Hammer Uncut Hammer Uncut A humorous look at the world around us. Interviews, reviews, videos, social commentary, rants, raves, and whatever else I decide to talk about. Articles
New Hope for Blind Hunters
2006-12-17 16:56:01 Texas State Representative Edmund Kuempel has introduced a bill to allow blind people to hunt any game animals that sighted people can hunt. Kuempel says, “This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that’s great.” The bill states that the blind hunter would be required to have a sighted hunter with them. They would also be able to use laser sights and other equipment that sighted hunters are not permitted to use. The suggested method is to mount a pistol scope to the side of the rifle so the sighted hunter can peer through the scope while standing behind the blind hunter and offer aiming instructions. “Okay Bill, aim a bit more to your left. Good, now up a little. A little more. There, that’s it, fire! Oh yeah, great shot! He fell like a sack of bricks. C’mon, let’s hurry on over there so you can touch him and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to hear him take his last breath.” I’m not blind, so I can... More About: Hunter , Hope , Blind , Hunters , Hunt
Dating Site for Conservatives and Gays?
2006-12-17 16:56:01 Ultra conservative talk show host, Sean Hannity, has a dating site “where people of like conservative minds can come together to meet”. The name of the site is HanniDate and it works just like any other online dating site except I doubt that you’ll have much success if you’re a liberal. If you’re familiar with Sean Hannity you know that he’s against gay marriage, but apparently he has no problem with gay’s dating because ‘male seeking male’ is one of the options. Just for grins I searched, and although I won’t say I found a plethora of gay profiles, there were more than I expected. Here are some excerpts from a few of the profiles. Alpha Steve from Decatur, Georgia I’m aganist the gays. i’m looking for some guy BUDDIES to just horse around with and stuff. general macho guy stuff like punching in the shoulder for no reason and drink beer and agressivly wrasslin around in the yard or the livin room for no reason, ... More About: Dating , Site , Conservative , Conservatives , Gays
Sexy Nurses Raise Blood Pressure
2006-12-17 16:56:01 Let’s say that you owned a Hooters styled, themed restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill and had items on the menu like the Quadruple Bypass Burger and Flatliner Fries and you wanted to really play up the theme by having your waitresses dress appropriately. What do you think you might have them dress like? How about nurses? It’s a no brainer and exactly what Heart Attack Grill owner, Jon Basso did. But, guess what? Yep, some people are complaining about it. Several nurses have filed complaints with the Arizona attorney general’s office. Sandy Summers, the executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy says, ?Nurse s are the most sexually fantasized-about profession. We?re asking people, if they?re going to have these fantasies, please don?t make it so public. Move these sexual fantasies to other professions.? Let me know when you’ve stopped laughing and I’ll continue. Move our sexual fantasies to another profession? Maybe like, assembly line wor... More About: Press , Sexy , Blood , Sure
Life Imitates Art Borat Style
2006-12-17 16:56:01 Borat Sagdiyev, an unknown reporter from Kazakhstan, came to the U.S. and won over our hearts and brought us a new awareness of his people and maybe some of what we learned from Borat will help us understand this story. Saparmurat Niyazov, the authoritarian leader (dictator) of Turkmenistan (yeah, that’s a real country) has opened an amusement park in his country’s capital and named it after himself. The World of Turkmenbashi Tales has 54 rides and is intended to give children a better understanding of the world and the history and culture of their people. Niyazov has ordered his people to call him Turkmenbashi, or Father of All Turkmen, hence the name of the amusement park. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m thinking the Father of All Turkmen would be… oh I don’t know… the very first fucking Turkman? I guess maybe he thought the Boss of All Turkmen sounded a little too Soprano like. I’m hoping that Borat will visit the Turkmenbashi park soon... More About: Life , Borat , Style
Big Condoms or Tiny Dicks?
2006-12-17 16:56:01 Now we know why India has the most AIDS patients in the world and a population of 1.1 billion people. The men have small penises. According to a newly released medical study Indian men don’t measure up and most of the condoms on sale in that country are too big. The Indian Council on Medical Research found that 60% of the 1,400 men tested had penises that were at least one inch shorter than international condom sizes and 30% of the men were at least two inches shorter. Considering how many customers we’re talking about I’m sure the condom manufacturers will jump right on producing Indian-sized condoms. It would be the responsible thing to do. This new information also explains why the Kama Sutra was written in India. Unusual positions often become necessary when the tool isn’t adequate for the job. There is one positive aspect to this report though, because now we know where to find the tighest pussies in the world. Source: Agence France Presse More About: Condo , Ondo , Tiny , Dick , Condom
Under New Management
2006-12-09 22:54:02 That has got to be one of the dumbest marketing ideas anyone ever came up with. I was driving in my car listening to the radio this morning and a commercial comes on making a big deal about this car dealership being under new management. You know what? I couldn’t care less, and although they think the commercial is going to make me take a second look, it won’t. Let’s suppose that you’d purchased a car from that dealership before and were unhappy with the experience. Would you seriously consider buying a car there now, just because they are under new management? Now, suppose that you’d never purchased a car from that dealer before. Doesn’t the fact that it’s under new management tell you something about the old management? The logical conclusion is that the old company sold out because they weren’t profitable (probably because of poor management), so now that the commercial has put that negative thought in your mind why would you suspec... More About: Management , Men , Mana , Manage , Under
Christ Followers Call Christians Dorks
2006-12-09 22:54:02 The Community Chris t ian Church is running a campaign to help “people find their way back to God” with a series of videos parodying the new Mac vs PC commercials, titled “Christian No More”. The videos are actually well done and quite funny, but the really hilarious part is that they don’t see the fact that they are Christians making fun of other Christians to make a point. Apparently if you’re a devout Christian, wear a suit to church, carry a bible and listen to Christian music, they’ll laugh at you behind your back and call you a dork. Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 christians commercials community christian church mac vs. pc youtube More About: Dorks
Go Elf Yourself
2006-12-09 04:52:03 Here’s something fun to send your friends, from the folks at Office Max. Upload a photo of yourself, make a few adjustments and poof, you’re an elf. Here’s mine. I don’t think they anticipated the server load because it does seem to take a long time to load at times, and I’m not sure how long the image stays on the server or how long the site will be up, so hurry over and Elf Your self now. Of course you could elf your friends too. I’m sure they’d forgive you… eventually. elf yourself office max More About: Self
Loud Sex Against the Law
2006-12-08 16:51:02 A couple from South Africa have been ordered by the village Chief to wait until after 10 pm to have sex. Neighbors complained to the village elders that the amorous and vocal couple were disturbing their meals and television watching. One neighbor says “I have a nine-year-old boy and he always asks what is happening every time the woman screams.” Does her kid have a short-term memory problem? It seems to me that after he asked the first time and was told that the lady was just happy, kind of like when someone scores a goal in soccer, that the kid wouldn’t have to ask again the next time. The couple was initially ordered to stop making noise by the tribal council, but I guess that didn’t work, so the Chief has ruled that they need to limit their love-making sessions to between the hours of 10 pm and 5 am. Apparently they decided that being woken up in the middle of the night was better than turning the television volume up. Source: Agence France-Presse lou... More About: Again , Loud , The Law
Scratch and Sniff Ad Snafooed
2006-12-08 16:51:02 A clever new marketing campaign has been scuttled by city officials after some idiots raised a stink. Got Milk? marketing campaign billboards at city bus shelters in San Francisco had been treated with scented oil strips that smelled like fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. The idea was that people waiting on the bus would develop a craving for milk. Officials ordered the company responsible for putting up the signs to remove the scented strips after critics expressed concern that (get this) they would be offensive to poor and homeless people because they couldn’t afford to buy sweet treats. You’ve got to be kidding me. Have you ever seen someone use food stamps at a grocery store? I was in line behind two very large ladies just last week and their cart was loaded with soft drinks, chips, candy and cookies. They paid with food stamps and I didn’t see them buy one single nutritious item. Unfortunately for the Dairy Council they also didn’t buy any milk, but I ... More About: Scratch , Sniff
Christmas Pornaments for Your Tree
2006-12-06 22:48:02 Spencer Gifts is bringing a little more Ho, Ho, Ho to your Christ mas party with their line of X-rated Christmas tree ornaments. They can be purchased for $9 at area Spencer’s stores and on their website. The box reads, “Unlike those other elves, we know everyone on the list (even the naughty ones) needs to have a smile and a laugh this time of year.” However (and you knew this was coming), some concerned citizens (read Christians) are demanding that the pornaments be taken off the shelves. Baptist Church Reverend Jim Patterson says, “It is just sad they have to stoop to this kind of thing to defame Christmas. It says we are nothing more than sexual acts or psychical beings and we are much more than that. We are spiritual beings and this is a spiritual holiday. And, why bring it to that level? It makes no sense to me.” What makes no sense to me is how an anatomically correct gingerbread man or Frosty fucking his girlfriend (nice tits) can be seen as defa... More About: Men , Your , Name
Peace on Earth, but not Colorado
2006-12-06 04:47:01 A woman in southwestern Color ado hung this wreath on the side of her house for the holidays. I’m sure we all recognize the peace symbol and considering the well-known holiday phrase, “Peace on earth, good will to men”, one would think the message was quite clear. But noooooo. Not her neighborhood’s homeowners association. They’re fining her $25 a day until she takes it down. Why you ask? Some of her neighbors complained because they have children serving in Iraq and also believe the wreath is a symbol of Satan. Once again the minority seems to be able to dictate what the majority does, because only three residents complained and it’s a 200 home subdivision. Lisa Jensen says, “Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing.” She calculates that the fines will add up to about $1,000, but has no intentions of removing the wreath. The homeowners association sent Ms. Jensen a letter stating that residents were offended... More About: Colorado , Earth , Peace on Earth
Maine Kicks Santa?s Butt
2006-12-05 16:46:02 The Main e Bureau of Liquor Enforcement has been accused of censorship by beer distributor, Shelton Brothers, for barring them from selling a new beer with a label that depicts Sant a holding a pint of brew. I’m thinking the fact that the beer is called Santa’s Butt might have something to do with it too, although that doesn’t seem to be part of the complaint. The Maine Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit contending the state’s actions violate the First Amendment by censoring artistic expression. The state says the label might appeal to children and an MCLU staff attorney says “There is no good reason for the state to censor art, even art found on a beer label.” The label illustration for the English-made Santa’s Butt Winter Porter was painted by Massachusetts artist, Gary A. Lippincott and depicts a rear view of a beer-drinking Santa sitting on a barrel. The beer’s name refers not only to Santa’s ample posterior, but also to the... More About: Kicks
Who Says You Need a Big Budget?
2006-12-04 04:44:05 This is an awesome example of ‘pixilation’ which is similar to stop-motion animation, except that it involves people and real world objects instead of puppets, as in claymation. This video was produced by Tony Fiandaca and Paul Cummings. They say it took them about two months to shoot and edit, which involved shooting every other weekend and editing in between. The music was written by their friend Chris Donovan, specifically for the video. Some editing was done to synch the video better with the music. chris donovan paul cummings pixilation stop motion animation youtube More About: Budget , Need , Big B
Crying Baby Causes Auto Accident
2006-12-02 16:42:18 A 17-year old California girl slammed her car into a guardrail and was then hit by a Ford F-350 pickup truck when the baby in her car suddenly began to cry. Baby doll that is. The girl had just picked up the doll, which was part of a class project on responsible parenting. The educational doll cries and wets itself and has a built in monitor that keeps a record of how long it takes the doll’s ‘parent’ to respond to it’s crying. No one was seriously injured in the crash but apparently the girl took the project very seriously, because she was still caring for the baby when officers arrived. On a side note, witnesses said they saw the doll’s head swivel 360 degrees on several occasions and heard the girl calling the doll, Chucky. Okay, I made that last part up. It’s head only swiveled once. baby doll car crash crying responsible parenting More About: Auto , Accident , Causes , Cause
No More Online Gambling for U.S. Citizens
2006-12-02 16:42:18 O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave. O?er the land of the free and the home of the brave. Those are the last two lines of America’s national anthem. Our children learn the song very early on in school and we sing it at just about every sporting event, but are the words really true? Oh, I’m sure we’re still plenty brave, but how free are we, really? Just how did the men that signed the Declaration of Independence interpret ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness’? Lately, a minority of people in the U.S. who think they have the right to tell everyone else how to live have decided that grown adults just aren’t capable of making their own decisions and shouldn’t have the right to do certain things — even if they do them in the privacy of their own homes — and are making some alarming progress in dictating what we’re allowed to view or do on the Internet. If they don’t like it no one should be able to do i... More About: Citi , Online , Gambling , More , Line
Use Your Head and Wear a Condom
2006-12-02 16:42:18 You might forget your head if it wasn’t attached, but if you don’t wear a condom, it may not matter anyway. Shocking and innovative advertisements for safe sex. advertisement condoms safe sex More About: Condo , Your , Ondo , Condom , Head
Amazing New Harley Davidson Ads
2006-12-02 16:42:18 Once you realize that these images were created with actual Harley David son motorcycle parts, the scope and effort will become apparent. Not to mention the pure creativity. These print ads were created for Harley Davidson by their advertising agency, Carmichael Lynch, who also do spectacular work for companies like Porsche, A.G. Edwards and Northwest Airlines. ad advertisement harley davidson motorcycle More About: Amazing , Vids
New 360 Degree Airbag Being Tested
2006-12-02 16:42:18 Exclusive photo I obtained of experimental Internal Airbag testing. Early results have proven promising although long deflation times are proving problematic. airbags auto crash safety More About: Test , Bein , Degree , Being , Este
Soldiers Show Iraqi Civilians Who?s Boss
2006-11-29 20:57:01 I’m sure there are plenty of good men and women fighting in Iraq , but watch this video and ask yourself why it seems so strange for people in the Middle East to hate the U.S. One of the soldiers calls the men ‘looters’. I wonder what wood goes for on the black market over there. Or do you think that just like the ‘looters’ who were ’stealing’ food in New Orleans after Katrina, that these men were just trying to get wood for a stove to feed their families or to build a shelter? “That’s what you get when you loot.” What the fuck? Is destroying someone’s property the penalty for looting in the U.S.? It’s easy to feel like a big man when you’re carrying a rifle or driving a tank. I bet that taxi driver would love the chance to have a little chat with one of these tough guys sometime when they aren’t packing heat. When U.S. soldiers destroy a car, they call it justice, but if Iraqis retaliate against ass... More About: Show , Boss , Soldi , Soldiers
Burglar Turns in Pedophile
2006-11-28 20:54:02 A Canadian man has been jailed after a man that was burglarizing his home turned him in to police. Police received a tip from the burglar that he had a video camera with images of child porn he would leave on the steps of a church. When the police viewed the tape they realized that the burglar had videotaped a computer monitor displaying the images. The police followed the address that was printed on the burglar’s note and seized computer equipment containing 13,315 pornographic images. How many of those images were of children is unknown, but that’s a buttload of porn for sure. William Mitchell of Red Deer City plead guilty after being charged with having child porn on his computer and remains in prison until he is sentenced on December 1. I’m not familiar with Canadian law, but let’s hope that the sentence involves castration. The burglary remains unsolved, but it’s good to know that even burglars have morals. I guess ‘honor amongst thieves̵... More About: Phil , Turn
How to Deal with a Telemarketer
2006-11-28 20:54:02 I don’t think anyone has too much sympathy for telemarketers (get a real job) and most of us have ways of dealing with them. Some people just hang up on them, but unfortunately, others actually talk to them and that’s the reason they exist. If telemarketing wasn’t an effective sales tool we wouldn’t have to deal with the problem in the first place. My favorite technique is to ask them to hold on and then put down the phone and wait until they get tired of waiting and hang up, but this guy came up with the best one I’ve heard yet. Download audio file (tom-mabe-telemarketer.mp3) How do you deal with telemarketers? If you’ve got some good techniques, post a comment. Direct link to audio file prank call telemarketers telemarketing tom mabe More About: How To , Market , With , Deal , Tele
President Bush Has a New, errr Lady?
2006-11-23 02:39:02 You wanna go to a show and a romantic dinner, or go up to my room for some jello shots and watch some porn? bush porn president prince abdullah saudi More About: Bush , President , President Bush , Lady , Side
The Amazing Peace Plant
2006-11-23 02:39:02 For centuries, the people of the world have been controlled by religion and the majority of the world is still religious in some way. But what’s the point? When you come right down to it, religion is simply a tool that was created by man to control people. Karl Marx called religion the ‘opiate of the masses’. Every religion has rules that are written down in a book with the intent of keeping people in line. The problem is that for the thousands of years that religion has been used as a form of mind control, there have been hundreds of wars and millions of people have died in the name of religion. I think if we really want such a thing as World Peace , we don’t need organized religion, we need legalized marijuana. Think about it. Pot has three universal side effects. It makes people mellow, hungry, and horny. What is the one thing no one wants to do when they’re laughing, hungry, and horny? Fight. The way to end violence in the world is to encourage viole... More About: Amazing , Plan , The A , Plant
Global Orgasm a Weapon of Mass Peace
2006-11-22 14:36:02 Leave it to some folks from San Francisco to come up with this idea, but two peace activists are planning an anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter. Don’t worry though, you won’t have to march in the streets, they want you to stay home where it’s warm. Their idea? The Global Orgasm for Peace . Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffle, 55, want everyone in the world to have an orgasm on Dec. 22. They’d like you to be concentrating on world peace at the time, which is cool, because the guys will be able to last longer that way, and baseball’s over now anyway. “The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it,” says Reffell. “Your mind is like a blank. It’s like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change.” Don’t forget. You’re supposed to be concentrating on world peace during your orgasm, or else this won’t work. The couple have studied evolutiona... More About: Mass , Weapon
Free Viagra Is The Spice of Life
2006-11-21 14:33:03 The mayor of a small town in Brazil recently began giving out free Viagra to dozens of elderly men to spice up their sex lives. Why is the mayor concerned with the sex lives of his town’s senior citizens? Beats me, but apparently they’re much happier now. “Since we started the free distribution of sexual stimulants, our elderly population changed. They’re much happier,” says Joao de Souza Luz, the mayor of Novo Santo Antonio. The mayor says that so far 68 men over the age of 60 have signed up for the program, which has been dubbed “Pinto Alegre”, which means “Happy Penis” in Portuguese. There has been one unforeseen side effect though. Apparently the men have started some romances on the side which isn’t going over too well with the wives. But, the city council came up with a solution. They decided to distribute the Viagra pills to the wives of the men and now it’s up to them to give the pills to their husbands when t... More About: Life , Free , Spic , Spice
O.J. Simpson Tells How He Did It
2006-11-16 14:24:02 Or should I say, he tells how he would have done it if he had done it, in a two-part interview on FOX TV and in his new book If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened, which will go on sale at the end of this month. Why do we need O.J. Simp son telling us hypothetically how the murders would have been committed when we already know how he did it, thanks to his televised trial? We all know he did it and how he did it, the only thing we don’t know is what food he ate that caused his hands to swell from the allergic reaction so the glove didn’t fit. There are still people out there that believe he’s innocent (idiots), so what I’m interested in hearing is how they’re going to explain why a man that swears he did not commit the crime would write a book telling us how he would have done it, IF he had done it, which they dont think he done… er, did. For that matter, how many pages would it actually take to explain it? One? Paula Barbieri dumped me and I g... More About: Tells
Election Tampering, But No Dangling
2006-11-16 14:24:02 Fortunately this didn’t happen in Florida, or we’d never hear the end of it, and thankfully no dangling chads were involved, but once again, we have proof of election tampering. Randy Wooten lost his bid for Mayor of Waldenburg, Arkansas in this past election and he lost by a very large margin. The fact that the race wasn’t even close might make you wonder how allegations of tampering could be valid, but the fact that he got ZERO votes — even though he voted for himself — does make things smell a bit fishy. Wooten’s wife, Roxanne had gone to City Hall on Wednesday and reported the results to her husband. “She saw my name with zero votes by it. She came home and asked me if I had voted for myself or not. I told her I did,” said Wooten, owner of a local bar. However, the official results showed the incumbent, William H. Wood with 18 votes, challenger Ronnie Chatman with 18 votes, and Wooten with zero. Oh, did I forget to mention that the... More About: Election , Ring , Peri , Erin
God Talks to Porn Star, Crissy Moran
2006-11-13 02:18:02 Unfortunately for us horny guys (and lesbians), he told her to get out of the porn business. “I made great money and more than I ever have in the time I have been in the business. It’s not about the money people … it’s about God convicting my heart.” God ‘convicted’ her heart? Apparently the trial didn’t go well. As you can see, Crissy Moran is a stunning beauty with an amazing body and she used to make a pile of money showing it to everyone. Then, a few weeks ago, she announced on her MySpace page that she had a new man in her life and well… the old bastard wants her all for himself. No offense Crissy, but when someone tells me that God talks to them, I say it’s time to cue up the Twilight Zone music, and may I suggest a tin foil hat? Everyone knows that tin foil is impervious to Martian thought waves, so I’m sure it would work to stop other forms of mind control. Crissy’s first step on the path of righteousne... More About: Talk , Star , Crissy Moran
Iran, a Great Tourist Destination
More articles from this author:2006-11-11 14:12:02 Iran is offering cash to those that can convince any American or European tourists to visit their country. I haven’t figured out where to sign up for this cool affiliate program yet and I may have to find a way to pass myself off as a tour agency, but I figured I’d get a jump start on getting the word out. I’m sure I’ll be rich in no time. I mean, how hard could it be to convince a rational person to visit Iran? Just because they’re working on a nuclear weapons program and have called for Israel’s destruction doesn’t make them all bad and who says public hangings can’t be fun? I hear the food over there is nearly edible and goat really isn’t that bad. It actually makes a great snack while you’re watching the public hangings. Oh, and for you horny guys, just imagine the thrill of having sex with an Iranian woman. The fact that it’s taboo makes it just that much more exciting and the adrenaline rush you’ll get att... More About: Iran , Great , Tour , Nation , Tina 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
 |
|
 |
