College For IdiotsCollege For IdiotsDescribes the life of a college student and how to survive. Funny description of a students life and their opinions on the people the met.
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Owning a Pet in College
2007-11-24 00:11:00 So, you had a pet when you were in high school and you feel lonely without. Well, what are you going to do about this situation? 1. Where do you live? If you live in an apartment like most college kids the bigger dogs are probably not the best choice. However, if you have them trained well and aren?t going to be living in that small of a place forever then I guess that could be okay. Most likely you would probably have to take the dog on a walk constantly. 2. What kind of animal person are you? Yippy small dogs are evil and if you buy one I give your friends and neighbors permission to kill it. 3. Cat People: You like cats, that?s cool I kind of like them too. Well actually I like my cat. I can annoy the crap out of him which makes him more fun. Oh, on a positive note cats are easier to have in apartments because they don?t need as much room to run around as dogs. They also... More About: Advice , College
Pasta Salad
2007-11-11 01:38:00 Ingredients: -Pasta Noodles: as many as you want -Salad Dressing: I prefer Italian dressing -Vegetables -Parmesan Cheese -Mozzarella Directions: -It's pretty simple, so simple my fat lazy cat can make it. I can also cook it without burning anything or blowing anything up in the microwave. -First, you boil the noodles. Hard, right? -Cool the boiled noodles under cold water. -Add the dressing, as much as you want. -Cut up the Vegetables, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and broccoli, whatever. -Add the cheese. There you go what a nice meal. Granted your breath will smell really bad so people probably won't want to make out with you afterwards but no biggie.
Surviving College Expenses
2007-11-10 03:15:00 So, what do you to when you are in college and broke? Well, there are a couple of options . . . some good ones and some not so good ones. 1. Get a loan. Ha, no see what good that does you in ten years when you haven't paid them back and your parents don't love you and won't pay them. Eventually you will become a hobo living in a box whose parents have disowned you. Sounds fun doesn't it? Fuck Stafford Loans drawing you in with their stupid commercials that show happy students. Those students won't be so happy in a few years when the government reposes everything they own and they are sitting in a box smelling of their own feces. 2. Scholarships. Are you a white, protestant, Caucasian male with no disabilities if so you are not getting a scholarship. Are you of average intelligence with parents that make a decent living but still can't really afford for you to go to school. Fuck you, you are getting shit from the government. Unless you live in South Carolina, hav... More About: Advice , College , Expenses , Vivi
The Super Fancy Meal aka. (I want to get laid meal)
2007-10-26 05:49:00 Stuffed Shells (serves about four or two for more than one meal) Ingredients: 1 egg 16 oz. Ricotta Cheese 1 box of raw noodle shells 1 pound of ground beef 1 can of spaghetti sauce 1 bag shredded mozzarella Directions: -First Boil Water: amount depends on how many noodles you want to make -Add the noodles to the water once it reaches a boil -While noodles are cooking begin to brown the ground beef (use a frying pan) -Remove noodles from water when they are semi cooked, too soft and you won't be able to stuff them -Take the meat off the burner -Add the meat to the sauce set aside -Let the noodles cool -Mix 16 oz. of ricotta with one egg -Add mozzarella to the cheese for taste (as much as you want) -Stuff the shells with the cheese; about one spoonful -Place shells in a 13" by 9" glass baking pan -Pour sauce over the shells -Put tinfoil over the pan -Bake at 350 for 25 minutes And there you go you have a fancy meal that will get you laid. Add some wine and maybe some f... More About: Super , Meal , The Super , Fancy
Apricot Chicken
2007-09-05 23:44:00 As always this meal is going to taste like chicken. However, now your chicken is a little spiced up. So, here it goes: Ingredients: -Apricot Preserves -Chicken Breasts -Frozen Mixed Vegetables Directions: -Cook the chicken in your oven on 350 for 25 minutes or you can cook it for 8 minutes on your George Foreman. -Remove chicken and rub a generous helping of the apricot preserves on it. Leave a little on the side for dipping if you really like the preserves like I do. -Take your bag of frozen vegetables cook it in the microwave then let it sit. Congratulations you made a very tasty, quick meal. If you chose to use your oven though I'm then sorry. You are a retard. You while now have to wait thirty minutes for your dinner biatch. More About: Rico
Picking a Major
2007-08-30 15:20:00 1. If you are really confused just go with undeclared when you are applying for college. Don?t just close your eyes and point because then you might end up in something like waster management. If they don?t have exactly what you want don?t pick the major that sounds the most like your first choice. Most likely it is nothing like what you were expecting. For example Language and International Trade is nothing like International Relations. One involves a lot more math than the other; which isn?t good if you hate math with a burning passion. 2. Certain majors involve more work than others. So, if you want to be busy with school work all the time pick something like engineering, architecture, or pre-med. If you would rather be drunk 24 hours a day try something like art or tourism. From what I have seen finance is also an easy major because my friends in it never do homework and drink seven days a week. Horrid bastards. 3. If you are trying to meet your future husband or... More About: Advice , Major , Picking
If Your Stuff is Still in Your Room You Haven't Moved Yet
2007-08-28 17:45:00 So far I learned several things in college. Some were good and some were traumatizing but overall I had enjoyed my first three months of college. One weekend in early December I decided to visit one of my good friends from back home at USC (as in the University of South Carolina). That Friday see drove up to Clemson to pick me up and take me back to Columbia with her. I didn?t have a car so I wasn?t able to drive to USC. The weekend went pretty well. I was spending some time away from my boyfriend and I learned that I definitely picked the right school to attend. I saw several people from my high school that I hadn?t seen since graduation which was a bit strange. It was especially strange because we all ended up at the same party. I guess preppy rich kids all cling to the same type of parties. That weekend I tried my first party punch, jungle juice, or whatever you want to call it. I then realized why Everclear was illegal in several states and why party punch was... More About: General , Stuff , Room , Haven
Absolutely Wonderful
2007-08-24 03:15:00 Spinach Salad Ingredients: Spinach Pre-cooked chicken Tomatoes Salad Dressing (I like Greek with the already added Feta cheese) Directions: Easy, combine it all together P.S Pre-cooked chicken is wonderful, absolutely wonderful. It makes life a lot easier than having to spend the time to cook chicken. More About: Wonderful , Absolute
The Stain
2007-08-18 19:06:00 Thanks to Freshman overflow I was forced to live in the upper classmen, on campus apartments my first semester. Now most people would die to live in a place like that their freshman year and so naturally I was very excited. Eventually thought I began to realize there were a lot of drawbacks to living in an apartment. One I was not surrounding by freshman like most kids my age were in the dorms. Instead I was living next to people I didn?t know and would never end up meeting. They were already seasoned college students and weren?t so willing to make friends. This meant that as an out-of-state student I was at a major disadvantage because I didn?t know anyone and was having difficulty meeting people. Thankfully though I did meet a guy a month into school and we started dating. He was two years older than me so he introduced me to a lot of people. It was also nice to have a boyfriend because that meant I would spend less time in my apartment which wasn?t the best environ... More About: General
Oh yes . . . Oh no . . .
2007-08-18 04:47:00 So, college football games are awesome. Especially when you attend a school whose stadium is in the top ten for number of people it holds. It was just another Saturday with a noon football game. I?m not exactly sure who we played because as you will soon learn I had more important things to remember (it might have been Duke or Wake Forest, who knows). My roommate and I woke up around ten and showered and changed into our school?s color. As I was finishing my hair my other roommate (the biggest bitch alive) went into the other room to get breakfast. Two seconds after she left our room I heard a horrible scream. Apparently when she entered the living room we shared with two other girls she happened to come across roommate number three having sex with her boyfriend on our pull out sofa. The Bitch came running into our shared room yelling about how she didn?t want to see their nasty thrusting asses. I just sat on my bed in complete shock. Now, the other problem with t... More About: General , Oh No
The First Time My Roommate Got Mad
2007-08-17 04:35:00 Freshman year I had a pretty interesting roommate. I lived with three girls and shared a room with one of them. She was a stuck up rich girl who thought anyone that didn?t wear Polo was poor. She would have fit in great with one some of the more stuck up sororities at my school but she chose not to join. The Greek Life was not her style (she claimed). They weren?t good enough for her. Yes, she had a boyfriend that she was completely obsessed with and constantly fought with on the phone. Their fights weren?t serious though. They mostly consisted of him being jealous of all the guys she said liked her and the two of them arguing about who loved the other one more. A few weeks into school I started to realize she was a bit unstable. The first example of this was when I spent the night for the first time at my boyfriend?s place. Apparently I was only allowed to spend the night out when she said it was okay. She claimed that she didn?t want me leaving because she feared our ot... More About: General , Time , First Time
Things to Know about College
2007-08-15 03:40:00 You see since I have already tried the following things I know that they don?t work. Sometimes they actually work but then they inevitably fall apart. 1. Ten page research pages cannot be finished in one day?.actually make that five hours. I would suggest starting your paper at least two weeks before the deadline. However, I do agree that starting it two months before hand is just plan excessive. Somehow I got an A in that English class. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that my teacher didn?t really feel the need to grade a single one of our papers until the week before the grades were due. So, I think what she did was get drunk and give everyone A?s. Unless of course you didn?t show up to enough classes and then she gave you a C. 2. Don?t sign a binding single lease with someone you have known for less than six months, they may actually be a cheap ass lying bum (I?m not bitter). In all seriousness though be careful about your leases. I mean even for the sake o... More About: Advice , College , Things , Coll
Mmmm, Tastes like Chicken
2007-08-14 17:46:00 Ingredients: Chicken Strips (they cook faster than breasts) Plain Seasoned Bread Crumbs Mustard (Honey, Brown, Original, or whatever you like) Directions: Preheat the oven to 325 for strips and 350 for breasts Pour mustard on a plate, as much as you think you will need to cover the chicken Coat the chicken with the mustard (use a pastry brush if you have one, if not just smear the mustard on) Pour the breading on to a plate and roll the chicken around in the breading until fully coated Then place in the oven for 25 minutes or until done For a side dish I suggest Uncle Ben?s rice. It cooks pretty quickly and there are tons of flavors you can pick.
Ten Commandments of Alcohol: as decided by me
2007-08-12 23:20:00 1.Do not leave any beer half full or even a little bit full. This includes new beer you feel like purchasing just because you want to try it. I have done this and yes drinking that beer made me almost want to throw up but I did it and I am a girl. A real man finishes his beer. I would dump a man for not finishing his beer because that means he can?t finish anything else that is remotely important. 2.Never insert a beer bottle in to any hole in your body. I do not care how drunk you are I will never respect you again or allow you near my beer. 3.I do not care if it is your 21st birthday 21 shots are just stupid unless you weigh 800 lbs. If you don?t weight that much pass the extra shots out to your friends. I mean chances are you will throw up on them by the end of the night so you might as well be nice and give them some alcohol. 4.If your farts smell like alcohol the next day you probably drank too much the night before. Also if you single handedly caused a herpes ... More About: General , Alcohol , Ten Commandments , Commandments , Cide
Cook to Impress
2007-08-12 02:13:00 In the mood for a quick desert that tastes really good and will make everyone else think you are insanely awesome make cannoli. If you don't know what that is, it is an Italian desert. Ingredients: Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (as many as you want) 3 cups: Ricotta Cheese 1 1/4 cups: Powdered Sugar Cannoli Shells (1 or more packages) 1 tsp: Vanilla Extract (optional) Directions: Mix Ricotta Chees and Powdered Sugar together until mixture is smooth. Add as many chocolate chips as you want. Fill the pre-cooked shells with the mixture. Keep the Cannoli refrigerated. Ta da, you have a super fancy desert now. Isn't that just wonderful? You are now a cooking genius, a savant really. More About: Cook , Impress
Oh la la
2007-08-10 21:53:00 Okay so maybe you are trying to make a fancy meal to impress your parents or a girl that you want to screw. Either way here is something you can do. . . Ingredients: Prepackaged frozen Shrimp Scampi. Linguini noodles. Directions: Boil the linguini. Fry the shrimp. Combine the two. And you have a meal. Sometimes shrimp can leave you gassy or screw with your breath among other things. So beware before you try doing the dirty with your date.
My Skills at Attracting the Opposite Sex
2007-08-10 21:37:00 To explain my abilities I have one simple phrase. . . I am a nerd. I cannot flirt whatsoever. I also am at the level of a middle schooler when it comes to sexual prowess. In the past I have tried to flirt but it did not turn out so well. I have asked some of the guys I have attempted to flirt with how I did. My favorite response was that I was acting like a bitch. So, I guess when I flirt I am actually being a bitch. Hmm, that is not quite what I was going for. In high school I was not so good at picking up guys either. One time I asked a gay guy to prom. He said no; along with four other straight guys. Something about me must scream not dateable. However, in college my prospects began to turn around. I was actually getting better at talking to guys and had a good number of potential dates set up. Instead I choose one guy and have been with that same guy for two years. Minus a small break that was caused by my dating idiocy. The nice thing about college was t... More About: General , Skills , Opposite , Trac , Posi
Jobs you Never Want to Have
2007-08-10 05:18:00 I have had my fair share of attempted jobs. Actual jobs I have only had three total. Well, technically I have had five but two of them don?t count. The thing is only one of the jobs I have had ended well and the other I currently still have so it is going just fine. The other job I quit. Why, because they were absolutely horrible. Some might say I was naïve, whatever. At least I can now spread my knowledge on to others. 1. Tutor. You should only be a tutor if you like children. If you don?t like children and hate math with a burning passion you should probably not tutor children, with learning disorders, in math. Also I was working at an Asian run tutoring firm through the recommendations of my friend who worked there that was also Asian. Apparently my boss did not understand why a white, Italian girl was working there but she needed help so she took me. However, things got a little confusing when she constantly spoke and gave directions in Korean. I had official... More About: Advice , Jobs
What is cheap, fast and healthy?
2007-08-10 04:43:00 A hooker, no. Pulling out, also wrong. Cooking barbecue chicken on your George Foreman Grill, yes! Ingredients: 98% fat free boneless chicken breasts (however many you want) Barbecue sauce (your favorite brand) Directions: Remove excess fat from the chicken (if you want) Smear barbecue sauce on chicken Cook on George Foreman until finished Tip: you can also place the barbecue sauce on after you grill. It makes less of a mess on the plates then. Side Dish: Ramen noodles, or if you want to take a little more time carrots, microwaveable packets of Uncle Ben's rice, or salad. More About: Fast , Cheap , Healthy , Heal
People are just Plain Strange
2007-08-09 23:46:00 Thus far in college I have learned several things. None of which are at all school related. I have discovered the many multitudes of mentally insane people that roam about my college campus. Queer Number One: The creepy old guy who is not in grad school and insists on hanging out with freshman. The reason he hangs out with freshman is simple all the older students have already been severely disturbed by him. I encountered this guy rather early on in my freshman year. I went with this girl I had met to an of campus party. The first thing I noticed was that everyone but one guy was twenty or under. He apparently was the owner of the apartment. The sad thing was that he owned close to thirty videos of Girl?s Gone Wild. I didn?t actually know people owned those. Needless to say we left the party early. Queer Number Two: The professor who is almost forty and being your teacher is the first job she has ever had. Yes, that is right my professor was a perpetual college stud... More About: People , General , Plain , Strange , Range
8 Things I have Learned in College
2007-08-08 21:39:00 The first few weeks of school I unknowingly compiled a list a few things that are best to avoid when you first enter college. It took me several months and a bout of depression to finally figure out what I needed to know. 1. Overflow housing blows. Live in a dorm room at all costs your first semester. I know there are horror stories but not many. You do not have to be best friends with your roommate and sometimes it is better if you aren?t. However, living in a dorm room provides you with the full college experience. Tour groups don?t come into your apartment but they do come into your dorm room. This allows you to stand in the doorway and watch as parents are forced to step over the half clothed, passed out girl who locked herself out of her bedroom. Or maybe the guy who is still drunk at 10 in the morning and peeing in the hallway. 2. Guys do not fix everything. Now I know this one is a shocker. Even the nicest guy can tell you fifty times that you are pretty but until you b... More About: Advice , College , Things , Learned , Coll
Relationship Advice
2007-08-08 21:38:00 So, here is my advice from someone who has had some relationship problems. I don't take my own advice and I should. However, since I don't I figure maybe someone else will. 1. Apparently my biggest relationship fall back is constantly worrying that I am going to lose the guy I'm with at the time. Don't do that. It stresses you out; it stresses your girlfriend/boyfriend out, and most of all it stresses your relationship out. 2. Always tell your partner what is bothering you. Don?t listen to anyone that tells you to talk to them and not your partner. You need to tell them when you have a problem. If you value your relationship and you want it to last don?t hide anything. The rough patches and the small problems are what make your relationship better in the long run. 3. Fight. Yes, the fight might have seemed pointless and you may not have had a legitimate reason to fight but for some reason it needed to happen. I have been with the same guy for almost two years and I don?t re... More About: Advice , Relationship , Relation
Surviving the First Few Days of College
2007-08-08 21:27:00 1. Do not tell your roommates when you first met them that they either: -look anorexic -look like someone you saw on America's Most Wanted -smell or look dirty -are unattractive/ not wealthy enough for you to interact with -they shouldn't have been accepted to this college, let alone anywhere else -is their voice usually that annoying or are they just trying to sound like Fran Drescher 2. Do not foolishly agree to be their best friend forever on the first day you meet. If someone is asking you that then there is something really really wrong. 3. Pop Tarts. They are fun, many varieties, they look pretty with sprinkles. However, they are fattening. Just because they are strawberry or blueberry does not mean they qualify as a fruit. If you continuously eat an entire pack twice a day you will end up looking like the Blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. 4. Rolling backpacks are evil and will cause you to be made fun of frequently. Professors carry them this should be enough of a hi... More About: Advice , College , Days , Ving , Coll
The Reasons why my Freshman Roommate was Insane. . .
2007-08-08 17:56:00 Ah yes, my freshman roommate. She was such a lovely person; such a wonderful rich snob. Yes, there are rich snobs everywhere but they become more pronounced in their college years. Many people would say I grew up with snobs and sometimes put off a snobbish air. However, when you meet someone like my first freshman roommate you begin to think that Donald Trump isn?t as much of an over privileged ass, with hideous, hair as you originally thought. 1. She was a wonderful individual who thought all black people stole and wanted to have anal sex with her. This meant that (a) our other roommate stole (b) all of our other roommates friends were planning on having anal with her and (c) that one day they would all ban together, kill her, and steal all her Ralph Lauren cloths. 2. She had found the love of her life and so she now felt the need to give everyone she met relationship advice. Even though she had only known th... More About: Insane , General , Reasons , Freshman , Reshma
The Essentials
2007-08-08 03:03:00 As a college student there are a few staples in your diet that you will need. 1. A George Foreman Grill. Yes, they aren't exactly cheap but for $25 you can get one and it will make your life a lot easier. I am lazy and cheap. So, this grill or something like it makes your life a lot simpler. Instead of attempting to cook something in the oven which can take awhile you can grill it in under ten minutes. 2. A muffin tin. Muffins are a wonderful thing; especially the ones that you don't have to add anything to other than water. 3. Pam. Apparently a lot of people forget to use this when cooking. I guess they think it is fun to allow their food to stick in pans and then have their roommates clean it out for them because they are too damn lazy. 4. Lean Cuisine Pizza. Or any other small microwaveable meals. Lean Cuisine or some other type of dietary dish is best because then you don't have to worry so much about gaining millions of pounds. Frozen food tends to be r... More About: Essentials , The Essential , Essential
College Dorms and Strange Rich People
2007-08-07 19:20:00 So, my first dorm room ever. It was special but for a few months I called it home. That is until my insane roommates became unbearable and I had to move out. However, it was livable for awhile. To make it livable though there were several things I need to do to it. They were as follows. . . 1. Cover the water (piss) stains on the walls up with pretty posters of places I would rather be at the current moment. 2. Do not walk barefoot. The floor will probably give me planter?s warts, athlete?s foot, or (worst of all) cooties. This meant I need to place nasty, old flip-flops in strategic places around the room. 3. Remove pictures of retarded, fat, old Italian men from the wall that my most evil roommate and her gay dad in denial put in the kitchen. Italian people are not all fat and we do not all make pasta. However, later that day they were quickly replaced by gay dad in denial. As he said a kitchen was not a kitchen unless there were fat Italian people in there and since I... More About: People , Rich , College , General , Strange
Downhill till the Explosion
2007-07-24 18:04:00 When I got back to school from fall break things went relatively well for awhile. Curly and I continued to do well and Halloween was slowly approaching. This meant that The Bitch (my roommate) was planning on decorating the entire apartment. While The Bitch and I prepared our apartment and looked around for costumes I went about my normal life with Curly. The only problem was that we had been seeing each other for almost a month and I was starting to get impatient. We had been on dates and been exclusive for over four weeks yet he had never officially asked me out. So, the weekend before Halloween I gave him an ultimatum. He either wanted to date, and if so would ask me out, or he was just using me as a hook-up buddy (no sex yet). If he was using me as a hook up buddy we would have to become friends and nothing more. I was completely nervous about telling him this mostly because I was worried he would decide on the latter choice. I had given him a week to decide. Th... More About: General , Explosion
Home from College for the First Time
More articles from this author:2007-07-23 20:33:00 The first time back at my house from school was rather weird. I stood in my room staring at everything realizing that I technically didn?t live there anymore. I had started the first stage of growing up. My plans for my weekend back were to see all my friends, that I could, and visit my old place of work Auntie Anne?s Pretzels. Of course, I planned on spending time with my parents, brother, and dog as well. My welcome home was nice as usual, thanks to my dog. Whenever she sees someone, even complete strangers, she gets super excited. She then proceeds to make some of the most horrendous noises I have ever heard. When she barks it sort of sounds like there is a dying cow living in our house. My first night back I went out to dinner with my parents at the Cheesecake Factory. While we waited to get seated I visited Auntie Anne?s in the food court. My visit reminded exactly why I had grown to dislike my job. Thanks to the wonderful children and their horrible screaming... More About: College , General , Time , Home , First Time 1, 2 |
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