that gyms would adopt a similar approach to their facilities. I belong to two gyms with equipment of similar quality. Gym A is well lit, the machines sit atop new carpeting, and management is responsive to comments dropped in the prominently displayed Suggestion Box. As you would imagine, members cooperate when it comes to re-racking weights, sharing equipment, and attractive women aren?t scared away. At Gym B, the carpet is coming apart in patch...
More About: Health , Clubs , Theory

When Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction
2007-03-07 09:47:02
There are a few really astounding gym incidents that I?ve been able only to hear about, rather than witness firsthand. For example, there are variations on the collarless barbell: A guy doing bench presses with three plates on each side pushes up unevenly; the bar tips to one side, all three plates spill off the barbell, the bar seesaws wildly through the air, and the three plates on the other side go crashing to the ground. You?ll also come across the barbell catapult when someone unloads a barbell by first stripping all the plates from just one side. (The most exciting thing to happen between me and a barbell occurred during a set of upright rows. A woman, distracted by a conversation with her boyfriend, speared herself by walking mindlessly into the end of my barbell.) I read somewhere that the reason truth is even stranger than fiction is because fiction is governed by probabilities. Now here?s an incident that I couldn?t have even imagined: There was this other guy who was b...
More About: Truth , Fiction , Anger , Strange , When

Low Back Special
2007-03-04 09:45:03
I cheer new techniques and machines that target the low back. In fact, I just completed a month of physical therapy for a herniated disk, the consequence of fanatical free weight workouts during my early 20?s. One good alternative is the basic back extension machine. You sit in the machine, select the weight, and work your spinal erectors by leaning against the back pad. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, today I saw a woman raise the machine?s adjustable back pad so that it lay directly across the top of her spine. By stiffening her neck and pressing back with her head, she managed to push the machine through its normal motion. Still, no back exercise, done correctly or otherwise, is as dangerous as the good morning. A good morning consists of standing under a heavy barbell and bending forward at the waist, all while keeping your legs straight. This movement has fallen out of favor over time, either as a result of advances in kinesiology or its contribution to long lines at ...
More About: Back , Special

The Lost Art Of Stretching
2007-02-28 21:42:02
I?ve been waiting patiently for gym members to provide me with the inspiration for a post on stretching and flexibility. I?ve been on the lookout for things like: Ballistic stretching (bouncing) Painful stretching Over stretching (taking muscles and joints well past natural limits) However, I found something even more alarming when it comes to members’ regular stretching ? absolutely nothing. I grew up during the golden age of fitness, when people like Joe Weider championed the idea of a ?fitness tripod? - a sturdy foundation of physical wellbeing consisting of muscle strength, cardiovascular fitness and improved flexibility. Nowadays, people obsess over weight loss, fad diets and supplementation, discarding the fundamentals of total body health. At a minimum, thorough stretching prior to working out reduces the risk of injury. On my heavy leg days, I get added confidence from a good stretch of my quads and low back. On chest day, some form of a doorway stretch always fee...
More About: Lost , Stretching , Etch , Stretch

Circular Logic
2007-02-27 21:41:01
I don?t know if the traditional round shape of barbell weight plates and their dumbbell cousins is intentional or a historical accident. What I do know is that the introduction of hexagon-shaped dumbbells and 12-sided weight plates has been an absolute fiasco. (If you haven?t come across such equipment in your gym, consider this post a cautionary tale.) When equipment manufacturers began selling polygonal weight plates about a decade ago, fitness magazines hailed their arrival as the greatest invention since, well, the wheel. These newfangled plates also included handles cut directly into the metal, an actual improvement over the standard ponderous plate. Nevertheless, the problem caused by a weight plate with corners becomes immediately obvious to anyone performing deadlifts. When the plate hits the floor at a pointed edge, gravity rocks the barbell (and everything attached to it) forward until the plate comes to rest on the next flat side. Literally stumbling through a set ...
More About: Logic , Circular , Logi

Sound effects (con?t)
2007-02-24 03:38:01
I regret to report that I have discovered a new low in gym music. Something more annoying than regicide rock and more debilitating than Barry Manilow: Nonstop talk from a group of giddy DJs. And when I say nonstop, I mean no music at all. An Oscar night review. A recap of yesterday?s The View. An interview with a local mixed drink specialist. I couldn?t wait for the commercials.
More About: Sound , Effect , Effects

Seductively Simple
2007-02-23 15:37:01
I?m not kidding when I say that folks struggling with good form should focus first on doing just one clean, quality rep. I can think of a number of bodyweight exercises where this rule applies: crunches, hip thrusts, hyper extensions and certainly unassisted pull-ups. Today at the gym, however, I saw another kind of one rep exercise that is most definitely not what I have in mind. It’s the all too familiar group of guys who prepare for bench presses by loading a minivan onto each side of the barbell. The terrible form, sure to follow, doesn?t defeat just the philosophical purpose of my “one rep” rule. On a physiological level, the only possible benefit derived from singles is the strengthening of ligaments - an advantage clearly outweighed by the increased risk of injury. One rep max lifts grow very little muscle, contrary to the predictions of high school football players and frat boys. Just compare the muscularity between Olympic weightlifters and serious...
More About: Simp , Simple

My Confession
2007-02-22 03:36:01
I have a confession. My first ever post about the craziest thing I?d seen in the gym wasn?t entirely truthful. Don’t get me wrong: the contents of the post were completely factual ? I embellish nothing in this blog. Nevertheless, I have seen one spectacle far more preposterous than anything I?ve discussed previously. I simply didn?t have the confidence to share it until now. What I saw filled me with such stupefaction that I can preface it only by paraphrasing H. L. Mencken: This incident reminded me of colliding freight trains; it reminded me of drunken fools falling off balconies; it reminded me of rancid meat, of exploding homemade fireworks, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It was so bad that a sort of grandeur crept into it. And that was the problem. When this guy rolled a big exercise ball beside a couple heavy dumbbells, I thought his next movement must have been prescribed by a doctor or physical therapist. Why else would any sane person kneel...
More About: Confession , Sion , Fess

Top 10 Things Not To Do At A Gym Water Fountain
2007-02-22 03:36:01
My sister thinks that the commotion surrounding a gym water fountain is just knee-slapping hilarious, and that this blog would be incomplete without a more thorough analysis. Ok, Elana, here you go: Top 10 Thing s Not To Do At A Gym Water Fountain 10. Take a big gulp of water, turn around, and cough into the face of the person waiting behind you. 9. Empty the remnants of your sports drink into the fountain, especially if it?s red (tends to streak like the blood from snot or spit; see 8-7). Come to think of it, I don?t want to see pools of orange or green either. 8. Spit in the fountain. 7. Blow your nose in the fountain. 6. Bathe in the water fountain. This means no coming out of the spinning room and rinsing your whole face in the fountain stream. 5. Commandeer the water fountain. If you need to fill up your water bottle, be considerate of the people waiting for a quick sip behind you. 4. Hold a conversation right in front of the water fountain. 3. Never, ever change the stupid ...