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A Ranting and Raving: The Event Characterized as the First Moment of Non-Ex
2008-04-09 03:22:00
We don’t know how much time we will have on this planet, yet too many of us continue to live in fear of this inevitable event. I can’t say that I’m not afraid or even that I am afraid because I simply don’t understand it. All we know of it are its residual ...
More About: Event , Moment

Guilty Gambling
2008-03-31 03:18:00
Today I decided it would be a grand idea to venture down to Atlantic City, NJ. What started off as a fun, temperated trip turned into a cesspool of mental anguish stemming from guilt. Needless to say, I gambled away more money than I had originally planned. It is such a terrible ...
More About: Gambling , Guilty

Restless Legs at Work
2008-03-26 01:48:00
In some areas of my life, I couldn’t ask for an inkling more, in fact, I’ve never been happier in some aspects. I have a wonderful, healthy relationship with the woman of my dreams, I’ve got a roof over my head, and I have my health at this present moment; however, some things I ...
More About: Work , Legs , Restless

Caught in the Crossfire
2008-01-30 02:32:00
I had a pretty crazy dream last night that caused me to wake up rather violently at 1:26 AM today. I was down the shore somewhere driving down the street. I saw a police car gaining on me rather fast with their sirens a-blazing, so I pulled over to the side of the ...
More About: Caught

A Life Update!
2008-01-28 05:27:00
I express in words just how happy I’ve been lately. Like a well-constructed puzzle, my life just seemed to come together ever-so perfectly in “the end.” I say “the end” because, while there are so many new beginnings, there are also many things that have come to a screeching halt. I recently ...
More About: Life , Update

When Your Addicted Mind Meets Your Logical Mind
2007-07-31 06:16:00
Lately, I’ve heard my disease talking, but only come to realize it about 30 minutes ago. After an NA meeting I attended tonight, I talked with two guys who were around my age or perhaps one year younger, about a variety of topics ranging from addiction to politics. It was a very intriguing conversation, and ...
More About: Mind , Logic , Logical , Logi , Addicted

Marilyn Monroe-Influenced Philosophy of Relationships and Love
2007-07-16 07:14:00
There are people in this world that bring out the best in you and others that bring out the worst. Marilyn Monroe said, “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then ...
More About: Philosophy , Relationships , Love

Turning the Tables — When a Loved One is an Addict
2007-07-13 04:57:00
With each passing day, my life gets a little better and my addiction goes further into remission, but it seems as though a few people very close to me are headed down the path of destruction I once took. Since these people are close to me, I can’t take a step back and detach myself as the typical therapist would. I know what steps need to be taken in order to quell temptation and put addiction six feet under; however, addiction is like a zombie, it can come back to life at any moment unless it is buried and secured in its coffin. The gravestone serves as a reminder of what was once very much real to us, and that it still lurks below the surface so we always need to be careful. For some people the gravestone is an AA or NA meeting, and for others it might be reading old journal entries or simply reminiscing. I look at these people very close to me, and I remember where I once was and just how far I have come since then. I realize how much pain I caused those who loved and cared...
More About: Tables , Turn , Dash , Addict

Women: Can?t Live With ?Em, Can?t Kill ?Em
2007-07-04 05:39:00
A lot has happened since my last post. I’ll discuss the one thing that’s been on my mind all this time first. I just need to get it all out. So a little more than two weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me; however, we decided not to be with any people until we ...
More About: Women , Live , Kill

Am I an alcoholic? ?or are you?
2007-06-26 05:23:00
I’ve spent entirely too much time thinking about life over the past few days. I went to three AA meetings during the course of the weekend that just passed, and I am beginning to doubt my belonging there. I suppose I could just substitute the word alcohol with opiates, and alcoholic with drug addict, but ...

Tales of a First-Timer at AA [Needing to Control Everything]
2007-06-23 06:01:00
Last night before I went to bed, everything inside of me was telling me to get out there and goto a meeting of some sort. I have never been to any AA or NA meeting except when I was in the community hospital detoxing. The only reason I went was because I basically had nothing ...
More About: Tales , Timer , Control , Thing , Tale

Dharma Punx by Noah Levine
2007-06-07 20:41:00
For the past few days, I have not been able to put down this book! As stated in the title of this blog, the book is called Dharma Punx, and is written by a man named Noah Levin e. As a youth, Levine was a punk rocker with an excess of aggression, and anger, which led ...
More About: Harm , Arma

Lessons of the Past [6/2/04]
2007-06-06 18:23:00
In high school, I thought history was pointless. I believed we should be learning things that can be applied to the real world. Little did I know that there is a profound purpose for learning about events of the past, and it is not at all a bad thing unless it completely hinders our relationship ...
More About: Past , Less , Sons , Lesson , Lessons

Staying on the Path of Least Destruction
2007-06-03 21:19:00
Last night, I accompanied my girlfriend to a house in Chalfont where she babysits two little girls. After my girlfriend put the little bundles of joy down to sleep, we sat in the living room, watching TV, and enjoying the company of one another. I noticed my phone ringing a few times, but I decided ...
More About: Destruction , Stay , Path

Is Suboxone a miracle drug?
2007-05-22 20:27:00
I constantly hear people bashing Suboxone , and then I hear many folks praising it as their one-and-only savior. With anything and everything in life, some things will work for one group of people, and another thing for the others. Opioid addiction continues to be perhaps the longest, hardest, and most defining battle of my life. ...
More About: Miracle , Drug , Mira

One of the few things D.A.R.E. got right ? ?I can control my drug use? is a
2007-05-21 20:52:00
A close friend of mine recently informed me about my denial of starting smoking again. I stopped using the nicotine patch after using it for a month and a half, and five days later, I had a fit of panic, and bought a new box of patches. I figured it was either go back on ...
More About: Things , Drug , Control , Thing , Drug Use

Phase III Clinical Trials for BEMA? Fentanyl reported to be positive
2007-05-17 00:01:00
According to Drug Delivery Technology, a magazine, BioDelivery Sciences International, Inc. announced positive results for BEMA? Fentanyl, a drug intended for use in cancer patients with breakthrough pain. BEMA? Fentanyl is a small polymer disc-shaped pill, which when taken, dissolves, and is absorbed through the buccal membranes. Buccal mucosa are mucous membrane located on the ...
More About: Tria , Clinical Trials , Repo , Trials , Positive

What false claims did Purdue make and where is the money going?
2007-05-13 23:36:00
After reading a dozen articles on the Purdue Pharma scandal, I started wondering what the company lied about, and exactly how it was worded. I came across an article which revealed just that. Sales representatives were trained to give false information, some of which is as follows: Made false claim that the oxycodone was very difficult ...
More About: Money , Here , Make , Claims , Where

Purdue fined $634.5 million dollars, a small victory for a misled public.
2007-05-10 23:47:00
Two days ago, I was having a near-panic attack in Rite Aid about not having any nicotine, and went back on Step 3 of the nicotine patch again. I feel like a failure, though not a complete failure. A friend of mine was chain smoking in front of me. This friend decided he was going ...
More About: Victory , Public , Small , Urdu , Mall

Off the patch for a few days!
2007-05-08 05:46:00
I think I’ve been off the patch for four days now. Although at times I have been feeling a little bit down and tired, overall, I feel okay. My sleep has pretty much sucked lately. I wake up frequently throughout the night, but I’m almost always able to fall right back to sleep. I really ...
More About: Days , Patch

Trapped? how is Suboxone best used?
2007-05-07 23:23:00
When I was addicted to opioids, I remember always feeling like I was trapped. It was like being tied to a chair, and watching the same movie over, and over again. Then, Suboxone saved my life, but I recall eventually feeling trapped on that too… although I mostly felt freed. A lot of studies have ...
More About: Trap

Making Money with a Blog
2007-05-07 09:11:00
For as little as $16 dollars, any person with a little bit of computer knowledge can buy a domain name (yourname.com) and hosting (space to put your webpage). To sign up for a website, there are links to GODADDY.COM on the right-hand side of this page in the sidebar: “meta” links. Pick a specific topic, ...
More About: Money , Blog , King , Maki , Makin

Reaching into the past, and seeing my progress.
2007-05-07 06:26:00
I had a good day today. My girlfriend taught me how to dance… err… tried to teach me how to dance. It was quite entertaining. I want to delve into my feelings when I went into detox. I wrote the story up to the point where I entered the hospital. While cleaning up, I came ...
More About: Past , Seeing , Reach , Progress

I don?t feel special?
2007-05-03 04:06:00
Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone wants to feel that there something about them so very unique and great, that makes them worth knowing. I’ve lost that somewhere along the way. I can say I’m clean and sober, but it’s almost not enough anymore. People will tell me, “Be thankful for your health.” Newsflash! I ...
More About: Special , Feel

A gray kind of world, and my story about a day without nicotine.
2007-05-01 07:04:00
I’ve been spending too much time doing all the wrong things, but I’m not saying that the things I’ve been doing are bad. I should be spending more time working on my webpages, and trying to find new ways to make money, but I only end up spending a few hours on them. Ever since ...
More About: World , Story , My Story , Stor , Nicotine

Nicotine Patch Nightmares
2007-04-27 06:06:00
Holy crap. I forgot to talk about my dream, I mean the nightmare I had last night. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be paid by one of my clients today, so I left the patch on overnight. I wanted to keep nicotine in me as long as possible to avoid any unpleasant ...
More About: Patch , Mare , Nightmares , Mares , Nicotine

I?m not a narc. Drug addiction isn?t always a choice!
2007-04-27 03:00:00
It seems that lately my name has been mentioned a few times as a potential “narc,” though I can assure each and every person out there that I am anything but that! I may harbor negative feelings toward a person who was recently arrested, but I want no part of the drug scene. Last night, ...
More About: Addiction , Choice , Drug , Choi , Narc

Eric Clapton, the American Way, Flavored Camels, and a Lifesaver
2007-04-25 19:48:00
“Nobody knows you when you’re down and out,” says Mr. Clapton. I have a different problem. I’m finally good, and nobody seems to know me. Is it better to be on drugs, and have a lot of people to get high with, or sit alone and do other things? Fuck drugs. I’d rather just spend ...
More About: American , Eric Clapton , Save , Camel , Flavor

Happiness, the Nicotine Patch vs. Suboxone, and the Importance of Additiona
2007-04-24 22:16:00
The weather’s nice, my girlfriend is amazing, I officially work for myself, and I’m pretty broke. I can honestly say that I’m not depressed. Dare I say I am happy? I truly am. For once, I am actually embracing my happiness instead of waiting for something to come along and ruin it. Being happy used ...
More About: Happiness , Patch , Ness , Nicotine , Import

I Am An Asshole
2007-04-04 21:00:00
I am an asshole. Sometimes, I love myself, love my personality, and love the world and everyone in it. Then other times, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Since I quit drugs, I’ve been back and forth between content and depressed. It’s ...
More About: Hole , Asshole