I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog

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Road Trippin': A Picture Story
2008-06-04 05:25:00
"If it's possible for a car not to have an amenity, then mine doesn't," I said to my lone compadre, T2theZ. I had to see Dr. Andre Million in Minneapolis for my five-year transplant anniversary. There's no better way to do it than travel the country and see baseball games, even if your car doesn't have power windows, cruise control or even mirrors on the visors.We kicked off our trip with an appetizer, a quick hop on the Metro to the brand-new Nationals Park. I won't say it's as nice as Camden Yards, but it gets damn close.The high-definition scoreboard is over 100 feet long.If you think that's a good mowing job then you should check out my lawn.Poor Teddy Roosevelt never wins the presidents race.Nice view of the Capitol.It's sad that nobody shows up. If only the Nationals were better, or if the whole roster was a bunch of Ryan Zimmermans.Whoever said Pittsburgh was a dirty city?This isn't even half the bridges.Ah, the big ketchup bottle.I fucking hate snakes.Again, stadium...
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The Lawn Mower
2008-05-20 06:02:00
I hold down the lever and yank back on the chord as I hear the rumbling, feel the vibrating in my hands. The lawn mower shakes off brown dust the way a dog shakes off water. It roars at me in anticipation of the blades of grass it will soon eat. The mower knows it is time for its weekly meal. It is Saturday.My dad wants me to use the riding lawn mower, but for two reasons I don?t: I enjoy the walking, the pushing. The act of being the mower. Also, when I was younger I tried the rider and I couldn?t reach the brake and almost collided with my mom?s car.For years I mowed with this same push mower ? a professional, I called myself. Then, abruptly, I stopped mowing because my left hip was removed and I could no longer walk. It was my job, my duty, my responsibility no more. For years I was used to someone else using my lawn mower, or worse, not using it and instead relying on the riding mower.It was not easy getting my job back, not because my dad loved mowing so much, but because he di...

In Yo Face, Will Smith
2008-05-12 03:16:00
It took Will Smith just a few minutes to complete the Rubik?s Cube in The Pursuit of Happyness while it took me 18 years. That makes me 3 million times smarter than him, 17% of the time. Think about it.I still remember me and my brother playing with it when we visited my dad?s friend, Coach, when we were youngsters. If only we knew to match the colors instead of make smiley faces.Last year my roommate, Mr. Mountain Dew, practiced the Rubik's Cube so many times he could finish without the instructions. I could tie my Velcro shoes without instructions. That was obviously more impressive.On two separate occasions I reached the next-to-last step and then fucked it up. It took over four hours each time. I vowed to finish the cube one day, then cross it off my list of life goals, just like I did for the Hell level of difficulty for Sudoku.Each is officially checked off. Getting as ripped as Will Smith is next.
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If We Fightin', We Fightin'
2008-05-07 22:32:00
"Bosssss-tuuuuun!" we screamed countless times on the way to Boston last January to visit our old roommate, T-Unit. Mr. Mountain Dew and I had been meaning to pay him a visit for over a year. Vodka/Benadryl tagged along because, honestly, who wouldn't want to hang out with T-Unit?T-Unit's two-year-old son was excited to see us, and showed off by running around the house until snot poured from his nose and he could barely breathe. Unfortunately, he had a cold. Lil? T-Unit wanted to touch me and I looked at him like he was nuts. "Don't you know that sharing your microorganisms will spread your respiratory viral infection?" I asked him. He understood. Lil? T-Unit is so smart.My other friend, Zeke, still kept in touch with a girl we met at spring break in Mexico almost a year before named Kandy. She lived in Boston, so I asked Zeke for her number. I called Kandy the second night we were there. "Hey, it's Ben Rubenstein.""?Who?""From spring break last year.""?Who?""Remember, we went ...

f*©k cancer
2008-05-02 06:57:00
As part of my five-year cancer-free celebration, I attended the drunken debauchery known as the Foxfield Races in Charlottesville. Unfortunately, this year I didn?t get to see anybody passed out on the ground, but I did see girls squatting to pee. Some squatted and faced toward instead of away from people. Those were the special* ones.*completely sloshedThe piss troughs are where the real excitement is. I?ve never had the opportunity to witness guys do trough slides ? frolicking through a shallow pool of urine collected from hundreds of dudes? johnsons. Last year a guy dropped his sunglasses in the massive urinal while he was pissing. Everyone started chanting, ?PUT THEM ON! PUT THEM ON!? Sure enough, he reached into the piss, grabbed his sunglasses and put them right back on his head. Don?t worry ? urine is sterile and good for the skin.The good people at Cancer FreeTees.com also contributed to the celebration by sending me one of their t-shirts. I should?ve worn it to Foxfield. It ...

Cancer Freedom in Every Way
2008-04-24 16:46:00
It?s an arbitrary date, a point on the concave function that always approaches cancer deliverance but never quite reaches it.For the risk of recurrence, two years cancer-free is better than one year. Five years is better than two. And ten years is better than five. But the risk of recurrence gets exponentially smaller to the point where some doctors ? people who are trained to be cautious with words ? say we?re cured at five years. Many doctors and patients themselves are reluctant to use that word, including me. I?m not superstitious, but maybe the Cancer fairy is.Five years ago those pure, clean stem cells with no sign of leukemia, no sign of mutation at the seventh chromosome, entered my bloodstream in a flurry like that of a Muhammad Ali combination. All those tiny, microscopic cells honing in on their target, the center of my large bones, fending off any unwanted intruders, cooperating with the rest of my body, repopulating, saturating. Giving me a new chance, new hope, new lif...
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T Minus Two Days
2008-04-22 20:51:00
My little sweetheart turns fourMy bone marrow is so excited for her fifth birthday. When I told her, "Calm down, it's still two days away," she made me anemic. What a spoiled brat.Back to Bob Saget, it looks like all that time spent with Michelle is finally paying off.
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T Minus Four Days
2008-04-20 20:55:00
I wonder what The Countdown timer on the right will show at 11:30 AM on Thursday? Maybe a Chinese fortune. "You will remain healthy, the Redskins will win the Super Bowl and Bob Saget says hello."
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If I Ruled Sports
2008-04-18 02:47:00
If I ruled sports I would ban Bill Walton from, well, everything. The same courtesy would be extended to the entire Walton family.There is little incentive for NBA teams to play hard in the regular season when 16 of 30 make the playoffs. If I ruled sports I would reduce the number to 12, matching the NFL playoff system.Teams surely played hard in the Western Conference this year where the top six teams were separated by a mere two games. But we all knew those six teams would make the playoffs, anyway. And home court is not enough incentive for teams to play hard all 82 regular season games, or for fans to be fully engaged. There needs to be a first-round bye for the top two teams in each conference. Then they?d really be playing for something.The NBA doesn?t want to take my advice because that would reduce the total number of playoff games, thus reducing its biggest source of revenue. The owners are only thinking about the short-term. Fewer people are watching the NBA than in the pa...
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The Tribute to Jerry Seinfeld
2008-04-09 23:42:00
I was at Zeke's house when I saw my first episode, just as I was for The Drew Carey Show and Wings. As much as I enjoyed watching Timothy Daly and Monk, I laughed a little harder when we saw "The Chinese Restaurant." "Cartwright!" gets me every time.Watching Seinfeld became a Thursday night tradition for my brother and me, along with a few Fudgesicle pops. When it went off the air in 1998, NBC tried to fill the hole in my heart with pathetic replacements like Frasier and then Will & Grace. What a fucking joke.I'd been watching ? "spending time" ? with Jerry , George, Kramer and Elaine for so long that they felt like friends of mine. My favorite character changed by the year, although I could relate to all of them at one time or another. Any time I saw the actors on other TV shows or interviews I expected them to behave the same way as they did on Seinfeld. I expected the same from the main four as I did from Newman, Peterman, Puddy, and one of the funniest people I've seen on ...
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One and Three Quarter Inches
2008-03-31 22:40:00
Some health insurance companies cover interesting things, like prescription contraceptives. Sometimes plastic surgery to correct asymmetrical breasts, droopy eyelids and deformed ears is also covered. That all makes perfect sense. Birth control is a necessity for nymphomaniacs, unless they want to be in a constant state of pregnancy. And plastic surgery is a necessity for people with funky looking boobs. Don't even get me started on people with deformed ears ? they should have their own schools.One thing health insurance won't cover: the shoe lift I wear because my femur migrated up due to a lack of hip bone. Insurance would cover the lift if it fit inside the shoe, but not mended to the sole. That was fine when I had a quarter inch insert, but now my lift is one and three quarter inches. That wouldn't even fit inside Shaq's size 23s.The lift costs $175. I purchased my latest New Balance 574s for $20, meaning the lift was over eight times the cost of the sneakers.That's okay. I...
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64: A Collection of Stories
2008-03-25 17:30:00
1999I didn't begin watching college basketball until high school, and even then I was willing to miss a few tournament games to eat dinner with my parents at Bob Evans. Their spaghetti and garlic toast was irresistible.2001By my junior year it was a sin to miss March Madness games. I even caught most of the conference tournament games the week before the madness began. I watched teams from the mid-major conferences like the Atlantic 10 and Conference USA ? whatever was on TV.I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. It was my seventh cycle of chemo and I did it outpatient. The clinic was closed on the weekend, so I had to get my two hours of chemo on the gloomy hospital wing. There were very few other patients. It was so quiet and dark. Before leaving it took forever for my nurse to put my leg brace on.How stupid can you be? Pull the strap and secure. Hurry the fuck up. Get me out of here.If it wasn't for the soothing sounds of raucous fans and lame announcers, I might've ac...
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Blame Canada
2008-03-11 06:38:00
It was the summer of 1994 and I was on vacation with my family in Niagara Falls, New York. While out to dinner at Perkins Restaurant, I got up to pee. I pushed the bathroom door open and walked in, searching for the urinals, but there were no urinals. How can a men's bathroom not have urinals? I was the only person in the room, except for one dude taking a shit. I did one more search, scanning my eyes from wall to wall, but still no urinals. I wondered if Canadians pissed in the sink and maybe that rubbed off on these northern New Yorkers. Look what the world has come to, pissing in sinks. That Canada sure is a crazy country.I was about to pee in one of the numerous empty toilets, when I heard the dude taking a shit make a grunting sound, only it was high-pitched. He made the noise a second time and I realized it wasn't a dude at all, and she may or may not have been taking a shit. There were no urinals because I was in the women's bathroom. Back in middle school I dreamed of bei...
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Office Drama
2008-03-03 23:28:00
I recently finished my two-month stint working in the items processing department of a bank, my first office job. I won't get into how boring and tedious it was. The only thing worth mentioning was I saw a personal check for $9 million. When I looked up her phone number and asked if she'd marry me, she said she was in her late 60s with 3 grandchildren. I was strangely okay with that.For a while, the other employees pretty much ignored me. They'd been working together for years and didn't need some young punk entering their gossip loop. But after a few weeks I became friends with a girl there, F1 (office gossip queen), and she spilled the beans. I realized what I'd been missing by never having an office job, especially one with mostly women ? the drama. I couldn't get enough of it.F1 had immense knowledge of the office. She worked there for four years, then went off to college and came back to work part-time during her breaks. She was faster than me at every task, except using ...
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Fix Me (Part IV of IV)
2008-02-22 18:15:00
Fix Me (Part I of IV)Fix Me (Part III of IV)I ate almost nothing for a length of time you probably wouldn?t even believe. Humans can survive a month without food? I finally started to feel better when summer fruits were just hitting the markets. Of all the foods I could?ve eaten, it was fruit that I wanted most. I couldn?t stop thinking about how amazing it would taste, how juicy it would be on the first bite, how I?d let it run down my chin.A nice man who volunteered to help out patient?s families brought me plums, nectarines and peaches. I may not have slept at all the night before because I was so excited. But, the day he delivered them I got a bad cold with yellow fungus growing on my tongue. I couldn?t taste or smell anything. I tried so hard just to sniff the nectarine, but I couldn?t. It was crushing, something I perceived as a major setback. I was so close, but it would be several more weeks before I could enjoy my first nectarine.My hospital discharge also kept getting push...

Fix Me (Part III of IV)
2008-02-16 06:58:00
Fix Me (Part I of IV)Fix Me (Part II ov IV)The other patients hung pictures on the outside of their doors, mostly from when they were healthy. I added one decoration to my room, but it wasn?t a self-portrait ? it was a Rocky poster. One doctor joked that he wanted to see me throw a few punches. I?m certain he didn?t understand the reason I put it up. He probably thought it was because I enjoyed the movie and admired Rocky Balboa. Both are true, but not the major reason. The movie is widely considered a classic. And the character, Rocky, was one of the easiest to root for of any movie I?ve seen. Not only do I admire the character Rocky, but I also admire Stallone for playing him beautifully and creating him. Stallone forwent guaranteed wealth to act the role instead of selling the script, a huge risk on his part.The major reason I hung the poster across from my bed was inspiration ? more specifically, the fear that some time during the transplant process I would need to be inspired. ...

Fix Me (Part II of IV)
2008-02-11 07:02:00
Fix Me (Part I of IV)My first night in the hospital was the night before treatment began ? the treatment that would wipe out my existing bone marrow. Once my parents and Aunt Marchi left, I watched Training Day before going to sleep. That night it was easy to forget that I would soon be getting inhumane doses of chemotherapy and radiation, ?Ten times more toxic than for your previous cancer,? as one doctor described it. I had my own room with an adjustable bed, a large chair with a footrest, a TV, my PlayStation 2 and DVDs up the wazoo. I had pretty girls looking over me from their desk just outside my room. In every facet except one, I was in heaven.And that one facet was terrible, horrible, intolerable, and fortunately only one week long because it would?ve killed me if it was much longer. Even though it was only a week, its effect on me lasted far longer.The conditioning regimen temporarily left me unable to taste. My saliva no longer resembled a liquid ? my spit stuck to m...

Fix Me (Part I of IV)
2008-02-06 22:17:00
On the plane ride I wore a high school Senior Buddy t-shirt that said ?Need Help?? on the front, and ?Follow Me? on the back. I wasn?t actually a Senior Buddy, but in homeroom I saw an extra shirt lying around so I snagged it.As I walked to my window seat a stranger looked at me and said, ?I need help.??What?? I asked, wondering if he was even talking to me.?Help me?it?s on your shirt.??Oh. Yeah. Follow Me,? I said pointing to the back. He laughed.I wasn?t used to that kind of friendly, albeit strange, conversation. But I was headed to the Midwest for my umbilical cord stem cell transplant and my mom, who grew up in Springfield, Illinois, said that?s how people are out there. She?ll be the first to tell you it?s the exact opposite of Brooklyn, where my dad is from. She likes to tell a story of when they were in a grocery store and asked an employee where an item was located. He turned away from my parents, stuck his nose high in the air and answered their question, refusing to look ...
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Their Perfect Legacy
2008-02-04 16:57:00
During the Giants final drive I looked at my dad and said, ?If the Patriots keep blowing opportunities, they?re going to lose this game.? They let an interception slip through their hands and let Eli slip out of a critical sack. They lost the game because of these and other missed opportunities, as well as a relentless Giants pass rush.I don?t know how the Patriots will bounce back from last night?s Super Bowl loss. I doubt they, or any other team, will ever again go 16-0 in the regular season. This was their one chance to go down as an elite team in American sports history. It would?ve been the pinnacle of success ? an undefeated season. Even if they win another Super Bowl they may always think, ?What if.? They?ve already won three, and a fourth championship will still be just a fourth championship. It won?t be perfection. I think they?ll be sick about this loss forever.For the legacies of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, it would?ve been better if they had never gone perfect and hadn...
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Peekaboo
2008-01-25 03:26:00
For my first cancer I got five weeks of radiation directed at my hip region, including some of my bowel. This caused mild diarrhea by the second or third week, gradually leading to the atomic variety. The hospital was about an hour from my house, so it was never a bad idea to use the toilet before my departure, even if I didn?t have the acute urge to shit.The bathroom was very large for one person, but that?s just what it was. It had only one sink, one toilet, a lock on the door and tons of open space.I remember one specific afternoon toward the end of the five-week period. I expected heavy traffic on Interstate 66, and I also needed to poop. Waiting it out wasn?t an option, regardless of how much I preferred the comfort of my own home. I turned the light on, closed the door, and dropped trow.I wouldn?t wish for anyone to be in the bathroom on that warm, sunny afternoon. No matter how bad a person he is, or how terrible a transgression he committed, that punishment would not fit the...

Again (Part III of III)
2008-01-18 03:42:00
Again (Part I of III)Again (Part II of III)As I said in Welcome to the Good Life (Part II of II), during my original cancer I had few responsibilities, and thus not much to worry about. When I got home at the beginning of March, and when I was still at UVA in a sense, I had even fewer responsibilities. I didn?t have to think about schoolwork. I didn?t have to plan for nighttime activities because my friends were mostly away at college. I didn?t have the pressure of hitting on girls and consequently getting shot down. All I had to do was find ways to entertain myself and get blood counts and transfusions. I was actually at peace more than any other point in my life. Bearing in mind I was in the process of finding a bone marrow donor and would need a transplant for long-term survival, that sounds absolutely insane. But it really was a very happy and peaceful two months.Certainly, part of what made it so peaceful was all the snow we got that winter. There were two large snowstorms whil...

Again (Part II of III)
2008-01-12 17:35:00
Again (Part I of III)I was almost certain I wouldn?t finish the semester, so I barely went to any classes. I also had restrictions on exercising. And the one time I partied I was terrified the alcohol would cause internal bleeding because of my low platelets. That left my days about as unproductive as you can imagine. My roommate and I used to leave our door open, but I began closing it because I felt like such a loser when people passed by several times and I was still sitting in my chair playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003 and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. The most productive thing I did was make a compilation CD of the best Vice City songs and copy it for my hall mates. There was some kickass 80?s music on that game.My bone marrow was dying so fast it was scary. Within weeks of finding out there was a problem I was already getting blood and platelet transfusions regularly. If I wasn?t in my dorm room playing PlayStation 2, I was probably hooked up to an IV at the UVA hematology/onco...

Again (Part I of III)
2008-01-08 05:57:00
I am king of these parts. All the doctors and nurses know me and tell me how healthy I look. It?s been 28 months since my original cancer diagnosis, and 16 months since I became cancer-free. This is actually more of a social visit than anything else. I haven?t seen these friends of mine since the summer, about six months ago. They ask about my first semester at UVA. They know the reason I?m here is simply following the protocol. I defeated cancer with such relative ease, it?s expected that I?ll remain healthy forever. I feel as strong as I?ve been since before it all started when I was 16. I?ve been exercising and lifting weights on a regular basis. I?m up to 135 pounds on the bench press and climbing ? nothing to brag about, but not too shabby, either.It was the most common of blood tests that changed everything ? the CBC, or Complete Blood Count. It showed that my bone marrow was dying without me even knowing it. No clue, no idea, never crossed my mind, impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. And...
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We Don't Eat Fungus
2008-01-03 02:54:00
After my bone marrow transplant I developed fungal pneumonia. Actually, I got it twice. But, that's not what this story is about. This story is about my dad and his fondness for mushrooms. He ate them on his chicken and with his kasha varnishkes. I, on the other hand, have never eaten mushrooms. They look disgusting. And I don't like the thought of eating fungus.After my transplant my dad continued eating mushrooms. When he asked me if I wanted any I replied, "I don't eat fungus."Gradually, my response evolved into, "I don't eat fungus ? I had fungal pneumonia," finally culminating with, "I don't eat fungus ? it causes fungal pneumonia."That statement is totally untrue, but I said it so often that I brainwashed my dad into believing it until one day he stopped eating mushrooms. Do you know what his response was when I asked him why? "Mushrooms cause fungal pneumonia," he said.I hadn't wanted to ruin his taste for mushrooms, and I probably should've told him that I'd brainwas...

Happy Holidays
2007-12-25 06:18:00
When I was six, give or take, I told my friend Zeke the truth about Santa Claus: his name was Mr. and Mrs. Zeke, he rode in a motor vehicle instead of a sleigh, and he didn?t have enough money to buy gifts for the other five billion people on the planet. Zeke didn?t take it very well, and replied with, ?Oh yeah, well I don?t believe in Hanukah!?As the story goes, Zeke?s mom later called my mom to complain that I shouldn?t be telling her son such blasphemy. Was it wrong of me to share my innate knowledge with my friend? Perhaps. Is it wrong to force little Jewish boys to lie about flying caribou and an old man who trespasses and steals cookies? Absolutely.That said, I?d like to wish you all a belated Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Forefathers Day, Happy New Year, Happy early Birthday to Sandy Koufax, Tiger Woods, LeBron James and me (all December 30), and a Happy Boxing Day.
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How Dare You, Mom and Dad
2007-12-21 04:28:00
The parents of graduating seniors in my high school were able to publish a message to their child in the yearbook. Pictures could be added along with the message. My parents chose to use two pictures: one taken recently, and one from when I was a youngster.When I picked up my yearbook at the end of the year, I flipped to the back to see what kind of embarrassment I should brace myself for. Luckily, there was nothing awkward or humiliating. However, there was something that made me angry ? my parents submitted a toddler picture of my brother, JD.?I can?t believe my own parents don?t remember what I looked like,? I complained to my friends. ?Everybody knows I was a better looking two-year-old.?When I got home I called my mom into the kitchen and opened the yearbook to my segment in the back. ?Notice anything wrong with this?? I asked, pointing to young JD.?No, it looks great. You and JD were both such good-looking kids.??That?s just it?you sent in a picture of JD!?There was a long pau...
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Phat Jam Car Slam
2007-12-16 00:50:00
When I was 16 I nearly got in collisions on a daily basis. Zeke was often in the car with me during these frightening experiences and would give subtle warnings such as ?pole,? ?car,? or in one case, ?big black guy.?I was giving Zeke and Big Easy a ride home after school one afternoon. We met in the lobby where I told them I had phat jams we could listen to ? I got the new CDs of Jay-Z, Eminem and Dr. Dre. We couldn?t have been more stoked to cruise through the mean streets of Northern Virginia with the windows down and the stock stereo system rocking.Shortly after exiting the school parking lot, I turned left onto Liberia Avenue and accelerated to 50 mph as sounds of Dr. Dre?s Chronic 2001 filled the warm air. Once my car climbed over the hill and began its descent, I saw that the light up ahead was red and there was a long line of cars. I was given no warning and there really wasn?t much room to stop. I was also going 15 over the limit. I slammed on my brakes as hard as I possibly...
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Crazy Drinking Story
2007-12-08 18:49:00
During the spring semester of 2004 I was living in a house with three friends, including Duckman and Mr. Mountain Dew. The Thursday night before spring break began, two of our more rowdy friends came to visit (Colossus and Vodka/Benadryl), bringing two of their rowdy friends (Strict and EMP).We were chilling in the living room when Mr. Mountain Dew got a call about a party. At the time my immune system was still recovering from a bone marrow transplant, so I wasn?t supposed to be around large groups of people. But this was meant to be a relatively small birthday party for our friend, RightStuff, at her boyfriend?s house.Duckman opted out, so the other six of us packed into my car and drove down the street to RightStuff?s party. When we got there we all split up and I quickly found myself talking to a hot little number we?ll call Shawty. As the night went on I seemed to be making progress with Shawty, as my friends pounded Long Island Iced Teas and got absolutely hammered.Around midn...
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Bombs Over September (Part II of II)
2007-12-02 03:11:00
Bombs Over September (Part I of II)Toward the end of the year I developed the itch in a bad way ? senioritis, that is. On the morning of May 3, 2002, Big Easy and I planned our escape from school for the first showing of Spider-Man. We produced an elaborate plan just in case the security guard stopped us on our way out. When second period ended we each left our respective classes and nervously headed for the front door. Big Easy was about 20 feet in front of me. Please don?t look back and make us look suspicious. We escaped unharmed and saw Spider-Man in a packed theater. ?I wish I was bitten by a super spider,? Big Easy said when it ended.I had a collection of homework assignments due in my calculus class later that day. I left them with a friend to turn in for me, along with a note that read: ?I had to go see Spider-Man. Please don?t punish me. Actually, today is my last day of physical therapy. After 15 ½ months I?m finally done.? I finished the note with a smiley face.Fifteen an...
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Hardest Hitting Safety in the Land
2007-11-28 18:06:00
Much like other Washington Redskins fans and non-fans living in the DC Metro area, I was deeply saddened by the loss of our star safety, Sean Taylor, early Tuesday morning. This community seems to be in a state of mourning ? Sean was the front page story of The Washington Post both yesterday and today. I never knew him, spoke to him or saw him, and probably never would, but somehow it still feels like I lost a friend.This is the saddest I can remember being in a while. That in itself sounds a little crazy. I mean, he was just a football player, right? Correction: he was just a former All-American safety with a combination of speed, leaping ability, strength and hitting power that we?ve never seen before, right?I can?t speak for why the thousands of other fans have taken his death so hard. I can only speak for myself. And to be honest, this is a new experience for me. In that past I?d feel bad certainly, but I wouldn?t feel the kind of sadness I do now. In fact, I?d probably laugh at...
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