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The Aftermath Of The New Hampshire Primary
2008-01-09 20:52:00 The Hillary-Bot 2000 won the New Hampshire primary last night after someone flipped a switch on her back a couple days before, causing water to drip slightly from her eye and her voice to soften during an appearance. Voters were so taken by Hillary-Bot’s tears that they shed some of their own before giving ... More About: New Hampshire Primary , Primary
Ch-Ch-Changes
2008-01-09 20:25:00 I woke up this morning, I turned on my RSS reader, I started reading TMZ updates, and after the first of two topics about Gummi Bear, I decided I’m done. We’re going all out from now on. We’re not even going to try and be serious anymore. Also, from now on the names of ... More About: Skewed
There?s a Joey Buttafuoco Sex Tape
2008-01-08 19:08:00 But there’s not enough holy water in the world for me to douse myself in that’ll remove the taint of just knowing it exists. In case you’ve been living under a rock there’s a sex tape out there of the Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher that she’s actually been helping to market the past ... More About: Joey Buttafuoco , Joey
Golden Globes Canceled
2008-01-08 18:38:00 As you may have noticed, the banner hyping up our coverage of the Golden Globes on January 13th has been taken down because it turns out the Golden Globes have been canceled due to the writer’s strike. Last week the Screen Actors Guild made a statement that none of it’s members would cross picket ...
Sandwich To Decide Mike Huckabee Presidential Bid
2008-01-07 21:35:00 MSNBC brings the funny today with an interview with some woman from some small town presumably in New Hampshire regarding a Mike Huckabee sandwich. I can only lament my own misfortune for having caught this interview in the middle because what I heard was quite spectacular. This woman was talking about this sandwich ... More About: Presidential , Absurd
Attention Whore Dr Phil Fails To Get Britney On Show, Cancels Special
2008-01-07 19:58:00 I just ate cake so I fully expect to crash in about 20 minutes. I better make this quick. Britney Spears is now out of the hospital after pitching a fit. Doctor’s apparently released her because they felt there wasn’t anything else really wrong with her, which translates to we were sick of dealing ... More About: Show , Special , Whore , Phil
Bob Zanger Takes Over Internet
2008-01-07 17:21:00 This weekend I found myself exposed to a new internet sensation. An individual so strange that the two or three of us that work here at USuxxors.com have absolutely no idea what to make of him. Enter Bob Zanger. I just found out his name today and the fact that as of this writing he doesn’t ... More About: Internet
Spears Not On Drugs, Possible Mental Breakdown
2008-01-04 19:56:00 The word now is that Britney Spears wasn’t on any kind of narcotic substance when she was taking from her home by ambulance last night, but instead was high on pure crazy. Life And Style, who’s featuring a picture of a downright nutty looking Spears on a hospital gurney in the accompanying article, says ... More About: Mental , Drugs
Lindsay Lohan Falls Off Wagon, But Only For One Night
2008-01-04 17:45:00 Lindsay Lohan was caught drinking what TMZ apparently confirmed to be champagne, which might explain why she’s been trying to hump every man in the nearest vicinity lately. Or not and the incidents are completely unrelated which is probably closer to the truth considering she once did on the steps at the rehab center. The ... More About: Lindsay Lohan , Night , Lindsay , Wagon
Pamela Anderson & Rick Salomon Divorce Again
2008-01-04 17:23:00 Pamela Anderson divorced Rick Salomon again before New Years Eve, which explains why she was by herself at Pure. Probably afraid she’d end up with another sex tape with Salomon as the cameraman. We know how handy he is with video equipment. Then again, Pamela’s probably got her own production studio in ... More About: Pamela Anderson , Divorce , Pamela
Britney Spears Hospitalized After Chaotic Night
2008-01-04 16:15:00 I roll out of bed this morning, still groggy from following Iowa last night, turn on the news, and I see Joe Scarborough and that Mika chick who’s last name is too complicated for me to even attempt to spell right now and I’m not going to bother looking it up, and they’re laughing about ... More About: Britney Spears , Night , Britney , Spears , Chaotic
Conan And Letterman Have Beards
2008-01-03 19:01:00 Just in case you missed it, David Letterman and Conan O’Brien went back on the air last night and both came bearing shrubbery on their faces: David Letterman looks like he was pulled out of a small hole in the ground in Iraq and Conan O’Brien looks like the manliest leprechaun I’ve ever seen. Share This More About: Celebrities , Beards
The Female Version Of The Nick Nolte Mugshot
2008-01-03 18:28:00 The beauty pageant circuit must be a stressful environment. You’ve gotta weight like 97 pounds, have perfect everything, avoid looking like a dumbass, and deal with jealous competitors lacing your clothes and makeup with pepper spray. Kumari Fulbright went so crazy that she kidnapped a former boyfriend, bit him in a Mike Tyson-ish ... More About: Female , Celebrities , Nick , Nick Nolte , Version
You Mean Bilawal Bhutto Zardari Doesn?t Think I?m Flirtable??
2008-01-03 17:50:00 As much as I hate social networking, I do in fact have a facebook that I never use. Sadly, because of this I may be missing out on the oodles of hot Pakistani women that the guy pretending to be Bilawal Bhutto Zardari was making friends with this week until everyone finally figured out ... More About: Facebook , Absurd , Skewed
Britney Misses Another Deposition
2008-01-03 17:18:00 Damn it. This is going to be one of those day that’s all about Britney Spears isn’t it? The rest of you sleep in until 12 in the afternoon, wake up, eat a french croissant and spend the rest of your day tanning and reading In Style, boring the ever loving shit out ... More About: Celebrities , Deposition
Lawyers Desert Britney Spears
2008-01-03 16:57:00 For the past few days I’ve actually had MSNBC muted while working and discovered that I get far more done when not I’m stopping every few minutes to verbally bash the people living inside my TV set. Today’s different though: we’ve got this whole Iowa caucus thing and frankly I find it a little ... More About: Britney Spears , Lawyers , Paparazzi , Celebrities , Britney
Perez Hilton Forces My Eyes To Commit Suicide
2008-01-02 20:53:00 I actually wasn’t going to do today’s feature on Perez Hilton on New Years Eve and the getup he wore but I’m forced to. I fear a David Gest as Liza Minelli moment may occur and my goal this holiday season is to not have to rake my own peepers out at some point. ... More About: Eyes , Suicide
Lindsay Lohan Makes Out With Three Men On New Years Eve
2008-01-02 18:34:00 There’s like a foot of snow outside my house this morning. The weather channel said 3-5 inches. I demand LAYOFFS and FIRINGS. I was wrong about News Years Eve in Hollywood, sorta. Turns out something scandalous did occur. Remotely scandalous anyway. Lindsay Lohan made out with three men in one night ... More About: New Years Eve
Penelope Cruz And Sister Make Out For Brother
2008-01-02 17:59:00 There are few headlines I ever figure I’m going to have to write. Actually, take that back. I could totally see doing the above headline sometime down the road with it reading “Britney Spears and Sister Make Out For Brother” in an incident that’s totally not for a music video. I just ... More About: Music , Penelope Cruz , Celebrities , Cruz
WTF Is Fergalicious?
2008-01-02 17:40:00 I’m not a huge Black Eyed Peas fan. Sorry. They had a couple songs that were played ad nauseum on TV over the years and I couldn’t avoid them. It might’ve been the start of my mental unbalancing come to think of it, the trigger that’s led me to stoop so low ... More About: Music , Fergie , Celebrities , Fergalicious
Pamela Anderson Looking Not So Pure At Pure?s
2008-01-01 22:28:00 As many of you may remember, I helped saved Pamela Anderson ’s marriage a couple weeks ago and Pamela took the time to send me a thank you card not long afterward. I was touched, but I want you to know that the following fashion spotlight won’t be biased in any way shape or form. Hot ... More About: Fashion , Pure
Jack - What About Micha Barton??
2007-12-28 18:22:00 trendy says: Jack , I’m very disappointed that you didn’t cover Micha Barton ’s recent DUI arrest. I mean, she didn’t even just get caught walking across the street, and I know you hate that kinda boring tripe. Long live the Empire! Jack says: Micha Barton’s never really done anything for me so admittedly I just ... More About: Lindsay Lohan , Celebrities
Lindsay Lohan Has 10 Fingers - The Evidence
2007-12-28 00:52:00 See, this is what happens when you jump into the hardcore drug induced partying lifestyle kids. You start to grow extra extremities. Other celebrity blogs out there have a clearly suspect photograph of what appears to be a ten fingered Lindsay Lohan walking down the street the other day. Turns out the ... More About: Evidence , Celebrities
Presidential Candidates React To Death of Benazir Bhutto
2007-12-28 00:36:00 I woke up this morning to find out that Benazir Bhutto was assassinated and immediately all of the presidential candidates began to chime in because dang nabbit this is a great opportunity to get us some votes! This whole day is making me hate the media. I watched Ann Curry interviewing Bhutto from ... More About: Politics , Presidential , Hillary Clinton , John Edwards , Rudy Giuliani
Britney Spears Had Lice, And Probably Doesn?t Smell Great
2007-12-28 00:05:00 It seems as though the holidays have yet to end for some slacker bloggers out there. Not us though, because the ramen’s running low, and Gal Val keeps bugging me about potatos, so I suppose I should save up and get her one for her birthday. So out of the blue today I get a ... More About: Britney Spears , Celebrities , Great , Britney , Smell
Our 500th Post
2007-12-27 18:00:00 According to various stats and things, this is USuxxors 500th post. Isn’t it beautiful? So neat and shiny. Every message board post is like giving birth I feel. At least, I assume it is, not possessing a birth canal or a womb or any of that stuff that separates me from ... More About: Post , Skewed
A Fashion Thief On The Loose
2007-12-26 18:02:00 I come to you today not to discuss the do’s and don’ts of fashion. I do not wish to discuss my holiday, because this isn’t the time. Instead, I want to go America’s Most Wanted here for a second and point the finger at a criminal that needs to be caught immediately. ... More About: Rants , Fashion , Thief , Fash
Britney Spears Sleeps With Photographer Following Night Of Insanity
2007-12-26 16:44:00 The internet is dead today. At first, I figured everyone was drunk from the holidays or something but then I realized there’s not really anything going on in the world. There’s a video of a one second flash of Rihanna’s ass somewhere from a few years ago. There’s pictures of Mike Huckabee ... More About: Britney Spears , Celebrities , Night , Britney , Photographer
The USPS FAILS
2007-12-26 15:35:00 I turn on the news this morning, and they’re running a commercial for this show. There’s this girl they flash on the screen and I’m like “wow, she’s kinda hot isn’t she?”. The commercials continues and the voice then says something along the lines of “These guys are born in the wrong body.” ... More About: Rants , Stupidity , Absurd
Breaking! Michael Jackson?s Lip Collapses
More articles from this author:2007-12-21 21:20:00 There comes a point when you’re chopping up your face with plastic surgery that you start to think maybe you should just wear an iron mask to protect yourself from injury in case your already tender features are jostled in some manner. Maybe it’s when your nose appears to be falling off. Maybe ... More About: Horror , Michael Jackson , Celebrities , Michael , Scary 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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