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Living, Loving and Learning
2007-07-08 21:40:00
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.To reach out for another is to risk involvement.To expose feelings is to risk rejection.To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.To love is to risk not being loved in return.To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.He has forfeited his freedom.Only a person who takes risks is free.From the book Living , Loving and Learning by Dr. Leo Buscaglia
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Does Couples Counseling Work?
2007-07-08 18:59:00
Couples counseling can indeed work very well to rescue a faltering relationship. It can also improve relationships that aren't particularly troubled. Of course, there are no guarantees in life, so whether it is successful for any specific couple will depend on a number of factors.There are several things that it helps to know when beginning couples counseling. One is that if you're expecting the counselor to agree with you about all your mate's shortcomings, you're going to be disappointed. A good counselor will help a couple recognize the real problem areas and find ways to deal with their issues appropriately, often in ways that can actually strengthen the relationship. But it's not about who's right and who's wrong or taking sides in any way. It's about the relationship and making it as good as possible for both partners.Another good thing to know is that often whether couples counseling is successful or not depends on whether both people are willing to see it through and...
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Loyalty
2007-07-06 18:09:00
Sunday, June 24, 2007I came to the bay area alone. I leave the bay area alone. Packing alone, cleaning out my Oakland apartment alone, seeing myself off. I guess I didn’t come here so much to develop roots, although in some fundamental way this occurred. I came to really understand what roots are. It is a hard lesson to learn. I came to love so many people in the bay area and I learned more about myself by loving these people. I cannot move on without making note of this. Otherwise the pain, struggle, and tears would have been in vain. Although we won’t be living or working within the same physical community, there are very few loved ones who are deeply rooted in my heart for life.I have learned the importance of loyalty. Being loyal and learning to identify and appreciate those who are loyal are essential to building fam. Loyalty is a major aspect of how a person’s character is determined. Loyalty is defined by the ability to be consistently reliable in their word and action....

Suicide as a Means of Communication?
2007-07-06 17:59:00
Why do People Consider Suicide ?Suicide is not random; it is not done without purpose. It is a way out of a problem, or a crisis, or an unbearable situation. Suicide is both a movement away from pain and a movement towards the ending of consciousness. Thus people consider suicide for a number of reasons.Suicide as a means of communication A person who actively considers suicide may be trying to communicate an intense, deeply-felt ’message’ to another person, to their family, their peer group or to society in general. The message may be simply ’I am suffering, I cannot cope, I cannot go on.’ Suicide also may be a way of striking back at others (’I hate you’), or of persuading them not to take an unwanted action (’Don’t do it’), or of expressing feelings without using words (even ’I love you’).Suicide because life is no longer worth living Feeling troubled, isolated, inadequate, or alienated from family, friends or from society, may result over time in ’depressi...
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The Balance Sheet of Life
2007-07-04 17:35:00
BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE Our Birth is our Opening Balance ! Our Death is our Closing Balance! Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities Our Creative Ideas are our Assets Heart is our Current Asset Soul is our Fixed Asset Brain is our Fixed Deposit Thinking is our Current Account Achievements are our Capital Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade Friends are our General Reserves Values & Behavior are our Goodwill ...
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Does ADHD Exist?
2007-07-03 18:37:00
Does ADHD Exist ?But, hold on, here’s Gregory K. Fritz, MD, Bradley Hospital medical director and Hasbro Children’s Hospital child and family psychiatry director, making an equally emphatic statement to the contrary in his article ‘ADHD Is No Myth’.“Myth: ADHD does not exist as a real psychiatric disorder; rather, it is an unfortunate labeling of normal childhood behavior promulgated by ineffectual parents, incompetent teachers and the pharmaceutical industry.ADHD has received more scientific scrutiny than any other childhood psychiatric disorder since Charles Bradley’s initial 1937 report of effective treatment with stimulants of children at the Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital in East Providence. ADHD has met the same standards as other major psychiatric disorders included in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition. Studies have shown that experts can reliably agree on the diagnosis of individual patient...

Stress in Relationships
2007-07-02 18:55:00
Stress in Relation ships The following chapter is an excerpt from The 14 Day Stress Cure and is approximately 21 printed pages long. You may print it out if you like and remember to return to http://www.stresscure.com often, as we add more materials to help you cope with stress.Copyright © 1991, M.C. Orman, MD, FLP. All Rights Reserved.vine graphicRelationship problems are another type of "stress" we all experience from time to time. Conflicts can arise with our spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers, employees, bosses, or even with total strangers.As common as our relationship problems are, we often misunderstand what causes them to occur. Much of the time they come from hidden conversations and action patterns within us, not from the behavior or attitudes of others. The problem is we often don't notice the role that we play.In addition, most people are confused about what it takes to create happy, successful, long-term interpersonal relationships. This is another hidden ca...
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Communication
2007-06-28 23:19:00
Marital First Aid KitBy Bryce KayeEmotional Starvation SyndromeExplanationEmotional starvation is probably the most common malady to afflict couples today. It seems to be a scourge of the new millenium. There are a number of economic and sociological factors contributing to this but we'll save that discussion for another time. "Emotional starvation" is really a metaphor for not getting your dependency needs met. In this context, we are not referring to relying on others to make your decisions. Instead, we are referring to the basic need that we have to perceive that we are important to others. We all need emotional support (except perhaps a few psychopaths). Emotional support from others helps us to feel that our life has meaning beyond our jobs and tangible accomplishments. On a subtle but profound psychological level, we are hungry for love and are emotionally dependent in that way.When we form a couple with another partner, we want to feel loved by them. Unfortunately, this is n...
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Conflict with Others
2007-06-27 02:26:00
University of Cambridge Counselling ServiceCONFLICT WITH OTHERSConflict is normalAll of us have interactions with other people which do not go as well as we would like. At one level we may simply feel misunderstood and are often able to shrug this off without much difficulty. But sometimes we can feel personally attacked and our first thought may be to lash out in anger or fear. In these circumstances the strong feelings we experience may make it difficult to hear what someone is trying to say to us. In extreme situations, such confrontation can feel threatening to our overall wellbeing and functioning.Some common situations where students find themselves at risk of conflict with others are: * differences with room mates over house rules * disagreements with parents' wishes or advice * miscommunications with boyfriends / girlfriends / partners * challenges from tutors, directors of studies, supervisors or department heads * clashes of opinion in discussions with peer...

How to Communicate Anything to Anyone
2007-06-27 02:00:00
How to Comm unicate Anything to AnyoneFrom Essential Communications Skills Lab training course"A child repeats his communication to you several times. A man, obviously distracted and worried, refuses to share his uncertainties with his wife. A manager, clearly unhappy with an employee's performance, hesitates to broach the subject. Your teenager remains silent about her insecurities at school, until she brings home a D in algebra."In these and countless other events every day, our failures to relate boil down to our failure to communicate. Well-publicized studies tell us that certain communication situations elicit our most paralyzing fears, while our common sense tells us that this suffering is unnecessary. While "good communication" becomes a buzz phrase as accepted as "good motherhood," the wherewithal often remains a mystery.Why? Is it that we as a species are simply new at it? Are we saddled with insurmountable personality conflict in our individualistic society? Is some of the ...
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Communication-Awareness practice
2007-06-26 18:27:00
Exercise: Awareness Practice Learn to Notice What's Happening!By Peter K. Gerlach, M * This is one of over 150 articles focused on building high-nurturance family relationships and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents, or any of the three or more related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. Clicking links below will open an informational pop-up or a full window, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker, or allow popups from this site. Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need? + + ...
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The Truth About Child Molestation
2007-06-24 19:59:00
The Truth About Child Mole station Sexual AbuseThe Child Protection ProgramIn 2005, there were 189 confirmed cases of child sexual abuse in Rhode Island. Carole Jenny, MD, a specialist in pediatrics and child abuse at Hasbro Children’s Hospital, says this number is only “the tip of the iceberg” as most cases of sexual abuse go unreported and undocumented.Jenny offers tips on how to help protect your children from possible victimization. She also gives advice on how to support victims of abuse and start the healing process.Choose Caretakers Carefully.Jenny says the most important consideration when working to protect your children is to “be very careful about who watches your kids.” Make sure that your children’s caretakers are people you completely trust. Jenny says she is “amazed when families leave their children with neighbors, casual friends and people they barely know.”Jenny also suggests that parents be wary of “a male friend who insists on babysitting your kid...
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INDEPTH: MARRIAGE
2007-06-23 18:52:00
INDEPTH: MARRIAGEMarriage by the numbersCBC News Online | March 9, 2005CBC/ENVIRONICS POLL RESULTS:April 10, 2005: What do Canadians think of same-sex marriage?April 8, 2005: Should Prince Charles become king after his marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles?» moreDespite recent increases in common-law unions, marriage continues to form the foundation for most Canadian families. Statistics Canada researchers say that in 2002, about 84 per cent of Canadian families were headed by married couples.Average age for first marriage:The average age for first marriages is rising steadily for both brides and grooms. In 2000, first-time brides were 31.7 years old, while grooms proclaimed their first marriage vows at an average age of 34.3.Only two decades earlier, women and men were 25.9 and 28.5 years old, respectively, when they got married. Statistics Canada attributes the change to greater economic opportunities for women and the growing popularity of common-law unions.Common-law relationships:...
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The Top 10 Compulsive Behaviors
2007-06-22 19:15:00
The Top 10 Compulsive Behavior SymptomsCategory: Personal Development: Basic (BA3)Originally Submitted on 5/11/97. The following ten behaviors are probably the most common of what could be categorized with "Obsessive-Compulsive" disorders. Many of them are "curable," but the person who has any of these compulsions should seek *professional* help in dealing with their particular problem area.1. "Checking" Behaviors. Worrying if you turned off lights or stove, locked the door, etc. Excessive daily checking and re-checking of these types of things is a compulsive behavior.2. Needing to Buy Something Each Time You Go Shopping. Lack of ANY willpower when it comes to buying when out shows compulsive behavior. This often leads to severe financial and business problems unless the person is financially very well off.3. Gambling For Recreation, But Continually Losing & Going Into Debt. Many people gamble for fun, and when they lose all their money they go home or quit. Compulsive ...
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Family Roles
2007-06-21 18:35:00
Family RolesIt is widely acknowledged that the effect that our family and chosen role model's has upon us is fundamental to our individual development.In a dysfunctional or psychologically unhealthy family we inherit or develop negative roles or defence mechanisms that we can become trapped in. These are often manifested most when under stress or in a crisis situation where our learnt defence mechanisms become effective.In contrast to functional or healthy families that foster positive development where trust, love and honest, open relationships thrive, dysfunctional families may produce insecurities and stop ‘normal’ development.Commonly one or more members of the family, either parents or child will have some problem that affects the rest of the unit. They may be alcoholic, abusive, absent, neglectful, or possess some other disorder.As in any family there is likely to be at least one ‘healthy’ individual who tries to compensate for the failings of those around them. * ...
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Adverse Consequences of Alcohol Abuse and Dependence
2007-06-21 18:27:00
Adverse Consequence s of Alcohol Abuse and DependenceW. Alexander Morton, Pharm.D., BCPPProfessor of Pharmacy PracticeAssociate Professor ofPsychiatry and Behavioral SciencesMedical University of South Carolina;Institute of Psychiatry, Charleston, SCSophie Robert, Pharm.D.Psychiatric Pharmacy Practice ResidentMedical University of South Carolina,Charleston, SCAlcohol, also known as ethanol and ethyl alcohol, is an interesting drug for a numberof reasons. Although most consumers do not consider alcohol to be a drug, alcohol in fact may be the most thoroughly studied of all drugs. The scientific literature contains numerous documented effects of alcohol.1 However, many healthcare practitioners fail to appreciate the clinical picture produced by alcohol in patients with undiagnosed conditions who use or abuse alcohol. When presented with a case involving early physical symptoms of alcohol abuse, primary care physicians in one study failed to diagnose the problem 94% of the time.2 In add...
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Nuclear Family Emotional System
2007-06-18 18:35:00
Nuclear Family Emotion al System The concept of the nuclear family emotional system describes four basic relationship patterns that govern where problems develop in a family. People's attitudes and beliefs about relationships play a role in the patterns, but the forces primarily driving them are part of the emotional system. The patterns operate in intact, single-parent, step-parent, and other nuclear family configurations.Clinical problems or symptoms usually develop during periods of heightened and prolonged family tension. The level of tension depends on the stress a family encounters, how a family adapts to the stress, and on a family's connection with extended family and social networks. Tension increases the activity of one or more of the four relationship patterns. Where symptoms develop depends on which patterns are most active. The higher the tension, the more chance that symptoms will be severe and that several people will be symptomatic.The four basic relationship pattern...
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Don't Seethe in Silence
2007-06-16 19:11:00
Don't Seethe in Silence by Heather Long Family life, married life - none of it is perfect and most couples that are married know this. There is the promise of married life when we're young - an image of the perfect happily ever after. Too often when a young couple, not prepared for the rigors of married life, discover that it's not a happily ever after unless they put in a lot of effort.Sponsors (article continues below)Understanding this and accepting it is called being mindful in your acceptance. Your married life isn't going to be perfect. You and your spouse will argue. Your kids will yell at you. You'll be angry with them. When you can accept this, you won't seethe in silence and you won't walk around with a belly full of resentment and misery.No One Is PerfectIt can be hard to wake up and realize that no one is perfect - not you and not your spouse. It can be hard maintain the expectation of perfection. It can create a great deal of stress on both of you and your ma...

Physical Abuse
2007-06-14 17:45:00
Physical Abuse DefinitionPhysical abuse is a form of child maltreatment (a broad category of behavior that also includes sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect). As a general rule, physical abuse refers to the infliction of physical harm on a child by a parent or caregiver. It is not necessary for the harm to be intentionally inflicted, and in the majority of situations physical abuse is the unintentional end result of harsh disciplinary methods or corporal punishment that have escalated to point of physical injury or the risk of physical injury. Physical abuse often occurs simultaneously with other forms of child maltreatment. An unfortunate but common example of this is when a boy is hit with closed fists by his father while also being belittled and verbally insulted. In this case, the boy would be considered to have experienced both physical and emotional abuse.Establishing a precise definition of physical abuse is difficult due to the different standards that can be applied t...
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Phone Counseling
2007-06-12 18:50:00
Phone Counseling - Expert Advice Expert Phone Counseling is available to you right now. Congratulations for taking this step to reach out for help. We know you're hurting. There are times when the most talented people do not know how to move beyond certain obstancles. Your ordinarily awesome coping skills are overwhelmed. This happens to all of us at least one to three times in our lives. Ordinary people reach out all the time. We know the courage it takes for you to be here seeking help now. You don't have to wait another minute to receive the help you deserve!We have to admit, nothing beats a face-to-face therapy session, but the convenience and availability of professional phone therapy is here right now. In the last six years we have offered online counseling and therapy by phone and have been astounded at the results clients have achieved. You will soon be a true believer in the benefits of phone counseling.Phone counseling will help you with your problem and there...
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Benefits of Phone Counseling Services
2007-06-12 18:45:00
Benefits of Phone Counseling Services by Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S., WomenAndTransition.comEvery year thousands of women go through a transition of one type or the next. This can include things such as divorce, the death of a spouse, relocation, family illness, a new job and much more. This may not seem like a big deal, but women life transitions are something that can be quite difficult to deal with. If you are struggling with one of these areas in your life you need to look into the benefits of phone counseling.Transition NewsletterBelow are some of the biggest benefits that phone counseling has to offer women who are in a transition stage.1. First and foremost you will have somebody to talk with when things get bad. This sure beats trying to hold in your feelings. And not only will you have somebody to talk with, when you sign up for phone counseling you will be able to make sure that you are dealing with a professional.2. You can get phone counseling phone counseling regardless of ...
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THE REAL REASON RELATIONSHIPS FAIL
2007-06-08 23:05:00
THE REAL REASON RELATIONSHIPS FAIL"How did we fall out of love?" "How did things go so far off the rails?" "How could we have been so much in love and now ...."A new relationship is filled with so many wonderful qualities: hope, promise, passion, pleasure, security. What should we do when the passion starts to fade? What do we do when the hope and promise is no longer present? And when the very security of the relationship is threatened, what steps can we take to turn things around?Well, first things first. We need to know the real reason relationships begin to go wrong and eventually go very wrong. And we need to have a very good grasp of this information. When you know THE MAJOR reason why a relationship goes off the rails, you will have in your possession a powerful tool to fix things.Before we go any further, let me tell you what isn't the key reason:It's NOT because you're having money problems. It's NOT because the husband is working long hours. It's NOT because the wife ...
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Biology of Belief
2007-06-07 20:08:00
Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton, Ph.D.-thoughts (the mind’s energy) directly influence how the physical brain controls the body’s physiology-thoughts “energy” can activate or inhibit the cell’s function-producing protein-need to examine the consequences of energy invested in thought as closely as we examine the expenditures of energy used to power the physical body-harnessing the power of your mind can be more effective than the drugs you have been programmed to believe you need-energy is a more effective means of affecting matter than chemicals-you need more than just “positive thinking” to harness control of your body and your life. It is important for our health and well-being to shift our mind’s energy toward positive, life-generating thoughts and eliminate ever-present, energy-draining and debilitating negative thoughts. -Every medical student learns, at least in passing, that the mind can affect the body. They learn that some people get better when they belie...
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Separation and Divorce
2007-06-07 01:24:00
Seperation and Divo rce Some marriages end suddenly while others seem to fall apart over a long period of time. No matter what the cause, if your marriage fails, you are likely to feel a whole range of intense emotions: sadness, anger, hurt, fear of an uncertain future, loneliness, confusion over the many decisions you must make, and a sense of failure at your lost plans and dreams.How you choose to handle a separation is very important because of the effect it will have on the rest of your life. If you do not deal with the pain, and if you allow yourself to become bitter, you will be unhappy for a very long time. Let go of your bitterness and anger. Try to look at the separation as an opportunity to re-examine your abilities, your assets and your dreams, and to make the changes necessary for a new, full and rewarding life.If you or someone you know is going through a separation or divorce, we hope this pamphlet will help you understand and cope with this difficult period of adjustme...
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Adult Survivors of Abuse
2007-06-05 18:38:00
Adult survivors of abuseIf you are an adult who was abused as a child it is possible that you may have never spoken to anyone about this. Many adults keep this a secret well into their adult life and many find that the effect upon them has had devastating consequences not only throughout their childhood but also in their adult life. You may find that you have enormous difficulty in maintaining loving and trusting relationships, you may have low sense of worth and low self esteem, you may suffer from sexual difficulties and depression. In order to try and block out the abuse and to cope you may be drinking heavily, taking drugs, self harming, suffering from eating disorders and may feel suicidal.It is important to share the way you are feeling with someone you can trust, someone who will be there for you to listen and give you support. Talking about what has happened to you can make an enormous difference and can feel like a great weight being lifted from you.You may have been abused...
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Rape
2007-06-04 18:46:00
Rape is a form of assault where an individual forces another to have sexual intercourse against that person’s will. Most experts believe the primary cause of rape is an aggressive desire to dominate the victim rather than an attempt to achieve sexual fulfillment.[citation needed] They consider rape an act of violence rather than principally a sexual encounter.Rape is generally considered one of the most serious sex crimes and can be very difficult to prosecute. Sexual violence can also be a war crime under international law. Consent may be absent due to duress arising from the use, or threat, of overwhelming force or violence, or because the subject is incapacitated in some way such as intoxication and/or underage innocence. In some cases coercion might also be used to negate consent.There is no universally accepted distinction between rape and other forms of assault involving one or both participant's sexual organs. Some criminal codes explicitly consider all kinds of forced sex...
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What is Emotional Abuse?
2007-06-03 22:25:00
What is Emotion al Abuse ?Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. ...

Easy and Practical Self Confidence Tips
2007-06-02 19:58:00
Easy and Practical Self confidence tipsEverybody needs a confidence boost sometimes, so here are a few tips...[These self confidence tips come from Roger Elliott, who runs courses and a website dedicated to building self confidence. You can subscribe to his famous free self confidence course here.]1) Feel Good when you WantWhen you need to boost your self confidence or self esteem, find 3 things that make you feel good. These could be memories of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person's face - use photos if it helps. Practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind.Developing self confidence that lasts - because of the way emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, you will quickly train yourself to feel good when you want - a great help.2) Beat Self ConsciousnessSelf consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps...a) If you notice you have become self-...
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Trauma and Recovery
2007-06-01 19:15:00
Trauma and Recovery By Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.Chapter 6 - A New Diagnosis (see chart at end)Diagnostic MislabelingThe tendency to blame the victim has strongly influenced the direction of psychological inquiry. It has led researchers and clinicians to seek an explanation for the perpetrator’s crimes in the character of the victim. In the case of hostages and prisoners of war, numerous attempts to find supposed personality defects that predisposed captives to "brainwashing" have yielded few consistent results. The conclusion is inescapable that ordinary, psychologically healthy men can indeed be coerced in unmanly ways. In domestic battering situations, where victims are entrapped by persuasion rather than by capture, research has also focused on the personality traits that might predispose a woman to get involved in an abusive relationship. Here again no consistent profile of the susceptible woman has emerged. While some battered women clearly have major psychological difficultie...
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The 10 Essential Emotional Needs
2007-05-31 20:12:00
::The 10 Essential Emotion al Needs ::We are all born with essential physical and emotional needs and the innate resources to help us fulfil them – known as human ‘givens’ – which need to be met in order to facilitate good mental health.Following are the ten main innate emotional needs:1) Security — safe territory and an environment which allows us to develop fully2) Attention (to give and receive it) — a form of nutrition3) Sense of autonomy and control — having volition to make responsible choices4) Being emotionally connected to others5) Feeling part of a wider community6) Friendship, intimacy — to know that at least one other person accepts us totally for who we are, “warts ‘n’ all”7) Privacy — opportunity to reflect and consolidate experience8) Sense of status within social groupings9) Sense of competence and achievement10) Having meaning and purpose — which comes from being stretched in what we do and think.Life is never 100 per cent perfect, but as l...
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