U Suxxors.com U Suxxors.com USuxxors - Analysis of the Craziness Going On In the World Today 
Articles
So Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Supposedly Fat Or Something
2007-12-10 21:35:00 I apparently missed absolutely nothing last week. No one did anything out of the ordinary, and Britney Spears even stole a lighter from a gas station as she continues on with this new kleptomaniac phase she’s entered. How can Winona Ryder get arrested for stealing clothes from a department store when Spears apparently ... More About: Jennifer Love Hewitt , Tyra Banks , Love , Weight , Janice Dickinson
Frank TV - Or Too Much Advertising Makes Jack An Angry Stick Figure
2007-12-10 17:49:00 Years ago I used to watch a lot of A&E for their murder / forensic shows. Anyone who watched that channel during this particular time no doubt remembers the show they had about all woman roller derbies. I even remember the name of the show offhand; it was Rollergirls. It’s easy to ... More About: Humor , Advertising , George W Bush , Angry , Jack
Evil Villainess Kelly Clarkson Destroys Youthful Memories
2007-12-10 16:50:00 I have a matter to discuss today that is of the utmost importance to this country in my eyes. An issue that’s been overlooked for far too long, and could possibly be far more important than the current dreck about President Bush’s latest lie about Iran or whatever planetary issue is going to end ... More About: Humor , Music , Kelly Clarkson , Rock , Aerosmith
Amazon.com Has Everything You Need For World Conquest, Including Uranium
2007-12-05 00:55:00 Are you looking to power your supersonic death ray of destruction but it’s just so difficult to get a hold of uranium these days? Don’t worry. Amazon is here to help. It’s not currently in stock, but you may be able to find some used, though that might not be helpful. Make sure ... More About: Humor , World , Uranium , Skewed
Detroit Prosecutor Blames Video Games On Skyrocketing Crime
2007-12-04 21:50:00 There’s a national organization of some sort today who’s name slips my mind and I can’t be assed to go look for it because I’m cooking as I do this post and I’m afraid the extra effort might just cause my arms to fall off. They gave parents a grade of C- when it ... More About: Video , Video Games , Games , Crime , Tech
Contessa Brewer Makes Me SOUR Again
2007-12-04 19:35:00 Speaking of Contessa Brewer , with two simple words this morning she has managed to make me completely ditch the peace and love routine. I’m back to being annoyed and my heart is once again filled with venom. Only Contessa. You may have heard about this UK man who went out on a canoe five ... More About: Reporters , Absurd
Understanding Teh Negativity - Or Shut Up, I Like Britney Spears!
2007-12-04 17:47:00 Jack Page Asks: Jack, you go after celebrities / politicians / news anchors all the time in your blog. Why? — Jack Page Responds: Yes, I wrote this one, because I want to address a strange phenomenon that’s been occurring at U Suxxors as of late. I can only assume it’s coming from search engine ... More About: Britney Spears , Britney , Spears , Shut , Understanding
Eight Men Claim Sexual Encounters With Larry Craig
2007-12-03 19:45:00 You could argue that U Suxxors was in part built off the back of Larry Craig . His upper back, not … er, anyway, MSNBC is talking about him again today, because as many as eight men are claiming they had sexually related encounters with Craig at one point or another in his life, including ... More About: Politics , Scandals , Sexual
Hulk Hogan PILEDRIVES Linda Hogan With A Counter Petition
2007-12-03 18:40:00 I’m going to be totally honest with you, the reader, as I always am in this blog. The only reason I’m talking about the Hogans today is because every blogger and news organization under the sun has gone with some kind of wrestling related headline when talking about the big divorce, and I felt ... More About: Celebrities , Petition , Hulk , Hulk Hogan , Divorces
A New Age At U Suxxors
2007-12-03 17:39:00 This weekend taught me a valuable lesson, a lesson that I hope to impart to all of you today in an effort to make the world a happier, more soulfully beautiful place. I decided that I wasn’t going to do anything related to work. No blog updates. I checked my email twice maybe. ...
Britney Spear?s Hair Touches The Sky
2007-11-30 19:46:00 Jack is putting me to work again, because I guess he thought I was already too gosh darn happy today after Katie Holmes successfully went out in public looking glamorous, an art that some celebrities appear to be unable to do these days. There was this story going around about how Britney Spears went into a ... More About: Paparazzi , Hair
Comcast Responsible? Surely You Jest!
2007-11-30 19:18:00 Think back. Remember awhile back when we had that story about the old woman that attacked a Comcast office with a hammer because they wouldn’t switch her phone service over to Verizon? Go on, click the link if you want the details, I’ll wait. The woman, Mona Shaw, appeared on Good Morning America today ... More About: Skewed
Is Avril Lavigne Still Supposed To Be A Punk Rock Star?
2007-11-30 19:01:00 I remember a few years ago when Avril Lavigne was just starting to get big, there was an interview in some tabloid that I must’ve have been reading in a waiting room or something where someone in her camp was talking about how she was originally a country singer. The studios got a hold ... More About: Rock Star , Punk , Punk Rock , Rock
Julia Roberts, George Clooney Flip Out On Paps (Video)
2007-11-30 18:47:00 I swear, I’m not posting tons of YouTube videos today because I’m looking for an excuse to do as little work as possible. This is a quality blog dammit, we don’t even know the meaning of the words slacking off. Besides, this video gives me reason to love Julia Roberts for five minutes, ... More About: Video , George Clooney , Paparazzi , Celebrities
Bill O?Reilly Is Going To Have A Debate With Alf?
2007-11-30 18:24:00 I’ve done some homework on this story, about five minutes work, and it looks like Bill O ’Reilly is going to be debating Alf tonight on the O’Reilly Factor. Alf, as in the alien puppet from the 80s. This can’t be real. No way in hell can this be serious. Is this ... More About: Debate , Absurd
Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon Do Not Read USuxxors
2007-11-30 17:29:00 I just realize something today. Something disheartening and frankly somewhat depressing. After reading on about 50 different blogs this morning that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon probably did it in an airplane bathroom recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that they didn’t take my recent advice about forgoing attempts at joining the mile ... More About: Celebrities , Read
Katie Holmes Proves She Wears The Pants In The Family
2007-11-30 16:54:00 I used to watch CSI all the time, and there’s was this mysterious dominatrix character that showed up a number of times that had a thing for Grissom. She jumped the shark for me in the episode where someone killed her daughter and she got revenge at the end by using her cat-o-nine tails ... More About: Tom Cruise , Katie Holmes , Family , Paparazzi , Pants
Mike Gravel?s Psychedelic Rap Video
2007-11-30 16:26:00 I was looking through through the news from late yesterday and today trying to see if there was anything worth talking about when lo and behold, Mike Gravel delivers. In a big way. Mike Gravel, in case you don’t know or have forgotten, is the forgotten Democratic nominee to run for president. ... More About: Video , Politics , Psychedelic
Smudge Stain On Back Pocket Of Jeans?
2007-11-29 23:47:00 I’m loving this new advice / ask a question column, because I never know what I’m going to find in my email now. The following is from a “Judy”: Judy Asks: Jack, I just sat in some gum. Now I have this dark blue stain on my back pocket and I can’t get it ... More About: Jeans , Back , Pocket
Ashley Olsen Goes Out In Public Looking Like An Ancient Chinese Warlord
2007-11-29 20:39:00 I think Jack is still mad at Ashley Olsen & Lance Armstrong because he said I couldn’t do a post about Ashley. I’m having to be sneaky. The world must know how ridiculous she looked the other day because I want to stop anyone that might be considering tucking their hair into their ... More About: Paparazzi , Public , Chinese
LESTER F?N HOLT Is On MSNBC Right Now
2007-11-29 18:02:00 I think Lester Holt does work on the Today Show these days sadly because MSNBC sure could use him. He’s on MSNBC right now covering an airplane that needed to do a belly landing due to malfunctioning landing gear, but you knew this plane was going to land safely because Lester F’N Holt was ... More About: Right Now
Men Can Do Advice Columns - So Can Fashion Correspondents
2007-11-29 17:49:00 The internet, nay, the world is dead today, and I can only blame the drivel that was the republican debate last night for boring most of the viewers into probable suicide for the lack of activity. I decided to dig around some advice column sites today to see what other people are asking and ... More About: Advice , Fashion , Columns , Fash , Responde
New Nick Hogan Crash Details - Friends Car Was Going 100MPH
2007-11-29 16:26:00 Late yesterday there was a 133 page report released detailing the day and night Nick Hogan, Nick Bollea, whatever you want to call him crashed his Supra into a tree leaving John Graziano with serious brain trauma. It doesn’t look good for him at all. Hulk Hogan bought alcohol with Nick and his buddies that ... More About: Friends , Celebrities , Crash
Fred Thompson Looks Like a Fish and Other CNN Debate Musings
2007-11-29 16:22:00 So I watched the last half hour of the CNN Republican YouTube debate last night and after awhile I started to drown it out in my head. Good lord I would be scared to have almost any of these people as president, and the people sending in YouTube videos weren’t any better. You ... More About: Politics , Fish , Rudy Giuliani , Fred Thompson , Musings
Britney Spears May Be Pregnant Possibly Maybe
2007-11-28 21:33:00 Every site out there today is reporting that Britney Spears might be pregnant so I figure I might as well jump on the bandwagon even though as I said earlier I’m tired of Britney Spears. So hey, everyone? Britney Spears might be pregnant. There, I did it. There’s reports that she’s telling people ... More About: Pregnant , Celebrities
Suspect - ?A Ninja Killed Linda Stein?
2007-11-28 21:20:00 You probably remembering hearing somewhere about Linda Stein, the former Ramones manager that was murdered, right? They caught the woman that killed her, and the story seemed to be over for the most part. It turns out there may be someone else involved, at least according to the suspect in Stein’s slaying, one Natavia Lowery. ... More About: Ninja , Celebrities , Absurd , Killed
Reader Asks - Should I Get Married After Six Month Courtship?
2007-11-28 19:53:00 Today is already slow going news-wise, so I’m going to jump into the mailbag because surprisingly, I’m already getting a response to this whole advice column idea from yesterday, so I’m going to answer a couple questions in my inbox since the world at the mo is otherwise pretty boring. If you yourself have ... More About: Reader , Month , Married , Mont
Britney Spears? Personal Driver Quits After Paparazzi Nearly Kill Him
2007-11-28 18:14:00 I’ve cut down on running pointless Britney Spears stories because I’m sick of her really, opting instead to leave the dull dreck to TMZ. If you’re wondering what major developments you have may missed, she ran three stop signs the other day and bought some mac & cheese at a grocery store. Her personal driver ... More About: Personal , Paparazzi , Celebrities , Driver
Beauty Pageant Contestant Gets Mace Planted On Gown & In Makeup
2007-11-26 20:27:00 I don’t really understand beauty pageants. You never hear about them unless you’re actively seeking information or you just really, really want to watch that kind of thing (perve). I’m assuming you get something if you win, maybe some money. Regardless, winning this beauty pageant was so important to some woman out ... More About: Beauty , Makeup , Gown , Skewed , Mace
Amy Winehouse?s Nostril May Be Running Away From The Rest Of Her Body
More articles from this author:2007-11-26 20:06:00 Well, the worst part of my day has already been reached and I can safely say it won’t be topped. I’m just sitting here minding my own business, eating the most perfect leftover stuffing you’ve ever tasted. Just the right amount of softness. Slightly moist. All flavor. Melts in your ... More About: Running , Body , Celebrities , Amy Winehouse , Rest 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
 |
|
 |
