Miss Cellania Miss Cellania Humor, links, and videos on a different subject each day. You won't know how funny it is til you check it out! If I could, I've give a hug and a shot of Southern Comfort to every visitor. Articles
Dr. Strangelove
2008-06-06 07:38:00 Throughout my childhood, it seemed like the world could end at any moment. We laughed through our atomic bomb drills, because we knew full well they were useless. We sat up straight every time we heard the Emergency Broadcast System test tone. And we pondered the day the Russians would drop the big one. We didn’t consider it a matter of “if”, but of “when”. Dr. Strangelove took those feelings and shone a spotlight on them. It was nice to laugh at our mutually-assured destruction, if only for a couple of hours. The movie seemed so plausible even with the dark absurdities, thanks to the very real ridiculousness of the Cold War itself and the comic genius of Peter Sellers. Dr. Strangelove in Lego. Dr. Strangelove scenes recreated from household items. (via Boing Boing) Dr. Strangelove is the perfect movie to illustrate this song. Bigger is Better: 7 Insane Soviet Projects. The Soviet Doomsday Machine revisit... More About: Movies
Sex Therapy
2008-06-06 03:07:00 A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’ The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’ The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’ He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’ The man says, &lsqu... More About: Therapy
Legendary Ladies of Burlesque
2008-06-05 18:56:00 Over at YBNBY, see a collection of videos from the 40s and 50s featuring Lily St. Cyr, Gypsy Rose Lee, Blaze Starr, Candy Barr, Betty Page, and more. NSFW. More About: Ladies
Time Machine
2008-06-05 06:04:00 One would think that time travel should be a lot of fun. Zip back to that day you made a bad career move, or let the perfect mate go, and zip back to the present... and find out you’ve got a whole new set of problems you’ve inadvertently caused. Go back and fix that, and find out someone else had made some changes in the past that screwed up your best-laid plans. Or you could visit the future and grab some lottery numbers, but you might also find out news you’d just as soon not know. Or maybe there is some kind of structure to the fabric of time that makes such changes impossible even if you could move back and forth. International Association of Time Travelers: Members' Forum. Everyone kills Hitler on their first trip. Don’t bother; it’ll be fixed. Cases of alleged time travelers. (via JTR Forums) Professor Xenit visits from the future. Watch those buttons! (Thanks, Jabberwocky!) ... More About: Machine , Science Fiction , Time Machine
What Makes Indiana Jones So Sexy?
2008-06-05 03:21:00 PeopleJam presents the Indiana Jones ' Crash Course in Wooing Women. It takes a look at what makes Indiana Jones so sexy. Sure, it’s the total package, but they identify som aspects that are right on. In fact, the only thing that could make Indiana Jones sexier to women is if Johnny Depp played him. I could go for that. More About: Movies , Sexy
Gunfighter in Training
2008-06-05 03:02:00 The young dude in the Old West wanted to be the fastest gunfighter alive. Sitting in a saloon one night, he spotted an old graybeard who had the reputation of having been the greatest gunslinger of his day. The kid went up to the old man and told him of his dream. The ancient legend looked him up and down and said, "I got a suggestion that's sure to help." "Tell me, Tell me!" said the young dude. "Tie the bottom of your holster lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "You damn betcha," said the old man. The kid did as he was told, drew his gun, and neatly shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped! Got any more suggestions?" "Yeah - If'n you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun'll slide out a lot smoother." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "You damn betcha." The dude did as he was told, then dr... More About: Training , Western
Civil War Planes
2008-06-04 18:38:00 Sometimes I wonder what the requirements are for newspaper work. I could be a proofreader, but newspapers obviously haven't budgeted for that position. More About: History , Civil War , Civil , Planes
The Truth About Internet Dating
2008-06-04 16:36:00 The entire truth is told in one cartoon. It warmed my heart, then brought a tear to my eye (sorta), because it’s so true. I would like to know who the artist is. More About: Truth , Internet , Dating , Lovelife , The Truth
Large Family
2008-06-04 09:29:00 There was a preacher who's wife was having a baby, so he went to his congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever a preacher's family expanded, so would his pay check.After 6 children this started to get expensive, and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children would cost the church.Finally the preacher got up and spoke tothe crowd, "Children are a gift from God,” he said.Silence fell on the congregation.In a back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”And the congregation said, "Amen"(via Phil’s Phun) More About: Family , Kids , Large
Cubicle Rage
2008-06-04 06:48:00 This is insane. But some jobs will drive you crazy. Security cameras catch the whole sordid thing, unfortunately without audio. More About: Rage , Working
Chick Flicks
2008-06-04 06:08:00 When it comes to chick flicks, it’s not the happy endings we remember the best. My favorites have always ended sadly: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, West Side Story, Love Story, The Way We Were, Sommersby, Steel Magnolias, Titanic... well, I never saw Titanic, but I know how it ends. I was there in history class. Compared to these, romantic comedies all start to look the same. Sex and the City was the big movie release last weekend, and so far there has been more press about it than actual ticket sales. I’m not familiar with the show, since I don’t have HBO, but from reading the ‘net this last week, you’d think I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t know all about it. From what I’ve heard, it’s no Casablanca. Sex and the City Through a Man's Eyes. Sex and the City Is a Movie? No Thank You. Rejected Sex and The City Movie Posters. The quest for emotional satisfaction is every bit as superficial and shal... More About: Movies , Chick
Deer Hunt Damage
2008-06-04 02:54:00 A deer hunter was out enjoying a nice day out in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buck shot." "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your manly part I'm going to have to refer you to my brother." "Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the man replied "is your brother a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly. he's a flute player in the local symphony. He's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye" (via Phil’s Phun) More About: Deer , Damage , Hunt
Gold Digger
2008-06-03 06:08:00 Some say that all relationships are a tradeoff, since women want security and men want sex. A man who has more money can afford a more attractive sex partner. A woman who looks good can choose among men who have something to offer (like a trust fund). Whether all relationships are like this depends on how closely you look at it, since a cynical eye can reduce all relationships down to concrete terms. Men without money often manage to find a woman, so does that go against the rule, or is it just a matter of supply and demand? Maybe some women find security in something besides money... security against being alone, perhaps. But there's no doubt a lot of relationships are transactions on one level or another. A man makes it big and trades his college sweetheart in for a young trophy wife. Young women in far-flung nations are willing to marry anyone as long as he's American (and presumable rich in their eyes). A woman's attraction to a man is affected, consciously or not, when she f... More About: Gold , Gold Digger
More Videos
2008-06-03 04:33:00 They're everywhere! Videos I've posted elsewhere that you might enjoy.Big Buck Bunny. A cute and clever animation made with the open source software Blender.Porno Italiano. Probably NSFW.A Cup of Brown Joy. The British do love their tea, don’t they?Big Daddy Driver. The perfect Fathers Day gift. Ha!Show Me Your Genitals. A song for the ladies.Baboons Doing Cartwheels. Not an animation! More About: Links
Know Your Booze!
2008-06-03 03:37:00 89%DRUNKARD I guess I did rather well. How about you? Leave your score in the comments. alcohol quiz More About: Drink , Booze
Courage
2008-06-03 02:32:00 Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces." "Ha!" said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it." Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute." "Yes, Sir!!!" the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!" and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact. "That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style." "Yes, Sir!!!" the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg ... More About: Working
Self Image
2008-06-02 21:18:00 From Creature Comforts. It just gets funnier as it goes. The last line is the best! (via Mookie) More About: Image
Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders
2008-06-02 20:18:00 Jobmob has the 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever! You can never proofread a resume too many times, although obviously some of these people really don’t want a job. Here’s a taste: Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.” (Resumania) A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages” (Ask Annie’s) Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” (Resumania) In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” she wrote “911.” (Ask Annie’s) Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager’s gift. (Careerbuilder.com) Languages: “Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.” (Resumania) “Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.”
Strange and Wonderful Vending Machines
2008-06-02 19:28:00 You name it, and somewhere there’s a place where you can buy it right out of a machine! Marijuana, live bait, toilet paper...Let’s take a look at some of the weirder vending machines you can stick your money into. Disclaimer: I wrote this. More About: Machines , Strange , Wonderful , Vending
Kung Fu Panda vs. Iron Man
2008-06-02 19:09:00 Jack Black, Ben Stiller, and Robert Downey Jr. try to figure out how to make a viral video. From the MTV Movie Awards last night. Oh yeah, some people won awards. More About: Panda , Iron Man , Kung Fu , Iron , Kung
Animal Prosthetics: A Leg Up on a Bad Break
2008-06-02 10:09:00 In the last few years, more and more disabled creatures of different species are being helped by modern technology, and by the researchers and volunteers who go the extra mile. Mental_floss has several cases of animals with prosthetics, from little birds to elephants. Here is one reaction to this story that you must read for its incredible cuteness. Disclaimer: I wrote this article. Anytime you see this disclaimer, that means please go read it! More About: Animal , Break , Critters , Prosthetics
Viva Calaca!
2008-06-02 09:01:00 An animation project by artist Ritxi Ostáriz based on the Mexican Day of the Dead. Original music by Voltaire. (via I Am Bored) More About: Music , Scary , Viva
Incredible Edibles
2008-06-02 06:09:00 The more I think about it, the more excited I am about changing the format of Miss Cellania. So I’m starting today. Since I still have a ton of files, I will continue with the “topic of the day” for a while, but they will be somewhat shorter as time goes on, and you’ll see more posts on different things during the day. The shorter items will be a combination of classic stuff that everyone should see sooner or later and new items I find around the net. This is an experiment, so please let me know what you think as the summer goes by. By the time the girls are back in school, I’ll decide which direction this blog will go. I will still focus on the funny. For political, science, and information links, go to Miss C Recommends. You’ll also find the video of the day there and full-length feature films about three times a week. Meanwhile, enjoy some links and stuff about food. I’ve Never Harmed an Onion The Wei... More About: Food , Incredible
Generation X
2008-06-01 06:05:00 April sent me an email thing that was supposed to make you fee all nostalgic for children's toys and other fads of the 70s and 80s. I couldn't relate at all, because I was an adult in that time period. She managed to make me feel quite ancient, again. She was listening to some CDs the other day, and that old familiar riff came on, "Under Pressure" by Davd Bowie and Queen. But it was "Ice Ice Baby" and we remarked about how OLD the song was. (chorus: how old was it?) April tried to remember which GRADE she was in when the song was hot. I tried to remember who I was married to. We finally looked it up... 1990. Vanillla Ice's song is 16 years old. It could get a driver's liscence. And I think I will go take another dose of Geritol. And put a blanket over my legs. Things other people did when they were your age. In case you needed another reason to be depressed. (Thanks, Del!) The Institute of Official Cheer will remind you of some of ... More About: History , Generation , Generation X
May 31 Links 2008
2008-05-31 06:04:00 I’m seriously thinking about changing this blog and its format. The “topic a day” is easy to do, but doing several posts a day with only one item could be much more lucrative. The way I’m doing it now, I don’t get the links needed to bring in the traffic and the ad clicks. Look at Neatorama. Alex started that blog in August 2005, the same month I started this one. Now it’s huge and profitable, while this one barely pays its own expenses. I’ve been sorta doing that kind of thing with Miss C Recommends, and I enjoy doing it. This site would stay with the funny stuff, though. This week, I posted my very first feature article with 100% original content, Hillbilly Recycling. Although it got some nice comments, it was totally flat by mental_floss standards. It was my first mental_floss article that didn’t get submitted to Digg this year! So I’ll stick with researching and leave my personal life as a small part of my own sites. ... More About: Links , 2008
Elders
2008-05-30 06:42:00 I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last weekend and enjoyed it. There’s been a hue and cry from the 30-something internet geeks about “implausibility” (as if the other films were plausible) but I think it’s mostly a “don’t mess with my childhood icons” reaction. My kids were shocked that Indy was so old, but they weren’t expecting it. They’d only seen the first three films in the last couple of years! Personally, I was happy to see Harrison Ford gray and wrinkly and still sexy as hell. (OK, you young folks can all say “ewww” right now and get it over with.) But the best part? WARNING: SPOILER AHEAD. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW, SKIP TO THE VIDEO. OK, it’s this. Indy gets married. And not to some young buxom blonde, oh no... he marries a lady of a certain age whom he had a relationship with decades ago. That’s an implausible but satisfying ending. A while later, I realized I have b... More About: Old Age
Gas Pains
More articles from this author:2008-05-29 06:01:00 It occurred to me the other day that back when I first started driving, I could earn enough to fill my tank by working one hour at my minimum-wage job. Now I make way more than minimum wage (which has also risen), and it takes me about five hours of work to fill my gas tank. Granted, I have a bigger gas tank now in the Mamamobile, but that because I'm supporting a family. I also figured I am driving a LOT less now than when I was a teenager running the roads just to see where they went. Now I'm going to get all sentimotional about those days... (sniff) Excuse me, I'm feeling somewhat verklempt. Take a moment and read these jokes, and I'll try to pull myself together. (update: in the two years since this was written, gas prices have soared. Now it takes ten hours of minimum wage work to fill the tank!) Find the cheapest gas prices in your city. If you don't live in a city, that's too bad! If that doesn't work, try this one. (Thanks, Beth!) Is it worth the extra gas to dr... More About: Transportation 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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