Comedy Plus Comedy Plus Life is too serious and I prefer to just laugh about anything and everything. Very little is sacred to me, I mean very little. If you like poking fun at men, women, kids, blondes, Articles
Tweaking My Side-bar
2008-04-14 22:18:00 As some of you know I've been trying to clean up my side-bar so my blog will load quicker. I keep deleting stuff and the last group to exit my side-bar is my buddies list, link exchange and all my labels. Now I didn't get rid of them, I just moved them to a post so they aren't part of loading the blog anymore. Let me know how I did here. Is my page loading faster? Sorry about loading your reader with all these extra posts, but it's the only way I figured I could pull this off. Have a great day. More About: Side , Tweaking
Actual Newspaper Headlines
2008-04-13 09:01:00 Crack Found on Governor's DaughterSomething Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert SaysPolice Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersIs There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes OverMiners Refuse to Work after DeathJuvenile Court to Try Shooting DefendantWar Dims Hope for PeaceIf Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last AwhileCold Wave Linked to TemperaturesEnfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect HomicideRed Tape Holds Up New BridgesMan Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery ChargeNew Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in SpacecraftKids Make Nutritious SnacksLocal High School Dropouts Cut in HalfHospitals are Sued by 7 Foot DoctorsMy personal favorite...Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead More About: Headlines , Newspaper
The Most Famous Man
2008-04-12 09:01:00 The teacher said, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."Then a French boy put his hand up and said, "It was Napoleon." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Pierre, that's not right either."Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Daniel, come up here and I'll give you the $20."As the teacher was giving Daniel his money, she said, "You know Daniel, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Daniel replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business." More About: Famous
Shit Happens...
2008-04-11 09:01:00 Eighth Place - In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.Seventh Place - A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.Sixth Place - While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.Fifth Place - Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hi... More About: Shit
Awards
2008-04-10 22:14:00 Zenaida of Verb awarded me with the Toadally Awesome! award. Thank you so very much.I'm passing this award to everyone in my buddy list. Gratefullivin of Gratitude Journal awarded me the Circle of Friends award. I really think this is an awesome award as I certainly have lots of female friends that I hold near and dear to my heart. Here's what has been said about this award: I have lots of girls in my circle and decided that they all needed to know that someone cares about them and appreciate the difference they make in my life. If you are here it may be because I tagged you as one of the girls in my circle! If I didn?t tag you , no offense intended. Tag! You?re it! Consider yourself tagged.? I am going to say TAG to anyone who wants to play along! I consider the ?Grateful Gals? a huge part of my circle so please play if you like. The reason these girls are a must read for me?.. They are always encouraging, looking for the possibilities instead of pitfalls. Aproaching Life with ... More About: Awards
The If I Were Meme...
2008-04-10 19:46:00 Mimi of Mimi Writes aka: Mimi Queen of Meme s has tagged me for the If I Were Meme. Again she has threatened me with her dungeon so I'm not taking any chances. Even she won't visit her own dungeon so it really must be a horrible place. According to her I cannot be placed in the dungeon for all of April if I complete this meme. Sounds fair to me. On with the show.If I were a direction I?d be... North for up. Up for positive.If I were furniture I?d be... Solid wood. Sturdy and strong.If I were a liquid I?d be... Champagne because it tickles my nose.If I were a gem/stone I?d be... Sapphire because it's my birthstone.If I were a metal I?d be... Gold because it is precious.If I were a tree I?d be... Oak because it is a symbol of strength and endurance.If I were a flower I?d be a... Wildflower because it is free.If I were a fruit I'd be... Strawberries because they go so well with chocolate.If I were weather I?d be... Mild and warm like spring.If I were a music instrument I?d be... Te...
Mimi's Message In a Bottle - Round Two
2008-04-10 03:59:00 Mimi the Queen of Meme 's has decided to do 'Round Two' of Mimi's Message In a Bottle . She knows how terrified I am of her dungeon, so she knows that I'm going to play along. Here's my message in a bottle.Here's What Mimi has to say about this meme:Somewhere in a faraway bloggiverse, on an island with a palm tree swaying in the breeze, a message bottle sits side by side with a Pina Colada and a cute little striped umbrella horizontally tilted in the beachy sand. Did YOUR bottle make it to land? Have you checked lately?There are now 226 bottles floating in the blog ocean just waiting to be mysteriously delivered to a tropical island near you. Now let's add to the fun with Round Two. If you've already participated in this meme, feel free to toss another bottle in the ocean this time as well. The more the merrier.Click here to see Round One of this meme and the official Message In a Bottle Site. It's time to tag a host of new bloggers to play Message In a Bottle. As always, pa...
New Age Supermarket
2008-04-09 09:02:00 Scroll down for Wordless WednesdayA new supermarket opened near my house.It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.I don't buy toilet paper there any more. More About: Supermarket
An Irish Tale
2008-04-08 09:07:00 Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.The Father said, "Top O' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?"She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"She replied, "No, not yet, Father."The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and four singles, ten in all!"The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer lovin' hoosband doin'?"She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle." More About: Irish , Tale
Give Me Five Monday - #21
2008-04-08 00:47:00 The 'Give Me Five' Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple short list! Here's how it works. Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn't have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified. Sign up for weekly reminder emails @ beccagirl@charter.net.Today's mission: Give Me Five favorite candies, of all time or currently. 1. See's Dark Chocolate Nougat. I rarely have these anymore, but in my younger years this was the gift most desired. A two pound box didn't last very long either. Yummy.2. Nestle's Butterfinger is my second favorite. I used to have these delicious little gems in my home at all times. You just never know when you are going to have a Butterfinger atta...
Manic Monday #52 - 1000
2008-04-07 00:25:00 There are a 1000 things about the California Delta that I love. There are a 1000 miles of waterways from Stockton and Sacramento all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge and out into the Pacific Ocean. There are a 1000 or more tales of its history, its beauty, its residents, along with a 1000 fishing stories. All the shots in my slideshow are things I've actually seen while traveling by boat on the Delta. I haven't been in every single body of water in the Delta, but I've been from Stockton, Sacramento and all the way to the San Francisco bay by boat. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to boat the 1000 miles of waterway that is called the California Delta.The Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta is an example of an inverted river delta, one of only a few worldwide. The fan-shaped area of the delta converges downstream, rather than diverging, as the two rivers are forced to exit the Central Valley through the Coast Range via the narrow channel known as the Carquinez Strait, which le... More About: Monday , Manic Monday , Manic
Redneck Driver's License Application
2008-04-06 09:03:00 Pleeze compleet this application, best ya can.Last name: _______________First name:[_] Billy-Bob[_] Billy-Joe[_] Billy-Ray[_] Billy-Sue[_] Billy-Mae[_] Billy-Jack[_] Badd-Teddy Bob[_] Bobby-Sue[_] Bobby-Jo[_] Bobby-Ann[_] Bobby-Lee[_] Bobby-Ellen[_] Bobby-BethAge: ____ (if unsure, guess)Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]NoneShoe Size: ____ Left____ RightOccupation:[_] Farmer[_] Hair Dresser[_] Un-employed[_] Mechanic[_] Waitress[_] Dirty PoliticianSpouse's Name: _____________________________2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________Lover's Name: ______________________________2nd Lover's Name: ___________________________Relationship with spouse:[_] Sister[_] Brother[_] Mother[_] Father[_] Cousin[_] Aunt[_] Uncle[_] Son[_] Daughter[_] PetNumber of children living in household: ___Number of children living in shed: ___Number of children that are yours: ___Mother's Name: ______________________ (Relation__________)Father's Name: ____________________... More About: Application , License , Redneck
Why I'm Grateful
2008-04-05 20:10:00 Mel of Attitude, the Ultimate Power has a fun site for posting what you are grateful for or complaining about anything and everything that makes you crazy. So, I decided that I would play along.I don't really have much to complain about, but I certainly have many things that I am truly grateful for. The rules on how to play along are at the bottom of this post. Feel free to jump on board.A dear friend sent me this via email and it so says exactly what I'm grateful for:Old Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind ... More About: Meme
The Island
2008-04-05 10:01:00 A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him, "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?" More About: Island
Feast One Hundred & Eighty Six
2008-04-05 01:18:00 AppetizerInvent a new flower; give it a name and describe it. It would be a combination of all these flowers (colors) and I would call it the Cassandra. It would have magic powers and if you smelled it you would be young and live forever. No, I'm not drinking this early in the morning.SoupName someone whom you think has a wonderful voice.SaladOn a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how clean do you keep your car? Probably about an 8. If hubby doesn't wash it it doesn't get washed.Main CourseHow do you feel about poetry? I love reading poetry, but I don't have the knack for writing poetry. One of my favorite visits each day is Lynda's Loft. She writes awesome love poetry.DessertWhat was the last person/place/thing you took a picture of? Our house all decorated for Christmas last year. More About: Friday , Feast
What's Your Workplace Zodiac Sign?
2008-04-04 10:01:00 MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.ENGINEERING: It is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"... ACCOUNTING: You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.HU... More About: Workplace , Sign , Zodiac
The Mountain Man
2008-04-03 18:36:00 Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. More About: Mountain
Two Cool Awards
2008-04-03 04:05:00 Ivana of Communique by Ivanhoe and The Teach of Work of the Poet awarded me with the You Make My Day Award. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. You are both very special to me. Here are the rules:The rules for the *you make my day award* are to re-present it to 10 people whose blogs bring you happiness and inspiration and make you feel happy about blog land. Let them know through email or by posting a comment on their blog so they can pass it on. Beware you may get the award several times yourself, and if you do, consider yourself really, really loved. I just received a brand new award designed by Greatfullivin of Gratitude Journal. The award is called Gratitude with Attitude Award. This sight is always very uplifting and focuses on those things she is grateful for. There are indeed many things we should be grateful for if we just take the time to focus on those things. Here is what she had to say about this award:I am so Thankful for all of you who visit regularly, even whe... More About: Awards , Cool
Dicks From Around the World...
2008-04-02 22:56:00 Adult Material. You've been WARNED. United States of America More About: World , Around the world , The World
April Fools Day Quiz
2008-04-01 03:59:00 You can't believe everything you read ? especially on April Fools' Day. Can you tell which stories are true and which are false? Just click the "read more" for the answers at the end of this post. Don't peek and have fun!1. Buddhist dog prays for worldly desiresBuddhists clasp their palms together to pray for enlightenment, but Conan, a Chihuahua, appears to have more worldly motivations.The dog has become a popular attraction at a Japanese temple after learning to imitate the worshippers around him."Clasping hands is a basic action of Buddhist prayer to show appreciation. He may be showing his thanks for treats and walks," said Joei Yoshikuni, a priest at Jigenin temple on the southern island of Okinawa.2. Gophers notch a win in man-rodent battleA war on gophers waged by two Canadian men went awry this weekend when a device used to blast the rodents in their holes sparked a massive grass fire in a rural area near Calgary, Alberta, causing more than $197,000 in damages.Despite a... More About: Quiz , Holidays
The Handsome Prince...
2008-03-31 20:39:00 The Handsome Prince lived on a tropical island. He was not all alone. There were many frogs on the island, and also a mirror, and when he looked in the mirror he couldn't see himself apart from the frogs. He noticed that he was the better looking of the frogs whose reflections also showed in the mirror, and there was something special about his eyes. His eyes were limpid pools but instead of being blue they were green which reflected his deep jealousy of Prince Dragonfly. He vowed that today would be the end of Dragonfly's evil reign over the lilypad kingdom. With that he hoped over to the neighboring island of Zulu Kingdom to find the evil man.But he wasn't used to his new body, especially jumping with four legs. He felt sleek and slippery and he wanted clothes. Plus, he didn't like how his feet looked -- He wondered if he was going to be a frog forever when another frog approached him and said, "he decided to make a cake for the lovely empress he was expecting any moment!" The...
What I Dun in Dakota...
2008-03-31 19:38:00 A cowboy from Texas rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling."Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Dakota ! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Dakota "Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Dakota?"The cowboy from Texas turned back and sai...
Happy Friday: The Story Game
2008-03-28 15:49:00 I got this idea from Marilyn of More Random Than Average and decided to do this instead of the comment game this week. I don't want to bore all of you to pieces. I just want you to have something to do if you swing by for a visit this weekend while I'm enjoying our boat. So play nice. Okay?Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. Next week I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everybody who participates under the heading, "Contributing Authors". If you have lots of blogs and want me to link one in particular let me know. (www.your url.com in parenthesis might be a nice hint) You can play as many times as you want and the game will run all weekend. Thanks for playing along.Here's the start:The Handsome Prince... More About: Story , Happy , Game , Friday , The Story
From a Man's View...
2008-03-27 16:08:00 I'm Well-Traveled. Not really, my mind just wanders.I Love the Limelight. And the Bud Lite, and the Miller Lite ...I was once arrested for assault at a toy company. Battery not included.Just when I find the key to success, someone goes and changes all the locks.I like doing my own thing, except when I can get a date.I'm A Self-Righteous Jerk. You got a problem with that?I used to be a man of vision, before the medication cleared it up.I Own Screwdriver. Will Fix Cat For Food.Scatological Liar. (I'm full of crap.)I've Got Lots Of Irons In The Fire. I've given up golf again.I Am Non-Involved. But don't quote me on that.I'm My Own Boss. Yet, oddly, I can't stand that jerk.Can't we all just get a bong?I've grown tolerant to pepper spray.I've Got Abnormal fear of Alex Trebek.I'm A WHIZ KID. Wanna see me whiz?Some multi-task. I multi-slack. More About: View
Scotch With Two Drops of Water
2008-03-26 16:25:00 A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.''Coming up,' says the bartender.As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.''Coming right up,' the bartender says.As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, i... More About: Water
Being Blonde Isn't Easy...
2008-03-25 16:16:00 Especially if you're cooking...MONDAYIt's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.TUESDAYBob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.WEDNESDAYA good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.THURSDAYToday Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.FRIDAYI found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.SATURDAYBob did the shopping today and brought... More About: Blonde , Easy
Give Me Five Monday Meme #19
2008-03-24 17:23:00 The 'Give Me Five' Monday meme is designed to share fun information with each other in a simple short list! Here's how it works. Each week, I will put out a random topic from my list of topics and you share 5 answers of your choice on the given topic and link back here! You can add photos, links or stories or just a simple list of your own of 5 things that relate to the topic as it pertains to you and your life experiences. It doesn't have to be in any order of importance unless otherwise specified.Becca's mission this week: Give Me Five favorite memories from your Easter day 2008.1. We were on our boat and what better place is there to be on any weekend? Well, for us it's the best of all places.2. It was so warm that we didn't need the heater. Now that just has Spring written all over it.3. Spending the day Saturday at the Richmond Yacht Club and looking across the bay at San Francisco.4. Having a great dinner with some great friends Saturday evening to celebrate their 39th ... More About: Meme
Manic Monday #51 - Egg
2008-03-24 00:26:00 The 1895 Rosebud Egg is made of vericolored gold, translucent red and opaque white enamal, diamonds and cream velvet lining. The Rosebud is made of gold and opaque green and yellow enamel. The missing surprises, inside the rosebud, were a crown, made of gold, with diamonds and rubies, and the missing pendant was a cabochon Ruby. This Louis XVI-style Egg is covered with translucent red enamal on a wave-patterned guilloche field, quartered by lines of rose-cut diamonds and is surmounted by a miniature of Nicholas II beneath a portrait diamond, encircled by rose-cut diamonds. The year, 1894 is set in the base beneath a diamond. The egg opens to reveal a hinged yellow rosebud, another symbol of the couple's love for one another. The bud in turn originally contained two tiny surprises, a miniature replica of the Imperial crown, representing Alexandra's new life as the Empress of Russia, and a ruby Egg pendant hanging within it. Like the almost identical crown and pendant of the First I... More About: Monday , Manic Monday , Manic
Links Around The World
More articles from this author:2008-03-21 20:48:00 Jersey of The Furry Diva tagged me with the "Links Around the World Tag" and I always try to keep Jersey happy so I'm going to play along . This is not only a lot of love, but you also get to meet new bloggers in the process.Here's the rules:1. Place your link after the list. If you have more than 1 blog, feel free to add them all here!2. After placing your blog?s address/es, tag 5 or more bloggers that is not yet in the list, this is to keep the ball rolling. Links around the world tag (update as of Mar. 11, 2008)1. Momhood Moments 2. Business Mars 3. Pinay Mommy Online 4. OnlineBiz and Resources 5. A Simple life 6. moms?.. check nyo 7. Mommy?s Little Corner 8. Princezz 9. Princess 10. Random Thoughts 11. Paradigm 12. See Me For What You Will 13. Pamp?s Blog Corner 14. Pampered 15. HappyHeart 16. Qtcotzkie and Baby 17. A Sorta Fairytale 18. tragicseven 19. Listen to the Beat! 20. Just Saying 21. Tipsy Tips 22. Different Angles 23. Delicious Corner 24. I Care 25. Blog Blag Blog 26... More About: Meme , Around the world , The World 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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