I forgot where I was going with this...I forgot where I was going with this...A humorous perspective on parenting, marriage, geeks, fitness, badly behaving labradors, and vegetables. Where the dog takes Prozac and wifely duties meet the fashion challenges of food stains and bloating. Justice is not sought here, only silence. Articles
And the internet search term of the day is?
2008-01-31 16:38:00 Every now and then I glance at the internet search terms bringing people here and laugh my ass off. Then I’ll usually do a whole post on them. But today? Lemme leave you with just the one today….balls hurt after running. LOL! More About: Internet , Blogs , Search , The Internet , Term
I?m sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else. I?ve already finished
2008-01-31 01:33:00 Ok, ya’ll. I have HAD IT! HAD. IT. Son #1 and I are doing the “I don’t have homework” battle again. Actually he came home, sat at the table and after 30 seconds, yelled DONE! And picked up son #2’s iPod and starting playing games on it. OMFG ya’ll. GAHHHHHHHH! And for two God-Blessed hours ... More About: Parenting , Children , Motherhood , Rant
Whatever Wednesday
2008-01-30 16:38:00 Ok, Whatever Wednesday last week was too hard because I made you leave me something funny and well, many of you were intimidated by the whole being funny thing. Sigh. I’m really not that hard to please. Float an air biscuit or drop an f bomb innappropriately and I’ll laugh. Trust me. I’m easy. ANYWAY. Focusing on this week. ...
Isn?t it too cold for baseball?
2008-01-29 21:17:00 The baseball season starts for me tonight. I’m managing son #2’s coach pitch team this year and the manager’s meeting is tonight. I am the only female that dares to manage or coach, (Bring it, Boys!) so I always hate this meeting. Steve is VP of this level of the league so he’s running the meeting, ... More About: Children , Baseball , Cold
The mom song?
2008-01-29 02:21:00 I saw this on Melusine’s blog and after showing it to Steve and the kids, son #1 said “Mom you say ALL OF THOSE TOO! Especially the ‘don’t make me come down there’ and the ‘I can’t wait until your have kids of your own’ and ‘chew with your mouth closed’ ” Don’t even get me ... More About: Humor , Children , Song , Motherhood
The one where I get all political on your ass?
2008-01-29 01:19:00 I’m pretty ambivalent about Politcs. I’m a registered Republican but voted for Ross Perot in the 90’s. Politcs pretty much disgusts me. I think everyone’s dirty and being bribed. Last election I didn’t even vote in protest. I didn’t vote because we don’t actually elect our president. I said I wouldn’t vote until we abolished the ... More About: Politics , Political
On life and death?.
2008-01-28 20:41:00 Have you ever noticed that when someone dies, you do/say the strangest things? I’m not talking about what other people say to the person grieving (those idiotic things are an entirely different blog post) but the things you find yourself doing and saying? When Steve’s grandmother died, the paramedics left her in the middle of the floor. ... More About: Family , Life , Death , Life and Death
We have a new breed of dog?
2008-01-27 19:33:00 This morning we woke up to a new breed of dog. Steve let the dogs out of their kennel and discovered our 15 year old incontinent labrador had a shit stripe up her back like a skunk. In disgust, he said “We have a new breed of dog. It’s called the Seattle Shitback.” lol. I’ll spare ... More About: Humor , Dogs , Breed
GO TO HELL Pamprin!
2008-01-24 18:09:00 Three days ago, Pamprin was my bestest friend. What more could you ask for from a friend? Pain relief and no more bloating? Come on, it doesn’t get better than that. However, this morning I realized that not only was I crampy AND bloated, I had bloated to roughly the size of a beached whale. ... More About: Humor , Rant , Hell
Whatever Wednesdays
2008-01-23 21:40:00 I got an idea from Mandy for a fun little thing to do on Wednesdays and so I’ve been waiting since last Wednesday to do it. First, I want you to leave me a link to something that made you laugh until you cry (or tell the story.) This is my contribution and five years later still ... More About: Humor
I?m your worst nightmare. Just call me Mom.
2008-01-23 20:23:00 I am the mother of children’s nightmares. The son who is trying to get away with everything has a sub for the next 10 days. I had to work in son #2’s classroom this morning so I decided to stop by son #1’s classroom on the way out to see what he’s up to. I ... More About: Humor , Children , Nightmare , Motherhood , Call
Now THAT is Karma, Biotch!
2008-01-23 06:47:00 Steve tried to kick me in the head. Then he had to hop around on one foot because I grabbed his foot and trapped it against my shoulder and ran around with it. Now THAT is Karma , Biotch! ;D More About: Humor , Marriage , Karate , Hapkido
GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2008-01-23 03:43:00 I am going to hang a child up by his toes around here. I tell you, there is a kid here, who since the day he was born, has been trying to get away with pretty much EVERYTHING he could possibly get away with. This same child, all school year, has been giving me the “I ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood
I wanna be a Ho, I mean, taking care of business?.
2008-01-17 20:36:00 I really find it hard to whore myself out promote my blog and I’m terrible about link love, when I know it’s so important. So today internet, I’m asking for your help. It usually takes me awhile once people start coming here regularly to get them onto my blogroll. Not because it’s hard, but I ... More About: Business , Blogs , Care , Taking
Oh Snow, how I love thee! It?s your cousin Ice, that I hate?.
2008-01-16 18:39:00 Having lived my entire life without snow, when we moved here three years ago, we were SO excited about the snow! We LOVE the snow! We check the weather reports repeatedly all winter anticipating the snow. It crushes our very souls when the promised snow is not delivered and Steve and I run around like kids when the ... More About: Humor , Family , Children , Love , Hate
Just call me the Oracle of Delphi? or Pythia for short?.
2008-01-15 23:41:00 You bring me the internet search terms, I answer with the wisdom of thousands of years. Bow before me. I will provide the answers for these poor souls searching for answers, just in case they come back. I was going to have the search terms etched into stone tablets, but they got all heavy…… ;D SPANISH WORD FOR ... More About: Humor , Life , Oracle , Blogs , Delphi
I guess I?ll never be a Jedi?.
2008-01-15 06:11:00 I’m giving son #2 a bath tonight and I wanted him to wet his face. He was taking FOR.EV.ER. So I finally took the handheld shower head and squirted him in the face. And then he said “Patience Mommy. You’ll never be a Jedi without patience.” lol. More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood , Guess
Less talk, more nakedness
2008-01-14 22:40:00 This morning I was all annoyed because Steve wouldn’t put away his laundry so I was getting all sassy. He was having trouble focusing on my anger because I’m in a bathrobe and he’s thinking about me being naked. He’s following me up the steps and says “You know, you’re a lot less hot when you’re ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Talk , Nakedness
Then we can talk about Karma, Biotch.
2008-01-13 02:24:00 OH. MY. GOD! I received my worst sparring injury to date. I discovered over the last few weeks that my roundhouse knee to the stomach is one of my strongest techniques. So I was sparring with Steve today and went in for a hard roundhouse knee but when I went to lower my knee, it hurt really ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Karate , Talk , Karma
Call me Sporto again and I?m going to the bonfire?
2008-01-10 20:13:00 I forgot to tell you guys that I got invited to a bonfire by a nineteen year old friend of my cousin. It’s funny to even type that. Anyway when Steve called that night I told him about it and he flipped. He got ALL jealous and chit. I’m still grinning because it’s funny. Then he’s ... More About: Humor , Family , Travel , Marriage , Doctors
Delicious and?.. green??
2008-01-10 01:40:00 I think I got side-tracked hiding bodies and forgot to tell you about the rest of my Louisiana trip. There are certain foods I can only get in Louisiana. My absolute favorite is called doberge cake. Years ago you could ONLY get this cake at a handful of bakeries in the New Orleans area. Since hurricane Katrina, ... More About: Humor , Family , Cooking , Food
I hide body?
2008-01-09 00:02:00 Sometimes the most bizarre things spawn a new age of phrases in our house. Last week we saw this and laughed our asses off: “I hide body” has been the new catchphrase in our house. The other day when someone annoyed me I told Steve “Dun worry. I hide body.” This morning I get a text ... More About: Humor , Family , Marriage , Cats , Body
And somebody blew up my Porsche!
2008-01-08 01:56:00 Remember the movie Another 48 hours? Where Reggie Hammond says “All right, knock this shit off! I HAVE BEEN HAVING A VERY BAD DAY! I just got out of jail this morning! Already I’ve been shot at, I was on a bus that flipped over seventeen times, bitch tried to stab me in the back ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Coffee , Karate , Porsche
The passport photo debacle of 2008
2008-01-05 02:06:00 The other day Steve came in and said that we needed to renew our passports although they aren’t expiring until June. He gets these annoying bees in his bonnet and then is obsessed with it. So he nagged me until I filled out the paperwork. Then he kept saying we needed to take our pictures every five ... More About: Humor , Photo , Travel , Marriage , Passport
Other signs and symptoms I?ve been in Louisiana?.
2008-01-03 18:06:00 It’s not just the ya’ll that’s coming out my mouth. I haven’t pronounced the “r” at the end of a word in over a week (like buttah and suppah.) Do you know I heard myself saying “Where you at?” mostly because it was easier. I also heard myself referring to getting out of the car as “gettin’ ... More About: Humor , Family , Travel , Louisiana , Signs
Louisiana. The day after Christmas?..
2008-01-02 19:50:00 Oh Laaaaaawwwwwdddd, ya’ll. I am BACK. And back with that Louisiana draaaawwwwwllll. Sigh. I heard son #1 say the following during the trip “Ya’ll are………ohmygod…..d id I just say ya’ll?……ohmygod! I did!……….. If that slips out at school I am DEAD! I will never hear the end of it! OHMYGOD! I said ya’ll!!!!….. Mom? We can’t ... More About: Christmas , Humor , Family , Travel
Merry Christmas and Years of Therapy?
2007-12-25 20:58:00 Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas . I am off to Louisiana tomorrow to see my Grandma so blogging may be sparse for the next week. I leave you with the gingerbread house made by son #1…. He strapped Gingy to the roof in a most disturbing fashion: I know, it scares me too… ;D ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood , Years
Because I love you all?
2007-12-24 19:20:00 You just got RickRolled. I subscribe to slang o’ the day on Google and this was today’s slang. Origin: Computer/Internet Slang Definition: Being duped into watching a Rick Astley YouTube video. Just so you know, I was brutally RickRolled first. I made sure I RickRolled Steve and the kids too. Son #1 stared wide eyed and slack jawed ... More About: Love , Blogs , I Love You
HO HO HO! Merry Christmas Blogosphere!
2007-12-24 04:31:00 Steve and I created and recorded a special little message for you all here. Have a wonderful Christmas and may all your dreams come true in the new year! Many blessings to you all, Helen More About: Blogosphere , Merry Christmas , Merry
You suck, Barnes and Noble!
More articles from this author:2007-12-21 22:01:00 Bah Humbug. My Christmas good cheer was ruined today by Barnes and Noble . On December 13 I placed a big online order (about a third of the total gifts for the kids and Steve- yeah we like books here!) When I checked out, it said the order would be here in three business days. Well today ... More About: Rant , Suck 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
 |
|
 |
