Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha!Had a stressful day? Tired? Bored? Need relaxation? Want some fun in your life? Want to smile or laugh like nuts? If your answer is a yes, then visit this blog. It is filled with all that tickles.I have handpicked some of the most hilarious jokes tha Articles
A puzzled blond
2007-10-19 15:38:00 A blonde calls her boyfriend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."Her boyfriend asks: "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde says: "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."He takes her hand and says: "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh,........... . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." More About: Blond
A cardiologist's funeral
2007-10-19 10:32:00 A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist.'The proctologist fainted. More About: Logi , Funeral
A little book of laughs
2007-10-19 09:27:00 Dear friends! I have compiled a book called "A little book of laughs". This book contains 100 laughs (a few funny pics and more than 90 jokes). This book contains mostly new jokes (by new I mean not present on this blog; although a few may be duplicate).I work very hard to bring some laughter to your lives. You must have observed a request for donation on this blog. Its been up for some time now; but, regrettably, so far not a single cent has been donated. I am jobless at present. I need some help in the form of donations. To motivate readers into donating I came up with this book.How can you get this book? Just donate anything you feel like donating and send me an email stating that you have made a donation (amount does not matter) and I will send you the book as an attachment.I would have liked to give the book away as a free gift to the readers of this blog but as I have stated above, I do need a little financial assistance from you. So I have left it unto you to decide its worth... More About: Book , Laugh
An artful doctor
2007-10-19 07:39:00 An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display."I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied."Give me the good news first," the artist demanded."The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.""That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could possibly be the bad news?"With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor." More About: Doctor
Kidney transplant
2007-10-18 16:24:00 A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.“I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced.Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said.“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said.Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferrari's,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?”“Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.” More About: Kidney , Tran
Birds identification
2007-10-18 15:42:00 Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, cru... More About: Birds , Identification
A new disease
2007-10-18 13:18:00 Doctor Nick walks into his office to talk to a patient.He looks at the patient and says: “I have good news and bad news. Which would you like?”“The good news,” the patient says.“Well, the good news is we’re gonna name a disease after you.” More About: Disease
Funny marriage quotes
2007-10-18 11:22:00 “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” — Henny Youngman“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield“You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.” — Henny YoungmanMarriage is an attempt to solve problems together that you wouldn’t have had in the first place if you’d stayed single. More About: Funny , Quotes
Teeth sharing
2007-10-18 07:50:00 A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at Burger King. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth." More About: Teeth , Sharing , Shari , Hari
23 lightbulb jokes
2007-10-18 06:07:00 Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.Q: How many DIY’ers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two -one to screw it in and another to sponsor him.Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. Atheists question whether it’s really light anyway.Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Just one, but it takes nine visits.Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One hundred - one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren’t chosen.Q: How many MAC owners does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but he’d have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which cost extra.Q: How many PC owners does it take to scre... More About: Jokes
Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention
2007-10-14 06:19:00 A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago.”He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that Ihave learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”“Well, she explained, “one popular myth is that African American men are the most... More About: Homa
Why you can’t send a woman to a hardware store?
2007-10-14 05:38:00 Earl was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.When Carl was finished, Mary asked “How much for the teapot?”Carl replied, “That’s silver and it costs $300!”“My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!” Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.From the back room Carl yelled, “Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?”Mary replied, “No, but I will for the teapot.” More About: Hardware , Store , Woman , Send , A Woman
I am a dynamic figure
2007-10-14 05:07:00 This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to NYU where he now attends.3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.Using only a hoe and a large glass... More About: Figure , Dynamic , Nami
A bitch that ran out of gas
2007-10-14 04:31:00 A little girl asked her mom, “Mom may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”Mom replies, “No, because she’s in heat.”“What’s that mean?” asked the child.“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on a leash and only go around the block once.”The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.” More About: Bitch
Old horny professor
2007-10-14 03:46:00 When the math professor’s wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband:My dearest wife,We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you’re reading this, I’m in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I’ll be home before midnight.Your husband, who will never stop loving you.When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:My beloved husband,You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you’re reading this, I am in a hotel room with the 18-ye... More About: Horny , Horn , Fess
Congress wisdom
2007-10-14 03:28:00 Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Of... More About: Wisdom
The dead golfer
2007-10-14 02:57:00 One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny.As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?""Throw me my 7-iron," Jim shouts back. "I just realized you can't get out of here with an 8-iron!" More About: Dead
You know I don't smoke
2007-10-13 21:32:00 This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis."No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke." More About: Smoke
I don't have to laugh
2007-10-13 21:22:00 The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously."What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humour?""I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday." More About: Laugh
What are lesbians?
2007-10-13 21:00:00 A man is sitting at a bar and see two lovely women across the room. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."The man says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."The bartender brings the drinks to the women and they acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. A little while later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"The first lady says, "We're lesbians."The man says, "Lesbians ? What are lesbians?"The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick vagina's."The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
Hi Bill!
More articles from this author:2007-10-13 20:55:00 One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid figured it was better than nothing and bought it.When she took it back to the White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said “Too old, too old” -- the First Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it.A little bit after that Chelsea came in and the parrot said, “Too young, too young.”A couple hours later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped enthusiastically, “Hi Bill ! Hi Bill!” 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
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