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Dubai
2008-02-03 10:04:00
Dubai (in Arabic: دبيّ‎, Dubayy, pronounced /dʊ'baɪ/ in English) can either refer to one of the seven emirates that constitute the United Arab Emirates (UAE) in the eastern Arabian Peninsula, or that emirate's main city, sometimes called "Dubai city" to distinguish it from the emirate.The modern emirate of Dubai was created with the formation of the United Arab Emirates in 1971. However, written accounts documenting the existence of the city have existed at least 150 years prior to the formation of the UAE. Dubai shares legal, political, military and economic functions with the other emirates within a federal framework, although each emirate has jurisdiction over some functions such as civic law enforcement and provision and upkeep of local facilities. Dubai has the largest population and is the second largest emirate by area, after Abu Dhabi.[4] With Abu Dhabi, it is one of only two emirates to possess veto power over critical matters of national importance in the UAE.[5]...
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Blonde
2008-02-03 01:31:00
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?A: She drops her nail-file Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?A: Data transfer.Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?A: A wine cellar. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?A: Peroxide. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?A: They both w...
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Ode To A Mammogram
2007-08-21 15:24:00
For year’s years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests." So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law... Guarded them very carefully, And always wore a bra. After 30 years of careful care, The Doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump. "Stand up very close," she said, as she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, Ah yes!There! Thats just fine." She stepped upon a pedal... I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down... My Boob was in a vice!! My skin was stretched'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squashed To Swedish pancake thin!! Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vice-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit! "Take a deep breath," she said to me. Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't breathe and woozy I am getting. "There, that was...
More About: Gram , MMOG

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razo...
2007-08-21 00:40:00
"Doctor , please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor." "Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!""Do you drink a lot?""Not really - I spill most of it!" "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?""Yes, of course...""Great! I never could before!" A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!""Is this her first child?" the doctor queries."No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you." "Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone." A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at bre...
More About: Lowe , Swallow , Allo

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told th...
2007-08-21 00:24:00
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it. The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?" The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor." Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?" The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor." The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?" The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President." This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!" The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to y...
More About: Pope , Told , The U

Jokes
2007-08-11 23:03:00
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge. the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump. Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette. The brunette says 'i can't take your money.' 'Why not replies the blonde?'Doctor And Lawyer TalkA doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When...
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Training the blonde
2007-08-05 23:01:00
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Top 10 blonde inventions
2007-08-05 22:57:00
1. The waterproof towel 2. Solar powered flashlight 3. Submarine screen door. 4. A book on How to read 5. An inflatable dart board. 6. A dictionary index. 7. Ejector seat in a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedal- powered wheel chair. 10. Water proof tea-bag.
More About: Inventions , Blonde , Vent

There were two nuns..
2007-08-05 11:33:00
One of them was known as SisterMathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrived at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrived....
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Blonde
2007-08-03 23:49:00
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: Space. The final frontier.......... Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus? A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs? A: Cos they've no idea of the route. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle? A: You shine a torchlight in her ear. Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck. Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm? A: E-I-E-I-O. Q: How do you measure their intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear. It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle. She tried putting batteries in it. To amuse a Bl...
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True Stories
2007-08-01 15:00:00
I opened the door back up, wondering where I had found the nerve. This was a first for me, on many levels. I usually don’t make the first move, and I had never been with a woman before. All night there had been sexual tension in the air, so thick you could cut it. She was talking about how she would like to be with a woman, wondering what it would be like. I was thinking almost the same thing, wondering what she would be like. We finished our drinks, the evening getting late, and she said goodbye, with a little bit of regret in her tone. I shut the door and stood there a minute, making up my mind, hoping I had not imagined the signals. Opening the door back up, I leaned around the corner and called her name. She turned around and walked back to me, a question, and maybe even hope, on her face. I wrapped my hand around her neck and pulled her mouth to mine, kissing her. I leaned back and looked at her, silently asking if she wanted to stay. She smiled, and I tugged her by t...
More About: Stories , True , True Stories

Sexy Timepiece
2007-07-29 23:20:00
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch." Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically." "Rubbish," says the girl. "No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on." The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on." "Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on." "Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"
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College Stories
2007-07-29 22:42:00
The following is the accounts are the real life happenings of the life of my life on the weekend of December 9th and 10th this piece must remain within my private collection for if it were released on Facebook I would probably get sued or murdered...but with the amount of weed I smoke I’m going to forget about it if I don’t keep a record of itThe time is 10:30AM Friday morning and my vehicle known as the dirt wagon has broken down on the left hand side of a busy road. Smoke puffed from each side of my hood and the engine went dead. I called the only person I knew who knew anything about cars, Cabby.“Fuck yourself I’m sleepin,” and the call ended in 43 seconds. Cabby was not going to help.Over the next two hours waiting for a tow in the cold I had to change all of my plans for the weekend because I now, had no way of returning to the land of Utica. Later I found out that the starter in my car had caught fire and burned some shit up but it would be ready by Monday. This mean...
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Tripping Balls and Cooking Steaks
2007-07-26 23:20:00
This truly has to be one of the funniest stories of my college career. I can stil barely gather any sort of focus as I recount last night's events so I can submit this fuckin story. This is probably why I'm broke and on the 5-6 year college plan.Still hungover as FUCK from the night before, my friend/roommate managed to wake me up in order to figure out if he could use my bag so he could go the gym. Seeing how I had been going to the gym for like a month straight and definitely noticing results, I figured I should bite the fuckin bulllet and go to the gym as well.After a good workout I decided I better spend some of my last dollars getting extremely fucked up. I bought a case of Schooner, and started drinking at like 6pm, makin some good fuckin steaks to eat as well.By 12 I had finished probably 16 beers, so it was a pretty good idea to head out to the bar. My roommate and I eventually had a few shots and many beer. The crazy part of the night happened at Ducky's a popular bar fo...
More About: Cooking , Balls , Ball , Ping , Steaks

Fanny Stories
2007-07-25 00:58:00
I work at the support hotline for a fairly large Unix vendor. Customercalls are intercepted by a group of receptionists, who determine thegeneral nature of each caller's problem or question and then place it onan electronic queue. The receptionists attach a "headline" to each call,so that the support analysts can decide whether a particular call is intheir area of expertise. Unfortunately, the receptionists are notgenerally familiar with Unix.Spelling errors can happen. "The cron log file has exceeded 250 mega bite" "Air message on consol"Sometimes there is strange imagery involved. Picture this: "Cannot get into the library" "Runaway process boards" "Terminals need to be brightened up" ...you can ignore this problem until they're suicidal. "Question about braking when dialing in from a modem" ...calling from your car phone? "Does not see the boot" ...check the end of your foot. "Terminal has no cusor and making a high pitch wine" ...mmmm, just ...
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Three Girls Go Camping
2007-07-25 00:47:00
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
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A little longer
2007-07-23 23:38:00
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" They hear the echo several times. Fifteen minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!" One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" "For three reasons. One, he took a long time to answer; two, he was absolutely correct, and three, his answer was absolutely useless." A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the airport sirens rang out. Finally, one of th...
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Funny Jokes hoho
2007-07-23 23:10:00
Q. Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?A. To get to the other - er... Q. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?A. He works it out with a pencil. Q. What's the value of a contour integral around Western Europe?A. Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe. An English mathematician was asked by his very religious colleague:Q. Do you believe in one God?A. Yes - up to isomorphism. Q. What's purple and commutes?A. An abelian grape. Q. What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?Alternatively: Q. What's yellow and pro-choice?A. Zorn's Lemon. Q. Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?A. Because he left a residue at every pole. Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?A. That's the Law of Spline Demand. Q. What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?A. Möbius Dick. Q. What is an 'ugh'?A. The dual of a cough. Q. Why didn't Newton discover group theo...
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Vanilla Pudding Robbery
2007-07-18 23:52:00
This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach...
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Only In
2007-07-18 23:24:00
Only In AustraliaOnly In TeheranOnly In IranOnly In JapanOnly In PakistanOnly In TaiwanTop of the top Only In Poland

Super Dog...If Dogs could Send a Letter to God...
2007-07-17 22:54:00
Dear God,Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell oneanother? Where are their priorities?Dear God,When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?Or is it the same old story?Dear God,Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, thecolt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? Howoften do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Wouldit be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?Dear God,If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is hestill a bad dog?Dear God,If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?Dear God,More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.Dear God,When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?Dear God,Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling atthe moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is theSchnauzer across the street.Dear God,Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will ...
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Jokes
2007-07-15 22:42:00
A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.The interviewer starts with the basics."So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your n...
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Immortality
2007-07-15 22:38:00
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits andexhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. Alittle concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Doyou think I'll live to be 80?"He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?""Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!""Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,ballooning, or rock climbing ?""No, I don't," I said.He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?""No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be80?"
More About: Immortality , Immortal , Mortal , Ality , Mort

Republican and Democrat
2007-07-15 22:35:00
A Republic a n and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

Joke Funny
2007-07-15 22:26:00
A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were chatting.The British doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."Then the German doctor bragged, "That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work."
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Husband Shopping Center
2007-07-12 22:29:00
A "Husband Shopping Center " was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men for a husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.First floor: the door had a sign saying "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"So up they go. Second floor says "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking" Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?".Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow, say the women! Very tempting, but, there's more furth...
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Porsche 911 Twin Turbo - Moped
2007-07-12 22:14:00
A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo . It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $100,000.""That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?""Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?""Sure," replies the owner.So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. ...
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These egg shells were cut with a high intensity precision Laser Beam. T
2007-07-11 23:43:00
Incredible what can be done with an eggshell and a laser beam. "A true friend is someone who knows you'rea good egg even if you're a little cracked."
More About: Laser , High , Beam , Precision , These

These are truly incredible. You'll love the watermelons, but you'll be blow
2007-07-11 23:30:00
WATERMELONS AND EGGSHELLS
More About: Love , Incredible , These , Term , Watermelon

Indian chief
2007-07-10 00:02:00
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him."Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."The chief nodded in agreement.The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."