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NEW WINDOWS ERROR MESSAGES!
2007-08-08 07:35:00 New Windows Mess ages The following are new messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows : 1 ) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2 ) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3 ) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4 ) Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5 ) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. 6 ) Close your eyes and press escape three times. 7 ) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 8 ) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 9 ) Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" 10 ) This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off." 11 ) To "shut down" your system, type "WIN." 12 ) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding. 13 ) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key. 14 ) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N) 15 ) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 16 ) Bad or missing mouse. Spank ... More About: Articles
Human Useless Facts
2007-08-07 11:54:00 Men fart an average of 17 times a day, and women fart an average of 9 times a day. If you fart constantly for 6 years, 9 months and 23 days you would produce enough gas to explode an atomic bomb. The longest ever penis recorded by scientists is 13.5 inches. Human s are only second to cats for having the dirtiest mouths. It takes about 40 muscles to smile, but only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent rifle. Beard hair grows at twice its usual rate when you're in a plane. Around 15 men each year have their penises chopped off by their wives and the highest proportion of men who suffer this are Italians. You use more calories eating celery than there are in celery itself. More than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products. Semen is one of the most fattening substances known to man. An average of 76 people a year die playing twister, and about 23 of which are through playing the nude version! Linda McCartney has sold more vegetarian ready ... More About: Facts , Articles , Useless , Sele
Zoology Lessions
2007-08-04 11:24:00 A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. After one week, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever given." The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have flunked the test. What's your name?" The student pulled up his pant showing his legs and said: "You tell me!!!" More About: Articles , Ology
[Crazy News!] Time Machine invented!
2007-08-04 11:21:00 A real live time machine was invented today here at Idle Tech University by a very respected Technical Support student. This student is known to be in federal prison at the moment for being a threat to the world as we know it. The time machine is in lock-down at the moment, but you may access this with the FBI's special Gylability key-card. We have spotted hundrands of people trying to access this machine with fake key-cards but none have passed through yet, but our present and future is at risk. For more information, you can call 1-888-FBI-INFO. More About: News , Articles , Machine , Time , Crazy
Top 6 Smartass Answer
2007-08-01 07:58:00 SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." Wh... More About: Articles , Answer , Marta
I Love You in 106 Language
2007-07-26 18:09:00 1> English - I love you2> Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief3> Albanian - Te dua4> Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)5> Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)6> Armenian - Yes kez sirumen7> Bambara - M'bi fe8> Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi9> Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu10> Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo11> Bulgarian - Obicham te12> Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah13> Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a14> Catalan - T'estimo15> Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse16> Chichewa - Ndimakukonda17> China - Wo ai ni18> Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)19> Creol - Mi aime jou20> Croatian - Volim te21> Czech - Miluji te22> Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig23> Dutch - Ik hou van jou24> Esperanto - Mi amas vin25> Estonian - Ma armastan sind26> Ethiopian - Afgreki'27> Faroese - Eg elski teg28> Farsi - Doset daram29> Filipino - Mahal kita30> Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua31> French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore32> Gaelic - Ta gr... More About: Love , Language , I Love You
Loving Husband
2007-07-26 15:52:00 Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings, and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$60,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishme... More About: Loving , Husband , Ving
Golf at its Best
2007-07-26 15:51:00 A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Of course,the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of thebiggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to goup there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy driveis going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warmvoice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glasswas all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its sidenear the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke mywindow?' 'Uh... yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see,I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.Now that you've released me, I'm allowed t... More About: Golf
75 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza
2007-07-26 15:48:00 1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time." 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. 7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice. 8. Answer their questions with questions. 9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD. 11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out. 12. Stutter on the letter "p." 13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings. 14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 15. Change your accent every three seconds. 16. Ask if you get to keep the ... More About: Pizza
YM Emotions
2007-07-25 12:43:00 :-?? I don't know - New! %-( not listening - New! :@) pig 3:-O cow :(|) monkey ~:> chicken @};- rose %%- good luck **== flag (~~) pumpkin ~O) coffee *-:) idea 8-X skull =:) bug >-) alien :-L frustrated [-O< praying $-) money eyes :-" whistling b-( feeling beat up :)>- peace sign [-X shame on you :D/ dancing >:/ bring it on ;)) hee hee :-@ chatterbox ^:)^ not worthy :-j oh go on (*) star o-> hiro o=> billy o-+ april (%) yin yang More About: Emotions , Emotion
Dollars Amazing Illusions
2007-07-25 10:29:00 Does the new U.S. $20 bill contain hidden pictures of the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks?Well...grab a $20 dollar bill and try this:Step 1: Fold the bill in halfStep 2: Fold the back left upStep 3: Fold the back right upResult: The Pentagon ablaze Now turn the bill overResult: The Twin Towers ablaze More About: Amazing , Illusions , Dollars , Doll , Lars
French Bubblegum
2007-07-25 09:54:00 An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a French man, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course." Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence. The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??" American: "Of Course." Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chukling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states." After a moment of silence, The American then asks... More About: Articles
I Was Sitting on Daddy's Lap!
2007-07-25 06:59:00 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap. More About: Articles
Pet Lovers
2007-07-25 06:56:00 Excerpt from a Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite! 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite! Excerpt from a Cat's Diary Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse... More About: Articles , Lovers
Birthday Calculator
2007-07-25 06:54:00 It tells you how many hours and how many seconds you have been alive on this earth and when you were probably conceived. How cool is that? This is cool. After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the nite you were born. This is neat. Who says our time clocks aren't ticking.... just go here : http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp More About: Calculator , Birthday
Are u gay? - A quick test!
2007-07-20 06:51:00 Are u a gay? Seriously? Check this on web and you will know http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/funny/swf/g aytest.swf More About: Quick , Test
Making Love!
2007-07-20 06:50:00 The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstasy." The Frenchman replies. zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy." The redneck says, "That aint nothing. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling." More About: Articles , Love , Maki , Makin
Anyone remember Duck Hunt on NES
2007-07-20 06:48:00 Do you remember Duck Hunt on the Nes? Here is your chance to relive all those moments.. just go here : http://www.commodore.ca/arcade/duckhunt.s wf
You Finish?
2007-07-20 06:47:00 A virile, young gentleman was relaxing at his favourite bar when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, the young man reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The rooting ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman yet again using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together, screaming, bucking, clawing, and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man fall... More About: Articles , Finish , Nish
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
2007-07-20 06:47:00 A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it wa... More About: Articles , Virgin , Husbands
How to Finish Diablo (play from beginning to end) in 17 Minutes
2007-07-17 16:49:00 Do you think it is imposibble to finish Diablo (play from beginning to end) in 17 minutes? You can download and watch this video: http://rapidshare.com/files/7772744/Diabl o_Sorcerer_1738.avi More About: Play , Minutes , Minute , Finish
New Supermarket
2007-07-17 16:49:00 The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn. More About: Articles , Supermarket
Strip Club Bouncers Shot in Buttocks
2007-07-17 16:46:00 Two bouncers have been shot in the buttocks at a strip club in Kings Cross by men allegedly asscoiated with an outlaw bike gang, police say. About nine men, believed to be members of outlaw motorcycle club the Comancheros, were in the Bada Bing strip club on Darlinghurst Road at about 3am on Sunday, when shots were fired. Two bouncers were shot once each in the buttocks, police said. They were both taken to St Vincent's Hospital where they underwent surgery and are currently in a stable condition. The club was quickly evacuated, closed and police were called. Four of the nine men were arrested about 200 metres from the strip club inside a car, after being identified by witnesses. They were taken to Kings Cross police station for questioning. Three men, a 26-year-old Greenacre man, a 25-year-old Westmead man and a 27-year-old Revesby man were all charged with affray and participating in a criminal group. A 26-year-old Arncliffe man was released without charge. The 27-ye... More About: Articles , Shot , Club , Strip , Butt
Breast Biting
2007-07-17 16:45:00 A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "W... More About: Articles , Breast , Brea
Blonde in vegas
2007-07-17 16:45:00 In Vega s , a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?" More About: Articles , Blonde
Baby Fotographer
2007-07-17 16:44:00 The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too ... you can really spread out!" "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!" "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every tim... More About: Baby , Articles , Graph
Little Yoda From Star Wars is Having Fun.
2007-07-16 07:38:00 What did the all naked Naomi Campbell tell Yoda in the bedroom? The answer is : "Welcome to the dark side" More About: Articles , Star Wars , Wars , Star , Ving
Four Types of Sex
2007-07-16 07:36:00 There are four types of sex in a marriage. 1.The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. 2.The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. 3.The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.'' 4.The fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public. More About: Articles , Types
Conspiracy? Bush? M$ style
2007-07-16 07:35:00 1. Open an empty notepad file 2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes) in the blank space 3. Save it as whatever name you wish. Ex: this.txt 4. Close it, and re-open it. 5. lol. Cons piracy it is. So,that's what Microsoft is hiding from us all these years. =.= More About: Articles , Style
A Beautiful Woman Goes To The Gynecologist
More articles from this author:2007-07-16 07:34:00 A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked. "Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place." More About: Articles , Beautiful , Woman , Goes , The G 1, 2 |
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