I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog Generation Y's cancer poster boy has arrived. This is a young man's humorous blog about cancer, which he survived two times. Articles
9-10-10
2010-09-08 23:12:00 It was the event of the century?literally. 9-9-9, T2theZ called it: September 9, 2009, 9 innings at a Washington Nationals game, 9 hot dogs, 9 beers. T2theZ transformed the event into a fundraiser with donations going to The ALS Association, a fitting charity considering it is often referred to as ?Lou Gehrig's Disease.? I joined his charity team, and as a group we raised over $150. T2theZ was the only team member to complete the challenge, finishing 9 hot dogs and buns that he provided cheaply, as well as 9 16-ounce beers that Nationals Park provided expensively. I was there more to laugh than participate. Consuming a few days? worth of calories within three hours isn?t my cup of tea (with the exception of my annual trip to Colony Diner in Long Island, where this strawberry shortcake last week nearly made me poop out my appendix.) The large beers were equivalent to 12 regular-sized bottles. T2theZ may not remember finishing, but we have proof in the form of expertly-draw...
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur August
2010-08-31 01:13:00 "I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player." ? John Kruk John Kruk The former Major League baseball player, John Kruk, deserves much praise. Before joining the San Diego Padres in 1986, he won a championship?with the Mexicali Eagles. In 1987 he stole eighteen bases?but also got caught stealing ten times. He was a backup on the National League All-Star Team? in the Nintendo game, R.B.I. Baseball. After college he lived with two high school friends, who, without Kruk?s knowledge, were armed robbers. He may be the only player to ever retire in the middle of a game. Kruk wrote a book titled, I Ain?t an Athlete, Lady. Most importantly, he landed a role in a straight-to-DVD sequel to the baseball classic, The Sandlot, titled The Sandlot: Heading Home. It starred Luke Perry. Krukker was fat, which isn?t itself a reason to tease anyone, except when you?re a professional athlete. He had a legit, Kenny Powers-style mullet. In the 1993 All-Star game?the real one and not the vi... More About: Cancer
Arlington Update: Spinners
2010-08-09 03:56:00 It wasn?t preparation for the cold and snowy winter that led me to fatten, though we did get two twenty-inch snowstorms. And it was only partly related to food, as I pounded Chipotle burritos and the like. When I moved to Arlington in January, I struggled deciding how to obtain normal exercise. My condominium has a gym with substantial weight training equipment, but minimal cardio machines. There is also an inexpensive county gym down the street from me. And then there was the lure of buying a stationary bike for my apartment. Despite my reticence to spend money, I couldn?t get by on anaerobic exercise alone. I developed complex mathematical equations that compared the costs and benefits of all the options. Conclusions: county gym: cheap, close, but a pointless membership for cardio alone. Stationary bike: expensive, several years the cost of one year at the local gym, prone to malfunction due to electrical components, pointless if I move to a residence that lacks weight training ... More About: Update
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur July
2010-08-01 02:40:00 Tom Green ?My bum is on a man/Bum is on a man/It's a lot of fun to put yer bum on a man? said Tom Green in his 1999 hit, ?The Bum Bum Song.? That was back during Tom Green?s heyday when he hosted The Tom Green Show on MTV and starred in Road Trip. Tom is now one of those long forgotten celebrities, though he still makes some TV appearances, hosts a web show, and continues his rapping career. Rapper? This Canadian-born oddball, who now looks like a cross between Edward Norton and a serial rapist, was a legitimate rapper in the early ?90s, when his group was nominated for one Canadian rap award and won another. Tom has dabbled with many forms of entertainment, including radio and stand-up comedy. He became highly popular with his MTV shock humor variety show, and even had a brief marriage to Drew Barrymore. They became engaged around the time Tom was diagnosed with testicular cancer. His illness is considered the reason his MTV show ended, though I believe based on zero factua... More About: Cancer
I Thought Hurricane Season was Over
2010-07-20 17:28:00 My friends at UVA honored Hurricane Isabel on September 18, 2003, by drinking Hurricane 40s. Their apartments were flooding, but they were too drunk to care. I observed Isabel in the ER from a fever, since I was still recovering from my bone marrow transplant. I was sent home at midnight, shortly after the worst of the storm. My dad drove us down the leaf-covered roads, dodging small trees. There was a downed tree on our street, and we had to walk the rest of the way. Our house stood at the bottom of a 700-foot hill. Towering trees lined the street on both sides. With a small flashlight, the two of us slowly crept down the dark, wet concrete. The wind howled and the stinging rain punished our faces. We could only see a few feet ahead. Suddenly, we heard the crash of a tree falling. How close was it? Were we in danger? ?We have to get out of here,? I whispered to myself. Halfway down the street, we reached the behemoth. My dad lifted small branches as I crossed over. Two more tree... More About: Season , Thought
The Danger of Flip-Flops
2010-07-08 03:49:00 One late afternoon toward the end of my sophomore year of high school, as I reached the outer edge of the lobby, I got a whiff of a familiar odor. I spotted Zeke and walked toward him. With each step, the smell grew stronger until I finally realized it was Zeke?s nasty feet. ?Dude?? I said with a confused look on my face. He nodded and smiled like an idiot. Once we got in my car I said, ?What the fuck, man? I could smell your stinky-ass feet from 100 feet away.? ?I know,? he said. ?It?s been bad all day.? ?That?s beyond bad. I can?t even breathe over here?oh, this is horrible. I?m not driving you home unless you ride with your feet out the window.? ?If that?s what you want.? The wind swept the putrid odor back into the car and infested the once perfectly-good oxygen. Zeke bought a bottle of air freshener and sprayed it on his feet. Now, he smelled like cinnamon potpourri mixed with an old, sweaty gym bag. When we reached his house he left his sandals upstairs while we played v... More About: Danger
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur June
2010-07-01 02:58:00 Steve Jobs Steve Jobs is a genius. He co-founded Apple in the ?70s, was basically booted out of his own company in the ?80s, and was brought back when Apple purchased Jobs? new company, NeXT Computer, during Apple?s unprofitable years in the ?90s. Since then, he has taken Apple to enormous heights: $37b in revenue (Fortune rank: 56); $6b in profits (rank: 26); and $209b in market value (rank: 3). For the record, I am not a fan of Apple and talk shit about the company when it doesn?t make me look like a total idiot. Apple products are overpriced and overly restricted. I want to download my music for about $0.99 less than what iTunes charges, in most any format, and not have to worry about importing or exporting anything. My eight gigabyte SanDisk player cost me $90 brand new and syncs perfectly with Windows Media Player, and probably MediaMonkey, as well. I?ll stick with my Windows-based PC. It cost a fraction of a Mac computer, is compatible with everything, and has a fucking righ... More About: Cancer , June
Aloha: The Lost Stories and Photos
2010-06-17 05:49:00 Six months after our trip to Hawaii, Greek finally provided me his digital photos. He tossed in a one gigabyte flash drive for good measure. It then took my lazy ass another four months to post some of his photos to my blog. As I relaxed in my beach chair listening not to Justin Bieber but surely music nearly as awesome, JD, Greek, and NoCommonSense kayaked to two small islands. NoCommonSense took off in shame after being dominated by a wave, but his follies continued. When they reached the second island, he tipped over his kayak spilling the GCBs (Good Cold Beers). Regardless, the island party continued. (Doesn't this look like Lost , anyone?) On our way to the North Shore, we stopped by a popular turtle hangout. Turtles are amongst my favorite animals. Zeke and I found one when we were kids and named him Wolfy. We probably saw 50 more over the next decade, and named them Wolfy 2, 3, 4, etc. In truth, I can't tell if these are Wolfys or rocks. I tried teaching Greek the way of... More About: Photos , Stories
The Kid Grows Up
2010-06-04 04:53:00 I?m not writing about Ken Griffey, Jr.?s lackluster performance as of late. Though natural, it is always sad when our heroes deteriorate with age. I?m also not discussing his reported snoozing incident?all players probably doze off from time to time, some games can be boring to watch, and how that became newsworthy is beyond me. I don?t want to get into ?what ifs,? as in how many homers would Griffey have if he had never gotten hurt? 750? 800? Performance-enhancers aren?t on the agenda either, despite his name never being linked. If juicing meant that Bonds was disqualified from career leaderboards, then Griffey?s 630 home runs would put him fourth all-time behind Aaron, Ruth and Mays. I actually wish he had taken HGH?then maybe the second half of his career wouldn?t have been so riddled with injury. Performance-enhancers have enormous medical value, and I wouldn?t be surprised if ten years from now they become an accepted practice to heal damaged tissue. Reading through several ...
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur May
2010-06-01 04:47:00 John McCain It is hysterical what politicians will say in front of cameras, none funnier than Senator McCain. He mixed up Iraq and Afghanistan, Sunnis and Shiites, Somalia and Sudan, and the Packers and Steelers. He said Putin was the president of Germany and miscounted the number of American troops in Iraq by 20,000. He has referred to Czechoslovakia, which was divided into two countries 17 years ago. I still crack up when I watch the YouTube video of him saying, "And you know, I couldn't agree with them more. I couldn't disagree with you. I couldn't agree with you more with the fact..." McCain referred to Obama as "That one" when he couldn't remember his name. He referred to Americans as "my fellow prisoners." Economics is not something he understands well...according to himself. And he thinks the fundamentals of our economy are strong. McCain couldn't remember how many houses he owned, and referred the questioner to his staff. His slip-ups only get better: "Rates were ... More About: Cancer
Lost and Found
2010-05-25 02:57:00 LOST SPOILER! STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN'T YET SEEN THE FINALE AND WOULD LIKE TO. My brother can attest that I'm bad at following complicated movies. I get confused and lost. Films like Snatch and Traffic will never be in the grasp of my understanding. Which is why I was surprised last night when I felt that I "got" the epic finale to Lost . Admittedly, I tossed and turned in bed going through different possible meanings, and today I read through virtually every Lost article, blog, and comment I found. Here is how I see things, though that doesn't mean I am correct. (As an example, my mom is convinced they all died with the original Oceanic 815 crash, but I will show soon why that is false.) The island was real, and everything that occurred on the island actually happened. Our hero, Jack, saved the island and possibly the world, and then died soon after. Hurley and Ben took over as protectors of the island for an unknown period of time. We don't know if they succeeded; we...
Russia Sends Sweet Satellites
2010-05-24 00:33:00 I think of myself as a candy connoisseur. I like to try new varieties and alternate brands. I sometimes rate candy on categories like texture, lasting flavor, flavor peak, replay value, and, of course, tongue stain. The bluer the better. (This odd opening has an even stranger transition into capitalism) Our American economic system is a marvel. It ranks as both the best country in the world to do business with, and the best country for entrepreneurs. It was just in the late ?90s that Larry Page and Sergey Brin founded Google, one of my favorite companies along with Amazon, Facebook, and any firm that makes 3-pound bags of gummy bears. Now, Google ranks 102 in largest American companies by revenue (Forbes), but way higher in terms of profit and market capitalization. Capitalism has its downsides, though, and none more observable than in the candy industry. Once upon a time there were thousands of confectioner companies making unique candies and chocolates. Because of the internet,... More About: Satellites , Sweet , Russia
Arlington Update: Living Quarters
2010-05-20 03:33:00 We have cockroaches. I see maybe five each day, and multiples of that on peak days. I squash them when: towel paper is accessible; I?m not already comfortable on my couch, La-Z-Boy or toilet seat, or; I?m not in an apathetic mood. I often find them dried up on my kitchen floor. When the benefit of discarding them is outweighed by the cost of bending down to collect them, I just walk around them. The pest control guy visits every month. Millennium was in the apartment one such occasion and he thought there was a good chance the bug guy was actually a burglar. My building didn?t turn on the air conditioning until the second week in May. My bedroom reached 86 degrees some nights and my cockroach problem took a backseat to sheets smothered in sweat. Besides, at that temperature critters decompose quickly. There is a convicted sex offender living on the floor above mine. Though I believe it is a breach of civil rights to register these people on a publicly accessible website... More About: Living , Update
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur April
2010-04-29 04:16:00 ?If you don?t like onion rings, then I don?t even care ?bout ya? ? Trick Daddy Michael C. Hall If you haven?t seen the show, then I don?t even care 'bout ya. Dexter?a Showtime series about a blood spatter analyst who works for the Miami Metro Police Department and kills people in his spare time to feed his need?is awesome. Michael C. Hall plays the title character. Dexter witnessed his mother?s bloody murder as a young boy, her body sliced to pieces, her blood saturating him as he howled, alone, and sitting in it. Dexter?s mind repressed the memories, but he was left sociopathic and emotionally dead. Michael Hall?s father died of prostate cancer when he was just 11 years old. He plays the role of the emotionless monster so well that one has to wonder if his boyhood trauma made him into a real-life Dexter. That just may be considering he married his sister, that sicko (well, at least his adopted sister on the show?same thing, right?). I was saddened earlier this year to learn th... More About: Cancer , April
Iron Marrow
2010-04-21 21:07:00 My bone marrow has had a rough seventh year of life, through no fault of her own. Because I received so many blood transfusions over the years, my organs accumulated iron. My ferritin level?a measure of the iron in my bloodstream?was over five times the upper limit of normal. Treatment consisted of getting my blood drained monthly. Being the go-getter that I am, I requested my doctor to draw off more blood, and more frequently. After several months my harassment finally worked and I now get 400 milliliters of blood removed every three weeks?nearly enough to fill a bottle of water. My bone marrow thinks that my request was intended to piss her off (keep this on the DL, but it is funny hearing how exhausted she gets when I exercise the day following my blood draws). She also makes heinous threats, like depriving my penis of blood. She feels entitled to the life of a normal, middle class bone marrow. I try explaining that sometimes life throws shit your way that you must deal with?l...
Arlington Update: Jamming Out
2010-04-20 03:39:00 After surviving my stem cell transplant in 2003, my dad?s coworkers scrounged a few hundred dollars for me to buy myself a present. I chose to spend it on something practical. I narrowed my options down to the following: Old-fashioned popcorn machine Snow cone maker XM Radio At that time XM Radio had fewer than 1 million customers, but JD?always one of the first to adopt new technology?had bought a unit for his Wrangler, and I loved it. The commercial-free music, clear sound, and plethora of sports channels gave XM a slight edge over popcorn kernels. I splurged on the Delphi SkyFi car unit and home boom box. Throughout my six years with XM, I had only two qualms: no modern, hard rock station, and no mainstream rock station. I could only take so many ?90s alternative and Shins/Killers/Muse-type songs. I voiced my concern to XM in an e-mail. ?As an economics major I don't see why an upgrade can't be made,? I wrote. ?The cost of changing the music selection pales in comparison t... More About: Update
Strikeout: Part II
2010-04-02 00:48:00 These segments are a continuation of my 2007 story, Strikeout. 7I was in the computer lab my senior year of high school with The Stumbler and my crush, Munchkin. They were discussing a party she would attend that night, and how I should accompany her. Munchkin told The Stumbler that I was going to get play that night, and it was obvious she wanted me to overhear her. My nerves went haywire. I pretended not to listen as I furiously typed gibberish, though the look on my face suggested I found the solution to peace in the Middle East. I forced myself to stop by her work that afternoon, though. I first ran into 7-11 and bought her the blue pack of Starburst, formerly known as California Fruits before Mars changed the flavors and name to Baja California. The original blue pack was one of the best candy packages ever assembled. I was hopeful that Munchkin shared my passion for corn syrup and hydrogenated palm oil. I felt like I was about to make an inauguration speech in front of two... More About: Part
Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur March
2010-03-28 22:25:00 Lance Armstrong Ever heard of this guy (joke)? Lance is best known for winning the Tour-de-France?perhaps the most grueling sporting event in the world?seven consecutive times. Many people don?t realize that athleticism is in Lance?s genetic code. His mother was an athlete. Lance began competing as an early teenager, becoming a professional triathlete at age sixteen. On athletic measures such as resting heart rate and aerobic capacity, he posts mindboggling numbers. Lance has a focus like nobody I?ve ever read about, a small circle of trusted friends, and the desire to control most aspects of his life. It is this drive that pushes him to not only endure huge amounts of pain, but seemingly enjoy it. He is physically and mentally tougher than most humans on the planet. Lance began his foundation after his testicular cancer diagnosis in the mid 90s. It has become a premiere cancer research and support organization. Because of his giant celebrity status, advocacy, and undying search f... More About: Cancer , March
Anybody Else Remember This?
2010-03-16 23:14:00 The below used to be an excerpt from my book, way back in the eleventh draft, before it was removed. I haven't a clue what draft my book is currently in; I can't count that high. Background: unimportant. Preface: This is not reflective of my political views, but rather the opinion that huge exploding bombs are awe-inspiring. Thursday, March 20, 2003 ...We got home Thursday night, just in time to see the last set of NCAA Tournament games. On Friday the United States dropped countless bombs on Baghdad. ?Shock and Awe? was an amazing sight, but it couldn?t have occurred at a worse time. Every 10 minutes Dan Rather would cut into basketball games to talk about the situation and show more coverage in Iraq. I, and every other college basketball fan, wanted to kick his wrinkly ass. Happy March Madness, kiddies. I'll be in Las Vegas this weekend celebrating Zeke's bachelor party, perhaps making a few bets and watching a few games. I will never forgive Rather for his egregious crime. ...
Out of Context
2010-03-05 19:32:00 I listen for the inaudible drip drip drip of the colorless poison as it crawls down the long tube leading to the needle impaled through my chest, and the shrieks of my next door neighbor, a young child, at our pediatric hospital wing. I reach for the silver triangle dangling above my bed?a toy to me?in my dry, small, frigid room. I sniff for the hospital slop that I never eat, and thus can refrain from trying to smell my vomit that would ensue. I smack my lips to taste the metal after heparin is infused rapidly?hopefully not made in China.But none of it is real, as they are now imaginary remnants.*Autobiographical memories are best retrieved when the environment where the events took place is replicated. I learned this in one of my many psychology classes at UVA and later Northern Virginia Community College. Through the marathon of writing and editing my book, I implemented it in order to recreate my detailed cancer world. With one exception that became among my book?s best writing,...
My Hip CT Scan
2009-09-09 20:45:00 I received a CT scan to measure my leg length discrepancy resulting from my cancer surgery over eight and a half years ago. I know what my hip looks like?I've seen X-rays over the years. However, I had never seen this."This is science at its peak. It's incredible. How in the fuck am I still able to walk pain-free?" I wrote in an e-mail to my friend, Hamburgers. I attached the CT picture. "Don't worry, you can't make out my junk. It just looks like a bulge," I wrote.I clicked Send.Forty-five minutes later I peeked at the picture again, and realized I could enlarge it. I clicked the magnifying glass icon, and could now see my clearly defined genitalia. "I take it back?you can totally see my donger if you zoom in," I wrote back to Hamburgers. "I highly recommend you not zoom in, but your personal sexual desires are your own prerogative."So, that's what the "smudge" function is for, huh? More About: Scan
Girls of Cancer: Miss August
2009-08-31 04:04:00 Adamari López ToroWe're only eight months into my Girls of Cancer Calendar and I?m already digging deep for cancer-surviving hotties. I blame this on Melissa Etheridge. Every time I search for famous cancer survivors, she pops up, and I?m forced to quit my efforts and gargle with Listerine?the brown, burning kind.My searches eventually led me to Adamari López Toro, a stunning Puerto Rican actress who has never appeared in American media and, unfortunately, has no relation to Benicio Del Toro. Adamari is famous for being in Mexican soap operas including Camila and the megahit, Amigas y Rivales. What, you haven?t seen them?Adamari is a favorite target for the paparazzi and gossip magazines. She was also featured in People en Español?s Los 50 Más Bellos (The 50 Most Beautiful) in 2007. I should have never stopped at Spanish 4.At 4 feet 10 inches, Adamari is, by some classifications, considered a little person. In 2005, she was diagnosed with ?stage 1? breast cancer and underwent surge... More About: Miss , August
Push it to the Limit
2009-08-06 23:59:00 I set out with a seemingly simple goal: reduce my body fat to 8%. I expected the process to take two months. It ended up taking 18.I made quick progress in the first five months, when I eliminated processed foods and consumed more fruits and vegetables as part of a broader, healthier lifestyle change. I strictly counted my calories and had an iron will.I went to Bob Evans with my parents last summer and ordered one of the lowest-calorie entrées, and substituted vegetables for starch. I ate none of the rolls and biscuits. I even managed not to order strawberry shortcake, my favorite dessert.?Wow, that makes me kind of sad,? my friend, T2theZ, said after I told him.Food constantly occupied my mind, disrupting my work and, sometimes, my sleep. The stomach pain I could easily handle. It was my passion for food and taste that hurt.I had lost many pounds, and was confused why I hadn?t yet reached my goal. Only a few more weeks before you can eat whatever you desire, I?d continually assure...
Girls of Cancer: Miss July
2009-08-01 03:52:00 Geralyn LucasThe authorities in China would be pissed if they did a Google image search for Geralyn Lucas. She can be found completely topless on the first results page. No porno terms needed. I just made the day of my teenage male readers. And for everyone else?I swear I?m not a perv.Geralyn did a topless photo shoot for Self some years back while promoting her book, Why I Wore Lipstick. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was relatively young, twenty-seven years old, and had a mastectomy to remove the tumor. Her nipple was taken as part of the surgery, and she considered getting a cosmetic replacement, but instead went with a tattoo where her nipple used to be. Though I?m not condoning using the internet to view naked pictures, for those boys who just now reconsidered Googling her, shame on you! People come in all colors and sizes, and discrimination will not be tolerated simply because Geralyn lacks a nipple.Her memoir was recommended to me when I was querying literary ... More About: Girls , Cancer , Miss , July
My One Autumn with the Yankees
2009-07-18 16:10:00 My dad?s family stared at him, horrified. It was the spring of 1958, and their beloved Brooklyn Dodgers had just moved to Los Angeles, leaving them devastated. The relocation didn?t bother my dad as much as his parents and older sister. The rebellious thirteen-year-old proudly wore his brand-new New York Yankees jacket to the dinner table.My dad has always been a bit confused when it comes to team allegiance. He grew up a New York Giants fan, became a Redskins fan when he moved to the Washington area, but made my brother, JD, wear a Cowboys shirt when he was a little boy. JD would rather not talk about it.My dad?s NFL order of teams goes Redskins and then Giants, and he generally doesn?t mind the Cowboys. He?ll even root for the Giants when, toward the end of the season, a New York win will harm their divisional rival Redskins? chances of making the playoffs. ?It?s up to the Skins to get the job done,? he?ll say. ?Why would I root for the Chiefs over the Giants? I probably can?t nam... More About: Autumn
Girls of Cancer: Miss June
2009-06-29 17:09:00 Kylie MinogueCrikey is Australian-born Kylie Minogue attractive, despite how annoying her 2002 smash hit ?Can?t Get You out of My Head? was. Though I hadn?t heard of her until seven years ago, Kylie reached fame in Australia in the late ?80s with her role in a soap opera, and then as a singer. Kylie has sold over 60 million records and has a bronze statue in Melbourne, Australia, which is bowed to by horny teenage boys.Some of Kylie?s critics say she is a terrible singer, and that she uses her fame, revealing costumes, and sex symbol-status to cover up her lack of talent. I can?t agree or disagree ? the few times I caught part of the boring and highly unpopular show American Idol I thought singers were good when the panel claimed that they sucked. I do think Kylie?s music sucks though I?m also not her target audience. I was her target audience seven years ago when I considered purchasing a plane ticket to Melbourne, as well as a small rug to protect my knees on the concrete.Kylie wa... More About: Girls , Cancer , June , Miss
Men's Bathroom Etiquette
2009-06-22 20:53:00 ?Keep your eyes on the wall,? Ho-Train said. ?No matter what, keep your eyes on the wall.?My friend, Ho-Train, was sharing his most important rule of the men?s bathroom in an article I wrote for my high school newspaper, The Yellow Jacket. Ho-Train?s quote was one of the few I used in my articles that I didn?t fabricate and randomly credit to classmates.More rules:No talking unless all the communicators are on the same plane: at the sink, urinal, or in the shitter. If you and your friend are peeing, and you finish before him, your conversation must pause until he rejoins you at the sink.Never touch handles with your palm.Take an end urinal if available. If possible, leave two unused urinals between you and the other dude, but no more than three or you risk looking like a pansy, with the exception of the end unit. If you have to saddle up next to another dude, keep your elbows tight. If you?re going to have to squeeze between two dudes, broach the urinal extremely slowly in the hope ... More About: Bathroom , Etiquette
Twisted
2009-06-16 22:18:00 Meet Gregg Valentino, who clearly drinks his orange juice. He looks like a challah bread. I feel like I should eat him with my Manischewitz wine Friday night.
'Terminator' Misses Target... at First
2009-06-12 04:55:00 I knew something was off from the start. The theme song from 1984?s The Terminator had been tweaked for the previous two sequels, but nothing like this. Terminator Salvation director, McG, and his composer obliterated it. The theme song was the sole reason I tuned in to the first episode of the TV show, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. It was also the sole reason I changed the channel after five minutes, because the song was not in the show.The new installment to the Terminator series was disappointing. I can be nitpicky, like there was too little background music during the action scenes. But the dialogue was also very weak, and the acting fairly poor. For the second straight summer, Christian Bale was outdone by his costar. Sam Worthington ? is he human or something else? ? was the shining star of the film, receiving as many scenes as Bale, who played humanity?s savior, John Connor.We first saw John Connor?s character in 1991?s Terminator 2: Judgment Day as a boy played by... More About: Target
Water Fuzz
More articles from this author:2009-06-05 03:12:00 While boating with friends during Memorial Day weekend, a police boat pulled us over. I considered taking my earplugs out, but then decided it would probably be best for me to play dumb. My four other friends had a long conversation with the two officers, far longer than I hoped for. The only thing I heard was the officer repeatedly say ?$2,500 fine.?I scrolled my friends? expressions to gauge if what I heard was correct. They seemed calm, certainly more relaxed than I was.I became impatient. I wanted the coppers to leave so I could find out what was going on. One of the officers was asking us what we did for a living. When the officer inquired about my profession, Mr. Mountain Dew said, ?Ben is?? Mr. Mountain Dew hadn?t a clue what I did or how to describe it. He looked at me and spoke loudly so I could hear. ?Ben, what do you do??I don?t even know what I do. I pulled it out of my ass: ?I?m a Junior Acquisition Specialist at a Government contractor that assists Government agencies ... More About: Water 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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