Hammer Uncut Hammer Uncut A humorous look at the world around us. Interviews, reviews, videos, social commentary, rants, raves, and whatever else I decide to talk about. Articles
Smoking is Hazardous to Your Health
2007-03-09 06:08:01 This is rather bizarre anti-smoking commercial, but I bet whether you smoke or not, you’ll think twice before you walk out onto a balcony any time soon. More About: Health , Haz , Your , Smoking , King
Signs of the Times
2007-03-09 00:07:01 This is a crazy world we live in. Just look at the signs. It’s true, but at least they’re being honest. I understand they named the pitcher’s mound, ‘Boot Hill’. If I had a nickle for every asshole… When will people learn to wear condoms? More About: Time , Signs , Sign , Times , The Times
Man?s Electric Bill is Just Pennies
2007-03-09 00:07:01 An Illinois man is fed up with high electric rates, which he says jumped nearly 200% in one month. To show his displeasure, he’s going to pay his bill in pennies. 52,662 of them. Robert Hancock made arrangements with a local bank to get the coins and mail the money for him, but the postage is going to be a bit steep. In order to make a point, he’s going to spend $50 in postage costs to mail his $526.62 electric bill. I wonder how happy his neighbors will be when their bills go up again next month because the power company passed on the cost of dealing with over 300 pounds of pennies. Source: Associated Press More About: Just , Electric , Penn , Bill
Eat Mor Indian Chikin
2007-03-08 12:06:01 The award-winning “Eat Mor Chikin” marketing campaign used by fast food chicken chain Chick-fil-A has been extremely successful since 1995, but in a bizarre twist, apparently one of their bovine models took the slogan a bit too seriously. When 48 chickens disappeared over a one-month period in the remote village of West Bengal, India , everyone blamed it on the local dogs. However, when Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, staked out the cow shed — which also serves as the chicken coop — he discovered that his sacred cow was actually the one devouring the chickens alive. Ajit’s brother, Gour Ghosh said, “Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat,” Gour Ghosh, brother, said. According to the district’s veterinarian, the strange behavior is possible in some cases and he believes a lack of vital minerals drove... More About: Indian , Dian
Super New Self-Help Technique
2007-03-07 00:04:02 Staff Sergeant Edmundo Estrada has come up with an unusual way to beat depression and improve self confidence. A soldier recently told Estrada that he was feeling depressed, so the Staff Sergeant suggested a technique that he had used to help other soldiers with excellent results. The technique involves dressing up in a Super man costume and letting Sergeant Estrada perform sexual acts on your little man of steel. Unfortunately the technique didn’t work in this soldier’s case, so he complained to superiors and Sergeant Estrada has been charged with indecent assault. He is scheduled to appear in a military court in April, but remains on active duty. There’s just no pleasing some people and stories like this make me wonder if it’s really worth trying to help anyone these days. Source: Associated Press edmundo, sexual acts, soldier, staff sergeant, superman costumeedmundo, sexual acts, soldier, staff sergeant, superman costume More About: Tech , Technique , Self , Help
$1.8 Million Bugatti Veyron Wrecked
2007-03-07 00:04:02 Just last week I posted a video of the Bugatti Veyron supercar in action, actually taken to it’s top speed of 253 mph by the guys from Top Gear. Today I bring you the sad news of the very first known Veyron accident. Considering they cost in excess of $1.5 million, you really don’t want to wreck one, but this guy did. The accident occurred near Surrey in the UK and the driver was reportedly doing approximately 100 mph on a 40 mph stretch of road. The driver of the car was not the owner, but had rented it for nearly $40,000 a day. The owner reported that he had paid $1.8 million for the car, which is more than the list price. It’s not yet known if the car can be repaired, but a Bugatti spokesman said, ?If it can be repaired, it will be quickly and efficiently. The owner will be looking at a substantial bill.? No shit! Source: The Sun. Photographs courtesy LaurieGriffiths.com. accident, bugatti veyron, crash, wreckedaccident, bugatti veyron, crash, wrecked More About: Lion , Bugatti Veyron , Million
Rollin? Down the Highway Rollin? One
2007-03-06 18:04:01 Let’s suppose for a moment that you’re a drug dealer and you’re driving down the highway with 43 pounds of marijuana in the trunk of your car. C’mon, just pretend. It’ll be fun. Now let’s suppose you’re a real dumbass and you’ve snorted some coke and fired up a big fat one because you’re bored and you’ve been driving for several hours and well… you’re a dumbass. Up ahead, there’s been a nasty accident and two highway patrolmen have parked their cars in each lane of northbound I-95 which has caused a nice big traffic jam. Now, here’s the fun part. Ask yourself, out of all of those cars, which one would you rather crash into? No you can’t stop. You’re a dumbass, remember? You have to pick one because you’re going to crash, I just need to know which one. What? You didn’t pick one of the state trooper’s cars? You’re no fun, but fortunately 54 year-old Howard R. Fish... More About: Roll , Down , High , Highway
Steven Wilshire, the Human Camera
2007-03-06 06:03:01 This is absolutely astounding. I don’t care whether he only saw the city once in a 45 minute helicopter ride or lived there all of his life, this is still mind blowing. More About: Hire , Steve , Camera , Human , Uman
No Such Thing as Bad Publicity
2007-03-06 00:02:02 Citizens of Kazakhstan have been concerned that comedian Sacha Baron-Cohen’s portrayal of an outrageous TV reporter in the film Borat would have a negative impact, but obviously they don’t understand the first rule of marketing. All publicity is NIIIIICE. Located in Central Asia, Kazakhstan is the world’s ninth largest country, but until recently, tourism hasn’t exactly been one of their more popular resources. Now, thanks to Borat, tourism is booming and in a new poll, thousands of travelers have picked Kazakhstan as their #1 must-see destination for 2007. Although I believe the poll was conducted by a Kazakh company. Thing s must be picking up, because Radison has just opened a new luxury hotel in the northern city of Astana and the national airline, Air Astana, has added a third weekly flight from the UK. Frequent flyers will be happy to hear that passengers are no longer allowed to bring goats and chickens on board in their carry-on luggage. Tourists will... More About: Public , Publicity , City , Such
Doctor Claims Girl Made Him do it
2007-03-05 12:01:01 An 11-year old girl was inline skating near her house when 54 year old Dr. Alexander Dlugi startled her. When the girl attempted to get away from him, he nailed her from behind. The doctor claims that while he was riding his bike on his neighborhood street in 2003, he came up behind then 11-year old Lauren Ellis inline skating. He shouted “watch out” and rang his bicycle bell which startled the girl and when she attempted to move out of his way, accidentally moved left and directly into his path. The two collided and although the girl suffered only minor bruises, the doctor broke his collar bone when he tumbled from his bicycle. Dlugi’s attorney, Thomas Jardim, says the doctor’s injury did not heal properly so he underwent surgery in 2004 and lost a considerable amount of time at work at the clinic that he owned. The doctor now has difficulty sleeping and has lost mobility in his right shoulder and can no longer enjoy sports like swimming, tennis and bicycli... More About: Girl , Made , Claims , Doctor
Wow, Your Mom is Really Hot!
2007-03-05 12:01:01 If you’re going to strip for your boyfriend watching on his webcam, make sure you lock the door. More About: Wow , Your , Real , Really , Ally
Columnist Ann Coulter a Homophobe
2007-03-03 23:59:01 Controversial columnist Ann Coulter called John Edwards a ‘faggot’ during a speech at the 34th annual Conservative Political Action Conference and the audience laughed. I’m all for free speech, but I don’t care if you’re Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, straight or gay, white or black, American or European, this should piss you off, because it’s just plain wrong. Instead of nervously laughing the audience should have booed, or at the very least kept silent. The thing that strikes me funny about her homophobic comments (this isn’t the first time) is that I’ve always pegged her as a lesbian or maybe even a tranny. ann coulter, faggot, john edwardsann coulter, faggot, john edwards More About: Column
Saddam Hussein Resurrected
2007-03-03 23:59:01 As unbelievable as it seems, Saddam Hussein is alive. Our government attempted to cover the incident up, but somehow this amazing video surfaced earlier today. The coincidence is amazing, but could this have anything to do with the discovery of the tomb containing the remains of Jesus Christ which proves that he was never actually resurrected? Is it possible that Hussein was resurrected as some sort of sign? Be warned, the video is shocking. alive, resurrected, saddam husseinalive, resurrected, saddam hussein More About: Rect
Pole Sitting Protest Cut Short
2007-03-03 23:59:01 Fred Gregor, a 45-year old lathe operator from Germany, decided to move into a box he built on top of a pole to protest his pending jail term. He had been convicted of fraud and sentenced to 15 months in prison and apparently in Germany, if you come up with a ridiculous enough form of protest they’ll actually change a court’s ruling. Either that, or he was just a nut. Unfortunately we’ll never know if the protest would have worked, because he only lasted 10 days. He didn’t come down because he got bored (he had installed a radio antenna), and he didn’t run out of food or water, because his wife had been sending it up to him. He came down because his libido got the best of him after his wife sent up a topless photo of herself in his lunch box. It’s a damn shame too, because I’m sure that living in a tiny box on top of a pole with no plumbing, heating or air conditioning would have been far better than living in a tiny cell in a prison. Sour... More About: Protest , Test , Short , Pole , Prot
Sex, Drugs and Rock ?n Roll
2007-03-02 11:57:01 The three go together like a man, a woman and a can of whip cream. Scantily clad strippers and porn stars are almost a requirement in rock ‘n roll videos and now we have another rock/porn marriage made in… well, wherever those kinds of marriages are performed. Vivid Entertainment has teamed up with Schecter Guitars to bring musicians the hottest thing in guitars since Jimi Hendrix set his on fire. Shecter’s new guitar line is expected to be available in March and the first two guitars in the series portray the likenesses of Vivid stars Briana Banks and Stefani Morgan. The guitars sell for $899 and use Schecter’s Tempest body. Visit Vivid Guitars and order yours now. Briana and Stefani are ready to rock your world. briana banks, jimi hendrix, porn stars, schecter guitars, stefani morgan, tempest, vivid entertainmentbriana banks, jimi hendrix, porn stars, schecter guitars, stefani morgan, tempest, vivid entertainment More About: Drugs , Rock , Rock N Roll , Roll , Rugs
S&M Tool Sales Take Off
2007-02-28 23:55:01 When you’re choosing a name for your shiny new company, you might want to consider how it sounds before you actually incorporate. Too bad the guys that started S&M Tool named the company while they were drunk. This is an actual article from the Green Bay Press Gazette. Posted on Humor-Blogs.com s&m, tools&m, tool More About: Sales , Sale , Take
Breaking Away Cyclist Outruns Cops
2007-02-28 17:54:01 I don’t know why this cyclist is running from the cops, but it’s still fun to watch. FYI, the world record speed for a peddle-powered bicycle is 167 mph. More About: Break , List , Cops , King , Breaking
Two Buddies Having Fun with S&M Tool
2007-02-28 17:54:01 When you’re choosing a name for your shiny new company, you might want to consider how it sounds before you actually incorporate. Too bad the fishing buddies that started S&M Tool named their company while they were drunk. This is an actual article from the Green Bay Press Gazette. Posted on Humor-Blogs.com More About: Fun , With , Having fun , Ving
Michigan Going to the Dogs
2007-02-27 23:52:01 Warning: This post is disgusting. I admit it and just wanted to warn you to proceed at your own risk and don’t complain to me if you have nightmare’s or can’t have sex for a few weeks. Judge Joseph K.Sheeran ruled Friday that the orginal charges against a Saginaw, Mich igan man would stand despite the fact that Michigan has no law that explicitly defines sex with a dead dog as a crime. Ronald E. Kuch, 45, faces charges of sodomy, indecent exposure and resisting an Animal Control officer. If he’s convicted on any of the charges, he could be sentenced to anywhere from one day to 15 years in prison. I’m bucking for the 15 years. Kuch is accused of having sex with his girlfriend’s DEAD dog that had been hit by a car and killed a week earlier. The man was discovered having ’sexual relations’ (thanks Bill) with the animal near the Forest Day Care Center by a teacher who was leading the Animal Control officer to the body of the dead dog so he... More About: Dogs , The D , Going
Britney Enlists Heading for Iraq
2007-02-27 23:52:01 A few days ago I broke the story that Britney Spears had shaved her head and confided in friends that she was planning on having a sex change operation. As you can see from this photo, the hormones are kicking in and she’s bulking up. Word has it that she secretly enlisted in the Marines and is excited at the prospect of fighting for her country in Iraq . Britney told the recruiting officer, “I’m dying to get over there and shoot me some terrorists. HOORAH!” Posted on Humor-Blogs.com britney spears, iraq, marines, sex change operation, terroristsbritney spears, iraq, marines, sex change operation, terrorists More About: Lists , List , Head
The Next Best Thing to an Orgasm
2007-02-27 05:51:01 Any guy that can watch this video and not feel light headed and left trying to figure out how to come up with the $1.7 million he’d need to buy this awesome 253 mph (407km) per hour Bugatti Veyron must be in a coma. Then again, this video might just bring him out of it. My apologies for sounding sexist. I’m sure you ladies will enjoy it too, but probably not on the same primal level. More About: The N , Best , Next , The Next Best Thing , Thing
Bald Britney Spears Paper Doll
2007-02-27 05:51:01 Would you like to have a bald Britney Spears paper doll sitting on your desk? Of course you would, who wouldn’t? Click on the small image to open the large file, then print, cut and fold. Email your photos of your Britney paper doll in action to me and I’ll post them to my Flickr gallery. Let’s see how creative you can be, and remember, Britney loves to party. Tips: Cut all the black outlines and fold on the gray ones. I used tape which seemed to work okay, but you’ll need patience and a bit of manual dexterity. p.s. You’ll want to keep a close eye on Britney. This tequila bottle was full when I set her next to it. I went to get my camera and when I came back it was empty. Source: tattler.ru More About: Pear , Paper
It?s All in the Name
2007-02-26 17:50:02 I’ve registered a lot of domains over the years and every once in a while I come up with a URL that sounds good, but doesn’t look quite as good on paper. I wouldn’t have registered any of these names, but I’m glad someone did so I could make fun of them. Looking for the name of your favorite celebrity’s agent or a nice gift for a prostitute? www.whorepresents.com Need expert programming advice or do you feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body? www.expertsexchange.com Interested in buying a new pen or were you hoping to find out more about the resorts in Penis Land? www.penisland.net Looking for a good therapist or are you trying to locate a rapist? www.therapistfinder.com The priests at the First Cumming Methodist Church are selfish bastards. www.cummingfirst.com Need to hire a really fast art director or did you fart in your Speedo? www.speedofart.com Interested in a Lake Tahoe vacation or just bragging about your girlfriend? www.gotahoe.com Wa... More About: The N , Name
Seeing is Unbelieving
2007-02-26 11:49:02 Before you read any further, see if you can guess what this is. I’ll give you a hint besides what it obviously looks like. It’s a periscope. No, it’s not a periscope for the world’s smallest submarine. Nope, it’s not a compact purse-sized periscope for seeing over the ladies sitting in front of you at the ballet. Let’s go back to what it looks like and see if the next clue helps you out. It vibrates. Okay, for those of you that are still scratching your heads, it’s a Pleasure Periscope and you insert it into the vagina or anus so you can look inside. D’oh! Now that you know what it is, will someone please tell me who the hell, besides a gynecologist or proctologist, would want one of these things. For those wacko would-be gynecologists among you that actually do want one, you can order one here. More About: Seeing , Ving
How to Live to be 107 Years Old
2007-02-25 17:48:01 Chan Chi, you’ve lived to be 107, what are you going to do now? “I’m going to quit smoking.” Huh? Okay, I’m sure the reason he didn’t say “I’m going to Disney World” is because he lives in a small village in Hong Kong, but if you managed to live 107 years would you really worry about smoking now? But wait, I haven’t gotten to the good part yet. To what does Mr. Chi attribute his longevity? A low-fat diet, daily exercises at dawn, and… no sex for the past 80 years. WTF? The man has smoked for decades and considers sex to be a vice? In an interview, Chan said that he’s found the pleasure of tobacco harder to resist than that of sex. Oh, and it’s not like he’s never had sex so he doesn’t have anything to compare it to. He was happily married when he was a young man, but his wife was killed during WWII, when he was thirty. All I can say is that the tobacco companies should be stumbling over them... More About: How To , Live , Years , Year , Ears
What Every Elegant Bathroom Needs
2007-02-25 05:47:01 If you’re the kind of person that takes pride in their home like I do, chances are that your bathroom is a showplace. You’ve probably spent a considerable amount of money on quartz sinks, faucets that look like works of art, expensive lighting fixtures, Italian marble counter tops and custom tile on the floor and walls. I bet you even have a really fancy gold-plated toilet paper holder. There’s only one thing wrong with this Architectural Digest picture. Just think, there you are, sitting on your state-of-the-art porcelain throne, surrounded by opulence that would bring a tear to Martha Stewart’s eye, reaching for the same boring roll of white toilet paper that your maid buys for the bathroom in her trailer. Disgusting, but what choice do you have? Renova black toilet paper. It’s been a hit in Europe for years and now it’s finally made it’s way to America. This soft, 3-ply, biodegradable, non-toxic, fragrant bath tissue paper comes packed t... More About: Bath , Bathroom , What , Hat , Ever
The Secret of My Success
2007-02-25 05:47:01 I am often asked how I became so successful and my answer usually is, “It takes a huge ego and some mad marketing skills. You’ve got to get your name in front of the people.” Well, today I thought I’d show you a few examples of what I mean. More About: Success , The Secret , Secret
George Takei Likes it the Hardaway
2007-02-25 05:47:01 Recently, retired NBA All-Star Tim Hard away made some very disparaging remarks about gays during an interview with a Miami radio station and was banned from some NBA-sanctioned appearances he was scheduled to make in Las Vegas as part of the All-Star weekend. He also lost at least one of his endorsement deals, and he ordered his name dropped from advertising at a car wash he owns in Miami to ensure the safety of his employees. “You know, I hate gay people. Let it be known I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States.” George Take i of Star Trek fame and a gay activist had something to say about it, but I don’t think it will be quite what you expected. all star, gay activist, george takei, homophobic, nba, star trek, tim hardawayall star, gay activist, george takei, homophobic, nba, star trek, tim hardaway More About: Away , Like
A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
2007-02-25 05:47:01 A man took $32,000 in cash to a psychic in Bradenton Florida to have it blessed, but the psychic and the money have disappeared. I’m no psychic and even I saw that one coming. Manuel Lanaverde heard an ad the psychic was running on two local radio stations promising that she could change your luck. He arranged an appointment with her and explained that his construction business was floundering. She suggested that he bring her a large amount of money so she could bless it and make his business prosper. The moron… er I mean victim brought her the money the next day and was told that he would need to leave it with her because it would take an entire day to bless the money. I guess she had to bless each bill individually. When he returned the next day to pick up his money, it and the psychic were nowhere to be found. There were however other people there… more idiots that were also finding out that their money was missing as well. I have an aunt that is a psychic and ... More About: Money , Arte , Fool , Part
Bankruptcy Protects Church from Scandal
More articles from this author:2007-02-25 05:47:01 The Roman Catholic Diocese of San Diego distributed a letter to parishioners in the regular weekly bulletin last weekend informing them that they are considering declaring bankruptcy. Bishop Robert Brom says they may have no choice if they can’t reach a fair settlement before going to trial on more than 140 cases of alleged sexual abuse by priests. This tactic of filing for bankruptcy to avoid sex abuse scandal has been used four times by other diocese already and has nothing to do with financial difficulties. According to attorney Andrea Leavitt, the San Diego diocese is very wealthy and owns over 500 pieces of property and lots of insurance. Now let’s hear from the pious fucks that speak for the church. “Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free.” - Pat Buchanan Apparently it’s also the truth that sets pedophile priests free. “Planned parenthood is teaching ki... More About: Church , Scandal , Bankruptcy , Anda , Bank 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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