Sweeny Todd's CookbookSweeny Todd's CookbookResident Chef Gordon Rumsey offers fellow cannibals some tasty recipes! Articles
An Important Announcement!
2007-07-17 12:46:00 Hearken! Let it be known in the Kingdom of Blogs that the Great Malakas, God of the bloggers, has this day spoken unto you! Here is his message...I, MALAKAS, HAVE COMMANDED THAT THIS BLOG BE SUSPENDED UNTIL SUCH TIME AS THERE HAVE BEEN SOME REPEAT VISITS.Remember: all bloggers must bow to the will of the Great Malakas. More About: Announcement , Import , Anno
Hints On Preparation (1)
2007-07-16 12:57:00 Before we get down to any serious cooking I reckon I should talk about the preparation and storage of – and let’s not be coy about this – human flesh. Whilst cannibalism is still a crime we need to find a secure place away from prying eyes. Don’t make the same fucking mistake as the daft twat who was preparing a cadaver on the kitchen table when the Vicar came round! A garden shed is fine – just as long as it’s kept clean. Only a total idiot would prepare their food on a table filled with oily rags and rusty nails. Keep your tools and lawn mower somewhere else. And do the preparation at night when there’s no one about. The illustration below shows the correct way to remove the limbs. In this case the chef is clearly about to cook a nice Leg of Man.Bon Appetite! More About: Hints , Preparation , Prep
Visitors
2007-07-14 14:50:00 I’ve just been checking the stats and discovered that every visitor to this blog has come from America. This blog is for cannibals. Where did Hannibal Lecter come from? Work it out for yourselves. I reckon I’ll pass this information onto the Dean of the Royal College of Cod Science and Philosophy, (you’ll find him on the Gay Anarchist blog.) More About: Visitors , Sito
Tasty Crisps
2007-07-13 12:34:00 Another type of "Walkers!"As promised I’m going to tell you how to make tasty crisps from the hard skin on the heels of a corpse. First you need to select the right cadaver. My favorites are down and outs. Some people call them dossers, others tramps. The best time to pick them is in the early morning when they’re fresh. You’ll find them in cardboard boxes or sleeping bags down back alleys and in shop doorways. But make sure the bugger’s dead or you’ll get into trouble. These people provide the best source of hard skin because they do a lot of walking and they’re not the sort to pamper their feet with exotic fucking lotions.The skin can be sliced off using a chef’s knife. Wrinkled skin from an old dosser makes great crinkle cut crisps. Drop them into a frying pan containing hot fat and fry until dark brown. Two of my favorite varieties are eczema and bacon, (the flakes of skin are soaked overnight in a bacon-flavored marinade), and acne and garlic. I have my own brand ... More About: Crisps , Cris
A Hairy Story
2007-07-12 16:13:00 I read somewhere about this guy doing his National Service in the RAF who was posted to work in the kitchen in the officers mess. Well, there was this one female officer who really pissed him off. So, when she asked for a fried egg sandwich, he put some of his pubic hairs on it! Brilliant, eh? About these fucking visitor stats. That poor pratt who runs the Chav Appreciation Society blog has only had a couple. So I reckon we should count ourselves lucky. Still no takers on my offer to cook some poor bugger. Anyway, what the hell! Next time I’ll show you how to make crisps using the hard skin from the heels of a corpse. Look out Walkers! You’ve got competition. Talking about Walkers, I’d love to roast that twat who advertises them. More About: Story , Hairy , Tory
Is someone taking the piss or what?
2007-07-11 22:19:00 Bloody hell! What’s the fucking game? Wallygrange school get seven visitors and I only get two? Come on, you’re having me on. This is supposed to be the UK's worst school. More About: Piss , Taking , Some
Gordon’s a busy man, so no recipes until he gets s...
2007-07-08 22:22:00 Gordon’s a busy man, so no recipes until he gets some requests! More About: Recipes , Busy , Reci , Ordo
SWEENY TODD’S COOKBOOK
“If Mother Nature hadn’t i...
2007-07-08 22:18:00 SWEENY TODD’S COOKBOOK“If Mother Natur e hadn’t intended us to be baked in pies,She wouldn’t have made us so edible!”Sweeny Todd .Mrs Beeton had her famous cookbook - so why not Sweeny? The book started as a collection of recipes penned by the famous Fleet Street barber. Then, in 1844, a friend who owned a small publishing firm in Bishopsgate put the recipes down in the form of a pamphlet. The pamphlet then became a book that was circulated underground amongst discerning connoisseurs of human flesh. The original edition, printed in Paris, was rather slim and covered recipes for pies and sausage rolls. However, in 1900, the book was extended to include a variety of dishes, both from this country and abroad.Those who imagine cannibalism died out with the coming of modern civilization may be surprised to learn that these so-called barbaric practices have continued to flourish right up to the 21st Century. One has only to recall the ovens at Auschwitz to come up with a modern e... More About: Mother Nature
Traditional Eyerish Stew – real seefood! Hey, Jam...
2007-07-08 22:16:00 Traditional Eyerish Stew – real seefood! Hey, Jamie! This is one for the pupils! Get it? More About: Real , Traditional , Yeri
I found this paper boy who'd been the victim of a ...
2007-07-08 22:14:00 I found this paper boy who'd been the victim of a hit and run. Unlucky for him, but lucky for me! As you see, I’ve cooked him on a bed of rice. More About: Paper , The V , Been , Victim
A famous Lancashire dish, cockages and mash. A rea...
2007-07-08 22:13:00 A famous Lancashire dish, cockages and mash. A real favorite with the females! More About: Famous , Cock , Dish , Mash , Ages
Poster on a wall in London’s East End advertising ...
2007-07-08 22:12:00 Poster on a wall in London’s East End advertising Sweeny Todd’s famous pies. In Victorian times strays and waifs often ended up either in the workhouse or in someone’s lunch box. More About: Advertising , Poster , Wall , Vert |
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