I forgot where I was going with this...I forgot where I was going with this...A humorous perspective on parenting, marriage, geeks, fitness, badly behaving labradors, and vegetables. Where the dog takes Prozac and wifely duties meet the fashion challenges of food stains and bloating. Justice is not sought here, only silence. 
Articles
Everytime I?ve sat down to write?.
2009-09-09 21:10:00 So much time has passed that every time I’ve sat down to write, I felt like I needed to catch you up on everything and the thought of doing that was overwhelming. So I’d get up and walk away and tell myself I’d do it later, and somehow six whole months slipped by. Geez. How’d ... More About: Write , Blogs
So how does bug taste?
2009-07-22 21:48:00 Steve: Uh, I think I just ate a bug. Son #1: (nonchalantly, as if this happens every day) What did it taste like? Steve: Kinda insect-y. More About: Humor , Marriage , Blogs , Motherhood , Taste
Alright, whose jackin? my chickens?!
2009-07-08 22:54:00 I am no longer hip. No wait, I’m even less than hip, I’ve totally screwed the pooch on my hipness. I even messed up Boom Boom Pow. When I asked the kids who was jackin’ my chickens they started laughing and couldn’t stop. Literally, they laughed for half an hour and “jackin’ my chickens” has ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood
Washing the dog by son #2
2009-05-29 04:44:00 Did you ever want to play with your dog but he or she was too dirty? Well I didn’t. I have a dog named Simba. First, I wanted to play with Simba but he was too dirty. He was covered in mud. YUK! Second, we got dog shampoo, dish soap and lemon juice. Don’t ask me ... More About: Dogs
To my darling spouse:
2009-03-31 03:08:00 Dear Spouse, See that eye twitch? It’s your spawn. The day started with an MMA fight at 8:30 am, which resulted in both kids screaming and crying in pain. Do you have any idea how hard it is to break up a fight with one arm and not even be able to use the bad arm ... More About: Humor , Children , Marriage , Motherhood , Darling
Thank you for all of the well wishes
2009-03-19 19:27:00 (Secretary Steve is typing this as I dictate) Surgery went well. The orthopedist told me that he would end up doing one of two possible repairs: one with a short 4-6 week recovery time and one with a 4 month recovery time. Unfortunately, the tear in my wrist was such that I required the Super Size ... More About: Humor , Medical , Wishes
It?s all about the JOURNEY to black belt, right?
2009-03-16 20:09:00 Even with Scout’s sneaky attempt to get me blogging again, I’m afraid this will be my last blog entry for awhile. On Wednesday I’m having surgery on my left wrist. I’m being told I will be in a fingers to shoulder brace that locks out all motion for the next four months. Remember the wrist ... More About: Vegetarian , Medical , Karate , Journey , Martial Arts
I?m Steve. I?m her husband and handler, and I?m media trained.
2009-03-08 21:20:00 I’m shy. I’m sure it’s why people think I’m so sweet until they get to know me. Anyone who knows me would never describe me as sweet. A friend of ours, Bill, told me years ago that he initially thought I was sweet and innocent. Until he sat down next to me before one of ... More About: Media , Humor , Cats , Steve , Blogs
Pssst. Come over here.
2009-03-05 07:03:00 Psssssttt! Come here! Where did all these people come from? I can’t tell from the blog stats. And they’re all LOOKING at me. It’s like……they’re WATCHING me. It’s creeping me out. I’ve gotten a whole day’s worth of traffic in 3 hours. Is there like, a toilet seat cover hanging out the back of my ... More About: Cats , Blogs
My Super Powers
2009-03-04 05:04:00 One of my many super powers is the ability to detect in minute detail when someone is acting suspicious. Especially in a retail environment. I don’t know if it was my many years working for Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom or whether I had this ability beforehand. I neither have to be looking around nor paying ... More About: Blogs , Super
For your entertainment/horror. Depends on how you looks at it.
2009-03-03 19:42:00 Click here and you decide. Fine print: Not responsible for the horror…. More About: Entertainment , Food , Horror
Why are cat testicles bringing people to my blog?
2009-03-02 03:26:00 Anyone? Anyone? While perusing my search engine terms that brought traffic to my blog this week, I am again reminded of the seedy underbelly of the internet. Because cat testicles weren’t the only problem. There were also angry sloths, the ever-present devil sex, resistant “armpit bacteria”, hideous variations of horrible feet things like: foot job, foot ... More About: Cats , People , Blogs , Blog , Testicles
Baby got LoJack
2009-02-24 21:56:00 I got a funny phone call from my Dad the other night and have been giggling about it ever since. Two of my siblings have had babies over the last couple of months. My sister had her baby on Valentine’s Day and my dad was complaining about the discharge from the hospital and the conversation ... More About: Humor , Baby , Children , Motherhood
A letter to the president by son #2
2009-01-18 21:48:00 Dear President -Elect Barack Obama, I have some great advice on how to make our country a better place to live. First, I would make smoking illegal. I would do that because the population would be bigger and I mean bigger because less people would die. Oh and I almost forgot, will you try to be elected again? You ... More About: Politics , Letter , The President
Inhaling powdered sugar almost causes fatality
2009-01-16 01:20:00 Seattle, WA (AP)- In a freak accident, a Seattle housewife almost died today after inhaling powdered sugar while eating a cookie. Gasping for breath, her son looked on and giggled and her spouse laughed hysterically after hearing of the incident. Neither lifted a finger and called 911. While the incident appears to an accident, the ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Sugar , Motherhood , Fatality
Ok I?m going to fess up?
2009-01-05 20:12:00 I mentioned last time that the new version of WordPress had thrown me and that’s why I wasn’t writing. I absolutely HATE having to completely relearn how to use software just because somebody thought it would be “cool” to have everything look completely different. Call me a dinosaur, I am NOT hip and young. If ... More About: Fess
Just when the internetz got fixed, I thought I saw some dead people?
2008-12-05 06:47:00 WordPress completely changed the UI. Can I say how pleased I am? I’ve been having connection issues for a month. Yep a whole month without a connection that would last for more than a few seconds. Yesterday Steve finally figured out the problem: son #1 had plugged in a new phone in his room and ... More About: People , Thought , Dead , Fixed , Dead People
I think I may have stepped in Geek.
2008-11-25 23:15:00 I’m back from Spain. As usual, I’m waiting for Steve to give me the photos off his laptop so I can finish blogging about Spain. No pressure, dear. The computers are broken (he’s trying to say it’s the ISP), half the lightbulbs in the house are burned out (Heather, I need your help here) and I’m pretty sure he ... More About: Humor , Marriage , Microsoft , Geeks , Nerd
I got tear gassed in Paris; I know what I?m doing.
2008-11-15 22:32:00 After a harrowing flight between Seattle and Paris (can you say screaming twins next to me and a fat guy taking up half my seat too?) I arrived safely in Spain . I got in at noon but was so exhausted I had to sleep for a few hours when I got there. (Just so you know? ... More About: Humor , Travel , Madrid , Barcelona
Campaign Stump Speech by son #1
2008-11-05 06:24:00 Hi! I’m son #1 and I’m running for student council. There are a couple of reasons I would be a good student council member. I’m very creative I’m smart enough to find loop holes in every word teachers say I can stay organized and speak in front of the class (you would be surprised to know how many people can’t!!!) Also, ... More About: Politics , Humor , Children , Campaign , Speech
It?s election day!
2008-11-04 22:22:00 GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless you’re a Democrat. In which case, you need to vote tomorrow. They are asking all Democrats to vote tomorrow and Republicans to vote today in order to avoid complete and utter chaos. More About: Election
Word of the day by son #2
2008-11-04 07:43:00 Etiquette: These are some good etiquette rules that I follow: Don’t talk with your moth full, and put your napkin on your lab. I hate it when people talk with full moths. Yes folks, he spelled etiquette right but not mouth and lap. More About: Humor , Children , Word , Motherhood , Word of the Day
What?s wrong with education in America
2008-11-03 18:21:00 No lie, this is an email that was accidentally sent to me today by a LITERACY teacher in New Jersey: Dear Parents, This is to inform you that your child ahs missed 3 or more homework assignments to date in Reading. There will be a bright orange ?missing homework? slip for you to sign tonight when your child ... More About: America , Education , Children , Rant , Literacy
Have you ever wondered what an asshat would look like?
2008-10-30 22:05:00 Well Percy Wells drew you the visual! Anyway, I just thought I’d show you in case you were wondering. All righty then. I have been addicted to Facebook lately. However, I find Facebook far less satisfying than blogging. It’s kinda cool to say hi to people you haven’t seen in a long time and to stay ... More About: Humor , Family , Children , Karate , Martial Arts
A gold and two silvers?
2008-10-27 06:04:00 I won a gold and two silvers! I am tired and sore so I’ll blog about the tournament later. Our family took home a total of nine medals. Here are some photos to keep you entertained until I can blog it. Enjoy! More About: Karate , Gold
Quote for the day by son #2
2008-10-24 19:23:00 Success is not listening to what people say about you, just be yourself. -son #2 More About: Children , Quote
Whatever Wednesday
2008-10-22 03:59:00 Ok so I know I’m totally late to the party, but I just discovered Facebook. And I discovered that Facebook is very hard to work. Even harder than my blog. I’ve had a lot of coaching by Jesse, however, you should know that Jesse tried to trick me into putting a bumper sticker on my wall ... More About: Sports , Karate , Wednesday
Well if he didn?t need therapy before, he does now.
2008-10-20 03:32:00 Many years ago, this poster: terrified my son. It was hanging up in a place we used to frequent and he would scream his lungs out every time he saw it. I would have to go out of my way to avoid the place or avert his eyes while we passed until Halloween was over. In ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood , Therapy
I am now embarassing to my children. So I?m going for broke.
More articles from this author:2008-10-16 22:20:00 For some reason, my second grader has decided this year that it is embarassing for me to give him a hug and kiss in the morning. I had to chase him for half a block a few weeks ago to get my kiss and hug in. I paid for that with severe knee pain from ... More About: Humor , Children , Motherhood , Embarassing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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