I forgot where I was going with this...I forgot where I was going with this...A humorous perspective on parenting, marriage, geeks, fitness, badly behaving labradors, and vegetables. Where the dog takes Prozac and wifely duties meet the fashion challenges of food stains and bloating. Justice is not sought here, only silence. Articles
I?m not dead :)
2008-04-03 22:41:00 I’m out of town with no internet access. Went to Louisiana to visit my Grandma. I have some pre- written posts for your perusal. I’ll answer comments when I get back. Hang on, people, I’ll be back soon. More About: Travel , Blogs , Dead
Yes, more pickles.
2008-03-30 19:44:00 The “Yes, pickles.” continues. We had four boys in the back of the car last night cutting up. (Earplugs anyone?) Son #1 yells from the back “Dad, can you marshmellow watermelon weinerschnitzel?” I look at Steve “Marshmellow watermelon weinershcnitzel?” Steve rolls his eye at me and says “What, Son?” Son #1 yells “Can you marshmellow ... More About: Humor , Children , Marriage , Pickles
Yes, pickles.
2008-03-29 05:53:00 I was reading an entry by Scout’s Honor over at United States of Motherhood the other day. And she was talking about her hearing going. In the last six months, I’ve noticed my hearing is going too. In fact? If there’s background noise, I can’t really make out what people are saying anymore. Anyway, Scout’s Honor ... More About: Humor , Pickles
My name is MWAAAAAAAAA
2008-03-28 02:58:00 Today’s art lesson was Kandinsky’s untitled #629. I even managed to get through today’s lesson without screwing up too bad. I only called the color red, PURPLE once! As soon as the kids came in from recess, one of the girls ran up to me. Girl: Mrs. Teixeira! Mrs. Teixeira! I’ve named myself something else. I ... More About: Children
Whatever Wednesday- FREE TIBET!
2008-03-26 17:06:00 Revenge is mine! Steve is about to leave for China and tells me this morning “While I’m in China- DO NOT send me any anti-communism, anti-Chinese government IMs or email. The government monitors internet activity there.” Geez. I thought he was just going to tell me not to drop the F-bomb. I grinned evilly and ... More About: Tibet , Free , Wednesday
Words of Wisdom from my uncle?
2008-03-25 22:01:00 “When you want the truth, you go to the horse’s mouth, not his ass.” LOL! More About: Humor , Family , Words , Wisdom , Words of Wisdom
Punching order?
2008-03-24 02:35:00 Steve and I are laying in bed reading with the kids in between us, when someone decides to pinch me. Me: WHO is pinching me?!?! (hysterical laughter from all three of them) Me: Stop pinching me! (PINCH!) Me: All right, next pinch I’m going to start punching….in order of proximity! Steve: Oh good! Cuz I’ll be gone by the time you ... More About: Humor , Family , Martial Arts , Order
O.M.G.
2008-03-22 07:07:00 Because a child showed up for baseball practice wearing a cup on his butt and upside down, I had to send out the following email: Just a reminder that tomorrow is our first game. Please make sure your child is in FULL uniform (hat, uniform shirt, socks, baseball pants and cleats) WITH a glove! Please also ...
Math
2008-03-21 19:28:00 5 days a week of martial arts + 1 day a week with trainer + 1 day of rollerblading x too many joint injuries = prescription anti inflammatories + muscle relaxant = 1 wicked drug induced hangover In the words of Ree, OH. MAH. HOLY. HELL. YA’LL! I hurt and I can’t shake the cobwebs. ... More About: Humor , Fitness , Karate , Martial Arts , Math
World Exclusive!
2008-03-20 22:24:00 I saw this today: WORLD EXCLUSIVE: See J. Lo’s twins! Then….I Kramered like so: More About: Children , Exclusive , World
Phone call to the neighbor
2008-03-20 16:54:00 (no not the a-hole ones from yesterday) Ring! Me: Uh, you have the most hideous cat I’ve ever seen in your front yard. Neighbor: I do? Me: Yeah, son #1 just chased it out by hissing at it and stuff. (They hate cats in the yard because they poop in their horseshoe sand pit.) Me: But it’s the most decrepit, ... More About: Humor , Cats , Phone , Call , Phone call
How to teach an art lesson on Van Gogh?s Starry Night?.
2008-03-19 21:10:00 First, talk about Van Gogh ’s STARRY NIGHT, movement, color, strokes, etc. Then talk about the SUN. When done, open the floor to questions: First Grade Student: “Uh, Mrs. Teixeira? Isn’t that the moon?” Have Mrs. Teixeira turn and look at painting with surprise. Turn back to the student and say: Me: “Why yes. That is a moon. That ... More About: Humor , Children , Night , Lesson
How to be a great neighbor
2008-03-19 17:46:00 by Our Neighbors First: After you move in, have your teenage children siphon gas from the neighbors until months pass and hundreds of dollars of gas have been stolen, neighbor finally puts locking gas cap on vehicle. Second: When your neighbor goes out of town and their dog decides to go nuts, knock on every door in ... More About: Life , Great
Whatever Wednesday
2008-03-19 05:55:00 Every time Wednesday comes up again this fast, I’m surprised. Didn’t we just do this? Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as many times as you wish. Anything goes. And it doesn?t have to be Wednesday to play. First Question: ...
Pet Peeve anyone?
2008-03-18 23:51:00 I’m sure you’ll all find it highly shocking that I’m annoyed today. I’m pretty much annoyed that other people breathe. I go through phases like that. It seems like every single jackass out on the road has decided to get in front of me today. You know those people that speed up and cut in front ... More About: Humor , Life , Children
Happy St. Patrick?s Day!
2008-03-17 16:55:00 Black Eyed Peas? Check Cabbage? Check Potatoes? Check Corned Beef for Steve and kids? Check Leprechaun Traps out? Check Happy St. Patrick ’s Day! I had to make St. Patrick’s Day dinner last night so we could have leftovers tonight. Mondays are tight, as we have baseball practice, then I run home, shovel in some food and rush off to the ... More About: St Patrick
I got three words for you
2008-03-15 06:16:00 Steve was in the dressing room trying on jeans and asks me to come in and have a look. He opens the door and I did a double take then said “No. Oh HAY-ELL No!” Hurt, he says “But why?” I said “Three words for you: 80’s p0rn star.” One’s junk is better left to ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Words
Dear Honey,
2008-03-14 20:23:00 Dear Honey , Because you and kids ate all the cookies for breakfast this morning, I had nothing chocolately to munch on after lunch. So I went to get a piece of my very special, just for me, chocolate. It appears that my very special, just for me, chocolate is missing. Missing, of course, being a generous term for ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Karate , Martial Arts
Because I can?t get enough?
2008-03-13 17:07:00 The Karate tournament only whet my appetite for more martial arts. Right now, I’m off to try out a karate class. This instructor puts a big emphasis on sparring (because it’s all about the sparring), he’s an amazing teacher and he’s wicked fast. He’s small (my size) so I think I could learn a lot about ... More About: Martial Arts
I was talking to a bag of hammers?.
2008-03-12 20:30:00 OMFG people! I just had a conversation with someone from Expedia who is without question the STUPIDEST person I’ve ever spoken with IN MY LIFE. No seriously. I’ve had more intelligent conversations with the DOGS. The woman was stupider than a bag of hammers and had this annoying, whiny voice and kept saying OK. Me: Yeah, ... More About: Travel , Rant , Talking , Hammers
Whatever Wednesday
2008-03-12 16:51:00 Gawwwdddd! Can you believe it’s Wednesday again? We all know what that means: we ask each other strange, sometimes inappropriate questions. Some stray off onto insane tangents. I won’t name names. ;D Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as many times ...
Here ye, Here ye?
2008-03-12 03:19:00 Let it be known: 7 days ago I said “Steve, something’s wrong with my keyboard. It won’t type some letters and numbers.” On the sixth day Steve finally answers and says “It’s probably a defective keyboard.” Let us pray. Let us see how long before he actually goes and gets me another one from the Microsoft store. It’s all ... More About: Humor , Marriage
The Hillbilly Tooth Returns?.
2008-03-11 23:33:00 Oh yes, just as soon as I finally got that first one out, the second one wiggled loose and has now slid to the middle of his mouth. It’s like some cycloptic dental nightmare. And he’s back to wiggling it at me and sticking it out at me. And yesterday he gets off the bus ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood , Hillbilly
There?s the logistical issues of killing him?.
2008-03-11 07:11:00 Last Friday I was most unhappy with the spousal unit. He told me he was going to be home in the morning to help me load up the car. The kids didn’t have school so it was my one morning to sleep in. At 7:45 he wakes me up to tell me he wants to ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Issues , Killing
Tournament Results
2008-03-10 03:27:00 You’ve all been on pins and needles waiting for the results, haven’t you? ;) I have to say that the tournament was a great experience for everyone. It wasn’t what I expected, but we’re all ready to do it again. Having been a swimmer my whole life, for some reason I expected the tournament to go ... More About: Family , Children , Marriage , Karate , Results
Fight, fight, fight!
2008-03-06 18:27:00 Ok, folks! This is it! This weekend Steve and I are fighting in a karate tournament! I’m nervous because since we were sick, neither of us has sparred in a month! I don’t know about Steve, but I feel rusty! Last night we sparred in the living room a little. Well, no, let me rephrase that. ... More About: Humor , Karate , Martial Arts , Fight , Hapkido
Shut up Floozywhore!
2008-03-05 19:59:00 Ok, so I admit I’m a slow talker. I spent the greater part of my childhood in Louisiana where the cadence of speech is much slower than these west coast folks. However, on rare occasions, I have been known to fast talk. While Steve was trying to eat soup last night, I was fast talking ... More About: Humor , Children , Karate , Shut , Shut Up
Whatever Wednesday
2008-03-05 16:27:00 It’s Whatever Wednesday again, the day where you you answer a random question and leave a random question for someone else. The day where elephants and giraffes become part of normal conversation. Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as ...
The joke that never gets old?
2008-03-04 18:43:00 In the spring, I buy bags and bags of steer manure, chicken manure and compost to spread around the garden. It makes for fantastic flowers in the summer. And every year Steve is most unhappy when he has to unload bags and bags of shit from my truck. And every year he walks by, with a ... More About: Humor , Joke
There?s a wocket in my pocket?
More articles from this author:2008-03-03 23:11:00 Get yer mind out the gutter! My sons are having to do a survey for school on what people’s favorite Dr. Seuss book is. It’s a really tough decision for me. I’m having trouble deciding between There’s a Wocket in my Pocket and Fox in Socks. But I also love Green Eggs and Ham, One ... More About: Children 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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