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The Comment Game
2008-05-09 09:01:00
I'm off to the boat for a long weekend and wanted to have something for you to do if you dropped by. What's better than getting to play the comment game? So play nice and I'll see you Sunday.Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.First comment: Hamburgers or Hot Dogs?
More About: Game , Comment

George W. and The Queen
2008-05-08 09:01:00
President George W . Bush was representing the United States of America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England. The President joined Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through the streets of London en route to Buckingham Palace, and the Queen and the President were waving to the cheering throngs.Then suddenly the right rear horse produced a thunderous fart that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach, sending a horse-shit stench blowing through the coach. Uncomfortable, the two powerful figures try to focus their attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened.But the Queen realized that ignoring what had just happened would be ridiculous. She explained: "Mr. President, please accept my regrets - I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."George W. replied, "No need to be ashamed, your ma...
More About: The Queen

Explorer in the Amazon
2008-05-07 09:01:00
Once there was an explorer lost in the deepest part of the Amazon . After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and then there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."So the explorer looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashed the life out of the chief. He stands on the chief, triumphant, huffing and puffing, with the bloody stone in his hand, while the tribesmen are in shock and disbelief.Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're screwed."
More About: Explorer

World Rule Tag
2008-05-06 19:51:00
Stine of Mother's Got A Dot Com tagged me with the World Rule meme. Here's the challenge:If you were the ruler of the world and you could have anything you wanted as well as have people do anything you wanted, do you think you would get greedy and mean or would you be a good and fair ruler?RULES: This question came from ?The Kids Book of Questions? by Gregory Stock, PH.D. To play along: Answer the question above on your blog (Remember: Don?t respond as you think others want you to. Respond the way you actually feel!) Add your site name and link to the list below then pass the tag! I am now the supreme ruler of the world and I decree:There will be world peace. Those that do not adhere to world peace will find themselves exiled from the rest of the human race. There will be no gangs, no criminal activity, or other fighting factions. This includes religious fighting. In other words, there will be a waring world and a peaceful world. We may share the same planet, but the waring world ...
More About: Meme

My Favorite Bumper Stickers
2008-05-06 09:01:00
Horn broken. Watch for finger.Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.All generalizations are false.Cover me. I'm changing lanes.I brake for no apparent reason.Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.I'm not as think as you drunk I am.Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal.We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?He who laughs last thinks slowest.Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
More About: Bumper , Stickers , Favorite

Tags, Tags and More Tags
2008-05-05 22:04:00
I'm WAY behind in the tag department and I'd better get them done before I end up in some dungeon other than Mimi's famous dungeon. The first tag is from Travis of Trav's Thoughts who decided he wanted to create a meme (Trav's Trivia Meme ) of his very own. He's also got a dungeon to stay out of. Everyone that knows me knows I hate dungeons.Here's your 'structions:Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to:Choose a category from one of these: Television, Stage & Screen, Nightly News, Publishing, Lives & Times, Music Find 8 bits of trivia about your selected category Be sure to let me know when...ok, if...you decide to play along so I can see what you come up with; and You may tag, or simply offer the meme for borrowing or stealing as you like.I decided to go with the top eight Yahoo news stories today.Clemens apologizes for ?mistakes in personal life?- Roger Clemens apologized Monday for unspecified mistakes in his personal life but denied having an affair ...
More About: Tags

The Accident Report
2008-05-05 09:01:00
Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed by a bricklayer:"I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You ask for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I was working alone on the roof of a six-story building. When I completed my work I found I had some bricks left over which later were found to weigh 240lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135lbs.Needless to say i proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel which was proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor ab...
More About: Report , Accident

Are We There Yet? and Wading Through my Stream of Consciousness...
2008-05-03 21:40:00
What a great time I had last night. Linda of Are We There Yet? loves Mexican food, but just can't get it in Connecticut, so she traveled all the way to California for the sole purpose to getting authentic Mexican food. Okay, I'm stretching the truth here. Actually she came to visit one of her dearest friends (Cyndi) and meet a couple of blogger's along the way. Her choice of restaurant? Cancun, in downtown Stockton, California. We were not disappointed. The food was yummy and the company even better.Zane and I were the first to arrive and we knew that Katherine of Wading Through my Stream of Consciousness ..., and Teamster would be showing up along with Linda and Cyndi. All of a sudden all of us were meeting and greeting each other. It was a wonder anyone could get in or out of the front doors as we were hogging the entire foyer area. Finally we decided to find a table for six. We had a regular gabfest about anything and everything. It was awesome. Sandee, Linda and Ka...
More About: Friends

What Color Are Your Bicycle Shorts?
2008-05-03 09:01:00
Why bicycle shorts are always black! And not red...Click on pictures to biggify. Pun intended!
More About: Color , Shorts , Bicycle

Two Wolves
2008-05-02 09:01:00
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.He said, 'My son, the battle is between 2 'wolves' inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.'The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf wins?'The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
More About: Life , Wolves , Lessons

Do Not Eat Chocolate!
2008-05-01 09:01:00
We were raised on chocolate as kids and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore. This is what happens when you eat chocolate! This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about. It could happen to you...or them.Chocolate can cause... small feet!Warn everyone!!! Found this over at Weezy's Fun Zone and just had to rip it off.

Thursday Thirteen - 143rd Edition
2008-05-01 00:02:00
Thirteen folks (and two bonus) that I have ran across via Entrecard this week. How many do you know? (Listed in alphabetical order).
More About: Thirteen , Thursday , Edition

Another Scam Alert
2008-04-30 09:01:00
Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their 'mark' (or intended target) with a show of friendliness, the fourth -- the eldest -- sneaks in from behind the person's back to expertly rifle through his or her pocket or purse for any valuables.Be on the alert!! To see a recent attack that was captured on film hit the "read more" button.
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Wordless Wednesday #47
2008-04-29 19:19:00
One of the sights we saw on Sunday as we returned from our boating weekend. Our boat seemed very, very small as we passed this huge ship. Freighters are a normal sight while boating on the California Delta.
More About: Wednesday

Harley-Davidson and God
2008-04-29 09:10:00
The inventor of the Harley -Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, ?Since you?ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.?Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ?I want to hang out with God.? St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.God recognized Arthur and commented, ?Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!?Arthur said, ?Yeah, that?s me.?God commented: ?Well, what?s the big deal in inventing something that?s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can?t run without a road??Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, ?Excuse me, but aren?t you the inventor of woman??God said, ?Ah, yes.??Well,? said Arthur, ?professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: There?s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;It chatters con...
More About: Harley Davidson , Harley-Davidson

I Cherish and Savor Every Second We Share...
2008-04-29 09:01:00
Today is our 8th wedding anniversary. I married the greatest man and am truly thankful we walk through life together. A fellow blogger seems to know just how much we love each other and she often writes love poems that I swear are about our love. Who is this fellow blogger? It's Lyn of Lynda's Loft who wrote a beautiful poem for us, just as she did last year (A Special Gift). Thank you so very much Lyn. You are a wonderful blogging buddy as well as an inspiration with all your beautiful love poems. You are just the greatest. I Cherish and Savor Every Second We Share Your presence in my life is worth more than anything,It is priceless. It is the elation of my soul.I never realized what true love could bring,Until you came and made me whole...It is more than what you do, the way you do, what you do,It is more than words could ever convey,It is like perfection from the Heavens above came shining through,To enlighten and brighten my every day...There is nothing else more important to ...
More About: Friends

Sexing Your Computer
2008-04-28 09:01:00
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:Five reasons to believe computers are female:No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you". Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons...
More About: Computer , Sexing

Airline Bloopers
2008-04-27 09:01:00
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude And will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if You can light 'em, you can smoke 'em." On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane." "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, alone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"After a particularly rough l...
More About: Bloopers

Impossible Things To Say when Drunk
2008-04-26 09:01:00
Things that are difficult to say when drunk:1. Innovative2. Preliminary3. Proliferation4. CinnamonThings that are very difficult to say when drunk:1. Specificity2. Anti-constitutionalistically3. Passive-aggressive disorder4. Transubstantiate Thinks that are downright impossible to say when drunk:1. No thanks, I'm married.2. Nope, no more booze for me!3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.7. I'm not interested in fighting you.8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
More About: Drunk , Things , Impossible

Koala and the Lizard
2008-04-25 09:01:00
A koala was sitting in a gum tree... smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?" The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koalawhere they enjoyed a few joints.After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was "dry"and that he was going to get a drink from the river.The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too farover and fell into the river.A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard andhelped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,"What's the matter with you?"The little lizard explained to the crocodile that hewas sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,got too stoned and then fell into the river while going for a drink.The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walkedinto the rain forest, found the tree where the koala wassitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey you!"So the koa...
More About: Critters , Lizard , The Lizard

Race for the White House
2008-04-25 03:38:00
I don't expect to get beaten up over this post. They were sent to me by a family member and I think they are funny. Please take them for the humor intended.
More About: House , White House , White , Race , The White House

The Amish Farmer
2008-04-23 09:01:00
An Amish farmer, working his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.The Amish farmer shouts, 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means, 'Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.')The kneeling man shouts back, 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English.'The Amish farmer says, 'Use two hands, you'll get more.'
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The Evil Queen
2008-04-23 01:37:00
The evil Queen , who has just been thoroughly and irrevocably saved by a God because God was beginning to be tired of all the requests from british people to save her, is coming for a visit this weekend. I've hidden our baby girl, Prunella, because the Queen is inclined to put curses on girls because of her fierce jealousy and hatred. I'll never forget how she turned our neighbors little Princess into a Porsche.Her curses were irrevocable, and because they were cast in moments of negative mentality, such as in fits of jealous rage or what have you, they were beyond the realm of conception. So blatant and powerful were these curses that all females lived in constant fear. Many had to practically disappear from life, taking refuge in secret caverns and underground shelters. They even lived in fear of each other, suspicion had taken its toll. But even with all of the hatred contained within her black heart, there was a lone bright ray of joy...the Prince. The Queen loved him more than...
More About: Evil

Manic Monday #54 - Quake
2008-04-22 02:54:00
It was the 1989 World Series and I had tickets. It was the third game and I decided not to go. That was October 17, 1989. The day that just about every baseball fan was sitting in front of the television watching the Battle of the Bay - the Oakland Athletics and the San Franciso Giants. It was also the day that the Loma Prieta earthquake struck. A magnitude 6.9 earthquake. I was in the valley, but it was so frightening I ran outside for fear the house would collapse. It was the strongest most horrific earthquake I've ever experienced, and I've experienced many. Although there were many heartbreaking events that took place I am only going to discuss two. These are the two that affected me the most. I was glued to the television for days as all the channels were covering the quakes aftermath. I remember seeing the video of the span of the Bay Bridge that collapsed and it showed a vehicle driving into thin air. The news channels played that same video over and over. The driver of tha...
More About: Quake , Monday , Manic Monday , Manic

The Story Game
2008-04-18 13:18:00
I got this idea from Marilyn of More Random Than Average and decided to do this and the comment game this week. I just want you to have something to do if you swing by for a visit this weekend while I'm enjoying our boat. So play nice. Okay? Our last story, The Handsome Prince, was awesome.Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. Next week I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everybody who participates under the heading, "Contributing Authors". If you have lots of blogs and want me to link one in particular let me know. (www.your url.com in parenthesis might be a nice hint) You can play as many times as you want and the game will run all weekend. Thanks for playing along.Here's the start:The Evil Queen...
More About: Story , Game , The Story

The Comment Game
2008-04-17 09:01:00
I'm off to the boat for a long weekend and wanted to have something for you to do if you dropped by. What's better than getting to play the comment game? So play nice and I'll see you Sunday.Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.First comment: Pork Ribs or Beef Ribs?
More About: Friends , Game , Comment

The Cruise...
2008-04-16 20:44:00
We are off for a long weekend on our boat along with lots of other boating buddies. This is our first cruise-in and being that I am the port captain I have much work to do. It's my job to get the boats in safely to our destination and get everyone off the docks when the weekend is over. In other words we're first in and last out all year long. We will be playing in Rio Vista from Thursday through Sunday.Here's the run-up of Comedy Plus posts during my absense thanks to the "Blogger in Draft" feature. On Thursday there is the Comment Game and on Friday there is the Story Game. So please visit often and play both games. I'd appreciate it. I won't be finishing up the Story Game until Tuesday or so, so make it a good one like The Handsome Prince. You'll be missed. Hugs to all. Oh, I should leave you with a joke, so here goes...Little Johnny Strikes Again...The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my ...
More About: Boating , Cruise

The Divorce Letter
2008-04-16 09:01:00
Dear Husband:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!Have a great life! Your EX-WifeDear Ex-WifeNothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from ...
More About: Divorce , Letter

Manic Monday #53 - Bud
2008-04-16 03:10:00
Manic Monday Participants1. Idaho Daily Photo2. MAGGIE AT COFFEESHOPMAFIA3. Jamie4. BALITANG KALYE5. Rebecca of Sunnybrook6. CrAzY Working Mom7. Lois8. Lyn9. Reba10. Alice11. Travis12. Amazing Gracie13. Jantics14. Jantrails15. Jannaverse16. AnthonyNorth17. Gattina18. Stine19. DrillerAA20. maryt/theteach21. star827822. Casto Creations23. Nancy Liedel - The Goat Rodeo24. Vashonnte25. WillThink4Wine26. Wood n' Whimsy27. Sassy Mama Bear28. Kimmie29. Linda30. Anndi31. SanniLearn more about Manic Monday here.View More Manic Monday ParticipantsPowered by... Mister Linky's Magical Widgets.
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Men Can't Win!
2008-04-15 09:01:00
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.If you appreciate the ...